Arthur watched the little digital clock on his dashboard. He didn't want to let Merlin down. It was nine minutes when he pulled into the car park of The Hog's Head. Despite the sounds coming from the pub the car park looked fairly empty, but most likely people hadn't wanted to drive and had either walked or taken the bus. Arthur parked up by the grass verge that bordered onto the pavement and also lay close to the phone box that he presumed Merlin had used, and that was, at that moment, empty.
Getting out of the car he looked around.
"Merlin?" Arthur asked, to the empty air. He felt a shiver of panic as he stepped sideways and looked around. The sounds of music and conversation drifted from the pub, the noise almost faint; it contrasted with the still air around him in the car park. Arthur shut the door and locked his car, stepping forward to look around. Merlin might have gone back into the pub, but Arthur didn't think that was too likely, unless of course Will had come out and located him. Pulling his phone from his pocket, Arthur checked it. Merlin hadn't tried to contact him a second time.
Stepping over to the phone box Arthur looked around, grimacing as he saw the fresh vomit that trailed down one of the lower panels.
"Merlin?" Arthur raised his voice and tensed as something moved in the darkness near a cluster of bushes. The tall, slim shadow separated itself from the foliage and walked towards him. Arthur stepped to meet him, reaching out to take Merlin's wrist, holding gently.
"Are you all right, Merlin?"
Merlin nodded, looking a little wild around the eyes but as Arthur met his gaze he saw the reassurance he brought to Merlin.
"I did stay by the phone but then there was this group of people from the pub and they... and one was sick and I didn't want to go back."
"That's all right. I just needed you to stay close so I could find you. You're okay now."
Merlin shuffled closer and by sheer instinct Arthur reached out and gently pulled Merlin into a tight hug. In response Merlin huffed, leaning into Arthur and wrapping his arms tightly around his waist. Merlin's head dropped onto Arthur's shoulder. Arthur rubbed his hand up and down Merlin's back.
"Okay, it's okay. Let's get you sorted. Where's your mum then?"
"Away, for the night. She has some friends and they invited her over. Since Will promised to come over I told her she should go. I don't want to ruin it for her."
"You won't, we'll ring her and tell her that you're with me. She's coming back tomorrow then?"
Merlin nodded. "She made friends with them... when I was... you know... they're like a support group. They did ask me but I didn't want to and..."
"Merlin, let's get you into the car," Arthur turned, keeping on arm around Merlin to guide him and glancing round he saw the pair of police officers who were walking towards them. Merlin tensed but Arthur paused and waited, realising they were heading over to speak to them. As Merlin sent a panicked glance at him Arthur smiled reassuringly.
"They're just passing through, don't worry."
"Is everything all right?" One of the policemen asked, then as he moved further forward he frowned, assessing Arthur. "Dr Pendragon."
Arthur didn't feel surprised that he was known, but he also watched the two men look at Merlin, and flickers of recognition sparked. The man-power put into the hunt for the missing boys had been huge, so it was likely that most police officers could identify Merlin.
"It's fine, I came to pick up Merlin."
"Oh, yes, of course," the officer said, looking confused but easily accepting of what Arthur said.
"Merlin!"
Will's voice echoed around the car park. Arthur saw him running out of the door and across the tarmac. Will slowed as he saw Arthur and the two policemen and Arthur saw the anger and confusion on his face. Merlin looked up, but bumped closer to Arthur.
"Sorry, I couldn't find you, and I came outside and saw the phone box. I needed Arthur."
"I was only gone a minute; I just saw Mithian and..." Will tailed off, glowering at Arthur.
"Merlin, you go get in the car, okay," Arthur said, shifting his grip to pull away from Merlin and turn him in the right direction. "You get settled, I want to talk to Will."
Arthur held up his key fob and pressed the button. The lights flashed once and the car beeped merrily even though he was a good distance away from his still un-grown-up car. It never, he knew, let him down when he needed it to behave. He gave Merlin a push, urging him towards the little Beetle.
Merlin looked up at him, then at the car, then at Will and then at the two policemen, and then back to Arthur.
"Go on, I'll just be a minute."
Since Merlin looked increasingly worried one of the officers stepped forward.
"It's fine. Shall I go with him?" he asked Arthur.
"Go on Merlin. I'll be a couple of minutes, you'll be fine."
Merlin looked highly uncertain and gave the police officer a suspicious glance before he walked away, shuffling over to Arthur's car. As soon as Merlin turned Arthur indicated a few curt gestures to the police officer to tell him he should follow, but stay back and under no circumstances move forward to touch Merlin. The man looked baffled, but nodded and did as asked. Merlin looked around and realised the man had no intention of even attempt to invade his space, but merely flanked him as reassurance. That relaxed Merlin and Arthur turned his attention to Will.
"He could have come and looked for me."
