"I was married for eleven years; I met the love of my life over the cadaver when I was in med school. I loved him, has been loving him for twenty-two years which is funny because we were both twenty-two when we first met. We were so young, so hopeful and then we got married. We had a child. And then after eleven years, I lost the love of my life, I had no husband. Just a one-year-old baby and the slightest dignity I had left. What happened to us, Derek?"
That's what she asked him as they looked at each other – just the two of them, Addison-and-Derek once again in an empty on-call room.
"This is humiliating, he's benching me. I've been benched." Lucy Fields rages in annoyance and anger as her and Alex Karev stood there, waiting for the helicopter to finally land.
"She's the best there is, he wants the best for Torres." He exclaims, loud enough to fight the sound of the helicopter in front of them.
She shoots him a look. "It makes me look like a complete moron in front of my colleagues." And then she snaps.
"They're not thinking about you, they're thinking about Torres! I'm sorry, but suck it up." He snaps back.
The blonde OB/GYN opened her mouth, but then completely stunned as the door of the helicopter finally swung open; there the double board-certified neonatal redhead walked out carrying another redhead, but she was different, she was only a child – a six-year-old, to be exact. She was dressed in a red silk top just like her mother, the child had red-hair but her eyes were different. Her beaming light blue eyes, just then she realized that the child that the redhead was holding was hers and everyone's dreamy neurosurgeon – Derek Shepherd.
"Dr. Karev." The redhead greeted him as they walked closer to her.
"Dr. Montgomery, I've always known that I'd see you again. If only I knew it would be like this then I wished you never came back here." He chuckled lightly. Now isn't the time to joke around, but he knew her. The more she grew tense, the more she loses focus and now, they need her to be a God. She was brought back to Seattle to be Addison Montgomery, the best neonatal surgeon there is.
He earned a slight giggle for her in response. "If I knew that I'd come back here to this, then I kind of wish I never left."
"Well you know, the chief sti-" He was cut off by the child who was tangled in Addison's arms.
"Nana, are we going to see dada?" The child looked into her mother's eyes, almost pleading.
"Jules, we've talk about this. Yes, you're going to see dada, but first we have to help aunt Callie. Is that okay with you, sweetheart?" She gave her daughter an assuring smile.
The child nodded. "Yes, nana."
Her eyes lingered to the sight of her daughter who has completely buried her head in her chest and drifted to sleep before turning back her attention to both of the doctors in front of her. "Karev, page Dr. Shepherd and tell him to meet me before I go change into my scrubs. And as for you…"
"Lucy Fields, Dr. Fields. Its nice to meet you, Dr. Montgomery." The redhead nodded in return as her hands were already occupied by her daughter. I don't do handshakes anyways. She thought to herself.
"I'll see you in Callie's room, Dr. Fields." And with that, she headed off to the nearest elevator, with a child still in her hands and left the two doctors that were standing behind her.
"You didn't tell me that they'd be bringing in Addison Montgomery. Thee Addison Montgomery." The blonde whispered to the man beside her.
He smirked. "When I told you that they were bringing in the best, I thought you've already caught the idea."
"Hey!" She grabbed his arm as he started to walk.
"Her name is Julia, Julia Christine Shepherd. She's Shepherd's only spawn." She nodded and they headed to the direction where the redhead went as well.
Lucy found it weird that he already knew what her question was, but then again, that question has been asked so many times that it came natural; Addison Montgomery and Derek Shepherd has a six-year-old daughter that looks like the exact mixture of the both of them.
"Where is she?"
Derek Shepherd, the man who has finally learned to calm himself down is now running down the halls of Seattle Grace Mercy West in search of his family. Clearly, he hasn't seen both of them since the last time they came back. A lot of has change, a lot has been left unsaid which is why he wanted to see them immediately.
All his worries came to an ease as he finally spotted the redhead come out of Callie's room. A chart on one hand and their daughter on the other, she was clinging onto her and resting on her mother's hip. He couldn't help but smile in the sight of the two important women in her life. Seeing that Addison was struggling to keep her balance, he finally walked towards them.
"I'll take that." He smiled as he gently took their daughter in his arms.
She looked up at him and smiled weakly, completely letting her go. Addison has felt his presence before he even come up to them, he just wanted him to actually come to them. It could be from before, all her bottled feelings. He saw me, he saw us and I didn't have to call him to care. She thought to herself.
