AN: Guys! It's been over a year since my last update. I wish I can say I have a good reason, but I really, really don't. I had this on my computer unfinished for ages, but I couldn't get the motivation to continue. Everything I wrote I hated, and I still don't particularly like what I wrote to be honest. But I wanted to finally post something, so this is what came out. I didn't proofread much because I didn't want to completely scrap everything. To everyone who is still reading this story, thank you so much for sticking with me. I have said this before, and I will say it again, I have no plans in abandoning this work, it just may take forever to finally finish. I write when I feel like it, and more often than not, writer's block rears its ugly head and grips its vicious claws into me and doesn't let go for a very long time. I hope you guys like the new chapter. As always, reviews are greatly appreciated, even if it is to tell me to never write again.
This is for fun, not profit. Enjoy!
"Hey Lucas!" Charlie called out as Lucas met up with the group in the school courtyard.
Lucas tried as hard as he could to muster the same exuberant excitement of seeing everyone as Charlie did in seeing him. He knew that he had been ghosting the crew lately. They were feeling neglected since he had been secretly practicing lines for the past few weeks with Riley. Unfortunately, the best Lucas was able to do was twist his mouth into a half smile in their direction. He hoped that no one noticed his mind was elsewhere, as it has been for the past couple days since his outing to Topanga's.
Spending time with Riley, Maya, Farkle, and now Smackle, brought back memories and feelings he thought he had long ago locked away. It was just as easy spending time with them after being a jerk to them for the past few years as it was when he first met them in middle school. Lucas can admit that while the crew each had their own issues, they were pretty okay friends when they wanted to be. Each of them had their own pretentions, worried about their images, and tried to be something they weren't just to stick together. Lucas always felt like he had to put up a front and project this image of cool and aloof every time they hung out together. It was exhausting trying to make sure no one saw through his façade.
With Riley and the rest of them, he was just able to just be. He already knew that they had invited him along because he was there when plans were being made to hang out and, regardless of what anyone says, none of them had a truly mean bone in their bodies to not offer him a chance to come along. It was something Lucas came to realize he admired and hated. When he got home that night he couldn't help but antagonize over it. But nothing really truly confused him more than the conversation he had with Riley after the night winded down and everyone had left
Lucas thought that he would have been the first one of the group to leave, but he just couldn't bring himself to leave. While there were many flaws in his character, being honest with himself wasn't one of them, regardless of what anyone said. Lucas realized within the time they spent together that he missed them all. The little things that his current friends made fun of them for were the very same things he enjoyed.
Farkle still was a genius, with slightly amoral tendencies. He was still completely unabashed to speak his mind, while still loving Riley and Maya as much as he did when they were younger. Being together with Smackle, who was clearly his soul mate, didn't affect the trio's dynamic. Instead, it was clear from the way they all gravitated towards each other, that their relationship with each other was enhanced just by Smackle's presence.
Having not spent much time with her before, Lucas learned far more about her in those few hours spent together than he did in all the four years they been at the same school. Sure they had some classes together, but he just written her off as weird. Apparently though, she wasn't weird. She was autistic. Lucas felt a pang of guilt when he remembered all the times Charlie and Missy made fun of her, and he laughed along. It wasn't her fault she processed things differently than other people. Her logical and blunt attitude was refreshing to Lucas. With all the ways people tried to hide their true selves, being around someone with no filter, who always spoke with brutal honesty was like a soothing balm to a horrible burn.
Maya, on the hand, surprised him. For as long as he could remember, she had always been a massive pain in his ass. Before Lucas's life did a nosedive into the ground and exploded into millions of tiny pieces, she had always tried to get a raise out of him. That was their game; she would say something mildly offensive and he would just nod and smile- playing up that Texan charm- to annoy her back. He learned quite early in their friendship that if she got no outward reaction from him, she would move along until the next insult. It didn't bother Lucas that much at the time. To be honest, he found it to be entertaining. The reason for that was because he felt as though he was part of a group that accepted him regardless of being the "new kid". He thought he finally found somewhere to belong. It was nice while it lasted, but unfortunately, nothing lasts forever.
