Chapter 7: Shinji's suicide.
Shinji POV
A solitary droplet of lamentation rolls down the side of my nose as I gently caress the slightly reddened part of my right temple where Rei's slap connected.
It was in reality not that painful, Rei's frail muscles and her lack of pugilism when compared with Asuka meant that the blow did almost nothing even with her being as angry as she was that terrible day where for the first time in my entire life I felt truly gutted.
The least violent, least psychotic and most soft and gentle woman on the entire planet decided it was high time that I had evoked even her ire.
I trusted her. I trusted that among the ranks of ungrateful fellow pilots, NERV staff and the miserable excuse of a guardian who starved for attention as I was, I could not condone.
If Rei, the last reminder I had at least in terms of appearance of the dead mother I never met was this hostile towards me then would my mother also have abandoned me even if she lived as my father did, the two of them happy to together pretend they never had a son to begin with?
Was I the one black sheep among the ranks of mankind truly unworthy of any sympathy?
I understood that my father had it tough, sitting in his cushy seat in his big and well ventilated room with his eyes half shut sipping expensive iced tea while his workers attended his every whim and he twiddled his thumbs with not a care in the world for his tired and injured son being worked to the bone in both war and peacetime.
I forgot the last time I had a proper day off.
If I wasn't bending over backwards trying my hardest not to trip and fall cleaning every last speck of dirt from my father's office like I was some uneducated janitor on minimum wage, then I was fighting tooth and nail to keep Asuka satisfied with the greatest food my humble salary could procure.
I walked hungry plenty of days to keep my two roommates contented, and this was the thanks I got?
I only wanted to be paid in advance.
I only wanted one day off to rest and recuperate and stretch out my overworked muscles before they snapped from atrophy.
Not several, not a few. I wanted just one.
And my father told me that was too much.
Several years of nonstop dedication to a job I had every reason to loath, and not so much as one day to myself?
I held my temper for several years. It was at least reasonable to state that any control I could have exerted over myself to keep my unbecoming negativity had long since flown out the window.
I tried clenching my fists and squeezing my mouth tightly shut knowing that if I opened it, the one remark I would make upon my sole surviving parent would not be pleasant.
I tried with every fibre of my body to hold it in. But as the good book said, the truth didn't like to stay hidden forever.
And in my one moment of mortal weakness, I let the frustration that had been bottling nonstop since the day I set eyes on NERV get the best of me.
It was not my intent to voice my ingratitude for my father's role for me in mankind's most important battle for survival.
If it had any meaning, I wanted to be a good son worthy of his high expectations and a good pilot worthy of his important station in the Earth's defence.
Did you have to slap me so hard, Rei?
To be so vindictive and so unempathetic as to not see the slightest tinge of my sorrows that finally took hold of me in those few awful moments that I myself loathed myself for?
You betrayed me, Rei. You did.
The one person in my life to be able to start a conversation without needing to resort to slapping and smashing at my already enfeebled and battle scarred body and you threw it away.
I opened my trust to one soul who I thought for certain could understand what I was going through having gone through the same herself or as similar as possible, and this was what I got?
I shouldn't have trusted you, Rei.
I should have listened to my own instincts, as stupid as they were and not paid you any attention.
At least when Asuka slapped me, she had a semblance of a reason to do it.
I didn't prepare her meal quickly enough or I was acting too weak and letting myself be walked over or she was just in a bad mood and needed someone to vent her frustrations upon.
But you had no reason to attack me the way you did. No right.
You had no honour, no dignity.
I say no honour knowing full well that the second most commonly used insult thrown in my way from everyone I know apart from "idiot" is "cowardly brat".
So you'll most likely tell me that's rich coming from me.
I can forgive a lot of things Rei, but this time you've really pushed me past the edge of no return. And though many days have passed since that day you let me down, you never once showed the slightest sign of remorse. Perhaps Dr Akagi was right. Perhaps it is only real humans who have capacity for emotion and regret over their wrongs. No wonder she never seemed to like you. I wouldn't if I were in her shoes knowing what I know now.
I'll just walk home today instead of taking a cab.
