The next morning it snowed. I stood at the bus stop alone and watched it fall. Snow was fun to look at when you're running on two hours of sleep and a cup of coffee (that may have been spiked with a bit of whiskey). I stared at the snow and then closed my eyes. If I tried, I could sleep standing up.

I heard foot steps and then opened my eyes to see Kenny with a cigarette hanging from his lips. "Hey dude." I greeted.

"Jesus, you look like you haven't slept in a decade." Kenny commented. He took a long drag off his cigarette, probably trying to finish it before the bus came.

"I only got two hours of sleep." I informed him. He just shook his head as we waited for the bus. I put my hands into my pockets and closed my eye groaning, "I didn't ask for this."

"You two should stop slouching so much." Kyle, who seemed to have had just appeared out of thin air, commented.

"I'm grounded from you remember." I informed Kyle, opening my eyes and looked at him. "Thanks for breaking my lamp." I said, my voice thick with sarcasm.

Kyle shrugged and smiled slyly. "You know, I wouldn't have had to break that lamp if you would've just told me who you had a crush on."

"Stan has a crush on someone?" Kenny asked, he finished his cigarette and then dropped it in the growing snow on the ground.

Kyle stepped in front of me so he was closer to Kenny. "Yeah dude, I'm just trying to figure out which girl it is." Kyle explained to Kenny. In my tipsy and exhausted state I found it funny that Kyle thought I had a crush on a girl. I mean, I did call him cute once, I just figured he would've picked up on it just a little by now. I subconsciously laughed, making both of the turn towards me.

"What's so funny, Stan?" Kenny questioned.

"Nothing." I shrugged, but laughed again because that both looked so concerned. "I just spiked my coffee a little this morning."

"Man, goals." Kenny mumbled.

Kyle frowned slightly, "Why were you drinking before school?"

"I only got two hours of sleep last night. It's fine, it wasn't that much." I dismissed with a wave of my hand. The bus turned down the street and saved me from any further conversation for the moment.

"Cartman's not here, that's surprising." Kenny observed. No wonder it had been so quiet.

"Yeah, he's been acting strange. Maybe his mom sent him off to fat camp." Kyle remarked coldly. Ever since Cartman had found out Kyle was gay the string of insults between those two hadn't stopped for a second. Cartman's were always much worse than Kyle's, but Kyle had been coping.

Sometimes I would see hurt flash across Kyle's face when Cartman's comments got too bad. Usually Kenny would break them up by saying something to Cartman. I still felt bad for Kyle though. Sometimes he looked like a lost puppy that still trusted everyone and kept ending up getting hurt. Kyle could put up with Cartman's bullshit, but there was a line and sometimes he definitely crossed it. I worried about Kyle on those days except he usually just needed time to cool off. At least he didn't completely shut down when he was hurt, like I did.

We got on the bus and Kyle and I went to our usual seat in the back. We had been sitting back there since we were eight years old. To my surprise Cartman was already on the bus when we got on, he was sitting next to Wendy and seemed to be engaged in a conversation with her.

The bus ride to school was silent. Kyle seemed worried about me though, I just looked out the window the whole time. I could feel him watching me though, and I could almost see the concern painted on his face.

I fell asleep in first period, but so did Clyde so I at least I wasn't alone. The teacher threatened us with detention but somehow we got off the hook. I was happy too, because I probably would've just fallen asleep in detention.

Bebe and I walked to our next class, history, together. Ever since Wendy and I broke up and Kenny had moved on from Bebe she seemed to be clingy towards me. I didn't know how to tell her to fuck off kindly though so I just let her be. "You look so tired today." Bebe said, then she giggled softly as she linked an arm though mine.

"Mmhmm." I replied, half heartedly and uninterested. I think she was talking to me but I was distracted because I saw Kyle and Kenny talking to each other down the hallway. They seemed to be standing closer than usual and Kyle seemed to be leaning into the conversation. Kenny was grinning and making Kyle laugh, I felt something stir inside of me. Kyle grabbed one of Kenny's hands too look at it, they were all bandaged up, he held it in his hand for a second. Then he smiled at him and dropped it as they parted ways to go to class.

