A/N: Hello everyone,

I know...long time no read. I never thought it would take me this long to finish the next chapter, but with life being crazy and so on it did.
I apologise for the long wait.

I would like to thank everyone who ever read that story, who continues to read it and especially the ones that took the time to review. Also thanks for all the follows and favourites, I'm still overwhelmed that so many of you took a liking to this story.

It means the world, it really does.

Anyway...I promised myself no long speeches...so here comes the new chapter of "Take me to Wonderland".

Enjoy!


TAKE ME TO WONDERLAND

Chapter 38

Regina had called Wendy Darling first thing Monday morning and had requested a longer session for the upcoming Wednesday. She had also informed Wendy that Emma would join them, but that she needed to talk to her alone first.

Wendy had immediately understood that something must have happened and had told Regina to simply come an hour early, which had comforted the brunette immensely.

She was so grateful for Wendy's help because she was well aware that she could not do this alone. She would be lost without her psychiatrist.


Emma had been incredibly busy Monday and Tuesday, but so had Regina and so time had flown by.

Regina had tried not to think about that dreadful session too much, now that she was indeed sitting in Wendy Darling's office she could not ignore her anxiety any longer.

Emma would arrive any minute and she was not sure if it had been a good idea in the first place. The truth was she was nowhere near ready, but she was aware that there was no right time for a conversation like the one they were about to have.

She had filled Wendy Darling in on what had happened after her mother had visited and to her great surprise the psychiatrist had understood a lot better than she had anticipated. Would Emma understand as well? Regina was not so convinced about that.

Emma had been so incredibly patient, supportive and understanding all this time and Regina had started to wonder when the blonde would reach her breaking point, when she would finally realize that this was not worth it. That she was not worth it.

A knock on the door pulled her out of her thoughts and the next thing she knew was that Emma stumbled into the room, completely out of breath, "Am I late? I came as fast as I could, but that meeting...I'm sorry."

Wendy Darling smiled warmly at the blonde and got up, offering her hand to Emma, "No worries, Miss Swan. Everything is fine. It's a pleasure to finally meet you. I've heard so much about you."

Emma took the offered hand and took a deep breath, "Thank you, Miss Darling. The pleasure is mine. Killian speaks very highly of you. And so does Regina."

"Please, take a seat."

Wendy watched as Emma sat down on the couch next to Regina, squeezing the brunette's hand encouragingly before the blonde returned her attention back to the psychiatrist, fidgeting with her hands in her lap "So...ummm..."

It sounded a little helpless, but Wendy Darling was aware how weird and probably even uncomfortable Emma had to feel, "Can I get you anything to drink, Miss Swan?"

"No, thank you. And please, call me Emma."

Wendy nodded, "Very well."

There was a short pause before she continued, "Regina and I have been working on her issues for a while now, but we've reached a point where we are a little stuck...and that's why she invited you to come here today. To clear up some things."

"Sure. Anything I can do to help her", Emma stated and smiled at Regina, who seemed awfully tense.

"Regina and I had a conversation about what happened the other day and I think she came to some understanding, but it's up to her to explain it to you. I hope you don't have any plans this afternoon 'cause this might take a while. As you sure know this is anything, but easy for Regina", Wendy stated and watched Emma closely.

"Not a problem. I've cleared my schedule...we have all the time in the world 'cause you are right...I'm well aware how difficult this must be for Regina", she squeezed the brunette's hand again.

Wendy leaned back in her chair, "Alright...Regina, whenever you are ready..."


Regina visibly struggled for words while the minutes ticked away.

Emma glanced at her worriedly, feeling absolutely helpless while Wendy Darling simply observed the situation.

The silence had become almost unbearable when Regina reached out a shaking hand to grab Emma's and hold on for dear life. A few moments later she did indeed find the strength to start talking, drawing comfort solely from holding Emma's hand, "My mother...she knew. Everything. Apparently she's friends with Gold."

Emma's eyes went wide in disbelief, at a complete loss of words.

"And..." Regina obviously fought back the tears, "She pointed out that...that I better...that I better see to your...n-needs...because that's what a good partner does. That's why I tried to..." she dropped her head in shame, "It was a stupid idea...I'm sorry."

"Regina..." Emma tugged on the brunette's hand carefully to make Regina look at her, "There's nothing to be sorry about. Please don't beat yourself up over it."

"My mother is right though", it was barely a whisper, but it was enough to make an expression of confusion show on Emma's face and Regina sighed, "Emma, don't even try to deny it...everyone has...needs."

The blonde closed her eyes and took a deep breath, "So we are having that talk now."

Regina paled visibly, "I don't know that we can avoid it any longer."

Wendy Darling spoke up then, "Regina, do you feel up to sharing your thoughts on the matter? I know we've talked about it earlier, but if it's too much..."

The brunette shook her head, "No. I'll do it. I can do it."

Wendy nodded at her encouragingly and Regina took a moment to sort her thoughts before she turned to face Emma fully, "You're probably the most beautiful woman I've ever seen, Emma. And you've been incredibly patient with me, but I know that you do have...needs. While I have made a lot of progress ever since I met you...I'm nowhere near ready to...to have...to have sex. I'm very frustrated that I can't just...like switch off my mind or something...to just forget what happened and move on...and I'm so scared that you will run of of patience before...before I'm ready."

