"Nice to meet you, my name is Motohama.." A boyish voice said to Issei.
Issei curiously looked up to meet the eyes of a young boy who couldn't be older than ten. He was around Issei's age, then.
Issei silently stared at the boy, taking in his appearance. Motohama was extremely developed compared to the other kids in primary school. He stacked at least two heads taller than Issei. The boy had long black hair, with bangs covering over his closed eyes. He was smiling at Issei.
Motohama opened his eyes. Issei could see the ordinary dark brown eyes that the majority of the world had. It looked like they tried their hardest to get to the distinct shade of black, but would always be forever brown.
"You're a quiet one, aren't you?" Motohama seemed to be in the middle of seriousness and placity. Issei had never seen that type of behavior before in a child his age.
Motohama went towards the right of Issei, sitting on the seat of the swing adjacent to Issei. Issei just watched as Motohama started backing up in the swing and brought his feet off the ground, beginning to swing at an angle. Motohama brought his legs in and out, in and out, and Issei couldn't help but just observe Motohama as he swung.
After a few minutes, Motohama put his feet back to the ground and skidded to a stop, the noise of his shoes frictioning against the rubber of the black swing mat. "You aren't going to swing?" The boy looked questioningly at Issei, seemingly interested in the fact that Issei was sitting still while being the first one on the swings.
Issei looked back at Motohama, trying to communicate with his eyes. He hoped Motohama would understand his meaning.
"You got a name, silent one?" Motohama inquired Issei. He hated nicknames.
"Don't call me that." Issei talked back to Motohama with a high pitch voice. Issei's right eye twitched. He cringed at the sound of his voice. It was almost alien to him, and he didn't want to remember its childish tone and effect.
Motohama smiled at Issei. "Okay, quiet one." He didn't smirk at Issei. It seemed more like a joke than a taunt.
"My name doesn't matter," Issei told Motohama with a soft voice.
"Well, Doesn't Matter, nice to meet you. My name is Motohama." The boy's smile seemed to be permanently edged onto his face. Issei wanted nothing more than to see it gone in the moment.
"That's not funny." Issei didn't smile along with the black-haired boy.
"What isn't?" Motohama asked, feigning ignorance.
Issei sighed. "Issei." He finally spoke his name up, not wanting to play this game anymore.
"What about Issei?" Motohama encouraged Issei to continue speaking. The brown-haired boy didn't share the same sentiment.
Luckily for Issei, Motohama's mom came from behind her son. "Motohama! I was wondering where you ran off too. This is a public playground. You could get all kinds of germs from touching these swings."
Motohama gave Issei one last look before he turned his head to his mother. Motohama's mom grabbed her son's cheek and pressed the back of her hand against his forehead, checking his temperature. "You don't seem to be sick. That's good at least. Come on Motohama, let's go home.
Motohama's mother turned her back to Issei, walking in the direction of the sunset. She, however, stopped when she noticed the lack of Motohama walking along with her.
"Motohama?" She intoned. She looked behind her to find that Motohama was still staring at that other boy. "Motohama." She called his name as she went to go snatch his hand, ready to drag him to the car if need be.
"It's 5:30 PM, Okaa-san." What was he talking about? Checking her wristwatch, she found that his estimate was about accurate.
"Yeah. That's why we need to go home, Motohama. It's getting dark. Come on, the soup is getting cold." She gestured with her hand for him to follow her. She started walking to the car again, thinking that he would understand this time now that she made it simple.
"Motohama?" For some reason, her son still wasn't following her.
"Then why isn't he going home, Okaa-san?" Motohama's mom was confused. Was he talking about the other boy? Reaching her head around Motohama's figure, she saw that he had locked eyes with the other boy and wouldn't take them off the other boy's body.
"I don't know, Motohama. I'm your mom, not his." She brought her hands up to her face, sighing. "Your father misses you, Motohama. Let's go home." She didn't want to invoke his father's name to persuade her son, but it was a last resort.
"My father is dead, Okaa-san." Her son said bluntly. She cringed. Being a mother was hard. Being a single mother was impossible. It was times like this when she really wished there was a handbook for parenthood.
"Okay Motohama, I'll allow you to bring the other boy with us. Can we go home now, Moto-kun?" She was getting semi-impatient. Everyone else in the playground had already left long ago. It was just the two small boys next to her.
Motohama didn't say anything and simply broke eye contact with the other boy for the first time in three minutes. He turned in her direction, and she took that as her cue to turn around as well. The walking was silent except for the sound of her high heels clicking against the concrete ground and her purse shaking as it shuffled from side to side, only held in place by the strap that prevented it from falling off her person.
She reached for her purse and balanced it against her abdomen as she unzipped it. Putting her hand in the gap it created, she fumbled around looking for something. She brought out an object in her hand and zipped the purse back up.
She outstretched her arm in the direction of the car, and pressed the vehicle icon on her remote key. The car beeped and it's rear highlights glowed the bright yellow of the LED's. She put her index finger in the steel split key ring and twirled it over and over. The clacks of her high heels was the sole comfort she had that she still existed in the silent world.
Spinning the car key one last time, she caught it in her hand and opened the already unlocked driver's door. She sat in the leather seat of her car and bent down to exchange her heels for flats. It wasn't a question of being able to drive in heels or not, she was perfectly able to perform at the same degree, but rather a problem of her toes hurting. The flats that she always kept nearby was a blissful solution.
