this isn't my typical style of writing but this was part of a prompt on a writing wiki i'm on and i wanted to do something with Rowan because i love her

and ik i have other things to work on but. feeling kind of inspired for this one and i felt like it'd be better as its own story instead of in my one-shot collection since i'm going to write a bit more for this since. i can relate to Rowan a lot and she's easy for me to write

(and touching on the tws - yes, there will be themes of s/cidal thoughts and self-harm later on. please don't continue if you don't feel comfortable reading works with those elements in them, and please take care of yourself.)


Dear Wren,

I'm not really sure how to do this. Or if I'm even doing it right? I don't know. Grove said that maybe writing a letter to you would help, so here I am. I doubt it'll help much, but he said it helped when he wrote to his mom, so I guess I'll just have to take his word for it.

I know we weren't close. But I really miss you, even if we never got along that well. Or it might just be me feeling guilty for not being able to save you. I don't know at this point; if I was a better sister, maybe this wouldn't have happened in the first place and you'd still be here. I wouldn't blame you for hating me. Honestly, I hate myself too.

Leaf misses you too. He's been determined to avenge your death since I told him about the Dragonslayer. Was it a good thing? I'm…honestly not sure. He's been pushing himself really hard, enough where I'm beginning to worry a little. It's all he really talks about, and he really doesn't seem to think about anything else. Are you proud of him for trying to do something he believes in? Or would you also be worried about him? This would be so much easier if I had known you better…

Bluebell hasn't been taking your death too well, either. She hasn't wanted to go to the forest and look for butterflies for a while, and hasn't talked to any of us since. Not even Mallow, and Bluebell used to talk to Mallow almost every day. I'm really concerned about her, but she won't talk to me. I feel like she knows that I failed miserably to save you, or that she thinks I was happy to let you get sacrificed. Bluebell probably doesn't know about the whole sacrificing thing, but…it certainly feels like she's blaming me. I'm probably just being paranoid, I suppose.

Mallow's been trying to stay positive, but anyone with a brain can tell she's not doing good. I really don't think talking with Camellia is helping her much, but she seems to be doing better than Bluebell and Leaf. I think I might try talking to her after writing this letter, though she probably doesn't want to see me either.

I bet you probably saw this coming, but…yeah. Camellia. I know you both disliked each other back then, up until everything that happened. And I bet you think that she's glad you're gone. She's not. In fact, she's been the exact opposite. Camellia loathes me entirely and won't speak to me at all since I moved in with Grove, but…I can tell she's feeling…regretful, almost? For all the crap she's pulled on you over the years. Knowing you, I bet you'd probably say "serves her right!" or something along those lines…but I can't help but feel bad, almost. I know she'd hate it if she knew I felt some level of sympathy of any sort towards her, so I'm going to try and hide this from her in case she comes over or something (don't ask why - I don't know why she bothers since she knows I live here…). But if she would let me, I'd remind her that I'd be willing to be there for her. I know I'm a crappy older sister, but…I want to try and make that up to the others. If I can try that with Leaf, then I can try with the rest? I'm not sure, really.

But anyways. I really wish you were still here with us. Maybe if I did something differently, things would be better. Maybe you'd still be alive, and our parents wouldn't keep giving me dirty looks every so often. And maybe our sisters would tolerate us both more.

I might write to you again. I don't know if this is really helping anyone, but…if there's actually an afterlife or something, and you're reading this…I'm so sorry, Wren. I should've done better and I know that. I hope you can forgive me for everything, but I know I don't deserve it.

Your idiot sister, Rowan