A/N: Hello everyone,
I know, I know...early update.
But since I'm already done with the chapter I thought I might as well post it. Next one will be up on Saturday though - nothing has changed about that.
I'm aware that a lot of people are sad and upset because of Graham's death, but let me tell you that it was one of the most difficult decisions I've ever had to make - at least fanfiction wise.
I loved him dearly in this story and yes, his loss as left a huge hole...but as I said before - life is unpredictable at times.
And it's not always pretty. I throws you curveballs when you least expect them - sometimes in the cruelest of ways.
But believe me when I say that it's hard for me too...and for Emma...well, see for yourself.
Much love,
raven xo
Ps.: thanks for everyone's patience and support - it's more appreciated than you'll ever know.
TAKE ME TO WONDERLAND
Chapter 18
Emma was kneeling on the floor, numb.
Ruby's words had shattered her world, had shaken her to the very core.
She had heard what Ruby had said, but her brain could not process it.
Her heart was hammering in her chest, adrenaline rushed through her veins and her mind started the process of denial.
No, it had to be a mistake.
It could not be true.
Graham was fine. He had to be.
She needed him.
He was like a brother to her.
He knew.
He was the only one who knew, whom she had confided into.
It had to be some sick, some cruel joke.
Graham.
Her talented friend.
He had been so full of life, of ambition, he had so many plans.
There was no way he could be...
Regina was too overwhelmed to say anything and if she was honest she felt completely helpless.
Emma seemed to be in shock, which was no surprise since Graham had been one of her closest friends and Emma did not handle loss well in general.
And Regina could barely handle the news of the handsome and gentle man's passing herself – how much worse had it to be for Emma.
The one thing Regina knew was that she had to get Emma off the floor, but how?
Emma did not react to anything.
Not to her voice, not to her touch.
She had squeezed her shoulder repeatedly, but had not even gotten a blink in return.
The blonde was completely out, hiding in the safety of her mind, zoned out to stay away from the painful reality for the time being.
But Regina was aware that Emma's walls would crash eventually and that the sadness and the hurt would wash over her sooner or later.
She had to do something.
Regina headed over to the home office in a rush, "Henry, I need your help..."
"I'm coming in a minute...I'm almost done", her son replied without looking away from the computer.
"Henry..." Regina started again and the desperate sound in her voice made him lock gazes with her in the end, "I need your help...now."
Regina and Henry had taken Emma's hands and had pulled till the blonde had finally gotten up, still completely lost to her surroundings.
She did not notice the worried expression on Regina's or Henry's face, did not realize that her phone was ringing again.
"Henry, can you lead Emma over to the couch...I have to answer this. I'll be there in a minute", Regina asked quickly and took the cell phone without waiting for her son's reply.
She would never answer someone elses phone without permission, but today was an exception, especially since the caller was Ruby.
Again.
"Ruby?"
"How is she?" Ruby sounded almost hysterical.
"I honestly don't know...she's definitely in shock", Regina needed all her willpower not to freak out herself.
"Call Whale...better if he checks on her...because of her panic attacks and everything."
"Will do." Regina could not say more.
"I'll try to come over as soon as I can...I'm at Killian's right now..."
Regina cringed at the mention of her new boss and friend, "How is he holding up?"
"Not good. He is devastated...they might not have been a couple anymore, but they still cared a great deal about each other...this is a disaster..." Ruby answered and started to cry.
"I'm so sorry..." Regina did not know what else to say.
"Listen...I'm waiting for Belle, because she'll stay with Killian tonight and then I'm coming over..."
"Take all the time you need."
Regina had called Doctor Whale the second Ruby had hung up and had explained to him that they had some sort of emergency and as soon as he had heard the news he had promised to come over as soon as he could.
She glanced at the couch where Emma was sitting, staring out of the window, all emotions stripped from her face.
Henry had instinctively wrapped a blanket around Emma's shoulders and was sitting next to her, confused about why Emma was acting so strange.