"Dada, you're here! You're here, I missed you." Their daughter clung on his father happily.
"I missed you too, Jules." Cupping her tiny face, he kissed her forehead lovingly.
Her daughter frowned as he looked up to his father who is now confused. "No kiss for nana?" She pouted and pointed to her mother; she was blushing lightly, shaking her head.
"Addie." He walked over to her and kissed her lightly on the cheek. This has been there set-up every time they see each other – a friendly peck on the cheek, it was normal. Unbeknownst to Derek, it sent chills down to her spine when he does that.
"Derek." She nodded and smiled weakly.
And then there was silence, with the rhythmic beating of the machines inside the room they stood a few a few steps away from, it was silent. Just the two of them, Addison-and-Derek staring at each other's eyes. With their daughter resting in his father's arms, they just continued staring at each other. No words were said, but their eyes spoke. They need each other. The long inevitable was about to come and they knew it. They won't stop it.
"Well if it isn't my favorite family." Both of them jumped as a woman stood between them. "Addison, you know I missed you and I missed the little Sheplet of yours but if we're going to save Callie, I need you to stop playing eye-sex with the father of your child."
"Miranda!" Addison lightly hit her arm and gave her the 'my child is here' look.
"Still feisty, I see. Go ahead and change into your scrubs we have a meeting." Addison nodded and gave one of her closest friends a hug before starting to walk away.
"Addie, wait!" Derek called out and she looked back, confused on what he wanted. Addison knew that Derek was completely aware of everything that he needed to do; he would carry their child as she changed into her scrubs and then he'd bring her to the daycare before they go to the meeting or before they operate.
"Is there something you need, Derek? Her bags are already at the daycare, you have everything you need while I change. She's a little sleepy, but you should already know that by now. You already know the dri-" He cut off her off by shaking his head.
"Can we talk? Privately? Just the two of us?" He whispered the last part as he felt Miranda's eyes on him.
She checked her watch. "We can, but maybe later? I know what we agreed on, but Callie is our best friend and she needs us. Whatever you want to say, lets talk about it later."
"But-" He was about to walk towards her, but Bailey stood in front of him and looked him straight in the eyes.
"You heard the woman. The two of you can talk later." She turned to Addison. "Go, change. I'll take care of your family while you're at it."
Addison looked at Derek and he nodded as approval. She took this as her cue to continue her way away from the two of them. Both Bailey and Derek stood there, watching her retreating form. Derek sighed loudly while rocking the child in his arms to sleep.
"I was going to tell her, Miranda. I've already wasted four years of not telling her, I wanted to tell her now." He finally blurted.
"I know." She looked at him sympathetically. "But know is not the right time, Shepherd. You know that."
"I do. I know that." He sighed again. He has wasted for years of lying to himself that he hasn't threw away the future that they planned for nothing and he wanted to end it there. It's always been you, Addison.
"I'll be back when you need me." That's what Addison said as she left Callie's room. 48 hours and they pulled a miracle. She survived and she had her baby. Everyone inside the hospital celebrated and are praying for her fast recovery; the news of Calliope Torres waking up to say yes to Arizona Robbins' proposal spread like wildfire and everybody just want to know when this is going to happen.
After the much-needed congratulations, she left the room. Addison knows that she shouldn't feel what she's feeling right now, but she can't help it. Like Callie, she went through something and unfortunately, she didn't survive it. They didn't survive it, figuratively speaking. So as any person would do to breathe, she left. She headed to the daycare but was greeted by the peaceful redhead that was sleeping and she decided not to wake her up. That didn't help at all, so what does she do? She sneaks inside the nearest on-call room.
And there he is. The reason why she needs. Derek Shepherd; sitting on one of the empty beds with his beautiful head resting on the wall behind him. His eyes immediately meet hers as she opened the door, if she didn't know better, she would have just stood there and get lost in his ocean eyes. He's still Derek.
"Hey." She decides to speak first, supporting a half-smile.
A smile drew across his face. To her surprise, it looked so genuine. "Hey, you. What are you doing here? Where's Jules?"
"I, uh, I went to the daycare but she was still sleeping. I just wanted to take a break, you know? The past two days have been a blur and so I'm here." She finally returns a smile as she grips on the door handle.
