I opened my eyes to a bright, blinding light. I quickly sat up but then I felt a hand push me back into a laying position. "You need to get rest Stanley, just relax." It was my moms soothing voice. I blinked a few times before everything came into focus.
I was in a hospital room. What had happened last night? "Mom?" I asked, my voice sounded weird and weak. I couldn't believe it had came from me. I was pretty sick though, a headache and a stomach ache. I felt sore all over too and really sleepy.
"Hmm?" I felt my mom take my hand in hers and I closed my eyes.
"What's going on?" I asked her, still in that weird strange voice. I noticed there was an IV in my arm and wondered if I was dying. I always though dying would feel peaceful, this was the total opposite.
My eyes wondered around the room. The walls were cream and peeling. The room was as devoid of beauty as I was of hope. There was a faded green curtain that separated me from someone else, I wondered for a moment if that bed was filled.
I hated hospitals. On one floor someone could be taking thier final breath while on another floor a baby could be taking its first.
I realized at this point my mom hadn't answered me. I looked to the side, moving my head seemed like too much effort. My mom had a far off look on her face. "I'll explain it to you later, just go back to sleep."
Maybe I had fallen and hurt myself, I did remember drinking something last night. I didn't think it was ano ugh to make me this sick though. I really needed to stop drinking that shit never the less though. Sleep did sound nice though. I nodded weakly and then closed my eyes. This bed was uncomfortable, but at this point I didn't care. I let sleep pull me down into its dark peaceful pit.
The next time I came around I was fully conscious. On the bedside table there was a tray with soup and crackers, it looked as if it had been sitting there for awhile. My mom had left and the room was vacant. I looked over at the pale green curtain and decided that there was no one on the other side.
My headache had died down. Now I was just hungry and annoyed. I didn't want to be stuck in the hospital, I didn't even know why I was here. Now there wasn't even anyone around to tell me why I was here.
I looked at the IV that was attached to my arm and followed it up to a bag of some sort of clear liquid. I glanced around the room again, it really was ugly. I knew why people brought flowers to hospital rooms, because everyone in this place would be depressed if there wasn't just a little bit of color. The floor was white and gray title, it was sparkling clean. Everything smelled like cleaning products and sick people. It was just a normal hospital smell. The smell made it hard to pretend that I wasn't in a hospital, but I still tried.
The door to the room opened and in walked my mom. "I leave for two minutes and you wake up." She sighed, walking over to the chair beside the bed and sitting down in it. She sat slumped in the chair, I noticed she had dark circles under her eyes.
I opened my mouth to ask her why she was so tired, and then I remembered that I was in the hospital. I closed my mouth again and looked around. It was Hell's Pass. It felt weird to actually be inside it again. I guess that me- and all my friends- got hurt a lot more when we were younger, I hadn't been here for years.
Wait, why was I here in the first place? "Mom, why am I in the hospital?" I asked.
"You don't remember?" She questioned, a look of worry on her face. I shook my head, last night was a blur. "You got alcohol poisoning." She informed me.
"No, no, I didn't drink that much." Had I drank that much? I didn't think I was that irresponsible.
"You were pretty sick last night. You thew up two times, well first you passed out. Shelly woke you back up though, you were in a daze. We decided we should probably take you to the hospital." My mom ran a hand through my hair and then pushed it back from my eyes. "You should really get a hair cut."
My hat was missing, no wonder my head was so cold. "I don't remember any of that." I sighed softly. God, I was stupid. "How much did I drink?"
"You drank four bottles of S'more's Schnapps in twenty minutes! Plus you hadn't eaten for a long time. According to the doctors you're lucky to be alive. The alcohol content in that drink is so high, I made you dad throw out all the ones that were left." My mom seemed flustered, she must've been genuinely worried about me.
"Oh." I replied simply. I didn't know what to say, but the silence was weird and I felt like something needed to be said. After a moment I glanced at my mom, "I'll stop drinking." I told her, mostly just to calm her nerves. I didn't think I would actually stop drinking, I just had to be smarter about it now.
"Stanley, I just don't want you to turn out like Randy. You know your dad... And alcohol." She sighed, then she stood.
"You're not going to leave me here, are you?" I asked. The only thing worse than being in a hospital is being alone in a hospital.
"I have to go home and clean the house." She glanced at th clock, "It's already one, I've been here since last night."
