A/N: Hello to everyone, who is new to this story...and of course to everyone, who's been on board from the beginning!
I wanted to say thanks again - for reviews, for the messages I receive. Always makes my day.
So, this story will start to unfold slowly now.
Be aware that it will take a while for Emma and Regina to get it all sorted out...you'll learn about the reason for that in the upcoming chapters. It's quite a struggle for them to accept how close they are getting, although it might be a lot harder on Regina's part.
It will take time and patience...for the characters, for me (since I'm writing this story) and for you as you are reading it. Hope I won't bore you out, but things are not easy and can't be rushed. It would be nowhere near realistic and would damage the story.
So, thanks for your understanding, your patience and support if you'll stick with me and my story anyway.
Love you all xoxo
TAKE ME TO WONDERLAND
Chapter 10
The conversation with Graham had been exactly what she had needed.
Emma had felt a lot better once she had admitted her fears and feelings, as confusing as it had been, and it had also given her some peace.
By the time Regina and Henry arrived she had calmed down completely and the easy going dinner had made Emma see that things could work out if only she tried hard enough.
And yet the next feek weeks had turned out to be a roller coaster ride neither of them had been prepared for.
The first couple of days everything was "normal" considering their unusual circumstances, but Emma and Regina had been aware that a talk was in order and one morning they became just too aware of that – when Henry had asked them to escort him to school together.
Of course they had granted him his wish, but afterwards they had a long conversation about how this constellation was affecting Henry.
The outcome had been that Regina had more or less decided that they should spend more time apart, because Emma would get involved with someone eventually and then they would be "in the way" anyway.
And although Emma had wanted to shake Regina and scream at her face if she could not see that they were all she wanted, that they were all she needed, she had stayed silent, because she knew that Regina only tried to protect Henry. And maybe even herself.
Because everyone had let her down in life and of course Regina was not able to shake the feeling off that Emma would do the same sooner or later.
Could anyone blame her for that?
Emma doubted it.
And on the other side she was aware that Regina could be right. She would never let them down or get tired of them, but what if she really got involved with someone at some point?
Or if Regina would get involved with someone? Even if it was highly unlikely, but it was not impossible.
Needless to say that Emma did not like the idea one bit.
Staying out of each others lives for real had turned out to be a lot harder than in theory – especially when Regina still showed up for her morning coffee every day, when Emma took Henry to school every now and again, because the brunette was too worn out to stay up for a moment longer when she returned after her shift at 'The Rabbit Hole'.
And of course there was dinner and even though neither of them would ever admit it, neither Emma nor Regina had any attention to eat alone, especially because Henry was too excited about them eating together.
Every day.
So, instead of staying away from each other they had grown closer and both women knew it.
Because of that the situation became more and more awkward till Emma had to leave for a business trip over the weekend.
Maybe it was what they needed.
Time to take a breath, time to overthink the whole situation.
Deep down Emma prayed that Regina would come to realize that everything was okay and that they could just go on like that forever, but she doubted it, because the idea of being some sort of a weird patch work family was unsettling even to Emma.
But more unsettling than that was the fear that Regina would do something drastic, that she would decide that it was not working at all.
Because friends could be family, right?
Of course they could be Emma tried to convince herself, because all her friends were part of her family.
And yet again – what she shared with Regina and Henry was completely different and she knew it.
It had been only two and a half days, but it had felt like forever.
At least to Emma.
And to Henry as well.
The boy had hugged her so tight once she had stepped out of the elevator that she had barely been able to breathe, but it had felt too good to be home to have bothered.
And even Regina had seemed to be relieved to see her if Emma had not completely misread the smile the brunette had given her, if the sparkle in her warm brown eyes was any indication at all.
It was weird, because Emma loved San Fransico and she had always taken up on any opportunity to go there, to party, to enjoy life, but this time she had gone to her meetings and back to her hotel room to sleep.
The end.
No shopping tours although she could very well afford them, no partying, no drinking, nothing.
She had gotten her work done and had slept the rest of the day, in hopes that time would pass faster, because all she had wanted was to go back home.