"And so you're here." He nods.
She took a deep breath and tried to shake herself. "But if you're having a break too and you want to do it alone, I'm gonna get going now. Maybe I'd just find another on-call room or maybe I'd just stay in a supply closet for a while."
"No, no. Stay. I actually want you here." He moved from where he was sitting to make room.
"Really?" Something inside of her felt something come alive. It's like the first time their eyes met over the cadaver. He wanted her and she wanted him. They knew it.
He motioned for her to sit next to him. "Really. Come here."
"Okay." She nodded before occupying the space that he gave her.
And then they were quiet, their shoulders were touching but they were quiet. If someone they didn't know saw them in that moment, they'd think it was normal. They'd think that they were two doctors, lovers maybe and they're just resting in an on-call room. Quietly. In reality, this is uncommon. Usually when they see each other, they're cutting up each other's throats and screaming on the top of their lungs. They were always loud, quiet means something else. Nothing about Addison-and-Derek is calm and quiet. Although their love story was quite calm and quiet, two people that met in med school, it was calm. The road to their marriage and the end of it was calm and quiet. Sometimes it was even laced with indifference.
"So…" The silence between them was once again cut off. This time, by him. "Bizzy died."
"I know, I had front-row seats at the scene of the crime and at the funeral." She chuckled faintly, hoping that he doesn't notice the tone in her voice. A mixture of pain and humor.
Maybe it was a reflex or something familiar that pushed him to do it, but soon he realized that his hands were on her shoulder. "I'm sorry I wasn't there. You needed me and I wasn't there." And Mark was there and I missed you, you told me that when you came to Seattle. I'm sorry I wasn't there. Again. He wanted to add that but decided not to.
"It's okay." She turned her head towards him and offered him a faint smile.
"No, it wasn't there. I should've been there, but instead, you had Sam." He offered her a smile back. His eyes were pleading, pure of regret.
"Actually…" She broke eye contact with him and stared directly into a blank wall. "…he wasn't. I mean, yes, physically he was there. He even came up to my room to shake me and tell me that he was scared of me. I just-I don't know anymore."
He shifted from the position he was sitting and turned to face her. She was sideways but it was fine as long as he could see her face; her beautiful eyes that weren't directed to him but still shined, the curve or her beautiful nose and her lips that he just wants to trace right then and there to kiss her.
"What don't you know?" Thank, God. He wanted to say something else, he wanted to kiss her but right now isn't right and he wants it to be right before all of those things.
She finally turned to look at him again. "He just doesn't know me like you do, you know? He's never seen me in my WASP-y persona and he tried to shake it out of me because I 'scared' him, but he's no different. Him shaking me, it scared me. And besides, it doesn't matter anymore if I know or not. He kissed Naomi."
"Oh." His eyes widened in surprise. Derek was happy, but he hated him at the same time. He hurt her. Him and Naomi hurt her. "So, I'm guessing that you lost your boyfriend and your best friend?"
"Yeah, you could say that." She placed a hand on his arm and smiled weakly. Unbeknownst to Addison, the touch of her skin sent chills in his body. "How about you? What's your damage?" She tried her best to change the topic.
There it is. He's always imagined this moment, ready to tell her that it's always been her. "Meredith and I broke up two years ago."
"I know that, I was there when she stormed out of your office. And if I still remember, we had sex the year after that and no one tried to kill me for it. You've been a free man for two years, Derek Shepherd." She raised an eyebrow and both of them chuckled.
"Have I ever told you why we broke up?" She shook her head. "It took me two years to tell you, but here I am. Still struggling for words."
"You know, you don't have to te-"
"It was because of you." He blurted, causing her eyes to widen.
"What do you mean it was because of me?" She removed her hand away from his arms and held it to her chest.
"I'm gonna tell you something, but you have to promise that you won't say anything until I say I'm finished." He stared directly in her yes and used the smile that he knew would get to her. It isn't the McDreamy smile, it was 'The love of her life's' smile. Just like how he smiled at her twenty-two years ago.
"O-okay." She settled on the bed, bringing her knees to her chest so she could rest her head there.