Emma let Regina's words sink in before she answered, "I don't know why you are putting so much pressure on yourself, Regina. I told you...and I meant it...we have all the time in the world. If I only wanted sex I could find someone, sure...but I want love...and a family...I want a life...and I want that with you...and Henry. And we'll never just have sex...we would make love...there's a huge difference."

"And what till then?" the words sounded harsher than Regina had intended.

Emma felt a bit defensive all of a sudden, "Do you think I can't live without sex for a while? There's more to life than that...besides...if I really wanted to get off so badly I could handle it myself."

When she caught sight of the frown on Regina's face she added, "Sorry for being crude."

An onslaught of pictures flooded Regina's mind, pictures of Emma touching herself, running her fingers over her perfect skin and she had no idea where that had come from. She shook her head vehemently, trying to shake those images, wondering what her subconscious was going to tell her, but deep down she was well aware what it meant.

It had not happened the first time either, but should she say something? Was it fair to get Emma's hopes up? Then again they were here to figure out what to do, right?

"I think I want to...to touch...you", Regina forced out, fighting her fears with all she had, "But I don't know...I mean...I've never been...and I...I don't want to get your hopes up...or work you up and then...it wouldn't be fair."

"Can I ask you something?" Emma wanted to know and Regina signaled for her to continue.

"Regina, have you ever thought about me...touching you?"

Regina wanted to deny it because she was aware if she admitted it there would be no way to unsay it, but Emma deserved the truth.

And the truth was that she had indeed caught herself thinking about it here and there and it had not sent her into a panic attack like she had thought it would.

Feeling unable to speak Regina nodded and looked down at her feet because she was not sure if she could hold Emma's gaze.

When she felt Emma take her second hand as well Regina knew she had to look back up and face whatever was going to happen now.

She met Emma's sparkling eyes once again and saw nothing, but sincerity which calmed her nerves a bit and then Emma said something she would have never expected.

"Then I need you to stop worrying altogether now, Regina. Because when we first discussed the possibility of there being an 'us' you weren't even sure you would ever get to a point where you could imagine being with me...physically. You've made a lot more progress than you realise and I'll wait as long as I have to...because I want to be with you. No matter what."

A single tear made it down Regina's cheek then because Emma seemed so sure of what she wanted and was willing to do whatever it took to make her feel safe and comfortable. It should not surprise her at this point, but she had expected Emma to jump with excitement at the prospect of them having sex somewhen in the future and that would have added more pressure to the already difficult situation, but Emma had stayed calm and focused on her well being as usual.

It was hard for Regina to wrap her head around that, especially after her mother's visit, but Emma kept proving to her that there was still good in this world.

"I think Emma has a point there", Wendy Darling interrupted Regina's thought process all of a sudden, "You've made a lot more progress than you've realised. The most important thing for the two of you is talk...talk about everything that goes on in your heads. Especially the things that scare you and you'll see...once you've talked about them they won't be so scary anymore."

Emma squeezed Regina's hand once again and the brunette sighed in relief.

This had gone way better than she had expected.


Emma had been busy for the rest of the week while Regina had taken a few days off to spend with her son and they had enjoyed a great time together.

Henry was growing up so fast, she could not even believe it, but he was happier than he had ever been – thanks to Emma and her friends.

They had become a real family and Regina still had trouble accepting that this was her reality now from time to time.

It seemed so surreal and yet it was nothing, but the truth.


On Saturday Henry went on a sleepover at Roland's and Emma and Regina went out to dinner with their friends and Neal Cassidy.

There was a wedding to plan still.

Killian was hanging on Neal's every word, much to everyone's amusement and Mary Margaret could have literally illuminated the whole restaurant with the blinding smile that had appeared on her face once she heard Neal's ideas for the ceremony and reception.

It simply was a great evening with delicious food and a lot of laughter.

When they returned to Emma's apartment later that night the blonde asked Regina if she could probably unzip her dress.

It was no big deal, but Regina's hands were shaking, but not out of fear like she had expected, but out of anticipation.

She moved the zipper down slowly, the dress falling open, revealing Emma's bare back and Regina took in an involuntary breath.

Emma wanted to step away, probably to change into her pajamas, but Regina's hand shot forward, grabbed her arm and stopped the blonde's every motion.

Neither of them dared to speak, but Regina put her trembling hand between Emma's shoulder blades, her fingertips grazing the soft skin of the blonde's back. Regina felt Emma shiver under the light touch, which sent an unknown sensation through Regina's own body.

Her heart was hammering in her chest, but Regina could not bring herself to stop her hand from wandering further south.

Touching Emma's skin was like an instant addiction. It also set her own skin on fire and Regina could have sworn she was tingling all over.

She would not take it any further because she had no intention of torturing Emma, but Regina also realized she might be torturing herself as well. She did take a step forward though, her front softly pressing into Emma's back, her arms finding their way around Emma's waist.

She held the blonde close, inhaled the familiar scent that was so uniquely Emma and put a soft kiss on her neck.

A kiss that made Emma shiver.

A kiss that made Regina realise she wanted more.