Apologies for the wait, but, well, life happened. Nothing bad, all good and healthy in my little world, but still. LIFE.
Why he goes out on the damn walkway he killed his father on last time, Ben doesn't quite know.
He's entirely willing to just go ahead and blame the Force, because he's going to need something for when Rey sees the situation he's gotten himself into. Two of his former Knights, Ap'lek and Vicrul from the looks of it, have effectively blocked both exits off this kriffing narrow walkway with no kriffing railing. Unless he deals with either of them, he's essentially stuck because Rey's been shielding him, as they don't know if any huge usage of the Force on his part will alert Snoke that he's on Ilum and that's something they're trying to avoid for as long as possible. Of course, the Knights might just do it themselves.
And things had been going so well up until now.
"Ren, where did you go?" Vicrul demands. "Snoke unexpectedly collapsed hours ago and you never showed up!"
Ben wants to scoff. The only reason any sort of concern is being shown is because none of the Knights can actually stand up to Snoke. While they'd been a present for him from Snoke, he'd been their shield against the Supreme Leader of the First Order ever since they came under his command. Also, the lot of them were much better as followers rather than leaders, despite Ap'lek's visions of grandeur.
The knowledge that Snoke had been affected by the bond breaking is good, though. He's been wondering about it ever since he did it. Given that he's relatively recovered now, though, probably means they can't use it to their advantage, as Snoke will have no issues using the Dark Side to speed up his recovery.
"We thought something might've happened to you on Jakku," Ap'lek intones in that silky dangerous tone of his, "but I told myself that the grandson of Darth Vader wouldn't fall to a nobody scavenger and traitor stormtrooper. That you were just biding your time until you could call us back to your side, but you never did."
"My grandfather," Ben says solemnly, "is the one who broke the bond between Snoke and I. He refused to allow me to continue to be a puppet for Snoke like he was for Sideous."
"Darth Vader finally talked to you?"
The reverence in Ap'lek's voice when he mentions Vader again makes Ben's skin crawl. He shudders at the nasty feeling, his hand drifting to his waist and brushing against Anakin's saber. The hum of the kyber crystal calms his rolling stomach. He'd forgotten how much Ap'lek idolized Vader. Before he'd used that to his advantage, constantly shoving the fact that he was the grandson of Vader in Ap'lek's face, but now it just makes him feel ill.
"I said my grandfather was the one who did it," he snaps back, teeth bared in a snarl. "Not that Sith monstrosity Sideous made him into."
Vicrul's sharp intake of breath, warped by his mask, echoes around them as the man takes a menacing step forward. "What exactly are you implying, Ren?"
Light spills over the three of them, and Ben's eyes shoot up to where Rey stands now haloed by the dying sunlight. Vicrul, as the one with his back to her, twists around to be able to see her as well. He can feel both Vicrul and Ap'lek's surprise at the sight of the 'nobody scavenger' which quickly turns to blinding rage on Ap'lek's part.
"Ben!"
She catapults herself off the landing. He doesn't have time to yell at her, to warn her to stay away so the Knights don't realize that she's precious to him. One moment she's above them, the next she's dropping down beside him on the walkway. She turns and levels her blaster at Vicrul when he takes another step towards them. Because of this, Ben gives most of his attention to Ap'lek. He shifts just enough so he can press lightly up against Rey, who in turn leans back into him.
"Ben Solo is mine," Rey states matter-of-fact and he has to fight to keep a ridiculously sappy smile off his face. That will just make Ap'lek snap, Vicrul will follow after him, and Ben doesn't quite know where Rey's going with this. "You cannot have him."
"Is that what he told you his name was, little girl?" Ap'lek sneers, contempt heavy in his voice. "Is that what he promised you when he took you off that barren planet? Did he offer to save you?"
Ben feels her inhale and exhale, her Force presence expanding rapidly with every breath she takes. "What Ben promised me is none of your concern," she returns softly.
"It is our concern!" Ap'lek all but screams, and Ben had intellectually known that the man was a bit obsessive, but wow. "You would seduce our leader away from us, you whore! You would—"
Utter rage envelopes Ben at these words. He might've called Rey many things while attempting to turn her to the Dark Side, but even he never stooped so low as to call her whore. He levels his grandfather's lightsaber at Ap'lek, reveling in the sudden fear from his former comrade with the blue blade now pointed between his eyes. "Call her that again, and I will end you."
