Thank you again for all of the reviews - that's what kept me motivate to keep going :) This chapter was hard to write because of all the dialogue so I hope it turned out okay. I don't know if I'll be able to update next week due to my busy schedule - so I posted this one a little early. Please see the earlier chapters for disclaimers as they remain the same.
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"There is love in your body but you can't get it out. It gets stuck in your head, won't come out of your mouth. Sticks to your tongue and it shows on your face, that the sweetest of words have the bitterest taste." -Florence and the Machine
Chapter 6 - The hardest of hearts
With Nathan and Sarah gone and the dishes washed, Derek could finally take a deep breath and wind down for the evening. So, he cracked open a cold beer and made himself comfortable on the couch, preparing to binge a season of Schitts Creek on Netflix.
Derek needed something to laugh at because he had just lived through the tensest dinner party he had ever thrown. And although it was anxiety filled for Casey and himself, he surprisingly felt the most tension emanating from their guests.
Derek and Nathan had been friends for over five years now, so he could easily sense that by the end of the evening, Sarah's comments were finally starting to aggravate him. One part of Derek felt terrible for driving a wedge between the two, but the other part reminded himself that if Sarah wasn't truly in love with Nathan, then he was doing his friend a favour by breaking them apart. As torn as Derek felt about it, this was the goal of the game, and so far, he was winning.
As if this wasn't enough of a burden on his conscious, Derek couldn't get that stupid kiss out of his mind.
It was barely a kiss! Why are you still thinking about it? You've kissed how many women? These were the thoughts that swirled around in his head.
Maybe it was the way he humiliated himself, accidentally placing his lips on his stepsister's. Or perhaps it was the fact that he tasted the slightest bit of her lipstick? Or it could even possibly be an addiction to the way everything around him wavered whenever he inhaled her scent - but whatever the reason was, his brain was infected and the way Derek dealt with emotional matters like this was by turning his brain off. Maybe once he turned it back on again, the vivid feeling of Casey's delicate lips would disappear.
I swear, I felt her lean into that kiss-
Derek sensed his phone vibrate on the couch, breaking his thought.
It was Nora:
"I heard you let your sister move in with you after her break up. Thanks for looking out for Casey. You're a great brother."
Derek wanted to vomit after reading that sentence - 'stepbrother!', he screamed in his mind. Those four letters made a huge difference. Without them, he'd be classified as a weirdo with incestious desires, but with them, he was just a plain weirdo. Ohhh my god, why am I justifying this?
What was happening to his mental state? Ever since Casey showed up, he had been questioning his morals and his overall psychological well being-
Derek abruptly shifted his attention from his phone to a shadow passing by - Oh, you've got to be fucking kidding me.
Casey was now in the living room in a hot pink scoop neck leotard, pulling the couch cushions apart. The neckline was just deep enough that it revealed her cleavage every time she bent over. And the material was so thin and tight, it looked as if she had painted her body with pink paint rather than put an outfit on. It was evident by her lightly blushed cheeks and shimmering neck that she had been dancing in the den.
Alarms went off in Derek's brain. Look away Derek, focus on the TV.
Seeming frustrated, she walked to the coffee table and bent over in front of Derek, opening up the drawers to rummage around in them. She had her phone in her hand, using it for a flashlight as she searched.
That's enough. Derek paused the TV.
"Casey, what the hell are you doing?"
Casey put the couch cushions back. "I'm looking for my AirPods. I put them down somewhere and I can't seem to find them." Her hair was in a flawless high ponytail that ended in voluminous curls. She brushed a few stray strands away from her face so she could focus on her stepbrother.
"Why are you in… that outfit, may I ask? Right now? In my living room?" Derek made a circular motion with his index finger, gesturing to whatever it was she had on.
Casey put her hands on her hips, frustrated with his tone. "Well, just because I moved to Vancouver, doesn't mean I gave up dancing. It's my way of blowing off steam."
Casey's phone made a noise, indicating she had received a text message. She instantly started replying back and as she did, Derek couldn't help but let his gaze linger on her waist, moving his eyes down her long, slim legs.
Snap out of it, Derek.
"Alright, can we just make a general rule? No dancing or leotards in shared spaces like the living room?"
Casey looked up from her phone. "No. Why? That's the stupidest rule I've ever heard. Give me a good reason and maybe we'll talk about it."