I was jealous. I had never seen Kyle and Kenny interact like that before. I couldn't be jealous, they were just friends, right? Then again, it was Kenny. They could be fucking each other and both be acting chill about it. Since Kyle wanted to keep his sexuality on the low and Kenny didn't talk about his causally fuck buddy relationships it could be possible.

"Stan?" Bebe asked as we stopped outside of English. "You haven't answered my question yet."

Shit.

I was so caught up in Kyle and Kenny that I hadn't heard a word that she said. "What was it again?" I asked, sheepishly.

"Do you want to come see a movie with me on Friday? Wendy's coming with her new boyfriend." Bebe was slightly annoyed, probably because I had missed her whole story. Wendy had a new boyfriend? I probably would've known that if I'd been paging attention. I was curious though.

"Yeah sure." I replied simply. Bebe's face brightened at my response.

"Yay! Just meet at the movie theater at seven, okay?" She said this clearly, making sure I was listening. Jesus, she must've really cared.

"I'll be there." I smiled at her and she returned the smile. I walked to my seat and sat down right as the bell rang. I sighed and looked at the clock, only two and a half more hours until lunch.

At lunch I felt worse than I did in the morning. Kyle didn't sit by me either, he sat next to Kenny. Cartman sat next to me. "I think I'm getting sick." Kyle groaned, "I feel like shit."

"I feel like shit too." I rested my head on the table and closed my eyes. I had been stewing about Kenny and Kyle too much. I was also thinking about Wendy and her new boyfriend. Who could it be?

"Where were you this morning, Cartman?" Kenny asked.

"I was with a friend." Cartman replied. I lifted my head to look at him. "Oh my god Stan, you look like death."

"Thanks fatass." I scowled at him. He just gave me a funny look.

"It's probably because you drank before school." Kyle chimed in very matter-of-factly.

"Jesus, it was just once." I groaned, "It won't happen again." That was a lie. It happened often, I would just stop telling them about it. I think they knew though, especially Kyle.

"There's probably an AA meeting today." Cartman quipped as he took another bite of his sandwich.

"You're the cum shot your mom should've swallowed." I mumbled, taking off my hat to run a hand through my hair.

"Here's a straw so you can suck my ass." Cartman threw a straw that he had been drinking his milk with at me.

"I'm going to decline that invitation." I responded, getting up and throwing away the rest of my lunch.

"I forgot you weren't a fag, since I'm surrounded by them all day." Cartman explained to me, gesturing to Kyle and Kenny. I just sighed and sat down next to him. I couldn't let Cartman find out that I had feelings for Kyle.

"I'm going to go smoke." Kenny declared, standing.

"I'm coming with you." Kyle said quickly, standing as well. Kyle didn't smoke. In fact he hated it, so why would he be going? I felt that strange jealousy return.

"Can I come too?" I asked a little too eagerly. "I don't want to be left alone with Cartman." I followed up quickly. Kenny nodded and the three of us all walked outside and off school grounds.

We sat on the curb near the edge of a foresty area. Snow was now blanketing the ground, I shivered, I should've worn more than just my jacket. "I'm glad the snow's back." Kyle commented, "It's so boring without it." He was sitting in between me and Kenny, as if something bad would happen if we sat next to each other.

I nodded in agreement with Kyle. "Give me a smoke, Kenny." I said, reaching towards him. He laid a cigarette and his lighter in my hand. I lit it and then tossed the lighter back to him. I smiled slightly as I took a long drag off the cigarette. I usually didn't smoke (drinking was more my style) but today it felt relaxing.

We all just sat in silence as Kenny and I smoked. Kenny finished his cigarette and then stood. "We're already late for foods." He informed us.

"It's foods, it'll be fine if we miss a day, or are late, or whatever." I decided. Foods was an easy class, I actually had an A in it, despite all the muffin mishap.

"Yeah, but it's my favorite class, I'm going to go." Kenny stated, before he left I got another cigarette and lit off my old one. "Are you coming Kyle?" Kyle shook his head. I dropped my first cigarette butt in the snow.

"Why the hell are you smoking?" Kyle questioned irritatedly.

I shrugged in response. "You don't get mad at Kenny for smoking." I pointed out.

"Yeah, well that's different. He's Kenny, you're Stan. You don't smoke."

"How do you know what I do and don't do?" I was starting to get annoyed now.