I guess it was selfish of me to want her to stay, but I didn't want to be left alone. I just nodded weakly as she left, then I let out a sigh and looked at the tv in the corner of the room. It was on some weird nature program about dolphins. I reached for the remote and flipped through the channels to find something interesting to watch.
I finally settled on Terrance and Phillip, because it seemed to be the only show that was ever fucking on.
The next few hours I spent drifting in and out of sleep. The doctor came in and looked me over a few times. At first he just shook his head and scrawled things on a clipboard before leaving, but after a few visits I guess he decided I was doing better. I still felt like shit. "You'll be able to go home this evening, just make sure to get lost of rest." The doctor said. He smiled softly, "You have some visitors. I think they're names were Kyle and Kenny, want me to send them in?"
I nodded and as he left I remembered I was still upset with Kenny and Kyle. God, they were so stupid. I didn't really want to deal with their shit right now, but it was too late because they were already walking through the doorway. "For once it's not me laying in a hospital bed." Kenny grinned, he did have a point.
I smiled weakly as Kyle walked over to the side of the hospital bed. "How're you doing?" He asked softly.
"I feel like shit." I replied, closing my eyes. Actually seeing Kenny and Kyle made me remember why I was so mad; they had lied to me. I felt stupid that I had let them string me along for so long. I felt stupid that I nearly drank myself to death.
"I told you you shouldn't drink." Kyle said, very matter-of-factly. I didn't want a lecture from Kyle, I knew I had fucked up.
"I know, I'm an idiot." I replied simply. I think it caught Kyle off guard because there was a silence that followed.
"Why'd you do it?" Kenny questioned suddenly.
I laughed, "You honestly thought I did this on purpose?"
"Hey, stranger things have happened." Kenny said in defense. I guess he was right. Maybe I had done this on purpose. Maybe I wanted to kill myself and thought this was a good option. I couldn't remember why I kept drinking, I was probably just being stupid.
"I'm tired." I told them, it was an attempt to get them to leave. I hated being alone in hospitals, but I hated this weird rift in the room. The conversation was forced and unnatural. I felt like they didn't want to be here, like their moms made them come and see me.
"We can go, so you can get some rest." Kyle smiled at me, "But here, take this." He handed me a present. "It's a day late, but I didn't really see you yesterday."
I smiled and opened the box. Inside there was a pair of black converse. "They're for your wannabe emo look." Kyle explained.
I smiled, "Thanks Kyle." I had forgot it was my birthday with all the stuff going on. Kenny reached in the pocket of his sweatshirt and pulled out a piece of paper, handing it to me. In Kenny's handwriting it read 15% off a FREE lap dance by Kenny McCormick! I read it again. "Why is is 15% off if it's free?" I asked him.
"Because I didn't want to seem too desperate." Kenny explained, "I can't just go around handing out certificates for free lap dances, then everyone will want one."
I gave him a weird look and he shrugged and grinned. Kyle laughed, "Come on Kenny. Let's let Stan get some rest."
"See you later dude." Kenny smiled as he left. Kyle hugged me- as best as he could with me laying in a hospital bed- before leaving.
I was lucky to have Kyle as a friend, he was the best.
The best had lied to me. I still couldn't wrap my mind around the fact that Kyle had pulled that big of a prank on me just to get a jealous reaction. I was more annoyed than anything.
I set the box and coupon aside and closed my eyes. I was upset with everything. I was mad at myself because I was still hopelessly in love with Kyle, not matter how mad I was at him. He was still adorable and perfect, and I still wanted to tell him that I had a crush on him. I couldn't tell him though. It made me feel sick just thinking about telling him. What if it ruined our friendship? Kyle would act all flattered about it but then we would slowly drift apart.
I didn't want to think about that though. I glanced around the hospital room, looking for anything interesting to take my mind off things. I finally settled on actually watching the documentary about dolphins, because Terrance and Phillip got boring.
Eventually I fell asleep and woke up to my dad shaking me lightly and telling me it was time to go home. When we got home I felt like shit, I just wanted to take a ten year nap. Luckily for me, my parents left me alone. I had a feeling I would get in trouble later though.
I wasn't paying attention to the time, I just knew it was dark. Sparky sat nuzzled up against me on the couch. There was a knock on the door. I sighed and wrapped myself in a blanket before walking over to the door and answering it. Sparky ran around barking. When I opened the door he bolted out of it.
