a/n: this is where the warning comes in to play from this point on. i know i mentioned it already, but just a final warning.
I'm not sure how much time I have to write this. But for my own sake, I'll try to get enough of my thoughts down so I can at least fall asleep…
Hey again. I know I say that often nowadays, but I guess it's true. Are you doing alright? I hope so. I can't really say the same for myself, our family, or my friends…
Mom and dad haven't been much kinder since our last argument. I still can't get what they told me out of my head. And I think they're right. I really don't deserve to be apart of a family, do I? After all, I've been an awful sister to every one of my siblings, including you…and every time I tried to get better, I just end up making things worse. And I've always been a disappointment to mom and dad, to be honest…I've always had my suspicions that I was one of their least favourites of us all, but it hurts more than I thought it would to hear them say it out loud.
I'm still not sure how to break the news to Leaf about your death. The truth, I mean. I feel so awful about it, lying to him about the truth. But how would he handle it? Even before he started working for the dragonmancers, I don't think he'd be able to stomach it. But now? I think he'll just hate me for it. And I hate lying to him, but he's the only family I have to really…talk to these days. He's the only one who's willing to give me the time of day. And I don't want to ruin that. But if he finds out, he'll just…hate me for never telling him in the first place. I hate this so much. Neither of you deserved this.
And none of my friends really deserve what's happening to them either - and that's my fault, too. It was my stupid plan to steal treasure in the first place, and now the same thing that happened to you is going to happen to Grove unless we do the dragonmancers' bidding. If I hadn't suggested the idea, maybe Mushroom wouldn't have done this. Grove wouldn't have been taken to be sacrificed. Maybe Cranberry could've focused on finding her troupe instead of getting involved with this. And I wouldn't have risked Leaf's safety in the first place.
No one really deserved this. It's all my fault.
It should've been me instead. If I had taken your place instead, then maybe - no, everything would be better. Everyone would be a lot happier as well, I bet.
You and Leaf would've been together still, Grove wouldn't have to suffer because of me, and our family wouldn't have to deal with such a disappointment…there's probably more I'm missing, but it's getting really late and I don't want to worry Cranberry even more than I already have. I think she's starting to suspect something happened between me and my parents, but hopefully she forgets.
I just…it should've been me who got sacrificed instead. It's not like our parents would care, right? And I'm sure you and the others would've been fine with hearing that sorry excuse that I was eaten by dragons while I was out. No one would even notice, would they? That's what I think, anyways…
Anyways. I need to go to sleep. I don't have time to dwell on this right now, since I want to try and save Grove. Even though it's probably impossible.
The one who should've took your place, Rowan
