A/N: Hey everyone! I know. It's been forever since I posted anything. It's been pretty busy between work and school but I was finally able to finish this one-shot I've been working on. I hope you all enjoy it and just know what it took to write this. :)
Drunk Me - One Shot
"Kimberly Oliver?" A woman's voice called behind me. Looking up from the magazine in my lap, I looked over my shoulder at the receptionist at the front desk. Her eyes scanned the room until they landed on me, a polite and cheerful smile on her lips. Long red hair was pulled back in a ponytail at the back of her head and she wore a red scrub top. "Dr. Matthews will see you now."
"Thank you." I said, closing the magazine and setting it on the small table next to my seat before standing up. I put the strap of my purse over my shoulder as I walked through the waiting room over to the doorway where a nurse was waiting. It was relatively empty today, a couple of people waiting to be seen here. I was shocked with the raging flu season that was currently in full swing. Everyone I knew pretty much had it or some form of it, Tommy included. He had been home sick all week last week, missing school so he could ride the couch. They aren't kidding when they say men are big babies when they're sick. My husband was a hopeless loss cause at this point.
"Good morning. I'm Jennie." THe nurse said, her blonde hair cut short around her round face. She also wore a red scrub top, pants matching it. There was a chart in her hands and she signaled for me to walk through the doorway. I did, stepping to the side to allow her to lead me. I found myself standing in a short hallway, a turn to the left and a number of doors on each side. She walked forward, taking the left. I followed her, seeing there were more doors and another turn to the right halfway up the hallway. She stopped by a little alcove, pointing at a scale.
"Great." I muttered, setting my purse down on a chair next to the scale. I kicked my sneakers off and stepped on to it. The scale was electronic, the screen lit up with lines for a moment. It loaded before revealing 120 on the scale. I gaped in horror. That was almost fifteen more pounds than I was the last time I was weighed. Jesus, what the hell was I doing? I knew married life does that to you but I didn't think it happened only three months into the first year.
"Alright. I'm going to grabbed a sample from you really quick and then the doctor will see you in exam room 4." Jennie said, handing out a small plastic cup to me for urine. I was still a bit appalled by the number on the scale as I took it, stepping off the scale and shoving my feet back into my shoes. She gestured towards a bathroom kiddie corner from us and I grabbed my purse, ducking inside of the room. "Room four is two door that way, alright?" She said. I nodded, giving her a smile before shutting the door. The bathroom was small with just the bare necessities. There was a white sink, a matching toilet next to it. There was also a small window with a little shutter, a tray set up on the ledge. I unscrewed the top of my sample cup and yanked my tights down. Lining everything up right, I peed. The cup grew warm in my hand as it filled and I felt some get on my hands.
"Fuck." I whispered, pulling my hand out. I screwed the drop on, setting it on the sink. I grabbed a shit ton of toilet paper, wiping my hand and then myself. I pulled my tights back up and walked over to the sink. I scrubbed my hands under the hot water with soap that barely foamed before picking up my sample and setting it on the tray. I knocked on the window quickly before scurrying out of the room. I walked up the hall towards the direction that now missing Jennie had said, finding a room with the number 4 on the door. I stepped inside, shutting the door behind me.
Exam room 4 was a slightly bigger room than the bathroom. There was an examination table jutting from the corner across from me, a countertop next to it. There was a computer perched on there, a black top stool next to it. On the other side of the table, there were three arm chairs set up and a table with some magazines on it. I sat in the middle chair and set my bag down in the chair on my right.
Sighing, I leaned back in the chair. I wasn't quite sure why I was even here. When I woke up the other morning, I had the early stages of the flu. It didn't surprise me with Tommy having it. I stay home in bed all day and felt somewhat better the next day. This morning, however, I woke up sick again. Not to the point of staying home but enough where I was throwing up. Tommy insisted I go to the doctor to make sure I was alright and to hopefully get something to help me feel better. I was due to leave for my first cross country tour next week and I couldn't let the flu stop that from happening. Hopefully, I test negative and end up with some good meds to make me feel better quickly.
"Hello, Kim." A woman's voice said as the door opened. Shifting, I saw it was Dr. Matthews. She was an older woman, probably in her late forties, with greying brown hair that was braided down her hair. She wore a white lab coat over a pair of black slacks and a purple dress shirt, a stethoscope around her neck. She was holding a folder in her hand as she closed the door behind her. Reaching out, she shook my hand. "It's good to see you again."
"You too." I replied, giving her a smile.
"What's going on?" She asked, sitting on the stool across from me.
"Well, my husband had the flu last week and I woke up feeling a bit crappy these past few days. He thinks I should come down and get checked out." I explained.
