March 8th, 2010

I woke up to someone violently pulling me up with their hand over my mouth. They pulled me over toward Sam and Dean's beds, and that's when I realized Sam was already sitting up, awake with someone else in a mask pointing a shotgun at him. The person manhandling me kicked me in the back of one of my knees, forcing me to drop down to the ground. Then I felt a barrel of a gun at the back of my head.

Dean started to stir with his hand carefully, searching around under his pillow.

"Looking for this?" the man holding me asked, as he removed the gun from my head but grabbed hold of my hair to show Dean.

Dean rolled over and took in the scene. "Mornin'."

"Shut up. Hands where I can see 'em," the man holding me said.

Dean raised his hands and sat up. "Wait a minute. Is that you, Roy?" he asked, staring at the man standing behind me. "It is, isn't it?" He looked at the man pointing a shotgun at Sam. "Which makes you Walt. Hiya, Walt."

Walt removed his mask and shrugged at Roy. "Don't matter."

"Well, is it just me, or do you two seem a tad upset?" Dean asked, trying to keep his cool.

"You think you can flip the switch on the Apocalypse and just walk away, Sam?" Walt asked.

Sam furrowed his brow. "Who told you that?"

"We ain't the only hunters after you." Walt pumped his shotgun. "See you in the next life."

"Hear me out. I can explain, okay? Please," Sam said calmly.

Walt paused for a second and then shot Sam, sending him back in a bloody mess on the bed, his chest completely ripped open. I jumped. My eyes almost popped out of my skull at the sight.

Dean and I both tried to move toward Sam, but Walt shifted his aim to Dean, and Roy ripped on my hair and placed the gun back on my head.

"Stay the hell down," Walt warned. "We'll take them out together."

Roy hesitated. "Killin' Sam was right, but Dean and Maddison…"

"They made us, and we just snuffed their brother, you idiot," Walt snapped, "You want to spend the rest of your life knowing Winchesters are on your ass? 'Cause I don't."

Dean glared at them. "Go ahead, do it. But I'm going to warn you. When I come back, I'm going to be pissed. C'mon! Let's get this show on the road."

Walt stepped forward and shot Dean in the chest, too, sending him back onto the bed, just like Sam.

"No!" I screamed, tears burning my eyes as I tried to pull away again.

Roy yanked on my hair but then released.

"What the hell are you doing, man?" Walt hissed.

"She's just a kid," Roy said.

"She won't be forever, and we will be her number one target," Walt said.

I popped the knife holster around my ankle open and whipped my knife out. "Damn right." I swung around and caught Roy in the leg, as close to his femoral artery as I could.

He immediately dropped down, screaming, blood bursting from his leg.

"No!" Walt yelled and then raised the shotgun to my face and pulled the trigger.


When I opened my eyes, I was sitting at a tiny plastic children's play table in an entirely different motel room. Then I realized on the table in front of me was a plastic tea set with a fake flower centerpiece. Across from me in the seat was my Barbie holding her GI Joe gun. Sam and Dean came out of the bathroom, but they looked a lot younger, Sam was closer to my age, and Dean looked about twenty, and they were both wearing tiaras.

I laughed. "I remember this, but I was like six." I shook my head. "What's going on?"

Neither of them answered and sat down in the two open seats next to me.

"Maddi? Are you sure you want us to wear these?" Dean asked, looking slightly embarrassed.

I remembered what I had said to him and smiled. "Yeah, Dean. It's a tea party, isn't it?"

"Yeah, Dean." Sam laughed and picked up his cup, pretending to drink the "tea" inside.

I had no idea what was going on, but I felt completely at peace for some reason.

"Well, in that case…" Dean smiled and pulled one of the fake flowers out of the tiny plastic vase in the center of the table and tucked it behind my ear into my hair. "There, now you're a princess too."

I smirked, remembering what I had said next. "I'm always a princess."

Dean laughed. "Yeah, that's true."

I smiled at this extremely vivid memory, but then there was an explosion, and I was back in the motel room with Walt and Roy. The shotgun went off in my face again, there was a flash of pain, and I remembered what had happened to me, to us. There was a flash of light, and I appeared back in the other motel room at the small table, but Sam and Dean were gone, and the room was dark.

I stood up and looked around me. "Hello?"

The radio behind me clicked on, and I jumped, looking behind me. I took a few steps toward it, and the dial turned on its own until there wasn't static anymore.

"Maddison!" Cass's voice came through very scratchy.

"Cass?" I asked.

"Yeah, it's me," Cass said.

"I— I think I'm dead, Cass. I think Sam and Dean are too," I said.

"Yes, I am very sorry," Cass said.

"Can you help me? Where am I?" I asked.

"Heaven," Cass said.

I raised my eyebrows, slightly surprised by this. "How the hell did I get into Heaven?"

"Please, listen," Cass said, "This spell, this connection, it's difficult to maintain. I already spoke with Dean."

"You did?" I asked, "Where is he? How do I find him?"

"Where are you? What can you see?" Cass asked.

"Uh, I'm in a motel room." I walked over to the window and looked out into the darkness. "Apparently, in the middle of nowhere, there's just a road."