Kyle rolled his eyes, "Jesus Christ." He murmured, "I'm worried about you Stan."

"Don't be. I'm fine." I insisted as I stood. "Come on we need to go back to class." I dropped the rest of the cigarette into the snow, I didn't really want to finish it anyways. Kyle and I walked back towards the school.

During foods I came up with the perfect idea. I figured it would be hard to get Kyle to talk about Kenny, but I figured it would be easy to get Kenny to talk. I wanted to know. I couldn't invite Kyle over anyways because I was grounded from him.

"Hey Kenny, do you want to come over after school today?" I questioned after foods was over.

"Yeah sure." Kenny shrugged, I smiled. Now if only I could think of the perfect way to bring the subject of Kyle up.

Kenny sat on my bed eating a bag of potato chips. I hadn't said anything to him yet, I just sat at my desk and watched him eat. "So uh, what've you been up to lately?" I asked to fill the silence.

"Not much." Kenny shrugged and glanced at me. He stopped eating the chips and we just looked at each other. "So, what do you know?"

"Huh?" I questioned, confused. I was lost, I didn't know anything. Everything I thought was happening was just an assumption. But something was going on, maybe I wasn't going crazy.

I decided to take a shot, "About you and Kyle..." I trailed off, hoping Kenny would finish the thought for me.

"I should've know he would tell you." Kenny shook his head, "So yeah that happened."

I still had no idea what happened. I guess I had to say something now because I needed to know. "Dude wait, I don't know what happened. I just guessed." I confessed to him.

"That was a guess? Holy shit. How did you know?" Kenny looked surprised.

"It wasn't that hard to tell. You two were acting clingy today." I pointed out. I tried to not let my jealousy show but I'm pretty sure I sounded irritated. I didn't have anyone to be mad at except myself. No one knew I liked Kyle, I still couldn't really accept it.

"Hmm, that's true." Kenny sighed, "We hooked up yesterday."

Oh Jesus fucking Christ, I knew it. Kenny was clearly oblivious to my emotions, lucky for me. I was annoyed and I knew it was visible.

"Yeah it was great. I mean Kyle is so adorable, like for real dude I don't know how I didn't notice before. His hair is just, oh my god." Kenny gushed, "He's so attractive holy shit. He's even better in bed than I could've imagined, which is strange because he seems like such a goodie two shoes most of the time. He can suck dick really good though-"

"Kenny." I interrupted.

"Hmm?" Kenny stopped his story and looked at me again. I was going to tell him, I needed to tell him. If I didn't tell him he would keep sleeping with Kyle and they would keep acting all lovey in school.

The problem is, I couldn't do it. Shit, I shouldn't have stopped him. Now he was waiting for me to say something and I didn't have anything to say. "You need to stop sleeping with Kyle." I said as a lame cover up.

"What? Why do you care?" He seemed genuinely confused.

"Because Bebe's been hitting on me and I need that shit to stop. She misses you." I lied, "And what about Butters? You seemed really interested in him like, yesterday."

"Well for one, Bebe is a bitch. Butters just seems too hard to get into bed." Kenny explained and then he went back to eating chips.

"Bebe asked me out on a date, with Wendy and her new boyfriend. I agreed to go, but I don't really want to." I told him. I was mad at myself for chickening out, but I decided I just needed to change the subject. Kenny was hard to talk to sometimes.

It's not that I didn't trust him, it was just weird talking to him. I usually talked to Kyle about everything that was going on, I couldn't just switch and talk to Kenny. I decided if anyone was going to find out about my feeling for Kyle, Kyle had to be first to know.

"I'll come with you." Kenny said, smiling, "I'll bring Kyle too. Then maybe it won't be so awkward for you and Bebe to be alone, because let's face it; Wendy and her new man will probably ditch you two." He laughed and then grinned.

I didn't want Kenny to bring Kyle with him, I couldn't stand the thought of them being together. I needed to get it together though, before I did something I would really regret. "Yeah, it would be great if you guys came." I forced a smile.

"This'll be really fun. I haven't been to the movies in a long ass time." Kenny finished off the rest of the chips.

I nodded, I wasn't looking forward to it. "Wanna go play video games or something?" I asked, standing up, I slipped off my hat and ran a hand through my hair. Kenny nodded and stood as well.

