When we landed on Pasaana, we were a bit uneasy about a seeming celebration we'd dropped ourselves into. Of course, C3PO was happy to fill in the blanks, much to our chagrin. We'd stumbled into the Aki Aki Festival of the Ancestors, which only occurred once every 42 years. I sighed, but accepted that it would at least provide cover from inevitable First Order patrols.
What I knew is that Luke followed Ochi of Bestoon here, who had only one of two Sith wayfinders in existence. According to his journal, Ochi's abandoned ship was still here in the desert. It was a dead end. But it was worth a fresh set of eyes, and surely someone here knew where it was.
As we worked through the crowds, a young girl graced me with a colorful, handmade necklace. At first I was flattered, but I felt unsteady on my feet when C3PO explained it was a fertility necklace. Poe dared a quick glance at me, but his eyes were gone just as suddenly as they met mine.
Music, chanting, and dancing surrounded us, the natives dressed elaborately in colorful garbs. Everyone split up to question locals for clues, and much to my dread, a connection sprung to life only moments after I broke away. I felt the familiar tug, and his anger, his desperation. The sky darkened, the festival melted away. As if I were standing in the middle of an endless desert in the dead of night. My heart raced with anxiety. This had never happened before, and I didn't have good memories of the desert at night.
I felt him approaching.
"Palpatine wants you dead." He said in a monotone.
"Serving another master?" I asked without looking at him.
I wasn't sure why I felt disappointed by that idea.
"No, I have other plans." That damned mask again. I could tell from the synthetic voice.
This time I was disappointed, but because he had returned to hiding himself. I turned and surveyed the thing. It was different, patched together with bright red lines spidering everywhere.
He continued, "I offered you my hand. You wanted to take it." His tone was even, matter of fact.
I didn't bother denying what we both knew was true.
"Why didn't you?" He asked, his voice just barely quieter, the difference in tone hard to distinguish with the mask.
"You could've killed me, why didn't you?" I countered, trying to divert the topic elsewhere.
Somewhere I was comfortable being angry and cruel.
"You can't hide, Rey. Not from me." The way he said my name gave me gooseflesh.
I felt like squirming under his gaze, but I wouldn't let it show.
"I see through the cracks in your mask. You're haunted. You can't stop seeing what you did to your father." I retorted, trying stubbornly to push away the feelings churning in my gut at the sight of him.
Tossing the vivid image of Han's death out into the connection, knowing he'd see it. Trying to make him angry. Hurt him. Keep him from getting close again. He visibly flinched. But he didn't let it slide. An unbidden image returned, of a dead Luke grey and old.
"Do you still see his face in your dreams? Such pain in you. Such anger. I don't wanna have to kill you. I'm going to find you and I'm going to turn you to the Dark Side. When I offer you my hand again... you'll take it." The thrill of pleasure that shot down my spine at the sultry tone he managed even through his mask was beyond unexpected.
I stood there shocked, my mouth hanging open dumbly for a moment as my body rebelled against me again.
Just long enough for him to shoot out a hand and yank the necklace from my neck.
Then, he was gone.
The festival roared to life around me, everything bathed in light again.
When good sense finally crashed into me, I bolted for the recently dispersed group, gathering them as I urged them to run for the edge of the festival.
"We have to go back to the Falcon. Now." No sooner had I said, than the sound of the TIEs descending into the atmosphere reached us.
"Run!" I shouted, and everyone made for some nearby sand speeders, that Poe readily hot wired. Finn shot me a questioning look, but I just shrugged and commandeered one for myself.
We took off into the uninhabited desert, stormtroopers hot on our tail. A tough fight, and harrowing escape ensued.
Unfortunately, in the process of wiping out the troopers, our speeders were destroyed, launching us into the sand just short of Ochi's ship ahead on a ledge. Among the grunts and groans, we started to realize more than just pain. Poe exclaimed, alarmed as the sand dragged us all down slowly. We landed in a sinking field!
My mind rushed, frantically trying to find something to grab onto, but there was nothing. Poor BB-8 was getting sucked down even faster, and I tried to pull at him and free him in a futile endeavor.
"Rey! I never told you-" Finn started, but was sucked under completely before he could finish.
I was the last to finally be dragged in.
Once the sands swallowed us completely, a hollow cavern waited below. I fell right into the waiting arms of Poe, who smiled at me warmly. I blushed furiously and squirmed to get down before anyone saw, but it didn't escape Finn's gaze, who gave us a critical look.
We all dusted off and started evaluating our new surroundings.
"I do not wanna know what made these tunnels." Poe grumbled.
