Disclaimer: Stendy fans are gonna cry once they read this chapter. You have been forewarned.
Chapter Eighteen - Threnody.
There's always that one time when we feel very down. For example, I once failed a math test, and then I was soon after shot at school in the arm. I survived, but my parents only seemed concerned about my grades. Another was when I betrayed Kyle during Guitar Hero because I cared more about reaching one million points in a video game than the feelings of my own best friend, and I was ostracized a bit for it. There was also the time Cartman started a Christian Rock Band while we were too busy trying to protest against piracy, and it turned out that Cartman beat us because he was the one putting in work while we were doing nothing but protesting and complaining. I suppose all the times Wendy broke up with me also count.
This scenario is much different, however. This was Cartman, our mortal enemy, exposing all of our flaws towards us and exposing all of the horrors in his plans and thoughts. And the worst part is that we can't even call him out for his bullshit, for he was bound to the Lasso of Truth! This was pure evil and hatred that dwelled in his heart and mind for so long, slowly fusing into some ugly congealment, and when it only took the right catalyst (the lasso) to let it loose, we were woefully unprepared for it. Seems in the end that it is true: the truth can hurt more than a thousand lies.
I don't really read much Wonder Woman at all, so I don't know the true, exact intent of that artifact's existence. What I can guess is that it was probably intended to be used against scummy, lustful men who cheat on their girlfriends or wives, or used against Saturday morning, mustache-twirling cartoon villains with comedic effect. It probably wasn't intended for a complete psychopath like Cartman, whose evil and hatred was like lightning in a bottle, and it was as if it was the lasso that broke the bottle open. Of course, I didn't leave it behind. I recoiled it and hung it off my backside.
Our entire party was demoralized. Everybody was deathly silent. There were faces full of frowns and shock through varying degrees, though the end result is the same. It seemed as if just like myself, we didn't take Cartman's criticisms too well. I didn't - after all, Cartman was right about me. I just wanted to look like the badass at school because when I'm at home, I feel like nothing to Shelly. I can't say I never cared for Kyle, Kenny, Butters, and Wendy, but they were excellent to my social resume. They were all what propped me up socially in various different ways, and at this point, I'm starting to wonder if I took them for granted. Hell, it felt nice that Bebe, Tyler, Chris, Ellen, and Kathy also followed me willingly, which begged the certain question: do I really care about my party, or am I really just using my status to conceal my shitty family life? That moment with Cartman just now was what made me really start to question everything I know. This really got me back to thinking about what Butters said about us...
"You just think you know everything, don't you Kyle?! Every little thing you gotta shoot your mouth off like you're the frickin' expert! Well you don't know everything because your best friend is a kid who thinks the entire planet revolves around him and he only cares about HIS image! You guys think Cartman is the only selfish piece of crap in this school? You're all fake and stuck up, and none of you have the courage to tell Jimmy that his jokes aren't funny! The only kid here with any sense of dignity is Kenny, and the rest of you have your heads up your butts!"
I suppose that in the end, it made sense for Butters to be critical about us, given we used to bully and rip on him too.
We were all currently where we needed to be: we found the yellow Cessna at the far end of the international airstrips. The plane was parked, the door was open, and the stairs were extended down to ground level. At the base of the stairs was a Chinese man waiting for us, who wore dark dark gray pants, a white dress shirt, a red tie, a blue trenchcoat, and a blue captain's had. It was him alright.
"Herro, welcome Shitty Airrine," Tuong Lu Kim said. "Are you Bebe Stevens? Party of ten?" Bebe simply gave a single nod without a word. "Good, good, right this way."
None of us really argued or said a word. After all of the bullshit that we had encountered so far today, none of us had the energy to start any drama, neither within us nor against Mr. Kim. Now I've been on his plane ride before, and last time, we nearly crash-landed while Mr. Kim ditched us. I'm expecting the exact same thing honestly, though at this point, this was the best way to Canada, so we'll take what we can get. Without a second thought, we all climbed inside.
Ellen's and Wendy's pets were situated in the far back. Mr. Kim took the pilot's seat, as to be expected. As for the passengers, there were only two rows of seats, so on the front row from left to right it was Kyle, Bebe, me, and Wendy, and the back row was Chris, Kathy, Tyler, and Ellen. We were all rather crammed together, and it smelled like Kung Pao Chicken, which is to be expected of the owner of City Wok.