Hearing the passenger's door open, she knew that it was Motohama. She put the car key in the empty slit and turned it right, hearing the car rev up. She put her hands on the 10 and 2 o' clock of the steering wheel and flexed her fingers. Tapping her fingers, she waited to hear the clicking of the seatbelt.
The sole of her right flat pressed against the pedal as her left knee rose up and down, her feet tapping against the carpet of the car. Finally hearing the sound of Motohama being situated, she looked in the rearview mirror to see the boy from the playground buckled into the left seat of the back. It was the seat right behind Motohama, and he was staring at her with doe eyes.
"What's your name, otoko no ko?" She looked in the mirror to see his reaction. His lips weren't moving.
"His name is Issei, Okaa-san." She turned to see her son talking to her. He seemed to be a bit too friendly for a boy she's never seen in her life. It seemed he had already assumed the role of Issei's spokesperson.
"Issei? That's a nice name." It was a common name in Japan, but she said it in good faith. "Is your house close to here? I'll drop you off first."
Issei pointed a finger in a direction silently, and she sighed. Over the course of the next few minutes, she resisted the urge to pull her hair out as Issei was being unhelpfully quiet. The cracks of the lack of communication really started to show as she got lost a couple of times. Issei just looked at her with an innocent expression on his face that Motohama's mom couldn't get mad at.
Once Issei stopped pointing, Motohama's mother knew she had arrived at his house. It was a decent house, middle class with one story. She supposed she could see Motohama and herself living here. It seemed homely.
She unbuckled her seatbelt and opened the door of her car. She moved to go help Motohama, but he had already done it himself so she went for Issei instead. Issei just sat still, even after the seatbelt had already been unbuckled. She lifted up his relaxed arm and pulled it off him.
Thankfully, she didn't have to drag him by his hand, as Issei got up off his own and exited the car. Motohama was just waiting outside for them to finish, as the last car door closed and they headed to the front of the house.
Motohama's mom knocked on the door, because there didn't seem to be a doorbell she could ring. After a small wait, the door opened from the inside and Motohama's mother was greeted by another woman.
"Hello, how can I help you?" The woman had long brown hair that went down to the middle of her back. She had almond shaped chestnut eyes and a kind face. Her smile was sincere, with her mouth muscles shifting to the side to accommodate for the movement.
She had a normal cream colored long sleeve shirt on and blue jeans. She looked like she had just graduated university and was on her way to get started in the workforce. Motohama's mother wished her good luck in her endeavors.
The woman seemed to notice Issei's figure trailing behind with Motohama. She tilted her head to get a better view of him. "Issei, is that you?" The woman immediately stepped outside, leaving the door wide open behind her.
She knelt down and hugged Issei's prone body. It was quite sweet. "Are you Issei's older sister?" Motohama's mother asked. She seemed to have that caretaker vibe to her.
The woman laughed. "You flatter me. No, I'm Issei's mom." Motohama's mother's eyebrow arched. The woman was beautiful for her age, whatever it was. She probably had Issei when she was very young. Motohama's mother didn't judge, it was her body and she could do whatever she wanted with it.
"Oh, apologies then. Your son was at the playground by himself, and my son practically ordered me to deliver him back home to you." Motohama's mother didn't imagine Issei having the greatest family since they didn't even seem to notice that he was gone. However, Issei's mother didn't really fit the description of a unconcerned family member by even a small margin.
Issei's mom ruffled her son's hair. If it were possible to mess it up even further, she accomplished that feat. "Yeah. Issei goes out when his father or I am not looking. No matter what I tell him, he won't stay home. I know it might not seem like it since he doesn't talk much, but he's actually a very good listener. He just chooses whether or not he wants to listen sometimes."
She stood back up and extended her hand to Motohama's mother, giving a proper introduction. "Where are my manners? I am Miyumi Hyoudou, nice to meet you." Motohama's mother took the woman's outstretched hands in hers and shook it firmly.
Issei's mother then let her hand go and started patting around her jeans, apparently searching for something. "Where is it? I know I had it somewhere. I'm so clumsy." She reached into her back pocket and pulled out something. A capped pen.
She bit the cap off with her teeth and spitted it to the side. Not very woman-like, Motohama's mother noted, amused. "What's your number?" The brown haired lady continued. That was...quick. The introductions hadn't even finished; they didn't even exchange names.
"But I-" Motohama's mother tried to start, but Issei's maternal figure shooed her off. She waved her hand to the side like whatever Motohama's mother wanted to say was irrelevant.
"Nonsense. I feel like this is the start of a beautiful relationship. I don't really know how to use a flip phone, but I think my corded house phone would do just fine. Now, where were we? Oh, yeah."
Motohama's mother grimaced as Issei's mother went on and on. She looked at both of their sons in the side of her eye and saw that Motohama was trying to start conversation with the other boy, while Issei just looked at them with wide innocent chestnut eyes.
Over the course of the next few years, Motohama's family and Issei's got pretty close. They went to church together, up until the point in which the Kuoh cathedral had unexpectedly ceased to profess masses and had been subsequently abandoned. Motohama's mother didn't mind too much, she wasn't that much of a religious person, but Issei's mother seemed devastated.
Their sons had maintained a short-distance relationship since they didn't attend the same primary school. In secondary school however, Motohama and Issei kicked off their friendship further than previously due to them being able to see each other in class.
Contradictory though, Issei stopped coming over to their house even though it seemed like Motohama and him were getting along splendidly; even more than before. Whether that was due to Motohama stopping to extend an invitation or Issei simply denying the ones that he did give was not something she knew the answer to. It didn't matter anyways, Motohama didn't seem to mind one bit so Motohama's mother couldn't bring herself to feel any wistfulness for the other woman's son. She was close to Issei's mother, not Issei. He was a family friend, but still just a friend. Caring for Issei was more of Motohama's type of thing.