Kyle was standing on my porch holding a plate. "My mom insisted I bring you these cookies." Kyle smiled softly. His green eyes shined through the darkness, they were beautiful. If I looked too long I could get lost in them. "Do you want me to go get Sparky?" He asked.
"It's fine, he always runs out the front door. He's just in the yard." I dismissed, my voice still sounded weak and quiet.
"How're you feeling dude?"
"Shitty." I replied, taking the cookies and eating one. Kyle's mom was a good cook, but she was nowhere near as good as mine.
"I'm sorry." Kyle watched me eat the cookie. I suddenly felt self conscious. I looked like shit, I was pale and sick, and Kyle was looking at me. This had never mattered before, but I didn't want him to see me like this. Kyle opened his arms to invite me to give him a hug. I set the plate of cookies down before stepping forward and hugging him.
That was the best I'd felt in while. There was nothing better than being hugged by someone taller than you. I tightened the hug and sighed softly, Kyle smelled like candles, it was comforting. The hug lasted a little longer than usual, but I didn't mind. In fact if I could freeze time, I fucking would. I needed to tell Kyle, I wanted to tell him. "Kyle I-"
There was a loud bump, followed by the screeching of breaks. Kyle and I dropped the hug and turned to face the road. I could see the outline of a truck. The front door opened and someone hopped out. "Oh my god!" Someone cried, I was pretty sure it was Wendy, but my head was still foggy.
The passenger got out, "What did we hit?" Asked a voice I knew all too well, Cartman. Hit? What had they- Sparky.
I felt myself go into a cold sweat. No, they couldn't have hit Sparky. Sparky was too smart to go out into the street. Then again, he was old and had poor eyesight. No, they didn't hit Sparky, it had to be something else. But what else could it have been? I felt my heart sink inside of me. I didn't want to lose Sparky, I couldn't. He was a part of my family and I loved him. He couldn't be gone just like that. Kyle turned back to me, he looked startled. "You look like you've seen a ghost. What is it?"
Obviously Kyle hadn't connect the dots. "Sparky-" I manage red to choke out. If I said anymore I was worried I might burst into tears.
I watched as Kyle's became worried. "Wait right here." Kyle walked off towards Wendy and Cartman. I felt light headed, I hoped this was all a bad dream. I couldn't start crying now though, I hated crying in front of my friends, especially if Cartman was here.
"At least that fag is dead." I heard Cartman say.
"Shut your mouth, fatass." Kyle retorted.
"Sticks and stones may break my bones, Jew." Cartman replied.
"Yeah, and I want to break every fucking bone in your body." Kyle huffed in annoyance, they were all walking over to me now. I mentally consoled myself not to cry until they left. Don't cry, don't cry, you can after they leave.
When they got to me, Wendy burst out into tears. "Stan, I'm so sorry I hit Sparky." She pulled me into a tight hug, I didn't return it.
Sparky was dead. He was fucking gone forever. Death was a weird concept, one day someones here and the next you never got to see them again. Wendy continued to hug me, Kyle stood by looking worried and Cartman looked bored. I didn't want to cry, but Wendy being so upset almost made me cry.
"It, uh, happens." I said, taking a step back into my house. "I'm really sick guys." With that, I closed the door. It didn't even matter that I left the cookies out on the front porch. I just stood behind the door and felt tears build up behind my eyes. Soon I was sobbing and just standing behind the front door. It happens, I repeated to myself, I'm a fucking idiot.
I sat down and pulled my knees up to my chest as I cried. I couldn't help it, everything was falling apart.
My mom found me like this. "It's late, let's get you in bed." She said softly, stroking my hair. She walked me up to my bedroom and then kissed me on the cheek before hugging me then leaving. I stripped down to my boxers and crawled into bed, starring at the ceiling. I was such a fucking idiot, I should've told Kyle to get sparky when he asked. I shouldn't have drank that Snchapps or Kyle wouldn't have been over at all.
In the end I just blamed myself for Sparky's death. Then, someway and somehow, I was able to fall asleep.
The next morning I didn't wake up with a headache, in fact, it was a beautiful sunny morning. I heard a bird outside my window and then it hit me. It was late in the morning, and it was the middle of the week. Sparky was dead, I was still upset with Kyle and Kenny, and I had been in the hospital for alcohol poisoning.
