April 9th – April 10th, 2010
After driving most of the night in the pouring rain, Dean decided to pull over at a random motel in the middle of nowhere. Even though there didn't seem to be any building for miles before the motel, there were tons of cars, and it seemed to be brightly lit inside. So, when Dean parked the car, we quickly grabbed our stuff and ran in, completely soaked.
There was nice music playing, the place honestly looked beautiful, and it was totally packed.
"Whew. Nice digs, for once. Busy night," Dean said, looking around.
"Any port in a storm, I guess." The front desk attendant chuckled. "If you could just fill this out, please." He slid a clipboard along the counter toward us.
Dean nodded, and we walked up to the desk. "Yeah."
"Sir, I think…" The attendant pointed to Dean's neck, and I realized he had a tiny bit of fresh blood right under his jaw. "Shaving nick there." He handed Dean a tissue and then held out our room key. "Your key."
"Oh. Thanks. Hey, you wouldn't happen to have a coffee shop, would you?" Dean asked.
The attendant nodded. "Buffet. All you can eat. Best pie in the tri-state area."
Dean smiled happily. "You don't say?"
Dean and I left Sam at a booth to sample the huge line of pies in the buffet's dessert corner.
"These are amazing." I smiled after tasting the eighth flavor of pie.
"I know." Dean smiled. "We need to stay at more places like this."
"Heaven, right?" a man asked who was stuffing his face next to us.
Dean scoffed. "Trust me, pal… better."
Once we loaded up our plates, we turned back to our table, but Dean was distracted by a beautiful lady who was sitting by herself.
"How you doin'?" Dean asked.
The woman didn't even look at Dean. "No."
Dean smirked. "But—"
The woman rolled her eyes. "No."
Dean chuckled nervously. "Oh, lady, I'm just, ya know—"
The woman nodded. "I understand. And no."
Dean nodded. "Ten-four."
Then we continued to our seats, where Sam was sitting, looking very uncomfortable.
"Sam, unpucker, man. Eat something," Dean said.
"We should hit the road, Dean," Sam said.
"In this storm?" Dean asked and shook his head. "It— It's—"
Sam nodded. "It's biblical. Exactly. It— It's friggin' Noah's ark out there, and we're eating pie."
"How many hours of sleep did you get this week?" Dean asked, "What? Three? Four? Bobby's got his feelers out, okay? We have talked with every hoodoo man and root woman in twelve states."
Sam nodded. "Yeah, well, I'm not giving up."
"Nobody's giving up. Especially me. We're gonna find a way to beat the Devil, okay?" Dean asked. "Soon. I can feel it. And we will find Cass, we'll find Adam. But you are no good to us burnt out."
Sam nodded. "Yeah. Yeah, okay."
"Come on, we've actually got the night off for once. Let's try to enjoy it," Dean said.
Sam nodded reluctantly. "Yeah, okay."
When we finished eating, we walked to our room and passed a couple who were making out in front of their door. Dean pointed to them and smiled.
"Oh, what are you, twelve?" Sam asked, unimpressed.
Dean scoffed. "I'm young at heart." We stopped in front of our door, he unlocked it, and the door creaked open with a slight shove. "Wow." He whistled. "Look at this. We're like Rockefellers."
He wasn't wrong. This was definitely the nicest place we had ever stayed. It wasn't dingy and dirty like everywhere else. For once, I was actually excited to stay at a motel.
"Chocolates!" Dean shouted as he stood at the head of the beds. "You want yours?" he asked Sam.
Sam shook his head. "Knock yourself out."
Dean snatched both chocolates and then looked at me with guilt in his eyes, so I shot him puppy dog eyes.
He sighed. "Fine."
Then he tossed me one of the chocolates before quickly switching his attention to the TV guide.
"Whoa. Casa Erotica 13 on-demand," he said as though he was impressed.
Sam scoffed and shook his head.
Dean shrugged. "What?"
"Isn't this place… in the middle of nowhere?" Sam asked.
Dean nodded. "So?"