Frankly I need the fresh air and exercise after being bawled out again at the top of his lungs.
It means I have longer before I'm forced to play the Asuka temper lottery and she certainly looked none too friendly this morning when I saw her red eyed and sleepy from a bad night of sleep.
The hardship NERV puts on us is even getting through to her.
Let's just hope she's too tired to raise her fists this evening and everything will be hunky dory.
But know this Rei. I'd rather be forcefully smacked a gazillion times until my nose bleeds dry and my skull cracks right open by Asuka, than be forced to endure one further glance of the albino traitor who destroyed the last of my belief in the goodness of humanity.
I hope I made a good punching bag for you Rei as I did for Asuka. I hope you're happy. Because all I ever wanted, was to make you and everyone I cared about happy.
If you even understand what that means which I don't think you do.
You were my miracle, Rei-chan.
The miracle that never happen.
Maybe it was never meant to.
Because as you wisely taught this blithering baka, a miracle is something that doesn't exist.
Not for me at least.
Rei POV
Sweat races down my forehead as I dash through the nearly deserted Sunday streets of the city.
I know from a previous conversation the rough route to the apartment Shinji shared with Misato and Asuka and something in my bones told me that he was close by and desperately in need of me right this instant.
I felt sadness in despair in the rapidly thickening air as I huffed and puffed, my body battling to get enough air to my lungs as I battled to maintain my pace as I sped down block after block inciting an annoyed beep from a red Jeep as for the first time in my life I ran a red light across a street.
I almost slip and slide on a banana peel which in my hurry I fail to notice, and nearly skid into a wall but I force myself to maintain speed as I let out a painful wheeze.
"Hang on Shinji. Please, for God's sake please hang on."
Shinji POV
I'm on a bridge overlooking a big canal with reddened water.
Toxic water contaminated by the impact completely unfit for drinking.
I take one look at myself in the red water, loathing every aspect of my appearance from my head to toe.
Not even I loved myself and that was a damn shame considering the only girl I trusted had gone away.
I wondered what would happen if right here, right now I jumped.
The poison in the water would kill me even quicker than drowning in clean water. There'd be no one to save me. There was no one here. No passing boats to ruin my luxurious descent in privacy.
Now I would find out whether there were white clouds or red flames in the afterlife. Or whether there was just the eternal blackness everyone dreaded with every waking moment.
Would I see mum again?
Would she be able to give me the affection no one in the mortal world could?
At the very least, Asuka would be ecstatic. She loved seeing me in pain and what greater pain was there to witness than the total cessation of all life's functions following a short but no less agonizing struggle in the intoxicated, contaminated crimson hydroxide below me now?
I close my eyes and clasp my hands in tight prayer.
"Mum. I'm coming. Your son needs to be with you in his time of need."
I bow my head.
"Your son needs his mother. Little Shinji loves his mama. Little Shinji let down his father and everyone counting on him and now the world needs him no more. Another pilot will easily be found.
All his classmates dream of the day they can take his position for him and be adored by all Japan for their heroism. Now one lucky winner can have that glorious opportunity. For little Shinji, the coward makes his final escape now."
I open my eyes slowly as I take a deep breath. I may be a coward but if I can just gather this little bit of courage then it will all be worth it.
I force myself onto the low stone fence separating me from my demise. Just one leap is all it will take.
One leap of faith.
"Rei. I caused you grief and hardship by speaking as brazenly as I did about your beloved commander.
Know that from this moment on, you need never endure a day of my presence evermore.
You shall have the commander's undivided attention forever here on and out.
Savour it, and be at peace. At peace that your position as his favourite is at no threat."
I take one final look at the sky above. I wonder if there'll be such a pretty canvas in the afterlife. I hold out my arms like a cross and spread my fingers wide.
"Thank you, mother. Goodbye father. And to everyone who had the courtesy of knowing me, thank you all. I do this now for the betterment of every singe one of you.
I harbour you no ill will as I organize my mind well in preparation for my next great adventure and leave with you nothing but my warm wishes for a bright and prosperous future.. And know that wherever it is I end up, I will forever remember you all fondly and that as long as there are stars in the sky, you will continue to live on in my memory."
