My parents weren't home after school, which was perfect because I had brought Kyle home with me. I was ready to take shit from my parents, but luckily that wouldn't have to happen. "It feels like it's been forever since we've hung out." Kyle commented, he smiled as he walked into the kitchen.

"Yeah, you've been too busy fucking Kenny." I tried to say this in a joking manner but I think some bitterness seeped through. Kyle rolled his eyes and picked up an apple.

"I think I finally got my appetite back, you know, from my cold?" Kyle took a bite of the apple.

"That's good dude." As much I loved small talk (sarcasm), this conversation was weirder than usual. Why was it taking effort to talk to Kyle? It was probably just because things had been so off lately.

Kyle looked at me, and I just looked back at him. "What were you going to tell me?" Kyle asked, he took another bite of the apple.

I hadn't prepared for this moment. I felt my palms start to sweat, so I shoved than in the pocket of my sweatshirt. I shouldn't have been nervous, I didn't want to be nervous. It was really no big deal, right? Kyle was gay, I don't think he'd disown me for being bi.

I opened my mouth and started to feel the words come out. It was only two simple words, yet they wouldn't come out. My worry dragged them back down my throat and wouldn't let them escape my lips.

This will all turn out okay. This will all turn out okay. This will all turn out okay. This will all turn out okay-

My heart beat rapidly as the words crawled back up my throat, this time being to be released. Kyle raised an eyebrow at my nervous state. I felt like I was going to throw up. "I'm bisexual." I finally stated.

After it was like a ton of bricks had been lifted off my shoulders. Except the worry wasn't over because Kyle still hadn't responded. He had stopped eating his apple and was just looking at me. "Really?"

I nodded, "Yes really."

"Dude, does that mean the crush you told me you had on someone could be a boy?" Kyle asked, damn he really seemed to be stuck on this crush thing. His eyes seemed to light up at this though, his eyes were so beautiful. They were the kind of green that reminded you of spring and grass that occasionally poked through the snow. When the light hit them just right they shimmered and shined. The best part about Kyle's eyes was the brown flecks around the edges. They looked like the color of kelp on the shore with driftwood intertwined.

I noticed I was staring, I turned away my face hearing with embarrassment. "It is." I answered simply, "Otherwise I wouldn't have told you."

"Well shit, who is it?" Kyle asked, the way he asked it almost sounded apathetic. I turned back towards him, he had a weird look on his face. It was a mix of worry and something unreadable, he took another bite of the apple.

"I can't tell you."

"We're best friends Stan, we tell each other everything." Kyle pointed out. I wasn't so sure about this, I just felt like Kyle was hiding something. It was a nagging feeling in my gut, telling me something was wrong.

"Then tell me what the fuck's been going on." A flash of annoyance followed, everyone was acting so strange.

Kyle looked at me, it was a blank stare. I think he was feeling guilty, but guilty for what? What was he upset about? I had no idea, and no one would talk. "Nothing." He answered finally.

"You're a shitty liar."

"Nothing's going on." He insisted, he finished his apple and then threw away the core. I didn't believe him. I knew he knew I didn't believe him.

The air was tense between us. The silence was so thick you could cut it with a knife. I stood unmoving letting everything sink in. Kyle knew that I was bi now Had he know all along? Maybe I had been acting really gay for the past few years and just hadn't noticed. Maybe Kyle knew I had a crush on him, I did call him cute that one time.

Kyle stood with his hands in his pockets, looking at the floor. He looked concentrated and deep in thought about something. He noticed me looking at him, "You know what I just remembered?" He questioned, it turned out to be rhetorical because he answered it himself. "I promised Kenny I'd call him after school. I'll be right back." Kyle gave an uncomfortable laugh and then walked out the back door.

I stood in my kitchen for a moment. I could see him through the sliding glass door, he was pacing as he got out his phone and called Kenny. I watched for a moment more before my curiosity got too great.

I quickly climbed the stairs and went into my room. I opened my window letting in a burst of frigid air. After living in South Park for so long the cold was all just natural, if it wasn't cold it wasn't normal.

