~RavensMind~
Chapter 9: Trouble and Despair
"In the darkest, lowest section of the tower's underbelly, Hatred had dug a pit. And into that pit went all that Despair had spawned to replenish the forces that Hatred destroyed. Raven was feeling better, her tower showed it, as her emotions worked to redecorate and renovate the halls and rooms. Despair was still being a nuisance, still managing to find a nugget of power here and there with which to unintentionally spawn more of Trigon's soldiers. The other emotions did their best to keep her from accessing Raven's power, but they couldn't do everything. Eventually, she would be left to her own devices and cause trouble for Raven, even if she was going to lose most of her influence on Raven's psyche to Hatred."
Here goes nothing, Robin thought as he walked down the hall to Raven's room. It was later in the day and he was due to try and help Raven with her emotions again. He had worked out, got cleaned up, and did some searching on the Titans computer. Raven had done her own exercises, cleaned up, read, and meditated. They weren't purposefully avoiding each other, but they did want their own space for a while. He had agreed to meet her later, after she had set up a few things.
When he turned the corner, his communicator went off.
"Damn it," Robin said. He put his mask back on and pulled out his communicator. It was Beast Boy.
"Beast Boy, what's the situation?" Robin asked.
"Huh? Nothing, dude, just running around Gotham looking for these guys, got bored, so I figured I'd see what's up back home," Beast Boy said.
"It's quiet, but it won't be soon, Penguin will be in the city soon and we need to-," Robin said.
"No, dude, I mean – how are you dealing with being stuck with Raven?" Beast Boy asked.
"Uh. It's been fun, I'm helping her feel better, and we're just hanging out," Robin said.
"Really?! Oh, right, I forgot she likes you, bet she's still mad at me."
"I don't know, she hasn't said anything about you."
"Yeah, she's still mad."
"I can ask, why is it bothering you?"
"Uhh, I don't like it when she hates me, I was just making a joke trying to get her to laugh."
"You're still her friend, I'm sure she'll understand. Why don't you try and call her?"
"I tried this morning, she didn't answer."
"She took a while to wake up this morning, maybe she slept through the communicator's tone."
"Maybe. Can you talk to her? Tell her I'm sorry and that I'll do something with her when I get back, take her somewhere, or something?"
"Beast Boy, is there something going on between you two?"
"Dude! No way! I mean I like her, but nothing's happening. I just don't want her to have me on her shit list."
"But you're going to ask her out when you get back?"
"Yeah, as a friend, I doubt she'd say yes if it was for another reason."
"Okay, I'll talk to her."
"Cool, thanks. So uh, how did you deal with Batman before we started the Titans?"
"Alfred helped me get through the day, usually. Otherwise, I just had to push through everything on my own, it wasn't easy."
"Yeah, I guess. I gotta go, have to get back to finding these guys. See you Robin."
"Later, Beast Boy."
Putting his communicator away, Robin continued on his way to Raven's room. He wondered if everything Beast Boy had said was true. He could always ask Raven. Also, he was irritated that Batman hadn't contacted him to tell him anything all day. Batman had the most high tech communications hardware with him, it wouldn't take any effort for him to call.
Robin reached Raven's room and knocked on her door.
"Come in, Robin," he heard Raven say through the door.
The door slid open and he walked in, stopping short when he looked around. There were several cracks in the ceiling, the floor, and almost everything seemed out of place. Stacks of books were sitting next to the shelves, as Raven had finished sorting them. Her bedsheets were messed up and her bottle of sleeping pills was on her pillow next to her meditation mirror. The room was lit by candles that were placed in a circle on the floor next to her bed around some strange symbol Raven had drawn on her floor. More lit candles were strewn about in different places. As for Raven herself, she was seated cross-legged on her bed as though she had just stopped meditating. He took off his mask and put it in his belt. She smiled at him, then grinned.
"Come here," Raven said.
He nodded and crossed the room to her bed, smiling at her as he walked over.
"Now what?" he asked.
"Kiss me," she said.
With a grin, he bent down, then tipped her head back and pressed his lips to hers. She took his free hand in hers and led him down to sit beside her. He broke away and smiled, putting his arm around her.
"Good enough?" he asked with a small grin.
She nodded as she grinned back at him.
"For now. What kept you?" she asked.
"Beast Boy called to talk, didn't have any updates, just asked how we were," he said.