C3PO, oblivious as ever, promptly replied, "Judging by the circumference of the tunnel walls, there are numerous-"
"I said I do not wanna know. Not." Poe growled, enunciating clearly for the droid.
I lit my saber for light, and started walking, Finn at my side.
"We should hurry and find a way out. Come on." I called to the rest of the group behind us.
"So, what was it? What were you going to tell me?" I asked casually, looking down side tunnels as we passed.
"When?" Finn responded, refusing to look at me and suddenly acting interested in looking around.
I huffed, "When you were sinking into the sand, you said 'I never told you'..." I looked at him pointedly.
He acted skittish, replying, "I'll tell you later."
Poe appeared very close behind us, I could almost feel his breath on my neck as he said, "You mean when Poe's not here?"
"Yeah, mhmm." Finn immediately responded sarcastically, a more guarded posture taking over.
"We're all gonna die in sand burrows and you're keeping secrets?" Poe asked incredulously, giving Finn a dirty look, then proceeding down a larger tunnel to our left.
I followed behind him, deciding to give up on the conversation.
"I'll tell you when you tell me what's going on with you and Rey." Finn wagged his eyebrows when I turned back to scowl at him, and Chewie roared in agreement.
Poe and I stole a quick glance between us, both our facing burning red as we pressed on and deliberately ignored that statement.
Finally, there was some wreckage ahead.
We all rushed over and started picking through it, but C3PO was fascinated with something on the hood of the speeder, telling Poe it was an emblem of a Sith loyalist.
Poe's gaze locked onto mine. Ochi. He never made it back to Exegol, that's why his ship was left in the desert. He died down here.
Then, we shared a look of dread. Whatever made these tunnels… it killed him.
We were interrupted by Finn, who thrust a dagger into my hands, "Hey! Look at this!"
I gasped, being launched unwilling into another vision.
It was Dark Rey. Her yellow eyes gleamed, sitting atop a throne of jagged stones, strange runes engraved into it. A body was slumped on the ground in front of her. It almost looked like Ren, it was a large man to be sure. But, his features were sharper...more drawn and pale. When I could finally see his eyes...his beautiful honeyed brown pools were gone. They were clouded. He was dead, and tortured before from the looks of him. I shivered involuntarily. Lightning screamed across the sky behind her and blinded me.
I was back. Unfortunately, I knew what it meant. No matter what I chose, people would suffer.
Poe tilted the dagger in my grasp, "Look, there's writing on it."
It seemed nobody noticed my vision except me, and his voice brought me back to the situation at hand.
C3PO immediately volunteered, "Perhaps I can translate. Oh! The location of the wayfinder has been inscribed upon this dagger. It's the clue that Master Luke was looking for."
"And?" Poe prodded excitedly.
"Where's the wayfinder?" I pressed, impatient.
C3PO looked disappointed somehow. "I am afraid I cannot tell you."
"20.3 fazillion languages and you can't read that?" Poe groaned in frustration.
"Oh, I have read it, sir. I know exactly where the wayfinder is. Unfortunately, it is written in the runic language of the Sith." C3PO replied, his matter of fact tone being very irritating in the current circumstances.
"So what?" I demanded.
"My programming forbids me from translating it." He replied simply.
"So you're telling us the one time we need you to talk, you can't?" Poe was fuming already.
C3PO didn't appear to notice.
"Irony, sir. I am mechanically incapable of speaking translations from Sith. I believe the rule was passed by the Senate of the Old Republic…"He continued to prattle on, but nobody was listening.
"Hey! I see light this way!" Finn shouted, apparently he'd gone on ahead while we were quarreling with the droid.
We rushed after him, and sure enough, it was an exit. We all shared a collective sign of relief and emerged into the sun once again.
"There! Ochi's ship! Let's go." Poe shouted, pointing to the ledge not much further off.
Fortunately, only a short detour. We headed to the ship, but as we boarded, I felt him. Ren. He was coming for me. A strange disaster of a feeling coiled in my belly, somewhere between thrill and terror. The Force rippled around me with odd impulses.
"We got to keep moving. Find someone who can translate that dagger. Like a helpful droid." Poe sneered, but C3PO didn't notice, blissfully unbothered.
Then, Poe noticed the TIE Whisper approaching rapidly, "What the?"
With my face drawn I moved to the ramp, "I'll be right behind you. It's okay."
I descended the ledge quickly, forming up in my mind how I would challenge him. I had to push him off enough for us to have any chance of escaping. I thought he might land, taunt me as usual. But instead, his ship hovered just over the ground, and sped straight at me.
