Hey people!

Here is the new chapter!

Be warned, it is somehow emotional. There will be mentions of personal dark moments for the characters. But it's also filled with love. But yeah, it'll be emotional.

Don't forget, reviews make me a happier writer! (No but seriously, I love getting feedback and I loooove discussing things with you all!)

Enjoy the chapter!


Chapter 12

Kushina bit on her lip while staring at the door. That particular door led to the meditation room under the Namikaze-Uzumaki house. It was warded with protective seals designed to contain large amounts of chakra. She and Minato had created that room when Naruto was younger as a place for him to safely train with the Kyuubi's chakra. It wasn't built to sustain heavy training sessions, but it allowed their son to get used to the beast's chakra without damaging himself or any property.

Kushina had spent her jinchuuriki life quite happy not to have anything to do with the tailed beast. Mito-sama had made it her life's work to repress completely the beast in order to keep it from Madara Uchiha. When Kushina had become her successor in carrying the burden, she had decided to continue the trend. Being an Uzumaki, she had amazing chakra reserves on her own and had never felt the need to use the fox's. Not that her seal would have allowed it anyways.

Her son's seal, on the other hand, was constructed around a voluntary opening that allowed him to channel and use some of the tailed beast's chakra. It was an amazing seal Minato had come up with and that the Sandaime Hokage managed to use in order to save their son's life. Although they had carefully monitored her during her pregnancy, they had not anticipated Naruto relying on the vast quantity of chakra to survive. If now the blonde man didn't need it anymore, the moments following his birth had not given them much choice.

Kushina put her hand on the closed door, not feeling anything filtering through. Naruto had been inside the room for the last few hours, meditating through his newly gained memories of another lifetime.

She would never forget how, almost three weeks before, Minato had come home in a trance, silent and distant. Twenty five years ago he would sometimes get lost in his thoughts, eyes distant and looking for something, someone, she could never see. That evening a couple weeks ago had been worse than those times. It had been a long while since the last time Minato had come home in that state.

When he absently walked through the door and towards their room, her heart had twisted as his empty eyes reminded her of the weeks following Obito's death and then Rin's during the war.

He had cried himself to sleep in her arms that night, breathing words of pain and suffering. And to her horror, Naruto's name. She had shed silent tears for her men and their suffering. Not knowing what was happening was breaking her heart. It was high time they'd told her what was happening. But not that night.

Minato had finally let himself fall asleep, holding onto her like the lifeline she knew she was in that moment. She never loosened her hold on him. In the morning, Minato had thanked her, hugged her, kissed her and loved her before taking a long hot shower and heading out to his office.

Then, only a couple days later, there had been the incident with Kakashi. She remembered Naruto's roar bouncing through the house, panic evident in his tone as Sayora rushed to their bleeding sibling. Naruto's eyes were filled with a terror that had frozen Kushina's heart.

She had been so angry too! Furious that the men in her life would keep things from her. So terrified to lose anyone of them. Terrified to see so much pain in her son's eyes and body.

Kushina didn't understand what was happening. Her son was hurting, and she couldn't help him. It was breaking her heart. Hopefully, Tsunade would be able to help. From what Naruto had told her this morning when he came in to use the meditation room, things were "fine and under control".

The woman sighed. She knew her son enough to know when he was hiding something. It used to infuriate her, when Minato would keep things from her, especially about their children. But Kushina knew her men. As long as Minato was hurting so much himself, he would not talk to her. He would first need to start sorting it out himself before seeking her help. And Naruto wouldn't tell her anything until he wanted to. As frustrating as it was, he was her son: he had stubbornness in spades!

Kushina went back to her study to continue going over her Academy students's last sealing home-works. Her students were making decent progress, but right now her mind was leagues away from caring about that.

She still had trouble processing the fact that her son, her baby boy, had become someone else. Or rather, that he had lived another life. He would always be her baby boy, but it was disturbing to imagine him living another life when he had so clearly lived with them since birth.