One day, Motohama and Issei were hanging out on the swings of the same playground that they had met each other. The place was vacant of everyone else besides the two teenagers who were a little too old to be in the park meant for children. Issei was still watching Motohama swing, just like he did when he was younger. Except this time, Motohama was used to Issei just sitting silently as he swung. It seemed that Motohama wanted to talk today though.
"Issei." Motohama started as Issei heard his octave sound warped due to his position being constantly fluctuating in the air.
"Yes, Motohama?" Issei wondered what could be on Motohama's mind right now.
"What's your thoughts on honesty?" Motohama knew that Issei had a lot of thoughts on many things, but honesty was never a topic that they had really covered together.
"Uhm. Lying is a part of life and can be productive and useful in many different scenarios. It has both value as something to utilize and can backfire easily, leading to additional problems on top of lying. That, being said, I don't really like to lie."
Motohama kept swinging and started reaching higher points in both the front and in the back. "Lying is different from a lie. Honesty is different from the truth. I'm not talking about whether or not you have brown hair and chestnut eyes." Motohama skidded to a stop, feeling a little bit dizzy.
"I don't follow." Issei said, confused about what his friend was getting at.
"Issei, are you fine currently?" Motohama was wondering about his well being?
"Well, I'm relatively fine right now. Nothing special has happened in the past few days, so yes. I would say that I'm adequately well off." Was there a wrong answer?
"If we were able to transcribe your entire life, including the events of today, people might agree with you or argue that no, you're not fine. They might say something like 'Oh, that boy doesn't socialize enough which can lead to this effect or that effect'. Issei, if I were to ask how you looked to a colorblind person, and they told me that you had red hair, would they be a liar?"
Issei thought that over for a second and said, "No." People with deuteranomaly and protanomaly couldn't control whether or not they were able to differentiate between two different colors.
"But as science dictates, on the visible light spectrum that the human eye can see, your hair is brown. Perhaps different shades of brown, but definitely brown. You could call this an absolute truth, since it was discovered not invented. However, the colorblind person was being honest. He could not tell that your hair was brown, so he saw it as red.
"He told me the truth as he saw it. I don't think you're a liar because you told me you were fine Issei. I think you lie to yourself and tell me the truth as you see fit. Absolute truths are a rarity outside of math and science, Issei. That's why honesty is so valuable, because it accommodates for the lack of understanding between two people. If everyone was honest, then there would be no question on what the other person believed in, in theory. However, the only thing that allows for questions are people simply not speaking their mind."
Motohama started swinging again. "That's why courtesy bothers me so much. It's one of the main cultural mediums for dishonesty." Issei could maybe see where he was getting at, but not entirely.
"Courtesy?" Issei inquired.
"Issei, when someone asks you 'How are you?', what is the correct response to that?"
He pondered over that question. "Good. How about you?" Issei was starting to connect the pieces of the puzzle together.
"Indeed. It's a greeting out of courtesy that intends to start the conversation off 'right' or perhaps just start the conversation off in general. Something to break the tension, to break the ice. An ice-breaker if you will. Do they really want to know how you are doing? Perhaps, but more often than not, no they don't."
Motohama fell on the swing towards Issei as he kicked his legs back to get more momentum forward. "If a cashier asks a customer how they're doing and the customer starts listing off how bad their day was, the cashier proceeds to look at the customer weirdly. They weren't supposed to do that. The cashier awkwardly smiles and nods along, waiting for the customer to finish. It's quite ironic that the customer is in the wrong here, because the cashier quite literally was the one to start it off.
"Why ask if you don't want to know? Just that example phrase alone breaches integrity, simply for the fact that people are forced to lie out of courtesy. Or else it's out of order, not according to plan, different from the norm. It changes the conversation from the direction the person who started it steered it in. Not everything warrants a response, Issei; you seem to understand that more than anyone. But because the other person asked out of courtesy, you are obliged to respond out of courtesy as well. A lie for a lie is exchanged."
Issei's best friend skidded to a stop once more. "Courtesy is one of the primary breeds for insecurity, Issei. Because when no one tells someone that they are wrong out of the goodness of their heart, when someone else finally does, that person's heart is going to break. If someone leads another person on because they don't want to hurt their feelings, for some reason the victim ends up getting villainized when they get angry afterwards. But it's a two way street, both people are equally responsible for the fuck up that's their relationship. It's their fault for letting it fester for so long.
"Because of courtesy, people don't speak up their mind. And when they do, what comes out most of the time is a lie. Even the idea that you withhold your own thoughts because you consider the other person's feelings is a lie as well. Courtesy is not empathy; it's not even close. In fact, it is much more selfish in its usage than altruistic in its meaning. The only thing that is considered is the conversation.
"Continual usage of courtesy evolves into the avoidance of conflict to the point where it becomes pathetic and cowardly. Just the fact that one has to question every last word and action another person does for them is absurd. Are they doing this for a specific reason, or are they just being nice? It's not that they don't want to hurt the other person's feelings, it's that they don't want to be viewed as a bad person. 'It's rude, it's guttural.' They don't want the other person to leave, or at least they don't want to be hated. They don't want to be thought of differently, so they conform with the societal norm of courtesy.