"And what did you say?"
"Don't worry, I didn't tell him what's been going on between us. I said we were alright, just hanging out, waiting for a chance to do something, and that I'm helping you."
"Anything else?"
"Yeah, are you still mad at him for what he said before they left?"
"Yes."
"He wanted me to tell you that he's sorry and when he gets back, he'll make it up to you by doing something with you or going somewhere."
"It had better be good, or I'll make sure he goes somewhere."
"Yeah, uh, Raven, is there anything going on between you and Beast Boy?"
"Wh-Are you serious? No! Why would you even ask me that?"
"Sorry, it just sounded like he was going to ask you out or something."
"Probably his poor phrasing of his intention. No, I have not gone out with him, nor will I be going out with him."
"Alright, glad that's settled. Nothing has happened between you two though?"
"We've had our moments, but no, come on – does he sound like my type? No chance we're practically opposites or anything," she said dryly
"Well, no he doesn't sound like your type, but neither do I."
"You actually do."
"Really?"
"Yes. What about me, though? Am I your type?"
"Yeah, definitely. Maybe he thinks you're his type," he teased.
"Lucky me," she said dryly.
"So, where do we start with your emotions today? he asked.
"Hatred again. This time, I'll be standing in that circle of candles, I've used a spell that will stop Hatred from going straight to my demonic form. It will also trap everything else, so you don't have to worry about me trying anything. I'm just focusing on channeling them," she explained.
"Okay, let's get started, afterwards, do you want to go to dinner?" he asked.
"That sounds nice, we'll see."
She got off the bed and stepped into the circle of candles. She sat cross-legged and rested her hands on her knees. After she took a few deep breaths, she picked up a book in front of her and flipped it open to the marked page. He sat on the bed, watching her.
"I'm going to start, just do what I said last time – keep me in the moment, talk to me if you feel you need to," she said.
"I will, and don't worry, this will work out for you," he said.
"I really hope so," she said.
Reading an incantation aloud, Raven focused her power as the candles burned brighter, each flame grew taller, stretching up to the ceiling, forming bars, a cage of fire. The symbol beneath her lit up in a dark blue light. The candles around the room dimmed, and the air smelled of smoke and lilacs. She looked at Robin and then closed her eyes.
"Azarath Metrion Zinthos," she chanted.
She opened her eyes again. The violet in her eyes was replaced by pure red. Her stoic expression had been hijacked by a vicious scowl. She had not changed in any way aside from that, her spell was working. Robin looked into her eyes and saw the same thing he had last time that made him question if it was still Raven.
"Raven? How are you feeling?" he asked.
"Angry! I'm tired of trying so hard to stay calm, only to have one emotion or another ruin me! No one else has to deal with this. Why does it have to be me? I know there are plenty who deserve this kind of mental torture!" she said.
"Alright, uh, let it out," he said, trying to be supportive while still unsure if it was still her.
"I am letting it out, and it feels great. I hate my father for influencing me to believe I was nothing. That I was just a means to some end. I was his end! Still, I don't feel liberated, because I," she said angrily, pausing at the end.
"It's okay, Raven, because you what?"
"Because I still feel his memory, he's not gone. I'm afraid…and depressed, there's so much that's awful in the future."
Her angry expression turned to one of shock as her eyes changed from pure red to a deep gray. Her face fell, she started shaking as she hung her head.
"Are you okay?" he asked.
"No, this shouldn't be happening, I need you to get me the bottle under my bed and that, hurry," she said softly, pointing to the bottle of sleeping pills.
He crawled across the bed to her pillow, lying flat he reached under the bed and picked up the bottle then grabbed the pill bottle. He heard her breathing quickly and sniffling. When he turned around he saw her on her knees, her hands covering her face. She was crying. He approached her and held the pills and the bottle out in front of the fire cage.
"Azarath…Metrion Zinthos," she said through tears.
The flames died and the blue symbol faded. She had started sweating profusely as tears ran down her cheeks. She grabbed the bottle from Robin's hand and took three pills along with a long drink from the bottle. Falling to her side, she was lying on the ground, choking back tears. Robin knelt next to her and looked down at her sadly. He put his arms underneath her body and raised her back up to her knees. She hugged him tightly as she cried on his shoulder. Holding her close, he rubbed her back and kissed her neck.
"Robin, I'm sorry," she said through her tears.
