Wishing Upon a Star
Silence beckoned in the night, and the loud sizzling of EZ Beef on the iron skillet seemed almost obnoxious as the Aldecaldos sat in exhaustion preparing to end the day. The sky seemed as if it had every star it possessed on display tonight, each one shimmering and shining brighter the longer you stared. There was about nine or so fires going, each containing a tiny clique of Aldecaldos circled around it as they heated up whatever they could scrounge up for dinner. The fire heating Judy's skillet crackled as she unfolded four maroon chairs around it, dusting off any excess dirt they had accumulated from sitting in the bed of Panam's Thorton truck. It had been a tiring week for Judy ever since they left the outskirts of Night City for brighter horizons, and if she was being completely honest, she was still unsure sometimes whether she made the right choice in doing so.
After giving the EZ Beef sauté she put together a quick stir with a metal ladle she found in the community bin earlier, Judy walked over to the cooler to grab a few beverages to pair with supper. The group needed to replenish their beer stash, as the cooler only contained sugary drinks and water now. After taking four NiCola cans from the icy chest, she glanced over at V who was still fiddling around with their tent in the attempt of getting it set up before they grubbed on dinner. Struggling with the two awkwardly long poles she always had a clumsy time with, she caught Judy in the corner of her eye staring at her. V beamed that warm smile that made Judy feel safe, that smile that reminded her of the reason why she decided to leave with the Aldecaldos, and begin a new life with the gonkbrain she came to love. I know I made the right choice…right? Quickly placing the cans of cold liquid into the cupholder portions of the foldable chairs, Judy made her way over to V and grabbed the other side of the thin metal pole she was having a hard time with.
"Val, why don't you just ask me for help setting up the tent? I see you struggle with this same damn pole every night, you can be such a gonk sometimes."
"Gah you think I'm a gonk all the time. And since I can't cook for the life of me, I figured I should at least be able to set up our humble abode. What kind of output would I look like if I made you do both? And besides, you and I both know I've undergone more difficult trials than setting up a tent ya know."
"Just stop talking and let me help you so we can have dinner already. Panam and Mitch said they'd like to join our campfire tonight so I made double the amount of food I usually make."
Honestly, the normal portions she made were a lot for her and V to stomach, especially since Judy had sort of lost her appetite these days. Because of what you ask? Honestly, even Judy didn't know, she just never felt compelled to eat much anymore.
"Oh Panam and Mitch will be joining us? Unfortunate, I was thinking that maybe…no it's alright actually, it can wait. Panam and Mitch will most likely wanna talk biz anyhow, bout where we're goin' next."
Curiosity flooded Judy as her and V laced the poles through the army green material. Wait what did V have in mind? Now the tent was actually standing up, and looking like a tent as opposed to a pile of nylon and metal sticks.
"Wait, what was it you wanted to do exactly?"
"Nah it's nothin' Judes, just had something different in mind for dinner but it's alright."
Putting the last pole into place, the tent was now all set and ready to go, they'd roll out their sleeping bags and blankets later.
"See how fast that was Val? Let me help you with the tent from now on so it gets done quicker. Trust me, you're not a bad output for asking me for a helping hand. Actually, I want you to ask me for help and rely on me a bit more. I really don't mind, don't worry."
"Judy Alvarez, you're too good for this world."
V gently grabbed Judy towards her and positioned her so that she hugged her tightly from behind, arms wrapped around her small waist. V planted a kiss on her cheek, and in response, Judy tilted her head back and gave V a smirk, proceeding to kiss her on the lips subtly. The world seemed to stop as their lips met, like the world was now running on their time. Anytime the two touched, it was like fire and ice. One burned away at the other, resulting in a sensation that felt like immense heat dancing atop a glacier. They both had never felt this way with anyone, and they enjoyed every bit of affection they had for each other. Every night since they left the city they made passionate love to each other, keeping quiet of course so as not to wake the others…well, as quiet as they could be. Every time it ended with a wide-awake, contemplating Judy in the arms of a sleeping and unconscious V. This was when Judy's thoughts were the most dangerous, was when she pondered on all the bad things that could happen in the next 6 months. Sometimes she'd cry softly at the thought of losing V while wrapped in her arms, and dealing with oceans of sorrow when the time would come. She wanted so badly to express her worries to V, but she told herself it would just stress V out even more if she knew.
Judy pulled back her lips from V's and stared into those eyes that she could get lost in for all eternity, such a beautiful pair of eyes. Suddenly she felt sadness shadow over her. But how could I get lost in her for all eternity when she only has 6 months left? No! We'll find a solution, we'll find-
"Judy what's wrong? Are you zoning out?"
