Chapter 17 of In Love & War

The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return.

Author: Isabelle

Summary: Post 1.13. Chuck Bass left New York after he lost Blair and Nate in one day. Years later, a deep economic crisis has left the world broke, and the only family in the UES with money left is the Bass family and its sole heir: Chuck Bass. Eleanor convinces Blair to marry Chuck for his money, but all the feelings Blair left buried a long time ago start to surface when she realizes he's not the man she thought he was. CB. NV.

Disclaimer: I own nothing, not Gossip Girl, not any quotes/lyrics used.

Rating: PG-15

A/N – A special thanks to the ever lovely Tatiana for her BETA.

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"Love me still, but know not why."
John Wilbye

All Blair could see before her was this man, this beautiful man, full of passion, full of life, and asking her to choose him. She should've chosen him a long time ago, she realized – and it was that realization that made her lean forward and kiss him. To tell him a million things with her lips, to give him her soul in this kiss.

She felt her own legs melting under her as he responded to her kiss, meeting her just as fervently. It was a dream; her own dream becoming reality.

It was a world apart from the one she had lived in all of her life. Then she heard him yelp against her lips, and she quickly pulled back, her eyes wide and worried. He was grimacing, pressing his hand to his bandaged chest.

"Oh, God, I'm sorry!" She moved around him and helped him sit. He was breathing harshly.

But his eyes never left her, despite his obvious pain.

She took a seat next to him and stared back at him, then leaned in and took his hand from where he had it pressed against her chest, taking it slowly and surely in hers. He watched her with slightly parted lips. Then, with her eyes locked on his chest, she took the bottom of his t-shirt and slowly pulled it up as he tried to raise his arms without passing out. Once it was off, she stared at his bare torso, swathed in bandages. She gestured to his hands, and he let her pull him up so that they were once more facing one another, this time wearing less clothing.

She glanced briefly at his eyes, and then licked her lips. She took the hem of her own shirt and pulled it over her head. His mouth went dry. Slowly, she unclasped her bra and, with wide eyes, let it drop on the floor so that they matched in their semi-nakedness.

Her small hands slowly went to the elastic on his pants, and he took a sharp breath as they slid under the band and pulled it down his slim hips, past his growing erection, until his pants pooled at the bottom of his bare feet. She bit her lips as he carefully stepped out of them. She took a breath and, with their eyes locked, slowly unclasped her pants, unzipping them and tugging them down her legs until they pooled at the bottom of her own feet.

He watched as she stepped out of them. He saw her visibly swallow as she reached out and gently grasped the strap of his boxers and slowly, with their still eyes locked – caramel on dark brown – pulled them down until they too had joined the collection of clothing on the floor.

Placing her hands on her own panties, she slowly slipped out of them so that they both stood naked before one another.

"What are you doing, Blair?" He asked, his voice low and raspy – like he was holding on to his composure by a single thread; a single magical thread.

"I'm… going to bathe you," she said softly. And his mouth dropped. She took his hand and led him to the bath, stepping into the water herself. She looked at him, and he slowly stepped into the tub. They faced one another as the water hit them at knee-level. She reached out and slowly undid the bandages on his chest. The white strips slowly revealed his swollen and slowly healing chest. He looked down at it and scowled. She watched him and stepped forward, then bent forward and placed a soft kiss on an angry red patch.

His hand went to her hair, and he pulled her up, touching her cheek. She leaned her face into his hand, holding it there with her own hand, then slowly pressed her lips against his palm.

And then they were standing once more before each other.

"A new game, Bass," she whispered, her face incredibly close to his as he inhaled her scent. "Things we should've said at seventeen."

He smiled slightly, enjoying the feel of them swaying in a pool of shallow, warm water.

"You first," he replied. He had, after all, already said one thing he should've said back then. It was her turn to respond.

A small smile formed at her lips, and he saw what he hardly ever saw. A sweet pink blush made its way across her cheeks.

"I, Blair Waldorf… Choose you, Chuck Bass and no one else," she whispered and he felt all the pain from the morning slip away. His heart felt lighter than it had ever felt.

"No more words," he said and pulled her to him, careful of his wound, and then kissed her. A sweet and gentle kiss, a kiss to convey what he was feeling. His chin trembled under the onslaught of emotion, and she felt it. When he pulled back, a single tear she had been unable to hide slid out of her eye and made a track down her face. Their fingers brushed lightly together.

