AN: Hi! So in the reviews, it looks like a lot of you have never seen Skins but you've heard of it. If you have Netflix, they have all the seasons there! Check it out! It's good! But, in comparison to the show, this story will be a bit slower-paced, I think and parents have a much bigger role.
About endgames: not telling.
Trigger Warning: Suicidal thoughts, Bulimia mention.
"5, 6, 7, 8!"
It was almost eight o' clock in the morning and Riley was practicing the new routine. She didn't have to meet with the other cheerleaders until nine. She's been up since three. She couldn't sleep more than four hours a night if she tried. Besides, Riley gets a lot done with those hours that everyone throws away. She does projects, exercise, adds to her scrapbooks and mood boards, studies. But most of all, Riley loves to party. Being in the athlete circle at school, Riley was introduced to the high-life. Drinking all night, taking pills that made anyone feel like flying. Dancing in the darkness, Riley felt like she'd never die. She wanted that magic to last forever, so she did it as often as she could. When she couldn't be on drugs, she had to be productive. It was the only way to make all her thoughts stop.
Early Saturday, Riley was focused on keeping herself in time with the music until there was a loud bang against her window. Excited, she let out a yelp and looked over to see a ragged blonde bird pressing her face on the glass.
Riley opened the window and slightly shivered from the cold, "Peaches?!" Maya was never naturally an early riser. She didn't even send out her morning texts yet. She almost tumbled inside of Riley's room, wearing a man's shoes that were almost four sizes too big. "What happened?"
"Had a night. Need sleep." Maya's voice was scratchy and she was disrobing her school uniform without permission.
"Well, don't you have dance class?"
"No. I don't." She stepped out of the sneakers.
Riley's face turned downwards, "Your mom didn't - " Maya cut her off with a hand, shaking her head. "Oh, peaches..."
"Riley, I don't need to talk. I don't need a hug. I just need sleep." In her bra and underwear, Maya crawled to the start of the queen, purple bed and burrowed herself in the covers. Riley saw the bruised condition of her feet. Skin was peeling off and blue veins showed themselves. She wanted to take Maya to the hospital, to make sure that she didn't have any diseases or ailments you can contract by foot. She loved her but she didn't want someone with a fungus in her bed but Maya fell asleep as soon as she hit the pillow.
Poor Maya. She can't catch a break. She was supposed to go to that camp in Poughkeepsie, she deserved it! Ugh, her mom. Maya was right: Katy's a screw-up. It's unbelievable that someone like Maya can be raised by someone like her. But not really. That's why she has so many problems.
"Baby Matthews!"
Let's face it; Maya's a mess. She skips classes and smokes like a pack of cigarettes a day. She's deluded herself into thinking Josh could want her. Why would he go out with Maya when he's surrounded by mature college girls who actually have their lives together? It's absurd.
"Baby Matthews!"
If things continue the way they're going, she's going to be on the streets and pregnant before she's 18. No way that can happen. She needs a good influence. She needs to be away from her tragic home life and surrounded by people that actually care. People that can show her the way to being the truly amazing person that she is. That's it. She's moving out.
"Matthews! Wake the fuck up!" The team captain screeched but it was too late. Riley held her arms out two seconds too late and their fellow cheerleader had caught the mat with her face. The flyer laid motionless and Riley's hands covered her mouth in shock. The girls flocked over and Missy glared at her for making a mistake.
"Missy, I-I'm sorry, I wasn't - "
"Thinking? Yeah, see that." The captain seethed and ran her hands through her shiny brown hair. The rest of the team was carrying the wounded flyer to the bench as Missy pulled Riley to the side of the bleachers.
"Don't you think we should be over there, helping Taryn?" Riley looked over to the crowd worriedly. She heard someone say, 'I think it's broken!'
"What? Oh, she'll be fine." Missy dismissed with a careless wave. "Matthews, did Lucas say anything about me recently?"
"Um," Riley's attention flickered back and forth from Missy to the commotion on the benches.
Missy snapped her fingers in her face, "Matthews!"
"No! Lucas hasn't said anything about you! But that's not saying that he doesn't care; he just doesn't talk about your relationship because it's no one's business! I mean, I respect privacy and it's not my concern to get involved - " Riley rambled until Missy made her talk to the hand.
"Ugh, shut up. Why Friar dated you, I'll never know." She rolled her eyes, then pointed to another cheerleader. "Jessa!" The girl was a deer in the headlights, as Missy stormed to her. "You are not sneaking your miserable butt off to the bathroom to puke! The only thing that I hate more than fat people are lazy ones! Get your ass back to your spot! Array!"
After apologizing profusely to Taryn, Riley was off to the Arianda projects where Maya lived. They had been friends since they were six years old, but she had only been to her house a handful of times. If her cheerleader uniform wasn't a dead giveaway that she wasn't a resident, the way she kept a watchful eye of everyone she passed was a clue. Don't get it wrong, Riley loved people, no matter where they were from. Still, just in case handled her mace spray in her coat with care.
She walked to the intercom of the building, buzzing a random number and lying, saying she forgot her key. Without pause, Riley was buzzed in. They really needed better security around this place. Riley jogged up the stairs, to the fourth floor. Crayola graffiti was on the rotting walls and toddlers only in diapers ran past her. Rap music played from some walls and Tejano sounds tried to drown them out. Riley knocked on the door, trying to be louder than them both.