"Right. Let's take a look here, shall we?" She opened the folder and leafed through the papers, reading whatever was written on in. She furrowed her brow for a moment before closing the folder. I wanted to swear. I hope that didn't mean I had the flu. It was the last thing I needed right now. "Well, Kimberly, I was going to send you for some blood work to test for the flu but I don't think that'll be necessary now. I don't believe you have the flu."
"Really? That's good. Do you think it's just a small little bug I caught or something like that?" I asked. She smirked.
"Something like that. You're pregnant."
For a moment, the entire world around me felt like it was melting away. My mind tried to wrap around the words that had just come from her mouth but they couldn't. I blinked, trying to focus on her face. She was smiling at me, like she was telling me this great and terrific news. Pregnant? How could that even be possible?
"What?" I whispered, shaking my head. "That can't be possible."
"I know you had some troubles with alcohol abuse in the past. Though that can affect fertility but it's only by like 20%."
"But I'm on birth control!" I exclaimed.
"I'm going to guess that you may have taken some kind of medicine that might have caused it to falter. It's not uncommon for that to happen. And the pill is only 98% effective. It could be possible that you and your husband happen to fall into that 2% of people." Just my fucking luck.
"I'm not ready for this." I breathed, running a hand through my hair. She leaned over and put her hand on my arm.
"I know this is big news. How about we get some blood work today and schedule a follow up tomorrow? Then, you can decide what you want to do." I gave her a small nod.
The next two hours were filled with me having a panic attack while waiting to get blood work done. Tommy called me twice in that time frame but I ignored his call each time, unsure of what on Earth I was going to say to him. I knew I wasn't ready for this. There was no way I could handle a baby. I was struggling to care for myself, barely two years sober. Now, I was just supposed to switch over into Mommy mode. I still have plenty of times where I think about drinking. I couldn't trust myself to not make that decision and somehow harm an innocent baby.
Once my blood work was finished, I made an appointment with Dr. Matthews office to come back tomorrow. She wanted to do some more tests and an ultrasound, making sure the baby and I were alright. The fact that the word baby was still being used to classify a part of my body made everything inside me buzz with anxiety. Dr. Matthews had given me some pamphlets on the way out and now that I was sitting in the front seat of my car, I decided to look at them. One was about parenting and what type of birth was right for you. The thought of a tiny human coming ripping out of my vagina made me want to hurl so I shoved that one back into my purse. The next was one about abortion. I instantly knew that wasn't an option. I'm not against abortion. It's something that sometimes needs to happen. I personally couldn't do it though. I put that one back in as well, leaving the last one in my lap.
Adoption. It was an idea. I knew there were a number of people out there that couldn't have children who adopted. Tommy himself was adopted, meeting his biological brother after I left for Florida. We could find a nice couple who are dying to have a baby and let them raise it. That way, I could give them the type of life they deserved with people who wouldn't fuck up nearly as much as me. But would Tommy agree to that? I know that it's my body but he still has an opinion in the matter. How could this happen? Was this some sick sad joke I was getting handed because of everything I put Tommy through?
"There you are." Tommy said as I walked through the front door of our house. He was sitting at our dining room table, student papers stacked in front of him across the surface of the mahogany piece of furniture. I closed the door behind me, kicking off my shoes and hanging my purse up on the coat rack to my right. I took a deep breath, closing my eyes before turning back to walk towards him. The soft red tones of our dining room made it feel warm and inviting, one of the main reasons we painted it this way. Standing here now though, I wished I was anywhere else in the world.
"Yeah. Sorry about not calling you back before." I said, leaning against the back of the chair that was directly across from him. "I was still at the doctor's appointment."
"For that long?" He asked, looking concerned. "Is everything alright? Did she say you have the flu?"
"No. I don't have the flu." I replied, my nails digging into the wood of the chair. "Tommy, I have to tell you something and you're going to panic. But it's okay because I already have it all planned out on how to fix it."
"You're really starting to freak me out now, Kim." He said, pulling the glasses off his face. He slid his chair back and stood up, walking towards me. "What did the doctor say? Are you really sick?"
"Tommy, I'm pregnant." I said, not looking up at him. "She wasn't sure how far along but she knew for sure I am. I have to go back tomorrow for some more testing. But you don't have to worry about any of this. I will figure it out. I already have an idea."
"Okay. Woah. Let's pause for a second, shall we?" He said, causing me to turn to look up at him. "You're pregnant?" I hesitated, unsure of what to do. Finally, I gave a small nod. He dropped his glasses to the table and a brilliant smile filled his face. He leaned forward and kissed me quickly, wrapping his arms around me in a tight hug. "That's amazing, Beautiful!" He exclaimed, pulling back so he could look down at me. "For a moment there, I thought you were going to say something was seriously wrong."