"In a crowded pub, no, there was no way he could have," Arthur said. "He wanted out and as much as you don't like it, I am the most reassuring person he knows. I understand what he's been through."
Arthur watched the shift in Will's face, because Arthur made that clear. It was not just because he had been Merlin's psychiatrist, and still should be since Merlin was making no progress, and wouldn't without him. This was to do with the fact that Arthur had been there, and Will realised that. Arthur saw it sometimes, when people recognised him, when they saw him for what he was.
Despite the extreme nature of the circumstances, there was no denying the fact. He had killed two people. No one would argue the point that Arthur had done it because of self-preservation, and to protect Merlin. But the effect didn't just occur with strangers who randomly recognised him. Arthur had seen it from his friends, and from his family. He had done what he needed to do, and it scared people, possibly because he had completed it so well.
Arthur was, to put it simply, clearly capable of anything. It frightened others, and it frightened Arthur himself. He just had to spend more time living with it, and he had become accustomed to it.
"Will, you can't do this. He's not who he was, you can't turn him back into the Merlin you knew."
"I don't want to," Will said, clearly believing that, but also, Arthur decided, lying to himself at the same time. Since it was probably not the time to bring that up Arthur let it lie.
"You must have realised he wouldn't be able to cope in a situation like that," Arthur said instead. Will again looked angry, and gave the policeman still lingering at Arthur's side a wary glance.
"He could have said he didn't want to go."
"Did you give him a chance to?"
Will's fists clenched at his side, and thankfully a tall, slim girl with dark, wavy hair caused a distraction as she came out of the door.
"Will!" As she walked out she paused, assessing the scene. "What's going on?"
No one answered her. Arthur ignored her, guessing this was Mithian, the girl that Will had been talking to and had therefore forgotten Merlin.
"Just go back in, Will. I'll look after Merlin."
"I should stay with him, I promised Hunith."
"I'll call her, she won't have any reason to worry," Arthur said, deciding to completely override any of Will's arguments.
"Are you taking him home?"
"I don't know yet. There is no point you worrying about him. You can't stop living your life because Merlin's is on hold."
"I just want him to be back to how he was. You don't know Merlin like I do!"
Arthur refrained from pointing out that contradicted his words of a moment ago. Again, Arthur just Will's contradicting behaviour alone.
"No, I don't Will, and that is the point. You knew Merlin before this happened to him. I don't know the friend that you had, but I do know that he has gone!"
Arthur didn't exactly shout but his words made Will flinch.
"The Merlin I know is the one that is here now. I knew him when he came to the hospital. I know that Merlin, and I can safely say I know that Merlin better than anyone. Even you. He's too fragile for this, I hate to say it. I really hate to, but you're not good for him, you're not helping. You need to go, get on with your own life, and maybe you can get to know Merlin again."
"I was there! I was there all the time he was away! I looked after his mother, I did all the things she needed, when the pipes froze when the washing machine broke..."
"Hunith is not Merlin. There is no denying that you helped her. I saw you, and you bonded with her while Merlin was gone. Now she's dealing with him, and not deluding herself that it's all going to go back to how it was. She knows Merlin has changed, she's tried to change with him. You need to get on, do what you need to do and there is no reason to cut yourself off, from either of them. But they are reacquainting themselves with each other. The only reason I get to stand about and pontificate is the fact that Merlin, this Merlin, responded to me first. I know him better than his mother, and Hunith would conceded that. Being jealous over me achieves nothing, nor does putting your life on hold. Go back to the pub and get on with it."
Arthur by that point thought he had ranted enough. Almost.
"You came here to meet up with Mithian, on the pretext of taking Merlin out and getting him used to the world again, and no doubt thinking you could regain what you lost. Bit if you want to reconnect with him, you have to step backwards."
That was the end of it. Arthur couldn't say any more. He actually thought he had said the same thing, three times, just in different ways. Will was trying with Merlin, but he was doing it wrong. And as he looked at Will now, strong, robust and flushed from drink Arthur wondered if Will had known him at all. He understood Merlin's quirks and had followed along where Merlin went.
And perhaps that was the problem. Will had lost his lead, and wanted it back. Arthur didn't know if the situation ran that deeply, and he didn't have time to probe that.
"I can't tell you anything more. I have to go."
Arthur walked away, straight to his car. He paused by the officer that had followed Merlin and told them Will's name and the street he lived on. Arthur didn't know the exact house number but if he stalked off, at least they could get him home. Arthur actually wanted, and he told the officer as such, for him to just go back into the pub. Will wouldn't make any trouble, but Arthur couldn't, didn't, want to help him.
"Will you be all right Dr Pendragon?"
"Yes. I'm fine with Merlin. And my father knows I'm here and I will be contact him regarding this."
"We are supposed to issue some information to Bayard."
"Do so," Arthur said. "I don't think he will think that I am doing anything inappropriate to responding a friend calling me for help."