The door opened and Katy sighed, disappointed when she saw it was Riley and not Maya. "Riley."
Nose in the air and arms behind her back, she invited herself in. Dramatically, she turned to Katy and announced, "I am only here to get Maya's things and then, I will escort myself out."
Feeling a lump get stuck in her throat, Katy looked away and nodded, "Oh. OK. Well, you know where her room is."
Entering Maya's bedroom, Riley gazed around. Ginger nipped at her feet only for Riley to say, "You can't come. But you..." She walked over to the dresser, opening it to see a whole bunch of denim, leather and vintage band tees. "She's gonna need you." Riley found two boxes and folded her clothes as tightly and neatly as possible. When she was done, Riley could almost fit her entire wardrobe inside them, but then again, Maya didn't have much. The boxes weren't heavy and also not transparent. She held them in front of her face and tried to memorize her steps. After stubbing her toe, Riley held the boxed under her chin and saw Katy holding her head on the couch.
Sensing a presence there, Katy picked her head up and saw Riley. She stood up and wiped some tears off her face. "Oh, you got everything?" She sniffed and made a weak smile.
Riley just pursed her lips and picked her nose back up, "Hmph!" Riley was almost to the door before Katy called her name.
"Riley!" The girl stopped but didn't look back. "I-I know how you must see me, feel about me. You must hate me. I get it, I hate me too but please know that... I love that little girl. I love Maya."
Outraged, Riley spun around to look Katy in her sorrowful eyes. There were a lot of things that Riley thought about saying to Katy but this seemed to encapsulate them all, "No. I love her." Riley slammed the door behind her.
Arriving home, Riley walked into her parents on the couch watching The Price is Right. As she opened the door, they didn't leave their vegetative state. On the weekends, Mr. and Mrs. Matthews were more oblivious than usual because it was their time off but, that didn't make much of a difference to Riley. She never thought they paid any mind to her any day of the week.
"Hi!" She chirped, struggling through the door with Maya's things.
"Hey, sweetheart." Cory greeted with a mouthful of popcorn.
"Whoo, boy! I had a really tiring practice today. Man! These boxes sure are heavy." Riley over-acted to get a reaction.
"Then, put them down, honey." Topanga added, fisting popcorn into her face. How typical it didn't payoff.
Riley took the advice, blowing strands of her hair out of her face in frustration. She stood with her hands on her hips, "Don't you even want to know what's in the boxes? Maya's things? She's living with us now?"
"What? Maya?" Topanga finally looked at her daughter. Riley scoffed and rolled her eyes. How especially typical that her parents suddenly start giving their attention when Maya's involved.
"What's wrong with Maya?" Cory asked, concerned.
Riley picked the boxes back up and headed off to her room. "Her mom didn't get the papers and now she won't be going to ballet camp. They had a falling out and she's been in my room all morning."
"How long is she staying?" Topanga stood and wiped her hands on her sweatpants.
"Indefinitely."
"I should call Katy." Topanga rushed to their landline phone. Cory came to Riley, putting a hand on her shoulder.
"How's she doing?"
Riley tightened her lips, "She's doing as fine as she could be. I'm fine too, thanks for asking." His daughter's ponytail almost smacked him in the face as she bounced away. He sighed, feeling worried for both of his girls.
She wasn't 100% sure that Maya was still actually in her room so, it was a pleasant surprise to see her best friend, still tucked away in her bed. She wasn't sleeping anymore but texting someone vigorously, with a toothy grin. When she noticed that Riley came into the room, Maya quickly slid her phone under the pillow and sat up in bed.
"Hey, peaches!" Riley greeted warmly.
"Hey, Riles."
"Oh, you're still not in clothes. Let's put you in some!" She knocked off the top of the cardboard box and grabbed an over-sized Metallica t-shirt, "Your clothes!"
Naked Maya stepped towards her and put the old shirt over her head. Then, she rummaged in the box. "This is all my stuff."
"Uh-huh."
"You went to my house?" Maya stated, pulling her hair from the collar.
"Yeah-huh." Riley stared at her manicured nails, pretty pleased with herself.
"Well, my mom must've been there. Did she say anything? Is she OK?" Riley frowned.
"Maya, I don't think you live over there with your mom. You should stay here." She kindly suggested for her best friend to squint her eyes.
"For how long?"
"Permanently."
"Permanently? Riles, I can't stay here forever. I have to go home some time."
She swore that Maya would see that being with Katy wasn't in her best interest right now and that she'd be thrilled that Riley went did the hard part for her. No matter, she'd get her to understand. Riley put her hands on Maya's shoulders and carefully spoke. "Maya... She did something absolutely deplorable to you. It's like you said, she's not a mom! She only thinks about herself. You don't need to be in that toxic, terrible place, OK? You should be somewhere that people care about you and want you to succeed! Somewhere where you feel safe and loved. My parents love you so much, it's almost like you're more their daughter than I am! Auggie's like your little brother and... I am your sister. This is your home because you're happy here. We're your home."
Maya's crystal blue eyes welled with tears and it was so rare, that Riley's did the same. Maya held her breath until Riley pulled her into an embrace, allowing her to fall apart. She sobbed into her best friend and hugged her like she would never let go.