Annoyance was radiating off of Derek's face. Not only was she testing him without knowing, but she failed to recognize that this rule was to provide a stable environment for the both of them.
"Doesn't matter. My apartment? My rules."
"Umm hmm."
Casey's phone buzzed again, making a ringing sound. She peeked down and began replying back, her face glowing with amusement. It was obvious she was only half listening to what Derek was saying.
Who is she texting at eleven o'clock at night? Derek wondered. He needed to see what was on that phone.
Derek slowly stood up from the couch and casually walked behind Casey, pretending to help in her search for her missing airpods. He tried to catch a glimpse of the screen but the glare from the lights made it impossible to read what she was typing or who she was typing to. Casey didn't notice his suspicious movements since she seemed to be preoccupied.
Her phone buzzed again.
Derek kneeled down underneath the coffee table, exaggeratedly patting down the carpet. On his way up, he purposely bumped into Casey, sending her phone flying out of her grip.
"Der-ek!" Casey snatched her phone from the hardwood floor and inspected it for damage.
"You're super popular in this city it seems, Case. Who would be texting you at this time of night?"
"What's it to you?"
"Is it James?"
"What if it is?"
It definitely wasn't James, if it was, Casey would not be smiling. It was Emily making sure she was doing well after the whole break up and while updating her best friend, Casey had confessed about this little arrangement she had with Derek. She had to tell someone or she would have exploded, especially after finding out about the gold earrings. Emily's reaction to the entire thing was the cause of her delight.
Even so, it was obvious that even the idea of James texting Casey bothered Derek to his core. Was it jealousy…? It could be. But if it was...
What about Sarah? A little voice asked in her head. But Casey chose to ignore it for the time being - Sarah is still with Nathan anyway.
Casey faced her stepbrother, her hands on her hips, "Why does this bother you so much?"
Casey and Derek were now positioned in front of each other, both of them recognizing that they were in one of their usual verbal stand offs. Casey's eyes narrowed, ready for a duel with words.
Derek crossed his arms defensively, "It doesn't. Text whoever you like. I'm just looking out for you."
Okay Casey, now is your chance. She encouraged herself. Catch him off guard!
"Says the man who 'kissed me' because he was 'nervous'" She challenged, her face stone cold, waiting for him to react.
Derek snickered at her comment and bit his lip. He leaned his head closer to her ear and replied in his deep voice, "Says the girl who kissed me back."
Casey gasped, blown away by his accusation. Her entire face flushed with redness "I did NOT-".
But before she could finish her sentence, the buzzer rang, causing both Derek and Casey to pause. The apartment that was just filled with the sound of their fighting was now dead silent.
"Did you invite someone over?" Derek asked, puzzled.
Casey shook her head no. "Who could it be?"
Derek grabbed the cordless phone and answered, "Hello? Nathan? Yeah man, come on in."
"Nathan is here? But he was just here an hour ago! I'm not even dressed appropriately." Casey exclaimed, looking down at her outfit.
"You didn't have a problem with the way you were dressed two seconds ago." Derek shrugged, opening the front door.
Casey made a face in response to his comment after he turned around. Asshole.
"Hey, Derek." Nathan walked in through the door, nodding a hello. It was evident by his posture that he wasn't the same man they had seen at dinner tonight.
Nathan had to be the happiest person on earth, always grinning, even through the toughest of times. Now the man who stood in front of him didn't have an ounce of joy left in his body. He appeared to be emotionally exhausted and Derek understood from his expression that he was not only tired, but he was done.
Derek's expression changed from confused to concerned. What could have happened in an hour?
Without saying anything else, Nathan wandered in and plopped himself on the couch. Casey sat herself beside him, anxious, waiting for him to explain why he was here at this hour.
"I'm so sorry for interrupting your evening. Sarah and I had a massive fight on our way home and I just couldn't stay there any longer." Nathan kept his gaze lowered as he spoke.
Casey and Derek exchanged glances. What had they done?!
"I was wondering if I could stay the night? I need to cool down before I see Sarah again."
Casey put her arm around Nathan, giving him a half hug, rubbing the shoulder she had her hand on. It pained her to see her friend so upset. She looked up at Derek who stood there, motioning for her to say no.
Say no, Casey. Say no. Say no!
"Of course you can, Nathan! Our home is your home. You can stay here as long as you like."
Derek put his hands over his face, flabbergasted by what Casey had just done. He then composed himself so Nathan wouldn't sense that he was bothered by the entire situation.