"Good. Follow the road," Cass said, but the radio started to crackle. "Dean should be on it— If you follow the road, it will lead you both to Sam—" Then the radio died.

"Uh, all right then." I walked over to the door and opened it.

When I stepped out, the door shut behind me. When I turned around to see what had happened, the whole building was gone. I was just staring out into the woods.

I looked up at the moon. It was so bright. It felt like it was guiding me or something. So, I walked out onto the road and headed in the direction of the moon. I walked for a while, but there was nothing, but more road, until I saw lights shining from behind me. I turned around and saw the familiar lights of the Impala. I stepped over to the side of the road and held out my thumb like I was hitchhiking. When Dean pulled up and rolled down the window, I smiled and jumped into the front seat.

"I was hoping they would leave you alone, but I'm happy to see you," Dean said and continued driving down the road.

"It's good to see you too." I smiled and shrugged. "Who knows, we might find Roy kicking around here somewhere too."

Dean furrowed his brow. "What did you do?"

I shrugged. "I stabbed Roy in an artery before Walt shot me, so he probably bled out if they didn't get to a hospital in like four or five minutes." I looked over at Dean because he was silent, and I realized he was staring at me with wide eyes. "What?"

Dean cleared his throat and looked back at the road. "Nothing, uh… I'm not sure if I should be concerned or if I should be proud."

I smirked. "So, Cass said this road is supposed to take us to…" I leaned forward and realized a nice three-story house was coming into view. "Sam." I looked over at Dean. "Do you think he's in there?"

Dean shrugged. "Guess we'll have to check it out."


When Dean and I walked into the house, it smelled amazing, like a huge home-cooked dinner. Then we walked around the corner, and I realized why. Sam was wearing a white shirt and tie and was sitting at a huge dinner table with a little boy, a girl, and a man and a woman. In front of them was a beautifully displayed Thanksgiving feast.

Sam looked up at us when we walked into the dining room.

"Wow. Just wow." Dean chuckled.

"Guys? What are you doing in my dream?" Sam asked and stood up.

Dean shook his head and turned to walk into the living room. Sam and I followed, and the memory in the dining room continued playing out like it had the first time it happened.

"This isn't a dream, Sam," I said.

Dean nodded. "Roy and Walt killed us, remember?"

Sam thought for a second and nodded.

"Cass said we're in Heaven," I said.

Sam raised his eyebrows. "Heaven?"

Dean nodded. "Yup."

Sam shook his head. "Okay, how are we in Heaven?"

Dean shrugged. "All that clean living, I guess."

Sam shook his head. "No, no. Okay. You two… I get, sure. But me? Maybe you haven't noticed, but I've done a few things?"

I shrugged. "I mean, you had good intentions."

"Last I checked, it wasn't the road to Heaven that was paved with good intentions," Sam said.

Dean shrugged. "Yeah, well, if this is the Skymall, it sucks. I mean, where're the triplets and the latex, ya know? C'mon, a guy has needs."

I frowned at him in disgust.

Sam looked back at the scene playing out behind him. "You know when you bite the dust, they say your life flashes before your eyes."

"Your point?" Dean asked.

"This house, it's one of my memories," Sam said.

Dean nodded. "When I woke up, I woke up in one of my memories. The Fourth of July, we burned down that field."

I nodded. "Yeah, I woke up in one of mine, too." I smirked. "We were having a princess tea party."

Sam smiled. "Maybe that's what Heaven is… a place where you relive your greatest hits."

"Wait, so… playing footsie with brace-face in there? Then that's a trophy moment for you?" Dean asked.

Sam sighed. "Dean, I was eleven-years-old. This was my first real Thanksgiving."

"What are you talking about?" Dean asked. "We had Thanksgiving every year."

Sam rolled his eyes. "We had a bucket of extra-crispy, and Dad passed out on the couch."

Suddenly, there was a rumbling sound from outside, and we looked around us.

Sam shook his head. "I don't remember this."

The lights went out, but the family in the next room continued eating, and then the house started to shake.

"Hey," Dean said, "We should, uh…"

Sam nodded. "Definitely."

We took off to the corner of the room, and each picked a spot to hide. The house started to shake more, 'causing the pictures to fall off of the wall and break, and a searchlight streamed in through the window. Random furniture started to lose balance and topple over from the violent shaking. Then suddenly it stopped, the searchlight disappeared, and the lights came back on in the house. We all moved from our hiding places, and the family was still eating and talking in the background.

Dean rushed over to a radio on a table and started messing with it.

"Okay, what the hell was that?" Sam asked.

Dean shook his head. "I don't know, but we are taking the escalator back downstairs." He hit the radio. "Cass!"

"What are you doing?" Sam asked.

"What's it look like?" Dean asked.

"Like you've lost your mind," Sam said.

Dean gave Sam a look of exasperation.

I shrugged. "Cass talked to me through a radio earlier."

Dean nodded. "Yeah, me too, so…" He smacked the radio again. "Cass!"

The TV behind us clicked on, and we turned to see a static-y image of Cass flickering on the screen.

"I can hear you," Cass said.

"Cass. Hey! So, I, uh, I found them but— but something just happened. There was this weird beam of light," Dean said.

