A/N: Hello everyone,
I thought I would never see the day and I bet you didn't either, but here we are.
My heartfelt apologies for not updating this story for so long, I never meant to "abandon" it for so long.
I was so fed up with the SQ fandom and the madness it is for a while that I did not feel like writing SQ, particularly this story because it is so dear to me and my heart and I did not want to ruin it while I was pissed and angry.
So I thought it best to let it rest for a while.
I already stated my opinion on a few things in the author's note when I updated "Happily never after" not too long ago. You don't have to read the story, but please check out the A/N on the last update.
It was easier to write new stuff than to get back to "Take me to Wonderland" and I assure you the way back to this story was long and fought for.
I am here now - with an update.
And while I can't guarantee that I will be able to update every week, I'm sure that you won't have to wait that long ever again. I'm determined to write this story, to tell this story and to finish it.
To the people who told me I stopped writing because I can't handle my own drama and that I should let them have sex and be happy at this point - you understood nothing. I'm telling this story my way, the way I see it and if you don't like the slow burn...well, then the story isn't for you.
And that is okay, that is perfectly fine.
A few words about me not being able to handle my own drama: you don't know me. At all.
Let me assure you I can handle a lot more drama than most.
Next to my job I have a volunteer job that I am deeply committed to, but it is rather time consuming affair - hence my absence most of the time. Please bear with me, I'm really trying here, but I don't always manage to find the time to write these days.
To all the new followers - welcome to Wonderland!
It's been overwhelming to see people following and favouriting this story although I haven't updated in so long - it truly warmed my heart.
A MASSIVE AND HEARTFELT THANKS to all of you for your patience, understanding and ongoing support!
I can't explain how much it means to me that you haven't given up on me and that you haven't given up on Wonderland.
Much love to everyone and now enjoy...Chapter 36!
Raven
TAKE ME TO WONDERLAND
Chapter 36
Regina pulled back slowly, startled by her own behavior, by her own boldness, obviously struggling to get a hold on her emotions.
A slight blush crept up her neck and she dropped her eyes shyly, not daring to look at Emma, who did nothing, but stand there, holding her, seemingly debating whether to say something or not.
Regina was glad that she was given the time to process in silence though because she really needed a moment.
She had kissed Emma.
She. Had. Kissed. Emma.
She did not know what had come over her, but she had indeed kissed Emma.
And not only that – she had initiated it.
Did she regret it?
If she was completely honest she had expected she might, at least a little, but she did not feel even the slightest hint of regret or doubt.
It had been a chaste kiss and yet it had felt so amazing, Regina would even go so far as to say it had felt magical.
Her lips were still tingeling from the sensation.
Kissing Emma had also felt so right and Regina was quite relieved about that because a part of her had worried that she might freak out if it ever happened.
Clearly she had come a long way since she had first met Emma months ago.
No, she had come a long way since Daniel, but she would not be here today without Emma.
But of course kissing Emma had opened a new can of worms now that she had time to think about it. She had made a step forward, she had made a form of progress she had not been sure she would ever achieve.
The question was – what now?
Her own actions had taken her by surprise and Regina felt a little helpless. One moment of courage had sent a huge wave of insecurity washing over her and she felt herself getting caught in a downward spiral of overthinking once again.
Right before she got swallowed by this darkness Emma saved her though by putting a soft kiss to her temple, "You are amazing, Regina. And I'm so lucky that you are in love with me."
The honesty and the pride in Emma's voice baffled Regina once again, but it also brought here back to the here and now and she finally looked up to meet the blonde's eyes, "I..."
Emma moved a strand of hair out of her face and smiled warmly, "I know. I'm surprised too. Best surprise ever...and no worries, no pressure, no expections...it means nothing."
At that the blonde's eyes went wide, "No, that came out wrong...it means everything, but what I was going to say..."
Regina could not stop herself from chuckling, Emma was simply too adorable when she got nervous and started to ramble, "I understand. Shall we return to the cooking?"