"It was because of you. Well, it was because of me, because of me and Meredith. The breakup was because of the three of us. Do you still remember that day? The three of us just finished an unsuccessful surgery, I punched Mark and hair was incredibly short. A lot has changed about you, but the inevitable had to happen. And I know you're confused because I was supposed to be proposing to her that night that we broke up. I had the ring that my mom told me to give to the right girl and then I saw myself looking at that ring, and I just knew that it wasn't right. Marrying someone else isn't right, she is not the right girl." Derek reached through the pocket of his scrub top and took out a blue velvet box.
Addison was about to say something, but he beat her to it. "The start of our relationship it wasn't right, it shouldn't have happened. I knew it shouldn't have happened, but I had to much pride to admit that I hadn't threw my marriage away for something unsubstantial. I didn't want to admit that I let two of the most important girls in my life for one girl. I loved Meredith, I really did but it wasn't right. Some nights I just want to crawl out of her bed and follow you to LA, make love to you. I know how much you hate that word, but I wanted to do it. And if you're not up for it, I wanted our daughter to lay in between us so I could hold the both of you. For four years, that's all I've been wanting to do. Ever since the divorce. I know you only agreed to push the divorce through to make me happy, but how can I be happy when I lost the real reason of my happiness?"
"Derek…"
"You promised not to talk, I'm not finished yet." He reached for hand and tangled it with hers. "I guess all I'm trying to say is that its always been you, Addie. It will always be you. You are the right woman that my father has always been telling me. Flawed, but human. You aren't bright and shiny, but you make me want to be bright and shiny. There are things about you that only I know. Like the way you scrunch your nose when your tired or when you don't want to cry or the way you eat the olive before you down your margarita to prevent yourself from chocking. And now, the way your eyes sparkle when someone you love is in front of you. All those things about you, I love them. I love you. I'm in love with you, Addie."
Neither of them knew who leaned in first, but now isn't the time to move away because their lips are already locked together, calm and gentle. She allowed him to kiss him and she allowed him to pull away with a smile plastered across his face.
"So, I guess it's my turn to talk now?" She breathed and he nodded.
"Okay, good. I only have one thing to say. After that you can talk." She tangled her hands with his much tighter as she closed her eyes. "I was married for eleven years; I met the love of my life over the cadaver when I was in med school. I loved him, has been loving him for twenty-two years which is funny because we were both twenty-two when we first met. We were so young, so hopeful and then we got married. We had a child. And then after eleven years, I lost the love of my life, I had no husband. Just a one-year-old baby and the slightest dignity I had left. What happened to us, Derek?"
"Honestly, I don't know. Everything just-" And then the realization washed over him. "Wait, that was a rhetorical question. Did you just say has been loving?" His eyes met with hers once again, but this time his eyes were sparkling with joy.
"I guess I did." And for the first time since she came back, her smile finally become genuine.
Derek couldn't help but smile even more as she did. "So…"
"So? We just professed that we're still in love with each other, Derek. Kiss me, moron." He couldn't help but chuckle in response.
Once again, he took the box out but this time he took the ring out and slid it in one of her fingers. "You know the way I see it we could deal with us in one of three ways." She nodded in response; she already knows where this is going because she said the exact words to him five years ago.
"Option one, we officially get back together and I move to LA with you and Jules. We work on our relationship and get married for the second time to forever. Option two, you move back here to Seattle and we still do the other things, just in a different climate." They both chuckle as he rubbed the finger where the ring he gave her rested.
"Are you trying to be funny?" She asked sarcastically.
He let go of her hands and moved closer to her. "Your ex-husband has a sense of humor." He leaned in closer to her face to peck her lips again, but she turned her head away.
"What's the third?" He chuckled with her response. Both of them are now using the exact words that they said to each other years ago.
Derek knew where this was going so he took her by the chin so she could face him. "I don't know what the third option is." His lips met hers and he gently pecked her lips before moving away again.
"I just know I still love you." They said in unison before all the walls come crushing down. Her lips were on his, making its way to tell him how much he missed being with him. Derek's hands wandered up and down her knees to pull her closer to him. As for Addison, she had her hand at the back of his neck to deepen the kiss. Both of them clung onto each other, they miss this. They want this, but it can't happen. Not right now.
"Dr. Shep-Oh God, I am so sorry." A stunned Lexie Grey entered the room as Derek was just about to take off Addison's scrub top.