"I love you, Riley." She cried.
"I love you too, Maya."
Of course, the Matthews' welcomed Maya with open arms. Knowing that she was in the best care and guessing that Maya needed her space, Katy allowed it. Maya and Riley shared the same bed with the compromise that Maya sleeps in at least a t-shirt and Maya has clearance to pinch Riley awake if she's snoring too loudly. When Riley did sleep, it was as hard as a log. When she didn't, Maya had to deal with her random, energetic two-person parties where Riley would get shot glasses and make up nonsensical drinking games or her doing her cheerleader routine in the corner with headphones on. But she loved her and Riley loved that she gained an ally at home. Someone that would always pay attention to her and never deem her too silly or dramatic. Someone that would always be on her side. She could overlook the special treatment her parents gave her or that she lost interest in anything having to do with her future. Maya was happy now and that made Riley ecstatic.
Too bad not everyone could feel this way.
"So, you're not dancing anymore? That's it?" Lucas questioned Maya. School just let out and Maya, Lucas, Riley, Farkle and Zay were all walking home together.
"That's it, Dingleberry." She groaned, sending someone a message on her phone again. She's been pretty occupied with it lately.
"You're just never gonna dance again?" Lucas continued to push her. Wanting to be sensitive about the ballet disaster, Lucas put off on talking about dancing - or anything - for a couple weeks but he couldn't take watching her slip further away from what she cared about. It distressed him.
Maya huffed, then turned to face him, "Guilty feet, Ranger Rick. Have got no rhythm." As he rolled his green eyes, she broke out into song, "Though it's easy to pretend, I know you're not a fool."
Zay joined in, "I should've known better than to cheat a friend and waste a chance that I been given."
"So, I'm never gonna dance again - "
Maya, Zay and Farkle sang together, "The way I danced with you-ooh." They replaced the signature saxophone melody with their "doo-doo-doo's" and walked ahead, leaving Riley and Lucas to walk side by side. Riley giggled, shaking her head at her friends.
Lucas carded a hand through his hair and gestured to the singing trio, "What are we gonna do about that? Her?"
"Don't worry, she'll be fine. I already did something." Riley assured him.
"What?" He asked, curious.
"She's living with me now."
Lucas knotted his eyebrows and pursed his thin lips, "Really? I didn't know things were that bad with her mom. For how long?"
"Forever, probably." Riley shrugged.
"Forever? Riley, she has to go back home eventually."
"She is home." Riley groaned and smiled, trying to hide her irritation.
"No, home is with her mother. Riley, you shouldn't be keeping them apart. This is between them." He challenged.
"Lucas!" Riley stopped short on the sidewalk to look him in the eye and scold him, "I know what's good for my best friend. I know that you care about her but you don't know her history like I do. For years, Katy neglected Maya, like she didn't have a child at all. Well, now I'm just giving her what she wanted."
"Riley, you can't know that - "
"Yes I do! I know what's best! And I'd appreciate it if you didn't question me about it anymore." Turning forward, she saw Maya sharing a cigarette with Farkle and Zay. Standing in the stairwell to the train, she laughed and glowed. She hasn't looked like that in a long time. It made her feel like she was doing the right thing and Mr. Moral Compass couldn't take that away from her. Confidently, she declared, "She is happy right now. OK, she lost interest in the things she normally likes to do - "
"Then, how can she be happy?" Lucas pointed.
Riley sighed, strong, "Because she's with me."
Lucas exhaled through his nostrils and shook his head. He held himself back, not wanting to make a scene in front of their friends. Somehow, even though they haven't dated in years, it still felt like she was arguing with a boyfriend.
Letting it go, he shrugged, "Fine, fine."
"Fine." They started to walk again.
Changing the subject, Lucas said, "Going to Darby's St. Paddy's party?"
"Of course I am! Zay's going to be the DJ, it should be a lot of fun!" She smiled giddily.
"Good." He sighed, relieved.
"For why is it good?"
"Because this is going to be a jock party."
"... And you're a jock."
"Yeah, but hanging around them can get real old, real fast. Plus, I know I can always talk to you and we haven't hung out in a while."
Her cheeks felt a bit warm. "And what about Missy?"
"What about her?"
"You guys don't talk at all?"
"Nah, her mouth is usually full." Lucas' lips grew into a smirk slowly, waiting for Riley to react.
She snorted and blushed, "Oh my God. Lucas, you're disgusting."
He laughed and put his arm around her, strolling to the 6 train. His touch still had the ability to make Riley weak in the knees. Riley and Lucas were so much alike. They both cared about their friends and would do anything to protect them. They both were involved in school sports and clubs, were star students and some of the most popular people in their grade. It was times like these that made Riley wonder why they didn't work out. They dated for such a short time. When they broke up, it was two weeks after Pappy Joe died of a heart attack. Lucas was grieving and Riley did all she could to show how she'd always be there for him: baking him cookies, showing up unannounced and helping his family with things around the house, constantly telling him that he could open up to her. And somehow, Lucas was convinced that they weren't meant to be. Riley was OK with just being his friend but the possibility of being more again still hung in the back of her mind.
Darby Walker was a popular cheerleader who had all the parties because her parents were divorced and they wanted to compete for her love. So, each time she wanted to throw a rager, they both said 'How big?' and Darby's affection went to the highest bidder. The winner this time around was her mother, who allowed access to her insanely expensive liquor (as long as everyone drank inside) and for green party glitter to explode from cannons.