Regardless, Lucas couldn't help but notice how different Maya had been the whole night. He had heard from Missy and Serena that Maya's mother had remarried their freshman year. Her mother had married Mr. Matthews's best friend, who was Riley's godfather. Having a nuclear family unit seemed to do wonders for the girl. Maya was more open in general. Having something go right in her life had made Maya happier, lighter. The class rebel label didn't apply to her as much as it did back in middle school. However, it was obvious that Maya pretended just as much as Lucas did that she wasn't someone to be messed with in school.
Outside of the school walls and with the people she cared about, she was able to lower her guard and be more genuine. Maya had a bright smile on her face, giving her a bright glow that was almost palpable to touch. The whole night while she was talking, there was something sweet and beautiful in her voice. Lucas never met Josh Matthews, but it was obvious he was someone really special to Maya if she was so willing to put her heart on her sleeve. Lucas couldn't help but feel a little envious towards her, and bit unsettled. Lucas always thought out of everyone he knew, he and Maya had a lot of similarities. They were both used to life not being fair towards them. So to see Maya like this, it left Lucas with a very hollow feeling.
As it started getting darker outside, the quaint café started emptying out. Even Farkle, Smackle, and Maya left one by one to get back to their homes. Soon, it was just Lucas and Riley left. Lucas knew it was getting late and that his mother would probably be worrying as to why he was not home yet, but he couldn't make himself leave.
It was the first time they were alone since they were interrupted while running lines back at Riley's apartment. It gave Lucas time to observe Riley some more.
From what Lucas saw the entire time they were at Topanga's, Riley was still the epicenter of the friend group. She was still the radiant light of all things good that she had always been. Lucas couldn't quite squish the traitorous thoughts and feelings bubbling within himself as quickly as he wanted. To Lucas, Riley had always been associated with sunshine and rainbows. She was second chances and a calming breath of fresh air. She was innocence, pure of heart, wonderful. It didn't matter how many years had passed, Riley would always be these things to Lucas. It made him want to find ways to be around her more and more.
It was obvious that the rest of the group thought so too. Each of them situated themselves in their seats subconsciously tilting towards Riley's by the window. Lucas wasn't even aware he was doing it himself until he had to twist his body to the right to put down his coffee mug. Whenever Riley was talking, Maya, Farkle, and even Smackle, seemed to pay slightly more attention to what she was saying. Lucas was sure there were times when he caught them giving each other certain looks when they thought Riley wasn't looking. At the same time, Riley kept looking at the three of them multiple times as well without their knowledge. Lucas however was an outside observer and was able to see these looks. The missed looks gave him a bad feeling. He couldn't decipher what the looks meant, but there was just something lying underneath the surface that was almost in his grasp but just barely out of reach. After a while, Lucas decided to just forget about it and enjoy the moment he was able to get with his old friends.
"Well," Smackle said as she stood up from her seat. "It looks like it is time to retire."
Lucas looked at his watch in shock, wondering if it was even correct. How did it go from 5 to 8:30 so quickly?
Farkle was the next one to get up from his seat, and everyone else followed. "And so it is. Allow me to escort you back to your residence?" He asked his girlfriend, extending his arm like some Victorian era hero.
Smackle gave a giggle. "Of course, my love, let us make our leave. Good night everybody," she said to the group. Her eyes then fell on Lucas. "Bye, Lucas." Her voice went a bit deeper on his name.
Lucas looked a bit confused in the change in her voice. He turned to look at Farkle, but Farkle just gave him a shrug. Not wanting to be rude, Lucas cleared his throat and responded back. "Bye Smackle."
This time when he looked at Farkle, Lucas found him smiling. "This was fun, wasn't it guys?" Farkle asked out loud to the group.
Maya looked conflicted, as she tried to find something to say. If Lucas wasn't already feeling out of sorts, he would have made fun of her about how much she looked like she swallowed a lemon. However, before he could open his mouth to say anything, Maya had seemed to figure out what to say.
"Yeah, I guess it was." She said finally, reaching out to touch Riley's hand. "Who would have thought that Ranger Rick spending some time with us lowly folk would actually be another highlight of my day? Yikes. Okay, I need to go now as I promised Mom and Shawn I'd be home before curfew. Also, if I stay any longer there is a very good chance that I will say something that would get me admitted into the psych ward." Maya said quickly, turning a bit pink as she hugged everyone except Lucas, and practically ran to the exit.