"There is." I replied, shocked that he seemed so happy by this. "There is no way we are ready to have a baby."
"What are you talking about? We both have secure jobs, we own our own home, and we have plenty of people around us to give us support when we need it." He stated.
"We've only been married for like a year and a half and I am a recovering alcoholic. We're former Power Rangers who basically have a target on our backs if anyone ever discovered who we really were. Our child would be at an even greater risk."
"Do you not want to have a baby?" He asked. I saw him think for a moment and he gazed down at me. "What did you mean before? When you said you had a plan to deal with it?" He let go of me and took a step back. "Are you thinking of ending your pregnancy?"
"No!" I exclaimed, shaking my head. "Absolutely not. But, I think we should strongly consider looking into adoption. IT's a great idea and we can do it privately with a well deserving couple-."
"We're a well-deserving couple!" He said loudly, almost yelling. "What makes you think I would ever agree to just give our child away, Kim? Why would you think that you would make such a horrible mother that we needed to send our kid away?"
"I can barely take care of myself!" I exclaimed, throwing my hands in the air. "Look where I was two years ago. What if that happens again? What if I end up drinking again and cause our baby to be born with some kind of condition that leaves them bedridden their entire lives? OR even worse, what if I drank so much it killed them? What if after they're born, I get drunk and they end up taking them away from us because I couldn't stop myself? How would you be able to look me in the eye and tell me you still love me if I caused that to happen? You wouldn't, that's how."
"Everyone is nervous when they find out about their first kid." He said. "I think you're overreacting. We aren't placing our baby up for adoption."
"I'm not overreacting!" I yelled, stomping my foot. "You don't understand. I'm too fucked up to have kids. Ever. I told you this before after we got married. It's not right of me to ruin their lives because I didn't know better. Well, now I know better. And I know well enough that it's pretty fucking stupid to think I will be capable to being a mother. You were adopted. You know how great it can be."
"Oh, yeah. It's so great. It's so great not knowing who you really are or where your real parents are. Or wondering why you weren't good enough for them to keep. Adoption is a good choice for those who have no other options. We do though. We are going to have this baby and raise them. I get that your scared. I do. But we can do this together." He reached for my hands but I yanked them from his reach.
"Scared? I am down right petrified! I know you think you can fix everything but you can't. It doesn't matter if you think we can handle this or not. I know I can. I am telling you right now that I am not going to be able to be any kind of mother to a baby. It doesn't matter how many times you tell me otherwise. If you can't respect the fact that I know my limits, that's on you. If you want, I'll carry the baby and you two can live together after. I'll leave."
"Do you even hear yourself right now?" Tommy asked, shaking his head. "It's a baby, Kim. Not a death sentence. You're being a bit ridiculous here. If Jason can manage to raise Annie by himself, I think we can handle this together."
"There's a difference between Jason and us. He didn't have a choice. I do."
"Oh no, you don't." Tommy said, grabbing my arm. "I get that times are different now and it's supposed to be a woman's choice but that is our child. We are in this together and we are making choices together." Tommy was looking at me with a hard expression, not one of authority or rage but rather one of putting his stance on things clear.
"How are you not getting what I'm saying? There would be no chance for this kid with me as a mother. I don't have one nurturing bone in my body. I can't even keep house plants alive. How the hell would a baby survive with me taking care of it?" Those tears welled in my eyes again. "I know you think I'm being selfish here but I'm not. I'm trying to prevent the worst life a baby could have from happening."
"When is your next appointment?" He asked, avoiding everything I had just said.
"Tomorrow."
"How about we go together tomorrow and talk to the doctor? We can get all the information and make any decisions from there, alright?" Reaching over, he grabbed both of my hands. "I get your worries, Kim. I do. But I think you would be a great mother. I've seen the way you are with Annie. Any kid would be lucky to have you as their mom. Will you please keep an open mind until then?"
"Yeah. Okay."
The rest of the night was awkward between the two of us. So awkward that Tommy elected to sleep on the couch to give me space. The next morning, we got ready separately and he waited for me in the car. The ride to the doctor's office was quiet and filled with tension. Now and then, I saw him looking at me and our glances would meet. He'd attempt a smile but it wasn't genuine. About two miles down the road, he reached over and grabbed my hand. Giving it a reassuring squeeze, I felt the nerves in my belly grow. I know what Tommy wanted me to say. He wanted me to suddenly change my mind and agree to have this baby. To say that we were going to be a happy little family. I wish it was true. I wish I could say that but I just couldn't. It would be a lie to say I could care for a baby. Something Tommy should have known.
