To Miss What was Never Yours
By: The Hat Potato
It hit Paris like an epidemic - the day the magazine cover was released. It was printed from an unpopular tabloid, in an unpopular shop, but once it was out in the open, the idea spread like wildfire, infiltrating the mind of every girl in the city. "Is Chat Noir Paris' Most Eligible Bachelor?"
Because, when looked at from the proper angle, Chat Noir, guardian of Paris, king of black leather and bad puns, could be considered pretty charming.
To some people.
In school, it was all Marinette heard about. The mysterious man behind the black mask. The green eyes. The messy blonde hair. It was an obsession that hit everyone; no one was immune. Except her, of course.
But still, it was weird, having everyone suddenly take notice of her partner. Before, he had been her own little secret, kept locked away from prying eyes in her own special corner. Her other half. Which was ridiculous. Selfish, even. He worked just as hard as she did, and it was high time that he got some recognition.
This recognition was different from hers, though. People looked up to Ladybug as a leader and role model. They looked at Chat Noir like he was a hunk of meat. No one was talking about how noble and brave he was, or how much he'd done to protect them. Instead, they focused on if he was dating anyone and how old he was and 'I wonder what he's like in bed'.
Her gut twisted. It didn't make sense, but it felt like her precious secret had been spilled, and it would never belong to just her again. Except he had never been hers. Not really. She had made that very clear to him.
So how can one mourn the loss of something they never had?
oOo
Alya excitedly slid into the seat next to her. "Girl, you have to check out my new blog post."
"On the Ladyblog?" Marinette asked with a smile.
"Even better!" Alya squealed. "I started a new blog, all about Chat Noir. I call it… " she paused dramatically, fingers drumming on the desk in front of her, "the Chat Chronicles!"
Marinette's stomach dropped. It wasn't that she was jealous of him. She wasn't a superhero for fame or anything. She didn't demand hero worship. And Chat Noir deserved his spot in the limelight just as much as she did. But Alya, too?
"I see Paris' new craze has got a hold on you, too."
"Well, duh, girl, have you seen him?"
Yes, yes she had. Many times. Up close. In his arms. Pressed against him. She shook her head.
"I just wouldn't have pegged him as your type," she giggled. "And what about Nino?"
"Oh, don't worry about that." She turned forward and smiled at her boyfriend. "It's not that I, myself want to date him."
"I do!" Someone cried from behind them.
"Then what's the big deal?" Marinette pressed, taking a sip from her water bottle. "Why is everyone so hooked on him?"
"It's different for everyone. Most people just think he's hot. I think he should end up with Ladybug."
Marinette choked.
"You, you, you what?"
"Remember the picture I showed you from when they lost their memories and kissed?"
Marinette outwardly nodded and inwardly cringed.
"Well, after that, I started digging around a bit more, looking through old interviews and stuff. And he's, like, totally head over heels for her." Alya rambled happily.
"Oh, really?" Marinette had the sudden urge to bang her head against a wall.
"Yeah, and, even though it's not as obvious, I think she likes him, too. You can see it in her eyes."
Adrien spun around from the bench in front of them. "Do you really think so? That Ladybug likes Chat Noir, that is."
"Totally." Alya smiled. "The next time I interview her, it's the first question on my list. But, I mean, seriously, who could resist falling in love with a partner like that?"
"That's what I'm saying!" Adrien agreed.
Marinette froze in her seat. Adrien, her beloved Adrien, had just openly admitted that she (well, Ladybug, but same difference) should date Chat Noir. She felt her heart pounding in the pit of her stomach. Why is any of this happening?
"Ladybug, like, totally doesn't deserve him!" Chloe butted in from behind them. As much as Marinette hated to say it, she agreed with her. He was too good for her. "He should totally be with me!"
Well, agreeing with Chloe had been fun while it lasted.
A chorus of "no, he's mine!" set off around the classroom, and Alix turned to Marinette, asking the very question she'd been dreading.
"What about you? Date him if you had the chance?"
Flames burned through her cheeks from the inside out. "Umm, no?"