"Issei, I'm not looking for people to agree with me. I don't give a fuck if they disagree with what I believe in. I just want them to consider what I have to say. To listen to what I'm actually saying, to understand. That's why you're my best friend, Issei. I'm not looking for a 'yes' man. I'm looking for someone who has his own beliefs and takes mine as what they are at their core value.
"Not because I'm their friend or classmate. Not because I'm a teenager and they are listening to my immature thoughts out of courtesy. Not because my name is Motohama. It's quite disgusting how anything you say can and will be judged for who you are as a person, what you look like, or how much money you have.
"It's inevitable, Issei. But because of the fact we can't truly and entirely get rid of prejudice, we ignore it since we don't consider it a problem and we avoid bringing up its cancerization.
"Issei if you're feeling depressed and I help you out, it's not out of courtesy. I don't give a fuck if it's the right thing to do or the wrong thing to do by societal standards. There are plenty other people that are depressed in the world that will continue as such.
"I don't help you out simply for the fact that you're feeling down. Your depression isn't what motivates me to offer my assistsnce. It's not out of pity, or sympathy, or specific concern that since you need someone that I am inclined to help. It's not the severity of the situation that makes me care. It's not the fact that you have a chance of dying that makes me feel obliged to save you. I help you out because you're Issei and that's all there is to it. I help you out because you are you. That's all there ever will be."
Issei smiled at his friend. "If I didn't want to be here, I would just leave, Motohama. If I didn't want to talk, I wouldn't talk to you, Motohmama." Issei said it as sincerely as he felt it.
His best friend smiled back at him. "That's all that I can ever ask for, Issei. You don't know how much telling me that really means to me." Motohama continued on the swing, and Issei just watched his friend have fun until the sun finally set.
Motohama was sitting at his desk, hearing his teacher talk about more boring things that he didn't want to learn about. He looked at the boy next to him, who was just staring at their teacher. He nudged Issei's shoulder. "If there's something on your mind, why don't you just ask sensei?" The situation was confusing. If Issei wanted to know something, why didn't he raise his hand to find the answer?
Issei looked back at him and said, "Because I'm interested, but I'm not that interested." Motohama laughed. It was such an 'Issei' response.
His best friend continued, "Primary school serves the purpose of making education intriguing and fun. Igniting the flame of knowledge so that children can learn that maybe education isn't so bad. Anything can serve to capture the attention of a child. School is just something considered productive enough that it is shoved on the child's to-do list by the adults in their life.
"Secondary school is simply a reminder that they are numbers on an applicant paper so you can get and make more paper, only this time the paper is special. It has extra fibers to it."
Motohama laughed again. Issei didn't even know how funny he really was. "School is whatever you make of it, Issei." Motohama's best friend didn't smile back at him. He frowned instead.
"That's not true. There is a roughly 50/50 split percentage of contribution by both teacher and student in every learning environment." Issei stared at their professor who was still droning on with his lecture. "Or at least, there should be. The marks you get can be due to a bad teacher's grading policies but for the most part, that responsibility falls on the shoulders of the students they're teaching. Teachers aren't required to make the course interesting, but it should come as no surprise that education will be boring if they make it boring."
Motohama grinned at him. "So, are you just blaming everything on the teachers then, Issei?" He joked along with his best friend. Issei didn't laugh at his words however, and continued to take the talk seriously.
"No. I know that I'm not a good student, both in participation-wise and performance-wise. If school is indeed what you make of it, then I've already made it boring."
The teacher finally started to notice the students talking. "Quiet in the back, Motohama-san." He didn't even notice Issei, or rather purposefully chose not to include his name.
Motohama gave the teacher his best troublemaker expression and smiled at him. "Hai, sensei. Gomenasai." he said unapologetically.
They continued their talk during lunch. Motohama bit on his sandwich while Issei and him laid on the grass. Soon, a boy with short hair walked up to them and asked "Can I sit here with you guys?" Motohama, knowing that Issei wouldn't care, thought 'why not?'.
"Sure." Motohama told the boy.
"Thank you, brother. I'm Matsuda" he said pointing to his chest. "What's your guys' name?"
Another boy was a rarity in Kuoh Academy. 'He must be new here.' Motohama mused. He decided not to extend his hand for a handshake. He was too comfortable laying on the grass.
"My name is Motohama." He went to talk for Issei as well. "And this guy over here is-"
"Issei." His best friend interrupted him. Motohama was semi-surprised. Issei didn't really talk to strangers.
"Oh, nice to meet you, Motohama and Issei-san." He then looked in the other direction, distracted. "Is that Akeno-senpai?" Matsuda's voice was ecstatic. "Talk to you later, Motohama. Gotta go!" He ran in the direction he was looking at.
Motohama looked at his best friend laying right beside him. "Just 'Issei'?" He noticed that Issei had only ever introduced himself as 'Issei' to everyone. He just hadn't realized its significance until now.
"Just 'Motohama'?" Issei retorted. Motohama laughed.
"Issei, you know I don't think about the things I do before I do them. Especially the things I say. You, on the other hand think about why criminals murder people."
Issei turned over to the side, away from Motohama. "Criminology and psychology is simply something that I read about when I can't sleep. It helps me cope with my existentialism. You're a bad liar by the way. You study genetics when it's not even required." Motohama was a lot smarter than he let on.
Motohama laughed, prepared to blow Issei out of the water with his next joke. "I only study genetics to see if I'm related to Misia-san."
Issei groaned. Misia was a popular pop-singer in Japan. She didn't even live in Kuoh, but Motohama was convinced that they were destined for marriage. All the stars had lined for them apparently.