Pulling into the parking lot of the medical center, Tommy parked the car and opened my door for me. I climbed out and together, we walked up the sidewalk to the front glass doors. The receptionist behind the desk pointed us towards the radiology wing, informing us that we were going to have an ultrasound first. It felt like heavy weights were on my feet as we walked up the white tiled hallway until we found a wooden door with radiology over it. Tommy pulled it open for me and I slipped in. We found ourselves in the small waiting room, chairs lined open along the walls and a reception window on the left side. There were a few people waiting here, flipping through magazines as they did. I walked over to the window and handed the girl behind the glass my insurance cards. She scanned them and then instructed me to sit down until my name was called. Tommy gestured towards an empty set of chairs in the far right corner. I nodded, sliding into one of the chairs. He sat next to me, letting out a quiet sigh as he did.
"Kimberly Oliver?" A man's voice called about ten minutes later. Glancing up from the Good Housekeeping magazine I was pretending to read, I saw an older guy standing in an open doorway. Tommy stood up, waiting for me. I led the way towards the man who was wearing dark grey scrubs. He smiled at me, opening the door wider to allow us entry. I stepped in, seeing a narrow hallway with a number of doors in it. Tommy grabbed my hand as the man shut the door. "Follow me. You're going to be in room 3." Turning, the man walked up the hall and stopped at a door with the number 3 on it. He pulled it open for us and we stepped in. There was a table, similar to the one in the doctor's office, next to a large machine. There were three chairs on either side of the table and a stool that was tall enough to reach the machine monitor. Reaching under the table, he pulled out paper gowns. He placed them on the table. "I need you to strip from the waist up. The doc will be in soon." With that, he smiled and left.
"Want me to step outside?" Tommy asked, shifting from foot to foot. I shook my head, setting my purse in one of the chairs.
"You are still my husband, Tommy." I said softly. I pulled my shirt and my bra off, pulling on the gown. It was light and thin, telling me it probably did little to cover me. I sat up on the table and leaned back against the pillow top. Tommy sat in the chair next to the top of the table.
"Kim, before anything happens, I just want to say I love you. No matter what, we can work through whatever comes our way." He took my hand in his and kissed the knuckles.
"I love you, too. Please don't get your hopes up, alright?" He nodded, opening his mouth to say something. He was interrupted by the door opening. Dr. Matthews walked in, smiling at Tommy first and then me. Behind her, a younger girl trailed in as well. She had long brown hair pulled back in a ponytail and red scrubs on, a name tag clipped to her waist.
"Hi, Kimberly. This must be your husband." Dr. Matthews said, reaching out a hand towards Tommy. He grabbed it, shaking it firmly.
"Nice to meet you." He said, forcing a smile.
"You too. Kimberly, this is my intern, Andrea. Is it alright if she shadows me while I do your ultrasound?" Dr. Matthews asked.
"Yeah." I replied, nodding. "It's fine."
"Thank you." Andrea said. Dr. Matthews walked over and turned the monitor for the machine on. I heard it buzz as it slowly lit up. She grabbed a tub of gel on the side of the machine and turned to me.
"Sorry if the gel is cold. I ask them to keep it where it can get warm but no one listens to me." She sighed, pulling the bottom of my gown up. "Andrea, when you get to this part, always make sure to apply enough to cover the area but not too much." She said over her shoulder. She opened the cap of the bottle and squeezed, a squirt of the gel landing on my skin near my belly button. It was cold and I jumped slightly. She grabbed the wand for the ultrasound and rubbed the gel onto the lens part of it, smearing the gel across my abdomen. The screen was lit up now and she shifted so she could see it as she moved the wand.
"You're doing good." Andrea said, giving me a supportive smile. I haven't done anything yet, I thought, giving her a nod.
"Alright. So, we're going to scan the uterus and see what we can see. Kim, I'm going to guess that you're about six or seven weeks along. The sac is about that size. The uterus looks good from this angle as well." Dr. Matthews said, digging the wand into my gut. She pressed some buttons on a keyboard, typing now and then. "I'm taking measurements. It's how we can tell if the baby is growing correctly at your follow up appointments. Typically, we ask for ultrasounds every few weeks in the beginning to make sure everything is okay. Then we change to every two weeks, then one week. It just makes sure the baby is growing the way it should be." She asked to both Andrea and me. "How about we flipped this so you guys can see too?" She said, shifting the monitor so that it was facing towards us.
On the screen, all I could see was grey and black mush. As she moved, it would change shape and she would stop to type something in. Tommy grabbed my hand again, leaning in to see better. He looked fascinated and I knew he was thrilled about seeing our baby. A feeling of disappointment filled my chest. I was going to be letting him down like always. I held back tears as I stared at the screen, wishing this was different and that I could be happy.