Regina sighed at the realization – she had to tell her son.
Henry was standing next to his mother with growing worry while Regina made some camomile tea for Emma. She had motioned for him to come over to the kitchen counter when he had finally looked away from Emma, but now Regina did not know what to say.
"Mom, what's wrong? Emma is acting weird and you look like you're about to cry...what happened? It's something bad, right?"
All Regina could do was nod, but then she knelt to be on his eye level.
There was no running away from this.
"Henry", she whispered, because she did not want to startle Emma although she was sure that the blonde paid them no attention in this moment, "Graham has passed away."
Henry's eyes grew wide at the realization.
How was that possible?
"I don't understand...he was fine on Sunday..." he dropped his head, shifting with his feet.
"I know, sweetheart. I'm so sorry..." Regina pulled her son into her arms and held him tight.
"Is that why Emma is acting so weird" he watched his mother expectantly, "Like...like a zombie?"
Regina nodded, "She is in a lot of pain right now, but Doctor Whale is on his way to check on her..."
"Will she be okay?"
"I don't know, baby...I sure hope so."
"Me too."
Silence fell over them, giving them time to process, but then Henry whispered, "Why did he die? I don't understand."
He looked so confused and helpless in this moment and Regina's heart ached for her son.
Neither of them had expected this, neither of them had been prepared for this.
But that was the thing with life, was it not?
It was unpredictable.
"I don't know, honey...there can be a lot of reasons for someone to die...because they are sick or they have an accident...but sometimes people also die for no reason. Their heart just stops..." Regina tried to explain, leaving the more cruel options like suicide and murder out, because she did not want to upset her son even more.
"That's not fair!" Henry protested loudly and Regina was afraid that he might have startled Emma, but the blonde did not move an inch. She just sat there and kept staring out of the window.
"No, Henry...it's not fair. Remember what I told you about life? Sometimes it is beautiful and sometimes it is cruel. Sometimes cruel things, bad things happen...but the good things that we experience make it bearable", Regina tried to give him a smile, but failed miserably. She was too overwhelmed, too sad and too worried.
Henry nodded anyway, "I really liked Graham..."
"I know, sweetheart...I know. I liked him too."
Henry had darted off to the guest room only a second later – to read into his fairytale book and Regina had not dared to stop him, because she knew that it was his way of coping with things.
She would check on him in a bit.
But first she would try to get Emma out of her stupor, because the motionless state the blonde was in scared Regina more and more.
She took the mug of tea and went over to the couch, waiting for a reaction from Emma, that did not come, so she sat down and put the mug into Emma's hands, careful not to spill any of the hot liquid.
Nothing happened for a while, but at some point Regina registered that the grip of Emma's hands on the mug became firmer and although it was just the smallest reaction Regina sighed out of relief.
To her own surprise she wanted nothing more than to shake Emma "awake", to get Emma to talk to her, but Regina was aware that she could not do that.
It would probably send Emma straight into a panic attack and she could not risk that, but seeing Emma in her current state had her completely on edge.
Emma felt the warmth seeping from the mug right into her body, into her soul and she tightened her hold on it as if it were a lifeline, as if her sanity would depend on it.
She felt Regina's hand on her arm, felt her worried gaze on her face, but there was nothing to say.
Her mind was blank, her heart was empty as if somebody had wiped all her feelings away in one swift move and left was nothing, but a hollow shell.
This had to be a nightmare, a misunderstanding.
But Ruby's words were clanging in her head over and over and although she tried to fight it with all her might realization, reality was slowly winning the battle against the protection mechanism of her heart and soul.
Graham was dead.
But how could he be?
How could he leave her when she needed him the most?
"Tell me it's just a bad dream."
It was just a whisper and yet Regina could not overhear the desperate sound, the desperate words.
She took Emma's hands in hers, squeezing them gently and Emma finally met her eyes, but Regina could barely hold her gaze.
