Fields Of Jasmine

Chapter 15 ~ There's An Endless Road To Rediscover

Whose place was it to judge someone who had acted out of despair?

Whose task was it to decide who earned forgiveness and who not?

Whose life was it standing at the edge of the cliff?

It was Sam's.

Sam had been desperate. He was the one deciding for the both of them, that he didn't deserve forgiveness. It was the omega who would be damned to die, because no one out there would know him well enough to care, if he'd leave.

It had taken an agonizing long amount of time for Dean Winchester to get his shit together and make his legs move.

Well, at least as long, until he heard the front door creak when it opened. The sound. The knowledge of Sam leaving, forced his body to unfreeze and allowed his mind to come out of its catatonic state.

It didn't take him more than a couple of long strides to get right in front of Sam on the porch and hinder him leaving the house.

It wasn't Sam's fault.

It wasn't.

And it would never be.

SAM was the victim here, not Dean. Not Bobby. SAM. Sam had been the one raped and knocked up by some creature after losing his memory due to an iffy surgery. Okay, Sam might have let them do it willingly. He might even have wanted it. But this Samuel T. Harvelle right here? HE had no clue.

He had been reborn one and a half years ago. He had been kidnapped by some shit-crazy demon-possessed monsters. The omega couldn't know, could he? He was innocent.

He wasn't Cooper.

"Wait." Dean gripped him by the shoulders and blocked his way, when Sam tried to bypass him. "You … you can't leave, Sammy."

Sure the ex-hunter was still angry. But not at Sam. Not because he hadn't told them. The omega hadn't known better. How could he? How'd he react if he was in Sam's place?

Not able to trust anyone but himself? Fear, that if anyone knew, that he'd be killed or worse?

Sam tried to twist out of Dean's grasp, but the ex-hunter held on tight. "I'm sorry, Sam," he said calmly, though a hint of urge in his voice. "I'm sorry I yelled at you. I didn't mean it."

Dean tried to catch the Omega's gaze, but he wouldn't look back at him.

"You didn't have another choice." He pinched the bridge of his nose. "I wouldn't have told someone like me either. Okay? It's not your fault this happened - This whole situation ain't your fault." Dean's hands found the omega's face and he framed it. "Look at me." He forced Sam to look. To really look him in the eyes. "I mean it. It's not your fault. We will figure this out. The whole thing." He underlined his words with a demanding stare. "From now on no more secrets, okay?"

Sam just stared at him, another tear rolling down his face. He looked incredibly pale in the dim light of the setting sun. Lines of worry and emotional agony covered his face.

"I think I'm going to be sick," he mumbled. A moment later he turned out of the alpha's grip and threw his upper body over the banister, emptying his stomach into the bushes below.

Dean was right beside him a split second later, laying one hand gently on his omega's back, the other one on his chest, preventing him from making a dive down the porch.

The alpha wouldn't say a word.

Sam dry-heaved a couple more times, before the retching subsided and left him coughing and gasping for air. He felt Dean's hands on him. One on his back and one covering his chest, supporting him.

A tear dropped from his nose and before he even thought about asking for a handkerchief, there was a fabric-clad hand wiping over his eyes and mouth, wiping away saliva and tears.

"C'mon, kiddo," Dean said calmly, "Let's get you back inside."

The alpha sounded a bit sad, Sam thought. Though his scent … it smelled like he wasn't sad. Rather … embarrassed? Ashamed maybe?

He let Dean gather him in his arms and hold him for a while. Sam buried his face in the ex-hunter's shoulder. He didn't back away. He felt Dean's warm breath in his neck and rough stubble brushing over the sensitive skin right behind his ear.

"I'm not mad, Sammy," Dean whispered, his lips so close to the omega's ear. "I can't be mad at you." He placed a tender kiss right there. "It's not your fault - You did what you thought you had to."

He tightened his embrace for a millisecond before he let him go again and made a step back, though keeping one hand on the omega's shoulder.

Sam looked at him with red eyes and sniffed. The muscles in his nose and cheek twitched as he did so.

The alpha had to smile. Sam might look like a kicked puppy, but he sure as hell was the cutest kicked puppy he'd ever seen. Not that he had ever kicked a dog in his entire life.

"What do you think about hot chocolate?" His hand slid down to Sam's side and came to a rest at the small of his back, guiding him back inside.

