The burning ache in his chest is a constant. Now that he can use his flames it's less painful, but it is always present. Fon sometimes wonders if it is directly related to the emotions he locked so deeply inside himself. Other times, he thinks if he ever pulled at that knot of loss-anger-pain-guilt-frustration-helplessness he would burn the world to ashes. Since he cannot allow that, he just draws those feelings tighter and tighter; pushes them deeper and deeper. He focuses on Mei and martial arts and cooking.
Having mastered 79 martial arts styles, Fon had long experimented with combining them to better suit his own body type and fighting style. Incorporating food had been an accident and was completely not his fault. He had been using a large amount of ground garlic as he cooked and was alone, because the others couldn't handle the amount of spice he preferred. Being ambushed was extremely unexpected (people didn't do that very often anymore) and he had thrown what he was holding at his attacker. The way the man went limp was a shock.
Several weeks of (very delicious) experimentation resulted in a move Fon decided to call Gyoza-kempo. It was the food that worked best, and no one would expect that to be a terrifyingly effective martial arts move. The end result almost made it look like he was psychic. The garlic disrupted voluntary muscle control in his opponent and their body would move to his command. Mei fell over laughing when it backfired on him while he was figuring it out. It was worth it. Her laugh was the greatest thing in existence.
He didn't hear it often, and almost never when they were within the walls of the Wo Hop To Triad's compound. Whenever he could, Fon got permission to tag along on Mei's missions. He argued that a young girl alone was more suspicious than a young girl accompanied by her older brother. It was true. It helped that the Triad also tended to be rather misogynistic, in some ways. There were no women in the leadership and they were discouraged from taking roles that took them out of the compound. Mei was the exception: she was simply too talented to keep away from a fight.
She was also a force of nature when angered or if someone was infringing on her time or space. It was annoying that Mei did not get the same respect that the boys her age got, but sometimes it worked in her favor. And by her favor, Fon meant that it kept her out of some of the things he faced. The Triads had an odd aversion to directly hurting a woman. The first few occasions that Mei committed a severe infraction, she had been locked up without food for a few days. It did nothing to quell her spirit. After that, they brought in Fon and whipped him. Mei learned from that, but not the lesson their masters had intended. She learned to hide her anger, to be subtle in her rebellion.
Fon thoroughly approved of Mei's new methods. To the rest of the Triad, Mei had become a prim and proper young lady. Mei was the textbook example of manners, but there would always be something off about her. She became a little too perfect. Eerie in her adherence to proper behavior, nothing could crack her composure. Even in the middle of an assassination she was proper and obedient. It gave the impression that she was acting out a script. The Triad members became jumpy and uncomfortable around her. It was hilarious.
She had been trying to copy Fon's mannerisms and self-control. It worked for Fon by making him seem air-headed and a bit dull. Mei was too sharp, too threatening, for it to be believable. Everyone thought she was plotting something and became more paranoid the longer she behaved. Even people who had just met her were wary of her. As a result, Mei and Fon got sent on more missions, to get her away from the compound.
It is on one of these missions that Fon fights another Flame-user for the first time. A few of his Flame teachers had Flames but he had never fought them, only sparred. There was a world of difference between sparring and fighting. The man was a Lightning from another Triad and was a bodyguard for their target. Mei had gone after the target, who had tried to escape. The Lightning wasn't as skilled as Fon, but he had the height and weight advantage. Fon's speed more than made up for it, but the Lightning had a shell of Flames preventing damage. Unleashing his own Flames startled the other man, but the shell held. It seems to be a question of stamina. Fon can fight for nearly an hour with his Flames, and there's no telling how long his opponent will last. He has a sudden and shocking realization.
Fon could die here.
The man is fully grown, and so has the advantage in size and stamina. Fon may not win. He could be beaten to death, or have his neck snapped. And wouldn't that be ironic? Mei is his first concern. But she can take care of herself, she doesn't need him the way she had as a child. He doesn't want to make her sad but he was going to die at some point. Sifu might be sad, but he has a family of his own – a child of his own – to worry about.
Fon could die and the world would keep turning. The world didn't stop before, for a teenager with cancer and his life cut short. It won't stop for a teenager with a body count too high to keep track of. Maybe it would be better to die? One less murderer in the world, and it's not like he's irreplaceable. He had been a background character in that manga his other sister used to read with him before. Memories of that story are faded, but Fon is sure that he dies at some point in it. What's a few decades early?
But does he want to die? It would be so easy. Stop fighting, and let his Flames fade. He would never have to fight or kill or starve or hurt again. Just let go and let others take over. It would be so easy. But he doesn't want easy. If he wanted things to be easy, he would not have learned to fight. Learned to burn out poisons. Learned to cook and experiment and speak other languages. They had taught him, but he had gone above and beyond because he wanted to know and learn and explore.
Fon wants to live.
With that realization, his Flames explode and burn and consume more fiercely than ever before. It wasn't been about stamina, it was about Will. The man's Lightning doesn't stand a chance. Fon burns through the shell of Lightning flames like it's air, like it's fuel for his Storm. His opponent tries to fight, but Fon is fast as wind and much more skilled. The man's body is disintegrated till not even ashes remain.
Fon is seventeen years old. He has master 84 styles of martial arts, and is incorporating a dozen others. He is developing his own style. He enjoys cooking and learning new things and messing with his Triad. He loves his sister. He wants to live. Not because of some vague memories of a story from before. Not out of some condescending desire to protect his sister. Not out of fear of the in-between he cannot remember. He wants to live for himself.