The usually sparkling eyes were pleading, begging for someone to tell them it had all been just a mistake and Regina's heart broke for Emma.
Gone was all life, all joy from emerald eyes and left was nothing, but pain and despair.
All that shone in Emma's eyes now was sadness, emptiness.
"I'm so sorry, Emma."
Regina knew her words had sealed Emma's fate, had destroyed the last sparkle of hope when Emma moved her hands out of her hold, just do lay down on the couch, eyes closed, curled up into a ball without another word.
There had been a knock on the door only a few minutes later, but to Regina's surprise it had not been Doctor Whale, but Mary Margaret and David.
"What can we do?" David asked carefully, while Mary Margaret just stood there, her eyes blood shot and swollen. She must have been crying heavily.
"Could you check in on Henry? The news hit him quite hard..." Regina sighed and David nodded in understanding, "Of course."
"I'll make some tea for Mary Margaret in the meantime."
A small smile appeared on David's face, "Thank you, Regina."
That said he headed for the guest room and Regina led Mary Margaret over to the kitchen counter and started to heat some water.
"How is Emma holding up?" Mary Margaret asked, her voice raw from crying.
"It's pretty bad...it's like she would have disappeared", Regina answered with a heavy sigh, "Doctor Whale should arrive any minute...to check on her."
"Good", Mary Margaret whispered, "I can't believe he didn't tell us."
That got Regina's attention, "What do you mean?"
"His...his heart..." the pixie haired woman began to sob, "His heart was...failing...and...and he knew it."
Regina's eyes went wide at that, she could not believe what she was hearing, "He knew?"
A nod was all she got for a while, but then Mary Margaret added, "The doctors were not very optimistic that they...would find a matching donor...in time...since Graham's blood type is...rare...I can't believe he is gone..."
Heavy sobs escaped Mary Margaret's lips after her short explanation, but a knock on the door made her pull herself back together within seconds.
Whale rushed into the penthouse murmuring a quick 'Hello' into Regina's and Mary Margaret's direction, but headed for the couch to check on Emma right away, not even bothering to look at the two other women in the room.
He sat down next to Emma's lying form, talking to her in the calmest tone he could manage, but without any success.
The blonde did not answer, too far gone in her own world once again.
Whale checked her pulse, breathing and heartbeat and prepared some injection to keep her circulatory stable when Regina appeared next to him, "Is she okay?"
"Well, she suffered a shock...so you have to keep a close eye on her tonight...but I'll give her a light sedative later...for now we have to keep her circulatory stable and going", he explained and Regina nodded, "Do you need anything? Can I get you something to drink?"
"Coffee would be nice."
Once Whale had made sure that Emma was "fine" he had checked on Mary Margaret, because she had been awfully pale and shaky and he had given her some of his 'circulatory boost' as well.
He did not want to risk someone passing out or anything, because that would add only more stress to the already tense situation in the penthouse.
David had returned from the guest room about half an hour later, telling Regina that Henry was okay so far, considering the circumstances, much to the brunette's relief.
That was when Emma got up all of a sudden, looking from one worried face to the next, seeing the sad and cruel truth in everyone's eyes.
Graham was dead.
"Is it true?" she met Whale's gaze, "Did he know?"
Whale watched her in confusion, "Did who know what, Emma?"
"Graham", she answered simply, "Did he know that he was dying?"
Mary Margaret cringed at the question. She had not been aware that Emma had heard her and Regina talk and her eyes wandered over to said brunette, who looked equally worried and pale.
The doctor hesitated to answer for a minute, debating whether he should tell Emma the truth or not, but obviously she had heard it already.
Of course he had called one of his colleagues at the hospital to get some details and had been shocked himself over the information he had received.
Graham had known for a while that his chances for survival were practically zero, but obviously he had told no one.
Not even his closest friends.
"Victor?" Emma growled, "Just tell me."
Everyone in the room held their breath and the doctor finally nodded, "Yes, Emma. He knew. He knew for a while."
