I got my nose to stop bleeding quickly. I scrubbed at the drawing on my forehead before deciding I was doomed to spend the day with a- now faded- drawing of a dick on my forehead. I groaned and looked at myself in the mirror. I was already late to class, I debated just ditching first period, but I knew my mom would be mad at me.
I walked out of the bathroom and down the hall towards class. As I was walking down the hallway I heard laughing from inside one of the janitor closets. I stopped and looked around, no one else was in the hall so I was sure it was coming from the closet. I turned the handle and opened the door.
Inside the closet, among the brooms and cleaner, sat Wendy and Cartman. Before I could react, Cartman snickered, "Stan, you can't go back into the closet once you're out of it!"
I opened my mouth to respond, but I didn't have any witty comebacks. Wendy laughed, "Is that a drawing of a dick on your face?" She asked.
I nodded, "Kenny and my dad drew it in there." I answered sighing.
Wendy smiled, "Let me help you cover it up."
"But close the door." Cartman added. I closed the door and stepped inside.
Wendy motioned for me to sit on a crate. "I think I'll be able to cover it up with some makeup." She said, grabbing her bag and digging through it. I wondered why she was helping me, I didn't have the slightest idea.
"Why were you ditching class?" Cartman asked.
"Because you gave me a fucking bloody nose!" I answered, my voice thick with annoyance.
Cartman laughed, "I didn't hit you with the door that hard." He insisted.
I rolled my eyes as Wendy pulled out her make up brushes. She started to apply the makeup to my forehead. I hoped, for my sake, that it worked. It wasn't exactly ideal to walk around school with a dick drawn on my forehead all day. "Do you guys often hang out in this closet?" I questioned.
Wendy shrugged, "Sometimes."
"Why are you helping me cover up this dick if I was such a, well, dick to you?" I asked Wendy.
Wendy smiled, "You don't need a reason to help people." She replied happily. I saw Cartman roll his eyes in the background. I wondered how they ended up together, but they both seemed happy so maybe things were working out better than I thought for them.
"At any rate, I'm sorry. I felt like I never told you that." I sighed softly. Maybe if I practiced apologizing to Wendy, it would be easier to apologize to Kyle when I had to.
"I forgive you." Wendy responded. She focused on applying the makeup to my forehead. I had a hard time believing she would forgive me just like that, but maybe she was being truthful. Maybe she still felt bad for hitting Sparky. I felt sadness wash over me at the thought of him.
"Why are you forgiving him?" Cartman sneered. I was on his side for once, I didn't understand why Wendy would want to forgive me.
Wendy shook her head. "Anyone can hold a grudge, but it takes a strong person to forgive. When you forgive you release yourself from a painful burden. Forgiveness doesn't mean what happened was OK, and it doesn't mean the person should still be welcome in your life. It just means you've made peace with the pain, and are ready to let it go. And sometimes holding on to things hurts worse than just letting go."
Wendy was right, but when wasn't she? Cartman didn't say anything after that. Wendy stepped away and looked at me. "You can't even tell that there was a dick there!" She exclaimed happily. She held up a mirror for me to see. There was nothing there. "Concealer is basically magic."
I smiled and stood up. "Thanks Wendy."
"You're welcome Stan." Then she gave me a hug, and I hugged her back.
"Ugh." Cartman groaned from the corner he was sitting in. Wendy giggled and walked over to him, kissing him on the cheek. I smiled, I was actually happy for them. I was over Wendy, I was happy she had forgiven me. I was happy that her and Cartman were happy together.
Maybe Butters was right about choosing to be happy. I guess I could've chosen to be upset about Cartman and Wendy, but there was no reason to.
There was still Kyle to be upset about though. My mood changed and I was back to being negative again. I needed to apologize to Kyle, and it needed to be soon. I didn't want to cause any irreversible damage to our friendship, but I was worried I might be too late.
I left Cartman and Wendy in the janitors closet and then made it to the last ten minutes of class.
The day seemed to go by fast. I didn't pay attention in class, I just thought about Kyle. I also thought about what Wendy said about forgiveness. I hoped Kyle would forgive me like Wendy had. I still hadn't decided when to apologize to him. It needed to be soon, and it needed to be a good apology. I couldn't half-ass anything.