"Don't go into the light," Cass warned.

"Okay. Thanks, Carol Ann. What was it?" Dean asked.

"Not what… whom. Zachariah. He's searching for you," Cass said.

"And if he finds us?" Sam asked.

"You can't say yes to Michael and Lucifer if you're dead, so Zachariah needs to return you to your bodies," Cass explained.

"Great!" Sam shouted. "Problem solved."

Cass shook his head. "No. You don't understand. You, hmm— You're behind the wall. This is a rare opportunity."

"For what?" Dean asked.

"You need to find an angel. His name is Joshua," Cass said.

Dean shook his head. "Hey, man, no offense, but we are kind of ass full of angels, okay. You find him."

"I can't. I can't return to Heaven," Cass said.

"Why do we need to find Joshua?" I asked.

"The rumor is, he talks to God," Cass said.

"And so?" Dean asked.

"You think maybe… just maybe… we should find out what the hell God has been saying?" Cass snapped.

"Jeez. Touchy," Dean said, making a face at Cass.

Cass sighed. "Please. I just need you to follow the road."

"What road?" Sam asked.

"It's called the Axis Mundi. It's a path that runs through Heaven. Different people see it as different things," Cass explained, "For you, it's two-lane asphalt. The road will lead you to the Garden. You'll find Joshua there. And Joshua… can take us to God." The picture started to break up. "The Garden. Quick. Hurry." Then the TV died.

Sam sighed. "So… what do you think?"

Dean shrugged. "I think we hit the yellow bricks. Find this Joshua cat."

Sam looked surprised. "Really?"

"What? You don't?" Dean asked.

Sam shook his head. "No, uh. I'm just surprised you do. Last time I checked, you wanted to break God's nose, now you think he can help?"

"He's the only one who can. I mean, come on, Sam. We are royally boned. So prayer…? The last hope of a desperate man," Dean said.

After that, we walked out onto the front porch, but instead of looking at the road and Impala, we were facing woods.

"Uh, wasn't there a street out here?" Sam asked.

Dean nodded. "There was." He shrugged. "Huh…" Then he turned back into the house and started looking around.

"What are you looking for?" I asked.

"Looking for a road," Dean said and opened a closet.

"You—" Sam furrowed his brow. "You think the road is in a closet?"

Dean flicked the light on in the closet. "We're in Heaven, Sam, okay? I mean, our memories are coming true. Cass is on TV. Finding a road in a closet would be pretty much the most…" He hesitated for a second as he glanced down at the floor in the closet. "Normal thing to happen to us today." Then he knelt.

"What is it?" I asked.

Dean picked up a small blue matchbox car and held it up. "I used to have one of these… when I was a kid," he said and put it on a track in front of him.


In a flash, we appeared in a little boy's room. Dean was now wearing different clothes, and Sam was now wearing his regular clothes.

"That was the road?" Sam asked.

"I guess," Dean said and stood up, looking around the room, which was when I noticed his new T-shirt and smirked. "Kind of trippy, right?"

"Yeah." Sam nodded and pointed at Dean's T-shirt. "More trippy. Um. Apparently, you 'wuv hugs.'"

I smirked. "Aw, it's so cute."

Dean frowned. "Shut up."

Sam laughed, and we all looked around the room. It was filled with toy cars, and the tiny bed had a cowboy theme going on.

"Wait a minute," Dean said, "I know where we are."

"Where?" Sam asked.

"We're home," Dean said.

"Dean…" Mary's voice echoed through the hallway, and then she appeared in the door, looking beautiful like always. "Hey, Dean. You hungry?"

I glanced up at my brothers. Both of them were staring at her in awe.

We followed Mary down to the kitchen, where Dean sat down at the table, while Mary poured him a glass of milk with a smile.

She then set a sandwich down in front of Dean. "You want the crust cut off?"

Dean nodded. "Yeah. I'd love that."

"Mom?" Sam asked.

Mary continued to look at Dean and didn't acknowledge Sam.

"I guess this is not your memory, Sam. Sorry," Dean said.

"Dean, uh. We should… go. Keep looking for the road," Sam said.

"Just— Just give me a minute, okay?" Dean asked, still staring up at his mother as she cut the crusts off of his sandwich.

"Dean…" Sam said.

"Sam. Please. One minute," Dean said.

Sam nodded reluctantly, and then Mary ruffled Dean's hair before walking away from the table.

Ring! Ring! Ring!

Mary walked over and picked the phone up off of the wall. "Hello?" (…) "No, John." (…) "We're not having this conversation again." (…) "Think about what?" (…) "You have two boys at home."

"I remember this. Mom and Dad were fighting, and then he moved out for a couple days," Dean said.

"Dad always said they had the perfect marriage," Sam said.

Dean shook his head. "It wasn't perfect until after she died."

"Fine. Then don't," Mary said. (…) "There's nothing more to talk about." She hung up and turned away from Dean so he couldn't see her start to cry.

"What happens next?" Sam asked.

Dean walked to her and pulled her into a hug. "It's okay, Mom. Dad still loves you. I love you, too. I'll never leave you."

I shook my head, realizing how young he was when he started covering for Dad.