"Yes, your majesty", the blonde nodded, rubbing her neck in embarassment.
Of course the kiss and especially the fact that Regina had initiated it, meant something, everything really, but Emma was aware, even more so than Regina herself, that they had to keep the pace slow or it could backfire. She did not mind though, she was simply glad that things were going so well for them and that Regina seemed to get more comfortable around her, more comfortable with them being together and in love with each other every day.
They shared one last look of understanding and then returned to the task at hand – cooking chicken curry for dinner.
Conversation had flown easily over dinner and plans had been made to find some time to take Henry to a museum, the zoo or something else he wanted to see in the upcoming week. They had also discussed the cruise they would go on with Emma's parents.
It was difficult for Regina to wrap her head around how much her life had changed at times, but more than that she was nervous when it came to Emma's father.
She knew the man did not trust her and the feeling was mutual, but that did make things immensely hard for her. While she loved the idea of going on a cruise with Henry and Emma, the fact that the Swans would be there as well had her a bit conflicted.
Emma had understood her worries and doubts though and had assured Regina that going on the cruise together did not mean that they would have to spend their whole time with her parents, who would most likely be busy mingling with their friends and business partners for the bigger part of the cruise anyway.
The orignial plan of watching a movie after dinner had been dismissed while they had cleaned up because both of them were too exhausted to stay awake for a whole movie, so they had agreed to get changed and talk for a bit longer before going to bed.
Once Emma and Regina were wearing their pajamas the blonde made an attempt to lie down on the couch, but Regina shook her head, "I think we can sleep in a bed together. I mean...we did while we were in Hawaii...only if that's okay with you though...of course."
"Sure is", Emma nodded and headed to her bedroom, Regina right behind her.
As soon as they slid under the covers the awkwardness was back though because Regina had started to wonder why she had assumed that they would sleep together in the first place and Emma could barely hold in her excitement that Regina was obviously craving her company.
She did not want to scare the brunette or make her feel pressured or anything which led to Emma barely daring to breathe, lying stock still on her back, staring at the ceiling.
Regina was in the exact same position, silently debating why she acted like a lovesick teenager who felt like she could not be separated from her sweetheart for even a moment and it was then that she realised it was the first time she could feel like that without any limitations.
Back then when she had met Daniel they had shared a few stolen moments here and there until that horrible fight with her mother had happened and she had fled straight into hell.
But with Emma she was safe.
She was respected and cherished. And she was also loved.
Truly loved and not a means to an end.
"Emma..." her voice was shaking a bit, but she ignored it, "Would you mind holding me?"
"Absolutely not!" Emma was thrilled and it could be heard in her voice and she cursed herself for slipping, but Regina found it absolutely endearing and scooted closer, glad that she was always welcome when it came to Emma.
Once she was snuggled safely against the blonde, her own arm wrapped around Emma's waist, she yawned, "Tell me one thing you have never done, but always wanted to do."
Emma thought about the unexpected question for a long time before she finally answered, "I always wanted to have breakfast in Paris. I've been there few times for model jobs, but never found the time to do that. What about you?"
"I've always wanted to go to Alaska...to see the Northern Lights."
Emma smiled and kissed Regina's forehead, "We should do that some time...go to Alaska and watch the Northern Lights I mean...it has to be beautiful."
"Maybe. Or we can go to Paris so you can have your breakfast", Regina suggested and snuggled even closer to her.
"I don't really care where we are going, Regina. As long as we are going together."
A smile appeared on the brunette's face, "Yeah, together."
That said she drifted off to sleep, knowing that she would never be alone again.
Henry had talked about ships all afternoon once Mary Margaret and David had dropped him off at home Sunday afternoon.
Emma's father and his ship had left quite the impression on the boy and he bounced through the living room excitedly.
Needless to say Henry was ecstatic once they told him that they would go on a cruise with Emma's parents on New Year's eve.
