A/N: Hello everyone!

Oh my God, I am so very sorry for my long absence. I have no words.

I missed working on my fics so much...you have no idea.

Real life got batshit crazy, but well...that is how it is sometimes.

Back to the SQ universe now though and I'm so happy I could hug the whole world. Missed my girls.

I will update all my stories in the next few days, just notice that the pace will slow a bit...I'd say one update a week for each story is realistic.

I have a lot on my plate right now so if I can't make it – please don't hate me.

As you know...besides work there are 4 dogs in this household and I've started training since I registered as a cyclist for Aids/Life Cycle 2015.

Means cycling for 545 miles in 7 days – San Francisco to Los Angeles.

So I better get in shape.

That said there's just one more thing to say...well, actually two.

This is a filler-ish chapter – kind of – and it's a bit shorter, but the next one will be much longer.

And last, but not least...thanks for all the lovely reviews and messages, thanks to everyone who checked on me via PM...thanks for all the love and support. You are truly amazing people and I love you all.

Thanks to everyone who is still interested in this story – it means so much.

And now enjoy the new chapter!

Much love to all of you,

R.


TAKE ME TO WONDERLAND

Chapter 19

Emma was clinging to Regina's body as if it would be her lifeline, her head resting on the brunette's shoulder while heavy sobs escaped her lips.

She sunk more into the embrace with every second, enjoying the warmth of Regina's body, soaking in the comfort it provided.

It was the first time since the life shattering news of Graham's death that Emma felt the coldness that had sept into her very core disappear.

It was the first time since she had learned about Graham's death that she felt that she could breathe again.

Her mind had been restless since that godforsaken phone call, her heart in despair and no matter what she had tried to distract herself, to calm herself – it had not worked.

But in Regina's arms she finally found the peace she so desperately needed.


Regina was so overwhelmed by the feeling of holding Emma in her arms – it took her breath away.

She felt safe.

So unbelievably safe.

Although she was the protective part at the moment.

For a second she had thought she would tense – when Emma had wrapped her arms around her waist – but as soon as Emma had melted into her, as soon as the blonde's forehead had found its resting place on her shoulder they had become "one".

Regina did not know how else to describe it.

All she knew was that it felt surprisingly well.

It was then that she realized that not only Emma had needed the comfort, but she had as well.

Hell, she had needed a shoulder to lean on forever.

And now she had finally found it.

She had found it in Emma.

She had found so much more in Emma.

And Regina was aware that – if she wanted to keep what she had with Emma – she had to give onehundred percent.

At all times.

Probably even onehundred and ten.

But onehundred definitely.

Not ninty five, not ninty nine, but onehundred.

Always.

From now on.

Emma deserved that.


They had stood in the living room for a long while that night, holding on to each other, but the emotional turmoil of the last days had gotten the best of Emma eventually.

She had been too exhausted to make it to her bedroom, so Regina had led her straight to the couch, where Emma had collapsed immediately and had drifted off into a dreamless sleep within mere seconds.

Regina had sat next to her for a while, but once she had been sure that Emma was really out like a light and would not wake up anytime soon she had went to the guestroom to get some sleep as well, leaving the door ajar just in case, because she wanted to be there for Emma in case the blonde would suffer a nightmare or something.

Of course falling asleep had not been easy for Regina although she was quite worn out herself, but the recent events had her mind squirming.

She had hugged Emma.

She had hugged Emma and it had felt nice.

Hell, whom was she kidding.

It had felt amazing.


Regina had talked to Killian the next morning, asking if he wanted her to go to work, but he had told her that she should stay with Emma, that he would not go to work either till after the funeral and she had been relieved, because she was not sure if she could have left Emma alone.

She was too worried for the blonde, too concerned to even consider leaving her side.

At least she had gotten Emma to eat something – even if it had not been much.

It had been better than nothing.

They had spent all day sitting on the couch, holding each other's hand, barely talking.

But it had been enough.

The fact that they were there for each other, that they were in this together was what they needed to stay calm, what grounded them, what made it easier to deal with the whole situation.


Henry was allowed to stay home from school the next day to attend Graham's funeral, but the second they arrived in front of the graveyard Regina partly regretted it.

She doubted her decision the minute she caught sight of some photographers and journalists who tried to make a spectacle out of this difficult time for Emma and her friends, simply because they belonged to the city's finest.

Regina tried to shield Henry from view, not wanting to see him on the cover of some shady newspaper tomorrow when David appeared next to her and led them out of sight.

Thankfully there was security that prevented all these noisey people from entering the graveyard, giving the funeral guests at least some privacy.