She slowly sunk into the water and looked up at him as he slowly kneeled in the large tub and with her help sunk in, letting the warm water sooth his wounds. She pressed her bare chest to his back and gently washed him. Washed his hair, washed his back, and then they would stop and kiss, lingering lips as their hands intertwined and as they wordlessly healed all the past painful moments.

She would tell you, years later; these were the moments that were the most vivid in her mind. After they bathed, she helped him redress his wound until he was snug once more and dead tired. So she climbed into bed next to him and laid his head on her chest as they drifted off to sleep.

They woke hours later, still touching, still holding onto one another. When his food was brought, she watched him struggle for a while as he attempted to bring the fork to his mouth without crying out. Finally, he gave up and shoved the utensil her way angrily. She raised a brow and scooted next to him and, in the most intimate act they had yet shared; she slowly fed him despite his angry glares and her indulgent smiles.

Yes, those were the moments.

It was almost routine, this intimacy born out of the fear of loss and the confessions of a past long gone.

"Remember when we used to play chess?" She asked him.

He smiled slightly as she pulled socks up his bare and chilled feet.

"May I remind you that I always won?" He answered, smirk firmly in place. She scowled at him.

"I let you –"

"Like hell –l"

"It was strategy –"

"To strategically lose?"

"To stroke your ego and let you win."

He laughed at the ridiculousness of her statement, and then winced. He was not supposed to laugh, dammit.

"Stop laughing!" She chided, and then proceeded to mollycoddle him through the night. Not that he minded her small little hands all over him, he wouldn't complain about that. Not ever.

He slept a lot, which Jonas said was a good sign of the body healing. They also fed him a lot of protein.

Blair snuck Ruby in one day because the girl had been uncontrollable until she saw Chuck. He had been sleeping, still propped up amongst countless silk pillows.

"You see? He's just sleeping," Blair whispered to her, and the little girl nodded, finally relieved that Lord Bass was indeed still among them.

"I know you snuck the kid in here when I was asleep," he mentioned to her when she finished re-dressing his wounds. His scars, now three days old, were healing nicely. He hadn't developed a fever, and he was getting by with Demerol.

"She was crying uncontrollably – I had to do something," Blair said, smirking at him once the last bit of medical tape was in place. She picked up his shirt and helped him slip his arms in.

"You've developed a soft spot for the kid?" He asked her knowingly, once his head was through the hole in the shirt. His hair stayed up at the ends, and Blair combed it back with her hand.

"A bit," she nodded and smiled once she was satisfied with his hair.

"Blair…" He took a breath and studied her, because he never ever intended to have this conversation with her, but… If they were confessing things, he might as well say it.

"Humm?" She asked, gathering the leftover bandages as he studied her profile. Her hair was up in a loose bun and strands hung around her face. She wore a light boat-neck wool dress synched at the waist with a thick leather belt and some boots. Her wedding ring was the only jewelry that she sported.

She was grown now, not like the young girl he had known all of his life. Her eyes told of the world of things she had seen and done. She'd been entirely selfless these past few days as she took care of him. No one had ever taken care of him and, though she never spoke about what she felt towards him, her kisses told him, her hands told him, and her eyes screamed it.

"I know about what happened," he said carefully, and she turned to place all the items in the medical box she kept by his bed. She glanced at him, confused.

"With dinner? It was not my fault, I specifically told her to add more beef to the stew –"

"I don't mean that," he continued. She placed her hands on her slim hips and looked him over.

"What do you mean?" She asked.

He took a breath and patted the space next to him. She carefully sat so they were closer to each other.

"When I first got to New York… I just wanted to –"

"Check up on me," she finished for him with a raised brow. And he slowly nodded. "I figured as much."

"I also got… medical records…" he said quietly. "I figured I'd tell you since we were being honest with one another."

She felt rather sick, to tell the truth.

She didn't know if she should feel angry, upset, hurt, or ashamed – she didn't know what to think. He'd spied on her. Found things out she'd never wanted anyone to know. Known them before…

"You knew before you asked me to marry you?" She asked quietly, and he slowly nodded.

She looked down at her hands.