Mary pulled away and cupped his face with her hands. "You are my little angel." She smiled widely. "How 'bout some pie?"

Dean nodded.

Mary smiled. "Okay."

Dean turned toward Sam and me when she moved away to grab the pie. "What?"

Sam shook his head. "I just never realized how long you've been cleaning up Dad's messes."

Dean frowned and brushed it off. "Whatever. Let's keep moving."

We searched around the house for a while, looking for any clue.

Then Sam rummaged through a drawer and pulled out a Route 66 postcard. "I've seen this somewhere before."

"Where?" Dean asked.


In a flash, we appeared in an old run-down shack, with postcards, including the Route 66 one tacked all over the walls. Sam's clothes had changed slightly, and Dean was back to wearing his regular clothes.

"Where are we?" I asked.

Sam looked around the room happily. "No way." Then a golden retriever ran into the room, and he bent down and started calling it over. "Bones! Hey, come here! Come here!"

The dog ran up to him and started licking his face, and Sam laughed happily.

"Bones?" Dean asked.

Sam nodded. "Yeah. Bones was my dog." He stood up and walked over to a coffee table, and opened up a pizza box.

"Your— Your dog?" Dean asked.

Sam nodded. "Yeah."

"How did you have a dog?" I asked.

Sam sat down on the couch and pulled out a piece of pizza, and handed some to Bones.

Dean looked around the room, unhappy. "Is this Flagstaff?"

Sam smiled. "Yeah." He pet Bones happily. "Hey, boy."

"This is a good memory for you?" Dean asked, annoyed.

Sam laughed. "Yeah. I mean, I was on my own for two weeks. I lived on Funyuns and Mr. Pibb." He fed Bones more of the pizza.

"Wow." Dean scoffed.

"What?" Sam asked.

"Well, you don't remember, do you? You ran away on my watch. I looked everywhere for you. I thought you were dead. And when Dad came home…" Dean shook his head.

Sam looked guilty, and then Dean turned away, shaking his head. "Dean, look, I'm sorry. I never thought about it like that."

"Forget it. Let's roll," Dean said and started searching around the room.

That's when I spotted my poorly painted black Barbie car and ran to it. "Hey, look." I smiled.


I appeared in a darkly lit motel room in a flash, looking up at glow-in-the-dark stars on the ceiling. I was clutching my car like it was a teddy bear, and I looked next to me and realized my head was resting on a younger Dean's arm, and on my other side was a younger Sam.

"You remember this?" Dean asked, now standing above me, looking down.

I laughed. "Yeah, I loved this night." I stood up and realized I was wearing a huge, oversized T-shirt that went down past my knees like I used to wear to bed as a little kid.

"Really?" Sam asked hesitantly.

I shrugged. "Yeah, why wouldn't I? It was my fifth birthday, and Dad was running late on a hunt. So, you guys built a pillow fort and put glow in the dark stars on the ceiling so we could camp out under the stars."

Dean smiled and nodded. "I remember. Let's get going," he said, trying to rush us along, but I wanted to watch for a little longer.

The younger version of Sam stood up and walked off into the bathroom.

"Wait… do you remember this?" I asked.

"What?" Dean asked.

"This is when I asked you what your biggest dream was," I said, "And you said—"

Young Dean sighed, and we spoke in unison. "To see you follow yours."

"How do you remember that?" Dean asked.

I looked back at him. "How could I forget it?"

Dean smiled, looking on at the memory fondly. "Let's go."

"Wait, I want to see what happens next. I don't remember," I said as young Sam walked back out to join the memory.

Dean waved it off. "You just fell asleep."

I frowned, slightly disappointed. "Oh…"

Sam walked over and opened the door. "Yeah, we should keep moving."

That's when Dad walked in, looking totally drunk.

"He was out drinking?" I asked, feeling a little heartbroken.

"Let's just go, Maddi. You don't need to remember this," Sam said, and Dean tried to pull me out the door.

I shook my head and pulled my arm away. "No, I want to see what happened."

Dad flipped the lights on and then jumped like something had grabbed him. "Maddison!" He laughed half-heartedly and then patted the air like he was patting a little kid's head. "You should be asleep." He shot young Dean a dirty look. He walked past the pillow fort. "Put the room back together. We're leaving tomorrow." Then he flopped onto his bed with his shoes still on and immediately passed out.

I nodded, staring at Dad in disappointment, and I felt tears well in my eyes.

"Come on, Maddi," young Dean said and switched the lights off, then he held his hand out like he was walking with a little kid. "Let's just lay back under the stars." (…) "I know what Dad said, but we'll worry about it tomorrow." He laid back down. "Dad's just sleepy."

I turned to Dean and hugged him. "Thank you." I sniffled. "For always being there when he wasn't."

Dean rubbed my back and rested his head on mine for a moment.

I pulled away. "Let's go." I wiped a tear from my cheek and walked out the door.

My clothes immediately changed back to normal, and we were just standing on a street across from an old house with a wrap-around porch. When I looked back, the motel was gone.

Sam tapped his foot nervously.

"What memory is this?" Dean asked.