"And now." I gulp as the sound of pattering feet begins to sound behind me. I need to do this now. "Shinji, please stop!" I think I hear I Rei's voice. But that can't be right. She swore me off. It's just a figment of my overactive and selfish imagination. Wishful thinking.
Stop having your head up in the clouds stupid Shinji. This isn't fantasy.
The moment is perfect. My mind has completely lost all sense of hope for the second allowing the final safeguards my body is attempting to throw up to prevent my suicide attempt from coming into fruition.
I should have down this ages ago.
I grin the biggest grin I've ever grinned in the entirety of my existence.
"Goodbye."
I raise my hands to the sky and let myself topple forward. It was easy, almost too easy.
My mothers embrace was only seconds away.
It was perfect. The most poetic way I could have gone out.
Live a coward but die a valiant and courageous hero.
And before any single one of my friends died too. I had indeed kept my promise as their bodyguard that not a single one of them would die before I did.
But then the unthinkable happens.
I feel a hot blast of current at my right hand and then a tight clench of inhumanly smooth skin taking hold if it as I'm suspended in mid air.
I open my eyes. I'm no longer going down. My mother's touch is slipping away once more. NO. THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING TO ME. NO!
The one time I seek death and I don't find it. I desire to die and death flees from me.
Is life so unfair as to deny me suffering as well as comfort and human affection too?
Oh cruel fate.
"I've got you Shinji. I just have to pull you up and it'll all be fine… agh…just please hang on" The voice I know to belong to my former sole confidant turned sworn enemy sounds in my ear like a harp from heaven.
A heaven that I was quickly being dragged away from thanks to life's total insistence in throwing me one humiliation tirade after another.
Misato and Asuka would be so furious to see me still alive.
But wait.
Something in the way Rei was tugging at me felt weak and her yowls of pain made it obvious that I was extremely heavy for her.
I never thought I would say this and I certainly didn't mean it in a spiteful manner.
But I was glad Rei's special diet failed to strengthen her muscles in the slightest.
She couldn't pull me up after all. And with how much she very obviously loathed me with her seething tirade, she couldn't possibly want to risk her own neck knowing that keeping me alive meant another chance for me to insult her commander.
The very thing that got her so riled up in the first place.
I buckled a little as my weight took Rei's bent over body forward just enough for me to see the sheer shock and terror in her horrified expression as she came close to the verge of being pulled over the edge with me despite her best efforts to hold on.
"Let me go" I cheerfully requested, a big smile on my face. "Save yourself. You clearly don't want me around and once I'm gone, you'll never see me again. Spend all the time you want with the commander now that he doesn't have the stupid and pointless me to deal with any longer."
"N…no. Never! N, never" she manages to croak out in spite of the sheer exertion she continues to make in spite of her failing balance to keep on the bridge.
"I want to die Rei. There's no point in me living any longer. Even if you save me, I'll just find another way to take my own life" I try to insist as cruelly as possible. "
"You…can't…leave me. I…won't…let…you…go…I…need…you…Shinji"
she pleadingly chokes out with but one ounce of her breath remaining and her grip on my hand slowly but surely beginning to loosen.
"Spare me your lies Rei. You don't need me. You need your beloved commander who sees you as nothing less than his most precious possession on this Earth"
I retort doing my best to raise my remaining arm upwards so as to slap Rei's hand away from me before she falls with me to her death.
"To him you're his everything. To him, you mean so much more than I ever will. And now you can have his undivided affection all for yourself. Now I'll never make the same mistake I made which got you so upset with me because I won't be able to see him ever again. I told you I was sorry for badmouthing him Rei…"
At this point my bravado finally wears thin and a fresh flow of tears blur my already fading vision. I find myself shouting my next words at the top of my lungs.
"BUT WHAT ABOUT THE BAD THINGS HE DID TO ME! DID YOU ONCE NOT THINK THAT MAYBE HE COULD HAVE GIVEN ME JUST ONE DAY OFF AND A LITTLE MORE MONEY TO ME WITH ALL HIS BIG PILES OF CASH IN THAT FAT GOLDEN VAULT HE HAS AT THE BACK OF HIS OFFICE!"