We played video games until my mom made us come and eat dinner.

At dinner my parents seemed happy that I was hanging out with Kenny instead of Kyle. Maybe they knew what I had been hiding from everyone. "I'm glad you stayed for dinner, Kenny." My mom said, smiling sweetly.

"Yeah, I'm glad that Stan has a friend like you. He's grounded from Kyle, you know?" My dad informed Kenny as he took a bite of mashed potatoes.

"So I've heard." Kenny chuckled and glanced at me. "Kyle's not a bad kid though."

"I know, I just don't want him and Stan to hang around too much. People might think that they're, well... Funny." My dad seemed uncomfortable in saying this, my mom shot him a look. The thing was, I already was 'funny' for Kyle. If by funny he meant gay.

"You told me the same thing when I was eight." I pointed out. Not much has changed in mine and Kyle's relationship since then. My dad just shrugged and went back to eating.

Dinner was mostly silent after that. Occasionally Kenny would comment about how good the food was, or my mom would talk about something crazy that had happened to her today. I told them about how tired I was, man I needed to fucking sleep.

After dinner Kenny had to go home so I decided to go upstairs and go to bed. I grabbed my phone and noticed I had a text from Kyle, it just said to call him when I got the chance. I groaned but call him anyways. I decided Kyle was more important than sleep.

He answered after two rings, "Dude I have so much to tell you." He sounded really happy. I didn't know if I could stand listening to him talk about Kenny.

"Kenny already told me about some of it... Well the hooking up part." I yawned as I crawled under the covers.

"Yeah..." Kyle laughed after a minute, "It was nice." He admitted.

"Mhmm." I replied. I didn't want to lay here and have Kyle tell me all the same things Kenny had told me earlier. I listened anyways though because that's what friends are for.

Kyle talked for a lot longer than Kenny did. Damn, he seemed to really like him. Every time he mentioned that Kenny's eyes were "deep like the ocean" or "as blue as the sky" I felt myself get a little more jealous. I almost felt bad because compared to Kyle's interest in Kenny, Kenny seemed like he had a little kid with a crush. Kyle seemed to be in love, but I thought he was jumping into it too fast. Maybe I just wanted to convince myself that he was, and that maybe, just maybe, there was still a chance that I could confess and everything would end like a fairytale.

"I want Kenny to be my boyfriend." Kyle stated, he sounded so sure that it almost hurt me.

"What? Are you sure?" I asked, sitting upright in bed. Kyle and Kenny couldn't get into a relationship.

"Yeah." I could almost hear Kyle smiling through the phone. I tried to think of reasons this relationship wouldn't work, why it shouldn't start in the first place. I was grasping at straws.

"Dude, you hooked up with him once. I don't think you should be jumping into a relationship right away, he's Kenny." I spurted, it was a lame excuse but it was all I had right now.

"Dude I've know him all my life though." Kyle argued, "Besides Kenny is pretty attractive." I didn't want to think about Kenny being attractive. I couldn't think of him being attractive, I could only think about Kyle at the moment.

Kyle who had cute marmalade curls. Kyle who's laugh floated through the air and filled up the room. Kyle who got red in the face every time he got insulted by Cartman. Beautiful, perfect Kyle.

Damn, I guess there was no denying my feelings for Kyle now.

While I was off in fantasy land Kyle had still been talking- ranting, about why it was a good idea to date Kenny. I realized, as I listened to him talk about Kenny, that I wasn't being very supportive of him. Kyle had always been supportive of me and the things I did, even if it was getting back together with Wendy for the eleventh time. Sometimes I wondered what Kyle would do if it was the other way around. Kyle was so selfless and kind, he always seemed to be doing something good.

Too bad I wasn't anything like Kyle.

I was a selfish bastard. I didn't want Kyle to date Kenny, and I didn't care of Kenny's feelings got hurt in the process. Kenny's feelings probably wouldn't get hurt anyways, he'd just move on to someone else. Kyle would end up getting hurt in the end, I thought that was pretty obvious to see

"Kyle." I cut him off mid rant. "I'm just worried about you Kye. Kenny doesn't really get into relationships, he just kind of sleeps around." I pointed out, I absentmindedly pulled a thread out of my comforter.

