So this turned out longer than I anticipated, but hey! That means more story for you guys!
Enjoy!
Poe knows he's going to break soon.
He'd been holding it together earlier because losing his shit was not going to get him Finn back. Now it's purely through sheer force of will because Rey is teetering on edge with Ben obviously having already gone over. He's not sure how Finn's truly doing, but he's determined to last until he gets Rey and Ben fed and tucked away somewhere to sleep off the exhaustion haunting them both. He has long since acknowledged and embraced his mother hen tendencies, especially when it comes to those he considers his closest friends and companions.
Finn's got a bit of a spring in his step as they walk through the base, a content smile on his lips as he takes everything in. Poe can't help but love him for it, this man who's learned to roll with whatever life throws at him with such ease that sometimes Poe's just astounded.
Then he spots a face that he immediately knows he has to talk to.
"Connix!" he calls, raising a hand to further get the woman's attention as her head whips around at the sound of her name.
She blinks in obvious surprise when he jogs over to her. "Commander Dameron. Can I help you with something?"
He doesn't blame her. He'd been much more of a cocky bastard last go round, and actively seeking someone higher in the chain of command besides Leia would be completely out of character for him. However, he learned the hard way the importance of delegation and asking for help from the people around him. If he can prevent the clusterfuck that was their leaving last time, he'll do it.
"Yeah, there's something I need you to get moving for me. Starkiller base might be destroyed, but I'd bet every credit to my name on the fact that the First Order had their cannon pointed at this system for a reason. That means this base is compromised. We need to start evacuation measures before the First Order is breathing down our necks again."
Her startled look of respect quickly morphs into horror as the truth of their situation registers. "Stars preserve us," she whispers hoarsely, pressing a hand to her heart.
"Can you gather Fleet Command together and get everything started?" he asks. "I'm currently getting food for myself and General Organa, but I'll be sure to send her your way after we finish eating if that would make you feel better."
Kaydel exhales harshly before nodding once decisively. "That would be much appreciated, thank you." She fixes him with an impressed look. "You're not usually this observant, Dameron."
He barks out a self-deprecating laugh. "Had you said something before the past few days' excitement, I'd've protested, but yeah, I'm aware. Could say the latest mission was a bit of an eye opener." And that is the understatement of the age. He'd been so kriffing confused, torn between wondering if he was in a rather vivid dream or if he'd finally died and was going to be forced to watch his life pass by in aching slow motion. Then on Takodana, he'd seen not Finn fighting with Han Solo and Chewbacca, but Rey and the man he'd known mostly as Kylo Ren for all that he seemed to be protecting the others with a blue lightsaber instead of his usual red. Poe had continued to do his duty for all that his heart hammered in his chest, and once the skies were clear of First Order TIE fighters he'd landed to demand answers. None of them had had answers he liked, but they'd been answers.
Kaydel's eyes softened in understanding. "While I would never wish for what happened to you on any of us, I'm glad at least that this sliver of good came out of a bad situation." She makes a shooing motion with the hand not holding a data pad. "Go eat. I'll see to it that things get moving."
Poe offers her a lopsided smile. "Thanks." Then he turns back to where Finn is patiently waiting with a fond smile on his lips.
"Hard at work as ever, eh?" his husband says with no signs of annoyance at the minor delay. Given that they led the end of the Rebellion together, Poe's not surprised. They'd both learned rather quickly how to balance their work lives with their private ones so as to not overwhelm one with the other. And neither begrudged the other when things slipped past them. Poe still marvels to this day the fact that Finn agreed to spend their lives together.
"You know me," he returns with a shrug of his shoulders. "Always gotta make sure everyone's safe."
Finn laughs while slapping him on the back. "Of course! Wouldn't have you any other way."
Poe knows his cheeks are flushing, just like they always do when Finn's like this, but he can't really bring himself to care. There are fifty years of comradery and love between them, and he doesn't think he'll ever tire of hearing Finn talk like that. The years as a Stormtrooper make it hard for him to express himself sometimes, so Poe learned very quickly to treasure the moments when he could say the words. Actions usually are far easier for him, so he makes sure to lean into the arm thrown over his shoulders.
