Sorry for the delay in posting this update, time got away from me and then I got distracted with the new episodes. This chapter is shorter than the others but still jam packed with angst. There is a trigger warning for this chapter that I am going to post at the end so as to not provide spoilers. If you are concerned about a possible trigger please scroll to the bottom of this chapter BEFORE reading to see the trigger warning. Otherwise, enjoy!
(Jay POV)
By the time they make it to the location Adam got from her kidnappers phone Jay is a wreck. The ride there was spent in silence, Jay too lost in thought to speak and Voight too focused on making it there quickly. Voight rolls to a stop behind Kevin and Jay jumps out of the car. His first instinct is to run right into the house but he knows he has to wait, no matter how painful that is. They are parked a ways down, out of direct sight from the house in order to not spook whoever is inside. Once they're vested up, they form a single file line, guns drawn and head towards the house. Kevin, Adam and Kim take the front door while Jay follows Voight around to secure the back door.
He tries to listen for any noise in the house but there's nothing until they hear the front door breached. Jay kicks in the back door and storms in with Voight right behind him. There's a gunshot somewhere in the house and he knows there's no way his team has made it that far in yet. His heart seems to freeze in his chest and the worst case scenario runs through his mind. Voight brushes past him, gripping his shoulder as he goes and Jay follows behind on autopilot. The team convenes in the living room of the one story house, having cleared every room on this level. Adam nods towards a door off a short hall and they follow behind him. He slowly eases the door open, gun leveled down the stairs and heads in with Kim close behind. Jay brushes past Kevin and makes his way down the stairs right after them.
"Body."
Adam calls out, causing Jay's heart to sink impossibly lower. Adam clears the bottom step and Jay watches him stiffen with whatever sight lays before him. Jay races down to the landing and turns to see what he's looking at, his breath hitching in his throat. Hailey lay in the middle of the room next to a pole he assumes she's tied too but as he runs over to her he sees that only her hands are bound together and there's nothing restraining her from fleeing. Except she's cold and unmoving, blood caked all over her swollen face. His hands roam her body, gently shaking her to try and elicit a response. He gets nothing in return, no movement, no sound..nothing. He can faintly hear voices behind him, someone requesting an ambulance, someone else repeating his name. But all he can do is stare at her lifeless body, feeling his own body shutting down in the process.
Jay isn't sure how long he's there, leaning over her and trying to get something out of her, but soon he's surrounded by more people. Unfamiliar faces he realizes are the medics. He sits back, watching them get to work as they start ripping at her clothes, revealing more unseen injuries that were hidden beneath. One medic places a mask over her face, breathing life into her and Jay watches her chest slowly rise and fall. They get her onto a board, securing her and then carrying her up the stairs with the help of Kevin and Adam. Kim is next to him, pulling him up and leading him up the stairs behind Hailey. They make it out to the ambulance and Jay immediately jumps in behind them, sitting on the bench and watching on silently as they work over her.
On the way to the hospital, the medic removes the rest of Hailey's clothing, displaying the full extent of her injuries. Jay feels his stomach churn at the sight. Her normally flawless pale skin is littered with dark purple bruises covering her ribs and abdomen. Her stomach seems swollen and her shoulder is definitely out of place. His eyes dart up to her face, beaten and bruised and he can't help but flash back to her mother. Jay tentatively reaches out, taking her cold hand in his and rubbing his thumb over the back of her bruised hand. All he can feel is her cold hand in his. All he hears is the wail of the sirens around them. And all he can see is her, pale and lifeless on the cot before him.
The ambulance jerks to a stop and the doors open, letting the cold air flood in. He wants to cover her back up, protect her from the breeze, but he knows it's a mute idea at this point. He follows along beside the gurney as they race her into the emergency room, only letting her hand slip from his when Will grips his shoulder to hold him back. He meets his brother's eyes, unable to speak but pleading with him silently to save her.
"We have her Jay. Let us work."
Jay gives him a nod and even though it kills him, he steps back, letting the curtain swish shut in front of him. Out of seemingly nowhere, Voight is beside him, leading him back into the private waiting room. Jay settles into a seat in the corner, wanting to do anything but sit and wait but also feeling so drained he doesn't have a choice. Voight makes no attempt to talk, just sits in a quiet solidarity as they wait. Jay briefly wonders where the rest of his team is but then realizes they're probably still dealing with the mess left behind. What feels like an eternity goes by and then Voight's phone gives a shrill ring, making Jay jump. He tries to focus on the conversation but everything is coming in mumbled. Voight stands abruptly, shooting Jay an apologetic look as he leaves the waiting room and then Jay is alone. His mind starts to wander and he feels like he's going crazy. He can't lose her, he just can't. He does his best to wait for an update, knowing that Will will come find him as soon as they know something. But it's taking too long and Jay grows impatient.
He makes his way back out into the hallway leading towards the emergency room. When he comes into the open area he watches as a frenzy of people continue to flood in and out of Hailey's room. He manages to catch a peek into the room and his stomach sinks. Hailey is still lifeless and unmoving and now there's more cords and tubes coming out of her than he can count. He looks for will and spots him at the head of her bead, discussing something with one of the nurses. He watches his brother give a nod to the nurse that looks reassuring but Jay doesn't want to get his hopes up, he can't.