"Then you knew I could never give you –"

"That doesn't matter to me," he said quickly. She met his eyes and saw the sincerity emanating from them. He knew, and he'd still wanted her. He, who was one of the few who could actually leave things to his children; who still had a legacy left in this crumbling world.

"But… Why?" She asked. She hadn't meant to cry, but she'd never really talked about it. About what she had done to herself.

"Blair, I would've wanted you if you were blind, a widow, or an island savage – really," he smirked slightly.

Here he was, all bandaged up and confessing that it would've always been them. She'd been holding this horrible secret about herself all these years, hiding it away from herself, from the world in horrible shame and here – the man she loved and cared for – was telling her that he wanted her. Regardless.

She had thought all those years ago, when they had told her the results, that no man would want her now – not a good man. Not a man that wanted a family. Why? She couldn't be a proper wife; could never experience childbirth. Never. Ever. She had cursed herself with her inability to cope.

"Why didn't you say anything?" She asked in a low voice. She hated that he saw her like this, but in retrospect she had seen him in worse. She had seen him with gaping wounds in his chest.

He shrugged as best he could. "I figured you had kept your secrets well enough."

"But not from you," she countered.

"I'm Chuck Bass, baby. If it happened, I know about it."

She smiled and slapped away his hand, and they smiled at one another.

The news that the war was getting closer to the United Kingdom came that evening, and Blair sat by Chuck reading him the newspaper in her hand. He was quiet and listened.

"You'll need to go out in the morning and bring me a report of what's happening," he said as she finished changing her clothes that day.

"What am I looking for?" She asked, taking attentive notes as he explained the things she should be checking for in the village, the people she should talk to, things she needed to let him know.

So in the morning, as he watched from his window, she saddled up and rode her horse out into the village. He had felt alone in his room, with nothing to do until Ruby was finally allowed to see him. She had strict instructions to not touch him because he was sick.

She had entered with wide, wet eyes, but when she found him standing and looking out the window, a smile had exploded on her face and she had begun to talk the way she always did.

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The people were getting used to Blair now. They had all heard about Chuck's accident, and she spent half the morning assuring them all that her husband was healing well and soon he would be riding with her in the mornings.

They also decided that they needed to give her food.

So by the time she arrived back at the house, poor Jacob was carrying about five casseroles of unnamable dishes.

"This one smells like fish," Ruby said, scrunching up her nose in disgust as she explained to Blair.

Blair grimaced then smirked. "Let's put some in a plate for Lord Bass." And so, like the loving, doting wife she was, she took a plate of the fishy casserole up to his room.

"Mrs. Benitez sent this over. She was so nice and so worried about you," she said as she walked around his room, and he studied her with raised brows.

"Was she now?" He asked.

"She was, went on and on about how you saved her and her daughter on of your trips to Argentina, and I assured her that you would do it again in an instant –"

"Blair –"

"So I happily took this lovely casserole, and here is your dinner!" She smiled brightly at him, and he peered in on the orange mush. He wrinkled his nose.

"Doesn't look sanitary," he commented dryly as she placed the tray over his lap and clasped her hands in front of her.

"Oh, it's quite delicious," she assured him, taking a seat next to him.

"Yeah? Why don't you taste it?" He demanded.

She raised a brow. "Really, Chuck! Mrs. Benitez would be offended!" Blair chided. "She made it just for you!"

"I'm happy with my steak and baked potato, thanks," he pushed at the plate.

"Fish is a good source of protein, don't make me go over there and feed it to you," she smirked.

"I can lift my arms now," he snapped, showing her and not happy at being reminded that a few days ago he was entirely at her mercy.

She stood and swung her hips to him. His eyes zoomed in on her action.

"What's wrong, Bass?" She whispered, taking the tray from his lap. "Don't like being…" And then she was straddling him, and his eyes widened slightly. "… At my mercy?"

He buckled his hips slightly when her hand hovered slightly over his penis, which looked to be rising to meet her attention.

"Blair –"

"Shhh…." And she traced over his crotch with her fingers, making him hiss in appreciation, his eyes never leaving the little yellow brick road pattern she was creating.

Slowly she slid her hands under his pants and, with her eyes locked with his, she slid them down slowly until he popped out, happy for the attention. Gradually, and after a few agile hand maneuvers, he came quickly in her hand.