They make their way to the canteen, Poe valiantly trying not to flinch anytime he sees a face long since lost to him. He doesn't always succeed, but Finn's a steady and solid presence the entire time, making Poe extremely glad he didn't stay in the Falcon with Rey and Ben.
"Poe! There you are!"
He jerks when his name's called, the voice one he hasn't truly heard since Exogol for all that he's flown with the man since coming back. Temmin Wexley comes hurrying over with a grin on his face, the rest of Black Squadron behind him. Finn presses all the closer when he starts to tremble.
"Hey Temmin." Poe's voice catches harshly when he speaks. He'd somehow managed to talk to Karé instead of Temmin about getting Ilum scouted, and he'd kept his cool while they were fighting, but to see the man again and actually look is like a blow to the chest. He and Finn both had sat for countless hours with Karé, listening to her cry and scream and rage at the loss of her husband. To say nothing of the fact that Temmin's kid never actually got to meet his dad.
The use of his first name makes the man blink in befuddlement. "Poe, I don't think I've ever heard you call me anything other than Snap since we first met. Are you alright?"
Poe swallows around the lump in his throat. "Had a bit of a time with the First Order. Think it's just now catching up with me, is all."
"Did you even try and go to medical?" Finn asks suddenly.
He turns to give his husband a flat look. "When have I ever gone to medical of my own free will?" Finn at least has the grace to look sheepish, because he does know about Poe's love/hate relationship with medical. "Regardless, I was a little more concerned about getting ready to go to Ilum to get you back than get myself checked over."
"Commander," Karé interjects a touch dryly, "are you going to introduce your friend, or do we have to guess who he is?"
And Poe belatedly remembers that while he might know who Finn is, his team actually has never seen the man before in their lives.
"Right, right. Guys, this is Finn. He helped me escape from the Finalizer. Finn, this is Black Squadron. We've got Temmin Wexley who goes by Snap, Karé Kun, Jessika Pava, and Suralinda Javos." He gestures to each person as he says their name for all that Finn doesn't need it. Just a habit whenever he introduces people. "A more annoyingly loyal group of people you will not find."
"Commander, that sounds as if you like us," Jessika teases before stepping forward and throwing her arms around him. Poe can't help how tightly he returns the hug. She might not've been someone he lost during the war, but she'd passed unexpectedly in her sleep a few years prior. It hadn't been the way any of them left had expected for her to go. "Poe?"
"Ahh, buddy." There's a wealth of understanding in Finn's voice as he rests a hand at the back of Poe's neck and squeezes gently. "You're gonna be like this for a while, aren't you?"
"Shut up," he bites out through clenched teeth. He releases Jessika and steps back, blinking furiously in an attempt to rid himself of the tears he feels gathering in the corner of his eyes.
"Yep, you are," Finn continues, headless of the dead glare Poe shoots at him. He got very good at telling when Poe actually meant his exasperation and when he was just faking it, and unfortunately, right now he's full on faking it. Anything to keep from breaking.
"Poe, what happened?" Karé demands.
"Shit happened," he deadpans. "Shit happened, shit I fully did not expect—"
"If you'd expected this, we'd've had words, Dameron," Finn mutters under his breath.
"—and I am still trying to kriffing deal with it," Poe continues as if he hadn't been interrupted. "I have no reasonable way to explain what happened, either, nor do I honestly expect anyone to believe a word that would come out of my mouth if I tried." He holds up a hand when Karé starts to open her mouth. "I don't have time at the moment to even begin to try. Right now, I have things to do for General Organa. If you want to help me at all, please coordinate with Connix on starting evacuation measures for the base."
Karé, ever the quick one, immediately catches onto what he isn't saying. "I expect answers after we're gone from here, Commander," she says sternly. "I don't particularly care if you think I'll believe you or not. I followed you under Republic command and I left them for you as well. Let me determine whether or not I believe your story."