"So what's a four-star hotel doing on a no-star highway?" Sam asked.
I nodded. "That is kinda true."
A woman moaned in pleasure on the other side of the wall. I stared at the wall in horror and blushed, feeling awkward listening to this with my brothers. Then there was a rhythmic thumping sound and giggling.
"Okay." Sam rushed over to the remote and clicked the TV on, and turned the volume up. "That's better." He looked at me. "Right?"
Then we jumped when there was a loud thud, accompanied by bricks being indented into our room, almost knocking the TV off the wall. We all stared at each other for a moment and then ran into the next room.
We opened the door, but the room was empty.
"Hello?" Sam and Dean asked in unison.
Sam walked over to the bathroom and pushed the door open but turned to us and shook his head.
As we turned to leave, something caught my eye. I bent down and picked up a huge engagement ring and held it up to Sam and Dean.
After that, we rushed to the front desk to ask the attendant a few things.
"The, uh, the room next to ours… the— the couple that is, uh, joined at the lips… have you seen them?" Dean asked.
"Mr. and Mrs. Logan… the honeymooners?" the attendant asked. "They checked out. Is something the matter?"
I furrowed my brow. "They checked out? When?"
The attendant nodded. "Mm-hmm. Just now."
"Really?" Sam asked. "It sort of seemed like they were, uh…" He chuckled. "In the middle of something."
Dean nodded. "Yeah, it's kind of weird for honeymooners to, uh, check out without this." He held up the engagement ring.
"Oh, dear." The attendant took the ring from Dean. "I'll just put that right in the lost and found. Don't you worry." He smiled. "Is there anything else I can help you with?"
"Uh, no." Dean shook his head. "No, we're good."
The attendant smiled. "Super-fantastic."
We turned and walked away.
"Creepy," Sam whispered.
Dean nodded. "Broke the needle." He sighed. "All right, well, I'll scope out the joint, and you two keep an eye on Norman Bates over here. I mean, one night off. Is that too much to ask?" He shook his head and walked away.
Sam and I waited for the attendant to leave his desk, and then we followed after him. When he turned a corner down a hallway, we lost him.
I grabbed my neck when I felt a quick sharp pain, and then I realized Sam did too. When we pulled our hands away, we each had a small amount of blood on our fingers.
I looked up at Sam. "What the hell is going on?"
When we met back up with Dean, he told us he swore he saw an elephant as he was passing by one of the rooms.
"An elephant?" Sam asked.
Dean nodded. "Yeah."
"You're sure?" I asked.
Dean nodded. "Like, full-on Babar."
"So what the hell is…" Sam said and then looked around the lobby, confused.
That's when I realized it was completely empty. "This place was packed half an hour ago."
Sam walked up to the front doors and attempted to open them, but they didn't budge.
Dean nodded. "Let me guess… it's locked. So what… the roaches check-in, they don't check out?"
Sam shrugged. "Think about how we got here. That detour on I-90? The friggin' hurricane?"
"You saying we were led here?" Dean asked.
Sam nodded. "Like rats in a maze."
We sighed and left the lobby, making our way into the kitchen. We walked by a stovetop with a giant pot of bubbling red liquid inside as we passed through.
Dean walked up to it and grabbed the ladle handle. "Please be tomato soup. Please be tomato soup." He lifted the ladle, and two eyeballs floated to the top.
"Nasty." I frowned.
Dean nodded and dropped the ladle. "Motel Hell."
Sam walked up to a large walk-in freezer and peered in the window.
As soon as he did, a man slammed his hands against the glass from the inside. "Help us! Get us out!"
Sam jiggled the handle and then quickly reached into his pocket and pulled out his lock pick.
"Hurry up!" Dean shouted.
Sam looked back at Dean. "I'm going as fast as I— as I can."
With his hesitation, I looked back at Dean and saw two large men were standing behind him.
"There's somebody behind me, isn't there?" he asked.
The men grabbed hold of us and dragged us into a ballroom.