Easy Ben, Rey whispers, pressing herself physically up against him as she takes his mounting anger and soothes it down to a flickering ember. His words mean nothing to me.
"Do it anyway!" Finn suddenly shouts from where he and Chewie have been watching silently.
Ap'lek's snarl of anger is what ends up spurring Ben into motion. He bats away the execution vibro-axe the man is raising above his head, and then uses the gathered momentum to swing his lightsaber around and drive the blade straight through Ap'lek's heart. He feels nothing but grim satisfaction at his former comrade's rattling death breath. Vicrul screams in wordless fury as Ap'lek's limp body hits the walkway only to fall over the edge. He tries to charge Rey, but she shoots his legs and this drives him to his knees.
"Betrayer!" the Knight spits out around his harsh breathing.
Ben steps forward around Rey, regarding the downed man with a tiny bit of sorrow, but mostly apathy. "That would require us to have been loyal to each other in the first place." He breathes in deeply, letting go of all his lingering anger as he exhales out. "Regardless, you should know by now that betrayal is the way of the Sith." And with a single stroke of his blade, Vicrul too is no more. This leaves just him and Rey and their breathing.
"Guys, come on!" Finn calls to them when they continue to just stand there unmoving despite the urgency of the situation.
A shudder wracks Ben's body as a chill washes over him, but he takes Rey's hand and leads them off the kriffing walkway he never wants to see again. The instant they're off it, Finn grabs Rey in a desperate hug.
/You good, cub?/ Chewie inquires.
"I will be once we're off this kriffing planet," he grumbles, the chill from earlier starting to settle in his bones. And it's not because they're on a planet in the middle of its winter. He just has this uncomfortable feeling that he's been watched, and not by friendly eyes. "Are enough bombs set?"
/Yeah, we're good to go./
"Then let's just get out of here."
/Come on, cubs, time to go,/ Chewie instructs.
Rey and Finn let go of each other, Rey immediately pressing herself up against Ben again. He gives her tired smile at her concerned look, but offers nothing else before starting back out the way they came in. There isn't time to delve into the whirlwind of emotions circling around him right now. He can keep himself within the eye of the storm until they get off Ilum, but only if he isn't pushed on the matter. He scoops up Finn's coat and throws it at the man before shrugging his own back on.
As they're all spilling back out into the snow, the ground shakes underneath Ben's feet and he knows that Chewie just set off the bombs. The screeching of metal folding in on itself shortly follows moments later. He grits his teeth against the grating sound as it tears at his ears. He vaguely hears Finn cursing, but they all keep running. They keep running until they're in the trees again, and only then do they briefly pause to look back.
It's just in time to see one of the X-Wings deliberately pull away and dive down towards the caving in thermal oscillator. To watch as the fighter disappears into the spreading fire and rocket back skywards again minutes later as the surface of the planet heaves. Finn's shout of elated victory is followed by a deep, rumbling groan that rises up from the depths beneath them, reminding Ben that the planet is going to explode.
"We have to get to the Falcon!" he barks. He just desperately hopes that the Falcon hasn't slid off the cliff they left it on, otherwise they're screwed. They hadn't time to try and move it, what with the shields still being up and radar covering the planet's surface. His heart beats out a frantic tempo in time with his pounding feet as they sprint through the trees, stumbling every now and then as the ground shifts unexpectedly. Mercifully, the Falcon is just as they left it. Skidding to a shaky stop, Ben repeatedly slams on the button to lower the ramp for all that he knows it won't speed up the process. Rey and Finn bolt up it the instant it's low enough, and Ben follows on their heels. He and Rey make for the cockpit while Finn drops down into the gunner's seat.
/Ramp's up!/ Chewie yells.
"Shields are on and primed," Ben adds, having slid into the copilot seat as he's more than willing to admit that Rey has far more experience flying this ship than he does. She got them onto Ilum well enough without crashing horrendously beyond their planned bumpy landing. "Ready whenever you are, Rey."
There's nothing but grim satisfaction when Rey revs the engines and lifts them up. Ben spares one passing glance to the planet breaking apart below them. He much prefers this version of them leaving over last time, Rey beside him and no lightsaber wounds to deal with. He's really glad about having no lightsaber wounds. Even after having them healed and removed, they still ached when he let his mind linger on them too long.