Poe doesn't even bother trying to hide the fond smile that spreads across his lips. He's had Karé at his back for years and there are few others he'd trust so explicitly. He knows she's always felt the same, given that she made him godfather to her son. Wouldn't take no for an answer, actually. This, her demanding the truth like she is, don't actually surprise him in the slightest. And despite the craziness of the situation, part of Poe wonders if she'll actually believe him. Maybe he'll have Ben and Rey available for the conversation, for all that they both seem just as equally baffled about what's happened to them.
He offers her his hand, which she immediately takes. "As you wish, Captain. The truth, to do with as you please once we're gone from here."
"Till then, Commander," she returns. They squeeze each other's hands, and then Karé is herding the rest of them off, physically dragging Jessika when it looks like she won't budge.
"I'd forgotten how roudy they were," Finn comments quietly once they've disappeared into the masses. He shoots Poe a concerned look. "Are you actually going to tell them the truth?"
Poe shrugs half-heartedly. "Can't really do much else. I've changed too much. They're bound to notice something's off, and with the work we do we need to trust each other explicitly. Having them wondering at my sudden change in behavior will only damage that trust if I don't at least try. Hopefully Master Skywalker can give us a satisfactory answer as to what the kriffing hell is going on, but I'm not going to hold my breath."
Finn stares at him silently for a moment before tipping his head in deference. "Alright, then. Let's go get some food before Rey storms in here after us."
Poe snorts out a chuckle as they continue into the canteen. "What, you don't want a fully trained Jedi Master coming after you anytime soon?"
"One time!" Finn protests indignantly. "One time I was late bringing food! She never let me hear the end of it! Never! And that was before—" He cuts himself short, but Poe understands where he was going with the statement. Before Exogol and what came after. Neither of them truly have a full understanding of what it is that Rey did afterwards beyond traveling the galaxy. They don't really know what she learned or what she experienced, so playing it safe is a good idea. Especially considering it's food they're supposed to be bringing.
"Sathur!"
The man nominally in charge of the canteen perks up where he's currently seated when Poe shouts for him. He twists in his seat and grins widely when their eyes meet.
"Dameron! What can I do for you?" he asks as they approach.
"Need food for six people," Poe explains. "This is me running on the assumption that General Organa and General Solo haven't eaten anytime soon, so correct me if I'm wrong about that, but I'll still need food for three other people and myself even if they have."
Sathur regards him with a suddenly shrewd expression. "Would one of those people happen to be the Generals' son?"
Poe blinks and then narrows his eyes right back. "Any particular reason why you're asking?"
"There's just been talk, is all. The wayward son come home just following such a devastating attack when no one knows where exactly he's been, and then he somehow manages to bring down the shields of the First Order base set to kill us next. I'm sure you can imagine what quite a few of the rumors have been implying, especially considering his lineage."
"Ben Solo is not a spy, Sathur," Poe says softly. "That man has been through hell and back, and I can assure you that the last thing he wants is for Snoke to get ahold of any person in the Rebellion."
Sathur sighs heavily. "Dameron, I admire your ability to think positive, but—"
"Kylo Ren is dead," Finn states flatly, a tiny hint of anger leaking into his voice. "Take it from someone who worked with the man for years. Kylo Ren is dead and not coming back."
Sathur finally looks at Finn, doing a slight double take as if he hadn't truly realized the other man was with them the entire time. "And you are?"
His husband squares his shoulders defiantly. "Finn, formerly Stormtrooper FN-2187. I helped Poe get off the Finalizer and he was kind enough to give me a name in return. If you're going to discuss First Order spies in Rebellion ranks, I'd consider getting all your facts straight first."
Poe has to resist the urge to slap a hand over his face.
"Sathur, I will gladly argue with you about this at a later time, but right now I really do need food, otherwise we're going to have an annoyed Jedi on our tails if we end up taking too long."
