"Merlin?" There was a soft tap on the warlock's door, and it slowly creaked open to reveal Guinevere.
"Gwen? What are you doing here?" Merlin spoke softly, not wanting to trigger a cough attack in front of the queen.
"I was just stopping by to see how you were doing. Gaius said that your fever had gone down, but I wanted to see for myself. I'm glad you're feeling better, Merlin." The young warlock smiled, but the smile quickly dropped and he coughed harshly into his sleeve, taking care to turn away from Gwen as he did so.
"Although not too much better, I reckon. How bad is it?" Merlin stiffened, but Gwen held his gaze until he answered.
"It hurts, mostly. I just want to be able to go back to my duties, which I would if it weren't for thi-" He broke off, coughing once more, and he felt a warm hand place itself on his shoulder.
"For the cough?" The queen offered helpfully, and Merlin gave her a frustrated look.
"Yeah. For this damn cough." At this, Gwen took the ill servant into her arms, hugging him in a comforting manner.
"You'll get better soon, Merlin. I know you will. In the meantime, we can help you get your strength back. You're all skin and bones."
"I couldn't eat during the worst of it. It would all just come right back up." Gwen made a sympathetic noise and continued holding her friend, as Merlin made no attempt to move from where they sat.
Suddenly, Merlin started to cough. He quickly freed himself from Gwen's embrace and turned away from her, wincing as pain shot through his chest with every inhale. Even though the coughs were less productive now, they still sounded nasty, and Gwen didn't really know what to do to help.
"Easy, Merlin. Just breathe." She said, feeling useless as she rubbed his back. He made no sign that he heard her, but just kept on coughing, until finally he let his head droop down and the coughs ceased.
"Merlin? You alright?" No answer. "Hello?" She turned his head to face her own and gasped. There was a small trickle of blood coming from his mouth, and his eyes had rolled back into his head.
"Gaius!" She screamed, and the physician rushed into the room.
"What happened?" He said professionally, while helping Gwen lay Merlin down on the bed.
"I don't know! We were talking and he started coughing and-" Gwen's eyes were wild with worry, as were Gaius's.
"It's okay, Guinevere. Please move out of the way so I can check his lungs." Obediently, Gwen backed up to the wall, devastated by Merlin's apparent turn for the worse. She watched as Gaius pressed an ear to Merlin's chest and felt his pulse, and she winced when Merlin started to cough again.
"Merlin, can you hear me?" Gaius said firmly, and Merlin nodded, unable to say anything.
"You're okay Merlin. It's just a minor bleed, and you're choking on the blood. I need you to help me sit you up, can you do that?" Again, Merlin nodded, and Gaius helped him to sit up.
"Is there anything I can do?" Asked Gwen, desperate to help in some way.
"Get me a towel. I don't want him to stain his sheets with blood." Gwen raced to where she knew Gaius kept the towels and grabbed one, then ran back to where Merlin was still coughing, blood dribbling down his chin and onto his nightshirt. The physician held the towel under Merlin's face as he coughed up the dark red liquid.
"What's happened?" Gaius looked up at the queen comfortingly.
"It's alright, m'lady. It is merely a minor bleed in his lungs. It will cease soon enough - think of it as a nosebleed. He'll be fine." Gwen looked dubious, but relaxed slightly as the flow of blood began to taper off and Merlin was able to breathe. Gently, Gaius lowered Merlin back down onto the bed, wiping off the smears of blood on the warlock's face as he did so.
"What… the hell… was that?" Whispered Merlin.
"There was a minor bleed in your lungs, Merlin. It's nothing to worry about. It was bound to happen, as there was damage to them from the sickness." Merlin looked fearful but resigned, and then glanced over to where Gwen stood, wide-eyed and trembling."
"Gwen, why don't you sit down. You look like you're about to fall over." Merlin said all of this in a joking matter, but suddenly Gwen rushed to his side.
"Oh, Merlin! You don't even know, do you?"
"Know what?" He asked, taken aback.
"About how worried we've all been about you! You come back from a hunt, sick out of your mind, practically dying, all the while ranting and raving in a fever dream about how Arthur's going to burn you at the stake! You say you're fine now but how could you be? I've seen with my own eyes the damage that's been done to you, and yet you're worried about me? Arthur's been up all night, for he can't sleep since you've taken ill! Gwaine's been pacing the corridors, and when he found out you were awake, he practically fainted before coming to see you! Lancelot has been beside himself, as he feels that it was all his fault that he didn't see it coming! And yet you yell at them, accuse them of not caring - Merlin, they love you, and you can't even see it through your mask of self-hate and misery! If you took one second to look, really look, you would see that you aren't alone, and you never have been. So I need you to see that, before you die from not caring enough about what happens to you!" Merlin laid there, taking in all of what she said, tears rolling shamelessly down his face. Gaius had left, wanting to give them some privacy, so they were alone.
