Chapter Fourteen:
Yugi stared in wonder at the ultrasound, watching his child. He couldn't get enough. He could forget everything else in the room but that image, but after a few minutes, he remembered that Yami and Joey were there with him.
/What do you think?/ Yugi asked Yami mentally without taking his gaze off his child.
/It's… um… Aibou, it's really…/
/Yeah,/ Yugi agreed, understanding what Yami meant even though he couldn't find the words. /It's really./
"Wow," Joey breathed from behind him.
Yugi finally turned his head and grinned up at them. Both looked floored, which didn't surprise him. They had heard him say it, but they didn't really understand until they saw it.
"Everything looks good, Yugi," Anna said, taking back the wand and turning off the machine. Yugi was amazed at how much the loss of the picture affected him. "Seems healthy and active."
Yugi was ecstatic about the news. When he was home, by himself, especially at night before he fell asleep, he continuously wondered how his baby was doing. Without Anna and her machine, he couldn't know, and while he knew obsessing about it probably wasn't good, he couldn't help but worry. He knew how big of a risk this was. He knew the odds were bad. And now that he was invested in this baby, that knowledge was like knowing there was something bad creeping up behind you, getting closer, but you were paralyzed and couldn't look. It weighed on him. Thinking of it now was making a mild headache form.
"I've seen that look loads of times," Anna said, watching him. "Would you like me to print a picture of the ultrasound, for you to take home?"
"Can you do that? Please?"
Anna smiled, moving over to a computer on a counter. "No problem."
"Yugi, I wanted to talk to you about planning for the C-section," Dr. Kuribayashi said, instantly taking his whole attention.
The doctor sat down on an exam stool, pushing his hair from his forehead. He looked grave.
"Is there something wrong?" Yugi asked fearfully.
"No, but the situation is very serious. As you know, I've been reading as much as I can on obstetrics, as well as having a few hypothetical discussions with colleagues and old classmates."
"I really appreciate the trouble."
Dr. Kuribayashi waved his hand. "The point is, Yugi, you will not be able to carry this child to term." Yugi opened his mouth to protest, but Kuribayashi talked over him. "It's not possible, Yugi. Physically not possible. Your body is not designed to stretch like that, and your organs are larger than a woman's. Your pelvic girdle is narrower. There is no room. If you try, the baby will become compressed and possibly suffocate."
Yugi felt tears sting his eyes. "What can we do?"
"Best case scenario, if you're still determined to keep, is to do our best to monitor and hope the baby makes it as long as possible, but we'll have to be ready to start the procedure at the very first sign of distress."
Yugi looked down at his bare stomach, now visibly protruding to the naked eye. "How long do you think we can hope for?"
"There's no telling. No guessing, either. There's just no precedent of course. All we can do is hope for as long as possible. But, Yugi, even 'close' is still preterm, and that carries a lot of risks for defects and problems."
Yugi bit his lip. He didn't want to ask, but he felt he had to. "Like what?"
"Depending on how early, there's problems with breathing, cognitive impairment, digestion problems, anemia, problems with regulating body temperature, slow physical development, stunted growth and organ development, and soft bones, blindness. Some or all of these can be continuous through life."
"Yugi, it is a very dangerous situation," Anna said, "but we're going to do our best. And you should know that while there hasn't been much progress in preventing preterm, there's been leaps and bounds in the care of them."
"Yes," Kuribayashi agreed, somewhat reluctantly.
Yugi nodded. Again, he wished desperately that Seto was there. Maybe he could go to him. He wasn't sure if he could handle another five days without him.
/I wouldn't do that, Aibou,/ Yami said gently. /If something were to happen, you'd need to be here, near Dr. Kuribayashi./
Yugi knew he was right.
******
Yugi sat broodingly in the backseat on the way home. He rubbed his stomach idly while he thought. What Kuribayashi had told him had dealt a blow to his conviction he'd done the right thing choosing to keep his baby. Knowingly risking its life to possible handicaps and defects… how could he justify that?
More importantly, how could he handle that?
As he sat and thought, he realized it wouldn't matter. He'd still love his child, like he did now. No matter what, he couldn't abort.
Yugi sighed, letting his head thunk back against headrest and closed his eyes. He had hoped coming to a decision would make him feel better, but it really hadn't. Whether he would still love his child or not, of course he still wanted it to be healthy and whole in all senses. He worried.
/Aibou?/ Yami, almost whispering, as if he was afraid to disturb Yugi, in case he wanted to be alone.
Yami he could talk to. Anything on his mind, Yami would understand.
/I'm just thinking if I made the right decision,/ Yugi said, opening his eyes, but not raising his head. He stared up at the roof of the car. /I was so sure, but now…/
/I understand, Aibou,/ Yami said.
Yugi struggled against the tears. This was horrible! He'd been so sure he wanted to keep his child, that it was the right thing to do, but now he wasn't so sure. Could he condemn his child to these problems? Was that right, or would it be more merciful to terminate? What kind of decision was that and did he have the right to make it?
He felt comfort coming from Yami and he latched onto it. /What should I do?/
/I can't answer that,/ Yami said sadly. /It still has to be your decision, Yugi. Only you can make the right one for yourself and for your baby./
/I just don't know. I could be risking him or her to a lifetime of…of…I don't even know! Can I do that? Is that selfish? But-/
/But maybe he or she will be fine,/ Yami agreed. /You don't know./
/That's the hell of it./
Yami had no response.
Yugi settled himself down on the couch in Yami and Joey's living room. He hadn't wanted to go home to the Shop just yet. He didn't know when he would tell his family, but he felt like he couldn't bring himself to until he'd fully come to a decision and knew what was going to happen. Though, it felt like he'd have the baby before he actually knew what was going to happen.
Joey was sitting in the armchair while Yami sat beside him. Yugi had the print-out of the ultrasound Anna had given him spread out over his lap and was staring down at it. The ultrasound machine of Kuribayashi's practice was top notch and Anna had used some software on her computer to enhance it even more. The picture was in shades of gray. Yugi could see the baby's head, the curled up body where the spine was visible, the legs drawn up toward the stomach. He could see the curl of the umbilical cord that had defied all odds and attached to his liver.
Anna had captured the baby while it was still sucking its thumb.
"Yug', you know we support any decision, right?" Joey asked.
Yugi nodded without raising his head or saying anything.
"We'll be here for you. No matter what. You just tell us."
Yugi stared down at the ultrasound. He could see the almost-invisible slope of the nose, the fingers, the toes. This tiny person was somehow inside his body, growing every day. Magic or not, he or she was there, alive, unaware of Yugi's internal dilemma, moving forward every minute towards his or her birth.
Yugi shook his head. He reached over and rested his fingertips over the small form.
"I guess I'm more selfish than I ever thought," Yugi said. "Because I have to keep it."
"That's not selfish, Yug'," Joey said automatically.
"You don't know what will happen," Yami added. "You don't know. So, you're not selfish, Yugi. You're making your decision in love, you know that."
Yugi raised his head. Yami and Joey were both watching him, concerned, sympathetic, and earnest. Yugi found a smile for them.
tbc...
