So, Kenny and Wendy meeting again in Hell was an idea I had while I've been without internet for awhile (with the exception of my phone), and then MrRedSnake finished his fanfiction Dead Man Walking which is probably my favorite story on this site currently (the last couple chapters did involve Hell for the record), and I decided "Okay. Now I really gotta write it."
Disclaimer: I do not own South Park. It's called FANfiction for a reason!
He laid back against a lone wall in the darkest pits of the first layer of Hell with a cigarette in his mouth. He'd done enough bad just by existing as a Lovecraftian being to get him sent to the seventh layer of Hell, but Satan decided to be generous since the boy had his own history with the devil, having helped save him from an abusive relationship with former dictator, Saddam Hussein. Of course, that didn't stop Saddam from coming back (I mean, where was he gonna go, Detroit?), but he was always thankful for someone helping him, regardless of what the Bible would convince you.
The boy had a history of dying on a daily basis, and closer to a weekly basis as he got older, so he never thought he would permanently be sent to the fiery pits. However, when he turned 20, the cigarettes he got addicted to when he was ten finally did him in. Lung cancer. That death was his last, and so he was in Hell for the past five years. Interestingly enough, in Hell, he did not age even a year. He didn't even look as bad as he did when he was dying of cancer. All the cigarettes really made him do was cough a lot.
Kenny still wore orange parkas all the time. However, when he turned 17, he finally started having the hood down. He was actually surprised people didn't mistake him for Tweek, considering they both had the spiky blond hair and had faces that didn't look any different because there wasn't much to the way these kids were animated. Maybe the coat still being on him was the dead giveaway, or the fact that he wasn't screaming like he was snorting coke like Stephen King used to. Either way, they knew who he was at least.
Kenny took the cigarette out of his mouth to exhale a puff of smoke. He then heard a female voice say to him: "I was sure I'd find you here, since I know you died. Tried to find Pip, but fuck knows where he is..."
Kenny didn't even need to look at her to figure out who she was. He remembered the voices of all his friends in South Park really well. Wendy Testaburger. He turned to see her. The only thing different about her from her usual appearance was she wasn't wearing her usual beret, as someone stole it when she left it in the girls locker room in high school.
"Of all my friends from South Park, you were the last one I would've expected to come here, Wendy..." Kenny analyzed. "Then again, I went to Heaven once and I still went to Hell when I was dead for good. Fuck only knows what they're doing up there."
"What?"
"Nothing." Kenny felt there was no point in explaining it. If he died in Hell, it would be understandable when he came back completely unharmed (because, as said before, where was he gonna go, Detroit?), and maybe she would even remember it for once, but back on Earth, only he seemed to be aware he died all the time. "Long time no see though."
"Too long," Wendy giggled. "Feels too soon at the same time though. We both died in our twenties."
"Life sucks." Kenny used the old philosophy that usually explains why shit normally doesn't go the way you'd want it to. "It's bound to eventually, and when it does, it'll always feel like it happened too soon."
"Yeah, I guess." Wendy did admittedly assume she would probably think it was too soon to die if she was fifty. "So... what's it like in Hell?"
"You're here, you'll find out," Kenny would've chucked his cigarette butt in the lake of lava nearby the two of them, but the thing about Hell was, if it can kill you, it reforms when it's destroyed. Wendy watched the cigarette return to how it once looked. "Although, if you want my opinion, it only sucks on the way down. Then it's actually pretty nice after Satan welcomes you here. He's not that bad a guy if you ask me."
"Wait, didn't ManBearPig kill him?"
"Where was he-Never mind. We're not making that joke a third time in this story." Kenny was old enough to know that even classic jokes can get old too if they were used too many times. That's why he had a tendency to use a variety of dirty jokes as a kid.
"Fair enough," Wendy said.
"How's Stan? I haven't been keeping a watchful eye over anyone from South Park because it would fucking hurt too much," Kenny asked.
"We did end up getting married... and then divorced..." Wendy admitted. "Bebe's a fucking cunt." It took Kenny a moment to understand what Wendy meant by that. Rather than comment on it, he lit his cigarette again on one of the embers coming up from a crack in the ground. "Honestly, I didn't want to stay with him that long anyway. He really changed after he got old enough to drink. He was worse than his father..."
"Honestly, even sober people are worse than Randy. He's at least hilarious a lot of the time," Kenny joked. Then he returned to a serious tone. "So, why did you get married to him?"
"I did love him. But things went south quickly after he started drinking. Then he lost his job and wasted a good chunk of his time partying..."
"And then he fucked Bebe?" Kenny asked. Wendy nodded. "Damn, that's rough..."
"I did actually want to get together with a boy I thought was cute since we were kids... but unfortunately he was already dead..."
"You mean...?"
"Yes," Wendy smiled.
"I wouldn't get with Pip. He's a little fag," Kenny answered.
"I wasn't talking about Pip," she laughed.
"The-" Kenny paused and blushed. "Oh... I see." he took another inhale on his cigarette. "Well, I don't get much to do in Hell but watch people kill each other a hundred times and smoke... It gets boring eventually..."
"Wanna go out?" Wendy asked.
"Sure."
This idea was partially inspired by a question asked in one of the fireside commentaries by Matt and Trey on the season 1 DVDs where they were asked if Kenny has a limited number of lives like a video game, and Matt and Trey said if they want to kill him, they can kill him. I mean, they did actually try to, but even that didn't get rid of him, so I figured I'd have Kenny lose his last life for the sake of a story. I hope you all liked this fanfic. Keep on writing, everyone!