"No idea." Sam sniffed. "All right, come on. Road. God. Remember?" he asked, trying to rush us along.

I looked around, and Dean and I made eye contact, both of us realizing where we were.

"I remember this," I said.

"This…?" Dean asked, looking at Sam accusingly. "This is the night you ditched us for Stanford, isn't it?"

"This is a good memory for you?" I asked, hurt.

Dean nodded. "This is your idea of Heaven? Wow." He laughed and shook his head. "This was one of the worst nights of my life."

Sam shrugged, looking ashamed. "I can't control this stuff."

"Seriously?" Dean asked.

"I don't know. I mean, I was on my own. I finally got away from Dad," Sam said.

Dean turned away in disappointment. "Yeah, he wasn't the only one you got away from."

Sam sighed. "I'm sorry. I just, uh—"

Dean nodded. "I know. You didn't, you didn't think of it like that." He put his hand on my back, and we started walking down the road away from Sam.

"Dean!" Sam shouted.

"Come on!" Dean yelled and turned back to Sam. "Your Heaven is somebody else's Thanksgiving. Okay? It's bailing on your family. What do you want me to say?"

"Man, I never got the crusts cut off my PB&J." Sam sighed and shook his head. "I just don't look at family the way you do."

Dean nodded. "Yeah, but we're your family."

Sam looked down. "I know…"

"I mean, we're supposed to be a team. It's supposed to be the three of us against the world, right?" Dean asked.

"Dean, it is!" Sam shouted.

Dean hesitated. "Is it?"

Sam looked devastated, but before he could answer, the searchlight hit us.

"Go! Go!" Dean shouted, and we took off toward the woods.

We ran through the trees and eventually spotted a huge log. We jumped over it and hid behind it.

"Wow," Zachariah's voice echoed through the woods. "Running from angels. On foot. In Heaven. With out-of-the-box thinking like that, I'm surprised you haven't stopped the Apocalypse already." With the snap of his fingers, it was daytime. "What's the problem? I just want to send you back to Earth, that's all."

We peeked over the log to see Zachariah standing a few yards away with his back to us.

"I mean, that is after I tear you a cosmos of new ones. You're on my turf now, kids. And by the time I'm through with you, you're going to be begging to say yes!" Zachariah shouted.

The three of us took the opportunity to take off running. We were at a full sprint when Zachariah appeared directly in front of us.

He laughed. "Guys, come on. You can run, but you can't run."

We turned and took off in the direction we had come from, but this time we were halted by a slim figure in a color mask and a gold cape.

The figure lifted one finger to its mouth. "Shh." It waved for us to follow. "Hurry! This way." It led us to a small wooden shack and scribbled some symbols on the rusted door, and then opened it for us.

Once inside, it didn't take long to realize we were standing in the Roadhouse.

"Wait. Who are you?" Sam asked.

The figure pulled off its mask and cape to reveal Ash. "Buenos dias, bitches."

I laughed and smiled, happy to see him.

"Ash?" Dean asked with a smile.

Ash clapped his hands, and music started playing, and the lights came on, revealing the bar at its finest. He spread his arms out. "Welcome to my Blue Heaven."

"Good god, the Roadhouse." Dean smiled as he looked around. "It even smells the same."

Ash picked up his mask and cape. "Bud, blood, and beer nuts. It's the best smell in the world." He walked over behind the bar and snapped his fingers. "How 'bout a cold one? Up here? No hangover."

We each took a seat at the bar.

"So…" Sam said, "No offense…"

"How did a dirtbag like me end up in a place like this?" Ash asked, interrupting Sam. "I've been saved, man. I was my congregation's number one snake handler."

Sam smiled. "And you said this was your Heaven?"

"Yup! My own… personal…" Ash shot-gunned a beer and then burped.

"And when the angels jumped us?" Sam asked. "We were—"

"In your Heaven," Ash said.

"So, there're two Heavens?" Sam asked.

Ash shook his head. "No. More like a hundred billion. So, no worries, it'll take those angel boys a minute to catch up."

Dean shook his head, completely confused. "What?"

"See, you gotta stop thinking of Heaven as one place. It's more like a butt-load of places all crammed together. Like Disneyland except without all the anti-Semitism," Ash said.

"Disneyland?" Sam asked.

Ash nodded. "Mm-hmm. Yeah. See you got Winchester-Land." He held his hands out, indicating the bar. "Ash-Land." He pointed outside. "A whole mess of everybody-else-lands. Put them all together: Heaven. Right? At the center of it all? Is the Magic Kingdom… The Garden."

Dean nodded. "So everybody gets a little slice of paradise."

"Pretty much. A few people share… special cases. What not," Ash said.

"Special?" I asked.

Ash shrugged. "Aw, you know. Like, uh, soul-mates." There was silence, and then he nodded. "Anyway. Most people can't leave their own private Idahos."

"But you ain't most people," Dean said.

Ash shook his head. "Nope. They ain't got my skills. Hell, I've been all over. Johnny Cash. André, the Giant." He looked at Sam. "Einstein. Sam, that man can mix a White Russian. Hell, the other day? I found Mallanaga Vatsyayana."

I furrowed my brow. "Who?"

