For Gen
Word count: 5220
It starts with a kiss.
They're both packed and ready to leave Hogwarts and go home for the holidays. Anthony says he doesn't really have anything planned. The worst part about winter holidays is that they never happen early enough for him to spend Hanukkah with his family.
But that doesn't stop him from grinning; Padma doesn't know how he can always be so cheerful, like there isn't a care in the world. It's one of the things she likes most about him, and, if she's honest, she envies him a bit for it. She wishes she could be just as bright and hopeful, somehow never seeing the ugly in the world.
They stop just outside the Great Hall, and Anthony's gaze flickers upward, a grin on his lips. "Oh, look. Mistletoe," he says.
Padma follows his gaze, eyes narrowing. She's almost certain the mistletoe hadn't been there the night before, and she has a sneaking suspicion it will mysteriously be gone once they leave the doorway. Maybe she shouldn't be surprised. Anthony had spent hours upon hours, determined to master nonverbal spells. It looks like that hadn't been pure Ravenclaw stubbornness and a thirst for learning.
"So it is," she says dryly.
He grins like it's the funniest thing. Padma offers him a smile and adds, "If you tell me the mistletoe is enchanted, and we can't leave until I kiss you, I will hex you into next week."
His grin only broadens, mischief twinkling in his hazel eyes. "Okay. I won't tell you."
She shoots him a withering glare, but her expression softens almost instantly. It isn't like she hates the idea of kissing Anthony. Truth be told, the two of them have been dancing around this since the Yule Ball two years earlier, when he had found her alone and miserable and muttering her hatred of Ron. He had comforted her, a perfect gentleman, and they had almost… But, of course, Snape had shown up, shooing them away and threatening them with detention.
And so she doesn't really think about it, just leans in and kisses him. Padma has never kissed anyone before in her life. The books she's read always described first kisses as some magical experience, some moment of perfection, but that isn't true. It's awkward and weird, too much teeth and tongue, no direction. Still, she thinks it's rather nice, and she could easily see herself kissing him again and again. They could say they're eager to learn, that the art of snogging is some new skill they simply have to master.
When they pull away, Anthony's face is flushed with a heated pink, and he grins. "Well, that was nice," he says. "More than nice! You aren't just nice. It was… Wow. I… Um…"
Padma steps past the doorway and into the Great Hall. As expected, the mistletoe is gone. "So, how'd you enchant the mistletoe like that? That has to be some pretty advanced charm-work."
Anthony raises his brows, a smirk playing at his lips. "Enchanted? What? No, I just transfigured a pinecone into mistletoe. You filled in the blanks yourself."
"Oh, I hate you!"
"Really? That kiss says otherwise."
…
"You know how ridiculous you are, right?" Parvati asks. "Padma, you two are sending letters every bloody day. Blimey, first Lavender, now you!"
Padma tucks Anthony's latest letter away, smiling. It's only been a week since that kiss, but it feels like an eternity. Maybe Parvati's right, and she is being ridiculous, but she doesn't really care. She loves the feeling of being so giddy and silly, and she never wants to lose it.
"I mean, I'm happy for you. But every day? Isn't that sort of excessive?" her twin adds, eyes rolling.
"A little privacy would be nice," Padma huffs.
Parvati giggles, craning her neck, like she can somehow see through the envelope if she positions herself just right. "Ooh! Privacy? Is it that sort of letter, then?" She smirks, clearly enjoying Padma's discomfort. "I didn't think you were that sort of girl."
"Goodbye, Parvati!"
It takes several more minutes, lots of threatening, begging, and finally blackmail, but Parvati finally leaves, shutting the door behind her with more force than actually necessary. Alone at last, Padma collapses onto the bed, rolls onto her stomach and opens the letter. It isn't that sort of letter, of course. Anthony is, as always, a perfect gentleman. Still, these letters, the little details of his life and who he is when she isn't there, the way he signs his letters with a promise that he's thinking of her… It's something so deeply intimate that she cannot share with anyone else, not even the twin who has been by her side since their time in the womb.