Go back to Regina and Henry.
"How was your trip?" Henry and his curious self always made her smile and more than that it always got Emma distracted, always made her sorrows fade away. At least for the time being.
"I'm afraid there is nothing much to tell, kid. I was there for work", she explained while she unlocked her apartment door.
"Don't you like San Francisco?" the boy seemed to be confused.
"Of course I like it. I love it! I've been there so many times I've lost count over the years. I have some good friends there. We used to party a lot and go shopping and stuff like that", Emma replied, regretting it the same second when she saw the growing confusion on Regina's face.
Why couldn't she keep her mouth shut?
But to her relief the brunette did not say anything to her revelation – no comment, no questions, nothing.
Instead Regina cleared her throat, "I have to go and check on dinner. I hope you are hungry..."
"You bet."
And while Regina disappeared down the corridor Emma and Henry entered her penthouse, but since she did not feel like unpacking she put the suitcase in the corner and sat down on the couch, patting the place next to her, "Sit down, kid. I got you something."
Once Henry had taken a seat Emma opened her bag and took a book of San Francisco out of it, "I thought since you are reading so much..."
"Awesome, Emma! Thanks!" he hugged her quickly before he grabbed the book and opened it the same second, but before he started to dive into it he looked up once again, "Headmaster Hopper said...if I work hard...and keep my good grades up...he said I might get a scholarship for college one day. I really want that, because then I can get a good job...and I can take mom on a vacation...she's never been on a vacation...but she's working so hard all the time...she deserves a vacation, right?"
Emma was startled by the boy's words, how he never asked for anything for himself, how he always tried to look out for Regina, "You know what, kid! That's a great idea! And we make sure that you get into college, because you are damn smart."
The answer seemed to satisfy him for the moment and he lowered his eyes on the book to learn something about the city Emma had called a second home almost all her life.
Henry had told his mother everything he had read about San Francisco so far during dinner and Regina had listened with interest while Emma had gotten caught up in a daydream of the three of them actually being there.
How she would be the perfect tourist guide, what she would show them, where they would eat, what they would do – all the possibilities that city had to offer.
She wished she could make it true, she wished she could just take Regina and Henry on a vacation.
Well, technically she could, but Emma knew she was getting way ahead of herself, because Regina would never agree to that.
Once Henry had went to bed Emma had wanted to leave, but Regina had motioned for her to sit down, "A word, Miss Swan?"
And right then the blonde had known she was in trouble and according to the look on the brunette's face it was big trouble, but she took a seat on the couch anyway and waited for the inevitable.
"How come that you stopped living your life?"
The question came out of the blue and hung in the air for a minute before Emma finally made an attempt to answer, "What do you mean?"
"Emma, don't think I am stupid. You've been a party girl all your life...I've heard enough stories about that while your friends were over some weeks ago. And that's perfectly fine...and now you go to San Francisco, a city you claim to love so much...where you have friends...and you spent your time working and then what? Sitting in the hotel room by yourself? Why would you do that?"
Regina's stare had gotten more intense with every word and caused Emma to shrug helplessly, "I guess I wasn't in the mood..."
"You weren't in the mood?" Regina frowned, "What does that even mean?"
"I don't know. I just...I didn't feel like partying...or meeting anyone, okay? I just wanted to..."
"You wanted what?"
Emma shook her head quickly, "Nevermind."
"Oh no! Don't you dare...tell me...what is going on with you?" Regina demanded.
"Why are you so upset?" Emma countered, seemingly confused about the brunette's reaction.
Regina took a deep breath, aware that she had to explain her weird behavior somehow although she was not even sure where her anger was coming from, "Because you are my friend, Emma. And I'm worried about you."
Silence settled between them until Emma decided that it was about time that they had a real conversation about their situation instead of Regina making decisions for all of them, "Can I tell you something without you freaking out on me?"
Regina tensed up immediately, but nodded, "I can't make any promises, but I'll try."