Her classmates erupted in disbelieving remarks, viciously egging her on.
"Fine, you're right, I guess I would." Which made no sense. And she knew it made no sense. It was a lie in every sense of the word. Because she had been given the chance. Many times. And she said no. Every time. She loved Adrien.
Adrien, Adrien, Adrien.
Not Chat Noir.
Not her Kitty.
Adrien.
oOo
She hadn't even arrived home when she got the alert on her phone. And, as much as she wasn't in the mood to deal with an akumatized (she could have guessed) Chat Noir fangirl, duty called.
C'est la vie.
oOo
The wind blew sharply around her, and she shivered from her perch on the rooftop. She had been studying the rogue fanatic for nearly ten minutes, trying to discover what her superpower was or where her akuma might be, but to no avail. She was just running around the streets, knocking things over with no rhyme or reason.
"What's new, Bugaboo?" She heard him walking towards her and smiled.
"Seems like I should be asking you that, Mr. Famous."
She saw his cheeks turn pink beneath his mask, but he recovered easily. "Who can blame them? I mean, what's not to love?" He whipped the end of his belt out to the side.
"Mr. Modest, too," Ladybug giggled, punching him in the arm.
That was too flirty. That was way too flirty. Why was she being flirty?
Chat blinked a few times before bounding forward to join her on the edge. "So, what are we up agaaaa - what's she doing?"
"That's what I've been trying to figure out. We know that she's one of your admirers, but I don't see an obvious place for the akuma to be."
Below, the girl let out a battle cry and knocked over a trash can.
"Maybe she likes litter. Get it, cat litter?" He snickered at his own joke, and Ladybug glared at him.
"I guess we should just go down and sort it out. It'll probably be easier to find her akuma once she's actually fighting us."
"Brilliant idea as always, M'lady." He grabbed around her waist and pulled her securely against him before jumping down the length of his stick.
She held on tight to him until her feet were planted safely on the ground. "Thanks, Kitty."
He blushed again.
"What is she doing here?" the akumatized girl asked pointedly.
Ladybug looked her over. She was blonde, slender, and around her age.
"I'm his partner," Ladybug shot back. "Anywhere he goes, I go."
She could just tell Chat was smirking.
"Not for long, Bug Girl!" The girl shrieked, stomping her foot against the cobblestone street.
Ladybug studied her again. Her clothes were average, not the bright colors and odd shapes she was used to. The boot that kicked at the ground was entirely ordinary; brown and a little scuffed up.
"Who are you?" Ladybug asked incredulously.
"I am Amoureuse, seeker of love," she shouted, flipping over yet another garbage can.
She glanced at Chat Noir, but he just shrugged.
"Well, aren't you going to fight me? Or is the great Ladybug too scared?"
"I- Chat, something doesn't feel right."
Amoureuse growled and picked up the discarded trash can lid, lifting it over her head. "You'd better fight me!" she goaded, running over to a parked car and swinging the metal around threateningly.
"Come on, we have to stop her!" Chat grabbed her arm and pulled her to Amoureuse. His stick expanded beneath the lid and pitched it into the air.
"To you, M'lady!" he called to her.
She reluctantly ran forward and caught it midair, casting it aside. This wasn't normal. There were no leads to go off of, nothing to indicate why she was doing this.
"Wow, Chat Noir, you must be so strong!" Amoureuse oozed.
"What's your power?" Ladybug yelled at the villain.
Amoureuse just grinned and cocked one hip. "Wouldn't you like to know? So, Chat, is it true you're in love with her? You could do so much better."
Chat Noir shot a punch in the blonde's direction, but she stepped away just in time. "It's like we're dancing! And you know what they say about dancing right? Juuust like se- "
Red flooded Ladybug's vision, and she swooped her leg around for a kick, because what was wrong with this chick? Unfortunately, with her head being clouded by … something, precision flew out the window, and she missed her target. Dramatically. Her heel slammed into the pavement, jarring all the way to her knee. She cried out in pain.
"Ladybug! Are you okay?" Chat asked, sprinting to her.
