Fourth Session
"Please take a seat, Nanoha. Can I get you anything?"
This is our fourth session and today Nanoha is the only one attending.
"Some coffee would be great."
I walked towards the small service table in one of the corners of my office. Amazingly enough, I've been able to understand how to work these diabolic machines. I place the crystal cup in place, and after a loud screech, said machine fills it perfectly. You just press one button and this thing masterfully prepares a cappuccino, with its perfect transitions between milk and coffee, and of course topped with delicious foam. It would be impossible to get that coffee more perfect than it already is. A few seconds later, I have a second one ready. In the meantime I keep chatting with Nanoha.
"Fate couldn't make it this time, huh?"
"Yeah," Nanoha answers, a bit dismayed. "We were able to talk a bit this morning. There were some problems and she had to stay for the weekend. Some people are down with a virus or something and they are quarantined. You know how she is, she never gets sick so she volunteered to stay on duty. I hope she can be back by next Friday. Actually I didn't know whether to cancel today's appointment or not."
"I'm glad you didn't," I answered as I handed her the cup of coffee. "I knew there would be times when Fate wouldn't be able to make it. Of course that will mean less stress for her, and as long as this doesn't get in the middle of other things you need to do, I have enjoyed these talks with you a lot."
"I am glad you are finally using the gift I gave you," Nanoha laughed. "And I agree with you. The truth is, we have both enjoyed our talks a lot. When we leave here, we keep talking about things that… I don't want to say things we have forgotten, it's more like things we didn't remember we remembered. It's like opening a memento box of us."
Nanoha's mind must be a weird and complicated place because I guess only she understood what she was trying to say, but she was so inspired it would be a felony to interrupt her.
"It's more like we have taken this as an opportunity to remember and relive so many things we have lived together. Everything we have gone through to get to this minute today, knowing that we wouldn't change anything in the least bit, because maybe that thing could change everything. Therefore, the good things, the bad things, everything has been worth it because we can be here today. And that opportunity we owe it to you."
"It's not as complicated as it seemed at first, then?"
"Well, I must confess Fate tried to talk me out of coming here today."
"Why am I not surprised at all?"
"She just suggested it a couple of times," Nanoha laughed a little mischievously.
"Does she worry about what you may say about her?" I asked suspiciously.
"I guess she'd rather know exactly what I say about her."
"Well, and considering Fate-chan isn't around, spill the beans. Who is the one who takes the couch when you two argue?"
"Nyahaha," Nanoha laughed her usual laugh. With a half-smile you looked to the window and sipped her coffee.
"Tell me…" I insisted.
Nanoha scratched her head and looked at me amused.
"Aren't you telling? Let me guess… Would you be such a meanie as to send her to the couch?"
Nanoha's guilty expression was as much of an answer as I could get.
"Fine, let's get to that when Fate can speak for her own. So tell me, how or when did you realize she was the one?"
Nanoha's expression softened immediately. Her blue eyes acquired a violet glint to them which accented her dreamy look and the smile appearing in her lips became wider.
She moved a little on her chair and sipped some more coffee, taking her time to answer. I was definitely getting a full answer on this.
"It's hard to know if there was a right or specific moment. You don't see it at first, I think, it's only when you look back when you can understand what certain things mean. I guess it's like a whole series of events that eventually build up to it; I do have one moment very clear in my mind, it happened a few weeks after the Book of Darkness Incident. Everything was going back to normal..."
"Or what we know as normal", I emphasized the last word.
A girl with copperlike twintails walked side by side with another one, slightly taller and with long blonde twin tails. Their school uniforms would hardly reveal their true identities. The dangers they have had to overcome at such a young age, the uncanny magical power lying within each; the responsibilities they had on them. Nonetheless, what wasn't typical of those two schoolgirls was the melancholic look in the eyes of one of them and the worried look of the other.
"Is it stupid to love someone I didn't know?"
"I don't think it's stupid."
"I sometimes feel guilty for being here. It's her, Alicia, the one who should be..."
"I-I...don't know what to tell you Fate-chan," Nanoha stuttered a bit. "In that sense, I can only see things in my own selfish way, and I don't think it will help you much."
Her hand instinctively looked for the young blonde's one, who immediately felt the surge of color in her cheeks. She squeezed it lightly as they kept walking together. Little by little, their fingers found its way between each other.
"Nanoha, one thing you could never be is selfish."
"In this case, yes..."
"..."
Nanoha and Fate both stopped at the enormous maple tree that dominated the park. They left their student bags on the grass and simultaneously sat down, leaning on the tree. The blonde laid her head on the brunette's shoulder while they both idly watched the clouds in the sky. Nanoha in return, put her arm on the shoulders of the other girl.
"If she hadn't...if nothing had ever happened... Sometimes I can't help but think what could have happened if I hadn't done something else instead of what I did. Or what could have happened if one didn't meet certain people. In this case if that accident had never happened, then you wouldn't... you never...," with the first tears glittering in her eyes, she tooks Fate's hands between hers and looked at the tears in her eyes.
"Why do I feel so guilty?," she said in between sobs.
"But it was not your fault. You had nothing to do with what happened."
"I can't seem to be able to separate between my own memories and Alicia's memories, it's so confusing, but at times I wish she were alive," Fate whispered with tears almost choking her throat shut.
"Don't ever say that," Nanoha begged, tightening the grip of her hands.
"Why not?"
"Because if that were the case, if she was alive, then you... you would have never been born. And then I'd be very lonely, and I'd miss you..." Not even finishing her sentence, she hugged herself tightly against the blonde.
"You wouldn't be lonely," she answered, delicately stroking her hair.
"But it wouldn't be the same without you," Nanoha answered back, looking her directly into her eyes.
"You couldn't miss something you hadn't known yet," answered pinching the tip of her nose.
Nanoha sighed and rested in between Fate's arms.
I always knew something was missing in my life. That feeling has been fading away since you entered my life. It's as if there was a space in me where I only found loneliness, and now it's as if that space holds your name, it was waiting for you, because you just filled it with your own self. Because I can look at you and know that I won't be alone ever again, your eyes tell me so. Even if you are not exactly here with me, I know you are with me.
"Fate-chan?"
"Yes?" The owner of the burgundy eyes asked.
"Wasn't it supposed to be me the one comforting you?"
"Well, it's an unusual method, but you do," she answered sweetly, carefully placing the rebellious locks of Nanoha's hairs behind her ear.
"I'm glad I don't have to face my inner demons alone..."
They stayed a little longer silently enjoying each other's company, enjoying the peacefulness of the place they were in. Such simple things as listening to the birds chirping, or watching the butterflies flying by, leaving a colorful trail in their way or the neverending transformation of the clouds in the sky, simply became a thousand times better just because they were enjoying them together.
They both allowed their minds to wander and even if at that moment there were things yet to be understood, there were things they already knew. Because they both knew there were so many things they always wanted to say to each other, ideas in their minds that they just didn't know how to put into words, but they could understand, just by looking at each other, just by their touch. Because they knew there was a real, unbreakable bond between them.
A couple of minutes passed by, in silence, which was broken when Fate sighed heavily.
"Do you think she would have liked me, had she known me?"
"I think that, wherever she is, she loves you and wants you to be happy."
"Nanoha?"
"Huh?"
"Thank you."