Minato and Naruto had mentioned that it was very similar to how Kage Bunshin worked, except with his soul. Kushina understood the explanation just fine. She knew the technique, had learnt it from Mito-sama, who'd learnt it directly from the Nidaime Hokage. Kushina had used it during battle. She knew how the technique worked with memories – one of the reasons it was a forbidden technique in the first place.

Still, knowing the how of the situation didn't make it any easier to accept. Her heart clenched at the thought that her son had lived hardships she had no way of helping him through. And that was what she had trouble accepting.

With a sigh and a motivational clap of her hands she focused on her students homework, finally welcoming the distraction.

It was about an hour later that Naruto's voice resonated through the house and pulled her attention away from the half decent seal one of her older students had managed to write down.

"-Mom?

-In here! I'm coming."

When she joined him in the living room, Naruto looked both refreshed and ruffled. She smiled: only he could achieve such a look. She took in his blonde locks, his beautiful eyes, his handsome face, his cute whiskers… He looked more at peace than when he had arrived earlier, less tired.

His voice was hesitant when he talked next.

"-Mom? Can we talk?

-Always, honey. Are you hungry? You've been in there for a while.

-I'm ok."

Naruto answered, slightly uncomfortable, not totally used to having someone taking care of him like that. Kushina just smiled softly, defusing the growing tension she could see building in his shoulders. She motioned for him to follow her into the kitchen.

He sat at the table while she went around to make them some tea. It was a special spiced tea only they enjoyed. It was their little ritual, sitting at the kitchen table drinking that special tea. They had started doing it when Naruto had entered the Academy. They would sit in the kitchen at the end of the afternoon, with a snack, sipping tea while he recounted his day of learning.

When the steaming cup was in front of Naruto and Kushina was seated on the other side of the table, they both smiled. This was something they hadn't done in a long time, just sitting together and enjoying tea while the house was quiet. Naruto inhaled the smell of the hot beverage.

"-This smells great."

They both took a few minutes in silence, simply savoring the moment. Kushina watched her son as he slowly relaxed. She smiled softly and took a sip from her cup.

"-How did your meditation go?"

Naruto took a deep, slow breath.

"-It went well. I've been meditating while at Baa-chan's too. I managed to take in almost everything. I've never had to absorb so much information before. Even when using Kage Bunshin It's technically more information but it's short. Taking this new life all in is… It's different. But I feel good now."

Kushina looked at him. He indeed looked better then a couple weeks ago. Less frazzled. Less on the edge. She could clearly see that he had changed, but she could see more of her beloved son in him again. She smiled.

"-What did you want to talk about?

-Well… I actually don't really know. I guess I just want to talk about things with you. We haven't talked in a while.

-True. Do you want to talk about your other life?

-Not really. It wasn't a really pleasant life. I don't want you to be sad."

That was her Naruto. Always putting others before him. Since he was little, her little ray of sunshine had always tried his hardest to protect his loved ones.

For the longest time, Kushina could see herself in him, in his smile, in his pranking, in his happy approach to life. As he grew up, though, he had become more like his father, more serious. Not by much. Naruto was always a happy person. He loved her very much and would make sure to always show her. He would very often help her around the house. He would absolutely dote on her, always making sure she was happy.

Nevertheless, she very often got the impression that he would hold himself at a distance from her, always making sure not to hurt her or make her sad. She knew that every time something would upset him or make him sad, he would seek out his father or Kakashi first, only very rarely confiding in her.

At first, Kushina had been a little bit saddened by it. But Naruto's love for her never faltered, and she had figured out he was simply growing up into a little boy. They might not have been as inseparable as when he was a baby or a toddler, but they had found other ways of being close.

Naruto and she would spend hours and hours going over the vast Uzumaki sealing heritage. He absorbed the knowledge like a sponge, seamlessly blending what he learnt with her with what he learnt with Minato about the discipline. Naruto was a natural. Considering both her and Minato's level in the art, it was not entirely surprising. For all his capacities with the discipline, though, he never manifested any intention to specialize in it.