"Huh? Oh, I…um…"
Maybe she should just spit it out already.
"V I need to-"
Judy and V are startled as Mitch's shout pops the bubble the two had seemingly created together in that moment.
"Hey! The food's gettin' cold while you two are over there starin' at each other like you don't already see each other everyday!"
Panam whacks Mitch on the arm after his remark.
"Mitch! Those two were talking and you rudely interrupted them! I oughta make you sleep on the cold desert floor tonight for that!"
"Oh Panam relax, you know I just like teasing the youth. But really this EZ Beef sauté is one of the best I've had, they need to get their asses over here and enjoy it while it's hot. That Judy knows how to whip up some grub."
V lets go of Judy's waist and giggles that cute giggle that never fails to bring a smile to Judy's face. V begins taking off her Aldecaldo jacket as her and Judy walk over to the campfire to join Mitch and Panam. She drapes the blue and brown leather piece of clothing on Judy's shoulders as they reach their seats.
"It's cold, Judy, here. The last thing we need is to hear someone sneezing and coughing throughout the night."
"Ah whatever, V! If anyone's the one who coughs all the time it's y-"
Judy cut herself off. She didn't mean for that to come out at all. She instantly felt guilty for bringing up such a thing, especially in the presence of Mitch and Panam. Sometimes her biggest weakness was that she was too honest and said whatever came to mind, and here it just happened for the worse.
V had been coughing up blood constantly, a serious sign of deterioration due to her sickness. She'd always try to hide her blood-splattered palms from Judy, but she always saw through it. She refrained from asking V much about her condition at all, she just knew was that she had about 6 months. She felt like it was a topic that just made V feel highly vulnerable, and therefore should be avoided as a conversation basis.
V's mouth turned into a straight line as she proceeded to take her seat. Sensing that the situation had gotten really awkward at that point, Panam took the opportunity to change the subject.
"I like what you made for us tonight Judy, whoever taught u to cook?"
Mitch picks up on Panam's efforts to re-avert the conversation and chimes in.
"Thanks for cookin' and takin' on two more mouths to feed. Really though, this EZ Beef you whipped up is preem. And I don't usually like this stuff."
Mitch then took the authority to grab two empty plates, scoop some beef onto them, and hand one to both V and Judy. After sinking back into his seat, he popped open his can of NiCola and downed half of it in one chug.
"I'm glad you guys like it. It's honestly not too complicated a recipe. But my grandma cooked a lot, and EZ Beef was the ingredient she used in almost every damn dish she made. EZ Beef sandwiches, EZ Beef soup, EZ Beef tamales, you name it. So if there's one ingredient I can work with on any given occasion, it's EZ Beef."
Judy saw V take a bite of her food and smile. Phew, alright she ain't too mad about what I just said. Panam takes another bite and moans in satisfaction of the taste.
"We might have to join you two for meals more often! V you're lucky you got one that can cook, especially since everything you make tastes like crap."
V lets out a wholesome laugh in response to Panam's comment.
"Panam, like you can cook any better choomba!"
Panam nods her head in reluctant agreement, and the group proceeds to finish their supper. As V, Mitch, and Panam wolf down their servings, Judy merely picks at her plate taking a few small bites. She looks up at Panam and Mitch with adoration. During the past week, she had gotten along pretty well with them and the other Nomads given the short amount of time they'd had to really bond and converse. Judy could sense that they were good people with good hearts, and she couldn't wait to get to know them better over time. They might be all I have left if we can't save V. NO! Stop thinking like this! It's gonna work out for the better…I hope.
The rest of supper was filled with talk about whether the group should head Southward or Eastward. Panam insists that South would yield a better chance of finding an expert who could help V, but Mitch has a strong opinion that they have a better chance if they head to a university of tech located in the Midwest. By the time supper is over, they don't come to a decision and instead declare that they'll sleep on it. Mitch asks V to lend him a hand with fixing the timing belt in his car, and Panam offers to help Judy put out the fire and clean up. V looks towards Judy before running off with Mitch.
"Don't you fall asleep without me Judy Alvarez."
Judy tries to hold back her thoughts of sorrow, but it proves to be in vain. Then don't leave this world without me V, don't leave me ever.
"Well then you better hurry before I get tired of waiting, mi calabacita."
V licks her lips and smiles, and runs off with Mitch towards his car.
As Panam is stacking the plates, Judy lets out a big sigh as if a hundred pounds had been lifted off of her shoulders. Panam eyes her, and she can tell something isn't right.
"Judy, I know you and I just met, but I think you're a pretty nova person, and a great match for V in all seriousness. However, I keep getting the notion something is off between the two of you. I could feel it in the air during dinner. What's going on? You know you can talk to me about these things anytime."