"I didn't realize he was treating you so badly. I really didn't understand." Rei tries to reason as in spite of my attempts to hit her arms away from where they somehow still manage to maintain a firm grip on my right arm, she only seems to strengthen her resolve as her position somehow becomes steady enough once again to keep me from wobbling so much.
"You don't understand anything Rei. You, Asuka, Misato and everyone I'm sorry I ever met know absolutely nothing." I disgustedly spit. I need to make her enraged enough to drop me now that I know pleading won't work.
"You talk a big game about how I'm not working hard enough or I haven't done this, I haven't done that. But what have any of you ever done for me? When was the last time one of you went out of your way to do anything, absolutely anything good for me?"
No reply, just another growl of fatigue as her grip begins to weaken once more.
"All I ever wanted was a single friend who understood my struggle. Not several, not two. Just one. Was that…too much to ask?"
I wistfully wept as I swallow tears unable to move my face or wipe it.
"And I can't take it any longer. I've taken it my whole lifetime. If no one loves me in this world then I may as well not exist any longer. No one needs me, no one depends on me. There are plenty of better pilots who can take my place and plenty of my friends who threaten to kill me everyday because they'd do anything to trade places with me. Who am I to deny them their hopes and dreams?"
"They…can't…replace…you. Shinji. You can't…go"
"Give me one good reason." I retort, trying to wiggle myself free flopping like a fish. I know that it will only take a little energy for me to break free of Rei's hold with how on the edge she already is.
Rei's next words are surprisingly coherent in light of her abundant exhaustion.
"I'm sorry I slapped you, Shinji. It was wrong of me to act so rashly when I had no understanding of the context of your tragic situation."
It was her next sentence that restored to me a faint shred of desire to delay my reunion with my late mother and to remain in this cold and unforgiving planet just a little longer.
"You have a right to be angry Shinji. Anyone less nice and selfless than you would have snapped long ago and by holding it all in so well for so long, I think that makes you the bravest out of all of us. Its we who were in the wrong for misunderstanding you so inconsiderately. Please give me one last chance Shinji. Please, forgive me"
"I will on one condition" I responded as my tears finally began to ease up having heard the first statement of empathy anyone had shown me my whole life long of being ignored as I stopped trying to wriggle allowing Rei to slowly make progress in keeping me held up and keeping her from being pulled over. She still couldn't quite get me up but now that I was still, she could at least keep me in this position a little longer before her strength gave out.
The toxic red water below suddenly begun to seem a lot less pleasant and a lot more frightening as it should have been.
"Absolutely anything Shinji. Absolutely anything." She agreed with renewed spirit, looking into my brown eyes with her red ones wide open.
The first time she made proper eye contact with me. The ultimate sign that I was being taken seriously.
"Be my Waifu" I whispered in the sweetest tone I could muster up. "The only one thing I need to convince me all my sacrifices weren't for nothing, is a caring Waifu.
Not a girlfriend. Rei. And not a wife. I don't need either of those. Asuka was my first girlfriend wife and she completely broke my trust in her from the moment I tried to be nice to her."
My voice became dreamy as I closed my eyes once more.
"A girlfriend and wife abandons me the second I'm no use to her. The moment I display any kind of need. The minute she realizes the unchangeable truth that I'm only human and that I can't be perfect all the time and that I too have a personality, flaws, my own likes and dislikes that don't always line up with everyone else. A waifu doesn't do that. A waifu is with me when I'm happy and when I'm sad.
We laugh together and we cry together. And in the final, fatal moment when all hope is lost and the jaws of an Angel are bearing down on me ready to rip me to shreds, I will find my Waifu next to me determined not to let me die alone. This is the one thing I spent my life looking for, Rei. Grant me this and you will have bestowed upon me eternal contentment and bliss."
A yes or an okay would have perfectly sufficed to let the idea of taking my own life forever be relegated to the furthest thing from my mind.
But if there was one thing I liked about Rei, my first, my last and my only Waifu from then on onwards it was her ability to always surprise me in ways I never thought possible.
"Ever since the moment we first met Shinji. My life's purpose was to prove myself to you. To make you realize that nothing and no one could ever mean more to me than you and you alone.