"Stan, I'm sure it'll be fine. I'll make sure to take things slow with him I guess... I don't know." Kyle sighed, "We haven't really had time to talk. My parents don't really like him and all."

"Yeah, well he is Kenny Mcwhoremick." I snickered, Kyle laughed too, we both knew it was true.

"I'll just have to convince them that he's not that bad." Kyle continued, he didn't even miss a beat. He really had his heart set on dating Kenny. I felt my heart sink slightly at that thought. I didn't want to lose Kyle, I wanted him to be mine.

I couldn't understand why this was so difficult for me. When I had a crush on Wendy it was easy to tell her I liked her (besides the occasional throwing up). With Kyle it was a completely different story. I felt afraid to let him know. Jesus, what was wrong with me?

I yawned tiredly, "Kyle? Can I go to sleep? We can talk about this tomorrow."

Kyle sighed softly on the other end of the line, "Yeah, sleep good dude."

"Goodnight." I said to him before I hung up. God, Kyle and I even gave each other goodnight calls. It couldn't get much gayer than this.

I woke up the next morning for school and I was in physical pain. I felt like I had been thrown off a building. I groaned as I got out of bed, quickly throwing on my clothes. I didn't want to be late, that would be about the worst thing right now. I glanced out the window and saw that there was already a blanket of snow covering the town, dammit I wish we got snow days.

After eating a bagel for breakfast and really debating weather I should drink some spiked coffee again, I left for the bus stop. I really wanted that coffee, but I knew Kyle would be upset if he knew I was drinking. I decided if I acted like a better person maybe Kyle would like me more than Kenny, except Kenny wasn't really an outstanding citizen.

When I got to the bus stop only Cartman was there. "Hey fatass." I greeted as I stuffed my hands in my jacket pockets. It was so unnaturally quiet without the sound of Kyle and Cartman fighting.

"Morning hippie." Cartman replied. We stood in silence and waited for the bus. I never really hung out with Cartman alone, it was weird to do so. I always felt as if there was tension between us because of the way he treated Kyle, I mean I usually took Kyle's side in every argument.

Just as the bus turned the corner Kenny ran up to the bus stop. "Hey!" He said, out of breath from the run. "Where's Kyle?"

I shrugged, "Dunno." I replied halfheartedly, but I was wondering where he was too. He almost never missed school.

School was pretty quiet without Kyle there. I didn't get so much as a text from him. Kenny seemed worried all day too, at lunch he went out and smoked the whole time, then he was late to foods.

I was annoyed at this. Kenny had never seemed to care for Kyle before now, but now he suddenly did. Kenny didn't seem too care much for anyone really. Most of the time he seemed emotionally detached and absent, but now he seemed to be really worried. If Kenny cared for Kyle my whole plan of their relationship crashing before it even takes off was ruined.

I gave Kenny the cold shoulder all day, even Cartman noticed. Kenny was blissfully unaware.

When the day was over and we were getting off the bus Kenny put a hand on my shoulder. "Wanna go check up on Kyle, you know, make sure he's still alive?" The question was accompanied by a crooked smile.

It never occurred to me that Kyle could've been seriously hurt. "He could actually be dead dude!" I pointed out to him. I doubted that he was, his mom would make it known to the whole town that Kyle was dead before noon.

Kenny waved his hand dismissively, "Dying isn't even that big of a deal. No one seemed to care when it happened to me." He stated.

I just raised and eyebrow. "If you died, then how are you here?" I asked. Kenny sometimes said things like this. When we were in middle school he tried to convince us that he died a lot as a kid. We never really understood his motives though, I guess it was just a joke or something.

Kenny shook his head, "Let's go to Kyle's." Cartman had slipped away during our conversation, I wondered where he was alway off too after school in such a hurry.

I sighed as I started to follow Kenny to Kyle's house. I didn't want to go, I didn't want to see them together. But it was either go make sure Kyle was okay or wait in suspense. I decided Kyle was more important that being uncomfortable for awhile.

Hey! I know I've been gone for a long time but I got grounded and didn't get the chance to update. I'm back now so the updates should be more regular from now on. Thank you for all the wonderful reviews, you guys are so sweet! A new chapter will be up soon~