Sam wouldn't say a word. He felt miserable. So miserable. For all of it. Everything was his fault. Hell, if the entire world would be burning down, it'd be his fault somehow. There sure was a way to proof that. The omega felt as if … As if he stood for all the bad things which were happening in this world.

His track of thoughts stopped abruptly, when he found himself being pushed down onto a kitchen chair. Sam's gaze flickered up and he watched the ex-hunter's backside as he moved over to the fridge.

"Why?" Sam asked softly.

"Why what?",Dean asked back.

"Why'd you keep me? Why'd you deal with my crap? You and Bobby … why would you want to protect me … help me?" His voice grew softer with each spoken word.

The alpha huffed out a breath. So why would he care? Because he freaking LOVED that guy over there at the table. Because he had never felt someone under his skin like this. Even when he was only sitting there, or watching TV, or reading a book. Each single crease on his face, each movement and every movement he wouldn't make would make the alpha all tingly. "Because I do. Because I care." He put the mug into the microwave.
"Because we're mates?" Sam asked. It wasn't like it was something bad for sure. But then again … how could something like that be legit? Sure, he felt the pull towards the Winchester too. He felt so many things whenever he'd look at him.

Dean thrummed his fingers on the counter, waiting impatiently for the ping of the microwave. He chewed his cheeks and licked over his bottom lip, before he turned around to face Sam, who was now looking at the ground.

He watched the younger man calmly, opening his mouth and closing it again. The alpha made a sound much between a growl and an annoyed groan then.

"You know ..." He pushed away from the counter and sauntered over to Sam. When he stood right before him, he kneeled down, nudged his knees apart and squeezed himself between them. Ever so gently, he framed the omega's face with his hands and made him look up. "... Being mates – That's just a part of what we are," he spoke gently. "Being mates doesn't mean that I have to like you. Or that I'm supposed to protect you. It only means that we – somehow – belong. And it doesn't have to mean anything. But you know what it means to me to be with you?"

He rose both eyebrows, locking his eyes with Sam's. "It means everything. I like to be around you. I like to take care of you. You're my other half, okay? You're what I didn't even know that I've been missing." He smiled at the shudder which coursed through Sam's frame. "You are mine, Sammy. I WANT you to be mine. Mine alone. And I know I can't force you to love me back. I know that … that if you don't like me that way, I will have to let you go some day. But not now. Not until I know that you're safe."

Sam felt new tears gathering in his eyes. His bottom-lip quivered with unspoken emotions. The omega choked back a sob and sniffed.

"I promise you that I will let you go as soon as I know you safe." Dean emphasized the words huskily.

The very next moment, Sam was all over him. Long octopus-like arms wrapped around the ex-hunter's neck, squeezing the living shit out of him. Hot tears against his skin and neck and the strong scent of Jasmine flooding the kitchen as the sound of the microwave being done was heard.

Dean wrapped Sam into a tight embrace and breathed out in relief.

"I don't want you to let me go," Sam murmured into the ex-hunter's neck. "I want to be with you … but … what if …"

"There are no If's, Sammy," Dean reassured him. "We'll get that thing out of you and we'll get to the bottom of all this. We'll take care of you. All of us." He rubbed up and down the omega's back. "No matter what happens, I'll stay with you," he whispered into the omega's skin.

"You'll be okay."

Sam sobbed. He pulled back a little, searching the hunter's face with his look for a few seconds, before he – ever so tentatively – caught those pouty lips with his own. He laid all his emotions into the kiss, showing Dean without words what he couldn't say, but what he wanted the alpha to know.

Rather surprised, Dean froze for a moment, but returned the kiss nonetheless.

When they parted, the both of them were slightly breathless. Sam sniffed once more before he offered a small shy smile.

"That's the Sam I like." Dean grinned cockily at him and wiggled his eyebrow.

Sam chuckled and blushed. "How are we ..." He wouldn't want to say it out loud, nor talk about it in general, but he needed to know.

"... What we'll do to get rid of that thing?" Dean continued for him and the omega nodded.

"Well. First we'll get this hot chocolate into you. THEN, you're taking a shower and I'll call Bobby and tell him about Orthos … and … you know … and then we'll kiss some more."

The omega chuckled again and looked aside. Sure he liked kissing with Dean. It was all soft and heated. It was sweet and … just perfect. He thought about those dreams he had about the older man and the way it felt.

"Sounds like a plan," Sam said.

"Good." When he rose, he planted a soft kiss to the omega's forehead and limped back to the microwave from which he got the mug for Sam.

Dean made himself a strong coffee with a shot of bourbon.