The night of the party, instead of pre-gaming with Maya or one of her many acquaintances, Riley was with Farkle. SAT's were coming up and it was her first time taking them, so Farkle offered to help. It was Farkle's third. He gotten exemplary scores but not a perfect one yet. They were in his room, at his work table. Thick prep books open in front of them and bowls of popcorn. Farkle created stacks of flashcards with his favorite questions on them and needed more material, so he was going along, page by page, picking ones that stumped them.
"The blank student came running down the hallway, once again late for class. A) Loquacious B) Delinquent C) Perfunctory D) Blase or E) Erudite?" Farkle read off. Riley tapped her chin with the end of her pencil, floating in her own world.
"Farkle, has Lucas said anything about me lately?"
"Yeah, I was thinking B, too. Wait, what?" Farkle did a double-take.
"Has Lucas said anything about me to you?"
"Said anything like... what?" His voice was cautious.
Riley rocked back and forth in her seat, "Mm, I don't know. Maybe... that he might want to get back together?"
Farkle shifted back in his chair, looking a bit miffed all of a sudden. "No, no he hasn't. Why? Do you want to get back with him?"
"Well, I don't know." Riley got giggly and bashful. "I mean, we did date."
"Freshman year. For two months." Farkle reminded her in a unmerciful tone.
"We only really broke up because Pappy Joe died and he thought he wanted to be alone for a while." Riley theorized.
"And now he's not alone. Now, he's with Missy Bradford."
"He is not 'with' Missy Bradford." She rolled her eyes, making air quotes.
"OK, he's fucking Missy Bradford. Still, if he wanted to get back together Riley, I think he would have done something about it by now." Farkle concluded harshly.
"There has to be a reason why I'm the only real girlfriend he's had and he's the only real boyfriend I've had." Farkle and Riley stared at each other for a time before Riley broke away and started to pick at her nails. The truth is, guys love Riley. She was popular and bubbly and beautiful. Also, her being a teacher's daughter gave her this forbidden quality that was nothing if not alluring. Boys from all high school stations flirted and made moves on Riley that went over her head. Somehow, she didn't see it but Farkle did. He saw way too much.
Not wanting to talk about it anymore, Farkle went to choose the next question to ask but Riley found one first, "Farkle?"
He picked his head up, "Yes?"
"Do you think... Do you ever sometimes feel like you don't have the right to be sad?" She tilted her head, weighing the question in her own mind like she does all the time. "Like, I know you're depressed and you see a therapist but... Do you feel bad that you are? You have everything."
Making a heavy sigh, Farkle closed the book. "Well, honestly, there is a lot more to depression and anxiety than the type of life you lead. It's a chemical imbalance in the brain; that's what a lot of drug treatments are based on. There's also genetic vulnerability and other medical problems... But, I mean, I am a heterosexual, white man who is part of the 1%. I nor my children will ever have to worry about money in our lifetimes because I will inherit my father's corporation and I have an IQ of 146. Aside from a few bullies, I think the only true hardship I've had is my name. I'm an Us." He shrugged.
"I'm an Us." Riley repeated in a whisper.
He made a small smile and moved closer, "But, even with all the money, intelligence and the fact that I am now taller than Lucas," they both shared a laugh, before Farkle confessed, "there are still some things that... aren't within my reach." Looking into Riley's eyes, made him feel like he was falling down the milky way and he wanted to tell her but like always he held back.
Riley exhaled and she pretended to read Farkle's palm, "Yeah. I mean, I'm popular and kind of smart - "
"Riley, you're very smart."
"But still, I feel like... I don't want to exist. Like, I'd be fine just not... breathing anymore, sometimes?" Her eyes glazing with tears and Farkle moved laced their fingers.
"Riley... "
"Like I'd be more at peace from it all if I just... " She let the end of her sentence hang then float around in the air of her head. It got bigger, then smaller. Then, it just repeated itself filling up every space. They were all screaming, then next to a hint. In synonyms, in all capital letters, it was becoming all she could think about. She had this... (fantasy?) dream her foot was was shackled to some invisible force in the depths of the ocean. Riley was in a beautiful gown that made her look like a flower blooming while underneath the water. Each time she moved, a wide, white pleat of her dress opened let a petal. Jerking and throwing herself to and throe, it felt like drowning but looked like dancing. When she stopped fighting, no one else was on her mind. Nobody to miss, nobody to disappoint or take care of or fix. It was just her in the water and she was beautiful. It made her happy when it should've frightened her, to die. She spent all this time avoiding it with drinking and parties but then why did the thought make her so relaxed?
"Riley, talk to me." Farkle pleaded, afraid that she just stopped speaking. She was crying and didn't even notice. Her fingertips touched her wet face and even tasted the salt of her tears.
"Wow!" Riley cried in now, amused and uncontrollable laughter. "Oh my God, wow! What the fuck was that, right?" She stood up and walked away from Farkle in stifled guffaws. She didn't know if she couldn't breath because she was laughing so hard or because she was panicking.
Trying to get his bearings, Farkle crept behind Riley. "Riley... Are you OK?"