"It's okay, you don't need to apologize for how you feel, I'm here for you, and I'm not going anywhere," he said.
"Promise me," she said, holding him tighter.
"Raven, I promise, I'm not going anywhere," he said.
He couldn't help but cry himself, her emotion was so strong – it had passed through their bond and he felt the effect of her depression. It was mind-numbing, soul crushing, and utterly isolating. He was holding her as much as she was holding him.
"We'll figure this out, we'll get you to feel better… Raven?" he asked.
Raven had fallen asleep, her head resting on his shoulder. He lifted her up and carried her to her bed, laying her down. Those sleeping pills must be great, he thought, pulling the sheets up to her neck. Robin sat on the edge of her bed, watching over her. She curled up under the covers and sniffed as she cried a little more in her sleep. He rested his hand on her shoulder, running it up and down her arm. It hurt to see her like this, he felt more tears swell up in his eyes and trickle down his face.
"Fight it, I know you can," he said as he took her hand in his.
She groaned and adjusted her head on her pillow, which was getting damp from her tears. He squeezed her hand and looked at his boots, trying to control his own emotions. It was clear now what exactly she had been sleeping through, why she needed the pills at all. How she wasn't a neurotic mess all the time amazed him. He could barely imagine feeling the way she did every day.
Red lights kicked on and the hated alarm began to blare. Trouble. Robin frowned and groaned. He bent down and kissed Raven's forehead, squeezing her hand once more before standing up and hurrying out of her room. Bolting down the hall, he reached the living room and bounded over the couch. He checked the Titans computer to see what the problem was.
A gang of thugs had broken into the building Robin had listed as his place when he gave his information to his criminal contact. They had probably come to deal with him since they got the reactor blueprints, couldn't afford loose ends. Which meant that Penguin would be in the city soon, if he wasn't already. Putting on his mask, he jumped out of the chair and raced down to the garage and hopped on his R-Cycle. Engaging the new rocket mode he and Cyborg had installed, he shot out of the garage, flying over the water and into the city. Once over the concrete and asphalt, he disengaged the rocket, and started driving toward the penthouse in the city.
He pulled up and hopped off his bike, pulling out his grappling hook and firing up to the roof, he scaled the wall and jumped onto the top of the tall building. Looking through the skylight below his feet, he saw a few armed thugs standing beneath him. He chucked a bird-a-rang through the glass. It exploded in smoke and released a blast of light that blinded them. Robin jumped down through the glass with his bo staff out, landing hard on one thug's head, and then bashing the other two to the floor with his staff, knocking them out.
The smoke cleared. Robin was surrounded by twenty armed thugs, all who had their guns trained on him. He froze, kicking himself for coming without help, for not being more careful.
"Come on, bird boy, let's see what you got!" one of the thugs said with a harsh chuckle.
He leapt up and back out of the skylight as the thugs opened fire. They rushed to where he had been standing and looked up. He was gone.
"Scared huh? Not surprised!" another thug said.
"Get up there, spread out – find him," a larger thug said.
Another bird-a-rang flew threw one of the windows and struck a thug in the back, electrifying him. As the others turned to look, Robin smashed through the opposite window, dropping another, larger smoke bomb. He kicked one thug in the back of the head as the smoke bomb hit the floor and detonated. The others fired wildly in the air. With precise strikes, Robin knocked out another six thugs in succession. He groaned as he twisted his wrist, swinging his bo staff through the throng of thugs, grunting as he kicked and knocked more of them to the hard floor. The smoke cleared once more.
There were five left, their guns trained on him. He hadn't been fast enough. A small, black sphere – the size of a ping pong ball, bounced off the wall and landed in between Robin and the thugs. It released a high-pitch pinging sound and exploded in red smoke. A large, agile figure leapt out of the smoke with a sword raised and smashed one of the thugs, turned, slicing the other, and then swiping and gutting the remaining three. The figure stood and walked towards Robin, a red light emitting from one of the eye sockets through the smoke.
"Slade," Robin said, narrowing his eyes.
"Robin. I see you still need training, these men should be no match for you," Slade said as he approached Robin, sheathing his sword.
"What are you doing here? What are you planning?"
"Relax, Robin. I've no interest in this destroying this little city of yours anymore – not when there are so many more opportunities to display my skill and be paid doing it. I am here to help you."
"With Penguin, right? Why?"