Silence followed Whale's statement – nobody dared to say a word or move, afraid that Emma would freak out at the tiniest of sounds.
But nothing happened.
Till Emma looked straight at her worried friends, "You can go home now...all of you. Thanks for your concern...but as you can see I'm good...so you might as well leave."
"Emma", Mary Margaret pleaded, "You are not okay..."
"Just go. I'll be fine."
That said Emma returned to the couch, not able to keep the coldness out of her heart any longer.
She felt betrayed.
God, she felt so betrayed.
How could Graham do this to her?
How had he been able to look her straight in the eyes, make plans for a future he knew he would not have?
How could he have taken her chance of saying 'Good bye' away from her?
Regina's heart broke at the sight of Emma sitting on the couch with hanging shoulders, disappointed and shaken to the core and she knew exactly what Emma was trying to do.
The blonde tried to shut down, tried to lock her feelings away, but Regina also knew that it could only lead to even more heartache.
Hell, she was an expert when it came to a certain pain that made it unable for one to breathe.
Emma had to mourn, needed to mourn the loss of her friend or she would not be able to deal with it. It would haunt her in the worst ways if Emma would not find a way to face this situation, if she would not be able to get over her anger, because Graham had kept this from her.
She could understand how upset Emma had to be, but Graham must have had a reason for his decision to withhold this information from his friends, even if it made no sense right now.
Whale had offered Emma to give her a light sedative, but she had completely ignored him and his suggestion and so he had left, telling Regina to call him immediately if Emma would get worked up or anything.
David and Mary Margaret had left right after Whale and Regina had checked on Henry, who had fallen asleep – his fairytale book in hand.
A sad smile appeared on her face when she watched her sleeping son, aware that this was taking a huge toll on him as well.
He had never lost anyone before.
Regina did not know what to do, how to help Emma, so she just sat down next to her, eyeing her closely.
She wished Emma would say something, anything really, because the heavy silence in the room was choking her.
It was almost unbearable.
But Emma remained quiet.
She just stared out of the window, stared into the darkness as if she wanted to drown in it.
She probably did.
And while Emma got more and more lost in her pain Regina closed her eyes and tried to clear her own head, to make sense out of this disastrous situation.
Her meeting with Graham.
The gazebo.
He had made sure that Emma would be taken care of once he would...
Oh God.
The bare thought brought tears to Regina's eyes.
He had said "When I am gone".
He had said when instead of while.
She had wondered about it, but had not thought anything of it.
She should have seen it coming, she should have known.
And then what?
Would she have told Emma?
Could she have told Emma if she would have figured out something was wrong?
Regina did not know and she was too overwhelmed by her emotions to think straight.
It was all too much.
Everyone was devastated and Emma was...well, she did not know what exactly Emma felt, but it was bad.
And she was not used to having friends, to being there for someone else than Henry, but now that Emma had become this important part of her life, now that practically all of the blonde's friends had become a part of her life as well, she was put to the test.
She had to be strong for them, she had to be there for them, because that was what friends did, right?
How she should manage to do that was beyond Regina though, because in this moment the weight of the situation was burdening her in a way that made her feel like falling apart.
It was all too much.
Thank God Ruby had shown up not too much later and Regina had been so relieved, because she had felt like crying a whole damn waterfall and yet she had swallowed her tears, afraid that such an outburst would provoke Emma since the blonde obviously had not shed a single tear over the death of her friend yet.
Ruby had pulled Emma into her arms without a word and for a moment the blonde had relaxed into the embrace and Regina had thought that would be the moment Emma would finally break, would finally cry.
But she had been wrong, because Emma had pulled back and away only a second later, her composure already regained while Ruby had watched her in confusion, but Emma had ignored the worried expression on the leggy brunette's face and Regina had understood nothing anymore.
She had expected Emma to fall apart, to seek Ruby's comfort and for a moment it had looked like that would be exactly what would be happening, but then Emma had returned to being this emotionless shell.