"Gwen…" He started, his voice choked from the sobs that threatened to tear out from his throat. He coughed, wincing once more from the white-hot pain in his chest.
"I don't… I don't know what to say, except…" He paused to cough again, and Gwen could see that he was holding back another fit to get the words out. "Except thank you."
"I don't need you to thank me, Merlin. I need you to get better." Gwen smiled though, to show that she meant it, and Merlin smiled too.
"Now you need to rest. I'll come back later. And about what I said?" Merlin looked expectantly at her, "I hope you know I speak for the others, too. Especially Arthur." She took one last look at the frail man laying in the bed, then left, closing the door softly behind her, leaving Merlin to his thoughts.
Merlin laid in bed, mulling over Gwen's unexpected outburst. He knew that she had been right, so why did thinking about it make him so uncomfortable? He did not know, but he did know that he had been wrong to confront Arthur and the knights like that.
"Merlin? May I come in?" The young warlock heard the voice of Gaius echo through the door, and Merlin called out to let him in.
"Gaius? Is everything alright?"
"Oh, yes, of course. I just wanted to give you a draught to help with the pain you seem to be feeling in your chest. I noticed you rubbing it earlier, and you wincing. How badly does it hurt?" Merlin was quiet for a second, so Gaius added, "Tell me the truth."
"It's… not great." Gaius raised an eyebrow, forcing Merlin to elaborate. "It burns, and it's sharp. It feels like I'm being stabbed, over and over again." Gaius frowned in concern, then uncorked the bottle he brought with him.
"This should help take away some of the pain, but I have to say - what you've said worries me. Tell me if the pain gets any worse, alright?" Merlin nodded, then turned his head, signalling to Gaius that he wanted to be alone. The physician took the hint and stepped out of the room to give his ward some privacy.
The next three days were rough ones; Merlin suffered through two more bleeds, but each one was easier than the one before it. It was at the end of the third day, just when the sun began to set over Camelot, when Merlin was finally able to get out of the bed he had been confined to for almost a week. The trip was short, as Merlin was only able to make it to his door before he collapsed from exhaustion. Gaius, Arthur and Lancelot caught him in time, however, and helped him back to his bed.
"Will I ever get my strength back?" Asked Merlin, sounding younger than he actually was.
"Of course!" Lancelot said cheerfully, but Merlin could detect a hint of something false in his wide smile.
"That was convincing." This time, Lancelot smiled for real, as did Arthur and Gaius.
"Well, I'm glad you haven't lost your sense of humor at least." Arthur mocked, making everyone in the room laugh. Merlin ended his with a cough, making everyone stop and stare at him.
"Before anyone says anything, I'm alright. The laugh just rubbed my throat wrong. I'm not about to die on you." The feeble attempt at a joke was met with even more feeble attempts at smiles.
"Well…" Lancelot said after an awkward silence, "I don't know about you guys, but I'm ready to go to bed. Merlin, I'm glad you were able to be up and about. Hopefully it'll all go up from there. Gaius, My Lord." After the knight excused himself, he left the room, leaving Gaius and Arthur alone with the exhausted warlock.
"So, how's it going with George? I hear he was a real laugh at the feast a couple days ago."
"If you're referring to his attempts made on the Lady Elisa, that was not funny. She threatened to string him up!" Merlin had been looking at Arthur with amusement, and at this last statement he burst out laughing.
"I'm sorry, but George… flirting with a noblewoman… what did he ever think would come out of that?" Now Arthur was laughing too, and for a minute they just sat there, laughing for the sake of laughter. But, of course, their laughter was interrupted by Merlin's lungs.
"Sorry." Merlin said quietly, but Arthur quickly shut that down.
"Merlin, there's no need to apologize. I know you can't help it."
"No, Arthur, I'm sorry for shouting at you before. I was wrong, and I'm sorry for-"
"Stop." Arthur's voice was calm, but it carried the kind of kingly authority that would shut anyone up.
"I'm not angry with you, Merlin. Perhaps… I have not shown you the care that you deserve. Perhaps you were right."
Merlin gaped at Arthur, completely caught off guard by this sudden display of affection.
"Arthur… are you finally admitting that you were wrong?" Arthur scowled and pushed Merlin gently.
"No, I'm simply…" But of course, the king didn't know what to say next, and Merlin smiled.
"Thanks."
"It's no problem. But you need to rest, as do I. I'll come back in the morning."
"I'll see you tomorrow, my lord." Arthur smiled, then exited his friend's chambers and walked to his own, wishing the whole way there that his friend was by his side.