When it was time for lunch I went and sat with Butters. It was weird to sit with him. He sat with Tweek, Craig, Token, Jimmy, Clyde and a few other people. I knew them all, but had barely talked to any of them since elementary school. They didn't seem to mind me sitting there though, Butters had insisted that I stay.
I realized something while sitting there though. As I looked around the lunchroom I saw everyone in their little groups. Wendy, Bebe and all their friends, including Cartman, sat at one table. Everyone's groups had a lot of people, or so it seemed. Then I saw Kenny and Kyle sitting together at they able where I usually would've been sitting with them. The group looked so little and sad compared to all the rest of them.
All my life I had thought that we were kind of the cool group, but now I didn't think so. Our group was small and we hardly ever associated with anyone else. Cartman had even left out group. Maybe we were all social recluses. I looked around at the people I was sitting by, they had a bigger group than us, and they were all just the nerdy kids. But I guess birds of a feather flock together.
Lunch was pretty uneventful. Tweek and Craig talked softly to each other as Clyde rambled on about something or other. I tried to be nice and listen to their conversation but my mind was far away. It was three tables away exactly, right on Kyle. I couldn't get him off my mind and that wasn't good. I needed to talk to him, I just needed a perfect time. Unfortunately I didn't know when that perfect time would be, or if it would ever be.
After lunch I walked to foods class alone. I wondered if Kyle thought about me as much as I thought about him. Probably not. When I got to foods I sat down in my seat and pulled out my notes again. Cartman was the next to get here, Kyle and Kenny came at the same time. "Okay you guys, I have a great plan, so halloween's coming up in five days right?"
We nodded. Cartman grinned, "I'm going to throw a huge Halloween party and invite everyone." He stated.
Kenny smiled, "That'll be fun! I'll definitely go to that."
Cartman nodded, "What about you two?" He asked me and Kyle.
"Sure, it'll be fun." Kyle replied, smiling. He had such a cute smile.
"I might." I answered. I didn't really want to go to the party. Kyle and Kenny would probably hang out, then I would be forced to hang out awkwardly with Cartman or something. I was right about our group being so small. I hadn't realized it before but I didn't have many people that I would call good friends. Most people were just school friends.
"Come on Stan, you have to go." Cartman coaxed.
"I'll think about it." I replied as the bell rang. The talking stopped and class started. I stared at Kyle for most of the period. He was wearing his green sweater vest that matched his hat and his eyes. Kyle was the only person I knew who could possibly pull off that look. He looked like something out of a dream. I wanted to talk to him, but I didn't even know where to start.
"Want to come over and play video games with me and Kenny?" Cartman asked after school. I was standing next to my car, Kenny and Cartman stood next to each other, looking at me.
I hadn't hung out with them in a long time. "Sure." It would've been more fun if Kyle came with us, but I guess I couldn't do anything about it.
"You have to give us a ride though." Cartman said, I figured. We all piled into my car and I drove to cartman's house. Outside it was snowing, it was really starting to come down.
"I hate the snow." Cartman commented, "I can't wait until I can leave this shitty town."
"Me too." I agreed. I didn't hate the snow, but I didn't want to be in this town anymore.
When we got to Cartman's house we played video games and his mom basically waited on us hand and foot. Kenny won most of the games that we played, I lost every time though. I wasn't really trying, I didn't care enough to try.
After about two hours of Kenny beating Cartman at video games, and Cartman getting mad, they decided that we should do something else.
We sucked at deciding what to do though. We finally decided to watch movies and eat basically everything in Cartman's house.
I was sitting on the end of the couch, Kenny was laying with his feet on me, and Cartman sat on the floor. Kenny fell asleep at some point, he must've been exhausted. He almost always seemed tired. I was always tired too though. Tired and sad.
Mrs. Cartman walked into the room and looked at us and the glanced outside. "The snow is coming down pretty hard, you boys might be snowed in here."
"I didn't ask to be stuck with a damn hippie and a poor person all night." Cartman complained. I rolled my eyes.
"There's no way they could drive home in this storm." Mrs. Cartman explained, she pulled the blinds up to reveal a blizzard outside. "Besides, Kenny is already asleep. I would hate to wake him."