When you loved me Shinji, everything was beautiful."
She cleared her throat and stifled a sob of her own causing my chest to hurt in a blissfully sensational way I never thought possible.
"Every hour we spent together would continue to live eternally within my heart. You are the one, who gave my life direction. And when you were happy, so was I. When I was lonely, you were always there to comfort me. When you loved me. Since the first time we came upon each other, every thought that I had was you. And everything I did, I did for you. And I was, I was just scared of what the commander, I mean, your father would do to you if you didn't stop bad mouthing him immediately. I feared how he'd discipline you as he once disciplined me especially knowing he loved you even less than me."
She was slowly making progress in beginning to haul me up bit by bit. She was tired. But if there was one other thing that I loved about Rei it was her ability to always come through when she needed to as if there was a hidden reserve of raw power within her that she could call upon only in the most critical of times.
"You made me realize there was more to life than degrading myself for the sake of not being punished by your father. The one who helped me see that even as inhuman as most find me, even I am worth something. And if I were to spend every last day of my life thanking you for all the good you've done for me, it'd never be enough Shinji."
And then with one titanic bout of strength that would drive even the Greek God Jupiter himself to fits of envy, with one smooth motion she completely lifted me from the bridge causing her and me to topple in the process so that we lay side by side safe at last on the gravelly asphalt of Tokyo 3's eastern canal.
"Thank you. Shinji" She thankfully said, putting her lips closer and closer to mine in spite of her apparent weariness from almost killing herself to save me.
"For everything you've done for me. Me. Rei Ayanami. Your eternal and everlasting Waifu from now till forever till death do us part."
And before I could pull away or protest, she managed despite her shakiness and sweatiness to pull me in for the most sweet, passionate kiss that anyone could ever have imagined possible in the eternity since the human race discovered the divine pleasures of romance which would forever set it on a different path entirely from the animal races it would become dominant over thanks to its eventual realization of the value of teamwork, companionship and cooperation.
She firmly held my chest to hers as she kept her lips locked with mine. At first I wanted to pull away being the introvert I was but I forced myself to submit to her charming embrace.
It was the least she deserved after I had caused her so much unnecessary heartache and nearly gotten her killed once again with my stupidity and self-centredness.
Even when the lack of oxygen was beginning to gag my face blue, I refused to let go until she did and then and only then did I allow myself to take a few gasps of much needed air hating every bit the fact that as a mammal with lungs this was required for my survival.
"Never. Let. Me. Go. After. Tonight" I firmly yet delicately requested as my normal colour returned and my light headedness went away.
I had just narrowly avoided deaths door but this needed to be said before anything else could possibly happen to either of us depriving us the merciful chance merciful fate had seen fit to grant for this long due confession.
"I never will." She promised almost on a hair trigger as if she knew this was coming. "Not for as long as I draw breath and never after that."
We began to draw closer to once again repeat the exchange having both recovered our needed air. We didn't know how long we'd live in the tough times we were living in and with our duties and so we wanted to enjoy this opportunity as long as we could before we…
"Let him go, loser blue . You can't have the idiot. He's mine."
Came the shockingly hoarse and furious call of the one acquaintance I hoped not to happen upon in me and my newfound waifu's finest hour.
Without needing to struggle to my feet, I shifted my glance a little sideways to find standing on the other side of the bridge with a look of pure, undiluted hatred and envy was the very nightmare I had wished to avoid by coming here.
Her face was redder than her hair and her fists which she was already rolling around having barely addressed the two of us were clenched rounder than the finest crafted ball mace.
"I very strongly advise you against making any further movements" Asuka ordered, jagged ice in every syllable with her discerning glare fixed completely on Rei completely blanking me from her vision.
"Leave right now and never let me catch you anywhere within ten feet of my idiot ever again."
Rei blinked several times in response to this raging tirade. She had been scared earlier for me but now Asuka had pushed her far and beyond her final grips of rationalism and sanity.
"N,no Asuka…please" I tried to beg with the little air my almost empty lungs managed to salvage but she cuts me off almost immediately and my words like silent raindrops fell.