Poe's voice comes crackling over their headsets as they rise above the trees. "Falcon, this is Black Leader checking in. I see you lifting off, what's your status?"
Letting Rey concentrate on flying, Ben is the one who answers him. "Black Leader, the Falcon is good to go with all four crew members safely aboard." He doesn't even bother trying to stop the grin spreading across his lips at Poe's shaky exhale.
"Should we have Medical on standby for when we reach base again?"
Ben knows what he's implying, what he's trying to ask without actually having to flat out say. "We're all moving under our own power, but having Medical there to do a check wouldn't be a bad idea."
Another shaky exhale, only this one full of relief as the message is received. "Good to know. See you back at base. Black Leader out."
Beside him, Rey huffs out a breath as well, tension sliding off her shoulders as she lines them up with the rising X-Wings. "It's been a while since I've had a place to return to," she muses quietly. "I've been running so long, I almost forgot what it's like to come home."
Not knowing what to say to that particular admission, Ben just blankets her with all his love for her. They don't have time to delve into it for all that he wishes they could. She flashes him a small smile despite his silence before following the X-Wings by going into lightspeed.
Touching back down on D'Qar is a relief for multiple reasons.
The main one being that Finn's just about ready to vibrate out of his skin, and while Rey completely understands his impatience, that doesn't make her want his pacing to stop any less. She sighs internally when she realizes that she's going to have to get used to having the same people constantly around again.
The instant the Falcon is settled on the ground, she can hear Finn repeatedly punching the button to lower the boarding ramp like Ben had back on Ilum. Beside her, Ben chuckles softly when they can see the man go sprinting across the landing strips. It takes her a moment, but then she spots Poe coming from the other direction. The two collide in a flurry of limbs, drawing looks from many of the people around them. Especially when Poe proceeds to pick Finn up and spin them around in a circle. Even with the walls of the Falcon and all the people between them, Rey still thinks she can hear their laughter.
"You okay?" Ben's quiet question reminds her that she's made no movement to exit, and that Ben hasn't either.
She exhales slowly, trying to release the tension that built up at the sight of the ever growing crowd. "I haven't been around this many people for so long in over five years," she says. "I'd forgotten how overwhelming it can be."
Ben doesn't say anything further, instead reaching out to take one of her hands in his. She's still startled by how dainty his grip makes her hands feel, how they're completely enveloped yet somehow safe. Dainty hasn't ever really been a word she'd use concerning herself. The desert wasn't kind to her while growing up, leaving no time for past times of any sort that didn't also provide food. Because of that, she grew up hardy and of the opinion that anything that made her feel small in any way was dangerous. And yet, when Ben cradles her tiny hands in his giant ones, none of those long since engraved instincts rear their ugly heads. She just feels safe and treasured, and she's still not entirely sure how to deal with that.
Outside they see Chewie meet with Han and Leia, both immediately looking to the cockpit after exchanging a few words. Leia starts heading towards the Falcon, while Han lingers to continue talking with his friend. Boots march up the ramp and then Leia's coming around the corner.
"Are you two alright?"
"Yeah, Mom, we're good."
When a hand settles unexpectedly on her shoulder, Rey jumps a little before she can marshal herself. Ben squeezes her hand still in his supportingly while Leia removes hers.
"Rey?"
Her breath catches in the back of her throat at the honest concern in Leia's voice. She's heard it all her life, but this Leia doesn't know her and yet is still willing to check on her. She knows it's partially just in Leia's nature to inquire into the health of her people, but Rey's not really one of her people yet. She's just the unknown woman who supposedly brought back Leia's son.
"There weren't ever this many people in one place on Jakku," she whispers. And on the rare occasions that a crowd did gather, Rey made sure to stay far far away.
Leia hums, low and comforting. "Luke had similar issues when he first joined the Resistance after all the chaos of dealing with the Death Star died down." She touches Rey's shoulder again, pressing down gently but firmly when Rey doesn't react this time. "Take however long you need until you feel ready. Stars know they can be an overwhelming lot for all that they mean well."
A snort of amusement escapes Rey because she already knows that from personal experience. She'd spent a decent chunk of time stuck in the Falcon with a bunch of them after the Battle of Crait before they'd found somewhere else to set up their base.
Ben moves like he's going to stand, only to freeze just as he's about to rise to his feet. He blinks a few times before cursing softly under his breath.