This makes Sathur frown at him. "Jedi? I don't really think you can—"
"Rey, the woman from Jakku, can use the Force," Poe interrupts him, "and she's rather particular about food, being a former scavenger and all, so unless you'd like to be at the other end of a lightsaber anytime soon, food now."
"You have such a way with words, Dameron," Sathur drawls, finally getting to his feet. "Anyone ever tell you that?"
Poe grins back, all teeth and steel and spine. "Perhaps once or twice."
Sathur's stride falters only momentarily before he steadies himself. "That's terrifying. Please don't do it again." He disappears back where all the food is stored, returning with two bundles of three boxes. He gives one stack to Poe and the other to Finn. "Here you go. Now get out of here before you end up terrorizing anyone else."
"Thanks Sathur!" Poe smiles innocently, nearly snickering when the man shudders and waves him away. Very rarely does he let his ruthless side out. No one would ever consider him a push over, but the depths of his ruthlessness is known by a select few people. It's always entertaining whenever someone not in the know catches even just a glimpse.
"That's never not funny," Finn comments as they walk away with food in hand.
Poe does let himself chuckle now. "Part of the reason I did it. Also, figured it was the quickest way we were gonna get out of there."
"True enough."
The rest of their walk back to the Falcon is done in silence, and Poe is eternally grateful that no one else tries stopping them. "We're back!" he calls into the ship as they march up the still lowered ramp.
"In the main hold!" Rey returns.
Poe was already planning on heading there first, as he's not sure where else they'd eat, but confirmation is good. It turns out that they've been busy. A few crates have been dragged into the main hold to provide more seating and a larger surface to put food on beyond the holographic game table. Ben and Rey are already sitting down, Rey practically still in Ben's lap, while Han and Leia are having a heated but hushed discussion in the opposite doorway that they stop when he and Finn step into the room.
"Right, you two, you are going to eat and then go the kriffing hell to sleep because you both look liable to keel over any second," Poe instructs, dropping his portion of the food onto the makeshift table before pointing a finger at his friends. "Generals, we have food for you as well."
"Thank you Poe," Rey murmurs with a grateful smile. She reaches for two of the boxes, pulling them towards her and Ben.
Poe drops down onto one of the crates beside her, dragging along the last of his boxes as he goes. He doesn't even bother trying to figure out what it is that Sathur gave him to eat, just digging in. Finn situates himself on Poe's other side while Leia sits herself down with her son on one side and her husband on the other.
"Ben, how long do you reasonably think we have until the First Order manages to regroup and come after us?" Poes inquires only after the man's managed to eat something.
He mulls over the question for a moment. "Three days minimum, five if we get lucky. No matter what Hux might think, organizing the deployment of a Dreadnought isn't something that can be rushed, and Captain Canady always was a stickler for procedure."
Poe pulls a face at the mention of the ship that's going to soon be bearing down on their base. Much as he wants to take down a Dreadnought again, he's not willing to sacrifice all their bombers again. Especially considering he doesn't think he'd be able to look Rose in the eyes for all that she doesn't think of them as anything other than comrade-in-arms right now if his stubborn ass ends up being the reason her sister dies again. "I gotta admit, I'm a little impressed you remembered all that."
Ben snorts, a bitterly amused smile spreading across his lips that has Rey pressing herself firmly against him. "Snoke was...ah...he was very firm of the opinion that I needed to be able to identify all important personnel within the First Order, if only to better know what leverage I might need to use against them. Punishment for not knowing tended to be…" He shudders, "severe."
"Everything about that thing tended to be severe," Finn mutters under his breath.
Before the conversation can continue down that particular path, Poe drags it back to his original topic. "Right, so we've got three days to get ourselves out of here. I've already got Connix working with Fleet Command to start the evacuation. Rey, how—"
"Half a day," she states flatly.
"Do you want to leave in the morning?" he asks softly.
She exhales explosively. "Yes. Best to just get it over with. I can meet you back here or wherever you end up at."