I braced myself, feeling his anger, determination, and murderous intent. He truly wanted to kill me. Shock registered somewhere, but a defiant part of me just found him petulant. He was furious with me, wanted to punish me. His rage told him it would be quelled if he ran me down, but it wouldn't. He was so ridiculous at times.
I'd put him in his place.
I ran with all my muscles could offer, barely feeling the whisper of his surprise as I leapt. Flipping through the air and igniting my blade, removing a wing of his fighter.
I watched his ship tumble and burst into flame for only a second before I heard Finn's urgent shouting behind me, I turned to look.
"Rey! Rey! They got Chewie! They got him!" He thrust a finger up toward the sky, and I saw the First Order transport rising as it headed off the planet.
Without thought, I reached out with everything I could muster and pulled. I had to save him. It slowly swayed and started to come toward me. I smiled and sighed to myself in relief, I could do it.
But then, it lurched away from me. Almost as if…
That fucking bastard. I knew the crash hadn't killed him, but the audacity.
His face was calm and neutral, his mask dangling from one hand. With the other he was trying to pull the transport from my grip!
No. No. He would not take Chewie from me.
I tried to draw deeper and deeper from myself, but there just wasn't enough. My frustration mounted, I strained to keep the transport from moving toward Ren, but I couldn't draw it away from him either.
Why did he have to be so awful? Why? Why?! Why?!
White hot anger flashed through me, my fear, confusion, and desperation boiling in my stomach. It was so potent, I didn't have time to think, time to stop myself.
It happened again.
Lightning streaked across the space between my fingertips and the transport. It exploded, erupting into a ball of fire and shrapnel before raining down into the sand below.
"NO! CHEWIE!" The strangled scream ripped out of my chest.
I was struck bone still, paralyzed. My eyes clouded with tears as I looked down at my hand in disbelief.
"Look at yourself. You wanted to prove to my mother that you were a Jedi, but you've proven something else. You can't go back to her now, like I can't." Ren's face looked as though he was in awe, yet his voice almost sounded remorseful. As if he wished he could go back to her. It felt distant, yet true.
A frantic yell from Poe breached the temporary silence in the canyon, "Rey! We gotta go! They're coming!"
Poe was on the ledge by Ochi's ship, pointing off into the horizon where several TIEs had appeared, heading our way. I gave Ren one more withering look, then ran to my friends. He didn't give chase, and didn't try to stop me.
Poe took off as soon as I bungled inside, crumbling on top of a crate as I tried to process what had just happened. What I had just done.
I killed Chewie.
Finn approached me immediately, sitting next to me quietly.
"I lost control." I whispered weakly.
"It wasn't your fault." He replied determinedly.
"It was." I countered firmly.
"No, it was Ren. He made you do it." Finn insisted.
"Chewie's gone. That power came from me. Finn, there are things you don't know." I told him, tearfully.
"Then tell me." He encouraged, laying a hand over mine and squeezing. I hesitated, unsure what to say.
"I, uh, had a vision. Of the Sith throne. And who was on it." I croaked out around the tears.
"Ren?" Finn asked, so earnestly innocent.
I looked at him sadly, and his face fell.
"No… it was me." I said quiet, my voice nearly a mere gasp.
Finn stood and walked to the cockpit, trying to convince Poe to head back to base.
"We don't have time to go back. We are not giving up. If we do that, Chewie died for nothing." Poe insisted, resolute.
"Poe, Chewie had the dagger!" Finn whined, hoping Poe would see reason.
"Well, then we'll have to find another way." Poe stubbornly dug his heels in.
"Well, there isn't. That was the only cue, and it's gone!" Finn growled in frustration.
"So true. The inscription lives only in my memory now." C3PO said wistfully.
"Wait a minute, what?" Poe responded, turning to look at C3PO.
"Why, yes, Master Poe. But the translation from a forbidden language cannot be retrieved. Short of a complete redacted memory bypass, that is. However, it's a terribly dangerous and sinful act… performed on unwitting droids by dregs and criminals." C3PO replied thoughtfully.
"Let's do that." Finn turned to Poe with renewed enthusiasm.
Poe returned it, "I know a black market droidsmith."
C3PO balked, "Black market droidsmith?"
Poe's expression became more unsure though, "But, he's on Kijimi." He muttered.
"What's wrong with Kijimi?" Finn asked, innocent as ever.
"I had a little bad luck on Kijimi... But we can't let this mission fail, we gotta go." Poe resolved and turned back in his seat to focus on piloting again.
"We're all in this, until the end." I felt Finn's eyes on me as he spoke, but I didn't look. A deep dread and weariness seated in my gut.