Nothing made sense, absolutely nothing.
At least Ruby had managed to talk Emma into going to bed some when around three in the morning and that had left Regina alone on the couch since Ruby had told her she would stay with Emma.
First Regina had thought about sleeping in the guest room with her son, but in the end she had decided to stay right where she was, because she needed some time for herself.
She was completely overwhelmed and not sure if she could handle it.
Emma seemed so distant, so lost and it hurt so much to watch her like that.
Regina had thought that Ruby's arrival would "do the trick", would help Emma, but it had not done much.
Why was still a mystery to her.
Because Regina knew for a fact that Emma always craved comfort when she was sad or upset, but that was the problem.
Regina herself was not able to do much, except for holding Emma's hand, although she had thought about hugging Emma, but had not dared to in the end.
The only person she had ever allowed to get that close to her since all that shit with Daniel had happened was Henry.
And no one else.
While she had considered hugging Emma, Regina had feared that she would probably overreact, that she would freak out at some point and that would have caused Emma only more hurt.
And if Emma did not need one thing then it was more pain.
Not right now.
Not ever.
It made Regina sad though, it made her sad that her issues, her past was dictating her life.
That she could not get over her experiences, over herself.
That she could not be there for Emma like a friend usually would.
This was all so messed up.
Why had Emma frozen Ruby out?
What was going on in Emma's head?
Would it tear them apart?
Regina woke up around seven, because Ruby and Emma were arguing in the open kitchen.
What the hell was going on?
She got up and made it over to them quickly and Ruby stared at her, obviously expecting her support on the topic while Regina still had no idea what this was all about.
"Emma, you can't be serious..." Ruby snapped, "You can't act like nothing happened..."
"I wasn't aware that I needed your permission. But tell me, Ruby...what is it that I can and cannot do in your opinion", Emma growled back and Regina knew that it would be stupid to get involved in this, so she headed for the coffee machine and turned it on.
But Ruby did not even think about letting her get away, "Regina, tell Emma that she can't go to work. This isn't normal...she has not even shed a tear over Graham's death...she can't be for real...tell her that."
Emma's eyes locked on Regina's instantly, daring her to stop her, but Regina decided that she would not provoke her. There was no point in it.
"Well, everyone mourns in their own way...I think if Emma wants to go to work, she probably should...because..."
"See", Emma interrupted and grabbed her car keys, ready to leave.
Ruby raised her hands in the air in exasperation and yelled, "Has everyone gone mad?!"
That was when Emma got into her personal space, anger shining in her eyes, combined with nothing, but disappointment, "You know what, Ruby? I don't care what you think...I don't care what you say...I don't care about anything anymore...and you know why? Because I've realized that there is no point in having friends...when they don't even tell you that they are dying! When they lie to you, straight in the face, talking about future plans...when they know full well that they won't be here to see any of it...when you don't mean enough to them...that they would actually tell you what is going on...when they won't even give you a chance to say good bye...I trusted Graham...I trusted him with so much...he knew...and he wouldn't tell me...he just left like everyone else...but this time I won't cry, I won't let this bring me down...because a friend would have never done this to me."
And with that Emma stormed out of the penthouse, leaving Ruby and Regina behind, not caring that she had shocked them to the core with the very words she had said only mere seconds ago.
Nobody had said a word during breakfast, not even Henry, who had woken up from the noise in the kitchen.
Regina had allowed him to stay home from school and he had been glad.
He wanted to spend the day with his mother, because he felt a certain fear that came with losing a person one cared about.
And now he was afraid he would lose someone else as well and that was a thought Henry could not wrap his head around just yet.
Ruby had went to check on Belle and Killian without saying another word, Emma's outburst had hit her a lot harder than she would ever admit, but Regina had seen right through her, especially since she felt it too.
But she could understand Emma.
She got where the blonde was coming from.
Why had Graham let her walk into this without notice, completely unprepared?
On the other hand – would it have been easier for his friends if they had known?