"We'll play that by ear. Ben, should I just assume that you'll be going with her?"
The man smiles down at the woman still leaning against him. She smiles back up at him, far happier than he can ever remember her being before. "Yeah, probably for the best."
This is where Leia finally interjects herself into their conversation. "And where exactly are you planning on going?"
Rey answers for all that she can't seem to bring herself to actually look at Leia. Poe doesn't blame her, knowing the special connection the two had had when Rey had been training on Ajan Kloss for all that he doesn't understand it. "Ahch-To. The location of the first Jedi Temple and where Luke is."
"Rey, the map BB-8 brought back is incomplete," his General gently but firmly points out. "We have no reasonable way to determine which system my brother is in."
"It's in the Unknown Regions," Rey counters, "and I don't need a map to know where I'm going."
"This another one of those things you plan on explaining 'later'?" Han asks a touch dryly.
Him Rey's able to look at. She meets his disbelieving gaze with a defiant look of her own. "Yes, it is. Once we return with Luke, I will explain what I can."
Han cocks an eyebrow. "None of this 'the Force works in mysterious ways' mumbo jumbo?"
Leia lets out a long suffering sigh. "Han, I've explained so many times, that's—"
Han waves her off. "Yeah, yeah, I got it, that's not how the Force works."
"You'll get an answer. Whether or not you believe it is up to you," Poe states before anymore bickering can happen. Perhaps they'll just have one big meeting to get it over with. He might not want to invite all of Black Squadron if that ends up happening. Maybe just Karé to start with. They're all going to be busy enough as it is. He doesn't think it'd be a good idea to have all of his Squadron not fighting ready right now. He can always leave Snap in charge. It's why he has a second-in-command in the first place.
"I've seen some pretty weird shit already, kid, don't think anything you're gonna throw my way will faze me."
Poe gives the man his most unimpressed look he can muster. He's pleased both by how Han visibly falters and Leia's mildly impressed expression as she watches this unfold. "Believing us is up to you," he repeats before going back to his meal. The moment both Ben and Rey are finished, Poe shoves his remaining food away and stands. "Come on, you two."
"Poe—" Rey starts for all that she does stand up as well.
"Please, just let me do this," he requests near pleadingly. He's swiftly reaching the end of his tether, and he really doesn't want to break in front of them. Both have enough bantha shit piled up on their shoulders as it is. They don't need his panic and terror on top of everything else right now.
"He's a bit of a worrier," Finn calmly interjects. "Just let him fuss over you for a bit and he'll leave you alone for a while."
Ben huffs out a rueful chuckle. "Are we being sentenced to the crew quarters?"
Poe nods in agreement. "Figured that was the best place for the moment. Means not having to brave the masses along with finding a bunk somewhere on base." He'd've done that if he thought for a second that either of them wanted it, but he figures he knows enough of Rey's tells to know that that's not an option she wants, and wherever Rey goes, so will Ben. Therefore, crew quarters in the Falcon will do for one night at least. Han can take it up with him if he objects, but Poe's had years of thinking of this ship as Rey's first and Han Solo's second. Also, Rey probably feels safest on this ship and Poe doesn't doubt for a minute that she's liable to react to any perceived threat to Ben's safety with deadly force. Something to avoid if at all possible.
Leia reaches out a hand as Ben makes to slip by. "I'll see you in the morning, son," she says softly. "Rey, it was wonderful meeting you."
Rey just bows her head, blinking rapidly.
Poe shoos them out of the main hold before Rey can start crying, because he doesn't think anyone wants to deal with that mess right now. He makes sure to snag a blanket along the way, not sure if the crew quarters have any available.
Ben all but collapses onto the bunk, tiredly shoving off his boots before flopping backwards so he's sprawled all over the bed. It just highlights how freaking large the man is. Rey grumbles under her breath, but takes off her shoes as well before crawling in after him. She pokes and prods until she has him in a position she likes best, then curls up against his side. Ben in turn shifts so he's pretty much cradling her to his chest.