He talks about the snow, and how he and his cousins had an epic snowball fight the night before; he claims his hands are still half-frozen, but nothing could stop him from writing to her. He tells her he's afraid because a witch down the road was killed by Death Eaters. He talks about the Muggle war from so long ago, and how he sees the patterns, and he's worried about another mass genocide. He doesn't mean for the letter to take a dark turn, but he tells her it's because she's the only one he can trust with his fears and doubts, and he's so glad for that because he's been bottling it up for so long.
After she's read the letter at least five times, as she does with every letter he sends, she folds it again and holds it close to her heart, sighing. Are there words that can take his pain away? Can she say anything to make him feel better? Everyone is scared right now, but all she can think about is helping Anthony through it.
…
Anthony says he likes spring the best. The following March, they walk along the Black Lake, looking for signs of life coming back. The trees are still struggling to find their leaves again, but here and there, they find little hints of green.
"Do you feel like we should be doing something more?" Anthony asks.
"Like what?"
"Like… I dunno. Isn't there some organization that fights the Death Eaters?"
Everyone knows that there is, of course, but it's mostly just whispers. No one knows much about the group, but Padma has heard a rumor that Dumbledore is involved with it, and that's why he likes Harry Potter so much. Padma tries not to give much thought to rumors, but there's something about that one that makes her wonder if maybe there's something to it.
"I want to do something more," he says. "I'm tired of just sitting around while someone else I know has everything ripped away from them."
Padma sighs. "What can we do? We're just kids."
It's one of the most bitter truths she's ever had to say. They don't feel like kids. It seems like this world changed into something dark, and ever since Cedric died, they had to grow up much too fast. They should be holding hands and laughing and not worried about anything other than falling a little more in love with each step. Instead, they worry about whose family has been broken this week, if their parents are okay, if Greyback can be stopped, if they'll be the next to die.
And yet, in the end, they are still kids. Anthony is seventeen as of February, so the wizarding world says he's an adult, but what does that really mean? He's just the same as he had been. When Padma turns seventeen next month, nothing will change, and she'll still be a scared kid.
"That isn't good enough," he says. "I want to be more than just a kid."
All she knows to do is kiss him. It isn't enough to make his frustration go away; that's something that will always be there if something doesn't change in this world. But it makes him smile against her lips, and maybe it reminds him that everything is okay, and even if the world has gone to shit, at least they still have each other.
"We'll figure this out," she whispers. "I don't know what that means, but we will. Okay?"
…
Seeing Albus Dumbledore's dead body is surreal. He's old, of course, and old people die, but not like this. Not falling from the Astronomy Tower. Not Albus Dumbledore, the only man You-Know-Who has ever feared.
It's a new level of hopelessness. The world has been dark for so long, but Dumbledore has always been a beacon, a reminder that there's still light, that things would work themselves out in the end. Without him, she doesn't know what will happen next.
Anthony squeezes her hand and pulls her close. When he wraps an arm around her, she feels warm and safe, like nothing can harm her. It isn't true, of course. In this world, no one is safe. At least she can pretend for a little bit longer.
"I love you," he whispers, pressing a kiss to her forehead.
"I love you too."
He is the last semblance of normalcy she has left in this world, and she clings to him because she doesn't know what else to do.
…
Her parents love Anthony. They say he's a good boy, the sort of bloke they'd be proud to call their son, and Padma always has to rush him away before her parents try to arrange a marriage.
"I think it's sweet," Anthony says once the two of them are finally alone in the garden.
Of course he does. Every time he comes over, her mother frets over him and tries to feed him everything in the kitchen, and her father strikes up conversations about sports and other things he feels he cannot discuss with daughters. Padma hasn't told her father yet that Anthony actually hates sports.
Padma nibbles a Murukku her mother sent with them, studying Anthony in silence for several seconds. Once they're far away from the others, Anthony grows tense. He's gotten quite good at wearing a jovial mask around her family, and he only lets it drop when they're alone.
"You saw the Prophet, then," Padma guesses.