"I'm fine, it's just a little- "
"Since you two are having such a hard time defeating me, I'll give you a little help." Amoureuse now stood on top of the car, hands on hips.
"Go stop her, Chat, I'll be fine," Ladybug assured him.
"Sorry, M'lady, I'll be right back." He sprung to the roof of the car, and attempted to get Amoureuse down.
"I'm trying to help you," she whined. "Don't you want to know where the akuma is?" She turned fully to Chat Noir and pulled him down by his shoulders until his ear was beside her lips.
Ladybug tried to spring into action, but her heel throbbed in protest.
That little tramp.
Amoureuse grinned. "Come on, Chat Noir, shouldn't you use your Cataclysm now? Save the day?" The girl was taunting them, and it made Ladybug fume.
"Chat Noir, don't listen to her!" she called from below.
"Shut up, you hussy, you're just jealous," the blonde shot back.
Jealous? Pfft, please, she was definitely, super, duper not-
"What do you mean, je- "
"Oh, bug off! Can't you see we're busy here?" She pressed herself to Chat Noir, wrapping herself around him.
"Get down, Kitty!" Ladybug called from the street.
"Wh- where's the akuma?" he asked hesitantly.
Amoureuse smiled deviously. "You're sure you want to know?"
"Purr-fectly sure," he answered.
Ladybug groaned, "Chat, now's not the time!"
"Sorry! Instinct."
Amoureuse angled his face to hers. "Fine, if you really want to know." She grazed her lips against his cheek on her path to his ear. "The akuma's in… uhh, ohhh. It's in my shirt. So, what'll it be, Kitty? Cataclysm? Or will you just rip it off yourself?"
Chat Noir pulled away immediately and turned to look at Ladybug, eyes wild and practically begging for a solution.
None of this made sense. Where was her weird costume and red glow and obsessive need to take their miraculous? Where was Hawk Moth? What even was her super power? Nothing about her screamed 'akuma', so how-
It clicked.
Ladybug shot her hand out to him, "Chat, don't, she's faking!"
oOo
They had to bring actual authorities into it that time, which was strange. Normally, she removed the akuma from the villain and everything went back to normal. This girl, however, was different. Well, just plain crazy actually.
"I guess it kind of makes sense," Chat reflected as they walked towards the exit of the police station. "The easiest way to get close to me is to be akumatized."
"More like the stupidest way," Ladybug huffed.
"Hey, she just couldn't resist being with this much awesome." He flexed an arm, and she scoffed.
It was almost night now, what with paperwork and all, but neither of them had ever actually used their special power, so they had all the time in the world. Well, not all of it. Marinette had a history report she had to finish.
"Is your heel okay?" he asked.
"I think so."
"Hey, M'lady?"
"Yeah?"
"Do you want to go get ice cream?"
She sighed. He looked so hopeful, but history homework called.
"Chat, I- "
He must've been able to read her tone because suddenly, his shoulders sagged and his expression looked crushed. Her heart couldn't take it. Which was strange because she had rejected him just about a million times before.
"Chat, I would love to get ice cream with you." She smiled sweetly. It was a small price to pay for the colossal grin she got in return.
They pushed open the door to the outside. There stood a mob of interviewers, which was typical, but the mass of savage girls was certainly new.
The crowd screamed, piercing and frantic, cutting the air around them like a thousand knives.
Ladybug fought the urge to cover her ears.
"Well, they are certainly devoted!" She had to scream to be heard over the noise.
A tall interviewer with a big nose shoved his way to the front. "Chat Noir, how does it feel to be in the heart of every girl in Paris?"
"Uhh, weird?"
"Fascinating."
Ladybug tried to drone them out. The hustle and bustle surrounding her was suffocating, and her head felt swimmy. Streetlights and screaming girls and nosy reporters, and when she reached out for him, her rock, her ground, to steady her, she found him noticeably missing, just out of reach.
"Kitty?" she asked quietly.
"Chat Noir, over here! The city needs to know, are you dating anyone?"
"No."
The crowd cheered.