"Go away right now and if I ever see you even looking in Shinji's direction, what I will do to you will not be pleasant in the slightest. I will break every single bone in your body. I will rip you apart limb from limb and make you regret the day you were born. I swear, I won't restrain myself and you will scream your heart out if you don't do what I say and that is to get far, far away from Shinji right this instant"
She takes a step forward, her fists still tightly balled as she adopts an almighty fighting stance to show she's not joking.
"You have until the count of 3 before you get me, really. Really. Mad."
Somehow in spite of the obvious fear in Rei's wide agape eyes and mouth, she manages to stagger clumsily to her feet causing Asuka's teeth to clench a little loser as she lowers her fists the slightest bit.
"Good. You're not so stupid. Maybe you really are a bit better than I thought and…"
"No" Rei barked, her vocalization of this simple but effective word the sternest I'd ever heard from her.
"NANI?" Asuka incredulously sputtered, staggering back briefly. The only Japanese word she seemed to understand from her more than adequate time spent living here to properly learn our glorious language other than Baka.
"I said no!" Rei reiterates, her expression still calm in spite of the twisted amalgamation of righteous fury and submissiveness flying through her mind in that moment.
"I can't do that. I can't let your absolutely inhumane mistreatment towards the man whose done nothing but good for you continue. I just can't. He doesn't deserve your crap and you know he doesn't."
"How dare you talk to me that way you little bastard. Take back every word or you're really going to get it big time." The redhead's face turns an even deeper shade of crimson at Rei's defiance.
I didn't know Rei was capable of this, this superhuman heroism. I truly had, the best and greatest waifu in all of Anime history. If only I could pick myself up, but shock and breathlessness kept me shivering on the ground.
"No Asuka. Not until you take back every single insult you've given your one true friend who's bent over backwards slaving after you since the day you came to ruin our miserable lives. You don't know the full extent of what he's been through and even if you did, I doubt you'd care being the self cantered narcissist everyone knows you are but is afraid to tell you."
"And you don't know how bad my childhood was so shut your trap. You don't know how hard it was for me." Asuka moaned.
Rei took one look at the still pathetically laid down me, at the sad and lonely bags under my eyes caused by years of neglect and inability to communicate with any human being.
Then she fixed her disapproving stare on Asuka once again.
"I know perfectly well how it wasn't easy for you either Asuka. Shinji told me all about it. He told me your father abandoned you and your mother thought a doll was you after she was involved in one of NERV's shady experiments that they never told you about. And you know what? It doesn't matter. None of it matters. None of it excuses your sadistic behaviour because Shinji's not your mother or your father and the past is in the past."
Rei looks away shamefully for a brief flash as she softens her rage a little as if to try and comfort rather than chastise Asuka.
"The past is done Asuka. Time never looks back and you shouldn't either. Shinji isn't trying to upstage you or to steal your thunder. He's just trying to be the best he can so that when you're in trouble he can be there for you and so that he can save the world for all our sakes. He doesn't care about fame. He certainly doesn't take pleasure from seeing you envious at him. He wanted to help you."
I half expected this to be the turning point in Asuka's personality. The point in time that she pulled the long awaited heel turn I always deep down knew she was capable off. The mushy and cheesy part where we all said our apologies and agreed to forgive each other so that together we could move forward to a new and brighter future as good friends.
Reality was not an Anime as much as I wished it was.
Since though Asuka was for a few short seconds taken aback by Rei's rhetoric, she quickly recovered her scowl and the light in her eyes even more quickly fizzled out completely.
She advanced another step forward menacingly.
"Shut up. Just shut up. Know your place you hard mouthed little creep. You're going to step away from Shinji right this instant or you are really not going to like what happens next."
Her threats were soft but dangerous. Hissy like a king cobra that had found its hapless pray.
And as I recovered the little ounce of strength I needed to at least sit up, Rei stepped further in front of me in a stance that reminded me of the stands in Jojo's bizarre adventure.
She held her arms out wide as if to shield me from Asuka's unstoppable wrath.
"As Shinji's waifu, I must order you to cease this unprecedented action against him immediately. It does not matter your threats. I, Rei Ikari Nee Rei Ayanami, am not open to negotiations of any sort."
