Hello, I'm G.A.Y
Bella is thirsty for Rosalie who is a totally awkward dork about it. The Cullens try to help these two gay messes out but no one ever said it would be easy. Slightly crack-fic.
A/N: I'm on this Rosella train and I can't get off. Updates will be on every other Wednesday.
The school was asunder with gossip about the new student transferring in. Her name was Isabella Swan and she was the chief of police's daughter. Even us Cullens, usually so removed from school life and the minuscule going ons of daily humans, had talked about her a bit.
"Wonder if she's hot," Emmett said and I glared at him for being so objectifying but when he winked at me I knew he was just saying it to mess with me because he knew how I felt about women's rights.
"I wonder why she's come to Forks at all," Jasper mumbled, pushing around his carrots on the lunch tray with a plastic fork so it looked like he was eating them.
"Maybe she's a vampire," Emmett offers playfully. "Could be the only reason someone would move to such a dark and damp place as this willingly."
Our conversation lulls as she walks in through the cafeteria doors. She's an innocent looking thing, with big brown doe eyes and hair in long brown strands, one which she's tucked behind her ear as she ducks her head nervously. No doubt she feels out of place and not sure where to sit on her first day here. She's quickly waved over by Jessica and goes to their table. Her scent wafts over to us and we all collectively inhale, letting out small groans of appreciation.
"Anyone getting a whiff of freesia, no, just me?" Alice asks, like a chef talking about dessert.
"I can smell lilies after a soft summer rain," Edward commented, of course trying to interject his stupid poetry as he did so. Did he always have to show off his creative abilities? We got it, he was good at it. Not all of us could be perfect with our words.
"Will this be an issue for Jasper?" I ask, cutting to how his hands are gripping each other under the table, turning white as he tries to hold them steady, and yet they shake.
"I'll be...fine," he tells us, eyes on Isabella. "I was just caught off a bit. But I'll manage."
Alice runs a soothing hand up his arm. "I'll keep an eye on him," she promises.
We all more or less tune in to Jessica and Isabella's conversation.
"So, Isabella, how do you like this place so far?"
"It's Bella," Bella corrects, her voice soft and smooth, made to read bedtime stories to young kids. "And this place is fucking wet. Is it always like this, year round?" We don't expect the curse word out of her mouth; it's so jarring given her sweet appearance. But she is a teen, after all.
Mike and Eric laugh, while the girls seem a bit more startled by her language. "Um, pretty much yea. Unless it's covered in snow," Mike answers, still amused.
"What do you do for entertainment here? The town seems boring."
"Well, movies, sports games, a lot of nature stuff," Angela answers with a shrug.
"And staring dreamily at the Cullens," Lauren says with a sigh.
Ah, here it was. As expected. Bella turns to look at us, as we pretend to be busy, while secretly listening to Lauren go over our backstories. I can feel Bella's eyes on us, eyes that settle mainly on me. "The big hulking dude is Emmett. He's got abs you can ski on and biceps that make any body builder jealous."
Emmett grins cockily at this and a sharp glare from me refrains him from 'accidentally' flexing on purpose to show off those muscles.
"Alice is the short girl at the table. She's got incredible fashion sense. And she moves like hell on wheels. Don't let her run you over." Lauren waned. "Seriously, she bumped into Tyler so hard he busted his tail bone when he fell on his ass."
"That was one time," Alice mumbled. "I had to go to my store before they sold out of my shirt size."
"Alice, no one is your shirt size," Jasper said with some mirth and she shot him a betrayed look. "Except for kids. And I doubt they shop at Banana Republic."
"Jasper's the kid with long blonde locks. He's a gentleman, never seen him argue or raise his hand against anyone. He's dating Alice even though they are adoptive siblings. Rosalie's the blonde next to him, and his twin sister. She thinks she's too good to talk to us."
A nicer way of saying I was a bitch.
Lastly, Lauren moved onto Edward, "and over there, is the living embodiment of Adonis himself. Edward Cullen." I rolled my eyes; here we go again. Edward just crooked up his mouth in amusement, soaking it all in as Jessica, Lauren and Angela sighed in unison at the mention of Edward. "He's so broody," Jessica said.
"And so hot," Angela added. "He has that whole tortured thing going about him that makes me want to take care of him and protect him from this world."
"But he's too good to date anyone," Lauren added, with a hint of hurt.
"Oh my god," Bella turns back to them, words a bit passionate. "Are you kidding me? You have a literal goddess sitting at that table and you're all fawning over that scrawny ginger?"