"Let's hear the heartbeat, shall we?" Dr. Matthews said. She flipped a switch and there was an odd muffled sound coming from the back of the monitor. "Let's find it stronger." She moved the wand and a little beating noise filled the room. "There we are." She said, smiling at me. It was beating fast, almost matching the one that was in my chest. My eyes widened as I listened to the sound of the heart. The beating heart of my baby, sitting inside of me. There was another beating as well, mixing in with the first one.
"Are there two?" I whispered. She shook her head.
"Nope. That's your heartbeat. They are very similar." She replied. "Give me your hand." She took my other hand and placed it on the wand. She released and pulled her hand back, leaving me to hold it in place. The continuing beat of the hearts persisted on. "Hold it right there. Andrea and I will step out so the two of you can have a moment, alright?" She stood from the stool and guided Andrea out of the room. I couldn't bring my eyes to look away from the monitor where I now saw my uterus and the outline of a small round object in it.
"That's our baby." I whispered, turning to Tommy. It was then when I noticed the tears in his eyes. One slid down his cheek as he nodded, glancing at me. Something in my chest cracked as I turned back to the screen. Our hearts continued to beat together, sounded like a unified drumline. Together. Like they were the same. We were the same. They were a part of me like they were a part of Tommy.
"It sounds beautiful." He whispered, gripping my hand again.
"I want them." I said, shifting to look at him. "I want them to be here with us." His eyes widened.
"Are you sure?"
"No. But, how can I be? That baby is you and me. There's no way I can just give up on them now." I looked back at the screen. "I haven't even met them yet and I want to die for them."
"I love you." Tommy said, standing and kissing me on the lips.
"I love you, too. As long as you're here, I can do this."
"Always."
9 months later…
Crap, I thought, seeing a can of shaving cream fall out of the bag I was carrying into the kitchen. It hit the floor and rolled to the left a couple of feet, coming to a stop. I set the rest of the bags on the counter and glared down at the can. Bending, I tried to reach it but the protruding bulge that was my stomach stopped me. I tried again, groaning as I reached for it. It skimmed through my fingers slightly before rolling a couple inches mockingly. Swearing, I kicked it with my foot towards the kitchen doorway. I couldn't wait until I was able to bend over or see my toes again. It had been a while, to the point I forgot what they looked like.
In the past nine months, things hadn't always been easy. Tommy and I had some major fights along the way from the way we were going to raise our baby to finding out the gender. He wanted to know but I didn't, choosing to not personify the baby until that day. In the back of my mind, I knew there was still a chance I would back out on the day they came. I didn't want to chance us getting too attached if that was the case. And if I thought Tommy was a bit overprotective before, it was nothing compared to what he was now. I could barely go to the store without him asking if he needed to help me with anything. He was getting under my skin, something that was easy to do these days. That's why when he said he had a training conference a couple hours away, I was looking forward to the private time away from him. I still loved him with all my heart but a girl needs a break now and then. It was bad enough I had a tiny human growing in me. I didn't need him hovering around me as well.
It took some heavy convincing to get him to go. He was worried that he would miss something or that there would be a situation I would need him. It was cute that he worried but I knew I would be fine. Regardless, he made a schedule of who would be responsible for me and at what intervolves while he was gone. Currently, it was Jason's turn. He had called me this morning to tell me he'd be over shortly and that he'd be bringing Annie with him. I tried to tell him it was unnecessary but he knew that Tommy's wrath would be fierce if he didn't. In any regard, I was thrilled to see my goddaughter. She was a regular occurrence around here these days and I was excited to see the chubby cheeks of the two year old that looked more and more like Trini with each passing day.
Grabbing the grocery bag, I pulled it open and took out the tub of ice cream from inside. Walking to the fridge, I opened the freezer door and shoved it in there. As I turned to head back to the counter, I felt a cramp hit me in the stomach. I gasped, grabbing it. It was Braxton Hicks. I could tell from the way it radiated through my midregion to the back side. I leaned over the counter and breathes through my nose and out of my mouth, waiting for it to pass. A couple seconds later, it did. Standing up straight, I grabbed the bag and moved on to the next objects.
My pregnancy has been typical. My due date is next week and I felt like I looked similar to that of the Goodyear blimp, regardless of how much Tommy calls me beautiful. All of my test results have been great and there hasn't been an issue yet. My baby shower was three weeks ago and everything was set up in the nursery upstairs across from our bedroom. We had everything we needed for a baby except a baby, And that was the part that was giving me growing anxiety. Tommy might be convinced everything was going to be okay but my doubts still flew around me like elephants.
Opening the cabinet doors over the sink, I piled three cans of beans in there. Lifting the last one, the pain came back. The can clattered to the floor as I bent over. The pain was intense, filling my entire body. These were some serious Braxton-Hicks, making me feel nauseous. I gripped the sink and closed my eyes. I've been having these for the last two weeks, the pain coming and going whenever it felt the need. It was nothing too serious, just severe cramps that would pass. It was more annoying than anything in my mind but they made Tommy uneasy. When he left yesterday, he told me to call him if they came on. I knew calling him would only make him worry for no reason. I was going to ride through these without issue.