My window overlooked my backyard. I figured I would be able to listen in on Kyle's conversation, even with the interruption of the wind. I tried to listen, I could only catch bits and pieces of the conversation.

"Dude, we might be worse that Cartman." Kyle's voice carried through the wind. He said other stuff too, but I couldn't catch it. After a long period of silence and muffled talking, the wind slowed and allowed to me to hear again. "Not too much longer. I'm going back inside, I'm freezing my balls off. See you tomorrow, Kenny."

What could he be talking about? The fact that I had just sat up in my room to hear those two tidbits of information was annoying. I thought it was going to be a good, juicy conversation that was secret revealing (and maybe it had been). I guess I would have to be stuck in this never ending tunnel of confusion.

An unsettling feeling began welling inside me. There was something wrong- but I couldn't tell quite what was going on. I felt as if I had entered a house with a gas stove left on; the atmosphere was dense and strange yet invisible to my eyes. Something was amiss, but what was it? I felt like I was missing the big picture, like I had a few of the pieces but not quite enough to figured out the puzzle.

I quickly closed the window as I heard the back door open. I got up and walked downstairs to see Kyle, he looked as calm as ever. Was I just overthinking all this? "What were you doing?" He asked.

"I was in the bathroom." I lied, he raised an eyebrow. "The one upstairs is better."

Kyle just nodded and looked at me. "I should get going." He sighed, "I have to watch Ike tonight, my parents are going to a thing."

I smiled, it didn't feel like a happy smile though, my mind was still swimming. "Have fun babysitting.

Kyle laughed, "It'll be a blast, I'm sure of it."

That evening I sat at my desk thinking about the events from earlier today. I was holding a can of beer, because I had learned my lesson about drinking S'more Schnapps, at least for now. I figured that at some point I would need to get this drinking habit of mine under control, but on the other hand I decided it could wait until later. I'd burn that bridge when I came to it.

I took a sip of beer and looked at the papers spread out on my desk. They were all worksheets from school that I just didn't have the motivation to do. My grades were slipping fast and the end of the quarter was coming up. It was like I was standing by and just watching my grades sink, they were all below C level, I smiled to myself. That smile was quickly replaced with a frown as I realized I seriously needed to get my shit together.

I didn't understand. I used to be happy, past tense, used to. Now I just wasn't so sure. I felt like I spent a lot of my time drinking, or sleeping, or thinking about all the work I needed to do without actually doing it. It felt like I had fallen into a bottomless pit with nothing to grab on to, I was swamped with negative emotions and I didn't enjoy it.

I didn't even know if I would classify myself as being sad. I wasn't exactly sad, at least not at the moment. I just felt nothing. It was a heavy feeling, it ate away at my heart and left me feeling empty.

I had never felt more alone in my life. Even Kyle had been acting weird and keeping secrets, didn't he trust me anymore? I took another sip from the can, as if the answer to everything laid in the bottom of it. I finished it off and sighed, now the can and I were just alike, empty.

I couldn't have even cried if I wanted to, there was nothing there. No tears to be shed, no anger, no happiness, there was nothing. I felt dizzy from drinking so fast, but somehow it made me feel better. I was numb, in that moment I had stopped caring about everyone acting weird. It didn't matter to me anymore. All the work I had to do didn't matter either, nothing mattered. I smiled to myself. This was an amazing breakthrough, it was a tipsy thought, but I'm sure it had some truth in it.

There was a ping against my window and I turned too look at it, confused. There was another ping and this time I stood up and walked over to it, opening it. Out in my backyard stood Kenny McCormick, I opened the window. "Let me in." He called up to me. I shut the window and walked downstairs, opening the back door and letting him in. "Can I crash here tonight?" He asked, he looked worried, Kenny never looked worried so I figured it must've been pretty bad.

None of us really knew what was up with Kenny. In middle school he started to refuse to let us come over to his house. I just figured he didn't have a very good home life, or something changed in middle school. Eventually we all just stopped prying and let Kenny continue on acting strange. Eventually his strange secretiveness tapered off, and we all just stopped caring. As we got older we realized that we probably didn't want to know if Kenny didn't want to tell us. He was basically an open book without a filter, anything he kept secret probably should remain that way.