Motohama turned serious once more after his joke had failed. "So…" Motohama looked at Issei's back since he couldn't see his face.
"A name is just a name, Motohama." Issei responded.
"Then why do you hate nicknames so much?" Issei absolutely despised it when someone called him something other than his name.
"Calling someone other than their name represents the qualities of that person that you see, unless it's ironic but even then, to utilize sarcasm you have to understand their personality. Or at least understand something they would seem like out of context. Something that other people could mistakenly describe the person. Some nicknames can show how close you are with the other person, some nicknames can show how much you value the other person.
"However, nicknames can also be condescending or patronizing. The word 'cute' is one of my personally most loathed adjectives and it's one of the main reasons why I hate nicknames in general. Cute is a similar word to adorable however it's connotation is much more fluctuant and unclear than the latter. It suggests that the things that are 'cute' are inferior to whatever the 'non-cute' standard is in whatever category. Whether that be appearance or maturity or anything else.
"Cute doesn't necessarily have to be used in bad faith. Most of the time it's actually meant to be a compliment. However, whatever is 'cute' is always held to a specific standard. If a baby animal is cute, the standard is all the regular animals. If a person is cute, then the standard is a 'grown' or 'more-developed' person. If an idea is cute, then the standard is a theoretically better idea. If something non-threatening is cute, then the standard is something threatening. No matter what context the word is used in, the person will always, in a sense, look down on the 'cute' thing because they need to in order to hold it to a standard.
"The word 'cute' is used interchangeably between all the different meanings of the word and the only one knowing what that particular standard is, belongs to the one who holds whatever is 'cute' to it. The 'cute' thing may have an inkling on what the person who called it that meant, but they will never truly understand the other person's meaning. By this, the word 'cute' is always patronizing in a sense, because it isn't a clear adjective.
"There are many other adjectives that are similarly unclear, which hold things to a standard, but the word 'cute' is a prime example of how they shouldn't function. Because while 'adorable' can only be used at it's denotation or in an ironic sense, 'cute' has long since strayed away from its original meaning and has morphed into something more bizarre. It's not even that the word has become cultural in its meaning, but rather simply condescending due to its dependence on the choice of usage by whoever says it."
Motohama looked at Issei. It made sense, but there were plenty of exceptions. "What about nicknames that are endearing?"
"I don't introduce myself as 'Issei' because it was written on my birth certificate or because it was what my mother named me. It's because it is what I would like to be called. If someone doesn't like their birth name, then they will ask other people to call them something different.
"However nicknames issued by other people, are something that the named person has to get used to unless they want to come off as rude or seem like an asshole. Nicknames hold a certain amount of power above the other person, because it wasn't issued by that person. Additionally, nicknames are a constant reminder that you aren't being taken seriously.
"It means that everything you say will be taken at a grain of salt, because you are that nickname to the other person. A name can hold a thousand words, but it can also mean absolutely nothing. Nicknames can get habitual after being used for so long, but the original meaning still stands. It shows how much you care about the other person, whether that be a lot, none at all, or anything in between.
"If you call your teacher by their first name, then you are showing your disobedience. If you yourself are called by a pet name, it expresses the other person's fondness for you. I'd rather have the other person's meaning be clear, instead of calling me a name because they can't express their feelings further than a single word or phrase. I don't need people to call me a nickname because it shows their endearing. I can live without that, Motohama."
Motohama laughed at Issei. "That sounds like my talk on honesty, Issei." Both boys thought of the moment they shared on the swings, not a few years ago. Issei smiled back.
"That's because it was reinforced by that idea. Before you told me that, I simply held onto my belief off the fact that everybody treated me like a child. I know that I was a child, and I still am. But nicknames served as a constant reminder of my immaturity. People kept suggesting that I am not prepared for 'the real world'. However, I think I got a good grasp of what the real world really is. I believe I have a decent enough understanding to make an adaquete, rough decision for the most part."
Motohama was curious. "What is the real world then, Issei?" Would his best friend say the workforce? The sex life? Marriage?
"The real world is simply growing up old enough to the point where you are able to tell people that are younger than you what isn't."
Motohama burst out into laughter, using his fingers to wipe the tears from his eyes. It was a truly a rare sight to see: Issei cracking a joke. He was usually the one dealt with humor but never really the one issuing it out. Issei laughed along with him.
Motohama and Issei were seated inside the school today. The cafeteria was populated with most of the popular students where they had their own individual lunch table to sit at. Motohama turned away from his leering at an attractive female to see Issei's expression. His best friend was looking directly at him.
"Issei, do you care about me being perverted?" Motohama had never asked this of his best friend before, and was kind of scared of what Issei thought about his inappropriateness.
"If I minded it, I would've told you, Motohama." Issei replied honestly.
Motohama laughed. "I don't know why I was worried then." Motohama only showed his perverted side after he had hit puberty. His teenage hormones didn't help a single bit to reduce the pheromones of the opposite gender reaching his nose. It was a recent development that Issei hadn't seen before. Or at least, not to this extent.
His best friend didn't seem to understand that Motohama was deep in thought. "I don't look down at you because you want to have intercourse, Motohama. My opinion on you hasn't decreased a single bit just because you choose to act immature part of the time. What you say won't decrease in value because of your anatomy making it so that you wish to get laid. It's only natural for you to feel attraction towards the opposite gender and have some sort of urges. You're at that age after all."