Pranking, of course, remained one of their big shared passions. Pranking their family was always the best. Minato and Kakashi made the best targets. Jiraiya navigated between being a victim of their talents, or offering his against a poor, unsuspecting victim – amongst whom Shikaku Nara, Fugaku Uchiha and Minato's ANBU guards.

Unsuspecting of the memories of epic pranks Kushina suddenly found herself lost in, Naruto continued speaking.

"-Did you ever resent me?

-Resent you?! Why would I ever resent you, dattebane?

-Well, you had to quit being a shinobi because of me. Do you miss it?

-I never, ever, resented you for what happened, Naruto. Don't you ever doubt that, dattebane.

-Still, if I hadn't been born, you~

-Would not have my family," she cut him off. Her tone was serious and reassuring. She put her hand on top of his on the table. "You are the best thing that has ever happened to me, Naruto. What happened was not your fault. When the Kyuubi~

-Kurama." It was Naruto's turn to interrupt her. "His name is Kurama.

-Well, when Kurama was ripped out of me, it tore my chakra pathways apart. It almost tore yours apart."

Naruto could see tears shining in her eyes as she thought back on that terrible day. His own throat felt tight.

"-He could have sealed half of it back into you. Dad, I mean. It would have saved you.

-No, he couldn't, 'ttebane. We were both dying. Your father made a choice, the choice to save you. A choice I will forever thank him for because it saved you.

-Did you resent him?

-No, never. Your father had to take a terrible decision that day. It must have been so hard to let go of me. But he did it to save you, and that is all I could have wanted. If it were to happen again, we both would make the same choice again, dattebane.

-Still, it cost you so much.

-I was dying, Naruto. My chakra was gone and my network was torn to shreds." Kushina shivered, remembering the bone-deep agony. "Nothing could have saved me. My body would not have accepted the seal. I wasn't strong enough. I should have died on that day. It was a miracle I survived at all. But I did. And I got to see you grow up into the wonderful little boy you became. And now, into this amazing young man.

-Do you miss it, sometimes?

-Being a ninja, you mean?

-Yeah.

-I do. Sometimes. I used to miss it more. I missed the thrill. I would sometimes miss people. But not the lifestyle. Not when I had you here. Becoming a mother… It was better than chasing any mission ever was. You were worth everything. Still are. I do miss molding chakra, though!

-Yeah?

-Oh yeah, dattebane! Molding chakra makes a lot of things much easier than we realize. Especially raising a little hellion like you, dattebane! Do you have any idea how much easier it would have been to keep track of you after you started walking?"

The fiery woman finished her sentence with a heated glare, her fist clenched. Naruto could clearly see the right corner of her lips trying to pull into a smile.

Naruto laughed wholeheartedly, happy to feel the gloom of the previous topic of conversation lift from the room. Kushina didn't join him on the laughter, still clenching her fist in fake anger. Both slowly fell silent, comfortably enjoying the lighter atmosphere.

Kushina could see that her son still wanted to talk. She smiled at him, inviting him to open up.

"-Mom, why did you and Dad got Sayora?

-What do you mean?

-Why didn't you have other children? You know, biologically?"

Kushina sighed. This was a conversation she had been happy not getting into. Naruto had been eight years old when they had adopted Sayora as a baby. He had asked them the same question. At the time, they had simply told him that they loved her too much not to make her into family. After explaining that it didn't mean they loved him any less, Naruto had happily accepted his new baby sister and quickly fallen in love with her. Part of them had been always amazed at how easily Naruto had accepted the explanation.

Sometimes, Kushina had felt like he wanted to know more about it but he had never asked. Every time she thought he would, he would look at her, frown a little, and smile his most beautiful smile. The one that was so soft and loving it melted her heart.