The stairs retracted, and Mr. Kim shut the door. He took out the intercom and spoke into it. "Okay, welcome aboard Shitty Airrines. This is your captain speaking. Looking about a two hour fright. I'll be turning on the seatbelt sign now. If your seats have seatbelts, this is the time you will fasten them. Please sit back, relax, and enjoy your Shitty fright." Without a second to spare, the plane turned on, then moved forward, turned right onto a long airstrip, and began to sped up. The ride on the ground was extremely bumpy, so bumpy that my head was moving all over the place. Therefore, the moment the plane managed to lift itself off the ground was the moment I accidentally bumped heads with Wendy, and that was the moment I blacked out.
I could feel bumps, so much so that I stirred awake immediately. I looked to my right, past Wendy and out the window. It was still rather bright outside, though I could see the sun setting. I took out my phone and it read 7:17 PM. My eyes then scanned over the airplane console and that was the moment I was filled with dread - none of the buttons were lit. There was no power in this plane whatsoever. The moment I discovered this was the moment we started hitting heavy turbulence, and that was when the plane ride became extremely bumpy.
It turned out Mr. Kim was asleep again, just like last time. He stirred awake. "Oh...oh shit!"
The rest of my party began to awaken as well. "W...what the hell's going on?" Bebe yawned.
As our party began to awaken, Mr. Kim took out the intercom and spoke, "Herro from the cockpit, this is your captain speaking. As you can see, it appears that we are goin' down. Now would be a good time to reflect on your rife, and pray to whatever deity you believe in. Thank you for flying Shitty Airrines. We know you have a choice in airrines, and it looks like you made the wrong one."
"Wait, what?!" Wendy exclaimed.
Mr. Kim didn't respond however. He reached underneath his own seat and grabbed what appeared to be a green backpack before wearing it on his back. He then opened the door, and we could feel furious winds wanting to pull us away. Mr. Kim jumped out without another word.
"Hey, where the hell are you going?!" But Kyle's words were no use - Mr. Kim was already long gone, just like last time too. Therefore, Kyle got into the pilot's seat.
"Do something, Kyle!" I demanded.
"I'm trying!"
Of course though, none of us knew how to fly an airplane - a rather expected outcome as we're all just ten-year-olds. "AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!" All of us screamed in terror at the top of our lungs, ready to crash land and explode to our deaths. I stared out the front windshield and felt my guts lurch as the plane took a nose dive. There was snow everywhere on ground level, and we were diving into a taiga forest that rested inside a valley between two mountains - a biome that us South Parkers were already largely familiar with. Nevertheless, this is still literally the wildnerness, so we were stuck in the middle of nowhere in Canada, a foreign country.
And then I blacked out again.
I stirred awake as smoke began to fill my lungs. I was trapped underneath warm metal, yet I could feel cold snow on the ground. Nevermind that, I was stuck underneath wreckage. I needed to get out now. I managed to stand up, and a large metal plate was less than half an inch above my head, so I brought my arms up and tried to push it out. "Help!"
Turns out that I didn't even need to push the plate up as it was lifted. Two hands caught both of my wrists, and I was pulled out of the wreckage and on top of the airplane. It was none other than Wendy and Kyle who sat with me as they pulled me out. I could feel the chill breeze. "Dude, you alright?!"
"Y-y-yeah." I tried to inhale and exhale, but had a hard time due to the amount of smoke I breathed in.
Wendy slapped my back hard with her left hand twice. The slap stung, though I managed to harshly wheeze, cough, and spit out smoke. "You're okay Stan. Just try to breathe slow."
"Where's everyone else?" I asked.
Then I heard Kathy's voice from below. "We're over here!"
I looked down, and sure enough, it was the rest of our party standing beside the plane on ground level. "So that's everyone?"
"Everyone but Wendy's demon." Tyler pointed towards my left, where the front of the plane was. On the ground was Wendy's felhunter, impaled in its head by a fan blade. A moment later, it disappeared from the physical plane, and the fan blade, with nothing to stand into, fell to the ground lying down horizontally.
"I'll resummon it tomorrow," Wendy groaned as she lept off the airplane and onto the ground with the others, and Kyle and I followed suit just after.
I looked around. It was just snow-covered pine trees everywhere that were at least forty feet tall. We were literally in the middle of the forest lost. Even though we were all acclimated to this biome, courtesy of living in South Park, being lost in the wilderness in a foreign country is still a very bad situation to be in.