While Roger Swan was not too fond of her, he had obviously taken to Henry and Regina was relieved about that.
Maybe that cruise would not be that bad after all.
Emma had called Gold the first thing Monday morning, telling him that it was probably time to start planning his second event and he had agreed eagerly. He had also let her know that he had quite a few ideas already, which had caused Emma to wince once she had heard his psychotic giggle.
The unwanted client was out of town at the moment, but would get back to her about a meeting once he would return. And yet Emma was happy that she had a bit of time left to come up with ideas of her own and although she hated to start planning on short notice – when it came to Mister Gold she was glad about every day she did not have to see him.
And she would find out what he had in mind sooner rather than later anyway, not that she was looking forward to it because she was pretty sure that the sneaky old man would come up with an almost unsolveable task.
Regina had told Wendy Darling about her kiss with Emma during their next session and her therapist had been pleased that Regina was obviously on the right path. She was healing slowly, step by step and Wendy also seemed pleased about Emma's behavior and how she supported Regina no matter what.
She had seen enough impatient partners of clients over the years, who had managed to destroy hard earned progress in a single moment because they had grown tired of waiting.
But Emma Swan seemed to be different and she was happy for Regina because the brunette was really trying and she had been through more than enough.
"So, you said that the last few times one of you stayed over you slept being held by Emma...how does it make you feel?" she asked and looked at Regina expectantly.
"Safe".
Regina answered immediately and without hesitation, "Emma...she makes me feel so safe and protected. In the beginning I thought I might end up having nightmares if I fall asleep like that...but I didn't. It's...I don't know how to explain it...but even in the moments I overthink, in the moments I'm on this downward spiral again...I've never questioned Emma. I know she would never harm me. I trust her."
Wendy Darling nodded, "That is very good, Regina. We discussed this already...trust is of the essence in your case. In every case really."
She eyed Regina closely for a few seconds, debating whether she could ask the question or not. Probably it was too early.
"I woke up before her this morning", Regina said all of a sudden, "And I kept wondering how it would feel to run my fingers through her hair and over her neck. Down her arms..."
Maybe it was not too soon after all.
"Did you?" Wendy asked curiously.
Regina shook her head, her eyes filling with sadness, "I didn't dare. If she would have woken up...it's not fair."
She sounded so frustrated, so defeated and she hated it, "I mean...imagine how this must feel for Emma. She's this sweet and understanding person...I can't just start experimenting like that...even someone as patient as Emma has a limit. I can't just touch her the one second and get scared the next. It's even driving me insane."
"Have you ever talked to Emma about this?"
"No."
She had not sounded that small since forever.
Wendy tilted her head, "Then how do you know that Emma couldn't handle it? From what I understand she's being very supportive. I think you should talk to her about it, see what she has to say about all of this. If you don't think you can do it on your own bring her with you for our next session."
Regina nodded hesitantly, "Okay. But I think I'd rather talk to her about this on my own."
"That's alright. The offer stands though."
Her session with Wendy Darling had shown her once again that she had to work on her communication skills and Regina had spent the better part of the next two days thinking how she could bring this topic up in a conversation with Emma.
The problem was she had no idea whatsoever.
Alone time had not been on their schedule all week, but they had managed to have dinner together with Henry every evening, much to her son's delight.
When Regina had mentioned that Friday was her day off Emma had suggested to take the day off as well so they could have a family day and Henry had stated that he wanted to go to the zoo.
And here they were, watching hyenas, and Regina could not understand for the life of her how Henry and Emma were so taken by those creatures.
"They are so awesome! Watch, mom...it really looks like they are laughing", Henry pointed into the direction of the far away corner of the compound where three hyenas stood together, somewhat "grimacing" and Regina instantly remembered the days when Henry's favorite movie had been "The lion king".
She silently prayed that he would not want to watch it again tonight because one could only watch a movie so often before it started to annoy the hell out of one and they had crossed that point long ago.