Cartman groaned, "Fine, whatever." Mrs. Cartman smiled and left the room, leaving us alone once again.
After a few moments Cartman looked at me. "When are you going to apologize to Kyle and get your fag on?"
I laughed and then shrugged in response. "I don't know, I don't even know where to begin with him."
"Well you just have to apologize, it's not that hard." Cartman pointed out.
"Dude, I've never heard you apologize to anyone in your whole life, and you've killed someone." I thought for a moment. A lot of weird shit happened when we were kids. A lot of weird shut still happened, I think we had all gotten smarter though. The shit that happened now was different, not as surreal.
For a moment I felt sad. I missed being young and all the strange things that came with it. I missed when we all got along together better and I wasn't so confused and stubborn. I even missed the times that weren't as fun, because looking back a lot of things that has happened were funny. Now everything was depressing and gray, but maybe that's just what happened when you got older. If it was, I didn't want to get any older.
Cartman laughed, "It's okay Stan. Beside's it's Kyle it's not like you're a random whore apologizing to someone for giving them herpes." Cartman waved it off.
"I'll do it later." I sighed, "I'm stupid for letting it get this bad."
"Yeah, you kind of are." Cartman agreed.
Kenny stirred and then opened his eyes to look at me. "I knew you had a crush on Kyle, did I call it or did I call it?" Kenny smiled smugly.
"Woah Kenny, you didn't know?" Cartman asked, surprised.
"I had a theory, but now it's confirmed." Kenny laughed, I blushed lightly because he would relentlessly tease me from here on out.
"I thought you were asleep, you're one of the heaviest sleepers I know."
"Who said I was asleep? My eyes were just closed." Kenny laughed and then sat up. "I wish I was asleep though, I'm tired as fuck."
"Kenny you're always so tired, it's only nine thirty." Cartman pointed out.
"Yeah, but I want to go to sleep."
"Why?" Cartman asked.
"Because I like to sleep, my dreams are better than reality." Kenny explained, he ran his hands through his hair and then laid back down.
"I like to sleep because I pretend that I'm dead." I added. Sleeping had became my favorite pastime. It made time go faster and I could escape from my feeling for a few hours. I slept a lot more now that alcohol was out of the picture. Except I craved alcohol a lot of the time and would take it over sleep any day.
"You guys are weird." Cartman said simply, then he stood. "That couch is a futon, you guys are gonna half to sleep on it together."
Kenny groaned and rolled over, "Stan I'm probably going to kick you."
I stood, "Let's hope not." Kenny got up too and we pulled out the bed and got a pile of blankets. Cartman left to go to sleep, or whatever he was doing. He seemed to hate the idea of sleeping.
Kenny and I crawled under the covers. I laid on my back and stared at the ceiling. It was weird to see at different ceiling for once. I thought Kenny would be long asleep, but he wasn't. He turned on his side and looked at me. "So you and Kyle, huh?"
"Yup."
"God dammit dude, you gotta apologize to him."
"I will, soon." I replied, I closed my eyes.
"It won't be that hard to apologize to him, in sure he'll forgive you." Kenny insisted.
"Yeah, but I really fucked up." I took off my hat and ran a hand through my hair.
"So? Cartman has fucked up worse and Kyle still tolerates him. He can't hate you forever."
"I guess you're right." I wanted the subject to drop. I found that if you told people they were right them they would drop the subject.
Silence hang around us. I could tell Kenny wasn't asleep, he was thinking of something else to say. Apparently he thought of nothing. "I'm going to sleep, sweet dreams Stan."
"You too." I was alone now with only my thoughts to keep my company. I tried to go to sleep, but I tossed and turned all night. Lucky for Kenny, he was a heavy sleeper. Kenny never kicked me, but he did move a lot in his sleep. I was surprised he never woke up from all the movement, from both me and him. Every time I was about to fall asleep, Kenny rolled over and I would wake up again.
My mind kept drifting back to Kyle and how I needed to patch things up with him. I was more upset about this than I thought, and I had all the power to fix it. I doubted Kyle would come to me and say anything, he seemed to be doing fine anyways. I grabbed my phone, it was almost three in the morning. I set my phone back down.
I was going to apologize to Kyle. It needed to be soon, and I needed time to come up with what to say. I didn't want it to be rushed because I needed to explain why I was so stupid.