"Yeah, but I'm making you sleep on the couch." There was no way I was letting Kenny sleep in my bed, especially because I would probably be waking up with a headache tomorrow.

"Dude, your couch is lumpy as fuck. Why can't we both just sleep in your bed?" Kenny asked, he ran a hand through his messy blonde hair.

"Don't you think Kyle would have a problem with that?" I shook my head, "You're sleeping on the couch."

This had been the first time Kenny had been over to sleep since August. Now his worry had subsided and he just looked tired. "Fine, fine."

It wasn't even that late, only about eight thirty. My mom walked downstairs and saw me and Kenny standing in the kitchen. "Oh, hello Kenny. Are you staying the night?" She knew how often Kenny stayed over, Kenny nodded in response.

"Want me to make you some soup?" My mom questioned, smiling softly.

"I'd love that, Mrs. Marsh." Kenny laid on the extra charm. My parents saw him as a good, sweet, innocent kid, when in all reality he was a fucking pain in the ass. I think he could sweet talk his way out of anything if he tried hard enough.

Kenny relentlessly complimented my mom on her soup after only taking a bite. "Well at least someone appreciates my cooking." My mom laughed and then she left me and Kenny alone. We were sitting in the living room, Kenny with the soup on his lap.

"Do you want me to get you some lipstick?" I asked.

"Huh?"

"For all that ass kissing." I laughed, he rolled his eyes.

"Dude are you drunk?" Kenny questioned, shoveling soup into his mouth.

I opened my mouth to defend myself, but I realized I had nothing to say. I had chugged down a beer about an hour ago, then drank another just before Kenny had appeared in my backyard. "Dammit, how'd you know?"

"You act different." Kenny pointed out. I didn't think I acted too different, especially since I was just slightly tipsy. Maybe Kenny had just been around me and drunk me enough to know the difference.

After Kenny finished his soup he went to go put his bowl in the sink. When he came back he looked at me intently, "You should get some sleep."

"No, wait, I have to ask you something first." I motioned for Kenny to come sit next to me. "Why have things been so weird around here lately?"

"How the hell should I know?" Kenny looked at me, he knew. He had to know.

"Well what's been going on?"

"Stan, I think maybe you're just having a hard time accepting Wendy and Cartman are dating. Look I know you thought Wendy was the one or whatever, but she really ain't shit. You're better off without her-"

"No." I cut Kenny off before he could say anymore. "What's been up with Kyle? What the fuck's been up with you?"

Kenny let out a long sigh, "You're going to have to be more specific than that."

"Fine. Why did you, the biggest man slut in South Park, decide to get into a steady relationship with Kyle?" I questioned, I still couldn't wrap my mind around that one. That was the strangest part of it all, Kenny had changed so suddenly.

Kenny seemed to be debating this, he ran a hand through his hair and then looked down at the ground. His eyes seemed to darken when he did so. "People change." He said simply.

"That's not a fucking answer." I was irritated by all of this. "Give me a straight answer."

"I can't do anything straight." Kenny stated, a familiar grin spreading across his face. Jesus, why was everyone around me so gay? It was like I was stuck in a teen girls fanfiction or something.

I just shook my head, my annoyance outweighed my will to laugh at Kenny's shitty joke. "For real dude."

Kenny threw his arms up in defeat. "I just wanted to get in a serious relationship. I like Kyle." Kenny shrugged, "Nothing more too it. You know what they say, people change."

"It's people never change." I corrected.

"Whatever, what else has been so weird that you can't understand?" Kenny asked, lacing his fingers together and putting them behind his head.

"Why has Kyle been acting so secretive? I figured you would know, because, well..." I tried to word this without sounding jealous. "Because you're his boyfriend." I finished up, unemotionally.

"It's a surprise." Kenny shrugged and closed his eyes. "You'll have to wait and see." The way Kenny was acting so nonchalant about this worried me. Kenny was pretty chill, but never this chill about anything.