"Is everything alright?" Emma wanted to know, seemingly without reason and Regina nodded, "Yes, dear."
"Are you sure because you zoned out there for a moment, a frown on your face", Emma stated worriedly and Regina was touched by the blonde's concern for her well being as all the times before, "Everything is fine. Just make sure that our lion king DVD magically disappears when we come home."
Emma chuckled, "Ah. The hyenas, right?"
"Oh yeah. Where is Henry anyway?" Regina turned around, but could not see her son, instantly panicking, but Emma put her hand on her arm to calm her down, "He's right there."
She pointed to a large board that held a map of the zoo, right next to them, "He's trying to figure out where the camels are."
Regina rolled her eyes and growled, "Aladdin has to go as well."
Since she had to be at work early the next day Regina went to bed earlier than Emma and her son and it was the first time that she allowed herself to admit that going to sleep by herself had become something she did not appreciate at all.
Emma had slept in the penthouse all week and it had been somewhat okay, but now that they had spent all day together once again Regina felt that she truly missed Emma by her side and she wondered if their complicated relationship would ever get easier or if it would stay the minefield it currently was, mostly because of her own issues, forever.
She was trying to fix the make up of an extremely bitchy and infuriating redhead when Killian announced that she had a visitor and Regina's heart skipped a beat in anticipation of seeing Emma and was all the more surprised when Mary Margaret entered the room and she jumped to the worst case scenario within the blink of an eye, "Did something happen to Emma?"
Mary Margaret looked at her in surprise at the question, but realised quickly why Regina would come to a conclusion like that and shook her head, "No worries, everyone is fine. I came here to ask you something."
Regina let out the breath she had been holding, "Can it wait for two minutes. I'm almost done."
"Of course. I'll wait outside", Mary Margaret turned to leave the room, "No need. Stay. As I said...I'm almost done."
And so the pixie haired woman simply watched Regina work her magic until the unfriendly redhead stalked off and left them alone in the dressing room.
"What can I do for you, Miss Blanchard?" Regina eyed her curiously.
"First of all it's Mary Margaret...and I came here because I wanted to know if you would be willing to do my make up...for my wedding", she explained and shifted nervously from foot to foot.
To say that Regina was surprised would be an understatement, "Shouldn't you...well, you know...ask Killian? He is one of your best friends after all and you've known each other for years..."
"Actually, I..." Mary Margaret started, but Regina did not let her finish, "You did ask him and he said he wouldn't do it...that's why you are here."
"Not quite, no...I asked Killian if he would do my make up because...as you said...he's our friend and...anyway...he said if I wanted the best I should come and ask you."
Mary Margaret's words threw Regina for a real loop. Killian had said that?
Regina could not shake the pride she felt in that moment and she could not wait to tell Emma about it over breakfast tomorrow.
Henry would leave early to go fishing with David so they would have the day to themselves and she was looking forward to it, but first she had to survive this day without strangling that exhausting redhead.
"So, what do you say?"
Mary Margaret's voice brought her back to the here and now, she had obviously gotten lost in thought, "Of course I'll do your make up. It will be my pleasure."
"Thank you so much, Regina! I don't want to disturb you any longer...I know you are busy and I need to go anyway or I will be late for lunch with Belle...see you next week."
Before she could answer Mary Margaret was already out of the room and Regina wondered what the pixie haired woman had meant by see you next week. In the end she shrugged and started to put some of her utensils away and clean the mess that was the dressing table.
She would find out soon enough.
Regina was standing in her kitchen, preparing breakfast the next morning, her mood and her heart light although she had come home awfully late thanks to that idiotic redhead, but she would not let some megalomaniac wanna-be model ruin her day with Emma.
When she heard a knock on the door her heart fluttered and she almost dropped the plate she was about to set on the table in excitement.
She headed for the door, ready to pull Emma into a much needed hug, but her smile died on her lips as soon as the door opened and she instantly froze.
"Hello Regina."