Anthony nods, jaw clenched as he pulls a copy of the newspaper from his bag. Padma doesn't have to read it, but her eyes still fall upon the headline announcing the Muggle-born Registration. Neither of them have to worry about it. He's a half-blood, and she's a pure-blood (though her name won't appear on that disgusting list of the sacred families because her family's magical bloodline had started in India and hadn't found its way to Britain until her grandfather arrived after the stupid directory came out).
Their friends will be affected. People they've never met too, and maybe most people wouldn't care about strangers, but they do.
"When it was my people, they didn't tell them what registering really meant either," Anthony says darkly.
"Half-bloods?" Padma asks, trying to remember when that happened.
"Jews, Padma."
Right. World War II. She doesn't know nearly enough about it, and she keeps promising herself she's going to read up on it. Maybe she could have done that sooner. Anthony sees parallels she cannot, and she wishes she could relate to him more.
"You've heard the rumors," he says. "The Ministry has fallen, and You-Know-Who is controlling it."
Padma nods. She'd heard from Parvati, who had heard from Lavender, who had heard from Seamus, and that line of "heard from" is a bit too long for her liking, but who can deny it now? Scrimgeour had made an effort to combat dark forces, and Fudge, flawed as he might have been, would have never done anything so heinous. Only someone with dark intentions would work to spread this sort of propaganda and hatred, and they both know that anything dark leads back to You-Know-Who one way or another.
"This is really real," she whispers.
It's been real for a long time, and after Dumbledore's death, it's just been a matter of time before something like this happened. Maybe they've all been holding their breaths and waiting. Now that it's here, it's like she's forgotten how to breathe.
"I've been in touch with Neville," Anthony says. "Ginny too. They think it's time we bring back Dumbledore's Army."
"How? Harry Potter isn't here anymore."
She tries not to be angry about that, but how can she not be? The Ministry has been overrun, and he's just abandoned them. He's supposed to be a hero, a leader, but maybe he's just as scared as they are. There's something depressing about realizing he's only human too.
"We're going to lead it," he tells her. "Put a bunch of Death Eaters up, what do they expect? Of course we're going to fight."
…
Returning to Hogwarts is a bit like walking into a nightmare. Padma tries not to notice how empty the tables around her are, how many people are missing. What happened to the Muggleborn children who had received their letters, thinking they would learn magic and filled to the brim with excitement over being a witch or wizard?
The Slytherin table is the fullest, but Padma notices even it has a few absent students. She's more than a little surprised, but maybe she shouldn't. It's rare, but of course the occasional Muggleborn would end up Sorted there.
There's no excitement, no eager chatter as friends catch up after spending a summer apart. This isn't the Hogwarts she knows. It's like some sort of hellscape, some mirror reality where up is down and right is left. Once, this had been her home, her favorite place to be. It's just another thing this war has taken from her.
The worst part is seeing Snape where Dumbledore should be. It's a slap in the face, and she wants to storm up there and drag him from that seat, screaming that he doesn't deserve the honor of looking over Hogwarts.
Anthony slides in next to her, sighing heavily. "Miserable, isn't it? Like a bloody funeral."
"Pretty sure funerals are at least a bit more lively," Padma whispers.
His lips twitch like he wants to smile. Padma doesn't think anyone really has the energy anymore. Of course, it seems like a lifetime has passed since there's been anything worth smiling about.
He nudges her gently with his elbow and steals a quick kiss. "We're going to be okay," he says, and there's an unspoken promise in his words that she can't help but believe.
It seems impossible, but if Anthony says it's so, she has no choice but to trust him.
…
The first time she gets in trouble, it's for refusing to subject a second-year Hufflepuff girl to the Cruciatus Curse. It's such a small act of rebellion, but Padma stands firm. The Carrows need to be reminded that not everyone will just step aside and let them do as they please.
Amycus Carrow does not appreciate the defiance. Quick as a flash, he grabs Padma's hair, fingers tangling roughly in the dark strands, some of them ripping from the root. She cries out, but he is more monster than man, and he doesn't care about her protests. Carrow drags her to the front of the classroom and dismisses the second-year. The little girl offers her a look that is half apology, half thanks before scurrying off.
"What is your blood status, Patil?"
She clenches her jaw and stares straight ahead.