The pain ebbed away, allowing me to stand up straight. I moved to step towards the living room when the pain slammed into me again, this time sending me to my knees. I cried out loud, gripping my stomach. It was like fire, the cramping seizing my entire body. This was different now, I realized. I held my arm out, trying to reach the counter but I couldn't. A sharp wave of pain washed over me and I curled into a ball, holding my stomach. Phone. I needed to get to the phone.
Waiting until the pain faded slightly, I straightened out as much as my body would allow and crawled forward. The diamond shape of the tiles in the kitchen dug into my knees, causing me to wince. I was halfway to the island when the next round hit me. I fell to my side, crying loudly as it felt like a saw cutting through me. Tears clouded my eyes as I rolled onto my back. A sudden gush of warm between my thighs made me gasp loudly. Propping myself up, I saw that my jeans were getting darker, liquid filling the fabric. To my horror, I saw that there was blood following it as well. During our birthing classes, they had said I would see liquid like water when my water broke but no blood. I thought of every movie I had ever seen where there was an issue with the baby. Panic now set into the pit of my stomach.
"HELP!" I called out, hoping that someone could hear me outside. My hands were shaking as I laid back again. Another contraction hit and I swore loudly, the baby moving frantically inside. "It's okay." I panted, rubbing my belly. "It's okay." I glanced around, looking for anything that can help me get to my phone. I could see the strap of my purse falling over the edge of the counter, my phone tucked into the front pocket. Putting my feet on the ground, I pushed with my thighs. I moved slightly, the wet jeans sticking to the tile floor. My sneakers slipped in the slick mixture of blood and fluid. I tried to get my footing again but another contraction slammed into me. My stomach constricted and I dug my heels into the floor, trying to make the pain go away. My elbow whacked into the door of the oven that loomed over me. Reaching up, I grabbed the handle of the oven and pulled with all my weight in hopes of pulling myself up. It opened and flung me back to the floor with a painful thud. A sob escaped my lips as laid there, staring up at the ceiling.
"Hello?" Jason's voice called up the hallway. I heard the door shut and felt the vibration of it through the floor. Relief filled me as I heard him set something down on the floor near the door.
"Jason!" I cried out. I heard his quick footsteps come up the hallway and he appeared in the doorway, Annie in his arms. His eyes widened at the sight of me laying there, blood pooling around my waist. Running over, he set Annie down in the highchair in the corner before rushing to me. He knelt on the floor and held my head in his hand.
"We're gonna get you help, okay?" He said, grabbing his phone from the back pocket of his jeans. He dialed quickly before bringing the phone to his ear. "I need an ambulance."
The ambulance arrived and the paramedics wasted no time in loading me up into the vehicle. Aisha had arrived by then, taking Annie so Jason could ride in the back of the ambulance with me. The contractions were coming closer now and each time, I squeezed Jason's hand. The sirens wailed as the ambulance sped away from my house. The paramedic in the back of the ambulance, a woman a few years younger than me, placed an oxygen mask over my mouth and nose. I pushed it away, turning to Jason.
"Did you get ahold of Tommy?" I asked. Jason shook his head. He had called Tommy after 911 but he hadn't answered. He left him a voicemail, telling him to get back as soon as possible.
"Not yet. I will though. He'll be there." He reassured me, patting my hand. He pulled the mask on me and I didn't protest, closing my eyes as we rode to the hospital. When we arrived, a nurse and Dr. Matthews met us right at the emergency room doors. They unloaded the gurney from the ambulance and Dr. Matthews smiled at me as she helped wheel me towards the double doors.
"Leave it to you to be early, Kim." She said, holding the rails of the bed. I let out a weak laugh, sweat pouring down my face and neck. I felt weak, very weak. I hadn't even done any pushing yet.
"Gotta keep you on your toes." I said. We went through another set of doors and they took a left turn towards the elevators.
"That you do. We're going to get you up to the room and examine what's going on. Are you having contractions?" She asked.
"Every two minutes." Jason replied, reminding me he was standing at the head of my bed. He had met Dr. Matthews a few weeks ago, after Tommy found out about the business trip. It was just in case something like this happened. My mind went to Tommy again. He wasn't going to make it, I thought.
"That's a good sign! I think baby Oliver is ready to make their appearance." She said, the elevator doors opening. We piled in, everyone cramming around me. Another contraction came and she held my hand through it, panting coming from me as I tried not to scream. "Keep breathing. Just like that. You're doing good." She said, assuring me. It faded away and I collapsed back on the bed.