"I really appreciate it, you two."
"Nathan, would you like a drink?" Derek asked, trying to sound as polite as he could, covering up his irritation.
"Actually yeah. A stiff drink sounds really great right now."
"A stiff drink coming right up! Casey?" Derek walked over to the couch and grabbed Casey's hand, pulling her up and dragging her with him towards the kitchen. "Want to help me make those drinks?"
"Ow, Derek!"
He pulled Casey into the kitchen and let go of her hand suddenly, almost causing her to lose her balance. Casey leaned back on the kitchen island, her arms crossed angrily across her chest. She waited for Derek to explain himself.
"Casey do you realize what you've done?" Derek asked, astonished that Casey didn't think this one through.
"Derek, don't you see? We're bad people! We did this to Nathan, so the least we can do is let him stay here." She explained in a hushed tone.
Derek gripped the kitchen island on either side of Casey. He leaned forward and dropped his head down towards the ground, letting out a hysterical laugh. This girl was going to be the death of him. He then brought his back head up and flashed a sarcastic smile.
"Okay Casey. Nathan knows we have a den. That's why he came over."
"And?"
"How is it going to look when he goes in there and finds all of your stuff?"
Casey froze and her mouth dropped, realizing the situation she had just put herself in.
"People who are engaged sleep in the same room…" She said out loud, horrified.
"Yeah, Case. So I guess you're sleeping in my room tonight."
Casey pushed Derek against his chest, shoving him away from her so she wasn't trapped against the island anymore. "Derek. That cannot happen, okay? You have to go out there and convince Nathan to go back home and make up with Sarah."
Derek leaned backwards against the kitchen counter, his hand on his chin, pretending to think. "So you want me to fix the problem that you caused? I don't feel that's fair. You did this, you fix it. Besides, you're the emotional one, go talk about your…feelings."
"Lately, I could argue against that." Casey huffed as she walked out of the kitchen. "I'll be in the living room with Nathan, waiting for a drink."
Casey composed herself, putting a friendly smile on her face as she entered the living room, sitting beside Nathan again.
"So friend, what happened? I'm a really good listener if you want to talk about it."
Nathan made eye contact with Casey but said nothing. He studied her eyes, as if he was contemplating how she would take what he was going to say next. "Casey, you're a great friend. Thanks for the offer, but I think it's best that I talk to Derek about this. The last thing I want to do is cause problems between you and Derek by venting about my relationship."
The way Nathan had stated that sentence, Casey could predict what he wanted to say.
"Well, Derek is in the kitchen, and you can talk to him privately there if it'll make you feel better."
Nathan thanked Casey and got up from the couch. Before he made his way to the kitchen, he stopped. "All I ever wanted was a relationship like the one you and Derek have. But not all of us are that lucky. So don't ever take what you have for granted."
And he left Casey in the living room with that thought. His words echoed in Casey's mind, causing a slow burning sorrow to encompass her body. Like the one you and Derek have. What did her and Derek have anyway?
-— -— —
Derek and Nathan sat across one other at the kitchen island, each sipping a whiskey on the rocks. The more Nathan vented to Derek, the more Derek felt like he was the worst friend on the planet.
Yes, his friend dated his ex girlfriend. Yes, they're getting married. But knowing Nathan, he did it with the purest of intentions - because he truly liked her, not because he tried to screw Derek over. In all honesty, he didn't suspect Nathan even considered that it would hurt Derek so deeply. Putting that realization into perspective while witnessing his friend in this much pain, Derek couldn't help but feel like scum. What was he doing this for anyways? Do I even really want to be with Sarah? Or did I just want to hurt her?
"That's the thing man, she just can't get over the fact that you're with Casey. And I kept asking her why it upsets her so much. If we're together and if we love one another, why does it matter? I shouldn't be telling you this, but I know how deeply you care about Casey so I know it won't affect your relationship. I just didn't tell Casey because I don't want her to see Sarah as a threat when she can never be one."
The weight on Derek's conscience was piling up like his dissatisfaction with Sarah's actions. Yes, Derek wasn't innocent, but she was the one who made the decision to date the man and even worse, accept his marriage proposal when a piece of her heart belongs to someone else. To do so under false pretenses was simply cruel.
"Maybe, Sarah just has cold feet? It's only a few months before your wedding."