"Bye!" She called out as she left.
Lucas blinked. Maya obviously felt embarrassed with how much she shared. However, that didn't explain why warmth was spreading through his body with the knowledge that this group of people actually liked spending time with him. Lucas was very much aware of how much of an asshole he had been, especially to his previous friends. But for a small moment in time, it was like none of the last few years even happened. They were all talking and having a good time together, happy to be in each others' company.
Riley shook her head at Maya's hasty exit and beamed at the rest of the group still around. "It really was a fun time," she said as she hugged Farkle and then Smackle. "See you two at school tomorrow."
"Bye Riles. Bye Lucas." Farkle said, as he and Smackle also left.
And then it was just Lucas and Riley together alone.
Lucas was acutely aware of this fact, and it was starting to make his hands all clammy and he could feel himself break into an anxiety sweat. He realized he didn't want the night to end, but it was getting late and he had to leave soon. But he wanted to prolong this moment as much as he can.
"Would you like me to walk you home?" Lucas asked Riley as she was getting her bag from her seat.
Riley looked at him and raised her eyebrow.
This time, Lucas felt his cheeks go red. "I mean," he started, clearing his throat. "It's late and dark out. I wouldn't want you to walk home by yourself when I can give you some company." He brought his hand up to rub the back of his neck, in nervousness. He kind of wanted to take back the offer because it was obviously a ridiculous one. Why would she want him to walk her home for? Lucas has done nothing to stop his friends from bullying her for years.
As he was berating himself internally, Riley asked him, "But you have to still take the subway yourself. I live in the opposite direction."
Lucas wanted to facepalm. How could he have forgotten that little fact? Pondering over what to say in reply, he found the perfect solution. "We can walk together until the closest subway station. It's not that far from your apartment building, so at least you would have someone with you until you get there. We can separate and go our ways from that point."
"Hmm." Riley replied. "If you are okay with that, I would be happy for the company."
Lucas exhaled slowly in relief. "Okay, let's get going then."
They made their way out of the bakery/café and started on their way to the subway station. Lucas tried to keep some space between them, almost as a buffer, so he wouldn't overcrowd her. At least that was his explanation to himself. Truth was that he, like Maya, has been acting off lately. Or to be more accurate, he's been acting more like pre-divorce Lucas ever since he started spending time with Riley again. He wasn't sure if he liked the transformations that were happening or not, and he was afraid of what will happen going forward.
"Lucas," Riley called out. "Wait a second, please. You're really tall and have longer strides than I do."
He turned to realize that in trying to give Riley some space, he was quite a few feet in front of her. He stopped to wait until she caught up. "Sorry about that, I forget that some people are slower walkers."
Riley laughed. "I don't think there is such a thing as a slow walker. I just think that there are some people who like to take their time and enjoy the scenery."
Lucas snorted. "Scenery? Riley, we live in the city. Pretty sure the novelty has rubbed off by now."
Riley just shook her head. "Not even a little bit. I could live here forever and still be amazed by what I see every day."
"Of course, I forget how much you believe in this stuff." Lucas rolled his eyes.
"This stuff?" Riley asked, face scrunching up. She put her hand on Lucas's wrist. "I have my beliefs. I have faith, don't you?"
"No." Lucas replied without hesitation, trying to ignore the heat that Riley's touch was providing. "There's too much bad shit in this world."
Riley shook her head slowly. "But without suffering, there'd be no compassion," she said slowly.
Lucas scoffed. "Yeah, well, tell that to those who suffer."
Riley paused and just took a second to look at him. She then retracted her hand from his wrist, and started walking in front of him. This time he had to jog a little to catch up. The rest of the journey to the subway station was in silence, and Lucas regretted being so open.
He fixated on the look she gave him the whole time he waited on the platform for his train, and even that night as he went to sleep. The whole thing still was on his mind, days later. He felt like he was on the verge of something really important, but Lucas didn't know what it was. Once again, being in the direct orbit of Riley Matthews was messing him all up inside. He needed to figure out why she always seemed to leave him in such tangles.
So stuck on the conversation he had with Riley and that particular look she gave him that night, Lucas didn't notice that Charlie had wrapped his arm over his shoulder and pulled him a little bit away from the group.
