A/N: Hello everyone,
first of all: THANK YOU to EVERYONE for such a great welcome back. For all the love, the support, the messages, the reviews.
I'm beyond flattered and honoured and so very, very grateful.
It was overwhelming to see all the love for this story - thank you so very much!
I'm sorry that I currently don't have the time to answer everyone, I wish I could, but with dog rescue thing being really tough at the moment I just can't. Take this update as an apology...I hope it makes up for it.
It's a bit intense and it is...well, probably not what a lot of people expect, but the next one won't be long...and then we'll find out a lot about Emma and her view on things. Looking forward to that.
Have a nice weekend everyone!
Much love to all of you,
raven
TAKE ME TO WONDERLAND
Chapter 37
Regina stared at her mother in shock, unable to do so much as even blink.
She wanted to throw the door right in her mother's face, she wanted to run, hide, anything really, but she could not move.
Not even an inch.
"Is that your idea of properly greeting your mother?" Cora spat out dismissivly.
"I...what...", Regina fought for words, her mind racing, "Mother...w-what are you...doing h-here?"
At that the older woman openly glared at her distraught daughter, "What a silly question! I came to see how you are doing of course."
Regina knew better than to believe that, "How...how did you even find me?"
Cora only chuckled, "Have you forgotten that your little...", she said the next word with so much disgust that it gave Regina chills, "LOVE story with the Swan heir was all over the news? A woman. Really, Regina?"
She stared her daughter down, but then she shrugged, "Well, at least she has a lot of money. It could have been a lot worse...considering the street rat you dragged home the last time...that...Daniel."
"I don't care about her money...and Emma is nothing like..." Regina started, but was cut off by her mother instantly.
Cora sneered, "Of course not. All you care about is LOVE. Don't think I've forgotten all your babbling...you were such an insufferable child, Regina. No wonder you father left."
She looked her daughter up and down, taking in her sweatpants and t-shirt, a deep frown appearing on her face, "What are you even wearing? Have you learned nothing from me?! Always dress your best, behave your best, be your best."
Regina winced and dropped her head. Of course she rememberd exactly what Cora had tried to instill into her for the bigger part of her childhood.
"Same goes for the bedroom. Or do you still believe you can keep someone with your precious love? Or that they will keep you for holding hands? Daniel didn't, did he?"
Cora's voice was filled with so much disgust that Regina could feel it cover her to the bone.
She did not dare to say another word.
How did her mother know all of this in the first place?
Her mother started to laugh darkly, "Regina, don't be so naive. I've known Gold since way before you were born. I know everything. I was so ashamed when he called me to tell me that he had taken in my daughter...addicted to drugs and pregnant. So, so ashamed. At least do it right now, Regina. You won't get another chance. Whatever Daniel did to you...it served you right for running away...like your father did!"
"Emma is not like that..." she sounded so small, so defeated once again.
Cora only laughed again, "Good grief, Regina! God only knows what she sees in you, but she's only a human being. And she has needs as everyone else. You better see to them like a good partner does."
Regina's thoughts were somersaulting and she struggled to cope with her mother's presence and what she was throwing at her when she heard the BING of the elevator.
Emma.
She felt so helpless and she started to panic because there was no way in hell Emma could meet her mother, only there was no escape.
The next thing she realized was that Tamotsu stormed towards her and took his place in front of her, shielding her, snarling and growling at her mother.
Cora seemed appalled, "Regina, take that beast away right this instant!"
That was when Emma appeared next to them as well, "Our dog is going nowhere, but I think you should, lady."
But of course Cora Mills did not have any intention to leave just yet and smiled sweetly, "Miss Swan, it's a pleasure to meet you."
Emma could not care less about the stranger in the hallway though, having eyes only for a completely shaken Regina, "Are you okay?"
When she caught sight of the tears welling in Regina's eyes she turned to look at Cora furiously, "Go. Or do you want me to call the cops?"
Cora frowned in surprise, "Excuse me? Is that a way to treat your lover's mother?"
But Emma's eyes only darkened, "I don't care who you are. If I see you anywhere near Regina ever again you'll find yourself in a jail cell, Miss Mills. You've failed Regina often enough and I won't let that happen ever again. You are not welcome here so I suggest you leave my property. Now."
The older Mills held her head high, grumbled a "Very well" and headed towards the elevator.
Emma entered the aparment, closed the door and led a trembling Regina to the couch so she could sit down.
Tamotsu instantly jumped up as well, taking the spot right next to Regina, still in protection mode.