"Silence won't help you, little girl," he snaps, forcing her onto her knees. "I already know the answer. Pure-blood. Consider yourself lucky the boss doesn't want too much of your blood spilled, because I would happily kill you if I could. Crucio!"
The curse hits, ripping through every cell in her body. Padma remembers learning about those curses when Professor Moody (who, of course, hadn't been Moody at all) had forced them to watch the spider undergo each curse. She had read up on the effects of each, but that is definitely a piece of knowledge she had hoped would alway be theoretical.
Knowing what to expect doesn't help at all. She screams, losing her balance and falling to the floor. She thinks her skull might be cracked open, but it's hard to tell. What pain is because of the curse? What pain is actually happening naturally? She tries to focus on logical questions like maybe it will help, but it doesn't. The curse hits again and again, and she can't think.
"Stop it!"
And the pain stops, and dread washes over her. She opens her mouth, ready to plead for Anthony to stay out of it because she's fine and he needs to stay in his seat. If anything happens to him, she will never forgive herself. No words come out, only a pained, pitiful whimper.
"Goldstein, are you offering to take her place?"
"If I have to," Anthony snaps.
"Very well. Boot, help Patil to her seat."
A moment later she feels hands on her shoulder. "It's okay," Terry whispers. "I've got you."
"Anthony…"
"He's an idiot, but he'll be fine."
"Half-blood," Carrow says, and he spits the word like it leaves a bad taste in his mouth. "The Dark Lord doesn't mind if I spill a little of your blood, boy. Crucio!"
Once the class is over, Terry helps Anthony out of the classroom, and Neville tends to Padma. "You sentimental fool," she snaps once the four of them are in a quiet corridor where they won't be interrupted. "I was fine!"
"Didn't look fine to me," Anthony counters.
"Guys, is now really the time?" Neville asks.
"I hate you."
Anthony, who received the worst of the torture, just offers her a small grin. "You don't, actually."
She scowls because she knows he's right. "Yeah, well… I'm not happy with you."
"I can live with that."
Terry clears his throat. "Sorry to intrude on this sickeningly cute moment, but we should probably move along."
They've learned not to stay in one place too long. The Carrows must know something is happening under their noses, but they're too stupid to realize the students aren't just going to plot right out in the open. Even so, they keep moving. The last thing they need is for one of those awful siblings to decide they're suspicious.
…
It's nearly Halloween before the first DA meeting gets organized. It's much more difficult to put it together now, with so many of the old members gone. Worse still is that Harry isn't there to lead. Padma thinks Neville is a pretty okay bloke, and he's grown so much since their first year at Hogwarts, but he isn't a leader. Not really. Not the way Harry was.
Ginny stands next to Neville. That girl is pure fire; if she's helping to run things, maybe there's a chance for them. Beside her, Luna Lovegood smiles, looking quite out of place, but no one dares to say anything. Luna is Ginny's best friend, and everyone is so terrified of Ginny's Bat-Bogey Hexes, that Padma can't even remember the last time anyone called the strange blonde Ravenclaw Loony.
Anthony takes her hand, and she rests her head against his arm as Neville talks. He's more eloquent than she'd expected. He really has grown.
"And, really, I guess what I'm trying to say is that this is our castle," Neville concludes, earning a cheer from the gathered students. "They think that they're in charge just because they have their fancy titles. They are nothing!"
"Nothing!" several students shout in agreement.
"We may not have Harry Potter with us, but I know he's out there, still fighting. He, and Ron, and Hermione. It's up to us to protect this castle while they can't!" Ginny adds.
"For Harry!" someone calls.
"No," Anthony says, and he stands a little taller. "This is our fight now. For Hogwarts!"
…
"No mistletoe this year?" Padma asks as she and Anthony pass through to the Great Hall.
Her boyfriend grins. "Looks like the decoration staff is slacking," he says, shaking his head. "Someone should have a word with them."
She rolls her eyes, leaning against him as they walk. "I guess it's a good thing I don't need mistletoe to have an excuse to kiss you."