Several people, including the woman that Dean tried to flirt with at the buffet, were sitting around a large wooden table. They were all wearing name tags, including Ganesh, Odin, Kali, Zao Shen, and Baldur.
I knew all of these names belonged to gods of several different cultures. Even though I was admittedly terrified, it was also kind of amazing to be in their presence.
"Something tells me this isn't a Shriner convention." Dean grunted.
The attendant walked out of the kitchen, pushing a cart with a large platter and cover, but this time, he was wearing a name tag labeled Mercury.
He lifted the cover off of the platter to reveal a cooked human head underneath. "Dinner is served."
The gods applauded.
A spotlight shined on us, and Baldur stood up. "Ladies and gentlemen, our guests of honor have arrived."
We were forced to sit down at the table with everyone else.
Baldur clinked a fork against his champagne flute. "Thank you for coming. Although in all my centuries, I never thought I'd see this. This many gods under one roof…"
"Gods?" Sam whispered to Dean and me.
I nodded. "Kali and Ganesh are Hindu Gods. Zao Shen is a Chinese God. Mercury is Roman. Both Baldur and Odin are a part of Norse mythology."
Dean raised his eyebrows and nodded. "Great."
"Now, before we get down to brass tacks, some ground rules," Baldur said, "No, slaughtering each other. Curb your wrath. Oh, and uh, keep your hands off the local virgins. We're, trying to keep a low profile here…"
"Oh, we are so— so screwed," Sam whispered.
"Now we all know why we're here. The Judeo-Christian apocalypse looms over us. I know we've all had our little disagreements in the past. The time has come to put those aside and look toward the future. Because if we don't, we won't have one. Now we do have two very valuable bargaining chips. Michael and Lucifer's vessels. The question is, what do we do now? Anybody have any bright ideas?" Baldur asked. "Speak up. This is a safe room."
Zao Shen started shouting in Chinese.
Ganesh laughed. "Kill 'em? What, so the angels can bring them back again?"
"I don't know what everybody's getting so worked up about!" Odin yelled, "'Cause it's just a couple of angels having a slap fight! There's no Armageddon. Everybody knows, when the world comes to an end, the Great Serpent Jormungandr rises up, and I myself will be eaten by a big wolf!"
Zao Shen sighed, rolled his eyes, and whispered something under his breath.
"Oh yeah?" Odin asked, "And why is that? Because your beliefs are so much more realistic? The whole world's getting carried around on the back of a giant turtle? Ha! Give me a break!" He stood up and pointed at Zao Shen.
Zao Shen furrowed his brow and spoke angrily in Chinese.
"What are you gonna do about it?" Odin threatened.
Zao Shen shouted something back.
"You watch your mouth when you talk to me, boy!" Odin yelled.
Zao Shen looked taken aback and then retorted back in Chinese.
Odin shook his head. "No one's ever proved that."
As they argued, we slowly moved from our seats, attempting to move toward the exit, hoping not to be seen.
"Stay," Kali said and made a chandelier crash down in front of us, and we immediately sat back down. "We have to fight. The archangels… the only thing they understand is violence. This ends in blood. There is no other way. It's them or us."
"With all due respect, ma'am, we haven't even tried talking to them," Mercury said and then started choking up blood a second later.
"Kali!" Baldur shouted, making her stop hurting Mercury.
"Who asked you?" She glared at Mercury.
Baldur stood up. "Now, please, everyone, calm down. Amongst the vessels, we have a treat…" He gestured to me. "An available virgin."
My eyes widened.
"If we all relax, we can all have a taste," Baldur said.
Mercury came up behind me in a flash and pulled me up.
"Let her go!" Sam shouted but immediately started choking.
Then the ballroom doors burst open, and Gabriel stood in the threshold with a smile. "Can't we all just get along!"
I furrowed my brow. "Gab—"
He shot me a look, and I just couldn't finish the word.
"Winchesters! It's always wrong place, worst time with you muttonheads, huh?" Gabriel laughed.
"Loki," Baldur said.