"Jason, you need to get Tommy." I whimpered, closing my eyes.
"I'm going to, Kimmy. I promise." He replied. The doors opened and I was wheeled off again, this time going right. I was placed into a room and transferred into an actually hospital bed. Dr. Matthews and a nurse helped me change from my clothes into a hospital gown and then she hooked up monitors to me. All the while, the baby was moving inside of me. Each contraction made them wiggle more and it made me calm slightly each time.
"Alright. Let's take a look." Dr. Matthews said, bending my kneels before wheeling a stool over to sit between them. A nurse stood behind her, helping hold my legs still. I gasped as I felt her fingers go up into a place a baby was trying to escape from. It burned like a bitch and I fought the urge to yank them out. Jason stood uncomfortably at the head of my bed, doing his best not to look at what she was doing. She shifted her fingers and I thought I was going to fly through the ceiling before she took them out.
"Is everything okay?" I asked. Dr. Matthews didn't smile as she took her gloves off. She threw them into the garbage bin labeled medical waste. She leaned into to say something to the nurse who nodded and walked out.
"Kim, I'm not going to lie to you, okay? I'm pretty sure you're having a placental abruption. It's something that can happen before birth when the water breaks." She said, resting a hand on my knee.
"What does that mean? Is the baby going to be okay?" I asked, worry sinking into me all over again.
"They will be but we need to remove the baby as soon as possible. If not, both of you are at risk. I'm going to get the rest of my team together and we will get you up to surgery right away."
"But Tommy isn't here yet!" I exclaimed, glancing back over at Jason who looked more anxious now. "I can't go in there without him being here. What if…" I trailed off.
"Keep trying to reach him but the longer we wait, the more risk there is." She patted my leg before leaving the room. Jason paced at the foot of my bed, his cell phone in hand. He brought it to his ear and listened for a minute. He swore, pressing buttons on it again and bringing it to his ear. Nothing.
"I'll get him." He said, giving me a reassuring smile.
"Come here, Jason." I said, waving him over. He stepped closer and I grabbed his hand. "If something happens to me while I'm there-."
"Don't." He said, shaking his head. "You're going to be fine."
"You need to listen to me. If things go bad in there, I need you to tell Tommy I love him and that he was right. Having this baby was the best decision I ever made in my life, after being with him. Cause with how much I didn't want it to happen, all I can think about is how much I need for it to happen and for them to be okay. If I don't make it but they do, please help Tommy take care of them." Jason reached out and took my hand in his.
"You're going to be okay." He said but I could see a fine mist in his eyes that he tried to blink away. "Someone has to hang around to make sure us assholes stay in line. Aisha can't do it alone again." I smiled, letting out a soft chuckle.
"I'll do my best." The door of my room opened and Dr. Matthews appeared again, two nurses with her. Jason leaned over and kissed the top of my head before stepping out of the way. The nurses unhooked me for the other monitors and unlocked the bed.
"We're going to head down to the OR and get things going." Dr. Matthews said. "We're having troubles getting yours and the heart rate of the baby up."
"Please save them." I whispered. "Please save my baby."
"We're going to do whatever we can to save you both." She said, smiling at me. The nurses pushed me into the hallway and headed towards a long stretch of hall. In the distance, I could hear the sound of sneakers slapping the tile floor.
"Kimberly!" Tommy's voice called out. I pulled myself up, looking over the top of the bed. He was standing in the doorway by my room.
"Tommy!" I yelled. His frantic eyes turned towards us and he sprinted forward. The nurse on the left of me shifted, allowing Tommy to appear next to me. He was panting, out of breath from running here.
"I'm here. I'm here. What's going on?" He asked.
"There's something going on with the placenta." I said, grabbing his hands. "They think something is wrong with the baby and me." He looked worried for a second but hid it before I could say anything.
"Well, you're a fighter and god knows our baby will be too." He kissed my hand and smiled, helping push my bed towards a set of double doors.
"You'll need to wait here, Tommy." Dr. Matthews said. Tommy nodded, our group coming to a stop.
"I'll be there when you wake up, okay?" He said, kissing my forehead and brushing the hair out of my face. "This might be the most sleep you get in a long time so enjoy it."
"I'm scared." I whispered, gazing up at him. "Are you?"
"More than ever, Beautiful. Come back to me. I'll be right here waiting for you and our little one. I love you."
"I love you too." He kissed me quickly before they rolled me through the doors and out of sight.
The throbbing in my head confused me at first. Had I been out drinking? The last thing I could recall was sitting at the bar with Joey. Now, all I could piece together was darkness and the dull ache in my entire body. And the eternal pounding. What the hell was that? I tried to blink it away but found my eyes were too heavy to open. Exhaustion racked my entire body. Shit. I guess I had done quite the rager last night. This was probably the hangover hitting me that I more than deserved.