Edward spit out the water he was drinking as human charade, choking on it. Emmett slapped him on the back while Alice had ducked down preemptively to avoid the water. She hadn't bothered to inform Jasper about this from her vision, who winced and grabbed a tissue to wipe the water off his face.
"Um, what?" Jessica was just as confused about this as I was. Did Bella really just think that about Edward? Did she not see him as attractive? But there was no one who could resist his charms. Even I had been taken with him at some point before deciding I couldn't stand his mopey ass and promptly moved on to better pastures: being in love with myself. Self care was important, okay.
"Are you all blind or something? Rosalie is hot as balls."
My eyes bulge out comically as all of my family members turn to me, as if I'm personally responsible for any of Bella's words. I pointedly avoid their gaze.
"Well, we know she's hot. They're all hot, but like he's the hottest-" Jessica is cut off as Bella muffles her mouth with her hand. "You lost me after saying he's hot."
"I didn't even get to say anything after that," Jessica mumbles with the hand still over her and only our vampire hearing picks up her words, Bella not privy to them.
"I seriously cannot believe you would think he was the most drool worthy. I mean, sure he's thin and tall and has a perfect face that looks like it's been sculpted out of stone, but Rosalie," at this she jabs a thumb at me without looking back. "Is like ten times as hot. She looks like she could be a model. The goddess of models, lording over us mortals. Do you see her lips? So much fuller than Edward's coin slot for what he calls a mouth."
Edward gasped in offense and put his hand over his mouth self consciously. I also put a hand to my lips, sensing their fullness. Bella was right there.
"Her hair is photo shoot ready, not a lock out of place while he looks like he woke up from an all night rave in which he slept on the sticky floor after crying about his ex-girlfriend and then pissing his pants about it."
Now Edward's hands went to his hair. Emmett stifled a snort of laughter as Alice's eyes gleamed with barely contained mirth. Jasper just had his eyebrows raised aghast.
"Don't even get me started on her figure. Girl's got curves for days. I could take a road trip down them and then get lost somewhere because that's how many she's got. He's basically looks like a malnourished bread stick next to her."
"Bread stick," Emmett wheezed out, doing his best to hold his laughter in.
"And she looks strong. Not just in the 'I'm a powerful woman who dresses nice and will be your CEO who eats men for breakfast', but she also looks like she could break me in half."
Well, she wasn't wrong with the breaking part. I was a vampire.
"What's Edward going to do? He looks like a cold could take him out for the count."
"That is insensitive," Edward grumbled under his breath because we all knew why he'd had to be changed into a vampire.
"Not only could Rosalie break me in half, but I'd let her do it. I would be honored for her to even step on me."
I let out a groan at this, burying my head into my hands.
"Actually, fuck that, she could ride my like a horse into class and I wouldn't even be the slightest bit mad."
I groaned even louder, hiding my face even more as I felt Jasper's silent laughter next to me, shaking his frame as he felt my embarrassment first hand.
"Edward, looks like the type of dude to be even scared to hold a girl's hand because he would think it's too sexual. So, basically fuck Edward, ya feel."
At this Emmett roared out loud in laughter, slapping the table as Alice nearly cried out of delight and Jasper couldn't hide his chuckles though he did try to put up a hand to his mouth so as not to hurt Edward's feelings.
"She didn't have to go that hard," Edward said, a glimmer of a tear in his eye. He had never been roasted this bad before.
"Bro, she didn't just roast you, she fucking burned you alive." Emmett tossed an arm around him, dragging him nearer to him. With their backs facing away from Bella, they couldn't see how she had turned to observe us, hearing Emmett's loud boom of laughter.
Our eyes met for a split second and I felt a jolt run down my spine. I quickly averted my eyes.
All of the people at Bella's table are gaping at her, shocked into silence, even Jessica who never stops blabbing. Bella casually picks up her apple, turning it over in her hand. It's red much like my cheeks.
"Oh, sorry. I forgot you all don't know I'm like super gay," Bella says, with a small laugh. "Guess this must be a shock for your small town minds which are probably filled with homophobia." She then casually crunches down into her apple, the equivalent of a mic drop in this moment.
And that is how the town of Forks is exposed to the force of nature that is Bella Swan.
A/N: I'm switching up the things with the vampires. In this version, they can be warm. It depends on how recently they've fed. So if it's super recent, up to about a week's time, they can feel warm, their heart is revived and works on pumping very slowly, and they can blush as a result and pass off as more human.
If they don't feed for a long time they get cold and their skin turns pale and then even bluish. They begin to get something like frostbite and while it hurts it won't kill them solely.