"He is hurting my business, it makes me look weak and incompetent, and that is bad for my image in my other business. He will pay dearly for it. The best way for me to make him look like an incompetent fool is for you and your friends to be the ones to end his operation here."
"Who is he working for?"
"That would spoil your investigation, wouldn't it?"
"Tell me, Slade!"
"Patience. I'll help you, if you help me. I've placed a tracker on Penguin's shipment of illegal weapons, weapons that belonged to me, let Penguin move his shipment to Gotham, then you can put him in jail, and the shipment will lead you to his buyer if he is uncooperative. After you're done, I want those weapons back."
"Fine, deal. Just tell me what's going on and who's involved."
"Remember, you learned this from Penguin's men: The reactor plans are being used in the construction of a superweapon in Gotham City, the weapons being shipped there are for its security staff, when built – the superweapon will be used to hold Gotham hostage," Slade explained, handing Robin the weapons tracker.
"Who is Penguin working for?" Robin asked, taking the tracker and putting it on his belt.
"Joker."
Robin flinched. He had sent his friends to Gotham to help Batman to fight the Joker. In that moment, he hated Batman, he hated Joker, he hated Slade, he hated Penguin, and he especially hated himself. It would shock him if any of his team came back unscathed. This was worse than he could have imagined.
"Why Joker?" Robin asked softly.
"I don't know, perhaps he was bored. I hope you and your friends are up for the challenge."
"We'll see, some of them are in Gotham now investigating."
"So how do you expect to stop Penguin as well?"
"Raven and I are here, we can take care of Penguin."
"Ah, I see you left the strongest at home and sent the weakest to the wolves."
"No, they can handle themselves just as well as she and I can!"
"Whatever you say. A word of advice, you may want to get yourself examined by a professional, as it seems your judgment is impaired, and lacking. I'll be in touch, Robin," Slade said as he walked into the darkness and disappeared.
Shaking his head as he fumed, Robin took out his communicator and called Batman immediately, once he was sure Slade was gone. It took a while for Batman to answer, Robin walked around and made sure the thugs were still out cold.
"Dick, what have you learned?" Batman asked, appearing on his communicator.
"Penguin is working for Joker, Joker is planning to hold Gotham hostage with a superweapon he's building using the reactor he built with the blueprints. Slade put a tracker on the weapons shipment so it will lead us to Joker, Raven and I will go after Penguin once the shipment has left for Gotham," Robin explained.
"Good work, get the frequency and details of the tracking device and send it to me as soon as you can. We'll look for Joker here," Batman said.
"Bruce. Don't let anything happen to my friends."
"I'll protect them. You have my word."
"Thanks, good luck."
Batman nodded and ended the call. Robin called the police and let them know that the thugs needed to be picked up and taken to prison. He closed his communicator and jumped up through the skylight and used his grappling hook to lower himself back down the building. His bike was waiting, parked next to a mailbox. Walking over, he heard the door to the building open. He looked to the door. Three armed thugs walked out, pointing their guns at him. Turning around, he saw another group of them closing in on him.
The night sky seemed to grow darker, street lights flickered rapidly before going out. Beside Robin's motorcycle, Raven rose out of the ground, towering over him and the thugs in her demonic form. Two dark tendrils swiped at two thugs and hoisted them into the air, then slammed them into the asphalt. Several thugs fled for their lives, terrified, as the rest opened fire. Robin lashed out at the thugs by the door, taking them down as they fired at Raven. Tendrils, fire, and black hands seized the other thugs one by one – knocking them out, sending them running, or bashing them into objects that were pulled towards them. Robin flung the thug into the air, to be caught by Raven, who slammed him into the ground. As Robin jumped, a tendril wrapped around his waist and propelled him towards the last thug, his bo staff at the ready. The last thug fell as he was bashed by Robin.
Raven returned to her normal self and angrily walked over to Robin.
"You promised," she said.
"I'm sorry – the alarm went off and I had to go after them by myself, you were out cold. I wanted to stay with you, I knew you needed me," he said.
She sighed and shook her head, then took a deep breath and shut her eyes. Opening them again, she was calm, and collected.
"Fine, I understand, I'm just glad you're alright."
"Thanks for the rescue, you were great."
"Don't mention it. Hmm…"
"What?"
"Why don't we go to dinner? You can tell me all about this and we can have some fun."