"Jay?"
A soft voice sounds from behind him and he turns back to see Anne standing behind him, looking concerned.
"Did you find her?"
Jay takes her in, trying to sort out his emotions before he responds. One on hand, he wants to be angry and immediately dismiss her. But on the other he sees something in her eyes that makes his heart ache. Still not trusting his voice he gives her a nod and takes a few steps towards her, motioning for the waiting room down the hall. She walks quietly beside him, waiting for him to start. Once inside the small room Jay lets out a huff of air, sitting on the chair once again and watching as she settles hesitantly into the one across from him.
"We did find her. She's alive...but barely. They're doing everything they can."
He's not sure who he's trying to convince, Hailey's mother or himself, because he can't shake the image of her lifeless body out of his head.
"Thank you. For finding her."
Anne says quietly, giving him a somber smile. He nods again, almost laughing at the thought of not finding her, of not needing her to be alive so desperately bad. They settle into a silence and time escapes him once again. He feels his anxiety taking over while they wait and he stands to pace the room. Jay briefly notices that his nervous pacing is putting her on edge but he can't stop himself. Finally the door opens and Will steps in, sending Jay a confused look when he notices the other person in the room.
"Will, this is Anne...Hailey's mother."
Will gives a quick smile before turning back to face Jay.
"She's alive. She's in rough shape but she'll pull through."
Jay hears the words and almost asks for Will to repeat them just so he can be sure he heard right. A weight seems to lift off him and the room spins. Jay quickly settles into the chair, unintentionally beside her mother. He glances up at Will and he knows there's more but Will seems hesitant to talk in front of Anne. Jay nods, urging him on. He knows that Hailey's relationship is strained with her mother but she's here now and he can't bring himself to shut her out.
"We found some bleeding and ran some tests. Jay...I'm sorry but Hailey was pregnant."
Jay's entire being turns cold as his brother's words reach his ears. He feels Anne stiffen next to him but his eyes are glued to Will's. As the initial shock lessens Jay replays the statement in his head again and again, one word standing out from the others.
"Was?"
His voice breaks slightly with the question as the realization hits him. She was pregnant, past tense. His heart pounds in his ears as a sudden wave of emotion rushes over him. Of course, they hadn't known she was pregnant. It wasn't something they had even considered. But for it to be here and gone in a matter of minutes seemed beyond cruel. His eyes burn and he blinks away tears, his heartbeat the only sound filling the room. Will's pager goes off and he sends Jay a somber look before he darts from the room. A hand reaches out, gently resting on Jay's forearm and he risks a glance over towards her mother. The look he gets in return almost breaks him. It's Hailey's eyes looking back at him, her eyes that look just as heartbroken as he feels and he knows when it's actually Hailey looking back at him it'll only be that much worse.
"You love her."
Jay wasn't sure what Hailey's mother had known about him prior to their meeting or how much Hailey even talked to her before all this. But she had been able to pick up on that fact even with their limited interactions. He nods even though he knows it wasn't a question and he watches a sad smile cross her face.
"You seem like a good man. Hailey needs that, someone to love her no matter what. I can imagine she's difficult to love sometimes but please Jay, never give up on her. Her heart is…"
She trails off, her own voice hitching with emotion.
"Amazing."
Jay finishes for her, smiling briefly to himself. Giving up on her will never be an option, Hailey is his everything and he can't picture life without her in it. Another knock sounds on the door and a nurse steps in.
"You can see her now."
She sends each of them a look but when Jay glances down at her mother he sees her hesitating.
"She won't want to see me now. She doesn't need me, she hasn't for a long time. But you Jay, she's going to need you."
Before Jay can react, Anne wraps her arms around him, giving him a brief hug before she steps away, wiping tears from her eyes.
"You don't have to go."
He tells her, unsure of how Hailey will react either way but hating the pain he's seeing in her mother right now.
"It's what's best. She'll reach out if she wants too, it's how Hailey works."
He nods, knowing that to be true. He gently touches her shoulder before he turns to follow the nurse down the hall towards Hailey's room.
He takes a deep breath in, not knowing what to expect when the curtain is pulled back. The nurse gives him a reassuring but sad smile as she tugs it open.
"She's still pretty out of it from the medications we had to give her. She's sleeping but she'll know you're here."
Jay nods and steps into the room, swallowing hard when he takes her in. She doesn't look nearly as lifeless but her skin is still sickeningly pale. He settles into the chair beside her bed and carefully takes her hand in his. There's an IV in each of her hands and tubing for oxygen wrapped around her face. She looks beyond weak and it breaks him. He would give anything to go back to the morning they spent together before his word went to hell. He wants to be back in that moment with her, happy and carefree. He lets the thought of what could have been filter into his mind and his chest aches even more. His thumb trails over her hand and he watches her sleep, letting the slow rise and fall of her chest give him a little bit of peace.
**TRIGGER WARNING: Pregnancy loss/miscarriage.**