"So we're just trapped in this wilderness with nothing, no food, no shelter?" Bebe asked.
"Well given that our pilot also owns City Wok, he probably has Chinese food in the plane we could salvage," Kyle reasoned.
"Guys, look."
We followed Ellen's voice, and slightly up the valley towards the north, and slightly to the right was where we could see the mouth of a rocky cave embedded into the mountainside. It was about sixty yards away, so not too much of a hike. "We could probably rest there before it gets very dark."
We didn't have much other options at this point. I simply nodded. "Yeah. Let's do it."
After eating chow mein and kung pao chicken from the wreckage of the plane, we then began to make our way into the cave. It was just one single circular room that had a radius of about thirty yards, so it was more than big enough for eight of us plus Ellen's wolf. Chris, Tyler, and Ellen all gathered firewood while Bebe and I created a bonfire with the firewood the aforementioned three gathered, where the sticks were held up in a tipi that was as tall as I was. Then Kyle, Wendy, and Kathy used their fire magics to light the bonfire aflame. At least we'll be fine for the night.
Of course, our mental and emotional states were a different matter altogether. Bebe was sitting by the entrance to the cave at the entrance's right side, curled into a ball as she held her knees to her chest. Kyle and Tyler both sat on opposite sides of the bonfire, Kyle being closest to the entrance as his back faced outwards, and Tyler's greatsword was resting on his lap. Ellen sat off to the right side, with her left hand lazily petting her wolf that was lying down. Kathy sat against the wall behind Tyler, and Chris was off to the left side by himself. They were all saddened in dismay, their eyes lifeless.
"There's gotta be something we can do," Wendy whispered to me. "Make them feel better somehow."
"It's Cartman, it has to be him," I whispered back. "What he said earlier must have gotten into their heads. We gotta snap them out of it somehow." Wendy nodded at me.
Wendy and I both made our way to Kathy first. She was lying down on the ground on her back, with her hands underneath her head. When we approached her, she slowly turned her head towards us. "What do you two want?" Unlike usual, there was no energy in Kathy's monotone voice.
"Um..." Wendy shot me an awkward glance before looking back at Kathy. "We were just...er, hoping you'd, well...you know...how are you doing?"
"Does it really matter how I feel?" Kathy spoke in a snarky, monotone tone. "Who cares, you're all cool kids, and I am just a nerd. A nerd who doesn't know what she wants, and a nerd who apparently also hates fat people too. Fatphobic I think is the word...actually I don't even know. I guess hypocrite applies too. Why? Because we're all terrible, and instead of trying to branch off, I just follow the crowd, try to fit in or something, or whatever."
"Kathy, you're none of that..." I started.
"Really, Stan? You think you know me better?" Kathy sat up straight and crossed her legs. "For so long I've lied to people about who I really am. Lied to myself about who I really am - because I couldn't trust others around me. I'm not even sure why I'm even here right now. So please...spare me your sympathies. I don't deserve any of this right now. He's...completely right. We're all just fakes, posers, and egomaniacs in the end. I don't deserve any trust after what I've done." Kathy sniffled, and I could see tears drip from her eyes. "M-myself included." She held her hands into her face as she began to cry.
"Kathy..." But she didn't address Wendy any further, she continued to cry.
"Let's just...give her some room," I suggested. Wendy nodded.
Wendy and I then went over to Chris. I figured he had to be reacting differently. However, when we got to him, he immediately backed up and brandished one of his daggers, pointing it at us. "S-s-stay back!" His voice was much more frantic and shaky than usual.
"Chris, what are you doing?" Wendy's tone was filled more of worry and sorrow rather than anger.
"Come on, put the knife down," I said rather sternly.
But Chris didn't relent, backing away like a cornered animal. He looked us in our eyes, though we could plainly see tears water from his. "No! H-he's right! It's all we ever do - hurt each other! Everytime I l-look at all of us, I...I just think to myself...all the d-drama that we've been through...t-the amount of times we f-fight over petty bullshit...I c-can't trust anyone. Not anyone in our class - a-and not even you guys."
"We're all in this together," Wendy pleaded.
"H-how do I know you guys aren't gonna abandon me l-later, like what you did to each other?" Oh dear, Cartman's gotten into Chris's head as well, and he had to reference Wendy's breakups with me. I cringed heavily. "W-we don't care about each other. Never did. N-not even my parents care. O-only my brother, b-but now he'll be alone w-when we die. I-I knew it was a mistake l-letting my heart out to you guys from the very beginning. Please, I..." He pointed the knife at us again. "I-I-I'll stab you both if y-you don't leave me alone!"