Gabriel nodded. "Baldur. Good seeing you too. I guess my invitation got lost in the mail."
"Why are you here?" Baldur asked, annoyed.
Gabriel smiled. "To talk about the elephant in the room."
Ganesh stood up, looking furious, but Gabriel waved him off.
"Not you. The Apocalypse. We can't stop it, gang. But first things first." Gabriel turned to us. "The adults need to have a little conversation. Check you later." He snapped his fingers, and we appeared in our motel room.
"Okay. Did that— Holy crap!" Dean shouted.
I took a deep breath. "Yeah, that was terrifying and kind of awesome at the same time."
"By the way, next time I say let's keep driving, uh, let's keep driving," Sam said.
Dean nodded. "Okay. Yeah. Next time."
"All right, so what's our next move?" Sam asked.
Dean shook his head. "I— I— I— I don't know. Grab those poor saps outta the freezer, I guess? Bust 'em out? Gank a few freaks along the way if we're lucky?"
"And when are you ever lucky?" Gabriel said from behind us, causing us to turn.
"Well, ya know what, bite me, Gabriel," Dean snapped.
"Maybe later, big boy." Gabriel winked.
Dean shook his head. "I should've known. I mean, this had your stink all over it from the jump."
"You think I'm behind this?" Gabriel asked and shook his head. "Please. I'm the Costner to your Houston. I'm here to save your ass."
"You wanna pull us outta the fire?" Dean asked.
"Bingo! Those guys are either gonna dust you or use you as bait. Either way, you're uber boned," Gabriel said.
Dean shook his head in disbelief. "Wow, 'cause a couple of months ago, you were telling us that we need to play our roles. You're uber boning us!"
"Oh…" Gabriel nodded. "The end is still nigh. Michael and Lucifer are gonna dance the lambada, but not tonight. Not here."
"And why do you care?" Dean asked.
Gabriel shook his head. "I don't care. But for me and Kali, we, uh, had a thing. Chick was all hands." He shrugged. "What can I say? I'm sentimental."
"Do they have a chance? Against Satan?" Sam asked.
"Really, Sam?" Dean asked.
Sam shrugged. "You got a better idea, Dean?"
Gabriel shook his head. "It's a bad idea. Lucifer's gonna turn them into finger paint. So let's get going while the going's good, hmm?"
Dean nodded. "Okay. Great, why don't you just zap us outta here then?"
Gabriel shrugged. "Would if I could, but Kali's got you by the short and curlies. It's a blood spell. You kids are on a leash."
Dean shook his head. "What does that mean?"
"It means it's time for a bit of the old black magic." Gabriel pulled a small spray bottle of mouthwash out of his pocket and squirted some into his mouth.
Dean nodded. "Okay, yeah. Well, whatever. Well, we're gonna take the hors d'oeuvres in the freezer with us."
Gabriel shook his head. "Forget it. It's gonna be hard enough sneaking you mooks outta here."
"They called you Loki, right? Which means they don't really know who you are?" Dean asked.
Gabriel shrugged. "Told you. I'm in witness protection."
Dean nodded. "Okay, well then how about you do what we say, or we tell the, uh, legion of doom about your secret identity. They don't seem like a real pro-angel kinda crowd."
"I'll take your voices away," Gabriel said.
"We'll write it down," Dean said.
Gabriel shrugged. "I'll cut off your hands."
"Well then, people are gonna be asking… 'why are you guys running around with no hands?'" Dean said.
Gabriel rolled his eyes. "Fine."
We walked into the lobby and hid around a corner when we heard a man screaming, "No! No! No! Please!" Then there was a chopping sound and silence.
Dean tried to move forward to save the man, but Sam grabbed him and whispered, "It's too late."
We made our way into the kitchen and could hear screaming from within the freezer. Sam started picking the lock, but Zao Shen came up behind us and threw Dean and me across the room. Then he grabbed Sam and started choking him.
After landing on top of a metal shelving unit, I struggled to move but watched as Dean ran up and stabbed Zao Shen with a wooden stake through his back. He immediately released Sam and dropped to the floor.