"Tell me what it is." I begged, it probably wasn't good.

Kenny's eyes opened and glanced at me. "It's whatever." He stood up stretching. "I'm tired as fuck, I'm going to the bathroom and then I'm going to sleep." He left the room and I sighed, he was no help. I guess that was to be expected though.

I walked upstairs and grabbed a blanket and some pajama's for him, leaving them on the couch before going up to my room to disappear for the night.

Kenny was being difficult, I didn't like it. Kyle was being secretive, I didn't like that either. Everything just seemed to be tumbling out of control. I'm sure it was, I knew that it was. I sighed as I stripped down to my boxers and climbed into bed. I guess I would just have to pester Kyle and Kenny again tomorrow to get some answers.

The next morning I woke up with a headache, as expected. I quickly got a shower, got dressed, then walked downstairs to find painkillers. This had become sort of a habit for me, it made me upset that I did this so often. At the same time though, being sober all the time didn't seem fun.

Kenny was sitting at the kitchen table eating a bowl of cereal. "You know what dude? Sometimes I just think about moving in with you." He confessed through a mouthful of cereal.

"Mhmm..." I murmured, I was making coffee. I wasn't interested in what Kenny was saying, I was still annoyed about last night. Now, with my hangover headache, it just seemed to be worse.

"I mean, you guys always have food, and your parents are so nice." Kenny gushed, "I could never leave Karen though."

This was all mindless chatter. Why was Kenny telling me this? I grabbed a mug and poured myself some coffee before sitting down across the table from Kenny.

"Thanks for letting me stay here all the time." Kenny added, sincerely.

"It's no big deal." I shrugged and drank my coffee. Kenny and I had a weird relationship. I always thought he was closer to me than Kyle and Cartman, now he was dating Kyle though so I wasn't sure. Maybe Kenny and Cartman had been best friends this whole time. Who knows? Kenny never mentions things like that. His topics of conversation stick strictly to who's the best in bed and other things I usually didn't care about.

And now Kenny was dating Kyle. I didn't want to think about that.

My stomach had started to flutter wen I was around Kyle, then I would think 'Oh shit, this is real'. Then I'd have to remind myself Kyle was with Kenny and it wouldn't work out. Not even Bebe could convince me that Kyle and I had a chance. Any confidence I had in this situation was gone.

"We should head to the bus stop." I sighed, standing to put my coffee mug in the sink. Kenny put his cereal bowl in as well. I grabbed my bag and together we headed to the bus stop.

The sun was shining and snow still covered the ground. The walk to the bus stop was short but the air was freezing. It was colder than usual, even with the sunlight. When we got to the bus stop Cartman and Kyle were standing there.

Kyle had a pissed off look on his face, arms crossed and staring straight forward. Cartman on the other hand looked sly and smug. Kenny and I glanced at each other, knowing they were probably fighting.

"You're such a fag, Kyle." Cartman jeered, "How man dicks have you sucked this week?"

Cartman was still getting a a kick out of Kyle being gay. I think he was tired of making Jew jokes and was happy to have new material to work with.

"You're such a fat fuck Cartman." Kyle groaned.

Cartman wasn't finished with Kyle yet though. "Have you came out yet?" It was rhetorical, "Oh right you can't, your mom's a bitch."

"Don't call my mom a bitch you fatass!" I could hear the anger steadily rising in Kyle's voice. Kenny and I knows better than to get in the middle of their fighting now.

"I can just imagine you coming out." Cartman cleared his throat and did a terrible impression of Kyle. "Hey mom, dad, I have some news. I'm a big fat fucking faggot. In my free time I suck dicks for fun." Cartman laughed turning away.

I saw anger flicker in Kyle's eyes, then a somewhat devious grinned spread across his face. "You know what Cartman?" He asked, his voice calm and steady. Kenny and I looked at each other again, tension in the air rising.

"What is it, Jew?" Cartman asked, he finished up his laughing session. Kyle pulled off one of his gloves with his mouth, then removed the other one.