It was a threat alright. However, given the delicate situation of an emotionally traumatized kid pulling a knife on us, I put my left arm in front of Wendy to hold her back. "Come on, Wendy, let's just give him some space." As we walked away, he let the knife slip out of his right hand to the ground as he continued to cry.
We went over to Ellen. She wasn't happy at all. This was one of the rare instances she was genuinely scowling, and coming from a usually kind girl too. "I don't even know who I am anymore," she said lowly.
"What do you mean?" Wendy asked.
"I've...come to terms with the fact that there's no such thing as kindness in this world. No love." Ellen brought out both her hands. "Is the world truly a wicked place? Is it? I really want to know, b-because it seems that all of us, as well as everybody, has a complete disregard for others' feelings. W-why do I even try to be good to others when nobody seems to give a shit?"
"Ellen you know you can't give up on others..." I stared. "Listen, you-"
Ellen swiftly interrupted me. "No, you listen! How can you guys possibly even call yourselves heroes?! How can any of us?! You think Cartman's the only bad guy?! We made him into who he is! All of us! We're all bad guys too, and if you think otherwise, and if you think there's any kindness left in this world, then fuck you! You're actually just a retard!" Wendy and I jumped slightly at Ellen's uncharacteristic aggression. Ellen gasped, likely quickly realizing what she just said. "Oh my God...w-what's gotten into me? W-what the hell is wrong with me?" she spoke softly. She began to cry too, turning away from us.
Wendy whispered in my ear. "Is Cartman really getting into everyone?" I certainly hope Wendy's prediction isn't true, but given the track record so far, things aren't looking great.
We went over to Tyler now, who was just staring into the bonfire right in front of him. "This is...an expected outcome, really," he said softly.
"Um..." I wasn't sure what to say here. If he elaborates on this, which I'm sure he will, I'm certain this is also going to be rather depressing.
"This is so short-sighted of me...me even coming here in the first place." Needless to say, there was no fire in Tyler's voice, nothing but lifelessness. "Huff...it was ridiculous of me to think that I could even contribute anything at all. I'm just a black sheep that my parents never wanted. The sheep who turned into a jerk that hurts others, just like the rest of our peers. Not surprising at all that we're stuck in a cave."
"Tyler, you're more than just a dumb bully," Wendy tried. "You have so much potential in you."
Tyler shook his head. "No, Wendy. No I don't." He set his greatsword aside to his right. "I...don't deserve this sword. I...don't deserve you guys. It...doesn't matter anymore. Nothing...will change the fact that Cartman's won...every time our town gets fucked up by something external...I can't take it anymore. We've always been on death's door since the very beginning." Tyler closed his eyes. I could see tears coming from his eyes, though he wasn't even trying to hide the fact that he's crying. "L-l-let's j-just...g-g-give it up."
When even Tyler is shedding tears, that's when I know that everything has gone to shit for us. I reached out with my left hand to try to rub his back, but I retracted my hand, deciding against the action. "Sorry..."
Wendy and I went over to Bebe now. She parked herself right next to the entrance to the cave, though she was staring at the bonfire. "This is the type of person I've become."
"Bebe, you're not..." Wendy started.
But Bebe shook her head. She looked at us straight, though I could see tears water from her eyes as well. "We are s-such fucked up people. I'm such a fucked up person. I've b-been so mean to people, I've been so greedy too, and it took Cartman of all people to f-finally call me out on it for me to realize it all. A-and when it takes Cartman to be the one...it kinda says who I really am."
"You're better than this, Bebe," I tried.
"No I'm not, Stan. I'm just a dirty, rotten kid, who only goes after trends j-just to look good, j-just to being recognition or something to my family name. I gave up trying to be a good girl, and this is what happens. I hurt both Kyle and Clyde's many times. And when Heidi broke up with Cartman, I laughed at her. I even beat up boys just for being boys during the gender war. Maybe for the good of us all, the only repentance that is possible here is...well, maybe it's best I just...disappear. Permanently." She buried her face into her knees as she sobbed louder.
"Not Bebe too..." Wendy whined.
We went over to Kyle, who was also at the bonfire directly opposite of Tyler. Honestly, after everything that has happened, I think this is going to hit Kyle the hardest. "Look at all my faults. Only makes sense, considering who my parents are."