Tenderly, he reached for her shoulder but she whipped around, blinding him with her bright grin and trying to physically wipe the grim from her face. "Yeah, yeah, totally. All this SAT stuff has just got me going absolutely bonkers! It's nothing. Nada."
"Riley, you were just crying -"
"So, are you going to Darby's party tonight?" Riley did have this habit of switching topics at a rapid pace so, in efforts not to get her upset again, he decided to play along.
Startled, Farkle answered, "Uh... No, no, I have this early interview tomorrow and - "
"Ugh, Farkle! Do you always say 'no'?"
"No." Riley made a smirk at him and leaned her arm on his shoulder. Having her so close made his brain short circuit.
"Really?"
"I do say 'yes' to things! I say 'yes' a lot!" He could think of at least a million times that he's said 'yes'. To Riley, anyway.
"Then why do I never see you at any parties?"
"Because, they're just not my scene. It's a bunch of people that I don't know or really even like rubbing against each other and stoned out of their minds. Meanwhile, I have everything I actually do like right here." Farkle held out his long arms, showing off his condominium-sized room. "It's a no-brainer."
"You shouldn't isolate yourself, Farkle! How do you expect to make friends in college?"
"I'll go to same one as you. So, friends: done. " he clicked his tongue, marking his imaginary clip board.
Riley scoffed, "You have to put yourself out there, so others will see how amazing you are. If you want people to like you for you, you got to be you."
"Yeah, that sounds like a lot of me and..." Farkle shook his head, wincing. Suddenly, her vision was stuck to Farkle's nightstand. Riley skipped over and Farkle followed in apprehensive steps. "Riley, what are you doing?"
"You know what makes great ice-breakers?" She opened his drawer to find a bottles of Xanax. "Party favors!" Riley sang and shook them like maracas.
"Riley, I need those." He took the bottles from her hands.
"Oh, come on, I know between you and your mom, you'll be able to get more later." Riley reasoned. "What's the worst that will happen if you go without?"
"Nausea, heart palpitations, anxiety attacks, headaches - "
"Well, what if you take one more than usual?"
"I'll fall asleep, most likely."
"Well, neither of those are good for meeting new people." Riley grumbled. "Oh, I know! The beer at this thing will be amazing! You'll probably be a whiz at beer pong!"
"Riley, I shouldn't drink."
"You never drink!" Riley exclaimed.
"Because I could die!" Farkle answered, matter-of-factly.
"Yeah, but we're all gonna fucking die anyway! You might as well be having a good time!" Riley cheerily pointed out before reading a text from her friend Kristen, asking if she was getting ready yet. "I'm gonna go." She responded quickly and put her phone in her bag. "I want to see you there tonight, Farkle."
Before he could make any objections, Riley left him. Farkle was muttering curses under his breath, then he felt his left back-pocket buzz with a message from Riley:
and don't forget to wear green :)))))
Riley came in the window as Maya was playing 90's grunge alternative and customizing her outfit for the night. She wore one of those 'Kiss Me, I'm Irish' shirts but shredded it so the skin of her torso showed in slashes. Riley barely came through the front door anymore. Her blood family was hopeless. She immediately started to undress from her school uniform and she found her bright green, long-sleeved crop top and low-rise jeans.
"You're late," Maya sang, rimming her eyes with black liner.
"Whatever, the party doesn't start until we get there anyway. Doesn't hurt to be fashionably late!"
Humming a giggle, Maya tossed her blonde waves, "So true, Honey."
Riley put the tight shirt over her head and laid on her bed to pull her pants on and up. Next, she slid on her matching green Chuck Taylor's and dressed her arm with colorful bracelets. After Maya put on her heels, the girls found long coats to hide their outfits from the adults.
Walking down the hall, they mapped out their game-plan, "So, we have dinner with the family..." Riley said.
"Blah, blah, pass the carrots, blah, I love you all so much, blah blah." Maya summarized.
"Then, it's parrrtyyy timeeeee!"
"Shush, Riles!"
Riley hunched over to whisper, "Paarrrrtyy timmmeeee!"
Barely disguising their excitement, Riley and Maya had a chuckling fit until they entered the living room. They were surprised to see Riley's uncle Josh instead of their parents.
"Josh?"
"Hey, Riley. Maya." He smiled at Riley and nodded to Maya.
"Hi." She responded coolly. Maya didn't call him 'Boing' or 'Husband', which was new.
"What are you doing here?"
Auggie, who was sitting on the couch in his pajamas, told them, "Mom and Dad think I - the picture of impeccable behavior - need a babysitter."
"And they didn't just ask me to do it?" Riley said to herself, offended.
"Well, it's Friday! You always go out on Fridays, Riles." Maya comforted. "They probably didn't want to stop you."
"Yeah, it was super last minute." Josh added. "Which is why they left money for pizza!"
"Yay!" Auggie cheered.
"But it looks like you guys are going out."
"Yeah, there's a party." Riley hooked her arm in Maya's. Seeing Josh, she just knew it was going to be taxing to get Maya out the door.
"A party, you say? I didn't hear about any party. As far as I know, you guys have been in your room the whole night."
Riley smiled, "Thanks, Josh. See ya later!"