"Cartman I fucking hate you, you stupid piece of shit!" Kyle yelled, lunging at Cartman, landing a punch right on his nose. It didn't stop there though, he continued to punch Cartman and soon it was a one sided fist fight; Kyle beating up Cartman and Cartman trying to fight back or escape- I wasn't really sure.

Kenny and I were stunned and not quite sure what to do. Kyle and Cartman hardly got physical, I guess Kyle was just at the end of his rope. Kenny jumped between them, "Stop it you fucking idiots!" He cried out, catching their attention.

"Kenny move." Kyle growled, but I grabbed him around the waist to pull him back.

Cartman stood with a bleeding nose, he covered it with a hand. "You little piece of shit, I outta kill you." Cartman's eyes flared with anger.

Kenny turned towards Cartman. "Come on let's go get you cleaned up." He said pushing on Cartman, forcing him to walk the other way. I heard Cartman mumble more hateful things about Kyle as Kenny lead him away.

I let go of Kyle and he turned to me, he looked annoyed. "Stan, you should've let me beat him up more."

"Dude, you could've gotten really hurt if he decided to fight back!" I defended. Cartman was a lot bigger than Kyle. I think Cartman knew that that punch was coming, Cartman usually deserved to be punched for something.

Kyle groaned, "I know, I know. I just snapped, okay? Cartman seriously pisses me off and I've been stressed with all the... Stuff that's been going on lately." He huffed. Kyle admitted there had been 'stuff' going on lately, I wondered what that 'stuff' was.

"Kyle tell me what's going on." I pleaded.

"Well let's see, I just beat up Cartman and- oh shit! If my mom finds out I'm going to be dead dude." Kyle turned pale, "Fucking shit, I'm fucking dead."

"Cartman won't tell anyone." I assured him, "He had it coming."

Kyle nodded, but I knew he didn't believe me. "Yeah."

The conversation had shriveled up and died when the bus pulled up. The bus ride was silent. By second period Cartman was back in class with a black eye. I didn't talk to him, there was nothing to be said.

In the hallway I overhead him telling Wendy about the incident. Wendy seemed really upset and worried, Cartman reassured her multiple times that he was okay.

At lunch Cartman sat with Wendy. Kyle looked tired but I knew he was just stressing about Cartman. "Dude just bride Cartman with something, he's easy." Kenny advised, placing a hand in Kyle's shoulder.

Kyle sighed, "It's not that easy. I've just been stressed lately, Kenny."

"Stressed about what?" Kenny asked, Kyle looked at him. They seemed to be talking through their eyes. "Oh, gotcha."

"Guys?" I piped up from across the table. "What's going on?"

"Well you see-" Kenny started, then he was interrupted.

"Khal, I'm going to tell your mom about this." Cartman, who had somehow appeared beside me stated.

Kyle jumped up, "Don't you dare fatass!"

"Give me one good reason I shouldn't."

Kyle stood dumbfounded, he had no ideas. There wasn't any reason Cartman shouldn't tell someone.

"You had it coming." I mumbled, taking a bite of my sandwich.

"Stan, you can't actually be siding with him." Cartman sneered, narrowing his eyes at me.

"Cartman, you're a fucking idiot. You can't just provoke someone like that and then not expect to get beat up. Honestly what did you think would happen? Kyle would just laugh it off and forgive you immediately? You of all people should know how quick Kyle gets set off. Stop being a dumbass." I criticized, then things got silent.

Now it was Cartman's turn to be baffled. Kyle crossed his arms and looked at him. "Let's just call it a truce for now."

Cartman sighed deeply, like this was all a burden on his soul. "Fine." He dragged it out, "But I'm warning you. One more thing and I'll make sure your mom knows."

Kyle narrowed his eyes as Cartman left. "What a fucking jackass."

Kenny didn't smoke today, so for once he was on time to foods class. We had to cook, it was some weir stir fry dish. It included broccoli, which we left Cartman to deal with.

Kenny put the oil into the pan and tried to get it to a heat where it wasn't popping. It didn't really work, there was hot oil everywhere. "It says here to add the vegetables." Kyle read off the recipe. "How's that broccoli coming fatass?"