"Not you too Kyle..." I groaned. "...you know that fat fuck is just messing with you."
"He's right about everything." Kyle shook his head. "He's right about us all. We can pretend all we want that we're the good guys, but in the end it's true. We leave nothing but destruction in our wake. We've screwed over so many people. Even when we think that we have such good intent, we always at the end of the day find some way to fuck it all up." Kyle folded his arms. "Because we're just stupid kids in the end, and not heroes."
"You can't let him get into your head," Wendy said. "You out of everyone here know best that this is exactly what he wants."
"This is exactly how it is, Wendy." Kyle's voice began to rise. "You really think you can fix the mess we're in?! You can't even fix Stan, because that's what your breakup note said, right?! How do you expect some social justice protest or 'I learned something today' speech will help?! Or is this some sort of sick, twisted comedy show that we're living in?!" I grimaced after hearing Kyle tear straight into us. "Let's just face it: we all suck ass. We act too much like teenagers or adults, and we're such fucked up people. Only ten years old we all are, and we're already so fucked up. Why do I even bother anymore..." He buried his face into his knees as he too began to cry.
Wendy and I backed off. Looking around at the others, they were all completely demoralized. "This is bad, Wendy. Real bad."
"There's gotta be something I can do..." Wendy reached into her robes and pulled out two soul shards - purple gems that slightly glowed. "I'll need to save one of these to summon a new felhunter..." She deposited one of the shards back into her robes. "The other one though...Stan, I got it! We're lost right now, sure, but not for long!"
"What do you mean? What are you doing with that soul shard?" When an idea pops in Wendy's head, she starts going forward, only thinking about what's in her mind without anyone else's consideration. Careless to a fault.
"The warlock spell - Ritual of Summoning. We need to get to where Santa would be, right?" Wendy placed her hands on both of my shoulders. "Think about this: what if I summoned Mr. Hankey here, then that way he can forge a train made of shit so he can transport us to Santa, right? Wouldn't that be a genius idea?!" Oh yeah, I forgot Mr. Hankey could do that - he did that for Cartman, Kyle, and I one time when we sought to bring Christmas to Iraq.
"Well..." I glanced towards the entrance of the cave. It is steadily getting darker, and the wind was picking up as I could see specs of snow flying from right to left. "...at this point, we've nothing else to lose."
"I will need you and one other person to complete the ritual though..." Wendy looked over at Bebe. "Bebe, mind if you helped me with summoning Mr. Hankey?" Bebe glanced up at Wendy as she wiped away her tears. I could hear a sigh from her, but she reluctantly agreed anyways, standing up and coming over to Wendy and me. "When the portal appears, I'll need you both to channel your innate magic into it for the summoning to work." Wendy rubbed her hands together while grinning widely. "Alright. Here we go."
Wendy pushed both her hands outwards as black shadows overtook them. Meanwhile, a portal of blackness appeared in front of Wendy. Bebe and I nodded at each other, noting that now is our cue. Bebe extended her right arm while I extended my left arm, as if all three of us were reaching out. Bebe's right hand and my left hand began to glow black, and I could feel cold winds throughout my hands. I knew that the tingling sensation meant that I was contributing to the summoning, and therefore the ritual was working. Then a few seconds later, a certain thing came out of the portal.
What came out of the portal was not what I expected - and this was very bad for us. We were expecting...well, Mr. Hankey himself. What appeared before us instead was a beagle that stood on its hind legs, and a small yellow bird that sat on its head. These attributes were so specific and unlike any other dog that there is only one conclusion to what - or who Wendy had accidentally summoned to our location.
"Are you serious, Wendy?" My heart was beating quickly - due to the anger that flared up inside me. I turned fully to Wendy as I put my left arm down. "ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?! YOU SUMMONED SNOOPY AND WOODSTOCK?! HOW ARE THEY EVEN GOING TO HELP?! THEY DON'T EVEN BELONG TO YOU ANYWAYS!"
The black portal fizzled out, and so our hands no longer glowed. Bebe backed away and sat down at the entrance to the cave where she previously did before. I looked around briefly. Everybody was looking up at both Wendy and me. "S-Stan, I didn't even think-"
Usually, I don't get mad at her - I care about her too much. However, she fucked up so hard in such a dire situation we're all in. "YOU HAD ONE FUCKING JOB AS A WARLOCK - SUMMON MR. HANKEY! AND YOU MANAGED TO FAIL AT THAT TOO! YOU'RE FUCKING USELESS!"