The Halloween party.
It was in four days. That would be perfect. Kenny would probably force Kyle to go anyways, so I wasn't worried about him not being there. Now I just needed to find the perfect words to say.
The next day I was tired the second I woke up. Sleeping on Cartman's futon next to Kenny was not my first choice. I hoped that it would be a snow day, but it wasn't. We hardly ever got snow day's because there was always so much fucking snow.
The day was kind of a blur. I fell asleep in math class and woke up to and angry teacher and a laughing class. I didn't really care though.
At lunch I sat next to Butters and his friends and listened to Tweek and Clyde get into an argument over which coffee tasted better. I didn't know much about coffee, but when they asked my opinion I sided with Tweek. I figured he probably knew best, he was drinking coffee almost every second for fucks sake.
After lunch I walked into foods. It turned out we had cook. We were just making pancakes though, so I didn't think anything would go too badly, but of course I was wrong.
Our group was a trainwreck before we had even started cooking. Kyle and I weren't talking to each other and Cartman was talking to Wendy.
Kenny frowned at us, "You two need to help."
"I'll help, what do you want me to do?" I asked him.
"Can you work the stove?" He asked, "I don't want to go anywhere near it."
"Why not? Are you afraid of stoves or some shit?" Cartman asked, laughing.
"No, it'd just that something bad will happen and it'll probably end in death. I don't know about you, but it's a no from me!" Kenny laughed almost painfully, then he handed me a pan. "You'll do great."
I sighed and walked over to the stove. Kyle and Kenny mixed up the batter and then Kyle walked over with it.
Now the thing was, Kyle and I both sucked at cooking. We sucked even worse when we weren't talking to each other and we were trying to cook at the same time. At first things seemed be be going alright, I flipped the pancakes when they needed to be flipped and Kyle poured more batter, the pancakes even sort of looked good.
We were getting down to the last of the batter when Cartman called our attention over to him. "You guys all have to come to Halloween party." He said.
"I forgot how close Halloween was. I need a costume." Kenny thought for a moment, "It has to have something to do with booty."
"Doesn't everything you do already half to do with booty?" Asked Kyle, it was the first I heard him talk all day.
"Of course it is, that's why I'm coming after you Kyle, because that ass is fine." Kenny grinned his signature McCormick grin as Kyle rolled his eyes.
"God! You fags are almost too much to handle." Cartman complained.
"Shut up fatass." Kyle retorted.
"Anyways, the important thing is you guys are all coming to my party." Cartman changed the subject. He had a one track mind.
"Of course." Kyle waved it off with his hand.
Cartman talked about the party for a few more minutes. He sounded like he had this thing all planned out. After a few minutes of this Kenny's eyes widens as he looked at me. "Oh fuck." He mumbled.
"What?" I asked, I turned around to see that the pancake that had been cooking had burst into flames. "Shit."
The teacher ran over and quickly motioned us to leave the classroom. In fact the whole school had to evacuate. "Stan I thought I could trust you on the oven." Kenny said, once we were outside. "You gotta be more flipping careful than that."
Kyle laughed, "Was that a pancake pun?"
Kenny smiled, "Of course."
After everything was sorted out Cartman, Kenny, Kyle and had to go to the principals office. We got a lecture about how we should never have had tried to pull a stunt like that and how we had put everyone in danger. Kenny had tried explaining that it was an accident, but the principal was having none of that shit.
In the end we all got suspended until next week. It was really only a two day suspension, but suspension never the less. It was my fault too.
"I'm kinda sad the school didn't burn down, it would've been a lot more fun." Cartman stated after we'd left the principal's office.
"I think so too." Kenny agreed.
"My parents are going to kill me." Kyle groaned. I almost agreed with him but then I remembered we weren't talking. I felt bad, after all I was supposed to be watching the pancakes.
I went home and fell asleep on the couch until my mom woke me up.
I told my parents that I had been suspended at dinner. "What the hell were you suspended for?" My dad asked.
"We almost burnt down the school." I explained, avoiding the fact that I specifically had almost burnt down the school.
"Stanley what's been up with you lately? We've been meaning to talk to you." My mom said.