He pauses long enough to press a quick, chaste kiss to her lips. No one really lingers today. Padma suspects everyone wants to get as far away from the castle as possible. Even with Dumbldore's Army doing everything it can, Hogwarts still doesn't feel like home. Maybe it never will again. Maybe that awful shadow will always hang over the castle.
"You'll be safe, won't you?" he asks as they make their way outside, boots crunching over the snow on the ground.
She hates that he even has to ask. Any other year, she could laugh about how no, she won't because maybe she's going to try skiing during an avalanche. This isn't the year to joke and tease. Both know how dangerous this new world is, and how their safety isn't promised. They can do everything right and still suffer in the end.
So just smiles and tells him she won't do anything stupid, and she makes him promise to do the same.
…
The garden is covered with snow, but it's still their favorite place to escape to. Her parents never follow her, and her sister is too busy writing letters to Lavender. It's quiet and safe, and no one ever bothers them.
Anthony sips the hot cocoa Padma's mother made for them as they walk along in silence.
"I didn't think you'd come visit," she says when the quiet is too much.
"I missed you."
When he missed her last winter, he simply wrote letters. It's strange how much things have changed. Sometimes it feels like the world has only changed in the most awful ways, but then she sees the beacons of hope, the little reminders that it isn't all bad, and maybe something good can come from all the mess.
"You're quiet," he notes.
"When all this is over, I think we should do something," she says. "A summer in Paris?"
He grins. "You never struck me as the romantic type."
Padma just laughs. She isn't. Not usually. That's always been more Parvati's thing. Still, there's something about Anthony that makes her want to do all those cute and silly things. "Are you saying you wouldn't go?"
"Of course I would. It's a date."
…
When they return in January, all anyone can talk about is how Luna was snatched from the Hogwarts Express. Padma sees what looks like guilt in Draco Malfoy's eyes, but it's hard to tell these days. He's been a broken shell of the boy he used to be for quite some time.
But now Ginny Weasley is gone too. She isn't the only one. Padma's heard rumors about some of the families going into hiding. Her father had considered it, but her mother had talked him out of it, claiming it would be a cold day in Hell before a few monsters could make them run.
"Do you think it will ever be normal again?" Padma asks.
Anthony laughs. The sound is bitter and dry, no humor to be found. "I don't think so," he says. "If this isn't the new normal, I think it'll take a very long time for us to heal from it."
He takes her hand, and somehow it doesn't seem like the end of the world.
…
Half-way through February, some of the others start to disappear. She knows they aren't really gone, just that they're underground. Neville had been talking about it for some time. He and Hannah had led the first mass exodus to the Room of Requirement. Padma knows it's only a matter of time before she joins them. For now, they're still busy, trying to recruit those they can, desperately trying to get others to safety.
They're heading back from a diversion mission, and she chuckles. "You wanted to do more," she says. "Is this more enough for you?"
"I'm not sure that I'll ever feel like I'm doing enough," Anthony admits. He sighs. "But I think it's a nice start."
She wishes she could make him see he's done so much already, more than some have. He's amazing, and she has never seen anyone so passionate about doing the right thing. How could she get so lucky that of all the boys in the castle, someone like Anthony Goldstein fell in love with her?
"You're amazing."
He laughs. "I'm not. I'm just doing what needs to be done." He wraps an arm around her. "I'm sorry we didn't get together sooner. It's like our whole relationship has revolved around this bloody war."
"There's always Paris," she tells him. "You, me, a nice bottle of wine after a stroll in the park."
It seems like such a faraway dream, but it makes it easier to get through the day sometimes. Even when the world is falling apart around them, she has the hope of a romantic escape with the boy she loves. If she has to wait a million years, she gladly will.
…
She doesn't like staying in the Room of Requirement. It feels so wrong, like she's been stuck in time out. Hogwarts is supposed to be her home. Now, even after they've escaped from the Carrows, it feels more like a prison.
Padma finds it nearly impossible to sleep. She knows she isn't the only one. Sometimes the younger students will cry, and the first years in particular will beg for their mother to comfort them. Others scream, haunted by nightmares if they can sleep, or plagued by waking memories.