Motohama laughed. It was refreshing to hear Issei reinforce the idea of honesty. But he still didn't understand. "Sex is a great thing, Issei. Or at least, it probably is if porn and other peoples' words are anything to go off of. I can only imagine how it would feel to have my face squished in oppai. But that's not the point." Motohama cleared his throat, ready to explain to Issei one of his driving perspectives.
"Issei, what's your thoughts on love?" Did his best friend even believe in love? Motohama couldn't imagine Issei being in love. He was too grounded for that. Too prudish, too rigid, too brooding.
"Love is something I can't fathom, Motohama. If you're talking about neurology, then it's an emotion humans feel which is located at the temporal lobe in the brain. But I don't think that is exactly what you're talking about here, is it?"
Motohama laughed. "No Issei, it's not." He turned to look at the back of the girl, who was now waiting in the lunch line. "Issei, love is something special. Love as a verb can vary in degree, but love as an idea is something that is a bit more nuanced than just strong, tender affection.
"I am a family man, Issei. When I see a woman, I don't think of a potential girlfriend. That's way too short term. I think of a future spouse, a wife. When I see a girl, I think of the idea that maybe I won't die a virgin. But that's only because I'm young. There will be clear and concise communication that I'm not looking for a relationship and if the girl isn't okay with that, she can back out at any time or say 'no'."
Motohama took his eyes off the girl's back and looked at his best friend. "Issei, do you love your parents?"
Issei looked up to the ceiling, deep in thought. He turned back to Motohama and responded. "I think so. I've said I've loved them all my life, but now that you bring up the topic of love, I'm second guessing if I've been using the right term."
"There are eight different types of love, Issei. Philia, Pragma, Storge, Eros, Ludus, Mania, Philautia, and Agape. Love is something that has many different forms. What you are describing is Philia, which is the love of affection that is completely and utterly platonic. This is usually common in friends and family. I believe you do in fact, love your mom and dad. That's the feelings that I'm trying to get at here.
"You won't know what love is until you truly feel it. In every first major relationship, you believe that you are in love with that person. But it's only until you settle down that you truly understand that the 'love' you felt for your first partner wasn't love at all. It was simple affection.
"I want to experience that love, Issei. I want to settle down, Issei. I want a beautiful wife and maybe a couple of kids. Hopefully they are boys, Lord forbid I have a daughter with a father like me. I-" Motohama was interrupted by the same boy from last week coming to sit at their table. His name was Matsuda, Issei believed. Or at least, something along those lines.
"Hey guys, what's up?" Welp, there goes any chance for any future conversation between Motohama and Issei. "Did I intrude or something?" Matsuda looked between Motohama and Issei's faces. "I can leave if you want. I didn't want to ruin the moment."
Motohama gave Matsuda an infectious smile. "No, you're fine. Issei and I were just getting finished." Matsuda smiled back, unknowing about the fact that he did actually intrude. Motohama didn't seem like he was doing it out of courtesy, though. If he minded, then he would've spoken up.
"So, what do you guys think about Akeno-senpai?" The short haired boy asked. What a horrible way to start off a conversation.
Motohama gave Matsuda a sly grin. "Well, speaking of Akeno-senpai…" Issei cut out their voices in his head.
Over the course of the rest of the year, Motohama and Matsuda led the conversations throughout the day. Issei didn't really mind too much, but he did miss the intimacy of Motohama and Issei's private talks. That's why they went to go hang out sometimes without the presence of Matsuda. Issei started to grow a bit distant from his friends. Not neccessarily cold per say, just numb.
Matsuda soon figured out that Issei didn't really converse much outside of Motohama, and even then he started talking less. He still walked wherever they walked, stayed whenever they stayed after school, and worked on group assignments with them, but he always seemed a bit off. He was determined to figure out what the problem was, but failed in his discovery.
He was still friends with Motohama and they clearly got along well. However, Matsuda always wanted to find out a little more about Issei. He was way too rigid around Matsuda and he could only hope that he would slowly start to warm up to him.
The school year proceeded to end and all contact had disappeared between Issei and Matsuda. Motohama hung out with Matsuda alone throughout the summer, and they had a really fun time spending money at pop concerts. Fortunately, the summer didn't feel long and the next school year started quickly.
The first day of school was pretty exciting, being able to see both of his friends at once and all the girls that weren't his friends. The hype slowly died down as it became quickly apparent that it wasn't as special as Matsuda had hoped. Issei had started to talk to him more, something that Matsuda was really happy about. Motohama and Issei were friends that would last after secondary school and beyond university, he hoped. They were keepers for sure.
Unfortunately, even that came to an end shortly after. Motohama was missing for a day, and Matsuda was freaking out. Motohama had been sick before and had stayed home multiple times, but Matsuda got an eerie feeling about this time. He turned in his bed and got up to message Issei when it was clear that he wasn't going to be able to sleep. Anxiety filled his dreams as he passed out of drowsiness. He couldn't stay awake any longer, his body was too used to a regular sleep schedule.
Getting a text back from Issei was the best waking up present that Matsuda had ever gotten. He might've carried a bit too carried away and gotten a little overboard with his excitement, but Issei simply never messaged him back. Ecstatic, Matsuda checked their chat and saw Issei's response. He had mixed feelings, Motohama was apparently going to another school, but at least he was still alive so that was a silver lining.
Issei was going to explain everything to Matsuda afterschool today. Mototama was always a smart man, Matsuda thought. He had to have a reason to switch schools. Perhaps a reason that Matsuda couldn't understand. He hoped Issei would be able to dumb it down for him.