Naruto had never asked them. Until now.

"-Why ask now?

-I guess because I was too afraid to ask you before.

-Too afraid of what?

-Of hurting you. I didn't want to make you sad.

-What made you change your mind?

-I haven't. I still don't want to make you sad. But I also want to know. I think I'm just wondering how different things could have been.

-I used to be sad. When I was recovering after you were born, my body was so damaged we didn't even realize it at the time. It was later, when we were trying to have another child, that we discovered I couldn't. My chakra pathways were too damaged. Tsunade-nee could have helped me but another pregnancy would probably have killed me. And the baby. I, we didn't want to risk it. I had you to think about. You are the light of my life, Naruto, and I couldn't bear the thought of leaving you." Tears sprang up in her deep grey eyes but didn't fall.

"It was hard. We never imagined you growing up alone. Not being able to have another child, it was difficult for us. Your father had always dreamt of having a big family.

-Not you?

-Not necessarily a big one. I wanted a family that was precious to me. I lost so much after Uzushio that I couldn't imagine being able to have such a family again. So I just wanted a small one, one that would be easier to keep close and protect. I would have been happy with a big family too of course, especially with your father. After we got married, he could talk for hours and hours about the big family we were going to build."

She smiled again, eyes in the distant past and radiating love.

"-You should have seen him when I told him I was pregnant with you! I'd never seen him so happy, not even when he became Hokage. You know your father lost both his parents when he was really young. It was hard for him, growing up without them, in a village that was at war. It was hard for the both of us. I mean it was different for him, obviously. His family, your family, was a small clan from Fire Country, so he was still at home here in Konoha. But he was so lonely. He craved a family, his own family. That's why he loved his team so much growing up. We weren't friends at the time but when he lost his genin team during the Second War, it was like he'd lost his family all over again. Then Sakumo-oji…" Her voice trailed off. "He was the one who found your dad after his family was killed, did you know that?"

"-I… No, I didn't," Naruto answered, surprised by the new knowledge.

He had never known much about his father's personal history. He'd known how his parents had met, how and when he'd become Hokage. And of course, the whole story about Kakashi's own team. But Naruto had never had much time to discuss anything more personal with his Edo Tensei father. He was surprised to feel the knowledge was entirely new to him on this path as well. Had that happened on his original path too?

"-Is that how Dad knew Kashi?"

"-Yeah. Sakumo-oji was coming back from a mission when he found your Dad. He was very young, three or four I think. He brought him back here. Minato was put in the orphanage but Saku-oyaji kept looking after him whenever he could. Eventually, your dad was adopted into a nice family, but they unfortunately passed a few years before the war.

-Yeah, I thought that's what happened. I never knew Grandpa and Grandma were not Dad's parents.

-They were, in a way. They did raise him, for the most part. Your father felt like they had the right to be your grandparents and you had the right to have them, even though they'd already passed. They were very precious to him.

-They were civilians, weren't they?

-Yeah. They got sick one winter and died when Minato was on a mission. He only found out weeks later when he came back.

Naruto's heart tightened for his father.

"-I never realized Dad had lost so much."

"-He doesn't like talking about it. His parents were older, and the winter that year was especially harsh. So it didn't come as total surprise, but that never makes things any easier."

Naruto let the silence reign a few moments and refilled their cups.

"-Sakumo-jiji, did you know him?

-A bit, yeah. I met him when we got together. Minato was so nervous about introducing us.

-How did it go?"

Kushina's face took a faraway expression, fond and nostalgic.

"-He was a great man. You know he was an amazing ninja, probably even better than the Sannin at the time. But he was such a genuine soul. He was one of the most gentle persons I've ever met.

-You miss him.

-I do. Sakumo, for all his faults later on, was an amazing person. You would have liked him. When Kakashi was born, he asked your dad to be the godfather. Minato was terrified.

-Really?"

Kushina laughed.