After tossing and turning for what feels like an eternity, she feels a gentle pressure on her mattress. "You looked like you needed some company," Anthony whispers, stretching out beside her.
It seems strange for him to be in her bed. She thinks she should remind him that there are rules, but she doesn't. Maybe those rules don't even apply when they're here. There are no charms in place to prevent him from getting to her after all, no strict rule that boys have to be on one side, and girls on the other.
Instead, she moves a little closer, resting her head on his chest. His heart beats quickly within, and she smiles to herself. It's been over a year since they started dating, and she still makes his heart race. How sweet.
"I'll never say no to your company," she tells him.
In the distance, some cries. There's a soft shushing sound of someone trying to soothe them. Everyone is haunted and broken in their own way, just trying to find a way to get by. She's grateful she and Anthony have each other. It makes the bad days a little more bearable.
"Tell me about Paris," he says.
"It's the city of love," she says, pursing her lips. "Um… There are… Things. Fancy restaurants, museums, wine, and such."
"Why Paris?"
She doesn't really know. Truthfully, anywhere but here would be good enough. Maybe it's just what Paris represents, like a place that is known for its romance and beauty can heal the ugly pieces of the war that scar them.
"I've never been," she answers. She frowns. "I haven't been to a lot of places, actually."
Anthony takes her hand and lifts it to his mouth, pressing a kiss to each knuckle. "We should fix that. When this all over, we're bringing gap years back. We'll see the world together."
Smiling, Padma cuddles a little closer. She loves the way Anthony talks, like there's always a brighter tomorrow, like the world around them doesn't have to define their future.
"Together," she agrees, because she wouldn't have it any other way.
…
This is it. Harry Potter is back, and Padma makes a mental note to apologize to him for thinking he'd abandoned them. There's no time for that now, of course. There is so much chaos and noise and motion as those who are of age make their decisions to stay or leave.
"You don't have to fight," Anthony tells her, and though he won't say it aloud, his tone implies that he wants her to leave.
"Yes, I do. That's where you'll be."
He scowls and mutters something about stubborn women under his breath. Padma bites back a laugh. She's only as stubborn as he is.
"Everything has been leading up to this moment," she adds. "Do you really think I'm just going to sit this one out? Nah. I'm in it for the long run, mate."
He studies her for a moment like he doesn't know if he wants to kiss her or yell at her. Then he just grins and squeezes her hand. "This is why I love you," he says.
Padma beams at that. "I love you too."
She has so much more she wants to say, but she doesn't have time. Not now. Not yet. It's only a matter of time before the barriers fall, and they have to be ready. So she just offers him a grin and nods. With Anthony by her side, she thinks she can face anything.
…
It's real. This is all so very real. Padma has practiced defensive magic, but it's only ever been that: practice. Now that the battle rages around her, she can't help but second guess herself.
Except she knows that won't do. She's made the decision to fight, and there's no backing down now. Head held high, she moves, wand waving, casting spell after spell, and doing everything she can. She isn't sure who's winning or losing, but she knows she will not stop until she's dead.
"Look out!"
She doesn't have time to think, never even sees the curse heading her way. There's a moment of panic where she freezes, and then something slams against her, knocking her out of the way.
Not something. Someone.
Anthony lies on the floor, eyes wide, mouth opening and closing without a sound. Whatever hit him has left a deep gash in his side, and the blood is draining quickly. The hospital wing is too far away, so she tries every healing spell she knows because something has to work.
"You are not dying on me, Anthony!" she snaps. "We're supposed to go to Paris, yeah? And everywhere else. Gap years and all that. Just you and me."
He opens his mouth a little wider, like he wants to say something. Padma leans in and feels a soft rush of air on her cheek, and she hears a barely audible, "Sorry."
"Hey… Come on. Don't do this to me," she whispers, and she knows the battle is still going on and she is stupid for just dropping to the ground and trying to save one person, but for once in her life, she doesn't want to be the logical one. "Stay with me, Anthony."
"May my memory… bring you comfort."
In that moment, she knows it's hopeless. Tears spilling from her eyes, she presses her lips to his.
And just as it all began, it ends with a kiss.