"Where the hell is Gabriel?" Dean asked as he helped me up from the shelves.
When we left the kitchen, we were grabbed by Ganesh and Odin and immediately brought back into the ballroom. Gabriel was already sitting in a chair being looked down upon by Kali.
"How's the rescue going?" Dean asked.
Gabriel rolled his eyes at us and then turned his attention back to Kali.
"Well, well, surprise, surprise. The trickster has tricked us," Kali said.
Gabriel shook his head. "Kali… don't."
"You're mine now." Kali sat down on his lap. "And you have something I want." She reached into his jacket and pulled out his angel blade. "An archangel's blade. From the archangel, Gabriel."
Gabriel nodded. "Okay, okay! So I got wings, like Kotex. But that doesn't make me any less right about Lucifer."
"He's lying. He's a spy." Kali said as she stood up.
Gabriel shook his head. "I'm not a spy. I'm a runaway. I'm trying to save you. I know my brother, Kali. He should scare the living crap out of you. You can't beat him. I've skipped ahead, seen how this story ends—"
"Your story. Not ours." Kali rolled her eyes. "Westerners, I swear. The sheer arrogance. You think you're the only ones on earth? You pillage, and you butcher in your god's name. But you're not the only religion, and he's not the only god. And now you think you can just rip the planet apart?" Her voice broke. "You're wrong. There are billions of us. And we were here first. If anyone gets to end this world, it's me. I'm sorry." She stabbed him in the chest with his own blade.
He screamed, and light burst from his eyes before he fell still.
Mercury shook his head. "This is crazy."
"They can die. We can kill Lucifer," Kali said proudly.
Dean stood up. "All right, you primitive screwheads, listen up."
I looked up at Dean with wide eyes.
"Are you outta your mind?" Sam snapped.
Dean shrugged. "I'm outta options. Now on any other given day, I'd be doing my damnedest to, uh, kill you. You filthy murdering chimps. But, uh, hey, desperate times. So even though I'd love nothing better than to slit your throats, you dicks, I'm gonna help you. I'm going to help you ice the Devil. And then we can all get back to ganking each other, like normal. You want Lucifer, well, dude's not in the Yellow Pages. But the three of us? We can get him here."
"How?" Kali asked.
"First, you let those main courses go. Then we talk. We can either take on the Devil together, or you lame-ass bitches can eat me." Dean shrugged. "Literally."
Reluctantly, they agreed to free everyone, so Dean and I let them out and then rushed them to the front door, and they ran out, completely panicked.
Sam stayed inside to get one of the gods to scrub the Enochian off of his ribs.
"Come on, everybody!" Dean yelled, "Let's go, let's go! All right, all right, go, go, go! Get outta here!"
"Psst!" We heard when everyone had run off into the parking lot, and we looked around but didn't see anything.
"Guys!" someone whisper-yelled from the Impala, and we realized Gabriel was sitting inside. "Don't look at me! Act natural. Get in."
Dean and I looked at each other and then casually walked to the Impala and got in the front seat.
"Man, there is nothing natural about this at all," Dean said.
"How are you alive right now?" I asked.
"You think I'd give Kali my real sword?" Gabriel asked. "That thing can kill me!"
"Then what do they have in there?" Dean asked.
"A fake!" Gabriel yelled. "Made it out of a can of diet Orange Slice. So, uh, go snag our blood, would ya?"
"What?" Dean asked.
"I heard you in there. Kali likes you. You can get close. Lift the plasma, then we vamoose," Gabriel said.
Dean shook his head. "No. Hand over the real blade. Better yet, why don't you sack up and help us take down Lucifer."
Gabriel furrowed his brow. "You can't be serious?"
Dean nodded. "Deadly."
"Since when are you butt buddies with a bunch of monsters?" Gabriel asked, "That's all they are to you, aren't they?"
Dean nodded. "All right, ya know, Sam was right. It's nuts, but it's the best idea I've heard, so unless you have a better one?"