She looked at Asuka and Asuka at her.
Gaze into the abyss and the abyss gazed back.
I thought it pretty impressive that Asuka knew one Japanese word aside from Baka. A great shame it had to be used in the most unfortunate of circumstances but still.
But the world was not done tormenting me yet with unfortunate surprises that came one after another out of left field to seize away any vestige of pleasure I could ever hope to get my hands on.
For as Rei positioned herself to protect me at any cost knowing the great risk she was incurring upon herself, Asuka finally broke out of all bounds as with a quiet snarl she uttered the third and final Japanese word she had deigned to memorize.
"In that case, "Shinji's Waifu". SHINE."
The official Kanji for die. The Japanese characters I dreaded learning the most back in Japanese class in first year of preschool.
Then before I knew what was happening, she jumped right at the blue haired pilot with a look of utter madness with a vicious roar more animal than human.
I think I tried to intervene but was slapped aside like a fly to a swatter and the next second as sight and hearing returned from my brief daze, Rei was flopping like a fish out of water as Asuka's brutal arms were closed round her neck like a vice grip whose only function was to tighten.
Asuka was so strong she could easily hold Rei up like she was a child's fluffed doll and she was beaming ear to ear as her hold on Rei's windpipe closed firmer and firmer and Rei's eyes bulged from their sockets as the most horrifying expression of all lined her quickly whitening face as she tried not to choke to death at once.
What had I gotten myself into?
What had I done?
Rei POV
Seeing the Germanic Redhead decide upon the decision to strangle me to death with no hint of sympathy in her firmness, it filled me with determination.
I could see it now. So, that's it then Asuka.
I rescue you from that horrible angel Arael trying to force you to relive your most traumatic past experiences and you're just going to repay me by reminding me of my own most traumatizing memory of them all. One I buried firmly in the depths of my subconscious and wished with all my fervour to never see resurface.
How impolite and inconsiderate I once was, not knowing my brazen choice of vulgar language could break a nice and altruistic scientist's psyche.
How richly I deserved the karmic punishment she chose to inflict upon me. How good that strangehold felt in my previous incarnation's final moments and how riddled with incurable guilt I would forever be only to find out that Ritsko's mother Naoko decided that killing me wasn't enough and decided to kill herself upon being returned to life in a new body.
You were going to let me relive this experience once again after I risked tooth and nail to let you not have to do the same.
Fair Asuka. Very fair.
The numbers flashed before my fading vision. Numbers I knew I had seen before but didn't know where. Numbers I hoped I would never have to make use of but which I inevitably knew I would have to one day.
The fallen child Asuka.
Level of Violence: 19/20
Hit Points: 92/92
Attack: 46
Defence: 14
Execution Points: 99998/99999
Check: She's determined not to let me live at any cost. And she has me in a chokehold from which there is no escape, especially with how tired I still am from pulling Shinji back over the bridge and the kiss I gave to finally seal our everlasting devotion to each other.
The FIGHT button was broken. The ACT button, smashed to smithereens.
And even if my commander wasn't so greedy with my pay, I had no ITEM that could be of any use whatsoever in this hellish encounter that come out of completely nowhere notwithstanding my best attempts to avoid violence.
And MERCY? Oh, mercy me.
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One of the biggest mistakes people make in relationships is waiting too long to confess. It doesn't work and it only exemplifies how your love is not as strong as you first think it is?
And if the object of your affection can't see your feelings for them in spite of the obvious signs you are making despite your inability to confess, perhaps they are not as thoughtful of you as you think and maybe you don't mean that much to them.
If it takes several seasons for two characters to notice feelings for each other, then you have to wonder just how inconsiderate and oblivious they've been with each other.
It's frustrating to watch.
It's not out of character for Asuka to be so cruel. She nearly choked Shinji to death when they were the last survivors left in the end of Evangelion and when she first met Shinji in Rebuild 2.22, she kicked him in the nose hard enough to draw blood simply because he happened to be by the bathroom when she came out through no fault of his own. She also tried to slap Rei in the infamous elevator
