John Phoenix was at the prosecutor's office playing chess with Miles Edgeworth, Edgeworth was playing white while John Phoenix played black.
"Now, John Phoenix, let us begin," said Edgeworth, and the game began.
White pawn to F3. Black pawn to E5.
"Intriguing move, John Phoenix," Edgeworth pushed up his glasses.
White pawn to G4.
John Phoenix smirked.
"Fool!" he boldly proclaimed as he moved his black queen to H4, ending the game in his favor.
Edgeworth fell out of his seat. Inconceivable it was that he would lose after only making two moves, and yet the man before him had done it. Just who was this man, John Phoenix?
"You are nothing to me, Miles Edgeworth," said John Phoenix. "It seems that my rival cannot be found in this world, but the next!"
And so, John Phoenix concentrated his psychic powers very carefully and, fueled by his desire to find a worthy chess opponent, caused a portal to appear before him. He ran into it after warning Dumbworth not to follow him.
John Phoenix arrived in the Investigations 2 World, an alternate universe. What's different about this one? Let's find out.
John Phoenix went to the prosecutor's office of AAI2 World and opened the door to Edgeworth's office.
"Edgeworth, I challenge you to a game of chess!"
"NO KAY I SWEAR TO YOU THAT DOGEN'S DOG USED ANOTHER PRISONER'S SECRET ESCAPE TUNNEL TO MURDER HORACE KNIGHTLEY!" yelled AAI2 Edgeworth.
John Phoenix grimaced and left, it was obvious that the Edgeworth of this universe was even more stupid than the one of his own, where they were mercifully spared of the repugnant forty hour pile of pretentious drivel called Gyakuten Kenji 2. Clearly, the Edgeworth of this universe pretended to be smart by constantly talking about chess since he knew that the many stupid people of the world would believe he'd be smart then even though he probably never played it in his life - a terrible step down from the one of John Phoenix's world. He decided to go to jail because he heard from Badworth that there were chess games held there, and then he ran into a judge with abnormally shaped boobs and there was a guy licking her ass below her. Just then a kid appeared out of nowhere and flew in John Phoenix's face!
"Who goes there?" shouted Sebastian Debeste which earned him a slap to the face, followed by getting thrown in the garbage chute where stupid people go (almost everyone in AAI2 was down there).
"I have no business with children because children don't have years of experience in chess!" roared John Phoenix. He turned to Courtney. "You are an adult, I command you to challenge me to a battle of wits!"
"I see... That is... understandable... I challenge you... to... chess... TODAY!" said Courtney, which made John Phoenix nearly fall asleep from how boring she was. The guy sucking her ass pulled out a table and threw it in front of her and she and John Phoenix set up a chess game.
"Justine Courtney, I make my first move!" John Phoenix grabbed a knight and slammed it into the middle of the chessboard!
Just then, the guard in the room keeled over and died!
"Murder alert! Murder alert!" went the prison's alarm and giant bears blocked the entrance and then Patricia Roland came in.
"Alright what's going on here, who killed that guard?" said Roland pointing the guard who was Jay Elbird in disguise (he was trying to escape from jail but he couldn't so he got in a cop uniform and walked around in it because he's stupid). "Was it you, boy?"
"No, wait!" shouted Detective Gumshoe. "I recognize that guy, he's from an alternate universe they were talking about him on the news, John Phoenix would never kill anyone!"
"Hm, okay..." said Patricia. "I guess that means the killer was you, Courtney-pie."
"Objection!" shouted John Phoenix in defense of this rival he traversed the multiverse to find. "Test the gun for fingerprints and we'll see if she did it!"
They tested the gun for prints and found someone's prints but they didn't belong to her!
"As you can see Justine doesn't wear gloves so she could not have held it!"
"But wait maybe one of the animals did it," said Gumshoe but then John Phoenix grabbed Gumshoe's neck and threw him out the window and he got eaten by the alligator in the lake.
"Animals have no place in prison!" yelled John Phoenix and he snapped his fingers and all of the animals were forcibly removed from the prison and it was finally normal. "Anyway at this point there can be only ONE person who shot the guard..."
Suddenly the man who was sucking Justine's ass stood up.
"Thanks for the ass, Justine, I'll be going now," said the man and he walked to the door.
"HOLD IT!" shouted John Phoenix. "The real murderer is YOU, asssucker, or should I call you DYLAN FITCHAR?!"
Dylan spun around and around and stopped to face John Phoenix in horror.
"John Phoenix! How did you know it was me?"
"Dylan! You killed the guard because you were the only other person in the room at the time so these prints must be yours!"
"Ahahaha!" cackled Dylan in defeat... almost! He pulled out a gun that he had stolen from the guard's corpse and aimed it at John Phoenix. "Farewell, my despicable nemesis!"
The gun fired, but then for some reason, the bullet turned into a raindrop and all that happened was John Phoenix's shirt got a tiny bit wet.
"What the fu-" Dylan said but before he could finish that thought John Phoenix had stolen Justine's gavel and swung it in Dylan's face, then he formed a portal and sent him to hell!
"Thank you for your help, John Phoenix," said Justine. "May I have my gavel back?"
"Sure," said John Phoenix and he threw it in her face too, killing her (in other words she got sent to hell but without the portals because John Phoenix is capable of doing that in more ways than one)! The reason he did this is because she was too stupid to determine the obvious truth that Dylan was the one who shot the guard while pretending(?) to lick her mediocre ass. She was also stupid enough to believe someone as suspicious and evil and ugly as Dylan would not be a villain in the first place.
And so, John Phoenix was forced to accept that being the best chess player in the world came with consequences and that he'd forever have to be disappointed by all of his opponents so he went home and told Edgeworth this and he stopped being sad.
The End.