"Well, good luck with that. Me? I'm blowing Jonestown." Gabriel shrugged. "Those lemmings wanna run off a cliff. That's their business."
Dean nodded. "I see right through you, ya know that? The smart-ass shell, the whole 'I could give a crap' thing? Believe me, it takes one to know one."
"That so?" Gabriel asked.
Dean nodded. "Yes. And maybe those freaks in there aren't your blood, but they are your family."
"They just stabbed me in the friggin' heart!" Gabriel shouted.
"Maybe, but you still give a crap about 'em, don't you?" Dean asked.
Gabriel sighed. "Dean…"
"Now they're gonna die in there, without you," Dean said.
Gabriel shook his head. "I can't kill my brother."
"Can't or won't?" Dean asked.
Gabriel didn't respond.
Dean nodded. "That's what I thought."
I shook my head. "I don't get it. I know you know what he's doing is wrong." I shrugged. "You've helped us this much. Why stop now?"
Gabriel sighed. "I guess I've grown a little fond of your brothers. And I feel protective of you." He shrugged. "Being my vessel and all."
I furrowed my brow, now completely confused. "Wait, what?" I shook my head. "Lucifer said I was his if Sam didn't say yes."
Gabriel rolled his eyes. "Typical, always taking what's mine." He shook his head. "He's just messing with you to get to Sam." He shrugged. "I suppose he could use you if he were really desperate, but no. You're my true vessel, not his."
I took a moment to take that in and took a deep breath. "I feel strangely relieved. But I don't get it. Why haven't you tried to make me say yes to you or whatever?"
Gabriel shrugged. "Because I don't need you. I don't want in on this fight, so why would I ruin your life over it?"
I nodded. "Well, thanks for that then. Um, but if I'm your vessel, doesn't that mean that we're alike?"
Gabriel shrugged and nodded. "I suppose."
I leaned toward him. "Then stop being a little bitch and help us."
He raised his eyebrows and just stared at me. "Sorry? What?"
"Look… honestly, you've proven yourself to be pretty cool… aside from keeping us locked in TV land and… well, killing Dean a hundred times. I actually like you, and I appreciate you looking out for me." I shook my head. "But when it comes to standing up for what you know is right, even if it's against family… you totally suck." I patted his hand. "So, we'll be inside when you decide to pull your head out of your ass," I said.
I nodded and gave him a half-smile and then opened my door and walked back into the building. Dean followed quickly behind me.
"I honestly feel like a weight's been lifted off of my shoulders," I said.
Dean nodded as we turned the corner to the ballroom. "Me too." He shrugged. "Plus, it's kinda nice to know that you have an archangel watching out for you. I mean, he's a dick, but at least he's not a total dick."
He pushed the ballroom doors open, and we walked in.
"Show's over," he said to Baldur, Sam, and Kali. "Sword's a fake, and Gabriel, he's still kicking." He looked at Kali. "I hate to break it to you, sister, but you've been tricked."
Suddenly, there were screams, and the lights in the ballroom flickered.
"What's happening?" Baldur asked.
Sam took a deep breath. "It's him."
"How?" Kali asked.
Dean shook his head. "Does it matter? Shazam us outta here, would ya?"
Baldur shook his head. "We can't."
"Of course, you can't," Lucifer said from behind us, making my heart skip a couple beats. "You didn't say, mother, may I?"
We turned to look at him, this time, his face was covered in sores, and he had blood splattered all over him.
"Sam, Dean, Maddison, good to see you again," he said.
Baldur took a few steps forward.
Kali shook her head. "Baldur, don't."
"You think you own the planet? What gives you the right?!" Baldur ran up to attack Lucifer.
Lucifer stabbed his bare hand right through Baldur's chest. "No one gives us the right. We take it." He threw Baldur to the ground and then smiled up at us.
Kali became enraged, her arms engulfed in flames, and she started throwing fire at Lucifer. The three of us moved back and took cover behind an overturned table.
"You okay?" Sam asked us.