"Fair enough", Emma nodded as well and took a deep breath, "I've travelled quite a bit in my life. With my parents, on my own...I've seen pretty much the whole world and I loved it. I've gotten moved around as a foster kid more times than I can remember...it might not surprise you that I never really called any place 'home'. And I've always been okay with that...even when I bought my penthouse...I never really had a reason to go home, because there was no one waiting for me anyway."
She stopped for a minute, waiting for a reaction from Regina, but the brunette just sat there and listened, so Emma continued, "Until...until I met you and Henry. And when I was in San Francisco this weekend...all I wanted to do was get back here. Come back home and spend time with the two of you...because I've found something that has much more value than some stupid parties...I know this is weird and scary as hell...but it's like...you and Henry...you've become family to me...and I've missed you this weekend."
It took a while for Regina to let the words sink in and a part of her was happy to hear that, but the bigger part of her told her to run, "Emma, you have to know that I'll be forever grateful for what you've done for us. And I admit...we've formed some sort of a family thing...with Henry...for Henry...but you and I...we both know it's only temporary."
"But it doesn't have to be!" Emma insisted.
"How can it not? You are used to this lifestyle...and you'll miss it eventually. What will you tell Ruby...and Mary Margaret...and Belle...and Killian...and Graham...when they want to go out? No, sorry...I'd rather stay home with Regina and her kid? Oh, come on, Emma...be realistic! You'd never do that...and why would you...they are your friends too. They are your family too. And one day you will meet someone...and who would want to share you with a damaged stripper and her kid? No one! So, please...let's end this charade...for Henry's sake...before he gets more attached than he already is...because his heart will break anyway...but it will be even worse if we keep things going like that."
Emma was taken aback by Regina's words, because she knew that Regina was right. Not with everything, but with some of it.
What would she tell her friends? How would they react if she stopped being who she used to be? Not that she minded, because all the partying had started to annoy her long ago, but still. Would they understand or would she lose the few people close to her over this?
But she was not ready to think about that yet.
"And what about you? What if you meet Mister Right at some point?"
Regina glared at her as if the mere idea was the absurdest thing she had ever heard, "Now you're being preposterous. Besides the fact that I don't want a relationship...for a lot of reasons...who would ever want to be with someone like me?"
Me.
Emma needed all her strength and willpower not to say it out loud, because shewould not be able to take it back and because she was well aware that Regina could never handle that revelation. Not today, not tomorrow, not ever.
"You never know what the future holds for you..."
"That's exactly the point, Emma. You don't know either!" Regina slowly got frustrated.
"I don't. But what I do know is...that I want you in my life. You and Henry. And not just temporary...I don't know how all of this will turn out...how all this will go down with my friends and everything...but there is always a way...if you WANT to find one."
Afraid that she had taken it too far Emma got up, because she would leave before things got completely out of control.
"Can you promise me that...no matter what happens...that you'll always be there for Henry? That even if you get to know someone, even if you fall in love and start a new relationship...that you will still find time him? Because kids deserve to be a priority...always. Not only when it's convenient."
Emma locked eyes with Regina to make her see that she was deadly serious, "Don't you think I know that? Wanna guess how many nights I've cried myself to sleep when I was in foster care? How many times I prayed that my parents wouldn't go on another trip once I had gotten adopted? You guess I don't know how it feels when people use you, break your heart and throw you away like garbage? I know how it feels to be abandoned, Regina. Better than you think."
A single tear made its way down Emma's cheek and she wiped it away quickly, "And yes...I promise you...here and now...that I will always...come hell or highwater...be there for Henry. Or you for that matter."
That said Emma stormed off, overwhelmed by the memories of her childhood, of her past and of her broken heart.
The next few days they had not talked much.
It was not that Regina and Emma were avoiding each other, but both of them were confused about their conversation three nights ago.
They managed to play it "cool" in front of Henry for the most part, but both women were aware that they could not fool him.
At least not forever.
But neither of them was ready for another conversation and so they tried to sort things out for themselves first.
The fact that Christmas was only ten days away helped a big deal, because preparations were in order and that turned out to be the perfect distraction for both of them.
Until Regina did not show up for coffee the next morning.
