Chapter 12: Trying to Live

October 2009

Olympus

I screamed as Jason rockets off high into the night sky so suddenly. I throw my arms around his neck tightly and wraps my legs around his waist, I'm practically clingy to him as a child, he's laughing right in my ear. I don't know long he keeps a fast pace, eventually, the air around settles into a gentle breeze.

"You can open your eyes now, and you don't have to hold on so tight," Jason joked with a chuckle.

I didn't realize I had close my eyes, so I slowly pry them open and loosen my legs from his waist. I'm shocked by how close his face is to mine that I let go of him completely, completely forgetting that we're high in the sky. And so I plummet to my death and I can say confidently say that falling is so much worse.

"Woah! Okay, it's okay. I got you!" Jason yelled at me as I feel him catch me. "Let try this again. Don't let go of me this time."

I gasp for air, my head was spinning. I think I might be sick; this is not going to end well. I painfully slowly open my eyes, staring right into the eyes of Jason. He holding me up bridal style, and my cheeks start to feel warm.

"Thanks for saving my life," I whispered breathlessly, I can hear my heart beating fast.

"It was no problem. Wouldn't want your dad coming after me for endangering the life of his favorite daughter," He said to me frivolously.

"Yeah that wouldn't end well," I joked back, as I finally look around our surroundings. I have never been this physically close to the clouds, they just look like clutters of mist, to be honest. But with all the stars and the moon, it does look beautiful.

"Woah," I exhaled.

"I know," He whispered. "I'm going to let go of your legs now, but still hold on to me."

He gently releases my legs, my arms still supporting his shoulders. It feels so strange to hand nothing underneath my feet. I know it's going to be a mistake, but I still look down. Olympus looks so far away; it just looks like a glowing sphere.

"Try to stand," he said, he's crazy. Absolutely insane. He laughed at my expression. "Trust me, you can still hold on to me if you don't."

I stared skeptically but I do as he said. I let go of his shoulder, slowly lowering myself, I'm almost about to host myself my back but then I feel it. A stiff surface underneath my feet. I look down quickly, only to find the same view from before.

"How?" I looked at him confused.

"I'm just focusing on the air beneath you, hardening it. Pretty cool, huh?"

"Cool, it's like walking on glass. Except there's no glass." I said joyfully and he laughed with me.

"I can do more than this. Wanna fly with me?" Jason told me with a smirk, I bit my lip in excitement and nodded eagerly.


Things got worse after that's night. That dream. Nightmare after nightmare plunges my mind into fear and panic. I don't know if the nightmares were his doing or my known, I haven't heard from him since that night. Hasn't appeared in my nightmares or spoken to me. But I know he is in my head, lurking somewhere I can't see or feel him. He's inside me, it may be a small amount but he is still there in mind. And that's what makes it worse. Knowing that's he inside my head. Haunting me for the rest of my life. Will I lose control as Luke did? Will he one day grow strong enough that I will need to kill me just like Luke.

I stopped going to school, it would have been pointless anyway. I don't think I'll be able to focus on anything. I'm exhausted, and I just want to sleep.

A worried and confused Nico constantly stayed at my side, bringing tea for my throat. Or sleeping pills, even if it was useless. Food, that he practically begs me to eat. After not showing up at school for two days, Mike and Jessica showed up. Ran in once they heard my screams from the driveway. They've practically moved in, only occasionally going to their own respective homes.

Days are easier than nights, in the sense that's I manage to get a little more sleep. Still weak, Kronos is asleep throughout the day. The nights while

They don't know what's wrong. I haven't had the guts to tell them. Telling them makes it real, and I don't want it to be real. They haven't asked what's wrong, mainly because there's no point in asking. Things are bad again. Worse than before. I'm not okay.

It's been raining a lot lately, but I think it's just around my house.

And like every morning for the past two weeks, I wake up by my screaming. Heart racing as I gingerly try to sit. The clock on my nightstand read 2:46 am. A tired Jessica came in as I wiped away my tears, it's her turn tonight. There are clear dark shadows underneath her eyes.

"I'm sorry," I whispered hoarsely as she sat down in front of me. "You guys should go home. There's no reason for all of us to be sleep-deprived."

"And leave here you all alone? That's out of the question," she took my hand and squeezed it gently. "Even we do lose a little sleep. We stick together."