He was grimacing and happy at the same time, his lips pale and pressed together as he tried to be quiet. She smiled down at him, cleaned him off, pulled his pants up and slowly climbed off him. She picked up the tray she had placed on the floor and placed it back on his lap. He looked at her incredulously.

"Like I said. Fish is a good source of protein." She smiled and crossed her legs.

It went like that for a couple of weeks: he would wait (annoyed and upset) in the house as she rode in the morning and brought him back news of what was happening. During this time the villagers grew very fond of their Lady Bass, and her visits were often a source of great consolation. She would come home and be semi-ravished by her healing husband, who was worked up from spending the day listening to Ruby pointless chatter or Eleanor's crazy ramblings.

"I think next week I can ride," he told Blair once she finished his dressings for the evening after their customary bath together. She cocked a brow at him.

"Until you can pin me to a wall and ravish me, you will not get to be on a horse," She snapped, and he decided to ignore her for the rest of the evening. Of course, now he had visions of pinning her to little hallways and taking her then and there. He cursed the day he was shot. He proceeded to glare at his healing chest for the remainder of the evening until she crawled to bed with him and lay her head on his shoulder, tracing patterns on his chest. He would forgive her. For now.

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"I'm sad it broke," she said as she looked down at the Dior skirt that had been a present from her dear husband in the original batch of clothing he had provided for her all those nights ago in New York.

New York. New York. It seemed like an eternity away. Even from their hideout, they could hear bombs dropping. The news that filtered into Wallace was scarce but frightening. Ruby would sometimes run to her and grasp at her legs when a horrible explosion occurred somewhere in the south. The nameless south. Blair thought Ruby would run right into Chuck's room, so did they not close the door at night.

"I can fix it!" Polly informed her, all too happy to have something to do. Since Chuck had been sick, she hadn't really had any clothing to tailor and was often found drabbling in her endless notebooks.

Blair noticed that her space was messier than usual; productivity brought out the best in her, apparently. "You don't have to, I mean – I'm sure you have other things to do," Blair told her but the young girl simply took the skirt from Blair's hands and started inspecting it.

"I can work it – by the way, since Casanova is out of it for a minute, does your mom have any more designs that you would like me to do? I'm bored these days," she admitted, and Blair smiled.

"I'll check – you know she sketches endlessly in that notepad of hers." Blair nodded and left her skirt to Polly.

Eleanor did have sketches. Hundreds of them. The 500 page notebook was filled with endless designs, each more beautiful than the next. Her mother's best work.

"If the world is ever fixed, I will make these a reality, Mom," she told Eleanor quietly while her mother slept by the fire of the room of possibilities. Her favorite spot.

As she went through the designs that night next with Chuck (he was pretending to be asleep next to her, but she knew very well that he was awake), she selected a few styles that she could see being appropriate for life in the Highlands of Scotland. The weather was deathly cold these days, and she would be unable to ride without a thick coat, gloves, a scarf, a warm hat and thick boots. Her stylish riding gear was now long gone.

"Look at these, what do you think?" She asked him, shoving with her elbow at his arm. He pretended to be upset by being woken, but she knew better. He was pouting because he didn't have her undivided attention.

"I don't care, pick whatever –"

"Just look over them, this one has a lovely turtleneck cut –"

"Turtlenecks are bad," he said with utmost sincerity.

"Since you've taken me to the coldest place on the planet, I need turtlenecks before I die of pneumonia," she snapped.

"Fine. But just a few," he agreed, and she smirked at him, leaning in to kiss him.

"And thick, warm pants, like this one."

He eyed the drawing with a scowl. "No woman can possibly look good in that."

Blair frowned and looked down at the drawing. "Yes, I can!"

"Doubt it," he countered. They bickered back and forth about this for a while before he decided to shut her up with a kiss. The kiss intensified quickly, but Blair put a stop to it.

"No, you're still hurt." She pulled herself back, panting and staring at him, concerned.

"Just be gentle," he smirked, and she gave in because his tongue was now in her ear. She didn't know how it got there, but it was there, and it was having a good time.

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It was at the eve of the fourth week that he joined her at Polly's workroom. Polly, for her part, blinked at him in surprise.

"Mr. Bass," she gulped.

"At ease," he murmured and walked to Blair, who was inspecting herself in the mirror, trying out her new dress as Ruby looked on adoringly.

"I'd like it better in pink," the young girl put in.