"I'm just stressed out about school." I lied. It wasn't even just school anymore, I was stressed out about life. "But hey, now I have the next two days off to work on my mountains of homework." I added bitterly.
My mom and dad exchanged glances as I ate. I missed Sparky running around during and begging for scraps. I thought about getting another dog, but you couldn't just replace a dog that easily. Sparky was a part of my family, and now he was just gone. It didn't seem fair, I would've gladly took his place.
After I was done eating I did the dishes before going to go my room. I figured that I had better start thinking about what I was going to say when I apologized to Kyle. Now I had to add the fact that I was sorry he got suspended to the mix. He would probably still be pretty upset about that.
I ran my hand through my hair as I sat on my bed. I was worried that I wouldn't be able to fix this, but I needed to. I needed to because I couldn't sit with Butters and his friends for the rest of the year, and I couldn't watch Kyle from across the classroom and not talk to him anymore. I prayed Kyle would forgive me, because if he didn't I would be lost again.
I left like I was stuck on a road that lead down a dark forest. I had no idea what was coming, or what was lurking in the dark, but I had a feeling it was bad. I didn't know where the road would end either, I didn't know where it was leading. Maybe I wasn't even walking down the metaphorical road anymore, maybe I had stopped at the deepest darkest part and everything was attacking me now.
Maybe there was nothing that I could do to fix this. Maybe I would be sad forever. Or maybe in the future I'd talk my kids about my best friend that I had fucked up so badly with that I had lost him forever. I didn't want to give up hope yet, but I felt pretty hopeless. I just wanted everything to be okay again. I wanted Kyle and me to get along again, and I wanted to be able to tell him everything. I wanted to tell Kyle how I really felt about him.
There was a knock on my bedroom door. It brought me back to my senses. "Come in." I called out.
My dad walked in and then closed the door again. "You mom thought it would be a good idea for us to have a talk. Have you been drinking?"
"No dad." I answered truthfully. I didn't even know where my parents had hidden all their alcohol, and I never had enough time to snoop around and find it.
"Good, because I don't want you to be drinking my alcohol anymore. That shit is expensive."
I should've known. It made me sad to think that I was like my dad. When I was little I wanted to be just like him when I got older. That was when I was too young to know he was a weird ass alcoholic. I guess I had gotten my childhood wish in a way, I was just like my dad. We were both alcoholics, like father like son.
"It's because the expensive stuff is the good stuff." I pointed out.
My dad thought this over. "Good point, but stay away from my alcohol."
"Will do dad. Is that all you wanted to talk about?" I asked him.
"No one more thing. What's been wrong the past few days?" He asked. That was a question with a lot of answers. I needed to pick something safe, something that I wouldn't get in trouble for.
"Kyle and I got in a fight." I told him.
"Is that why you've been acting so strange lately? That and the fact that your dog is deader than a doornail." My dad laughed, I just looked at him and sighed. "Okay sorry, that was too much."
I waited for him to stop laughing before I said anything. "I have to apologize to Kyle, but I don't think he'll forgive me."
My dad shook his head. "Stan everyone knows you and Kyle are gay for each other. Just apologize and kiss it out."
For a second I thought my dad actually knew that I had a crush on Kyle. Then I realized it was just my dad being well, my dad. I wondered if my dad worried about me being gay. H used to when I was younger and spend a lot of time with Kyle, but I don't think he did anymore. Or he just cared less.
"I'll apologize to him later." I told my dad, I just wanted him to leave.
My dad nodded, "Anything else you want to talk about? Because I'm missing America's Got Talent for this."
I was happy that my dad thought I was more important that America's Got Talent, but then I remembered my mom made him talk to me. "Go watch your show." I said, and just like that he was gone.
I put on pajama's before crawling into bed. I was still tired from the night before. At least without school I could sleep in. I planned to work on homework until Sunday when Cartman's party was. I thought it was weird he was doing it on Sunday but he was adamant about doing it on Halloween.
I nestled into my bed. It felt so comfy, probably because I was so mentally and physically tired. I pulled the covers up around me and closed my eyes, slowly drifting to sleep.
I've been stuck on this story for so long but I finally got the inspiration I needed to finish it off. Since its summer, I can update more regularly without the stress off school- woohoo! Thanks for reading guys~