Cartman was holding the bag of broccoli upside down. "It's fucking stuck."

"Well open it more." Suggested Kenny, very matter of factly. He walked over to help Cartman, this only made things worse. I guess the bag was pretty hard to open, or they were just stupid. "You pull that way, and I'll pull this way." Kenny said, they pulled. The bag of broccoli split open and it flew everywhere. The classroom got silent and all eyes turned to us.

The teacher sighed deeply, "You four, please come talk to me after class."

By the time we finished cleaning up the broccoli class had ended. We gathered at the teachers desk in the front of the room. "Why would you guys taking cooking class? You alway mess up the recipes and have no passion. Cooking is a science and an art, you must love it to do it."

"I didn't sign up for this class." Cartman interjected.

"Neither did I." Kenny mumbled after.

The teacher glanced between us. "So none of you took it?" She questioned, raising an eyebrow. We all shook our heads and she sighed in exasperation. I figured that at this point she didn't know what to do with us so she wrote us notes for being late to our next class. "What happened to your eye?" She asked Cartman as she handed him a note.

I watched as Kyle bite his lip, probably saying a prayer that Cartman wouldn't say anything. "I got hit in the face with a baseball." Cartman lied, the teacher looked concerned, but we left before anything else could be done. He looked mad, I would be mad too if I had to lie about where I got my black eye from. Especially if the guy who gave me a black eye was in the same room as me.

The next few weeks were pretty uneventful. Cartman had returned to teasing Kyle, and Kyle and Kenny still acted weird. On the bright side my birthday was in two days, on the downside my birthday was on a Monday.

It was a Saturday afternoon and I had gotten Kyle to come over without Kenny. I was no longer banned from him, so now he could come and go freely. We sat on my couch, watching a weird sci-fi movie that was on tv. Kyle had been acting more withdrawn lately, it had been bugging me.

"Dude, is everything alright?" I asked him, he turned towards me.

"Everything's fine." He smiled, looking into my eyes with his perfect green ones. I felt my stomach flutter.

"Remember a few weeks ago when you said you were stressed out? Well are you still stressed?"

Something flickered across Kyle's face when I said that. "Yeah, but I probably won't be. For too much longer."

"Huh?" I was more confused than ever.

"I mean, Kenny and I... We..." Kyle trailed off and the shook his head. "I don't know."

Was he having relationship problems with Kenny? I hoped they were, I hoped they broke up. I felt selfish and rude for thinking that, but I wanted it to happen. "What's going on with you two?" I asked causally, sinking back into the couch.

Kyle shrugged, "Nothing." He answered bluntly. He looked back at the tv. "Your birthday's in two days, are you excited?"

"Yeah, but I'll be seventeen. That's fucking old." I pointed out, moving along with the conversation change.

"Yeah, what do you want for yous birthday?" Kyle seemed uninterested in the conversation, I was too. Small talk was the worst, but how was I supposed to get anything deeper when Kyle was shutting me out.

"A car." I replied simply. I didn't know why I wanted a car. It wasn't like I could drive away from my problems with it.

"Nice."

And just like that the conversation died. That had happened a lot lately, the conversation never lasted. Kyle always ended it after I tried to get him to talk. He's always change the subject and then finish off the conversation. It was a dead end and I was starting to give up.

I was starting to accept the fact that Kyle no longer trusted me. Even though he never came out and said it, I just assumed he felt that way. A few times I thought he could've just been planning a surprise birthday party or something, but no one in South Park can keep their goddamn mouth shut about shit like that.

I figured that only him and Kenny knew, and it was only effecting me. No one else mentioned weird things going on. No one else had weird secrets that they wouldn't share.

I glanced at Kyle, who was now concentrated on the show. He looked tired. He wasn't wearing his hat so his cute hair was exposed. It was strange to see it, strange in a good way.

If he noticed me staring he didn't say anything. I'm glad he didn't because I didn't want anything awkward to go down between us. Kyle was Kenny's now, and I guess I had to accept that.

Woohoo~! I actually updated this a lot sooner than usual. Thanks for all the support ^^