"-Oh yeah, dattebane. He was so happy but Little Kashi terrified him. He was so scared of not being good enough. It didn't help that Kashi already was a little shit, if an adorable one."

Naruto snorted.

"-Somehow that doesn't surprise me."

Kushina laughed again, but her gaze soon turned melancholic.

"-Tensions were rising at the time. Sakumo-oyaji… He was struggling. Between the loss of his wife, raising Kakashi and the increasing number of missions and their rank, he got worse. We didn't notice it at first. We were all under a lot of pressure. When… When Sakumo took his own life, it nearly shattered Minato. Kakashi…" She shrugged, not finishing her sentence.

She didn't need to. Naruto knew the story. Kakashi had told him on the night Minato had disappeared in smoke with the other three dead Hokages. He knew how horrible Sakumo Hatake's death had been for his son.

"-We took him in. Well, your dad did. We didn't live together at the time yet. It was hard. Kakashi was so much work. He's what kept your father afloat. He had to be strong for him."

Naruto swallowed down the growing lump in his throat. He'd known there was a lot of history between Kakashi and his father, but getting the more detailed explanation was heartbreaking.

So much suffering.

A part of him noted that it was no wonder Kakashi had never recovered from the disappearance of Edo Tensei Minato.

Kushina took a deep breath in and released it, shaking herself out of the sad mood she could feel creeping in.

"-Anyways, years passed and we moved in together. It was a bit stormy at first. Kakashi grew distant but he eventually warmed up to me. Then… Well, you know that part," Kushina said softly.

Naruto nodded. He knew what had come next: Kakashi's genin team and a whole new bunch of heartaches.

"-After the war, there was so much work. Your dad had his work cut out for him. He threw himself into his new role. It was a tough time. After Obito and Rin, it was hard to see the bright side. So when I discovered I was pregnant a few years later, it was such a breath of fresh air. You were the first ray of sunlight after a very, very long storm. You should have seen your dad's face when I gave him the news. He cried his eyes out, that wimp!"

Kushina's tone was undoubtedly full of love. Her eyes were shining with the mixture of emotions brought up by the conversation.

"-He would never stop talking about you. He already loved you so much. We both did. We were so impatient to meet you. Your birth was supposed to be the happiest moment of our lives."

Naruto winced. He might not know exactly what had happened on this path yet, but he knew without a doubt that his birth had been anything but a happy event. On either path.

"-Your birth… What happened to me, and above all how close we came to lose you, it took a lot out of your father. You were so precious to him. Always will be. I was already gone when you..." Her throat closed up. "I don't remember any of it. The last thing I remember was pushing you out of my body. Next thing I know, I'm barely able to breathe, and you are already six months old."

Kushina took a deep breath, trying to dislodge the ball of emotions in her throat.

"-I might not have been conscious for it but I know that day was the absolute worst day of his life. For years your dad was so scared of losing you. He used to have nightmares about it. When you graduated and started going out on missions, he was so terrified he wouldn't eat for days. Nothing until you'd be back home safe."

Naruto could barely believe his ears. He couldn't imagine his father in that state, so petrified he wouldn't even eat! His father was always such a strong man. Naruto had always admired him, on both paths. It was unfathomable for him to picture the Yondaime Hokage so vulnerable.

A part of Naruto sent a few thoughts Asuma's way. The pressure the man must have been under as his jounin sensei would have been crushing!

His mother continued her story, acknowledging her son's surprise with a nod.

"That day, holding you in his arms and feeling your life slipping away… It killed him. What he had to do in order to save you, it took everything out of him. But he pushed through. For you, for Kakashi, for the village. Thankfully, Sandaime-sama was the one who did the actual sealing, but your father felt terrible for making you a jinchuuriki."

"Sarutobi-sama was gone, the village was badly shaken, the other countries were sniffing for any sign of weakness, and I wasn't there to take care of you or him. He had to do it all by himself. Your father did his best, and he did a wonderful job. He had a reason to: he had you. And he still had me. He had Kakashi. His family. His precious, precious family."