Chat glanced back at her and smirked. "Well, not yet, that is."
Her face felt hot.
"Chat Noir! What is it like- "
"Sorry to disappoint, but I have someplace to be."
They walked side by side, through the roaring crowds. And then, for whatever reason, she grabbed his hand. His hand felt big and warm in hers, separated by only their costumes. He froze for a mere moment before lightly squeezing her palm in happiness. His claws dug slightly into her knuckles.
"Chat Noir, over here!" someone screamed, and the whole group screamed with them.
"Watch out, M'lady, with all this attention, you might have some competition for this heart of mine. It's liable to move on sometime."
Her own heart clenched like there was an iron vise squeezing around it. And she knew that he was joking because joking is what he did, but she felt sick.
Suddenly, her world was crumbling. The insecurities that she had carefully tucked away sprung to life with a vengeance.
Something in the back of her head whispered ugly lies of 'he doesn't need you anymore' and 'you had your chance'. And she knew they were a lie, but now she felt a lump in her throat, and the more she thought about it, the more it grew.
And-
-maybe he doesn't love me anymore.
She broke away before the first tear fell, rambled something about homework, and leapt away into the night.
oOo
"Tikki!" she sobbed to her little red friend. "He was joking, right? Tell me he was joking!"
"Marinette, why do you care? I thought you'd want him to move on. You love Adrien."
"I- I- I- I know, but I don't want him to forget me!"
Tikki sighed, "He's not going to forget you, Marinette. No matter what happens, you'll still always mean a lot to him!"
That's not good enough.
Marinette wiped her eyes pitifully on the base of her tank top and mumbled something that sounded like, "I air need" before hopping through her skylight to the balcony.
She was selfish. So selfish. She was stringing him along like a marionette doll, and now that maybe he could finally get over his infatuation, she decided to…
To what?
She couldn't even tell whether she wanted to love him back or forget all about him.
Well, forgetting him was pretty much out of the question.
The moon was bright, and the night air was biting against her bare arms. A shadow flew by and that was all the warning she got before he was there, standing beside her.
She yelped, and he half-heartedly chuckled.
"Hi, Marinette."
What if he had moved on from Ladybug to her? Otherwise known as Ladybug. That might end badly.
"Chat Noir! Funny seeing you here… on my balcony." She put on a healthy dose of false pep, but she didn't miss how dejected he looked.
"I need advice."
"Oh?"
"Girl advice, to be specific."
"Oh. I thought you were a master with wooing the ladies," she joked, but it made her want to cry all over again.
"Not with the Lady I want," he sighed.
It was rather ironic, she thought. That he should come to her for help. That both sides of herself had such a close bond with him.
If only he knew.
He continued, albeit slowly, "I think I messed up. I said a stupid joke that I didn't even mean, but I think I hurt her. I made it sound like she could be replaced. But she could never, ever be replaced. She means everything to me."
Now Marinette wanted to cry for a whole new reason. "J-just tell her that. I'm sure she'll understand. She was probably just making a dig beal out of something that didn't matter to begin with." She nodded too quickly, up and down.
"You're sure?"
"Yes. I'm paw-sitive." She laughed.
"Hey, that was pretty good! I need to write that one down."
Marinette laughed again, and then, before she even knew what she was doing, she threw her arms about him and pulled him in for a hug.
He nestled against her, chin resting on her shoulder. "Thank you, Marinette."
oOo
"TIKKI!" she screamed a little too loudly.
"Marinette, what is it?" Her little companion sounded groggy, and, sure enough, when she dropped into her room, Tikki was curled up in a blanket, rubbing at her eyes.
"I need to transform. Right now."
"Is there another akuma attack?" Tikki asked.
"Umm… well, no."
"Is this about Chat Noir?"
"Maybe."
The image of him bounding away into the darkness, saying he wanted to go to the Eiffel Tower to think, was still fresh in her memory.
Tikki nodded her tiny head. "Marinette, are you sure this is what you want? What about Adrien?"
"I don't know about Adrien. He… still means a lot to me. But Chat Noir loves me. Loves me more than anyone probably ever will. I'm tired of wasting my time on someone who won't even give me a chance."