The man made a charming wink at them before they made their exit. Maya was easily moved; she didn't have to be dragged at all. Yet, as soon as they left the house, Maya's phone was going off like crazy. As every new message chirp came in, Riley was getting more and more suspicious. On the train, Maya couldn't see the investigative way her best friend was looking at her. Riley was being critical of every giggle and smile, trying to read them.
She made one more secretive snicker before Riley exploded, "OK! That is it!"
Maya was wide-eyed, "What'sa matter, honey?"
"You! Who are you texting all the time?"
"Nobody, sweetie." Maya cooed and pet her chocolate brown curls. "There is no one but you."
"If there's no one but me, why do you keep phone out around me all the time? The only person that texts you that much is me, anyways! You don't talk to anyone else!"
"Not true. I text Huckleberry, Zay... even Farkle if I have a Farkle-y question." Maya asserted.
"Not. As much. As me." There was a slight twitch in Riley's eye, that made Maya take her a bit more earnestly.
"OK Riley - "
"Is it a boy? I smell a boy!"
Maya's low-key disposition faltered, "What makes you think it's a boy?"
"When Josh is around, it's like there's no one else in the world! You always want to be near him, next to him, on him - you're like a dog in heat! But just now, it was like he was a regular ol' Joe - or Josh. You didn't make lame excuses for us to stay home. You didn't even hit on him! There is only one answer - a boy." Riley ranted.
"Riley, don't you think I'd tell my best friend if there was someone in my life? Someone important?" It was convincing argument but still not enough. The train bell rang and the girls recognized their stop. While she was distracted, Riley tried to get slick.
"Lemme see your phone," Riley reached and Maya dodged her just in time to put the device down her pants.
"Ah, Swiper, no swiping!" Maya raised a warning finger.
"Aw, man!" Riley snapped her fingers and Maya held her hand with a winning grin. As they strolled, Riley shot the possible choices of people Maya could be dating off, rapid-fire.
"Billy Ross?"
"No."
"Charlie Gardner?"
"No way, he had a thing with both you and Huckleberry. Yecch."
"The rebel boy?"
"Doesn't he have a name?"
"Joey?"
"He's 24!"
"Yeah, but you have that daddy complex - " Outside of the party, Maya held Riley by the face.
"Riley. Read my lips: I am with no one. I am with no one but you, OK?" Her beaming smile made Riley feel at ease.
"For the rest of our lives?" Riley asked, hopeful.
"For the rest of our lives, you little nut-job." She booped her nose and Riley giggled. They could hear the music pounding from inside and kids in green were coming in and out of the three story house. In the streetlights, people were being doused in silly string and glitter. Thumping EDM shook the place and Riley bobbed her head. Zay was an aces DJ - he could find the perfect song for any moment. If only Riley could persuade him to add just one Broadway song into his mix. Maya lit up a cigarette and then, Lucas ran into view wearing gym shorts and green warpaint.
"Hey!" The only thing brighter than his smile as the green glitter in his hair.
"Hey, Friar Huck." Maya said, blowing smoke. "Where's your flesh light?"
Lucas' mouth pulled a line and turned to hug Riley, "Glad you're here."
Riley blushed with her hand on his spine, "Well, I never miss a party."
As soon as they let go, Missy appeared and held the boy by the waist with a taunting smile at the two girls. "Hey, I've been looking for you. Oh, hey baby Matthews."
"Hi." Riley made a half-smile.
"Hey Missy, nice shorts but aren't you worried about your butt-pad showing?" Maya teased.
"Oh, I didn't even see you there, white trash." Missy scathed.
"Yeah, sup, succu-bitch." Maya nodded.
"Girls, play nice. It's a party!" Lucas looked at Missy for a second until she shoved her tongue down his throat. Maya made a gagging sound as Riley frowned.
Coming up for air, Missy whispered against his lips, pressing herself against him, "I'll be inside." She gave Riley and Maya the once-over and trotted away.
"Huckleberry, I could literally floss with that girl. Are you that much of a Howdy Doody whore that you don't care where the cat comes from, where it's been, what diseases it has... " Maya criticized him for the umpteenth time about hooking up with Missy. She yammered on and on about why he shouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole, Maya didn't even recognize him walking over to grab her by the chin until she felt her lips being squeezed together by his fingers and she had to swallow her words.
He released her when he saw Farkle shyly walking up. "No fucking way," he was pleasantly surprised to see his bookish friend there.
Riley grinned with joy and ran to him, "Farkle! You came!" She forced an embrace on him that he was ready to accept.
Maya smacked Lucas' hand away and walked up to them. "Hey, Minkus! I see you even caught the Irish spirit." She pointed out his dark green button-down that looked black to anyone without an artist's eye.
"Yeah, well... I wanted to support Zay and I came bearing gifts!" He revealed a plastic bag half full of white pills.
"Candy!" Maya cheered and Lucas roared with her, "Candy!"
"Gimme-gimme-gimme!" Both of them took one pill each. Maya popped it inside her mouth and threw off her coat, running to the madness. Lucas followed suit. Riley laughed, shaking her head with her hands on her hips.
"So," she dipped one in the bag and put a pill on her tongue. Farkle watched her every move, licking his lips. "You think you're ready for this?"