Class felt so long as Matsuda couldn't stop thinking about Motohama and Issei. He didn't share any periods today with Issei, and Motohama was obviously absent so he couldn't pass the time with fun. He kept checking his wrist watch for the small hand of the clock to hit the '4' place on the white circle.
Constantly looking at his watch, Matsuda heard the bell sound before he realized that it was the end of the day. Waiting in the courtyard for Issei to arrive, Matsuda impatiently tapped his foot against the concrete ground. Ten minutes turned into thirty which turned into an hour. Where the hell was Issei?
Matsuda decided to go to the school's bike rack to drive home. He bent down to unlock his bike lock and put it in his backpack. Raising his leg to put it on the other side of the bike, Matsuda sat down on the seat and pedalled home. It was raining, and Matsuda's hair and clothes soaked wet. That probably included his homework as well. Shit. Matsuda was really regretting not bringing his bike helmet along today. It looked like a beautiful day in the morning, but God just had to prove him wrong.
Coming under the roof of his house, Matsuda took his shoes off and laid them outside for them to dry. He took off all his clothes but his underwear and started wrying them like a towel. They would have to be hung outside to dry soon as well. Matsuda went inside and walked to the shower in his room. As the water blasted on his back, Matsuda still couldn't stop thinking about Motohama and Issei.
As he dressed in his pajamas, Matsuda went to go check his phone to see if Issei had said anything. It was unlikely, but Matsuda still checked out of curiosity. A new message had been sent. It was an address and a date. Sunday, this week.
Matsuda's eyes widened and immediately started to text back. He sent messages one by one out of hurriedness. 'Wait.' 'this' 'is'. He saw Issei message him back before he could continue.
'I know. I'm sorry... Invite anyone you want, the cost will be covered by Motohama's mom.' Matsuda's breath got stuck in his throat. It...it was... The address was a cemetery. Since Kuoh was a small town, there was only one of its kind. Motohama had passed away. It was a funeral.
Matsuda collapsed on the bed, crying himself to sleep. For the rest of the week, Issei didn't attend school, but Matsuda barely managed to come to class. Everything was numb, and Matsuda saw that he did the assignments but he didn't feel his pencil move in his hand. He got multiple questions asked by teachers, but he just ignored them and silently walked off.
He didn't notify his mom or dad about the funeral. They had never met Motohama or Issei before. He opened his wallet to find his allowance. Walking to the store and renting out a suit, Matsuda hung it on the door of his room. His outfit was ready for Sunday, but his mind wasn't.
Sunday finally came, and Matsuda told his parents that he would be out today. They didn't mind.
The funeral service was small. There was only Issei's mom, Motohama's mother, and Issei there with him. There were also two other girls, a woman with a hat that covered her face. She had crimson hair that reminded Matsuda of Rias-senpai. The other girl was a short one, with blond hair and a black blindfold covering her eyes. Both girls were wearing black skirts with black jackets over a black shirt. Funeral attire.
The priest had been talking for a long time, but Matsuda couldn't hear what he was saying over the loud rain. Either that, or it wasn't registering in his eardrums. He could not bring himself to cry anymore for some reason. Matsuda supposed Motohama's death hadn't kicked in yet.
Issei walked up to the center to talk. He said something that Matsuda wasn't listening to. "How did he die?" Matsuda demanded Issei to answer.
Issei stared back at him with a serene look on his face. "Bravely."
Matsuda widened his eyes. The answer said both everything and nothing at the same time. The name Issei meant 'all at once'. But in this moment, Matsuda could only look at Motohama's best friend and just think 'nothing at all'.
It was time for them to say their final goodbyes and Matsuda approached the casket first. His mouth felt dry as he wanted to say something, but he couldn't with Motohama looking like that. He looked so happy, even in death. Matsuda just felt Motohama's cold hand in his. It was colder than the rain. Matsuda felt himself tear up and let Motohama's hand go, walking away.
The funeral director lowered the casket to the ground, and Matsuda watched it slowly be obscured by the dirt of the ground. It was depressing.
The funeral workers had left, with only the attendees remaining. Matsuda walked up to Issei and patted his shoulder. "I know you're blaming yourself right now, Issei. Hell, I'm blaming myself too. But just…" Matsuda was silent as he didn't know what to say. "I'll think I'll take Motohama up on moving to a different school. I don't know what my parents will say, but I'll make them understand."
He turned around and heard Issei's soft voice come from behind him. "Farewell, Matsuda. I'm sorry. I'll...miss you." Matsuda's eyes widened as he heard the honesty in Issei's voice. He turned around quickly and ran into Issei's chest, embracing him in a deep hug.
He had to tell himself to stop, and wrenched his body off of Issei's. Turning around once more, he waved behind him as he walked back home. He didn't bring his bike today. It just didn't feel right.
Issei watched as his friend left. They might have been more than just acquaintances if Issei had spent more time around him. But it was too late now. He turned around, seeing the absence of Motohama's mom as well. He looked around to see if he could find her car, but it was missing as well.
He sighed. He turned to face Rias, Asia, and his mom. Rias' head was down, and the wind blew off her hat, exposing her face. There weren't any tears on it, but it was obvious she was sad. He looked at his mother and started to apologize.
"I'm sorry Okaa-san." Issei's mother still managed to have a smile on her face even while tears were dripping down her cheeks.
"Don't worry about it Issei. I'm not the person you should be apologizing to. No one is. I just want you to be happy, Issei." She looked over to Rias' figure and said, "I'm proud that you found yourself a woman, Issei." Rias was silent and Issei couldn't bring himself to correct his mother. She opened her arms in a welcoming gesture and told Issei, "Come here."
