TW for Maddie and Logan's Post-Traumatic Stress


Maddie's head was on Logan's shoulder, and his arm was falling asleep. And yet, it was the single best thing that had happened to Logan all day.

Logan held intentionally still, so as not to disturb her, until his back ached, and a stabbing pain started to shoot down his arm, but it was all worth it. Maddie's body leaned against his, and it felt like the most natural, perfect, thing in the world.

It took every ounce of Logan's self-control not to pull Maddie as close to him as possible, and never, ever let her go. But he wouldn't do that to Maddie. He couldn't. She'd said they weren't dating, and he had promised himself that he wouldn't push her. If Maddie only ever wanted to be friends, Logan would find a way to be fine with that. Just as long as he never, ever had to lose her again.

Besides, Maddie was going through a lot right now. And Logan knew what that was like probably better than anyone else. Logan knew what it was like to walk into a room and panic, and only understand why hours later. He knew what it was like to long for sleep, but fear it at the same time. He knew what it was like to revisit a moment over and over again and wish to God you'd noticed something sooner. And he was going to do everything in his power to make sure Maddie wasn't alone with her fear the way he had been.

They sat in silence for a while longer, and Logan couldn't help but think how strange it was to be silent with Maddie. The Maddie Logan knew was always, always talking.

"I like it out here," Maddie said, finally. "It's just kind of comforting and homey isn't it?"

In all honesty, it seemed like any other giant barn filled to the brim with professional grade martial arts equipment, an entire armory full of weapons, and a programmable climbing wall that was set to randomize the hold locations every single day. But Logan didn't say any of that. Instead he nodded and agreed with Maddie.

"It was pretty much the only building to survive the fire," Logan told her. "Maybe the ghost of Gillian is still hanging around."

Logan could basically feel Maddie rolling her eyes as she said, "I didn't know the history of the Gallagher Academy was on your curriculum."

"Yeah, yeah" Logan protested, rolling his eyes. "If I'm going to do trigonometry by myself in the library for another 4 months, I'm at least going to make the best of it. There are a million books in there, and no one told me I couldn't read them. I want to be prepared, if something like that ever happens again."

Logan felt Maddie tense beside him, and instantly regretted his words. He stroked her shoulder gently, and forced back the urge to kiss her forehead. Until this moment, Logan simply hadn't realized how much what happened in Alaska had been affecting Maddie. How much of it she was still processing. And it made sense. Maddie had almost died. Maddie's father had almost died. And Maddie had killed a man. A really really really bad man, but a man nonetheless.

Logan decided to change the subject. "I thought you weren't allowed to bring your hatchet to school."

Maddie laughed. "I mean, do I look like the kind of girl who's going to leave her hatchet at home just because someone told her to?"

Logan had to agree that she did not. Maddie looked like the kind of girl who probably had about three more weapons secretly stashed somewhere on her person.

"Can you teach me to throw?" he asked. He didn't really expect Maddie to shrug her shoulders, jump to her feet, and press the handle of her second-favorite hatchet into his hand, but that was exactly what she did. She positioned his body in front of the target, adjusted his stance, and his grip on the hatchet, and it took everything Logan had to hold it together. Logan's skin burned everywhere Maddie touched him. He was incredibly conscious of the proximity of her body to his, her hair brushing his arm, the smell of her shampoo as she stood on tiptoes to adjust his shoulders.

"It's all in follow-through," she said, demonstrating a textbook throw beside him. "Now you go."

Logan had asked for this, so he didn't have any choice but to square his shoulders with the target and try to imitate Maddie's motions as closely as possible. He let the hatchet fly from his grip and watched with fascination as it turned over and over in the air and landed with a satisfying thunk in the wall, about two feet from the target he was aiming at.

Maddie looked impressed. "Not bad for your first effort," she admitted. "It definitely takes some practice."

Logan ducked under the guardrail and dislodged the hatchet, returning it to Maddie's hand. A stubbornness Logan recognized well flashed in Maddie's eyes, and she immediately drew her arm back, took half a step forward, and hurled the hatchet straight into the center of the target Logan had missed. A satisfied look crossed her face, and Logan suspected this was one of the few areas of her life where Maddie still had the utmost confidence in her abilities.

"Yeah, yeah," he teased, collecting the hatchet again. "We all know you still have the ultimate bragging rights." Maddie smiled a little then, an actual smile, and Logan's heart almost leapt at the sight.

"It's 1 a.m., Mad," Logan said gently. "Where are you going to sleep tonight?"

Maddie's face fell at the words, and her expression of nervous apprehension nearly killed him. She considered for a moment. "Here, I suppose?" she said the words as a question, not a statement, and Logan felt his heart breaking. The Maddie he knew had never questioned a decision in her entire life.

"Ok," he nodded, and settled himself onto one of the thick mats. "Mhm," he nodded, "Pretty comfy."

Maddie settled next to him. "There's no way my subconscious can make its way all the way from here to your room," she agreed. "So this should be fine."

"Well there won't be any need," Logan clarified. "I'm staying with you."

"No," Maddie shook her head violently. "You're going back to the mansion where it's safe. We're alone out here. You don't have a detail - you're supposed to be surrounded by all the teachers, so you're safe.

Logan shrugged. "I think I'm in more than capable hands with you," he said. "Besides, it's safer for me to be here than traipsing around the grounds alone at night."

"Fine," Maddie huffed. "Just tonight though. Tomorrow you're staying in your room."

Logan nodded. "Of course I am. And you're staying in yours too."

"Ok," Maddie said.

"Ok," Logan responded. "Goodnight, Mad Dog."

The mats were actually softer than Logan had anticipated, and Maddie fell asleep almost immediately, which made him happy. As he counted her deep, measured breaths, he felt the tension in his own body ease. Maddie was okay. They were okay. It was all going to be okay. Logan took off his sweatshirt and draped it gently over Maddie's small body, then settled onto his back on the mat beside her and stared up at the ceiling. He closed his eyes, and immediately opened them again, as an image of Maddie's body, crumpled at the bottom of a ravine flashed in his mind. What he wouldn't give to be able to forget the image that had been haunting him for weeks. He glanced over at Maddie laying quietly beside him. She was only sleeping, Logan reminded himself. And yet a part of Logan couldn't help but wonder if the Maddie he had known was dead.


AN: This chapter and the one before are two of my favorites. I hope you enjoyed them as much as I enjoyed writing them. Please follow and review - lots more chapters coming later this week.