"Good boy", Emma praised and petted his head quickly before she found a blanket to wrap around Regina.
Once that was accomplished she sat down as well, on the other side of Regina, and took her hand carefully, "Regina, it's okay. She's gone. I'll talk to the security guys later and instruct them to make sure she never sets foot in the building again, okay?"
All Regina could do was nod, she was simply too overwhelmed by the situation and nowhere near able to cope with it.
She had not expected to see her mother ever again.
"Did she hurt you?" Emma's voice was filled with worry, which finally brought Regina out of her trance like state.
"No. No, she didn't do anything."
Physically that was true, but Cora's words had hit too close to home. Her mother knew everything, had known all along and had not bothered to help her. That was what hurt the most.
Breakfast had been a silent affair because Emma did not want to push and Regina did not know what to say.
Cora's appearance had shaken Regina a lot more than she wanted to admit and the words her mother had thrown at her made her feel like a failure and unbelievably helpless.
Emma was not like that. She knew that.
And yet Cora had a point.
No one's patience was endless, not even Emma's.
What if she would never be able to have sex with her?
What then?
She could not get rid of that thought, no matter how hard she tried.
What if therapy would not help her all that much in the end?
What if she could not be fixed?
Regina was aware that she was pressuring herself too much, but she could not stop.
She should have a conversation with Emma like Wendy Darling had suggested, but she was not even ready for that.
She was such a mess.
"I'm going for a walk", she announced quietly and she felt so guilty for running instead of confiding in Emma, but she had to sort her thoughts and find some courage first.
"Take your time. I'll be here if you need me", Emma replied with a smile that did not nearly reach her eyes. She had meant to hide her worry, but had failed miserably.
Emma's understanding made the guilt weigh even heavier on her heart, but she needed to be alone for a bit nonetheless.
Tamotsu followed Regina to the door without a command and she knew there was no point in trying to stop him from coming with her since he was obviously set on looking out for her and if Regina was honest she was immensely grateful for it.
She looked at Emma, who only nodded, "Take him. He seems to be determined to be your bodyguard today."
"Alright. I won't be long."
That said Regina grabbed the dog's leash and the duo left while Emma watched them sadly.
As soon as Regina and Tamotsu had left the apartment Emma started to pace.
What had Cora Mills said to her daughter that had thrown Regina off like that?
She grabbed her keys and headed over to her penthouse. She would need to do a little research.
Regina and Tamotsu had taken a big walk before they had ended up in the park.
Emma's favorite park.
God, she felt so stuck.
And while Regina was aware that impatience would only make it worse she could not stop with the 'what ifs'.
Losing Emma would be worse than everything she had endured in her life so far.
She could not lose Emma.
During her walk home Henry had called to ask if he could stay over at David's and Mary Margaret's because they wanted to go to the shelter in the morning to look at dogs.
She had allowed it without hesitation because she did not want Henry to see her so distraught once again.
And Henry being gone would also help her to set her plan in motion.
A plan born out of desperation and fear, a plan capable of ruining everything.
When she entered the building her heart started to race in her chest and she passed William, the new head of security, without even noticing him, which had him look at her in confusion for a second before he shrugged it off.
The elevator ride up almost drove Regina crazy, but then she felt Tamotsu's nose in the palm of her hand and she looked at him, giving the dog a small smile, "Thank you for protecting and looking out for me, my bear."
Tamotsu licked over her hand in understanding.
Regina entered her apartment, followed by the loyal dog, just to find it empty. Emma was nowhere to be seen.
She sighed, a new wave fo guilt washing over her. She had not meant to be gone for so long, but she had forgotten about time because she had been so caught up in her thoughts.
But then she saw the note on the couch table.
She grabbed it and sighed in relief once she had taken in the message.
'Forgot some files in my office. Need them for a meeting in the early morning. I'll be back soon.
Love,
Emma
Ps.: I'll bring dinner :)'
Regina decided to take a shower while she waited for Emma to come back. It would calm her nerves.
Emma entered Regina's apartment a few minutes later, files in one hand, a bag of food in the other hand.
She felt accomplished.
The security guys of the building, as well as the receptionists, were instructed to keep their eyes open for Cora Mills and that they had to stop her from entering the building no matter what.
She had called in a favor from her friend Merlin, who had gotten his nickname because he was quite the wizard when it came to computers and hacking, as well. He would do some research on Regina's mother.
There had to be a reason why the old witch had shown up.
She sat down on the couch next to her excited dog and petted him, "Thanks for taking care of Regina, big boy."