I hang my head as more tears began to fall down my face. Heavy sobs escape my lips and I cover my mouth in an attempt to stop them. Or at least cover them. With my eyes shut, I just feel when Jessica wrapping her arms around me. Gently massaging my skull, I love it when she did that and began to sing Lavender's Blue softly to me. Eventually lulling me back to sleep.

I woke up again at four, screaming, crying, and a few seconds later, Jessica walked back in.

"I think..." I began softly one Saturday morning and the chatter among my guests stops. I could feel their attentive stare on me, while my eyes stayed on the cup of tea. Steam curled as it rose from the hot liquid. "It's time to go back to school tomorrow. "

A minute passed in silence, I didn't have to look up to know what they did. They shared a look, a quick and private conversation.

"Are you sure?" Mike asked me.

"No," I answered truthfully. "But I don't want to stay at home anymore. Feels like I'm hiding. And I can't hide forever."

"No one forcing you to go back. Everyone at schools thinks you're in a hospital in Seattle."

"What? Why would they think that?" I questioned Jessica, who began squirm under my stare.

"Well, I kinda panic when people started asking where you were, and I didn't know how long you were going to be missing. So I made up a story of how you were riding a horse...in Seattle with your dad...and-d that you had an accident. Hit your head bad...and fell into a c-coma."

I blinked furiously as my mind attempted to grasp the information that Jessica threw at me.

"W-what? How...Did they all believe that?" My question burst out in confusion and shock.

"Some yes, but then Mike called from a burner phone, impersonated your dad, and told the principal about what happened. Mr. Sanders announced you during lunch."

"Wow, that's...um...wait! You impersonated my dad?!" I turned to Mike unnaturally quickly.

"Dude yes! You should've seen him, he was shaking like a chihuahua. Almost peed himself!" Jessica hollered out and for the first time in nearly three weeks, I burst out in laughter. Nico let out a chuckle while he took a sip of juice.

"I did not almost pee myself!" Mike argued, slamming his hand down on the table. The gesture made me giggle more.

"Oh, so you were shaking like a chihuahua then?" Nico countered with a smirk. I choked suddenly and covered my mouth to masked it. Mike's face froze for a brief second before it turned bright pink.

"What?... I was not... why would...," Mike stuttered. "Shut up okay!"

We all let out howls of laughter at that. Tears gather at the end of the eyes, this time out of laughter. My throat hurt, but it is a good way. My body shook, but not out of terror. It felt as if I waking up for the first time in weeks.

"Wait...now I have to hear it!" I demanded breathlessly.

"No! Absolutely not!" Mike protested.

"C'mon! Do it at least once for her!" Jessica shoved his arm. They argue for a bit more before Mike finally settled on doing it only once for me.

Clearing his throat, and sitting a bit straighter, he spoke in a lower and deeper voice that's didn't resemble my father at all. "Mr. Sanders, this is Isabella's father."

Laughter once again erupted out my mouth as listened to Mike's awful impersonation. So badly that I snorted, which caused another round of laughs from everyone.

"That's sounds nothing like him! How did he believe that!" I choked out.

"Well, it certainly helped that Mr. Sanders is 70 years old, with really bad hearing and a horrible memory," he admitted with a chuckle. "Thank the gods, that that man did not retire!"

"Well, I guess it will good enough. You'll have to call again on Monday, tell him that woke up from my coma over the weekend. I should be back at school by Wednesday. And I will be present when you call this time. I don't want to miss seeing you shake like a chihuahua." I smirked before taking a sip of the tea.

"Oh, my gods! It wasn't even that bad!" Mike protested childishly.


The rest of the weekend was incredible, the rain had finally stop permitting the sun to shine brightly. Everything looks amazing outside my windows, the kind of view that one would naturally enjoy and appreciate after endless rain. It was as if I seeing the world with new eyes. Not single thought or cry was spent on Kronos for the next few days.

It wasn't that I accept the idea of having to deal with Kronos inside my head forever. It was more of a begrudgingly resign to the fact that he is here to stay. He may be very weak, even speaking to me seem to have taken a lot of energy to form a conscious. That could be a reason why he hasn't made any more appearances. It may be weeks or even months before I have to deal with him again. Which makes me all the more glad.

Thus my nights were somewhat normal again, unpleasant dreams but nothing too horrible. I was finally able to sleep through the entire night after Sunday. So when Wednesday came, I was more rested than I had been in while.