"Lucas?" Charlie asked him, bringing Lucas back to the present. Lucas could feel his eyebrows scrunch up in confusion. If Lucas didn't know any better, he would have thought Charlie looked a bit apprehensive. But that didn't make any sense. Why would Charlie be apprehensive about?
"Yeah, what's up?" Lucas replied feeling slightly concerned.
"Are we cool?" Charlie asked, trying for nonchalant. The effect was negated by the slight darting of his gaze that went from Lucas and then off to the left behind his shoulder.
Lucas followed his gaze to see him looking back towards the rest of their crew. All of them seemed to be talking about something or another. None of them were paying much attention from what Lucas can tell.
Despite the slight feel of panic bubbling in his stomach, Lucas replied back breezily. "Yeah, of course."
Charlie's shoulders slumped as the previous tension that Lucas didn't notice leave his body. "That's good," he said. Charlie seemed to have a renewed sense of pep in his behavior that was absent before. It made him look more carefree, Lucas realized, and made Lucas finally smile back genuinely once they went to rejoin their friends.
"Oh good, you guys are back," Zay said as the duo approached. He seemed a bit preoccupied when a couple of girls wearing skirts walked passed. "We were just debating on the benefits of the warmer weather."
Charlie and Ricky snorted, while Missy and Serena shook their heads at his antics.
"You're a pig, Zay," Missy said to him in fun, letting out a giggle as the bell rang.
The group were laughing and playfully shoving each other as they made their way into the school building. It was times like these where each of them were genuine, that Lucas sometimes didn't mind the group of friends he had. He knows he judges them as harshly as they judge him on matters, and that Zay will always be the one he trusts the most out of the group. But this was nice too.
Which was exactly why it wasn't going to last. Lucas and his luck, remember. Nothing that goes well could stay well.
"Hey guys, look. It's Virgin Matthews," Serena announced, pointing to where Riley was walking towards the school building.
"Oh God, look it's your leading lady, Lucas." Charlie mocked, laughing. Lucas didn't pay much attention as they were all talking. He decided he was going to ignore the comments and focused instead on getting his things situated in his locker. It was always easier to let them bitch as much as they want so they get it all out of their system.
"Hey, Lucas," He heard Riley say.
Lucas's head snapped towards her so fast he was sure he pulled a muscle. He saw that she was wearing a long khaki skirt that fell to her mid-calf, muted cream colored top, and her ever present raggedy sweater. Her arms were holding the straps of her backpack.
He couldn't respond to her hello, his tongue felt like it was glued to the roof of his mouth. Lucas felt as though he was a deer stuck in the headlight. He didn't know what this was building up to, but he knew it was nowhere good. He tried to tell her to turn around and leave with his facial expressions.
Obviously, it wasn't working because she continued along with her train of thought without a care at all. "I'll see you after school?" Riley asked, eyes filled with slight hope.
Lucas was not proud of what he did next, but he had to something to save face. Everyone was looking at him expectantly. It felt like the entire hallway had stopped bustling about just to witness this moment.
Putting contemplating face, Lucas shrugged. "In your dreams," he boasted arrogantly.
He heard the laughter from his friends. But that was all in the background. The thing that Lucas was paying attention to was Riley's face. The hopeful, excited look fell from her face as she looked from Lucas to his laughing friends. He was also able to see when she shook her head in disappointment and her begrudged resignation as she walked away. Lucas followed her as she weaved through the crowded hallway to where Maya, Farkle, and Smackle were waiting for her. She didn't even give him a backwards glance.
He was still staring after her as the bell rang for the start of the day.
"Come on, Lucas," Zay said, bringing Lucas to focus on his friends. They were all running on the high of a well placed joke at Riley's expense. Luckily it was Zay that spoke. Lucas wasn't sure what would have happened if it was Charlie or Ricky that said something stupid first instead. "The day is starting lets's get to class."
Lucas nodded, stuck in autopilot. "Yeah, but you guys go ahead. Let me finish up here and I'll catch up to you guys in homeroom."
They were satisfied with his response and made their way to the classroom. Lucas did notice that Zay lingered a bit before walking away.
As soon as they all left and the hallway emptied out, Lucas purposely banged his head against his closed locker.
He was so fucked.