Nathan shook his head, "I don't know Derek, we just don't have what you and Casey have and if we can't work through this… I don't know if I can go through with it."
Derek chuckled, "Don't compare yourself to what Casey and I have, trust me."
Nathan took another sip of his drink, "Why? You guys are meant to be. You two mirror each other and I don't know of any other human being who can complete a man like you. Sure you fight… but when it comes down to it, you always have each other's backs. I've never seen you look at another woman like you look at Casey."
"I may… sometimes look at her like that." Derek confessed, "But just between you and I, I don't know if Casey looks at me the same way."
Nathan scrunched up his face in disbelief, "What's that supposed to mean? What makes you think that?"
"I don't know," Derek admitted, "I just don't think she feels as deeply as you think she feels about me."
Nathan smiled and took another sip of his drink, "So...you're going to kill me, but I told her the story about those earrings when we were alone serving dessert."
Derek felt his blood run cold. She knows. Holy shit, she knows. That's why she was questioning me tonight about 'why I cared so much'.
Derek exhaled, taking a sip of his drink.
"You should have seen her Derek, her eyes were all watery at the idea that you would do something like that for her. She loves you, bro. I saw it in her face."
Derek felt his throat dry up at the thought so he took a huge swig whiskey from his glass. "How do you know that though?"
"Are you serious right now? You'd be blind not to notice. When you two are together, the entire room can sense what you have. Trust me on this one." Nathan yawned, "Anyway, the alcohol is hitting me and I've had a rough few hours. It's time to call it a night, don't you think?"
Derek nodded his head in agreement and texted Casey.
"Get your stuff out of the den! Nathan is staying the night."
Did Casey really love him? As screwed up as it may sound, Derek secretly hoped it was true.
Just like Sarah had a part of her heart reserved for Derek, it only dawned on him now that a portion of his heart would always have Casey McDonald's name engraved in it. Always. For all one knows, maybe that was the deeper reason why Derek could never dedicate all of himself to Sarah, as it felt disingenuous. If he had, he would have done to Sarah what she was doing to Nathan now.
— — —
Casey read the text message on her phone and rolled her eyes.
Of course! He couldn't bear to send Nathan home in that state either.
Predicting this outcome, Casey had already packed up all of her visible stuff and had piled it in a corner of Derek's room.
It was the strangest experience walking into Derek's bedroom for the first time since it didn't resemble the one she remembered growing up. There were no posters on the wall, no mess on the floor, no gross garbage smell - it was surprisingly clean. Although his old room was Casey's worst nightmare, she had to admit that it at least had character. Everything about his apartment in Vancouver was oddly simple and generic, not reflecting Derek at all.
How are both of us going to sleep in here? Just the idea itself panicked Casey.
After she changed the sheets for Nathan on her own bed, she tiptoed down the hallway and snuck into the master bedroom, carrying extra sheets and pillows with her. As she began to make a bed on the floor, there was a light knock on the door.
Casey opened it slightly, peeking her head out to see who it was. It was Derek leaning against the doorframe, looking at Casey with that classic Derek look that made her stomach flutter.
I don't think I can do this. Casey took a deep breath in an attempt to calm her nerves.
She opened the door fully and motioned for him to come in.
Derek never thought there would come a day where he would have to knock on his own bedroom door, to find Casey standing in the doorway, dressed in a black silk nightgown. That scenario only lived in some of the shameful dreams he had during his teenage years. As he awkwardly walked in, he swallowed, trying to get rid of the lump that was forming in his throat.
Derek inspected the blanket and pillows on the floor and then jumped onto his bed, pulling the covers back to get inside.
"Uhhhhhhh," Casey began, "what do you think you're doing?"
Derek stopped with the sheets halfway over his body. He gave Casey a look that said 'isn't it obvious?'
"Going to sleep?"
"You are not sleeping in that bed, Derek Venturi. Your bed is right here." She said, pointing to the ground.
"Pffft, Casey, if you think I'm sleeping on the floor, you've got another thing coming."
Casey glared at her stepbrother, "Derek. Get out of that bed!"
Derek pulled the rest of the covers over himself and folded his hands on the outside of the bedding, grinning at Casey.
"Make me."
Casey jumped on the bed, crawling over to where he was, pushing Derek towards the edge of the mattress with all of her energy, not anticipating how hard Derek would push back. Before she knew it, they were wrestling each other on top of the sheets.
"Get. Out. Derek!"