"The beige is classy," Blair explained to her, and Chuck came up behind her, wrapping his arms around her and sending Ruby a wink.

"Stop it," Blair chided, but smiled regardless.

"I was missing my lovely wife," he murmured and kissed her exposed neck. This sent shivers, uncontrollable shivers down her back. She arched up and tried to push him off.

"Chuck," she murmured weakly.

Ruby smiled happily and sighed. Blair managed to extract herself from Chuck's embrace and turned to Ruby.

"Get me the brown leather belt. Where did we put it?" She asked the girl, sending Chuck a glare as he sat back on a chair and carefully leaned back.

Ruby quickly scampered to look for the belt and aimed at a pile of boxes in the corner of Polly's workroom. She pulled some back when she saw some old belts poking out from under a lid.

"Oh I think I found other ones –"

"Ruby, no!" It was Polly who spoke up with wide eyes, loud enough to capture Blair and Chuck's attention. But Ruby had already pulled the lid up and out pilled lace and silk. Ruby stepped back, confused. Blair saw it immediately, and her eyes zoomed in on Polly.

"My dress," Blair said blankly, and Chuck stood to walk over to where the cloth was found. "My Badgley Mischka dress…"

Polly's eyes were wide and her face a fierce shade of red as she opened and closed her mouth. Chuck turned sharply to Pollyanna and glared her down. Polly didn't meet his eyes.

"Did you do it?" He demanded. "Cut the dress and throw it over Blair?"

Ruby looked on in fear, wishing she hadn't opened the box. She tried closing it and sticking the bits of the leftover dress back in it.

"I…" Polly's eyes filled with tears. "I never interned with Betsey Johnson."

Blair was staring at her, confused, hurt, and utterly upset.

"I interned with Eleanor Waldorf designs…" She whispered. "… I was her lackey for many months, and she never… She never paid attention to what I was offering her. Along came Jenny Humphrey, and Eleanor was all over her," Polly spat angrily. "I just… I wanted to prove that I could do Eleanor's designs, and I could do them just as good or even better."

"So you cut up my dress and you sprinkled it all over me while I slept!" Blair snapped. "I trusted you!"

"I didn't do that!" Polly defended herself. "I just cut the dress, so that you would come to me, and I would design one. But then you brought Eleanor's designs, and it was even better than I had thought –"

"Shut up!" Chuck demanded, and Blair reeled back because she had never seen him lose his cool this way. Even Ruby whimpered in the corner as Polly backed away. "I want you to pick up your things –"

"Chuck," Blair moved forward and touched his arm, willing him to look at her.

He slowly turned his head and took her in. "I'm fine," she assured him, pressing her hand to his arm in reassurance.

Blair glanced at Polly. "If you didn't throw the shreds on me, who did?"

Polly placed her hand on her hip and arched a brow. "Who do you think? She found me cutting it up and made me give her bits of it."

Blair sighed and looked at Chuck, giving him an 'I told you so' stare. Chuck took a breath.

"You –" He snapped at Polly. "Stay put. And I'll go talk to Clara."

Blair, for her part, had omitted to Chuck the details on the whole 'Clara is a crazy bitch that almost got you killed, so in my rage I threw her out of the village' conversation. Really, she was going to get to it sometime this year. He just hadn't really asked about her so she wasn't lying to him she was just busy with other important things.

Chuck saw Blair's eyes widen and that's when his narrowed.

"Where is Clara, Blair?" he demanded.

"I…" Blair paused and looked at Ruby, who was near tears. "C'mon, let's talk about this in our room." With that she dragged him out, trying to ignore his glare and stiff body until the door was closed behind them.

"Where the fuck is Clara?" Chuck snapped at her the moment the door had closed behind them.

"I had her removed," Blair answered, meeting his eyes.

He stared her down. "Where. Is. She?"

"Jonas took her to the village –" He opened his mouth. "At my orders. You said I was Lady of this house and as such your people are also my people."

"You have no idea what you've done!" He cried.

"She almost got you killed!" Blair snapped.

"No, my stupidity almost got me killed, Blair! I was distracted – I was not focused –" he fumed.

"She distracted you –" Blair countered.

"Are we really playing that? After everything, we're really playing at that?" He demanded.