Ash shrugged. "He wrote the Kama Sutra. Huh, that boy's Heaven? Ah, sweaty. Confusing."

"All this from a guy who used to sleep on a pool table." Dean smirked.

Ash nodded. "Yeah. Now that I'm dead, I'm living, man, a whole lot more."

"So, how'd you find us?" Sam asked.

"I rigged up my very own…" Ash pulled a laptop out from under the bar. "Holy-rolling police scanner." He hit the power button, and it started up, showing a mess of graphs, and then a high-pitched sound started coming out of the speakers. "That's angels. Blabbing Enochian, okay? I'm fluent." He turned the laptop off and slipped it back under the bar. "I heard that you were up. Of course, I had to come find you. Again."

"Again?" Dean asked, surprised.

Ash shook his head. "This ain't your first time here. I mean, you boys die more than anyone I've ever met." He pointed at me. "Your first time, though."

"Really?" Dean asked.

Ash nodded. "Ah, yeah… you don't remember." He shook his head. "God! Angels. Must've Windexed your brain."

"So, uh. I mean, have you found anybody else? Ellen and Jo?" Sam asked.

Ash looked taken aback. "Ellen and Jo are dead?"

Sam nodded sadly. "Uh, yeah. Yeah. A few months now. Sorry."

Ash took a moment to compose himself. "What about the kid?"

"He's still alive," I said.

Ash nodded, slightly relieved, and took a deep breath. "Um, hmm. Uh, they went down fighting?"

Sam nodded. "Yeah, 'til the end."

"Yeah, a lot of good it did," Dean snapped, "How 'bout our folks?"

"I've been looking all over for John Winchester, Mary too, but so far: nada." Ash shook his head. "I'm sorry. But hey! There is somebody that wants to jaw with you. Hold up."

He left the bar and walked into the back room. Then he walked back out with Pamela in tow.

Sam smiled. "Pamela!"

Pamela smiled, and I realized her eyes were back to normal. "Nice to see you again."

Sam and Ash went off to work on the computer, and Dean, Pamela, and I stayed at the bar.

"So!" Dean shouted awkwardly.

"So." Pamela reached over and swatted Dean lightly on the side of the head. "That's for getting me killed."

Dean nodded. "Yeah. That's… probably less than I deserve. Makes you feel any better… we got Ash killed too."

Ash raised his hands in a rock salute. "I'm cool with it!" he shouted and snapped his fingers.

"He's cool with it. So, you— you good?" Dean asked.

Pamela nodded. "I'm good. Really. Remember my death scene? Gutshot. Coughing blood. You told me I was going someplace better."

"I was lying," Dean said.

"You were right!" Pamela shouted. "My Heaven? It is one long show at the Meadowlands. It's amazing! You should see it."

Dean nodded. "Yeah."

Pamela furrowed her brow. "You don't believe me."

Dean shook his head. "No, I do, it's just, ya know… spending eternity trapped in your own little universe while the angels run the show. That's lonely. Ya know? That's not Nirvana. That's the Matrix."

Pamela shrugged. "I don't know. Attic's still better than the basement."

"Yeah, but…" Dean held his hand out, gesturing around the room. "You know this place feels real, but it's Memorex. Real is down there."

Pamela nodded. "Yeah, well, close enough. Look, Dean, I'm happy. I'm at peace."

"What? Are you trying to sell me a timeshare? I mean, what's with the pitch?" Dean asked.

Pamela chuckled. "I know that Michael wants to take you out for a test drive."

Dean shook his head. "Pamela—"

"Just saying. What happens if you play ball with them?" Pamela shrugged. "Worst case?"

"A lot of people die," Dean said.

Pamela nodded. "And then they come here. Is that really so bad? Look. Maybe… you don't have to fight it so hard. That's all I'm trying to say."

I was not enjoying her encouraging Dean, but the most concerning part was that he wasn't protesting.

"Hey!" Ash shouted. "Found a shortcut to the Garden." He gave us a thumbs-up, and Pamela returned it. "Oh yeah."

He stood up and grabbed the Come in We're Open sign, and flipped it over to draw another sigil I had never seen before.

"All-Access Pass to the Magic Kingdom," he said.

Dean nodded. "Good."

Ash turned and gave him a look.

"Not good?" Dean asked.

"That Zachary fella's going to be watching every road to the Garden," Ash said.

Dean nodded.

Pamela pulled Sam into a hug. "Watch your ass." Sam pulled away and nodded, and then she hugged me. "Stay strong, girl." She pulled away and looked at Dean. "And Dean."

Dean reached out for his hug, but Pamela pulled his head down and kissed him, then finally pulled away after a few seconds.

"Yup. Just how I imagined." She patted his cheek and chuckled.

"I don't mean to be a downer or anything, but… I'm sure I'll see you again soon," Ash said.

"Well, keep a sixer on ice for us," Dean said.

Ash nodded. "Yeah." He opened the door for us, and we walked out.


When we walked through the door, we entered the living room at the house in Lawrence, but it was dark and empty.

"What the— Why're we back home?" Dean asked.

Sam shook his head. "I don't know. So what are we going to do?"

Dean shrugged. "Keep looking for the road again, I guess."