At that the man nodded and backed off. Arthur opened the driver's door and got into his car, shutting it and looking at Merlin.
"Are you all right?"
"Yes. Was Will angry?"
"Not at you. Don't you worry about that." Arthur said putting the key in the ignition and turning it. The car gave it's usual indignant splutter and then started. Arthur put it in reverse and slowly turned to get himself out of the car park Merlin turned his head to look around.
"Did you call the police? Or your dad?"
"My dad was there when you called, but that's not why they were there. They go past here a lot after that whole thing about the protection racquet and drug dealing ring going on there. Dad had a few officers working under-cover there. About five years ago it all came out, the day after my twenty-seventh birthday."
"You remember that well."
Arthur shrugged, and paused as he drove up to the exit of the car park. His hands tightened on the steering wheel.
"It was one occasion my father took me out soon enough to make it seem like a birthday dinner. Then just before the main course was delivered he got a phone call telling him Gwaine had been hurt while at the pub. The guy they were watching got too heavy with the barmaid, the landlord's daughter, and Gwaine naturally intervened. The guy stabbed him."
"So your dad left you?"
"Practically threw his credit card at me and didn't even bother making excuses. I paid as soon as I could and left, and went to my mother. I don't know if she had words with him."
Arthur put the car in a lower gear and paused at the junction, indicating left, even though there was no one to see it. He turned and started to drive.
"I thought you said your parents didn't talk."
"I'm starting to revise that opinion. I think for every occasion like that they kept their venom between themselves, and thought it best to never tell me. Do you want to go home, Merlin?"
"I never knew my father, I never had to worry about that. What?"
"Shall I take you home? We can ring your mum and I'll stay, I can bunk on the sofa."
"She'll just want to come home, I don't want that. She'll just worry."
"We could go to my flat. She might stress less if she knows you're with me, but somewhere that is neutral. I know she might feel obliged to come back if you are at home. It might be easier if you are somewhere she doesn't know."
"She might worry more."
"Knowing you're with me?"
"Can you ring her when we get there? I don't think I'll say it right."
"I'm sure you'd be fine but I will. Do you mind? My guest room is a bit sparse but it will be okay, and I can find you some pyjamas or boxers to sleep in."
Merlin grimaced and looked out of the window.
"I can't seem to sleep unless I'm naked."
Arthur frowned, glancing at Merlin, who was resolutely staring at the scenery. It seemed an odd thing.
"You wore pyjamas at the hospital."
"I didn't sleep much," Merlin said. "Just now, I can't... I just remember the bed in the farmhouse, and..."
And what had been done had put Merlin into a habit, clearly one that his treatment at the hospital had not worked him out of.
"Is it something you want to stop?"
Merlin turned to look at him. "Do you think that would help?"
Arthur paused to concentrate on driving as he negotiated a mini-roundabout, glaring at a cab driver who almost went across his right of way. Then as he straightened up he said.
"I don't think it makes much of a different. People develop habits for all sort of different reasons. If you are more comfortable that like then it is because you got used to it. Stressing over such a detail probably isn't worth it."
Merlin frowned and went back to looking out of the window. Arthur didn't bother trying to engage him in conversation, the silence between them seemed entirely companionable. He was used to not hearing any conversation from Merlin, and Arthur had never bothered overly chatting to Merlin in his catatonic state. That sort of thing was Elena's specialty.
"Is that why you don't like Gwaine?" Merlin turned back and suddenly asked. The car jerked slightly as Arthur jumped in surprise. He went down a gear to prevent the engine from stalling and put his foot down on the accelerator. Once the car had levelled out Arthur answered.
"I think it's a little more complicated than like and dislike."
"He doesn't like you, or... that's wrong, what I just said...he doesn't understand your aversion to him."
"I'm not adverse to him. It's just, my dad thought I would follow him into the police force and I think from when I was a baby he thought I would just toddle in his footsteps. Then I didn't, and he just used to pick out people that he could encourage and nurture. Gwaine was one of them."
"And that made him seem more important than you?"
"That night when my father ran of. I know he's not good a delegating things like that but Morgana was already on scene with Gwaine and there was no reason for him to get that involved. I could have understood him wanted to keep his phone on and listening to updates but just to drop everything and run away from me..."
"Maybe he found Gwaine easier."
"I thought I'm meant to be the psychiatrist."
"And sometimes you seem to assume that people don't listen to you and understand what you say."
"Just for the record though, I don't hate Gwaine, it's just hard sometimes to deal with him. I can look at him and see what my father imagined me to be like, before I was even born."
"The rough and tumble save the world type?" Merlin said.
"Interesting analogy. Gwaine is that, I'm not."
Merlin went back to the scenery. "I wouldn't have said that. I know."
Merlin knew, Arthur was capable of anything, and he did not judge him for it.