Farkle was so mesmerized that all he could do was smile like a baby. Riley chuckled and grabbed his hand, leading him into the party. Darby's house was wall to wall with kids from all over the borough. In the crowd, they were able to have view of Zay on his platform and the hostess with her lips attached to his ear. They were being absorbed to the dance floor and Riley never let go of his hand. Finally, they found Maya dancing wildly. When she caught sight of her friends, she shrieked their names like she hasn't seen them in years. She connected to their arms, making them dance together in a circle. Then, the song changed and the group felt themselves being pushed forward like a wave. Everyone started to jump with their hands in the air. Bodies were being pressed and knocked together.
Farkle wasn't pleased but the girls were fine with it. Riley and Maya were dancing together, uncaring of how the looked or who was ogling them. The tall brunette had her hands on the blonde's hips and realizing that the guy was feeling left out, pulled him closer. Riley's hand snaked behind Farkle's neck, making him look down at her fit body move. Slowly, she felt him try to match the patterns of her grinding and hold her bare waist just to keep up. She felt so warm and safe, being in the middle of her two best friends in the whole wide world. Maya spun around by Riley's fingertips, grinning like crazy. With Maya by the hand and Farkle's breath on her neck, Riley would have loved to stay like this forever. Forever dancing, forever free.
Suddenly, Riley was being yanked in another direction. Her friend Tabitha was dragging her away. She looked back and Maya wasn't fazed but Farkle was looking lost.
"I'll be back!" Her voice was barely audible over the bass.
Riley never came back. A small party in the kitchen was being given in her honor by her fellow cheerleaders for having Taryn break her leg, so now Tabitha was the new flyer. They fed her cups of smuggled Everclear mixed with orange juice. There was birthday cake vodka poured down her mouth by a football player. He told her to open her mouth like the good girl she was and she complied. Riley winced at the burning but took the bottle from the boy's thick hands when he wasn't paying attention. With each gulp, Riley could feel herself fading farther and farther away from reality.
Riley couldn't find her friends if she tried, as everyone's faces were blurring. She didn't know anyone anymore, which was fine with her because she always felt like no one knew her. She didn't even remember that she came with Maya and was supposed to be with Farkle. She didn't remember that Lucas was even there. The last thing in her memory was the taste of invincibility. Riley was dripping wet, after jumping in the pool with some other kids earlier. She used Darby's roof as her diving board.
Her close friends would never encourage her to do things like that. She could hurt herself, they'd say. They didn't understand that like this, Riley was a superhuman. She was stronger than all of them. Nothing bad could ever happen. She could keep drinking and dancing as the world fell around her. She would still be standing. For hours, Riley shook and gyrated to the rhythm, never tiring. Finally, when Riley really looked around, she was the last one on the floor. Zay wasn't even at his booth anymore but slower vibing music continued to play. It was like everyone poofed in thin air.
Some kids were passed out on the floor, sleeping in glitter dust. A couple was having sex in the pool. Riley went in the kitchen to find her coat in the sink but but not wet and free of vomit. As she was making her exit, she ran into Zay. He was on the couch with Darby, making out. He didn't notice her pet his afro or even put her face in it. She smelled coconut.
It was when Riley put her hand on his shoulder, he turned and gave her a goofy smile, "Hey... You out?"
"Yeah."
"Need me to walk you home?" Darby's lips pressed kisses to Zay's neck.
Riley hummed a giggle and shook her head, "No. I'll be fine."
"OK. Thanks for coming."
He gave her a high-five that transformed into a handshake and Riley skipped her way to the subway home. In her daze, she twirled around the poles being the only one in her train car. Then, she arrived to her bay window, fully expecting to see a passed out Maya in her bed. Imagine the surprise, when she wasn't there. She climbed into her room and kept staring at her bed so hard, that she thought she could will Maya to appear. That didn't work. She glanced around and still saw her stuff there, so she couldn't have went back home.
Riley carefully stepped into the hallway of her quiet brownstone to search for Maya. She heard a noise come from her parents' bedroom. First, she thought it was just her mom and dad. She took a second to hold back the puke from rising in her throat and was about to keep walking but then she heard another sound. A laugh. Maya's laugh. Her weary eyes narrowed and she tiptoed to the slightly open door. Peaking through, she could make out a back. It was muscular and toned, a man's. He was on his knees and there was pale, smooth legs at his sides. The toes were curling as the man kept pulling the body into his lap. Suddenly, a moan filled the air and Riley's eyes were saucers seeing Maya's face land in the crook of his neck. From a side profile, it could be easily seen that Josh was panting into her ear, shushing her from making too much noise but it was too late for that.
She almost tripped over herself, backing away from what she had saw. Her mind became a mess and tears came to her eyes. She had to get out of there.
How could she? How could they both, but no, how could she? How could she do this to Riley? They were supposed to tell each other everything and she keeps this a dirty little secret? How dare she, how fucking dare she! Riley took her in and this is what she does? She's supposed to healing and being Riley's sister, not off having sex with her uncle. It's revolting. How long was this going on? How long was she lying? And she lied right to Riley's face? Who does Maya think she is? She can't get away with this. This is going to come out, sooner or later. But, of course she won't be punished. No, because everyone pities Maya even when things are her own fucking fault. Poor Maya, she can't good grades because no one helps her. Riley gets good grades and miraculously, she doesn't have to ask anyone, but no big deal. Poor Maya, her mom's a fuck-up, so let's give her a home. Poor Maya, looking for love with people who don't want her because her dad left. Poor fucking Maya.