"Ruff!"
Snoopy's bark caught my attention. It appeared that both the dog and the bird were a few feet outside the cave. Woodstock was still on Snoopy's head, and Snoopy was for a moment squatting over a piece of poop, but then stood back up straight again. There is only one solution to what the dog just did.
"OH NOW HE JUST CRAPPED IN FRONT OF THE CAVE! YOU HAPPY NOW WENDY?!"
Wendy glared back at me. "It...was my idea first..." She sniffled, and then tears welled from her eyes as well. She backed away towards the left side of the cave at the outer edge. She rolled over so that her back was facing towards the entrance, and she was lying down on her left side, before crying loudly.
And just like that, the fire in me died immediately.
"Oh Jesus...Wendy!" I could feel the panic fill up inside me. I rushed over to Wendy and knelt down besides her. "Wendy, I'm - I'm s-so sorry, I shouldn't have-"
"You're right," she interrupted as she continued to cry. "I'm useless! I'm - I'm the worst. I c-can't fight for shit, I c-can't think for shit, I d-don't even know what the fuck I'm doing half the time! I don't even know why I th-thought going on an adventure with you guys was a good idea when it's so obvious I can't do anything right! I s-s-suck so hard! A-and yet I'm just...well...you know..."
My heart was beating quickly. I need to find some way to calm her down fast. "Wendy, please, you're doing g-g-great! I swear it!"
"N-no, Stan. It's - it's not great at all. P-please don't look at me." Wendy continued to sob while turned away from me. "I'm - I'm a disaster. It's so obvious...that I'm not cut out for the hard stuff like this at all. All I ever can d-do is preach about politics at - at school. B-but when it comes to this stuff, I'm nothing but...a coward of sorts. C-Cartman doesn't count, h-he was a pussy until he g-got magical powers. A-and all I have ever done is hurt others. Hurt you Stan. And now I kidnapped someone's dog. S-so yeah...this is the fate we all deserve. God hates us."
This was really bad. Therefore, I tried the last resort method of trying to cheer her up. "'Summer after high school, when we first met, we'd make out in your Mustang to Radiohead, and on my eighteenth birthday, we got matching tattoos...'"
But Wendy did not stir this time. She continued to cry. Therefore, I fell silent as well. I looked towards the others, who were back to looking down at their own laps or knees, as depressed as Wendy is. "Shit...I...left my rune of portals at home," Kathy admitted.
"It doesn't matter, even if we manage to return home, Cartman will do us in eventually." I was too tired to argue. I just wanted to cry too.
I looked back out the entrance, and I noticed something odd: the crap that Snoopy took disappeared completely, as if it was never there. Speaking of who, both the beagle and Woodstock the bird lied down next to me. They both gave me an apologetic glance before curling up and beginning to fall asleep. I lied down on my back next to Wendy and sighed. In the end, I guess Cartman is right. We can't do anything right at all, and we're just like him. Therefore, I began to cry myself to sleep.
"Who...farted..." I murmured those two words as a stench filled my nose, so much so that it began to pull me out of slumber. I slowly opened my eyes only to see a piece of poop on my chest standing upright.
Wait, standing upright?!
I opened my eyes widely immediately, and it was indeed a piece of poop...with eyes and a Christmas hat. Therefore, there is only one possibility for the chain of events here.
"Howdy ho!" As the poop spoke those words, the rest of our party slowly began to wake up from their slumber. I glanced out the entrance and it was somewhat pitch black, though moonlight was reflected off the surface of the snow on the ground and on the trees, so nighttime visibility wasn't actually all that bad.
I looked back at the crap again. "Mr. Hankey?"
Wendy stirred awake. "Wait, I don't understand, I thought I failed the summoning ritual, how did you even get here Mr. Hankey?"
"Oh I simply had some other form of transportation." Mr. Hankey stuck out his left hand and gestured towards Snoopy.
"Wait, so when Wendy was trying to summon you, you were inside Snoopy, which is why Snoopy and Woodstock got summoned?" Wow, this actually made alot of sense now.
"Yes indeed," Mr. Hankey said. "And I know what Cartman is up to, and I couldn't help but overhear your argument, so I brought you guys something nice. Come outside, all of you." We all glanced at each other and did as told.