"Not really." Gabriel appeared beside me. "Better late than never, huh?" He patted my shoulder with a smile and then handed Dean a copy of Casa Erotica 13. "Guard this with your life." He nodded and stood up, his blade in his hand. "Lucy, I'm home. Not this time. Guys!" he yelled to us, and we stood up. He gently pushed a now injured Kali to us. "Get her outta here."
Sam grabbed hold of Kali, and we quickly rushed out of the ballroom. We ran through the gore covered hallways that were now filled with dead god's. Then we exited the building and ran to the Impala.
Kali shook her head. "I'm not getting in that thing."
"Just get in the car, princess," Dean said and hopped in the front seat.
Sam opened the back door for Kali, and then we all got in and immediately sped off.
After parting ways with Kali, we pulled over, and Sam took his laptop out and set it down on top of the Impala.
Dean pulled the disk out of the box and slid it into the computer. "I don't know how I feel about watching this with you."
I shrugged. "Me either, but clearly, he gave this to you for a reason. I want to know why."
Dean sighed and hit the play button.
Cheesy music started playing, and a red screen popped up with the words… All performers in this film are over the age of 18, have consented to being photographed, and have provided proof of age 18 USC section 2257.
The screen switched to a half-naked woman lying on a bed, writing in a notebook with an internal monologue. "Dear Diary, being a high-powered business president is super-fun. But so, exhausting. Sometimes, I just need to relax. I need Casa Erotica."
Knock! Knock! Knock!
"Room Service!" someone yelled.
"Come in!" the woman shouted.
Sam hit pause. "Gabriel wanted you to guard this with your life?"
Dean shrugged. "Maybe he's a fan. It is a good one."
I shook my head. "I'm just trying to figure out why you find this so entertaining."
"I can live with you not understanding why," Dean said and then hit play.
The hotel room door opened, and Gabriel walked in, wearing a mustache and a waiter's outfit, and holding a platter. "I've got the kielbasa you ordered."
The woman looked intrigued. "Oh. Polish?"
"Hungarian." Gabriel smirked and then tossed the plate in the air. They started kissing aggressively, fell onto the bed, and started moaning.
"What the hell's going on?" Sam asked, disturbed.
"Yeah, I still don't get the intrigue," I said, watching them make out uncomfortably.
Gabriel turned to the camera and removed his mustache. "Sam, Dean, and preferably not Maddi. You're probably wondering what the hell is going on. Well, if you're watching this, I'm dead." He swatted at the camera. "Oh, please! Stop sobbing. It's embarrassing for all of us. Without me, you've got zero shot at killing Lucifer, sorry! But can trap him. The cage you sprung Lucifer from?" He nodded. "It's still down there. And maybe, just maybe, you can shove his ass back in. Not that it'll be easy. You gotta get the cage open, trick my bro back into it. And uh, oh yeah, avoid Michael and the God Squad. But hey, details, right? And here's the big secret, Lucifer himself doesn't even know… the key to the cage? It's out there. Actually, it's keys… plural. Four keys, well…" He shrugged. "Four rings. From the Horsemen. You get 'em all, you got the cage. Can't say I'm betting on you guys. But, uh, hey! I've been wrong before. Maddi, if you are watching, thanks for calling me a bitch, honestly. Hopefully, you don't still think I totally suck." He smiled and nodded. "You're a good kid, take care of yourself, 'cause I can't keep you safe anymore. And Dean, you were right. I was afraid to stand up to my brother. Not anymore." He stood up. "So, this is me, standing up." He smirked. "And this is, me, lying down." He grabbed the woman and threw her on the bed and threw himself on top of her, and they started kissing again, and then clothing started coming off.
"Oh, uh, oh!" Sam quickly slammed the laptop shut. "Oh, man!"
"Horsemen, huh?" Dean asked and shrugged. "Well, we got War's.
I nodded. "We got Famine's."
"That's two down. Collect all four?" Dean shrugged. "All we need is Pestilence and Death."
"Oh, is that all?" Sam asked.
Dean shrugged. "It's a plan."