Sadness, fear, anger, desperation. It hadn't abated, my stomach felt unsettled, like I might be sick at any moment. I killed Chewie. Just like Luke. I hadn't meant to. I didn't want either of them to die. I was losing control. Luke was just the beginning, and I had an awful feeling it was only going to get worse.
That vision, that sinister version of me. It terrified me. I could not let that happen. But the only person who could help me… if I turned to him, was I risking becoming her?
Palpatine. He started this mad chase, fear of what he'd do, what he'd destroy, spurred me here. He was the reason I had even been put in this situation. He deserved to die. If this power brought death… I'd at least put it to good use.
I vaguely noticed Finn standing near me, leaning against the wall.
"I'm going to find Palpatine. I'm going to kill him." I forced in a hushed voice, through clenched teeth.
"Rey… that doesn't sound like you." Finn replied with notable trepidation in his voice.
Everyone liked to tell me about my destiny and who I was and who I would be. I was sick of that too.
"People keep telling me they know me, but I'm afraid no one does." I replied, my voice sounding hollow and bitter even to me.
"But I do." His velvet baritone creeped along my mind, sending a violent shiver down my spine and my heart racing.
The ship lurched, going into hyperspace. Finn had no response, retreating to the cockpit.
Poe replaced him beside me, sitting on the crate with his thigh against mine. He pivoted his body to face me, his hand gently fell on top of my own.
"Hey there. You look… far away. Can I help?" His other hand softly brushed away stray hair at my temple.
I wanted to lean in, to accept his comfort. But something in me couldn't. Wouldn't.
I already knew I had to leave the Resistance. I was delaying the inevitable. I didn't want to hurt Poe, but I knew I had to.
And I was so angry about it.
My face crumpled, with tears and fury. None of this was fair. I'd been dragged out of a desert planet in the far reaches of nowhere, for this? More misery? More pain? Why? Why?
There was never an answer. No answer to any of this. And it was so unfair.
Something caught my eye. The glint of the silver chain around Poe's neck. Then, the longer I looked, I realized his chest was heaving, a strange expression on his face.
"So, you're seriously not going to tell me what's going on between you two?" Finn whined, a hint of mischief in his tone.
When had he approached? Why had I missed that?
But suddenly, Poe was on his feet, closing the distance between himself and his best friend with a menacing posture. Finn's face marred in confusion, but he was too slow. Poe snatched him up by the collar, and aggressively slammed Finn's back into the wall.
"Fucking. Drop. It." Poe seethed, jaw and shoulders wound tight.
What the hell? As the shock of his actions rolled over me, my anger faded into the background, and Poe shook his head, looking at Finn as though in a daze.
"I… I'm sorry… I don't know why I did that…" Poe trailed off, releasing Finn to slump against the wall as he staggered backwards.
No. No. I didn't do that, Poe just lost his temper.
'Yes, you did.' Dark Rey appeared beside me.
I refused to look at her or acknowledge her, panic building in my belly at the implications of this exchange.
'The shadow in you has grown so strong, it bleeds off of you. You projected your anger onto him. You can do it to others too. Those in tune with the Force. Encourage them to act on feelings, corrupting them too in the process.' She explained, as though it were some casual biology lesson.
I was going to vomit. I was definitely going to vomit. I grabbed the nearest empty canister and emptied what little was in my stomach. Poe was at my side in an instant, "Rey! Are you alright?" He rubbed my back trying to soothe me as the tears fell. I shook my head numbly, I couldn't speak.
Kijimi was a wild ride.
I still hadn't made a decision, so I still hadn't taken action. I guess that was a pattern of mine.
So I followed the boys through Kijimi, nearly assaulted by Poe's former spice running gang, but with some smooth talking from Poe and vague physical comeuppance from me, we ended up in Babu Frik's workshop.
Finn couldn't seem to get over Poe's past profession, and I wondered ruefully how he'd feel about knowing a Sith doppelganger tormented me nearly every day. Which would he find more scandalous? Probably the latter.
Babu had removed the exterior panel of C3PO's head, and he was ready to begin the override. C3PO seemed a bit melancholy, I wondered after so many years if the droid really did have some semblance of feelings.
"Just taking one last look...at my friends." The droid said somberly.
Then Babu dove into the droid's head, sparking and crackling ensued. Suddenly, C3PO sat upright, his eyes tinted red. A loud whirring began, followed by a mechanical grinding, then the droid's head unit began to twitch.
Then, it powered down abruptly. Babu groaned and whined, trying to get C3PO to turn back on.
Nothing.