Judy throws the empty NiCola cans in the bin and crosses her arms. She bites her lip and stares at the ground.
"I don't know Panam. I- it's just that- gah! I'm such a gonkbrain who just can't voice how I feel. Truthfully, I've been wanting to talk to V about her condition, and have a real heart-to-heart conversation together, but how can I when I don't even know how I myself feel?!"
Panam begins to put out the fire by dousing it with a bucket of water.
"Judy, V loves you so much, and if you can't see that, you really are a gonk. Open up to her, and she will listen to you. Be honest with her, and she will do the same for you. Remember, we're all family here, and family resolves problems by working together to do so. You two need to have a reconnaissance and work through your issue together. Ignoring the elephant in the room won't cut it, and your guys' relationship will suffer because of it. Tonight when you two are alone, take a deep breath, and tell her what it is that's weighing on you, simple!"
"You're right Panam, I guess I was overcomplicating things. Thanks for the extra push in the right direction, guess I needed it."
"No problem choom, come to me anytime about these things. We're family now remember? We got each others' backs from now on. Now I'm gonna turn in for the night and catch some Zs, see you bright and early tomorrow when we roll out. Oh and good luck. Remember, V loves you too much to ever not want to listen to what you have to say."
"Thanks Panam, I appreciate it."
With the fire put out completely now, Judy makes her way over to the tent. Once inside, she takes off V's jacket and lays it on top of her bag. Grabbing her lighter she ignites the small red lantern that sat in the corner of the tent. She then grabs their sleeping bags and lays them both out vertical to the entrance of the tent. Arranging the blankets neatly on top of both sleeping bags, she contemplates whether or not she's really going to have the guts to talk to V tonight. She shakes the thought and grabs her comfier lounge clothes from her bag and begins to strip.
After such a long day, changing into soft cotton clothing was the best feeling. She took off her leather pants first and slipped on a baggy pair of grey sweats. As she undid her bra, she heard footsteps outside and the drape that served as their door was swept to the side to unveil an exhausted V. V stepped into the tent staring hungrily at everything she ever wanted in this world. Judy turned towards the entrance to face the woman she fell in love with, the woman who she felt so very loved by, the one person left in this world that felt like home.
"Judy I-"
"Shhh, please, just…"
Judy latched onto V, hugging her so tight that her fingernails were turning white from pressing down so hard against her back. Judy released her tight grip, and started tracing V's neck with her soft lips. V felt a shock of sensation rush through her body, but liked taking it slow, as did Judy. V felt Judy's hands underneath her shirt, trying to remove it slowly but surely, inch by inch. V ran her fingers through Judy's hair and grazed her fingers along her jawline, that beautifully shaped jawline. Judy finally got V's shirt off, and V handled the rest of the clothes she had on. She picked up Judy and laid her down on top of the sleeping bags. V inched her lips up and down Judy's body, kissing each place that had a tattoo. Each kiss was V expressing her love, and each tremble was Judy voicing her acceptance of it.
When there was nothing left between the two but desert air and skin, V began to satisfy Judy in the way she knew she liked best. She moved around slowly at first, and sped it up as they went along. Their lips together moving in perfect unison, V put her hands exactly where Judy preferred them to be, and Judy expressed her satisfaction, loudly.
"Jude not too loud!"
"Well it's hard to not be loud when-"
V muffled her loud cry with her own mouth as Judy cried out. After Judy tapped back into reality, they both sat up, sitting across from each other, knees touching. V gazed at Judy, her pale soft skin slightly shimmering with sweat V looked at Judy loved every inch of her, and thought she was the most beautiful being on this planet. Judy looked at V only to be confused with the happiness of V belonging to her, and sadness that she would lose her soon.
"Jude…I…love you."
Judy froze, she didn't know what to say to that. Well, she knew what to say but it just wouldn't come out for some reason. It was as if every time she tried voicing the words back, someone stole the breath right out of her.
Judy's train of thought is interrupted by V's sickly cough. She brings up her hands to cover her mouth and catch the blood. She then reaches over to her jacket sitting on Judy's bag and wipes the blood on it. The Aldecaldo emblem on the jacket was now smeared with blood.
"Ahem! Ah fuck. I'm sorry maybe that was too soon, it's okay if you don't-"
Judy puts her hand up signaling to stop out of instinct.
"V no, stop."
V stares at Judy with a blank and confused face, not knowing what to expect.
Judy inhales a deep breath. Fuck, here we go.
