The knife gripped in my hands felt like a vice I didn't need, loosely hanging from my fingers in a desperate plea to stop. The hand dove in and back out again. My mind fuzzed over, the sharp ringing of clumsy church bells in my head. Make it stop, make it stop, make it stop. I twist the knife into the male below me, his pained cries and choked whimpers a discordant melody I play on repeat. His own desperate pleas of me to stop only fuel my lust for more.

His eyes look up into mine, the look a prey would give its predator on its final moments on earth. A pleading look, a look that tells a story that says "I loved you." I do. I still do. I always have and always will. You just can't see it. Subconsciously, one of my large hands raise to the prey's small face, delicately caressing the soft flesh. A flinch. One that states my contact is unwelcome. The anger builds up inside of me, the same hand gripping at blonde locks.

His face pale, once dusted with soft shades of pink. The way he laughed and smiled at my jokes, the way he brushed his lips against mine. I tug at the sandy strands, earning a small whimper of discomfort. I can feel my lips graze over his neck carefully, almost hesitantly. A kiss. Another. Before I know it, my lips pepper kisses all over the small blonde. Just like we used to.

Desperate hands wrap around me, gripping at the dull grey T-shirt in an attempt to get me to stop. I won't, I know I won't. I can't control the way my body shifts to lay kisses on his face, the way my hand embeds the knife deeper into his stomach. He's quiet throughout this, only the occasional whisper or whine. Until he speaks, the low hoarse voice causing me to stop momentarily.

"I won't tell… Take me to the hospital, I won't tell. I promise. I won't." There are tears in his eyes, and his body is shuddering with each crashing sob. The crying is soft and quiet, his breathing labored. My blank expression contorts to that of worry. My brows furrowing in a hurt and confused haze. My eyes trail down to the knife embedded in my lover's abdomen, chewing my lip at the unpleasant sight.

"I- I'll say i did it- That you tried to help me- Just please-" His voice became more desperate, more shrill. "I promise. I promise, Leo please I promise. I love you so much, Leo, please-" he sobbed, hot, thick, sticky tears rolling down his beautiful face. My words were trapped in my throat, my mouth opening to speak yet nothing came out. Once I gathered the right words I was looking for I spoke, softly, "...You wont leave me again… right..?"

He laughed a nervous laugh, shaking his head, "I never left, Leo, I never will. I love you so much, I would never leave you…" His hand reached to touch my face, his thumb softly rubbing my cheek as he held it. I closed my eyes and leaned into the touch, my own hand reaching up to cup Kenny's. We stayed like that for a moment, the welcome silence a blessing.

I remember when I was a scared little kid, naive and weak. Everyone would pick on me, taunt me and say mean things to me. They wouldn't even think twice about doing that to me now. They're all scared of me now, every single one of them sheep that are at my disposal. My eyes open, staring into my lover's gorgeous features, taking everything in.

"Okay." I say, letting go of the knife and standing up. I grab the phone from my back pocket, about to dial 911, looking down at the pathetic mess below me. He'll turn me in. If he doesnt turn me in for stabbing him, he'll surely turn me in for the nights where my anger got the best of me, making marks in its wake. I put my phone away, his face turning to one of fear.

"W- wait, what are you doing? I- i thought you were calling an ambulance- Leo what-"

"You're going to turn me in. You fucking whore. I know you will, you fucking slut. You think im stupid?" I scowled and dropped to the floor with him, looming over his shaking body. He looked so vulnerable. He shook his head vigorously, the tears welling up in his eyes once more.

"No! No! I would never do that- I already told y-"

"Yes you fucking will! You tried telling the cops once when I barely even touched you, you're gonna tell em now!" I spat, gripping his wrists tightly. He whimpered, not even struggling. He let himself fall limp. He gave up. I scoffed, laughing softly before letting his wrists go.

"Youre fucking pathetic." I made a grab for the knife before he actually attempted to back away. His legs frailed as he tried to get out from under me. He was hyperventilating, pleading and telling me how much he loved me.
"I won't tell! Leo! I swear I won't! I love you, I would never- You can do anything you want from me just please don't!" He wailed, his hands cupping his face. He yelped when the knife in his side came loose from all of the wriggling, placing a hand over the bleeding wound. I chortled and grabbed my phone, sighing and finally dialing the number.
"Be glad I still want you as my sex toy, otherwise youd be dead by now, hon." He nodded, thanking me.
"Thank you, thank you, Leo i love you so much thank you-"

"Shut up."

"Yes sir, I'm sorry." he nibbled on his lower lip, still clutching to his side. The operator picked up and I readied my acting voice.

"My husband stabbed himself! Please someone get an ambulance- He's bleeding really bad- oh god- please hurry-" and even after what I had done, I still couldn't bring myself to feel remorse. I felt nothing.