"Good morning," I started with a small skip to my step and a forced smile.

"Never seen you this excited about going to school," Nico said with a mouthful of food.

"I'm not, just faking it," I told him with a huff. "Just going to the motions. Hoping it starts to feel real. And maybe I'll feel…happy."

"I don't think you should. Our emotions shouldn't be forced or pushed to the side, we only end up hurting ourselves." He told me quietly in a sober tone. His eyes locked with eyes, unwavering, they held so much emotion and pain.

"Are you okay?" I couldn't help but ask him. I settled on the chair next to him and waited for him to speak.

"Someday I will be," he simply said. My mouth began to form my next question but he stood up to take his plates to the sink. "I'm going to head out today. Going to head back to camp. Or my dad's place."

"Are you sure? There's no rush for you to leave, you know I love having you here."

I wanted to ask him about what he meant but decided no the push him. He'll tell me when he's ready if he ever was.

"I know but I'm sure Chiron is wondering where I've been. I think it's time I show my face there."

With nothing else to say, I just said, "Okay. Come visit anytime you want."

He waved me off as I drove away, a small and gentle smile on his face was the last thing I saw. The drive to school was silent, too nervous, and anxious to even play music. My stomach churned and twisted like a vine as I got closer to the school. I almost turn the car around as I pulled up to the parking spot.

I jumped at a loud slam on the window, Mike annoyingly grinning from the other side. Rolling my eyes at him as I turned off the car and got out.

"Ready?"

"Nope." I slammed the door a little harder than necessary.

"Oh well, no turning back now," he said leaning against my car.

"Where's Jessica?" I mirrored his position and observed as the parking lot continued to fill. My attention has peaked when some very familiar cars rode in.

"Here she comes." Mike nudge as Jessica came running to us.

"Hi," she said a bit breathlessly. "Forgot to print this. I was halfway to school when I remember. So I had to turn back. Here you go."

I took the paper from her, a doctor's note.

"This looks so real," I commented as I looked over the note.

"It is," Jessica stated causing me to snap up. "I called in a favor with a sister in Seattle. Doctor."

"Thank you," I said with a grin. "To both of you. I honestly have no idea what I would have done without you two."

"We're family, it's what we do," Mike said and a shrug. "But a pizza party would be nice."

Jessica groaned loudly. "You just had to ruin the moment. Are you always thinking about food?"

"Not always… just most of the time," Mike remarked with a snark.

And with that Mike and Jessica fell into a hole of bickering that I couldn't even get them to stop. So I did the only knew when they got like this and just walked away.


"It's been a while since I last saw you," Alice said brightly sitting down next to me. And with her bright gold eyes, a new wave of terror ran through my body. A constant reminder of the unwanted guest in my head.

"Yeah, I had an accident," I told her, my voice shook slightly. Almost possible not to notice it, but I was talking to Alice Cullen.

She hummed in response as the smile drop. "I heard, you've fallen off a horse in Seattle. Must have been horrible."

"It was," I responded nodding. Her eyes were filled with curiosity and doubt, it was clear that she did not believe that story. Not that I thought any member of the Cullen family would believe that lie.

"Must have been a real wild horse," she noted under her breath.

"You wouldn't believe me," I muttered in return before I turned my attention to the class. Putting a definite end to our conversation.

The rest of class went relatively the same way, the teacher would welcome me back to school. Often following up with a poor joke about how should stay away from horses, learning my lesson, and how nasty hospital food was. When I didn't laugh and frown instead they would blush awkwardly and cover their jokes with a cough before telling what I missed. Seeing them flustered and stutter was very entertaining.

It was almost like the first day, people stared and whisper about me as I walked down the hall. Just as I was barely starting to fade out into the background, the spotlight was on me again. I couldn't stand it, made my skin itch with uneasiness.

I didn't even bother going into the cafeteria, I wouldn't be able to stand the noise and chatter in the cafeteria. So I walk to woods on the outskirts of the school property, to the quiet, where I can breathe. There's a tree with big roots to sit on, resting my head on its trunk, I close my eyes. And everything was perfect. For like a second.

"Bella?"

I snap me of the tree to find Edward walking towards me, with a face is full of concern. A pair of golden eyes set on mine.

"What are you doing here," My voice cracked, my lips trembled as he came closer and closer.