"Honey," Mary said, appearing in the doorway. "Why are you up?"

Dean sighed. "Look. I'm— I'm sorry. I love you, but you're not real, and we don't have time—"

"Did you have another nightmare?" Mary asked. "Tell me."

Dean shook his head. "I gotta go."

"Then how 'bout I tell you my nightmare, Dean?" Mary glared at him. "The night I burned." Then blood seeped through Mary's nightgown on her stomach.

"Let's get out of here," Dean said, shakily, and then we rushed around to look for the next path.

"Don't you walk away from me," Mary demanded, causing Dean to stop. "I never loved you."

"Dean, don't listen to this," I said and continued to search.

Mary snapped me a look. "Shut up, you abomination." Then she looked back at Dean. "You were my burden. I was shackled to you. Look what it got me." She blinked, and her eyes turned yellow, and Dean just froze.

"Dean," Sam said.

Dean turned to us, and he looked completely broken and devastated. Then the lights in the house turned on and changed color, taking on a sickly green hue. The doors disappeared, and Mary blinked, returning her eyes to normal.

"The worst was the smell," Mary continued, "The pain, well. What can you say about your skin bubbling off? But the smell was so— You know, for a second, I thought I'd left a pot roast burning in the oven. But… it was my meat."

Dean moved away and started searching the wall that used to be a doorway.

"And then, finally, I was dead. The one silver lining was that at least I was away from you." Mary took a deep breath. "Everybody leaves you, Dean. You noticed? Mommy. Daddy. Sam." She nodded at me. "Even the whore's daughter will leave you one day."

I was just furious, looking at the pain on my brother's faces. I didn't care what she was saying, I knew it wasn't true, but this image of her was intended to hurt them, break them down.

"You ever ask yourself why? Maybe it's not them. Maybe, it's you." Mary chuckled as Dean's eyes filled with tears.

"All right!" I shouted, "That's enough!" I stepped in between her and Dean and looked up at him. "You know your mother would never say this, right?" I asked. "This is all that dick of an angel."

"Oh, just drop it. Your mother stole my husband and slept with the demon that killed me. No one wants to hear what you have to say," Mary snapped.

I turned to her. "I really don't care what you say about my mother because guess what? I hate her too. But you are done hurting my brothers." I looked up at the ceiling. "Zachariah! You've got us, bring it on, you spineless di—"

"Easy now, kitten," Zachariah said, appearing behind Mary and smirking at me. "I'm just getting started. I mean, guys. Did you really think you could just sneak past me into Mission Control?"

Sam shook his head. "You son of a bitch."

Angel goons appeared, grabbing us from behind and holding us in place with no issue.

"You know, I'd say the same thing about you, Sam, but I have actually grown quite fond of your mother. Or at least the Blessed Memory of her," Zachariah said, as he moved Mary's hair and then bent down and kissed her neck. "I think we're going to be logging a lot of quality time together. I've discovered she's quite the… MILF."

"You're f'd up, dude," I said, looking at him in disgust.

"You can gloat all you want, you dick, you're still bald," Dean snapped.

"In Heaven, I have six wings and four faces, one of whom is a lion. You see this because you're…" Zachariah ran his fingers down Mary's arm. "Limited." He glared at Dean. "Now bite your tongue, or once I'm finished with you, I will send you back and keep your sweet, supple little sister here with your mother and me." He smiled at me devilishly. "I like your spunk, kid. I'm sure when you're older, we could have a lot of fun together."

I felt my stomach twist at the thought. Mary smiled evilly, and then he snapped his fingers, and she disappeared. Dean put his hand on my shoulder and then put himself between Zachariah and me.

"Let's brass tack this, shall we?" Zachariah asked.

"You gonna ball-gag us until we say yes?" Dean asked. "Huh, yeah, I've heard that one too."

Zachariah stepped up to Dean and slammed his fist into his stomach, causing Dean to fold over with a pained groan. "I'm going to do a lot more than that. I've cleared my schedule. Get him up."

The goon held Dean up, and Zachariah punched him again.

"Let me tell you something. I was on the fast track once. Employee of the month, every month, forever. I would walk these halls, and people would avert their eyes!" The house rumbled and shook as Zachariah yelled, "I had respect! And then they assigned me you. Now, look at me." He chuckled unhappily. "I can't close the deal on a couple of flannel-wearing maggots? Everybody's laughing at me… and they're right to do it. So!" He glared at Dean. "Say yes, don't say yes. I'm still going to take it out on your asses. It's personal now, and the last person in the history of creation you want as your enemy is me. And I'll tell you why. Lucifer may be strong, but I'm… petty. I'm going to be the angel on your shoulder for the rest of eternity."

"Excuse me. Sir?" a quiet, gentle voice asked.

I turned to see an older, sweet-looking man standing in the corner of the room.

"I'm in a meeting," Zachariah snapped.

"I'm sorry. I need to speak to those three," the man said.

"Excuse me?" Zachariah asked, shocked.

"It's a bad time, I know, but I'm afraid I have to insist," the man said.

"You don't get to insist jack-squat," Zachariah snapped.

The man just stared at Zachariah. "No, you're right. But the boss does. His orders."