"I'm not accusing you of anything, I'm accusing her. She attempted to sabotage me a couple of times, she sickly threw my cut up wedding dress over me while I slept, and she defied your orders when you told everyone to stay in the house to go chasing after you!" Blair yelled. "I had every right to get her out, she was endangering you –"

"She'll endanger everything!" Chuck exploded. "She knows our location, she knows all of our secrets, she can destroy us if she wants to, and I will not be able to stop the army from coming and taking all the men in this village, including myself!"

Blair's eyes were wide. "What do you mean?"

"The draft was announced last week," he said carefully. "If the army discovers what we have here, they will not only come for the men, they will come for the livestock, for the goods… And I can't stop them because of the newly signed alliance."

Blair stared at him with an opened mouth.

"We'll hide," she said softly. "We'll go far away."

He shook his head. "There is no other place, Blair! This is it. This is the last Eden – I know, I've searched! I can't even find out what is happening to Serena and Eric because communication has been cut off from the states. The only way to make it across the ocean is to win a raffle ticket from Canada to UK, and only one in a million wins!"

Blair's breathing was ragged as she studied him. "I didn't – I don't think she would do that," Blair assured him.

Chuck shook his head. "Really? You don't think? A woman hurt and scorned? You honestly don't think she would?" Blair's mouth opened, and she looked down. Chuck sighed and ran his hand over his hair.

"We need to get prepared. We need to be ready." Chuck drummed his fingers on the wood of the dresser as he concentrated. Blair stepped towards him, her eyes still as wide and concerned.

"Chuck… Do you really think they'll take you?" She asked in a low voice. Chuck stopped and stared at her, he shook his head slowly.

"I don't know… But if they do, then I'm going to ask things of you I never wanted to," he replied quietly. She looked like she was a minute away from breaking down and crying, so he pulled her hand and laid her head on his good shoulder, rocking her slightly.

Her arms went around him as she breathed him in.

"We'll hide. We'll be ok," she whispered, and she didn't know when she had suddenly reverted to being that scared little girl once more with all of these fantastical stories holding reality at bay. Maybe it was because she couldn't think of a world without Chuck. A world like that was a world not worth living in.

They stood there for a moment, her hand softly rubbing his scarring chest and his fingers massaging her scalp. It was soft and intimate, and the thought of leaving her behind against his will was more than he was able to handle at this moment.

When he had found her in New York, he was ready to leave her behind… Until he had seen her in her childhood home and, from that moment on, he had decided deep inside of himself that he was unable to leave her behind. Ever. After these weeks of acting like a married couple, of sleeping with her each night, of their little snippy arguments and their sexual closeness, he just couldn't imagine being without her. He'd always wanted her and now she was 100 percent his. Leaving her behind was like not being able to breathe.

Their moment was interrupted by Jacob knocking harshly on the door. Chuck urged him to come in, and the couple stared at the disheveled Jacob. Blair's stomach dropped from under her as she remembered now composed he normally was.

"Apologies for the interruption. There's a young lady to see you, sir." Jacob looked pale.

Blair stared at Chuck.

"How did she get here?" Chuck demanded.

Jacob swallowed. "Sir… Her name is Vanessa. A Vanessa Archibald."

Jacob expected many things to happen once he let out this revelation. He didn't expect both the Basses to speed forward and down the stairs, almost running him over.

Blair followed Chuck down the hallway and, when they got the stairs, she felt his hand close over hers. They made their way downstairs and found the young woman dressed in thick coats and mismatched fabrics, with her back to them.

She heard them coming and slowly turned around, making Blair gasp as they took her face in. The beautiful young girl they had known all those years ago was hidden behind lifeless sunken eyes, pale dirty skin, chapped lips, an extremely thin face, and a somber expression that chilled Blair to the bone.

She looked like she was shivering uncontrollably and had not eaten in days.

"Vanessa?" Blair asked, but before they made it, a small smile formed on the girl's face.

"I found you, he told me to find you" she whispered to Chuck, and then she crumbled to the floor. Chuck and Blair rushed forward… And that was when they realized she was pregnant. Very, very pregnant.

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To be continued

A/N - with the Holidays this week I will not be able to update until this weekend. I know you are all used to more frequest updates but I have entirely too many things going on & people coming from out of town. I will post the next part as soon as it's writen :) Thank you once more for the feedback, as always I appreciate it!