They drank in comfortable silence and moved over the couch in the living room, where Sam snuggled up against the alpha. Dean had his arm around the omega's shoulders and held him close, drawing circles into the man's shirt with his thump.

"I like that," Sam murmured. "Being with you like that ..."

Dean hummed low. "Me too, kiddo," he approved contently, letting his senses bathe in the omega's sweet scent.

Sam shifted and let his eyes flutter closed. One of his hands was nestled in the small space between the couch, Dean and himself, while his other one rested on the Alpha's denim-clad thigh. "I'd like to …" he spoke hesitantly and chewed on his bottom-lip.

The older man was waiting for him to continue, not breaking the silence which followed.

"To … kiss you?"

Dean couldn't help but grin at the shy request, and only when he felt the omega's eyes on him, he'd open his and cast his look down. "Me too," he said huskily, as he started to shift and get into a proper position.

Sam squirmed under the ex-hunter's affectionate gaze and was about to blush and reconsider what he had just said, when he felt a hand on his scarred cheek and himself shifted, so that Dean was right against him, urging him to lean back against the backrest of the couch.

Dean leaned up against him and curled his free arm around Sam's shoulders, so that he was leaning against the backrest of the couch and inched closer, their lips nearly touching.

"Good?" he asked, waiting for the omega's permission, that he wasn't crowding him in any way. Well, he was already crowding him, but he wanted Sam to feel okay with it.

Sam nodded hastily and swallowed thickly, when the man's lips first brushed over his, sending a tingling sensation through his whole body, which definitely gathered in his lower belly and let a comfortable warmth spread into his very private parts.

The omega laid his hands – ever so lightly – on the ex-hunter's waist, when Dean leaned in further and sunk his tongue into his mouth with less to no resistance. He felt the younger man kiss back rather insecure and a bit hesitant, but as soon as the omega tasted – really tasted – what Dean tasted like, he became bolder and way less nervous about what was happening.

Sam's arms came around Dean's middle and palmed the lower of his back, making him come closer. Dean went with it willingly, while one hand still rested on Sam's cheek and moved his other one for more leverage and so that he wouldn't crush the younger man with his weight.

They parted for a very short amount of time, both breathing heavily.

"This okay?" Dean breathed against the omega's damp lips.

"Yeah," he whispered and maneuvered himself so that he could easily lie down and take Dean with him.

The very next moment, they were kissing again, Dean on top of his omega, their chests flush against each other's. Sam arched up with his hips, as his hands came up in between the older man's shoulder-blades and made him give in, taking more of his weight.

Dean moaned into the kiss, as he felt a hardness press against his own through layers of fabric. "Sammy," he whispered, heavily panting, when he pulled back to take in the omega, searching his face intently. His fingertips fluttered over Sam's cheek, not tracing the scar. He touched it, as if it wasn't even there, not paying any attention to it.

The omega would've turned away, not wanting the alpha to touch it, to see it, if it wasn't for Dean whispering a gentle: "You're so beautiful." He swallowed thickly and closed his eyes for a moment, willing his urge to claim the omega down. "You have no idea, baby boy."

"Don't," Sam choked out. The sudden need to get away and out from the alpha's attention was overwhelming. His hands slid from Dean's back and came in-between their bodies.

"Don't push me away. Don't do this," he whispered, breaking the omega's resistance. "I don't care, Sam, okay? And if you'd had two heads and a tail … I couldn't care less. I want you to be mine, no matter what." Now he looked at the scar and traced it with his thump. "It doesn't make you look ugly. It makes you interesting."

The omega swallowed – hard. How could he know how he was feeling about it? About all of it? Then again – if he was true with himself – he knew, because he could feel whatever was going down in the alpha's head too.

What made him feel ashamed all over again.

"Sammy. Look at me."

The omega did.

Dean was smiling down at him tenderly, moving his thumb over Sam's lower lip and back up to his scalp, where he brushed a strand of hair back.

The lines on Sam's face tightened and he frowned, a hint of discomfort edging his features. And just when Dean wanted to ask what it was, he felt it.

Right against his belly, through Sam's shirt and his own. IT was moving inside of Sam.

The omega whimpered.

"We've got a plan, baby. Okay? Don't worry. We're preparing everything for a surgery. We'll have a professional for it. Everything'll be set up by the end of the week and then we'll get it out of you, okay?" He carded his fingers through Sam's thick hair as he gave him a reassuring look.