Regina watched Emma and Ruby talk for a bit, much to her relief, because she was aware that the blonde needed her best friend now more than ever and seeing them fight or rather Emma pushing Ruby away had pained her a lot, but obviously they had gotten over it if their embrace was any indication to go by.

When Killian arrived he hugged them both and while Regina was glad that Emma had her closest friends there she did not know where she fit in, because she might be Emma's friend and she had hugged her at home, but clearly she would not do that in public.

Especially not with the press around.

As much as she wanted to be there for Emma she could not do that right now.

Not with all eyes on her, not when she felt like she would be interrupting something anyway.

Their whole friendship had always been kind of private, even though she had gotten used to hang out with Emma's friends at times, but their bonding moments had always happened when they had been alone.

And while Regina could have imagined to just walk over to Emma and take her hand in front of her friends, she could not do it with all these strangers around, not to forget about the media.

It would arise a lot of questions she was not ready to face today.

Because somebody would want to know who she was and what should she answer?

The truth?

What truth?

That she was some stripper saved by a millionaire and now they were a family with her almost 10 year old son?

Regina frowned slightly.

God, how pathetic that sounded, how "Pretty Woman".

Just worse.

And people clearly would assume that she was with Emma for the money, that she was with Emma...

No.

No way she would allow that.

Not only because it was not true, but she could imagine what people would think about her. What people would think about Emma.

No.

This could not happen.

But then Regina caught sight of the lost look in Emma's eyes and her heart clenched.

God, this whole situation was so damn complicated, it drove her nuts.

"Mom, I think we should go over and be with Emma...she needs you. She needs us."

Henry's words had her out of her thoughts within a second and she shook her head vehemently, "We can't, Henry..."

"But we are her family!"

Her son was upset and Regina knew it, but really. What could she possibly do?

Before she could make a decision though Henry made one for her by simply bolting off – right into Emma's arms.

Regina sighed heavily.

While she wished she could be more like her son at times – braver, more carefree, innocent – she dreaded the day it would get him into trouble.

Because it would eventually.

The clearing of a throat made her turn around and she looked straight into Mary Margaret's eyes.

What a surprise.

She had not expected her.

"Just so you know...you could go over there if you wanted to."

To say Regina was startled was an understatement, "I..."

"It's okay, Regina. I get that you are uncomfortable...especially with so many people around...nobody expects anything from you. Just know you could...if you wanted to. And if you worry about the press outside...well, we'd take care of them."

Before Regina could say anything in response the pixie haired woman was already heading back to her fiance.

She hesitated.

Should she really...could she?

But then Regina looked into Emma's direction again and when their eyes met she had her answer.

She could. She had to.


Emma had clutched her hand during the whole service, never letting go and after a moment Regina had eased into it, had managed to shove her fears and doubts aside, which had been a lot easier than she had expected, simply because holding Emma's hand had felt so right.

It had from the very first moment weeks ago and even now that they were on display Regina did not mind – much to her own surprise.

Yes, this was real progress.

It meant that she trusted Emma, that she was comfortable with her around even in public.

This was a completely new experience for the brunette and if it had happened on a different occasion Regina would have shown the world her smile.


True to her word Mary Margaret and David had left the graveyard before the others, gaining the media's attention by answering questions about Graham's death, careful not to tell too much, but quite enough to satisfy the annoying reporters that could not even give them privacy on a day like this.

At least it gave Killian enough time to send Leroy to the back entrance and made it possible for Regina, Emma and Henry to leave unnoticed – the two women still holding hands.


Everyone ended up at Emma's penthouse after a rather beautiful service for Graham, but the blonde was awfully quiet.

Deciding not to push her the others continued to talk about their favorite memories with the talented photographer, but when Killian mentioned Graham's Last Will Emma shot up and stormed out of the apartment, not ready to face that topic yet.

She could not take more.

She had been strong during the funeral, but she could not hold the facade up any longer.

She was broken, shattered even, she could barely hang on.

Graham was gone, but that did not mean that she could deal with it.

It did not mean that she did not need him anymore, because the truth was she needed him more than ever.

And since he had planned everything carefully Emma was sure it would be no different with his Last Will.

She did not even want to know what it held.

Too big was the betrayal, too painful was the loss.


There was an uncomfortable silence in the penthouse since Emma left.

Nobody dared to say another word, scared that somebody else would jump up and run.

It was Ruby, who spoke up in the end, "Maybe somebody should...should go and look for Em. Check if she's okay..."

"If I had a clue where she is I'd go", Killian answered with a sigh.

"Yeah, me too...but I guess it's safe to say nobody has gotten the slightest idea", Belle added with sad eyes.

And yet it did not surprise anyone when Regina stood up, ready to leave, "I might."