"You're lying," Zachariah said, sounding slightly nervous.

"I wouldn't lie about this." The man shrugged. "Look, fire me if you want. Sooner or later, he's going to come back home, and you know how he is with that whole wrath thing."

Zachariah looked at us and then back at the man. There was a sound like a fluttering of wings, and then he and his goons vanished.


We appeared in the center of a botanical garden.

"This is Heaven's Garden?" Sam asked, unimpressed as he looked around.

"It's— It's nice… ish. I guess," Dean said.

I looked around and realized where we were. "It's the Cleve—"

"Land Botanical Gardens, yes," the man said, "You see what you want here. For some, it's God's throne room… for others, it's Eden. You three, it's the Cleveland Botanical Gardens. Your dad brought you here for a day trip."

"You're Joshua?" Sam asked.

Joshua nodded. "I'm Joshua."

"So, you talk to God," Sam said.

"Mostly, he talks to me," Joshua said.

"Well, we need to speak to him. It's important," Sam said.

"Where is he?" Dean asked.

"On Earth," Joshua said.

"Doing what?" Dean asked.

Joshua shook his head. "I don't know."

"Do you know where on Earth?" Sam asked.

Joshua shook his head. "No, sorry. We don't exactly speak face-to-face."

"I— I don't get it." Dean shook his head angrily. "God's not talking to nobody, so—"

"Why's he talking to me. I sometimes think it's because I can sympathize… gardener to gardener… and, between us, I think he gets lonely," Joshua said.

"Well, my heart's breaking for him." Dean scoffed.

"Well, can you at least get him a message for us?" Sam asked.

"Actually, he has a message for you," Joshua said, "Back off."

I furrowed my brow, angry. "What?"

"He knows already. Everything you want to tell him," Joshua said.

Dean shook his head. "But—"

"He knows what the angels are doing. He knows that the Apocalypse has begun. He just doesn't think it's his problem," Joshua said.

"Not his problem?" Dean asked, stunned.

"God saved you already. He put you on that plane. He brought back Castiel. He granted you salvation in Heaven…" Joshua looked directly at Sam. "And after everything you've done too. It's more than he's intervened in a long time. He's finished. Magic amulet or not, you won't be able to find him."

"But he can stop it. He can stop all of it," Dean said.

Joshua nodded. "I suppose he could, but he won't."

"Why not?" Dean snapped.

"Why does he allow evil in the first place?" Joshua asked and shook his head. "You could drive yourself nuts, asking questions like that."

Dean shook his head out of disgust. "So, he's just going to sit back and watch the world burn?"

"I know how important this was to you, Dean. I'm sorry," Joshua said, honestly.

"Forget it," Dean said emotionally, "Just another dead-beat dad with a bunch of excuses, right. I'm used to that. I'll muddle through."

"Except… you don't know if you can, this time. You can't kill the Devil, and you're losing faith in yourself, your brother, and now this?" Joshua asked.

I looked up at Dean and could see how truly hurt he was.

"God was your last hope," Joshua said, "I just— I wish I could tell you something different."

"How do we know you're telling the truth?" Sam asked.

"You think that I would lie?" Joshua asked.

"It's just that… you're not exactly the first angel we've met," Sam said.

"I'm rooting for you, kids! I wish I could do more to help you. I do! But… I just trim the hedges," Joshua said.

Dean shrugged. "So, what now?"

"You go home again. I'm afraid this time won't be like the last. This time, God wants you…" Joshua lifted his hands. "To remember." Then there was a whooshing sound and a bright light.


Then we all woke up in a gasp, back at the motel, covered in our own blood, but without the wounds.

"You all right?" Sam asked.

"Define all right," Dean said.

I reached over and grabbed my blood-covered knife that was sitting in a huge puddle of blood that led out of the room and stood up.

"What happened?" Sam asked, staring at the blood leading out of the room.

I shrugged and started wiping Roy's blood off of the blade with my T-shirt. "I'm assuming by the amount of blood, I killed Roy."

Sam's eyes widened, and he nodded, without asking any more questions. Dean reached over, grabbed his phone, dialed a number, and then explained everything to Cass.


Cass paced around the room, looking lost and without hope. "Maybe— Maybe Joshua was lying."

"I don't think he was, Cass. I'm sorry." Sam sighed.

Cass looked up. "You son of a bitch. I believed in—" He looked back at us at a loss and pulled Dean's amulet out of his pocket. "I don't need this anymore." He tossed it to Dean. "It's worthless." He turned away.

"Cass. Wait," Sam said.

With a flap of his unseen wings, Cass vanished. Dean stared intensely at the necklace in his hands.

"We'll find another way. We can still stop all this, Dean," Sam said.

"How?" Dean asked, looking hopeless himself.

Sam shook his head. "I don't know, but we'll find it. The three of us, we'll find it."

Dean shook his head, picked up his bag, and then walked to the door. He opened the door, but before he walked out, he dropped the amulet in the trash. Sam looked down and took a deep breath, looking hurt, before grabbing his bag and following Dean out. I sighed and walked to the door, but before I stepped out, I pulled the amulet out of the trash and stuffed it into my pocket.