Poe throws the blanket he'd snagged over them both. He backs up as they settle it better, breath evening out until there's a steady rise and fall from both. He turns off the lights and stumbles back to the main hold where Leia, Han, and his husband still are.
"Poe, come here," Finn murmurs, having moved to sit by the game table. He holds out a hand and keeps it held out until Poe takes it. He pulls Poe in and wraps his arms around him.
And Poe breaks.
His fingers fist in Finn's jacket, throat tight as he lets out all the gathered stress he's been ignoring because there wasn't time earlier and people had been depending on him to have his shit together. He sobs quietly onto Finn's shoulder while his own shake. He cries for the friends they've lost, for the comrades that are no more one way or another because none of them remember anymore. He cries because kriffing hell they have to deal with kriffing Palpatine again, not to mention Snoke and the First Order and the kriffing Final Order out there on Exogol, and the four of them are the only ones who know the truth of it all.
Finn, wonderful darling Finn doesn't comment on the mess he must be making on his jacket. He never does whenever Poe has a day or night like this. He just continually whispers, "I've got you, love, I've got you," into his ear, rocking them back and forth.
They sit like that for a time, Poe letting himself break apart as Finn reassures him that they're alright. Eventually, gradually, Poe manages to pull himself back together. He just breathes for a bit, throat sore but his chest not quite as heavy as before.
"Thanks," he says hoarsely, giving his husband a squeeze before sitting himself back upright. He scrubs viciously at the tears that still slinger in the corners of his eyes.
"Poe, are you alright?" Leia's voice ends up being much closer than Poe expected, so he flinches back into Finn briefly. Turning, he finds Leia sitting on the closest crate and looking at him with obvious concern in her eyes.
He gives her what he knows is a weak smile. "Will be."
"Kid, how long have you been holding that in?" Han asks with a smidgen of grudging respect.
"Takodana," he returns blandly, too tired to try and pretend otherwise. "General, Connix will be looking for you soon, so I'd appreciate it if you could find her at some point before the day's over. Finn, buddy—"
"Would you feel better if I stayed here with them for the night?" His husband knows him so well.
Poe gives him a weary smile in thanks. "I can come join you once I'm done."
"Or you could stay," Leia offers, rising to her feet. "There's not much to be done that you can help with before it's night, and it seems like you've already got things started. I think I can handle things from here."
Poe blinks dumbly at her, having completely forgotten that he's not in charge anymore. "Um…"
"So I'm not gonna be sleeping on my ship, am I?" Han snarks.
"Han, it's one night," Leia states firmly. "There are plenty of bunks available on base for you and Chewie to use. Obviously they all feel safe on the Falcon, and that's not something to be taken lightly. You can survive one night."
"Just got her back," Han grumbles, but surprisingly he doesn't protest as Leia herds him out of the main hold and towards the ramp.
"I'll check in with you in the morning, Commander," Leia calls over her shoulder before they're both gone.
Poe stares after them in befuddlement. "I'm not in charge anymore, am I?"
Finn snorts. "No, you're not. Neither of us is." There's a rumble, and then the sound of the ramp raising up and sealing them in reaches their ears. "Come on, you look just as tired as Rey and Ben did."
Poe doesn't comment on that, because he feels exhausted actually, and he'd really rather not have to fight it anymore. He stumbles after Finn as the man leads him to the bunk in the main hold, sinking gratefully onto it with a groan of appreciation.
Finn chuckles at him when he doesn't move. "At least take off your shoes," he scolds. Poe groans again, because that means moving, and he doesn't want to move. Now that he's laid down, every muscle in his body has abruptly decided to go limp. "Fine then." Hands tug at his shoes, removing and dropping them onto the floor. He assumes Finn's own shoes follow, because his husband is shortly thereafter crawling into the bunk with him while pulling a blanket he produced from somewhere over them. "Go to sleep, Poe."
So he does.