"Ben?" Rey turns towards him, all her anxiety instantly forgotten in the face of his troubles.
"I don't think I can stand," he mutters, staring down at his legs like they've betrayed him.
"That would be because you've been running around like a maniac after I distinctly remember saying that you'd be weak for a time after we broke your training bond with Snoke," Anakin states flatly, having appeared between the two of them. Rey's far too used to Force ghosts just randomly appearing that she doesn't even startle. Leia's sharp intake of breath behind them lets Rey know that she can see her father, but she's more concerned about her dyad partner than Leia's reaction to seeing her father's Force ghost.
Ben flinches minutely before giving his grandfather an exasperated look. "What exactly was I supposed to do, just sit around and wait for my strength to come back?" he retorts. "We were already on a tight schedule as it was."
Anakin stares back at him before exhaling explosively for all that he doesn't need to actually breathe while squatting down so he no longer towers over them. "I'd love to say yes, but Obi-Wan and Snips would just laugh me out of the afterlife at the hypocrisy of that statement coming from me." He snorts out a chuckle. "None of us can truly fault you for what you did, really. We drove our poor medics absolutely mad during the war."
"But he'll be fine?" Rey wants to know. She can feel the truth of it in their bond, but there's just something about hearing someone say it that somehow makes it feel more real. Half of her is still somewhat convinced that this is all just a dream. A good dream, but a dream nonetheless.
"Yes, he'll be fine, so long as he actually sleeps for a decent amount of time," Anakin assures her with a fond smile before turning back to Ben. "You have the time now. Yes, the First Order is going to come for this base, but they have to rally back together now that you've destroyed Starkiller base. There's time for you to properly sleep before you have to go and drag your wayward uncle back home."
Ben's breath hitches almost painfully. "I'm—"
Anakin holds up a hand, causing Ben to fall silent. "Not now, Ben, not now," he says softly. "There are no words you can say to me that I haven't also wished to say to my own children, so wait until we're all gathered before you say them. They deserve to hear it first, not me." Ben's throat bobs as he swallows, inclining his head when it becomes obvious words aren't going to come out. "Then I'll leave you in your mother's capable hands."
And then he fades away, leaving them with a flabbergasted Leia.
Ben drags a hand down his face while groaning, slumping back in his seat. "Sleep actually sounds kriffing amazing right now."
A yawn drags its way out of Rey, surprising her as exhaustion comes crashing over her as well. Then again, she's gotten very good at ignoring how tired she actually is until she's not doing anything, and technically they've finished the mission they set out to do. While there's still things to do on base, Rey isn't knowledgeable enough at the moment to be of much help.
"Who was that?" Leia demands with a barely noticeable tremor in her voice. "Ben, who was that?"
"That was Master Skywalker," Rey answers in his stead, shifting so she can run her fingers through Ben's hair. He sighs, leaning into her touch as his eyes flutter closed. "He broke the bond between Ben and Snoke with help from Master Kenobi and Master Tano back when we escaped from Jakku."
"You've spoken with Vader?" Terror and a fierce protectiveness rolls off Leia in waves as she too reaches out to touch Ben as if to assure herself that he's really in front of her. Given that it took a few years after Leia passed before she and Anakin could be around each other without Leia yelling at him, her fear isn't unexpected. There are conversations that need to be had again before she'll be willing to acknowledge her birth father, but now obviously isn't the time for them.
Ben shakes his head from side to side. "No, only ever Anakin Skywalker. Not once have I heard Darth Vader's voice, no matter how much I begged and pleaded for his guidance."
Rey squeezes his hand still holding onto her to get his attention. "He told me this only once," she confesses quietly, "but there were days he screamed himself hoarse while you were with Snoke. You were never alone out there, Ben, for all that you couldn't hear him at the time."
Ben stares at her, tear filled eyes wide. A brittle laugh escapes him, and then he's folding in on himself while his shoulders shake. Rey scrambles out of her seat and into his lap, curling her arms around him. He presses his face into the crook of her neck, clutching her to him like she'll vanish if he lets go. She just keeps running her fingers through his hair, blinking back tears of her own that she doesn't bother trying to wipe away.
Already, she can tell this will be a doozy of an issue that Ben will have to work through. While she already plans to be there every step of the way with him, ultimately it's him who has to accept all that happened and the repercussions of his actions, anticipated and otherwise. She'd had to do something similar after she'd finally accepted the truth about her heritage.