"I came to make sure if you were is okay," His voice is full of concern. "Are you?"

I shook my head, scared that if I open mouth I'll start sobbing again. The pain in my heart was so heavy that it hurt to breathe.

He came to sit down next to me, and without saying a word, took my hand in his. His hands were so cold that I gasp from the contact, but I didn't let him go, instead, I held on tighter. Edward doesn't say a word, only sits there with me, in silence, and held my hand.

And that made all difference to me. With his thumb rubbing my hand, bringing me only a small amount of ease. Yet it felt strange, to feel this level of comfort from a man I barely know. To allow me to be comforted by a guy that I wanted to kill from the moment I laid my eye on. It was all sorts of confusing if I was being honest with myself.

"Lunch will be over soon, we should head back," he told me quietly.

I nodded shakily and inhale deeply to control myself. Edwards waited patiently, silently as I attempted pulled myself together. With one large exhale, I finally stood on shaking legs. And with Edward stepping along with me, we head back inside the school, not saying a word to each other the entire way.

Luckily the walk back school was long enough for me to compose myself. Edward walked in synch with me the entire way, eyes and whispers followed us the moment we stepped inside. I hurriedly headed towards my seat, mumbling an 'I'm fine' to a concerned Mike. The bell rang the moment I sat down and so I forced myself to focus on the words spewing out of Mr. Banner's mouth. What in the Hades is an ionic bond?

"Do you feel better ?" Edward's voice rang quietly, only for me to hear.

"Yes, much better. Thank you for asking," I kept my voice steady, formal. "I also want to thank you for checking up on me. I know I wasn't exactly pleasant to be around. I receive very unpleasant news."

"That's what friends are for, to be there for each other," He said simply. "If it not too forward to ask, what was the unpleasant news you receive?"

"I can't tell you," I told him in a sharp tone.

What kind of friendship is this? A friendship based on secrecy. Always having to be careful how much I can tell, restricting myself every time I'm around him and his family. My life will always be too much to share, preventing me from ever having a normal life and friends.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to overstep," He apologized quickly, his tone full of remorse. And as much I wanted to deny that I didn't, I felt guilty. But only slightly, like ten percent. Maybe fifteenth.

"No, you're not overstepping." I signed, finally turning to look at him. His gold eyes make me flinch, they're just a reminder that Kronos is living inside me. My skin crawled with disgust and hatred. "I just haven't even told Mike or Jessica. Not even my brother, who I tell everything, or my parents. No one knows."

We went silent as Mr. Banner walked past us. Out of the corner of my eye, I see Edward slide a piece of paper over to me. And I don't know why but it brought a small grin to my face. Once Mr. Banner returned to the front of the classroom, I quickly slid the note underneath my textbook. I opened it when Mr. Banner was turned towards the board and began to write something.

Is it a life and death situation?

It could be.

I glance up to make sure Mr. Banner isn't looking and slide the paper back to him. He scowled at the paper so intently as if he wanted to burn it. Fisting his hands on the table surface. Grabbing his pen so tightly that I feared it would break, he wrote out his response.

What makes you say that? Are you sure?

The last time someone had this problem they died.

I slid back the paper with a shaky exhale.

Cancer?

I can't help the humorless chuckle that left my lips. If only my life was that simple.

No. It's something much worse.

An expression that I couldn't quite read washed over his face. It's was as if someone ripped out his heart and stomp on it. And it felt strange to see him in so much anguish. I felt as if I should be comforting him now. My eyes drifted from his face to his hands, they were pale, long, and thin; looked cold and stiff like marble. Jason's hands were warm and nicely tanned. They were slightly thicker but they looked to be the same length as Edward's. They were rough yet soft while Edward's looked hard and smooth.

"Bella, can you answer my question?" Mr. Banner asked me, right in front of my table.

"I'm sorry, I didn't catch the question," I told him, apologetically.

He shakes his head and asked again, "What is the difference between a covalent and ionic bond?"

"Uh," I squint trying to remember from what he just had said.. "I'm sorry. I don't know."

He clicks his tongue. "Please try to pay attention, Miss. Jackson."

When he walks away I groaned quietly, ducking my head to look at my notes. That's when I saw that Edward slid the paper back to me.

Do want to go somewhere with me after school?

I should say no, there are so many reasons why I should say no. I pick my pencil and wrote my response.

Sure.

Meet me at the main entrance when school is over.