"You read my mind."
"We can get another bottle of wine too, if you like."
"How could I say no to that?"
They got on his bike and rode off, passing cop cars and police vans that had arrived to collect the thugs. As they rode through the city, they decided on going to an Italian restaurant for dinner. Once they found the place, got a table, and had their food in front of them – Robin told Raven everything that Slade had said. He was surprised when she flinched when he mentioned the Joker, but she told him that she learned about Joker from her brief time in Robin's mind. They ate, discussing what they would do, how they would deal with Penguin, and the possibility of going to Gotham. When they finished eating, they rode over to the wine shop Raven had mentioned before. He got off the bike and walked inside. The owner saw Raven outside on Robin's bike and handed Robin a bottle of the same wine they had before.
"Hey, how often does she come and get one of these?" Robin asked.
"Well, when she started coming by, I'd see her maybe once every two months, but since…oh, I don't know, maybe four or five months back, I've seen her in here every other week, but this month she's been here once a week. Is she okay?" the owner asked.
"She is just dealing with a lot right now, but she's getting better."
"I hope that helps," the owner said, indicating the wine, "and I hope she's not going too crazy with it."
"No, she's responsible, at least from what I've seen."
"Oh, good. For future reference, are you her boyfriend?"
"I…guess you could say that, yeah, I'm Robin."
"I know your name, I was just curious. Give her my best."
"I will, and please don't tell anyone we're a couple, we haven't been together long."
"Not to worry, I won't, have a good evening."
"You too."
Taking the wine, Robin left the shop and handed the bottle to Raven, he hopped on the front of the bike and drove them back to the tower. He went to the living room and uploaded the tracker's frequency and details to the Titan computer and sent it to Batman as he had requested. Raven put the wine in the compartment behind the panel in the kitchen. She plopped down on the couch and he joined her once the tracker details had been sent.
"So, I talked to the shop owner," Robin said.
"Okay, and?" Raven asked.
"Sounds like you've been going there a lot," he said.
"Yeah, I have, I'm not proud of it, but it does help me cope."
"Why didn't you tell me?"
"I didn't want a lecture."
"You think I would lecture you?"
"I wasn't sure what you would do."
"Okay, I guess that's fair, I don't know if I would tell anybody either if it were me."
"I'm…I'm pathetic, aren't I?"
"No, you're not, don't say that – you're just not feeling well."
"I know."
"He asked me if I was your boyfriend," he said abruptly.
"And, um, what did you say?"
"Uh, basically, I said yes."
"Oh…did you mean it?"
"I think I did, but…what about you?"
"What? Am I your girlfriend?"
"Yeah, uh, do you think you are?"
"Umm…yes, I think so."
"So, it's official."
"Between us, yes, I just don't know if we should let the others know quite yet."
"Yeah, same here, but they're not here – so we don't have to worry about it."
"Plenty of other things to worry about," she said with a sigh, "I feel drained."
"I'm not surprised, after what happened earlier. You were feeling so bad, you made me cry."
"I know."
"Even after you fell asleep, you were still crying."
"I was?"
"Yeah."
"That's…really bad."
"Yeah."
She looked down at the floor, crossing her arms across her chest. He put his arm around her and gently pulled her close. She sighed and shut her eyes, taking deep breaths.
"Don't take this the wrong way, but, do you want to sleep with me tonight in my room? Maybe it will help you," he said.
"No, but thank you. Maybe another night," she said.
"Then come and wake me up if you're feeling bad again, I'm here if you need me," he said.
"Thank you," she said as she smiled.
Raven turned to Robin and kissed him softly on his lips. She broke away and rested her head on his shoulder, putting her arms around him. They sat like that for a while until Raven got tired and went to bed. Robin stayed up, watching TV, and eating some popcorn as he tried to relax so he could go to bed. In the back of his mind for the past few hours, he had heard the faint, insane, maniacal clown laugh of the Joker. He was worried about his friends and didn't know if he could handle losing one of them, or all of them. Despite Batman's assurance, he couldn't help but picture the death of Starfire, of Cyborg, of Beast Boy, of Raven, along his own death.
Turning off the TV, Robin walked back to his room and shut the door. He got out of his uniform and laid down on his bed, staring at the ceiling. He wished Raven had said yes to his invitation, he could use someone to talk him out of this. Why did it have to be the Joker?