"What if ..." Sam couldn't finish the sentence.

"There are no if's- It'll work. Trust me." Dean wasn't sure if it would be that easy, but he'd be damned if he put even more weight and worries onto the man's shoulders right now. He had been through enough. He was going through enough.

"I trust you," Sam whispered. "I really do."

A grin formed on the ex-hunter's lips. "Good - So … why don't you take your shower now and I'll go talk to Bobby about Orthos? I'll be back before you're done, huh?"

Sam nodded, a deep blush on his cheeks, when Dean crawled off of him and straightened his clothes out.

~ 67' Chevrolet Impala ~

Sam went to get his shower as soon as Dean had left the house. He was gathering fresh clothes and towels and put them into the sink, before he got undressed. The omega was eyeing himself in the mirror. The scar on his face, mostly. He then stepped back and turned around, taking in the deep healed up claw-marks on his shoulders down to his shoulder-blades.

He sighed deeply and closed his eyes for a moment, trying to forget about feeling so miserable and useless. Somehow, deep down he knew, that this couldn't be everything. What had he been before? Where had he been working and where was he from?

Okay, he already read where he was from, but how could he possibly disappear after his parent's deaths? Just like that? Had he been a gangster? A drug-dealer? Or something much worse? A killer?

How could it be, that there were no records about him anywhere?

He sighed again and shook his head, before he decided to shove this part of his life aside. Maybe it was a good thing he didn't remember – with everything that was going on.

Sam turned the warm water on and stepped into the shower-stall, letting the hot water run over his cool skin. He moaned comfortably, when the first drops of water hit his aching back and neck and finally head.

Sometimes he had the feeling – under special occasions – that he had to remember things. Just like now. The feeling of the hot water against his skin and the need to not stand there too long and hurry up with it. He didn't know why, he was supposed to not let the water run for a ridiculous amount of time, he just knew he had to make it quick, or else it'd get uncomfortable for him. Even when he couldn't possibly tell what and why.

So he soaped his hair and body and turned the water-temperature up another nudge, before he rinsed off.

When he came out of the bathroom, Dean was back on the couch, with the laptop in his lap and was searching for information in the web.

Sam sat down beside him and lurked over at the screen every now and then, stealing nosy glances at what Dean was currently reading.

"Orthos's children shall bring hell upon the waking world," Dean said out loud. "Thirteen death-bearing creatures shall be born and bring back what is long lost."

The omega frowned. "What does that mean?"

"That whatever's growing inside of you, ain't nothin' good," Dean murmured. "Orthos got two heads?"

Sam shook his head. "No. Just like I told you and Bobby."

The alpha turned the laptop, so that Sam had a better look at the picture on the screen, who shook his head. "He doesn't look like that."

Dean huffed out a breath. "That's it for lore," he grumbled and shook his head. "You know when you've been sick for the last time? And … you know …"

Sam ducked his head and looked aside. First he shook his head, but then thought. "One month before I got out," he murmured thoughtfully. "Why?"

Dean sighed and leaned back. He pinched the bridge of his nose and rubbed over his face. How was he supposed to explain this to Sam?

"Because – Sammy – You weren't sick. Not really. You were in heat." The straight way was the best one, Dean decided. "It's something that happens to omegas, you know? They go into heat every now and then … that's when they can get pregnant. So … I bet you're about four to five months into it. That's why you aren't showing yet." This topic seemed to make him rather uncomfortable.

Dean groaned as he shifted. His hip and calf were making problems again. "Which is a good thing though. It means we've time to figure things out. We don't have to hurry and may make mistakes." He bit down on his lower lip and looked over at Sam, who seemed rather troubled now.

"You think it's really evil? I mean … maybe it's not, right?" Huge hazel-green eyes looked at the ex-hunter.

"Sammy..." He knew the omega didn't want to believe it, and it was cruel to tell someone that the unborn being inside of him wasn't any good.

"I know … It's just ..." The omega sighed. "I don't want it to be evil." He nearly sounded like a kid.

"We'll fix it, okay? Don't you worry." Dean laid the laptop aside and gathered Sam in his arms, holding him tight. "You wanna sleep with me tonight?" he asked calmly, "You know … just by my side …"

Sam chuckled at the shy attempt of the hunter to explain himself. "I'd love to share a bed with you," he whispered back.

"Good … 'cause I'm freaking tired of hugging the shit out of my comforter." The alpha kissed Sam's neck. "I'd rather hug the shit out of you."

to be continued