I groaned and rolled over, burying my head in my pillow. I wanted to just go to sleep, forever.
I felt sadness lay over me like a blanket. It killed off all my other emotions until it was the only one that remained. It was if I was surrounded by black mist that would never leave. I couldn't even feel the sun shine through my window. I felt as if I was dying a painful death, like someone was giving me paper cuts and it was slowly killing me.
Eventually my mom came in and told me to come downstairs and eat something. I wrapped a blanket around me before journeying down the stairs to have some French toast.
I ate the whole meal without really tasting any of it. I just couldn't get over the fact that Sparky was dead, and that Wendy ran him over. While I ate my mom looked at me worriedly, I tried not to make eye contact with her. "Kyle told me about Sparky." My mom told me softly.
I sighed in response and stood to go put my dishes in the sink. "He was old Stan-" my mom started, but I didn't want to hear anymore.
"Stop mom, it was Sparky, I loved him."
"Maybe we can get another dog?" She suggested.
"We can't just replace him, it hasn't even been a day." I ran my hands through my hair. My mom stayed silent after that. I glanced out in the backyard, it was weird to not see Sparky running around and digging holes.
I walked back upstairs to my room and laid back down. I was still feeling out of it, the rest of the afternoon I drifted in and out of sleep. I felt like shit, and it didn't feel like the feeling would soon go away.
There was a soft knock on my door, it was pushed open to reveal Kyle on the other side. "Holy shit dude, you look sick as fuck!" He exclaimed.
"Thanks." I replied, my voice thick with sarcasm. Kyle stepped in my room and closed the door behind him.
"Hoe do you feel?" He questioned.
"Shitty." I responded blankly.
Kyle walked over and sat on the edge of the bad. "Sorry dude."
"For what?"
"I feel bad." He replied simply. I sighed and closed my eyes. "Also for me and Kenny playing that stupid prank." He admitted.
The 'prank' was the whole damn reason I ended up in this mess. I'd let my feelings get the best of me. I had thought with my heart not my brain, and I had almost drank myself to death. "It's fine." I replied coldly.
"We shouldn't have done it." Kyle finished up, then the subject was dropped. He didn't have anything else to say and I didn't have a smartass comment to add. After a few moments of silence Kyle looked at me, "How's the status of your crush?"
"Why are you so damn persistent about this?" I laughed weakly and looked back at him. His eyes sparkled as he smiled.
"I'm just curious." He answered, laughing.
"What about you, do you have a crush?" I realize that it had slipped my mind to ever asked Kyle this. It would be vital to know this, maybe then I'd be able to tell him my feelings (or maybe I'd know not to). "A real crush, not a fake one on Kenny." I added.
Kyle's smile turned to a frown at my last comment. "I do, but I think they're upset with me right now."
"Who is it?" I asked, propping myself up on my elbows. "What if it really is Kenny?" I questioned out loud.
"It's not Kenny." Kyle said, though he didn't sound too convincing. "That was just a stupid prank."
"Yeah, I hope you two never pull a fucking stunt like that again. It was annoying as fuck. You two combined are worse than Cartman." I huffed, my voice full of annoyance. My mood had suddenly changed and at the moment I wanted nothing more than for Kyle to just leave me alone.
"Stan, I'm sorry. What do you want me to do to make it up to you? It's in the past now." Kyle rolled his eyes.
"Dude you don't understand." I said weakly, laying back down.
"Then explain it to me."
I had a chance, a perfect opportunity to confess my feelings. I opened my mouth to tell him. I tried, I really tried, but nothing came out. It was as if my throat had closed and the words were stuck. I wanted to tell him, there was so much I wanted to tell him. He had been so busy hanging out with Kenny that we had barely talked in the past few weeks. "It's just really complicated, okay?" My voice softened at the end.
"Stan I know something's wrong. You ended up in the hospital for drinking for hells sake, it's pretty obvious. I want to help you, we're best friends! But I can't help you if you can't tell me what's going on in your life. Normally I'd think it was just because of Sparky, but this has been going on a lot longer." Kyle's voice was full of worry. I didn't want him to worry about me, I just had a stupid crush.
I was in love with my best friend.