"V I've been wanting to talk to you, about everything. About you, about me, and about us. I care about you so much, you know that. But it's harder for me to do that when you don't talk to me about what it is you need. I want you to understand that I am down for you, hell I wouldn't have left Night City if I wasn't right? Open up to me, and I'll open up to you. Be honest with me, and I'll be honest with you (thanks Panam). We both know you're condition worsens by the week, hell by the day even! What good does it do us if we just keep ignoring it, and you don't let me take care of you? I just want you to let me in V, goddammit!"
As tears start rolling down Judy's face, she lays her face into her hands, embarrassed that she let herself fall apart so easily. Suddenly, Judy feels warmth around her, the warmth of V's embrace. V, her love. V, her friend. V, her home.
"Judy…I didn't want to talk to you about my sickness because I was afraid it would burden your happiness, our happiness. I'm dying, I know. And I fucking hate the fact that I am, because it pains me to think about the possibility of me leaving you alone in this cruel world. I didn't not confide in you because I didn't care to, I just thought you'd be happier if I didn't. But I see now that I was wrong. Please forgive me for being the biggest gonk."
V lowers her head in shame only for Judy to lightly nudge her chin back up so as to look V in the eyes.
"What you go through V, I will go through with you. Your battle is also mine, and I'll always fight with you. You don't need to protect me from your worries and doubts, let me shoulder them with you. And if you won't let me shoulder you burdens, at least let me be your shoulder to lean on."
Judy paused, she knew she had to say everything she wanted to say. It was now or never.
"Most of all V, I'm scared that…that I'll lose you, and there'll be nothing that I can do about it. I'm already losing you little by little each day and I can't do a damn thing about it! It makes me feel- makes me feel-…so worthless!"
V couldn't stand her being in agony like this any longer, she hugged her tighter and pulled her so close their souls might've even touched. V pulled away, cupped Judy's face in her two hands, and touched their foreheads together.
"Judy Alvarez, you are anything but worthless. I don't even know how I managed to have someone as great as you to share my life and journey with. I don't care what it takes, I will find a way to beat this. We will find a way to beat this. I will ravage this world for a cure in the next 6 months, I'll burn down this entire planet if I have to! I will stop at nothing so that I may live out my days with you, Judy. I've realized that being with you, and keeping you safe and happy is all I want in this world. As long as you're here, I'll be here right beside you. I'm not going to be leaving anytime soon. I promise."
A tear slid down V's face, and Judy wiped it away. Staring into V's face was the one thing that made her feel invincible, yet so vulnerable. Judy's response was a soft kiss, one that seemed like it lasted hours, days, weeks even. It was as if they truly froze time in that kiss, froze time so that 6 months would no longer be a threat. How V wished they could stay forever in that moment.
Judy pulled away from V, looked her dead in the eyes, and smiled with tears coming down her face still. She sniffled
"That's a promise V. You better keep it you gonk. Get in bed with me, throw that other sleeping bag to the side but grab the blanket."
V did just that, and cozied up with Judy inside her sleeping bag. The warmth of their bodies comforted the other, and V traced Judy's Pyramid Song tattoo with her finger. Her touch sent a tremble up Judy's spine, and V began whispering softly into Judy's ear.
"There was nothing to fear and nothing to doubt…nothing to fear and nothing to doubt."
V kissed her on the cheek, and finally laid her head down on her pillow.
This caused Judy to smile, and she was reminded of their date together at Laguna Bend. She had no idea that fateful night would've led to any of this, but she knew she wouldn't have traded it for anything else. On the edge of dozing off, Judy realized she forgot one important thing to get off her chest tonight.
Judy took a deep breath of that dry, desert air.
"Valerie…I love you too."
V's embrace tightened, and Judy swore she felt V's mouth move into a smile. As her eyes began to fail her, Judy stared at the flame dancing in the lantern, and for some reason the small dancing flame made her feel a sense of hope. That night Judy didn't let her mind wander to negative thoughts and instead fell asleep shortly after V did. Her confidence for the future, for their future, had been replenished. Then and there, Judy wondered why she ever questioned her choice to leave Night City with V. She always knew deep down that V was everything she ever desired, and she would always choose to stay by her side even if the universe beckoned to take her away. But this time, Judy was not going to let the universe have its way like it always had in the past.
Coyotes called in the distance and snores could be heard from Nomads in other tents. The faint breeze blew the dry desert air, and small bugs went along with their lives. The stars shone brighter out in the wilderness than they ever did in the city, and so did our beloved Judy and V. The sun would rise in a few hours, and the Aldecaldos would roll out in search of their future and cure to V's condition. A new V would also rise with the sun that morning, an unstoppable V who wouldn't accept her own demise as the inevitable. A V that was determined to live if not for herself, for the sake of her loved ones. And alongside that new V, was a partner who would defy death alongside her up until the very end, Judy Alvarez.