More boots stomp up the ramp and then Han's voice calls out, "Ah kid, again?"
"Han!" Leia snaps, spinning around to smack her husband on the shoulder.
Chewie's comforting rumble follows shortly after. /You might not bother with emotions most of the time, Solo, but obviously your cub does. I'd suggest not aggravating him over it./
"Chewie, this is the second time today that he's had a meltdown of some sorts in my ship since we found him. If this is gonna be a regular occurance, I think I'm entitled to know!"
/There are politer ways of asking, you idiot!/
"Ben, Rey, I'll be right back," Leia states flatly. "Nerf herder, come with me." She grabs hold of Han's jacket and proceeds to drag him further into the Falcon, ignoring his sputtering protests as they go.
/Anything I can do?/ Chewie inquires, having lingered in the doorway instead of following after his friends.
Rey just shakes her head, intent on staying put until Ben says otherwise. He's still trembling, although she doesn't know if it's from what she told him or his parents fighting. She cradles him with her presence in the Force like he had when they were leaving Ilum, unsure if she should do anything else. He presses her in even closer, breath hitching every now and then for all that it's starting to even out somewhat. She makes no mention of the fact that her top is becoming damp where his eyes are.
Again, boots thunder up the ramp, only this time it's Poe and Finn. They're both sporting smiles, obviously still riding the high of a victory won with relative ease and minimal loss, but they immediately become serious when they see the position Ben and Rey are in.
"What happened?" Poe asks, hurrying over but mercifully refraining from touching. Instead he sits down on the edge of the seat Rey had previously been occupying.
"After his bond with Snoke was broken, Ben was supposed to rest for a while," Rey explains. "Obviously that didn't happen, and Master Skywalker just came to express his exasperation. General Organa took exception to that particular fact." Ben shudders against her, so she presses her fingers more firmly into his hair to anchor them both.
Both Finn and Poe look at her in befuddlement. "Rey, Luke Skywalker is still on Ahch-To," Finn says slowly. Then a look of horror spreads across his face. "Did he—?"
"Anakin Skywalker, Finn," Rey corrects him exasperatedly. "You met him earlier on Jakku. Master Luke has no idea what's going on beyond the edge of his island. Not yet, at least."
"Why do I get the idea you're going to take great pleasure in educating him once we bring him back?" Poe asks with a fond smile and no judgement in his eyes.
"Because I am," she states flatly. She's grateful for everything he taught her after he passed, but stars the damage he'd unknowingly caused Ben with his fear and uncertainty makes her want to tear into him.
Poe nods, not pressing further and letting the subject drop. "So, we gonna hole up in here or do you think you can brave the masses out there?"
Rey considers the offer for a moment. She really, truly does feel exhausted, and Ben is obviously running on fumes as well. Neither of them are well known at the moment, and going outside will only result in eyes staring at them. She can practically feel her skin crawl at the idea of subjecting herself to that right now. And she knows with utter certainty that Ben doesn't want people to see him broken down like this. Especially because they just plain won't understand.
"Ben and I are going to stay on the Falcon, but you two don't—"
"I'll go get us some food, then," Poe interrupts her, standing and clapping his hands together. "Finn, you wanna come with or you gonna stay here?"
His husband grins at him. "I'll come with, if only to make sure you don't drop it all. Chewie, you want anything?"
Rey can all but feel the measured stare the Wookie gives the four of them. /I'll be fine, but thanks for asking. Might want to get something for Han and Leia, though. Don't know when the last time Leia had food, but I know Han hasn't had anything since we found you lot./
"I thought I'd heard the General," Poe comments. "Where is she, exactly?"
/Trying to explain normal feelings to Han./ Chewie says a touch dryly. /Again./
Poe's eyes flicker back to her and Ben, comprehension dawning along with a touch of protectiveness. "Ah." He shrugs his shoulders. "Just as well we're coming back, then. Be back shortly."
He and Finn head back out, Rey watching them slip into the crowd still celebrating outside and disappear before turning back to the solemn Wookie.
/We ever gonna get a straight answer out of you?/
"Soon," Rey promises, wishing she could offer more but wanting to only have to do the telling once. It's going to be hard enough already, talking about all their deaths and the friends now lost to them. Ben shudders again and she tightens her grip even more. "Soon."