She finally managed to kick hard enough that Derek slipped off the sheets and onto the floor. Casey moved her hair out of her face and let out a victorious laugh.
Derek didn't want to fight anymore, he was too tired for this. "Fine. Tonight, I'll let you have the bed, but you didn't win. I'm just feeling generous."
Why did you just wrestle a woman wearing a nightgown? And don't argue with her Derek. You already have too much on your mind, the last thing you need is to sleep in a bed next to Casey - especially when she was dressed like that.
Casey got underneath the covers of the bed and Derek turned off the lights, feeling his way back to the sheets on the floor in the dark.
For Casey, it was comforting falling asleep surrounded by the distinct smell she associated with Derek. These problematic situations she found herself in didn't seem so bad afterall. In fact, it strangely seemed like they were transforming her relationship with Derek each day. Suddenly Casey realized something which shook her wide deal she had made with Derek was to stay in his apartment until the agreement between them was over. If Nathan breaks up with Sarah, then that would be the end of it all. The hypothetical situation placed a weight over her chest, and her breathing hitched - I'm not ready for this to end. Not yet.
For the last ten minutes, Derek could hear Casey tossing and turning in his bed. She seemed stressed about something but he couldn't imagine what could have caused her sudden change in mood.
"Derek? Are you awake?" He heard her voice stammered in the darkness.
"...What?"
She hesitated "I feel bad with you on the floor like that. How am I supposed to sleep knowing I made you sleep on the ground?"
Derek put a pillow over his head and groaned. She is going to drive me nuts.
Casey got out of bed and turned on the lights. Derek sat up in his makeshift bed rubbing his eyes, having trouble adjusting to the light. She grabbed one of the pillows from the floor and brought it into the bed, putting it beside her.
"See? We can both sleep here. Just no crossing this line." She pointed at the pillow.
"Casey, leave it okay? It's already decided, I'm sleeping here."
Casey frowned, "But that looks so uncomfortable."
"You didn't think of that when you pushed me off of the bed?"
Casey gave Derek a sulky pout. "Come on!" She patted the space she made for him, "Don't make me come get you."
Derek didn't move.
"Derek, you know I will come do it. I will drag you into bed if I have to."
He shot Casey a smirk and she threw a pillow at his head.
Derek couldn't say no any longer - sleeping on top of a bunch of sheets on the floor was starting to hurt his lower back already. He stood up, turning off the light again. He brought his pillow with him, laying it on the other side of the bed and then rolled onto the mattress while Casey pulled the covers over them both.
What happened to keeping your distance Derek? He asked himself.
He turned so he was resting on his side, facing the pillow that separated him and Casey.
Casey felt Derek move so she pushed the pillow down a tad bit so she could see his face.
"Derek?" Casey whispered.
"Yeah, Case?" He whispered back.
"This could be the last few days we have together. If Nathan and Sarah break up, you won't need me anymore."
The words hit Derek like a bag of bricks and he stayed silent in the dark, not knowing how to respond to that sentence. The apartment wouldn't seem the same without Casey. He tried so hard to get away from anything that reminded him of her in this new city, and now that she had embedded herself into his everyday life, the idea of ripping her out of it unnerved him.
"I guess I won't."
Casey was taken aback by his response. It was so cold, it was as if her presence made no difference in his life. But Casey knew, she had to get under Derek's rough exterior because there was a softer Derek somewhere in there. And if there was the slightest bit of truth in what Nathan had told her, Derek had to tell her himself. She couldn't guess or assume any longer.
"If Sarah leaves Nathan… would you still want to be with her?"
Derek caught a glimpse of Casey's eyes in the dark, watching him intently, waiting for an answer.
"I don't know." Derek admitted softly. Derek then turned over onto his other side, facing away from Casey. He couldn't look at her for any longer or she would be able to read how he felt.
The heavy silence lasted a few seconds before Casey said something.
"Why did you give James those earrings?"
Derek's heart skipped a beat. He could feel Casey's anxious stare even though he wasn't facing her. What was he going to say? What could he say?
"Because you deserve the world." He answered simply.
The words cut into Casey like a knife. She wanted to pull that pillow away from between them and put her arms around him, hugging him from behind. She would give anything to tell him how much those words meant to her. But she didn't. She couldn't.
"Goodnight, Case." He breathed lightly.
"Goodnight." She replied, into the darkness that surrounded them both.