She doubted it.
Emma clearly did not see that, she was simply overwhelmed with pain and the feeling of betrayal.
The blonde could not deal with loss very well and Regina assumed that everyone knew that, so why had Graham not told her?
Especially since Emma and Graham had seemed pretty close lately, so close that Regina had thought they would probably share a secret, but after the latest revelations she was not sure about that anymore.
And now Emma doubted everything.
Doubted her friends, doubted that she could trust anyone and Regina felt a sting in her own heart.
Things were truly falling apart, but she was nowhere near ready to lose what she had with Emma.
Her friendship with the blonde, as unconventional at it was, was nothing she was willing to give up.
Not today, not tomorrow.
Not ever.
Henry had been awfully quiet all day.
Her usually perky son had followed her every step and Regina was concerned that the whole situation would be too much for him, but in the afternoon she had finally succeeded in getting him to talk about his feelings and fears and he had admitted that he was scared to lose his mom.
And Emma.
The mention of the blonde's name alone had brought the tears back to Regina's eyes, but she had swallowed them once again, aware if she were to cry Henry would get even more upset.
Regina had tried her best to explain to Henry that Graham had been very sick.
She told him that while people died a part of them would stay alive in the hearts of their friends and family forever.
That thought had calmed Henry down in the end and he had hugged Regina tight, which had brought her back to Emma once again.
How would she be holding up?
Killian was not doing well – that much she knew.
Regina had called him around lunch time and he had sounded absolutely heartbroken, shattered. She had even heard him cry and that had made Regina see once more what a huge loss Emma and her friends had suffered.
Graham had been an outstanding man.
He would never be forgotten.
Emma had come home late, a stack of files in hand, but Regina had not said a word about it.
She had decided to leave Emma alone when it came to work – at least for the time being.
Henry had been so glad to see her, but she had went straight for the couch to lay down and stare out of the window once more, much to Regina's concern.
But then, all of a sudden, Henry had made it over to the couch as well, had laid down right next to Emma, facing her and had wrapped his right hand around her waist and the blonde had scooted closer to him immediately, putting her own arm over his little form protectively.
"It's okay, Emma. I'm sad too."
Henry's voice had been only a whisper, but Regina had heard his words anyway and had stormed off to the bathroom before somebody could have stopped her.
And there she was sitting now, leaning against the wall, knees pulled against her chest, crying and sobbing, because she could not bear the situation anymore.
It pained her to see Emma like this, pained her to see her son like this and she had no idea how to make this better for them.
She felt so unbelievably helpless, caught in this situation without a way out, because she did not trust herself enough to do what she thought would be the best.
For a second she had been tempted to sit down next to Emma and Henry, to reach out, to pull them both into her arms, but she had ran before she could have moved a finger.
She was too scared that she might not be able to handle it, that holding Emma in her arms would trigger some of her worst memories and the bare possibility had her on the edge in less than a second.
And now she was sitting on the bathroom floor, crying and hurting, because she missed Graham as well.
She might not have known him for long, but Regina knew he had been one of the good guys.
He had been nothing, but kind to her.
Like Emma.
And she was crying, because her family was falling apart and there was nothing she could do about it, because she could not get over herself.
She had reached the limit, the line where she would have to leave her comfort zone, but she did not dare to cross it.
She was too scared, she was too much of a coward.
And she hated herself for it.
If only Graham would be here.
He would wrap Emma up in his strong arms, would hold her tight and he would make the world better for Emma.
And with that he would make the world better for all of them.
But Graham was gone.
And he would not come back.
By the time Regina had calmed down and had returned to the living room Emma and Henry had been sound asleep, so she had sneaked off into the guest room and had stretched out on the bed, exhausted to the bone.
And she had drifted off into a restless sleep full of nightmares about losing the two people closest to her.
Regina was preparing breakfast the next morning, still struggling with the memories of her nightmares from last night, while Henry and Emma were watching cartoons.