I briefly checked my phone, and it was 10:06 PM. The air was frigid and deadly, so much so that it sent death chills down my bones. To make matters worse, the sky was completely black and clear, shining stars in the sky, so nothing could trap heat in and therefore it will only get colder from here. On the flip side, the full moon is out, illuminating all of the snow, so we aren't going to have trouble seeing. In front of us were two roofless Lamborghini Aventadors...made entirely out of poop.
"These sickass rides I call the 'Lamborghini Aventurdor' and a bit of a play on words." Mr. Hankey chuckled. "Not only can these sexy beasts go over four hundred miles-per-hour, these are also one-hundred-percent eco-friendly as well. Last I checked, Cartman is up to no good. Do you know where he would be?"
"Santa's castle," I replied.
"Let's all get on in then."
The rest of us remained silent. Looking at the others, they weren't that much happier than previously, despite the salvation of Mr. Hankey coming for us. I knew that Cartman's words must have still dwelled within them, but I didn't want to talk about that for now. One of the turd cars had Snoopy and Woodstock in the driver's seat, with Tyler on the passenger side, then in the back from left to right was Kathy, Chris, and Ellen, with her wolf on her lap. On the other car was Mr. Hankey as the driver with me on the passenger side, then in the back from left to right was Bebe, Kyle, and Wendy.
"Buckle up, buckaroos." Without further ado, the car I sat in took off first, with the other one trailing not too far behind.
It was a rather swift ride. We were blasting past trees, rocks, and ice structures at dangerously blazing speeds. What initially had a stench of shit faded out due to the chilly mountain air, and I felt the sting of cold winds more than the smell of poop. It took us half an hour until we eventually parked on a small road on a cliffside embedded in a little dip. Where we parked overlooked a valley with trees followed by what appeared to be a village no more than half a mile ahead with no lights on. And at the back of the village was a bridge spanning an icy gorge. On the other side of the bridge was a giant castle made of stone. We all got out of the cars.
"This is as far as we can safely get you kids," Mr. Hankey said.
"Thanks," I nodded. I looked over at the others. "You guys ready?"
But they didn't respond as I hoped. They were still depressed, mostly glancing down at their two feet. "Stan, I hate to say this..." Kyle started, "...but I think we lost."
"Lost?" I couldn't believe what Kyle was spewing from his mouth. "No, it's not lost Kyle. I can't believe you of all people would give up so easily."
Wendy sighed. "Let's face it: even if we were to defeat Cartman, which I'm not sure we can, nothing is going to change. He's right, we all suck."
"So you're just going to sit here too, Wendy? Seriously?" I looked everyone in the eye. "Stand next to me if you want to charge in with me." However, only Snoopy and Woodstock went over next to me. The rest stayed put next to the cars. "Really. You're fucking kidding me. We came all the way here just to screw around or whatever?"
"Well gee whiz, Stan, I gotta stick around to watch over them," Mr. Hankey replied.
I nodded at Mr. Hankey before turning to the others. "And everyone else? What's your excuse?"
"Cartman won, okay?" Chris spat. "What's not to understand? Ray is a lost cause at this point." The rest of the party nodded alongside Chris in agreement.
Now I'm pissed. How DARE they mention Ray like that and want to act like complete bitches. "Do you all honestly believe that Ray would do that to us, huh?! After how we treated him, would he really leave us hanging if we were to get in trouble or whatever?! How dare you bring him up like that, fuck you!" I took out my right thumb and pointed it at myself. "Well guess what?! Ray is one of us! He's a friend! He's family! And I would never abandon friends nor family like that!" I put my right hand down. "So if you seven just want to sit there like complete pussies then...just...screw you guys, I'm going in solo!" I glanced down at Snoopy and Woodstock. "Well not solo, but you get the idea."
I looked over at the others again. They all glared angrily at me. They were pissed at me. But now I no longer care. I'm not going to stand around in frigid weather waiting for Ray to (possibly) die to Cartman. They didn't say anything to me, but I didn't need to say anything more. I turned around, and Snoopy, Woodstock, and I walked side-by-side towards the frozen woods into the village where the castle lied, leaving my friends behind. I unsheathed my battle axe, and despite my cold hands, I could still grip it tightly.
"Watch yourself, fatass! I'm coming for you!"
And that's a wrap. Hope you guys enjoyed this chapter, since the next one I'm sure will be even longer. Stay tuned.