"When I got better, things were finally looking up again. You had Kakashi wrapped around your finger, healing him without even trying. The village recovered, tensions were as low as could be expected on the international scene. We decided it was time to make our family a little bigger. We loved you and Kakashi so much, we wanted you to grow up with a family."

Naruto's heart gave a lurch at his mother's choice of words. It would break her heart, to know how his life had been on his other path.

"When the doctors told us I couldn't get pregnant again, Minato took it very hard. He blamed himself a lot. For 'not being able to protect me', for not being able to keep Kurama from hurting me. The situation with the village didn't help. In just a few months, things got ugly again. When the conflicts started, he didn't have much time to think about it anymore, but he was still hurting."

"After you entered the Academy, I started working at the orphanage. It helped me heal. It helped me accept that I would never be a mother again. It took a while of course. Eventually I accepted it. But then, I met your sister. She was so beautiful. I fell in love immediately. Her mother, bless her soul, had died giving birth to her. Her husband had died in an accident a few months earlier. When I told your Dad about Sayora, he immediately wanted to meet her too. I think he fell in love with her too. So we adopted her. It might not have been biologically, but we have our large family. We have you, and Kakashi, and Sayora. And I couldn't be happier."

Kushina's smile was the most beautiful thing Naruto had ever seen. So peaceful and deep and loving. He couldn't help but mirror it as his heart beat through his chest, too full of emotions.

Something was easing in his chest that he had never been aware of before. It had been so tightly wound up, buried so deeply in him, his whole life on this path, that he had forgotten it was there – he hadn't even been aware of it. The fear was lifted.

His mother didn't resent him.

Although technically he'd known it, getting the confirmation through a heart to heart conversation as two adults was entirely different. It soothed Naruto in his soul.

Naruto felt immensely grateful for his family. Part of him might have lived with them his whole life, but it didn't take away any of his gratefulness. Another part of him had lived a life craving this, starved for it, for the family and the belonging. Now finally getting it, glorious and wonderful in all its imperfections, was an absolute bliss.

This was why his soul and his awareness were on this path.

Naruto closed his eyes and let the feeling of rightness, of love and of completeness swell in him. His right hand reached over the table to grab his mother's again and squeezed. He simply breathed deeply for a few moments, focusing on the instant and the knowledge that this was real. When he opened his eyes, he saw silent tears rolling down his mother's cheeks, and past her loving smile, still firmly in place. His voice was low and trembling when he spoke in the silence.

"-I love you so much. I love all of you so, so much, Mom."

Kushina squeezed his hand back and, without letting it go, stood up to take him into a hug. She engulfed his face in a fierce embrace, his ear against her heart, their height difference with him still seated reminding her of when he was younger. She kissed the top of his head and answered him, voice muffled by his hair and her emotion.

"-I love you so, so much, Naruto. All of us. We love you. I am so happy I have you in my life. I could not imagine my life without you, any of you, in it, dattebane."

Unable to resist, Naruto let himself break down.

For the first time since he was a child, Naruto let his body completely be taken over by cries and sobs, his whole frame shuddering. Kushina held tightly and never let go, hugging him through pain, and sadness, and anger, and loss, and frustration, and fear, and loneliness.

Naruto cried like he hadn't for years, emotions submerging him from deep within, sweeping away any chance of control. He clung to his mother, his one and only anchor in that moment.

Hot tears silently ran down her cheeks as she rained kisses on the top of his head. She didn't move when Minato walked into the kitchen, coming back from his office. Both parents shared a pained look over their son's shaking body, his cries resonating deep in their core. Had he even noticed his father in the room?

Minato silently observed the pair for a few minutes before discreetly leaving the kitchen. As much as his heart broke seeing Naruto like this, this was a moment between mother and son.

He let them have it, fully and painfully aware of the noise of Naruto's crying on the other side of the door.