Well, Henry watched them, Emma just stared at the screen like she used to stare out of the window the nights prior.
A knock on the door announced Ruby's arrival and Regina was glad to see the costume designer, in hope that Ruby would get a reaction out of Emma today.
But of course they had no such luck, because as soon as Ruby started to talk about Graham's funeral, which he had all planned out before his death, Emma told her to leave.
Ruby gave her an incredulous look, but Emma would not even blink, so she sighed and took off without another word.
Emma clearly wanted to push everyone away and there was no point in forcing anything on her at the moment.
And Ruby was too hurt by the blonde's behavior to stay anyway.
Mary Margaret had called Regina about half an hour later and had asked if they could come by to pick up Henry for a walk and Regina had agreed right away.
Some fresh air would do him some good even though she was not happy about leaving him out of her sight.
But when Henry had beamed at the news she had known that she had made the right decision and so she had told him to shower quickly while she had headed to her own apartment to take a quick shower and get a fresh set of clothes as well before she would go back to Emma's.
She would not leave Emma alone – if she appreciated it or not.
She had met David, Mary Margaret and Henry in the corridor when she was on her way back to Emma's penthouse and they were on the way over to her apartment.
Mary Margaret had told her that the mail man had delivered something for Emma in her absence and that the blonde had been confused about said delivery, because she had not ordered anything and Regina had made a mental note to check on that.
David, who had to use a cane for walking, at least for the time being, promised that they would bring Henry back at six and that they would call if they would be late and so Regina had let them leave.
And then she had returned to the penthouse, just to stop dead in her tracks at the sight that greeted her there.
Emma was standing in front of the dining room, staring at a framed photograph, her hands shaking like a leaf.
What the hell was that?
But once Regina got closer she realized that it was a photo of Emma, Henry and her.
And that was when she remembered.
Graham must have taken it when Regina had first met Emma's friends.
He had shot countless photos that night, most of them unnoticed.
She stared at the picture, recognizing the bright colors of the city lights in the background, but what really caught her eye was the position they were in.
Emma was standing on the left, Regina on the right and Henry in the middle.
He was looking up at the two of them and while Emma and her both had been looking into the night sky they were facing each other. At least a little.
She could remember that moment perfectly, because Emma had pointed at some stellar constellation in the distance only a second before that and while they had tried to focus on said constellation they had yet ended up taking a glimpse at each other.
And Graham had caught that with his camera.
This very special moment in time, a moment that had taken Regina's breath away.
She felt like she would be paralyzed, but then Emma made a step backwards, opening her palm and Regina saw the white card in Emma's trembling hand.
She hesitated for a moment, but when Emma reached out to give it to her Regina took it and read what it held.
It was just one line, but that line was enough to send a shiver down her spine.
~We often focus too much on looking forward, on looking in the same direction when we really should look at each other.~
Graham
And when Regina looked up from the card she instantly caught sight of Emma's eyes.
Locking gazes Regina saw all the hurt in the usually kind and joyful orbs, saw how lost and desperate Emma was and it was exactly in that moment that she realized that she had to do something.
Standing by Emma's side would not be enough, could not be enough.
Emma needed someone, who could be strong for her during this horribly painful time.
And she wanted to be that someone for Emma.
Not only because Emma had fought for her when nobody else cared, not only because Emma had believed in her when nobody else had, but because they were friends.
Because they were family.
And because Regina finally realized that what they had was not just unconventional, but unique.
They had a certain understanding for one another, for each others fears and issues.
They had found something in each other after everything they had been through, after their trust in humanity had been shaken badly.
This was were she was supposed to jump, this was were she had to risk it, because she had never felt safer than with Emma Swan.
Encouraged by that thought Regina pulled Emma into her arms to hold her close, to give her warmth and comfort, to show her that she was not alone, to make her feel that they had each other.
And the moment Emma's head rested against her neck Regina realized that she had made the right decision.
It was also the moment Emma's first tear fell.