Issei obeyed and embraced his mother. She was shorter than him, but Issei had his crying head deep in her shoulder, wetting her black coat. She rubbed his back with one hand and massaged his scalp in the other. "Issei, it's time for you to be on your own. My use as your mother is all but gone. You need to find your own way from now on, Issei. You no longer need me." She raised his head off her shoulder and kissed his forehead.
"Drop out of school if you need to, Issei. Do whatever you want. I still love you. I will always continue to love you and nothing will change that. I don't want to see you come back to me unless you have felt fulfillment. Goodbye, Issei." Issei's mother turned her heel and started walking to her car. Hearing the car engine rev up, Issei watched his mother leave him, Rias, and Asia.
"Rias. Tell me why you didn't save Motohama." Issei practically begged her. He needed to know this much.
Rias' blue eyes met Issei's chestnuts. They were still as beautiful as ever. "The Kuoh Academy and the Kuoh district is under my jurisdiction. My brother had bestowed this responsibility to me as the daughter of the house of Gremory. My purpose is to increase the devil population and to make sure that everything is under control.
"This includes eliminating any stray devils, fallen angels, angels, and exorcists. I admit, I haven't done a good job in any of that. There are a vast number of people under my watch, but I haven't saved a good number of them. I want to care for your friend, I really do. It burns me not being able to muster up a tear when you're out here crying your heart out. The reason why I didn't save your friend was because... he wasn't you."
Issei's eyes widened. Because Motohama wasn't him? "You didn't even know me. No matter how much you stalked me, I don't think you would've found out that much about me."
Rias turned her face down again. "I was convinced that you were an ordinary person, Issei. I didn't think you would have any problems with serving me. You seemed so dissatisfied with life, Issei. I'm a selfish woman Issei, I won't lie. I was going to... use you."
Issei stared at Rias. She continued quickly. "I never intended to force you to do anything. I just thought that we could have a mutually beneficial relationship. I could make your dreams come true and in return you would fight for me."
"Fight against what?" Issei hadn't been into any combat under Rias' peerage. He had that one squirmish with Freed, but that wasn't something that Rias had told him to do. It was something he did for himself.
Rias was silent. It didn't matter to Issei, though. The identity of the enemy was something that Rias couldn't order him to fight against. He would figure that out for himself, not because Rias ordered him to fight against a face and a name.
"Do you blame me, Issei?" Rias asked him. She was still wondering about that shit?
"No, Rias. My answer won't change knowing that there was a chance he could've been saved." Issei turned around and sat on the ground, the grass wetting the bottom of his pants. "Rias, do you know that Motohama lived because of me?"
It sounded contradictory to Rias. "I don't understand."
Issei tried his best to explain. "Motohama died because of me, but he was also kept alive because of me. Simply for the fact that he could be used against me. Because of me, Motohama had to suffer a painful death. He didn't wish to live anymore. Bringing him back to life would've been the cruelest punishment ever. More selfish than anything you could possibly imagine. More selfish than anything you could ever do. I just didn't want Motohama to suffer a painful life as well."
Asia sat next to Issei, and started holding onto him. Issei smiled at Asia. "I won't blame you or anyone else for Motohama's death, Rias. You weren't the ones that whipped him while he was bruised, demanding that Asia heal him so he would be whipped again. You weren't the one that beat him and shoved him into a locker simply because he was in the way. There are many people indirectly responsible for Motohama's death, Rias.
"I'm not an exception to that. I might've not been the person who whipped him, but he got whipped because of me. But I won't blame myself for his death. If I ever find who had ordered Raynare or Kalawarner to kill me, I won't blame him either. If I kill him, I will kill him out of my own reasons, Rias. Not for revenge."
Asia clutched onto his arm, not liking that Issei had admitted he was considering murdering someone. "Motohama didn't die so I can wallow in guilt, Rias. His death served the purpose of lifting the weight off my chest, Rias. I'm not going to let his death be in vain."
Issei looked at the sky as the rain continued to pour down on him.
'When one door closes, another one opens, but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us.' Issei repeated in his head. Alexander Graham Bell. Motohama's favorite inventor.
The number of closed doors far outnumbered the few that had been opened, but it didn't matter. Issei could see a light at the end of the tunnel.
He had invented a way for Issei to continue to move forward.
A/N: Hopefully this gives you a little more insight on Issei, Motohama, and Matsuda's backstories.
I think some of you guys might've misunderstood my meaning when I was talking about Motohama's last name, or rather birth name as one of you pointed out. I forgot about that, thank you for reminding me. I chose to make the name of his character and any similar characters as true to canon as possible.
Because when I introduce a different take on a character, it automatically gives off that 'fanfic' type of energy. I want to make it very obvious when an OC is an OC. It will be extremely clear, and you'll know it if you see it. When you see it actually, in the case of Umastryx. Motohama wasn't an OC. I've been treating this story as a story and will continue to do so, not a fanfic, but there will be times where the lines will be a bit blurry.
Matsuda will not be in the story for a long time, and he might be permanently gone. I'm not sure yet. Issei's mother however, that's a different story. I have a clear path of what I want to do with her character, but as of right now, she will be gone too.
The next chapter will start with a very brief recap on the events that happened in this chapter. This was to set a precedent that this story may take many dark turns. However, that isn't going to be the focus of the story.
Anyways, until the next chapter is published, have a good night.