Everybody protects Maya. Everyone loves Maya. Nobody loves Riley.
Her white knuckles rapped against Lucas' window. He could've had Missy in his bed for all she knew but Riley was taking the risk. A light turned on and a groggy Lucas came into view. As he rubbed his sleepy eyes, Riley remembered that most people needed rest and she wasn't one of them.
He opened the window, squinting, "Riley? What are you doing here? It's almost four."
"Is anyone with you right now?"
"No...?" He dragged out the word, confused.
She quickly nodded and invited herself in. Riley hadn't been in Lucas' room for a long time but it looked the same. The posters of all his favorite sports teams were still on the walls. The wooden cross was still above his bed. Twenty pound dumbbells sat in a corner. It was like time hasn't past at all. She smiled, thinking maybe nothing really changed. Maybe...
"Riley, what's going -" The girl pounced on him eagerly and took his mouth in a hard kiss. He barely had time to react, making a shocked muffled sound. Riley held Lucas close, forcing her tongue into his mouth. She tasted the bourbon on his teeth and swallowed his protests. When he was finally able to pry Riley off him, they were both breathless.
"What the hell, Riley?!" He gently touched his bruised lips.
"I want you, Lucas. I want you to be my first." She declared and with determination got Lucas in her grip again but the kiss made him alert enough to slip away.
"What? Whoa, whoa, whoa - what?"
She reached for his boxers, attempting to take them down, "C'mon, Lucas. We dated already, what's the big deal?"
He grabbed her hands and looked in her foggy eyes. "Riley, what's going on?"
Not expecting his rejection, she wriggled away from him. "Why does something have to be wrong?! Why can't you just have sex with me?! I mean, you find me attractive! We dated!"
Lucas raised his hands, trying to keep her calm, "Riley, that was three years ago. I-I thought we moved on from this - "
"So, what makes me not good enough, huh? You can fuck Missy, you can even fuck Charlie Gardner - you fuck everyone because that's what being bi means, right?! You can have sex with anything that walks and no one can judge you! So, what's the fucking problem, Lucas?!"
Lucas opened his mouth, trying to find his next words and control his anger because it was clear that his friend was going through something right now. He exhaled and stared at the ground. Lucas firmly spoke in a low, ominous tone, "I don't know what's wrong, Riley but because something clearly is wrong, I'm going to do us both a favor and forget you said the things just did. But for the record, if I did sleep with everyone it'd would be my choice and my business and I would like to think my friend could respect it. But I don't sleep with everyone, Riley. I mean, you're exhibit A."
Before she could crumple, Riley muttered, "Fuck you, Lucas." Lucas did plead for her to wait, apologetic but she leaped out the window and down the fire escape. Riley turned around to look back up at the window and the light was turned off. He really wasn't going to stop her. Because, like she thought, he didn't love her.
Riley's vision was blurred with tears the whole way to the Upper East Side. Every time she took a breath, she just began to weep all over again. Hysterically, Riley banged on the Minkus' building door, knowing that someone had to be around. It was the night guard, Darrick. He knew Riley. She cried and insisted that it was an emergency and she needed Farkle right away. No cops or ambulance, just Farkle. It took numerous rings but Farkle did eventually answer the phone. As soon as the guard mentioned Riley, Farkle jolted awake and demanded that she be sent up.
He ran to his door to meet her in his pajamas. When he opened the door there she was, beautifully miserable with mascara running down her face. As soon as Farkle locked the door behind them, Riley put her arms around him and gave him a deep, enveloping kiss. She held his face and let her fingers massage the nape of his neck. For a second, he let himself drift along her lips because he had to be dreaming. But then, gently he pushed her away.
Farkle searched her eyes and whispered her name but Riley begged, "Farkle, please. Please say 'yes'. Please." She peppered kisses on his neck and cheeks. She sounded so desperate, it broke Farkle's heart in half. He guided them in front of the fireplace, where he saw her better. He was less shy and awkward with his actions, now putting his hands in Riley's hair and letting his tongue caress her neck. Riley began to unbutton his top, tugging him down to the rug with her. Every move was so tender and pure. It didn't even hurt like everyone said but it there was an aching in the depths of her stomach. A need, as he let his hands explore her nakedness, to be touched so preciously like she could disappear at any moment. When he was inside her, he held her fingers and kissed them. She wept because never has she felt so beautiful, so safe in someone's arms.
Never has she felt so loved.
Riley had over-slept. She woke up in a panic in Farkle's arms, near the fire. She was going to be late for practice. She found her clothes and stuffed her body into them. Hurriedly, she ran down the steps as the elevator wasn't quick enough. She yelled a goodbye to Derrick as she flew past him. Riley ran all the way to the subway, thinking about how she didn't have her uniform. In the gym's lost and found had some baggy gym shorts and an Adams' School guys t-shirt. It would have to do. All of the girls were in position about to begin, when Riley came jogging up.
"Baby Matthews, late!" Missy hollered.
"Sorry! Won't happen again!" Riley took one of her bracelets from the night before and put her hair in a high-pony.
Missy ignored her and began to start the routine. "5, 6, 7, 8!"
AN: Well, not 11,000 but still a bit too long for my liking. Thanks for reading and if you like what you read, please review.
Next up: Farkle.