"You don't know that, Marinette! You never told Adrien how you feel. Maybe he's just afraid to tell you, too."
"But that's another thing, Tikki. I can't even have a conversation with Adrien without forgetting my name. Everything is so natural with Chat Noir." She grew quiet, reverent. "He loves me. And Tikki, I think I… I think I might lo- "
"Ok, Marinette, if it means that much to you."
"It does."
"If you're sure this is what your heart is telling you- "
"It is."
" -then, go ahead."
Marinette took a steadying breath and set her face into a countenance of determination.
"Tikki, SPOTS ON!"
oOo
She didn't feel like hesitating. As soon as she saw his messy blonde hair blowing in the breeze, she pounced, landing gracefully on a rung beside him.
He jumped a little, neck snapping to face her. "Ladybug?"
"Hey, Kitty." She could hear the anxiety dripping from her words, and she tried to steady herself.
"What's going on?"
She sat down next to him, inhaled deeply, and let it all out. "I made a mistake when I left earlier today because I know you were joking and I was just reading into it too much, but I freaked out, but then I didn't know why I freaked out, and that made me freak out even harder."
He bore an expression that practically screamed, 'Slow down!', but she couldn't stop.
"And I despise how everyone treats you now. Like- like a sex god or a prize to be won, when really you're so much more than that." His eyes bulged. "And at first I thought that I was jealous of you, but I wasn't. I was jealous of everyone else. I was jealous that anyone else got to lo- to - to know you. And I know I shouldn't, but I really hate 'Amoureuse' and all the girls that claim to want you, because at the end of the day, when I really think about it, I- I- I- " She tapered off, her confidence wavering.
He took her hand. "You, what, M'lady?"
"I love you."
She wasn't quite sure which came first: the final 'ou' sound of her 'you' or his lips crashing into hers.
His kissing was hungry and possessive, and she wrapped her arms around his back, pulling him even closer.
Not even a second later, he paused, only to mutter, "I love you, too," before resuming his onslaught. Not that she was complaining, though. This. This moment, this kiss, this night, this person, this everything was perfect. Purr-fect.
They would've made quite the spectacle had anyone been watching. Paris' guardians, making out at the top of the Eiffel Tower. But screw Paris, screw the world. Her heart was fluttering like it had grown a pair of wings, and she was pretty sure he was purring, and it was perfect. She was kissing Chat Noir, and that was all that mattered.
"I love you!" she said again, panting. His hot breath puffed against her face, and she shivered.
He dove his tongue into her mouth, studying her like he was a cartographer and she was unmapped territory, just waiting to be explored.
She didn't know how she hadn't seen this before. This truth that now seemed so obvious, and she had been blind to it until now.
How stupid she could be sometimes.
He released her, at last, looking strangely sheepish. "Does this mean I can call you Bugaboo now?"
She laughed, "You can call me all the corny nicknames in the world."
"Is your heel still okay?"
"Yes, Kitty."
He smiled. "You know that no one could ever replace you, right?"
"Now I do."
"Then are you still up for ice cream?"
She giggled again and nodded.
He squeezed her hand in his. "Let's go. Andre's?"
"Of course."
His other hand wrapped around her waist and they disappeared into the night, together this time.
oOo
The city's obsession with Chat Noir didn't vanish overnight, and she hadn't expected it to. The world around her was still full of him. But who could blame them? He was a great catch.
She felt lighter than she had in a long time as she walked down the street to school, her history homework long forgotten. Who cared? She was happy.
Her classmates were still frenzied, and she still heard girls' desperate proclamations and raunchy questions about him, but she paid them no mind. After all, she was the only one who got to know the answers.
And, yes, it was strange to have half a city throwing themselves at her boyfriend, but she wasn't really bothered by it anymore.
Because she was his and he was hers, and they loved each other, and that was all that mattered.
Chat Noir, Chat Noir, Chat Noir.
Not Adrien.
Not her crush.
Chat Noir.
Her Kitty.
The End