My best friend who was sitting next to me, worrying about me because he could tell I was sad. Yet somehow I couldn't talk to him. I needed to come up with an excuse. "Stress..." I finally said as a half assed answer. It wasn't complete false, I was stressed. It just wasn't the whole truth.
"That's vague." Kyle stated bitterly.
"School." I sighed, as if it was more of an answer.
"We used to tell each other everything." Kyle mused, his tone changing suddenly. "Trust is like a flower, blooming as it grows, but I guess it's winter and our trust flower has shriveled up and died."
I figured I was probably being a bad friend. At least Kyle cared enough to to notice something was wrong with me. The thing was, I trusted Kyle, I just wasn't ready to tell him. I couldn't think of a way to explain that to him though, I doubted anything I would say would change his mind. I realized I had dug myself in a hole and i would have a hard time getting out of it. Especially since I was in this alone. Bebe and Cartman were the only people who knew I had a crush on Kyle, and they weren't much for helping people.
"Kyle I trust you." I mustered the most reassuring voice possible. "It's just that... Things have been weird lately. I meant Wendy broke up with me for Cartman. Cartman, that's crazy. I have a crush on a boy, and I ended up in the hospital because of all my drinking. Also Sparky is dead. I'm stressed, I'm failing all my classes, the end of the quarter is coming up. And you running around with Kenny isn't helping, I've missed you. We've barely hung out in the past month because you've been so preoccupied with this prank." I felt my eyes water, but I promised myself I wouldn't cry so I blinked them back. Besides, this was all my fault, I couldn't cry. I was the one that drank the alcohol, I was the one that let sparky out, I was the one that hadn't done my work in my classes. The only think Kyle did was play a stupid prank, yet I couldn't help feel some resentment towards him.
Kyle sat there dumbfounded, "I- I didn't know." He stumbled over his words.
"Yeah, I've noticed." My words were dull and cold as ice.
"Why didn't you tell me sooner?" He demanded.
"You were always busy." I pointed out, I had lost my fire. The words coming out of my mouth were unemotional and monotone. I was done arguing with him.
"You should've tried harder, I'd always put you before Kenny." Kyle insisted, "I was just so caught up in the prank that I kinda, well, forgot."
"Kyle, I don't want to hear this shit." My voice was emotionless, it surprised me. I was tired, I was sick, and I wanted Kyle to stop talking about this. "Will you just leave me alone for awhile?" I asked, I didn't look at him.
"Stan-"
I cut him off before he could say anymore. "No, Kyle, I don't want to talk about this anymore. Just leave me alone for awhile." I repeated.
Kyle sighed in defeat. "See you later dude." Kyle sounded annoyed as he left, I wouldn't blame him.
Once Kyle was gone I felt bad. I couldn't call him after I did all that dramatic shit though, that would be too pathetic. On the other hand, I couldn't talk to anyone else about this.
Had I just got rid of the person I needed most right now?
No. Kyle and I wouldn't be mad at each other for long, right? He knew I got like this when I was sad, it was like he was walking into a trap he knew was there.
I groaned and turned on my side, closing my eyes. My headache from earlier had returned. I couldn't decide if it was because I was tired of stressed, it was probably a mixture of both.
I forced myself to to go to sleep, but it was only a nap because my dad decided to vacuum the whole house while singing. I put another pillow over my head to try and drown out the noise but I could still hear his voice.
Eventually he got go my room and burst through the door. "How are you feeling Stanley?" He asked, turning off the vacuum.
"Shitty." I groaned.
"I hope you learned you lesson Stan, alcohol is bad." He informed me. I squinted my eyes at him. What the fuck? My dad was the town drunk, I never though I'd hear those words come out of his mouth.
"Did mom tell you to tell me this?" I asked him.
"Now son, you mom doesn't have to tell me what to tell you. I can think for myself." He insisted. I knew Mom had made him do it.
I just shook my head, "Hurry up and clean my room so I can go back to sleep."
My dad made fast work of my room. Soon he was completely done and the house was quiet again. I looked at the clock. It was only eight and I hadn't had dinner but I decided that it was the best time for me to go to sleep. I closed my eyes and sighed, and prayed that Kyle would forgive me.
It's been way too long since I've updated, wow. I was stuck on writing this for a long time but I kind of have a better idea of where this story is going now. Thanks for all the reviews, follows and favorites! ^^