She had heard Emma's voice when she had stepped out of the shower and a part of her had been so relieved that Emma was back, but the bigger part of her was anxious, terrified even.
And yet she had dried her hair, had put on her silk robe and now she fought to swallow the bile in her throat.
She could do this.
She had to overcome the fears that were paralyzing her. She had to.
Regina took a deep breath and left the bathroom.
Emma looked up and smiled at her as soon as she noticed her presence, but it made her feel only worse.
Her whole body was tense, but she forced herself forward, forced herself to stop right in front of Emma, who watched her with rising concern.
Regina's hands shook heavily when she untied the belt of her robe and she winced when it fell open and revealed her naked body, the taste of bile on her tongue once again.
"Regina, what are you doing?"
Emma's eyes went wide in shock and she almost looked scared, but Regina knew she could not answer because she would lose her nerve if she tried to voice a single word.
And so she sat down on Emma's lap, her stomach revolting, her hands trembling, but she managed to wrap her arms around Emma's neck, who sat still like a statue.
Regina felt the tears stinging in her eyes, but she willed them away with all the strength she had left in this moment, about to lean in to kiss Emma.
She would give Emma what she deserved, she would...
But right then the blonde did get out of her stupor and grabbed Regina's wrists, halted the brunette's every movement, "Stop."
Regina immediately tried to pull her arms away and get up, get away, but Emma held her back. Gently though.
"Regina, please...stop. Just talk to me. Everything is going to be fine...I promise you."
She could not hold the tears back any longer and a gutwrenching sob escaped Regina's lips.
She was so scared and so exhausted, so miserable and devastated and the pain was overwhelming, so she let herself fall against Emma's chest, let herself be held by the one person who had never failed her.
Emma was too good to be true.
And yet here she was, holding her, saving her from herself once again.
"I'm sorry...I'm so sorry", Regina mumbled through her tears, but Emma only shook her head, "No need to be sorry. Everything's fine. I've got you."
It took Regina a while to calm down, but once she did she felt not only guilty, no, now she also felt ashamed.
But Emma must have sensed it because she took her hand and squeezed it encouragingly, "Don't beat yourself up, Regina. Just go, change into your pjs. I brought dinner from your favorite sushi place."
Regina got up and stumbled back to the bathroom, leaning heavily against the sink once the door closed behind her.
What had she been thinking?
That she could go out and have sex with Emma forced by her own idiotic mind?
It would have never worked and Emma had realised that way before she had because the place her mind had been in had been simply too dark.
But Emma, sweet and loving and kind Emma Swan, had done the right thing as usual.
She had seen right through her, had stopped her from making the probably biggest mistake of her life.
She splashed some cold water in her face and did change into her pajamas at last and returned to the living room with a sigh.
Emma had seemed okay, but Regina knew better. The blonde had to be confused as hell and she had no idea what to do about that.
She did not want to talk, mainly because she did not know how to explain what exactly she felt, but she knew she owed Emma at least something. She was also aware that she could not do this without help and so she cleared her throat once she sat done next to Emma, "There are a few things I want to talk to you about, Emma. But I don't know how and...I'm aware that it is short notice and that you are awfully busy, but...is there any chance you could join me for my session with Wendy Darling on Wednesday?"
Emma did not even hesitate to answer, "Absolutely. If you want me there I'll make the time. Busy or not, I'll be there."
A small smile appeared on Regina's face, for one because of Emma's willingness to put her first at all time, but mostly because Tamotsu's neck had grown three times longer in an attempt to steal some sushi from the plate Emma was holding.
Later that evening when she was lying in Emma's arms, Regina cursed herself once again.
What had she been thinking?
She was so very lucky that Emma was the decent, kind-hearted and understanding human being she was.
Thankfully she had stopped her.
And thankfully she had not pushed for an explanation either.
Regina did not even want to think about what could have happened if she had managed to go through with her absolutely idiotic plan of having sex with Emma.
How could she have grown so desperate? How had her mother managed to push her buttons that well after all this time and out of the blue?
Especially when Emma had never asked for anything, but to take things slow, to take things one step at the time.
Why had she lost herself like that, why had her confused self decided she should force this on herself?
Clearly the consequences would have been severe, irreversible even.
And it would not have been Emma's fault, but her own.
She snuggled more into the blonde's arms, drowning in the warmth and the safety Emma's arms provided when she did not try to force anything upon herself.
Henry had been right.
While she did not necessarily qualify as the evil queen per se, Emma Swan truly was her savior.