After a few moments, I was finally able to open my eyes. The bright light that was there when I did shot pain right through every molecule of my body. It was extremely bright and hanging right above me, unlike any type of sunlight that came through my window. I shifted my head to avoid it, closing my eyes again. Under my head, I heard the rustling of thin pillow cases moving as I did. I wasn't home, that's for sure. I finally braved another look and opened my right eye. I saw I was in a room painted with light blue paint and white trim, a sink on one wall and a bathtub built into the other. A bathtub? What the hell? Was this some kind of smaller hotel room?
When the sight of a changing table in the corner of the room caught my eye, it suddenly felt like there was a flood in my brain. Everything came back to me; Tommy, us being together, us being pregnant. I was here having the baby after I collapsed on the floor. Panic filled my chest as I tried to sit up. The IV in my hand pinched, showing me I was attached to the tall silver pole next to my bed. There was a soreness between my legs that made me gasp for a second but I was more concerned about finding Tommy and the baby. Had they been alright? Had they been able to save them?
"You're away." A voice said as the door on the left side of the room opened. Tommy stuck his head inside, following with his body. He was carrying a cup of coffee in one hand and a balloon in the other. Setting both of these things down, he walked over and kissed the top of my head. Patting my hair back, he smiled as he sat on my bed. "I was afraid I'd never see those big beautiful brown eyes again."
"What happened?" I whispered, my voice hoarse.
"They took you to surgery. It was a little touch and go for a little bit but Dr. Matthews managed to repair the damage caused by the placenta rupturing." Tommy explained, holding my hand. It didn't take me long to realize there was no baby in the room. If there was no baby in here, it must have meant that they didn't make it out of that OR room alive.
"Did they die?" I whispered, tears clouding my eyes. Tommy looked at me confused, like there was someone else I should be talking about.
"What are you talking about?" He asked.
"The baby. Where's the baby?" I shot back, sitting up in my bed. Tommy stood up, smiling at me.
"Hold on." He disappeared out the door again, causing my anxiety to go through the roof while I laid here. Three minutes later, he returned. Only this time, he was pulling a little cart behind him. Letting the door close behind him, he turned so I could see the little bundle wrapped in a pink hospital gown. I gasped, my eyes wide at the sight of our daughter laying there. "She was getting her feeding in the nursery." He cooed, reaching in and picking up the sleeping baby. He walked over towards me and I felt tears in my eyes. Carefully, Tommy bent and placed her in my arms. She barely moved, choosing to slip into a food coma after eating.
"She's perfect." I whispered, gazing down at her. I could see some of my features on her face. We had the same nose and it twitched in her sleep like mine. The rest of her was all Tommy though. From the shape of his face down to the length of her long eyelashes. Everything about her was Tommy. I hugged her into my chest, letting out a little sob as I did. Closing my eyes, I let the tears flow. How on Earth had we managed to make such a perfect little human? How could I, a recovering alcoholic who was destined to be a forever fuck up, be the mother of this little bundle of joy? It couldn't be possible. The universe didn't work that way.
"You okay, beautiful?" Tommy whispered, running a hand over my hair. I opened my watery eyes and nodded, not wanting to wake her up. Tommy sat on the edge of the bed next to me and rested a hand on her back. "They came out and told me that the baby was fine but they were afraid you were too close too gone. You lost a lot of blood. They were able to stop it though and stabilize you. I'm grateful. I couldn't imagine raising this little one without you."
"Before they put me under, all I could think about was how much I wanted her or him to be alright. And how much I would be willing to give for them to have a life here. I was so scared that they weren't going to make it. I couldn't believe how much I love someone I didn't even know." I said softly, kissing the top of my daughter's head. "I was stupid for thinking that she would be better off with other people. I never should have thought about giving her away. You were right, Tommy."
"You had the right to be cautious. It meant you cared. I'm glad you decided to go this route." He smiled, leaning in to kiss me. "There is one thing we still need to do though."
"What's that?" I asked, looking at him confused.
"This little one needs a name. Not that I don't mind Baby Girl Oliver but I think she deserves a better name than that."
"Oh!" I gazed down at her and took in her face, the soft rosy skin on her cheeks. She smelled sweet and felt warm against my skin. "How about Trini Hope Oliver?" I asked, glancing up at Tommy. He smiled, nodding as he stroked the top of her head.
"I think it's perfect." Trini's nose crinkled and her eyes opened slowly, one at a time. Giant doe eyes blinked up at me, the orbs reminding me of me. She stared for a moment before snuggling back into me, falling back asleep.
"This is something I never could have imagined happening. Not even drunk me." I whispered. "And now, it's all I've ever wanted."