"Little Grey, what are you doing here?" He asked out of breath as the redhead beside him turns red in embarrassment. Really, of all people? A Grey girl had to walk in on me and Derek? You have got to be kidding me.
"I uh-I-c-come bearing a gift." She stuttered as she motioned to the door; revealing Mark carrying his Goddaughter. Even after all that happened between the three of them, he still continued being their child's godfather. The best even, among all of his Godfathers, he's her favorite.
"Lexie, why is your fa-wow, I never thought my eyes would be able to see this sight ever again." Mark enters the room laughing hysterically as his Goddaughter looks up at him, confused. "When you're old enough and nana and dada are not here, I'll tell you what I mean. I promise."
"Look who's bright and shiny." Addison rolled her eyes as Mark continued to laugh hysterically at her and Derek's faces; red, just like how he found the two of them in Derek's office the year before.
His laughter finally died down. "Well, you saved Callie and my baby. Plus, when I visited the little Sheplet in the daycare she told me that she wanted to see both of you so here I am. You do want your child to be in here, right?" As if on cue, Lexie protected the child's ears with both of her hands and nodded at Mark to proceed. "Or do the two of you want to rail each other first?"
"Mark!" Derek snapped pointing to the child in his arms.
"She didn't hear what I said!" He snapped back as Lexie took her hands off the child's ears.
Addison pinched the bridge of her nose in annoyance. If there's something that she didn't miss, its Mark's sexual innuendos in the most inappropriate timing. "Mark, just put Jules in the bed. We've got it from here. Whatever we were doing. It can wait."
Mark turned his head towards Derek who even if he looks defeated, still nodded. He motioned to the space between her and Addison to put the child there.
"If you say so." Mark moved towards the bed and carefully put down the child in between her parents. He looked at them back and forth. "You know if you guys really want to, I can take her with me to meet Sofia."
"Mark, we said we've got it." Derek said as he wrapped his arms around their daughter's shoulder.
Mark stood next to the door and Lexie. "No, Addison said that you've got it. Do you really want to go there, Derek?"
"But I just said that we've got it, didn't I?" He snapped.
Before a fight started between the two men, she motioned to Derek to lay down. Bringing her and their daughter some space so Derek could get himself comfortable on the bed. "Mark, really. We've got it from here. Thank you for bringing her here." Mark nodded as she turned her attention to the Grey girl beside him and smiled softly. "Thank you, Little Grey."
With the two of them finally leaving the room and Derek looking up at her as he lay down, she situated their daughter on the bed in between them before she herself decided to lay down. It was already a small bed and now that their daughter is in between them, they needed to make space for her. Both of them shifted to their sides, mirroring each other as their daughter drift soundly asleep in between them.
The two of them stayed quiet, only looking at each other. Their hands tangled on top of their daughter's waist. Soft smiles and look in their eyes radiated through the room. The moment that they had a while ago may have disappointed them, but now both of them has realized that the position that they're in right now is much better.
"Addie?" He uttered softly, not trying to wake the child in between them.
"Hmm?" She smiled sweetly at Derek.
"Do you remember what Savvy and Weiss said the last time they came here?" He blurted.
At first, she looked like she was collecting her thoughts until it hit her. The smile on her face grew wider. "Of course, I remember. They told us that we'd make it, that we were always meant to be."
"A couple of clams on a half shell. Two pees in a pod. Addison-and-Derek. It took as long enough, but we've finally survived it all." He smiled back at her, looking at her adoringly.
"Addison-and-Derek." She nodded before leaning closer to his face and pecking his lips softly. "I love you, Derek."
"I love you more, Addie." He took his hand away from hers and he started moving it up and down her cheek.
"Not possible." Before she can even finish, Derek attacked her lips softly but enough to send shivers down her spine.
"You were saying?" She playfully hit his arm as they settled down to bed.
In that moment, it was proven that intimacy can be shown in a lot of ways. Their breaths finally calming down, they fell asleep with their foreheads touching and their hands in twined once again on the top of their daughter's waist. Four years ago, a piece of paper ended eleven birthdays, eleven thanksgivings and eleven Christmases. It ended a marriage, but it never ended a family. They were always meant to be together. Addison-and-Derek. The two of them being brought to each other was always inevitable.
