Chapter 20
"What the hell is going on?"
Tony raised his head from where it had been resting and looked up into the eyes of his frustrated guardian. Really he couldn't blame Rhodey for being angry. It was around seven o'clock on Saturday morning and the man had been working hard all week having taken on some extra shifts.
"Tony?" Rhodey prompted, arms folded over his chest as he frowned down at where Tony was sitting on the floor.
"I..." was all he managed. The words just seemed to leave him. Vanish, along with his emotions. He felt empty but not in a nice light way, more in a heavy way. Something was anchoring him to the floor leaving him with no energy or motivation to move. He'd never had his parents death used against him like that, and hearing it from the one person he was truly starting to care about felt like nothing he had ever experienced before. And he could say now he never wanted it to be again.
Rhodey seemed to pick up on there being something seriously wrong. His expression softened somewhat and he sat down next to Tony, hesitating on whether to rest a hand on his shoulder. In the end he decided against it, Tony didn't look like he wanted to be touched. He decided to start with small questions, asking them one at a time so as not overwhelm the clearly stressed or upset teenager.
"Is everything okay?" It was just a clarifying question. He already knew the answer even before Tony shook his head. "Is it to do with last night?" A nod. "Is it to do with your boyfriend?" Another nod. "Something he said?" Again. "Something you said?" A more hesitant nod this time. At least he was getting somewhere, Rhodey thought. "So, why was Loki here this morning?"
A more difficult question that actually involved words not just a nod or shake of the head. Tony tensed visibly but made no move to talk. After a few beats of silence, he opened his mouth and started to talk. The explanation was brief, Rhodey guessed he was leaving out a lot of detail, yet it was an answer and he couldn't argue with that.
"Loki had a huge fight with his parents, I went to his house to make sure he was okay and he came back with me. He stayed the night then something was done that started an argument then something bad was said and he left." As an afterthought, he added, "Sorry for waking you."
"No worries," Rhodey replied, getting up from the floor. He offered Tony his hand and was relieved when the man accepted it, allowing himself to be pulled to his feet. "Look I'm not gunna offer advise unless you want it because honestly I don't know what to say but you know I'm here if you need me."
"Thanks," Tony whispered with a weak smile.
"Any time, now go get a shower or something and I'll make us some breakfast."
In that moment Tony didn't think he'd ever been more grateful for having Rhodey as his guardian. He did as instructed, heading up to the bathroom where he took a long hot shower, basking in the warmth it brought to his skin. Sitting on the kitchen floor, he hadn't even realised he was cold. After he got dressed in sweatpants and his favourite hoodie – a faded red one – before following the scent of eggs and bacon back to the kitchen.
They ate in relative silence, the clink of their cutlery the only sound that broke it. Tony felt like he should speak but he didn't know what to say. You couldn't just start a random conversation at a time like this. Mindless small talk would only make matters worse and, despite their reassured belief that the silence was comfortable, there was an underlying awareness of the other that created a hint of awkwardness.
"I don't want it to seem like I'm prying but...have you and Loki broken up? Or...?" Rhodey trailed off, opting instead to break the oppressing silence by picking up their empty plates and taking them to the sink.
"Honestly, I have no idea."
Then Tony was on his feet and out of the room. Most teenagers when feeling angsty would lock themselves in their rooms, blast music at the loudest volume their eardrums would permit, crawl into bed and just lay there. Not Tony. When he was feeling in any way emotional he would close off, lock himself in his garage and tinker all day, fix and modify all his appliances, and generally do anything to take his mind off of the things he didn't want to think about. It hurt Rhodey to see him like that. Things had been going so well for him and now this. He really hoped it would work out okay.
He slammed the door with as much force as he could muster without the threat of shattering the glass. Immediately it drew the attention of every member of his house and, for once, surprisingly, he didn't care. Frigga practically sprinted from the kitchen out to meet him, Odin followed not long after and Thor appeared at the top of the stairs, preferring to stay out the way just in case everything was about to hit off. Loki assumed he had been informed of what had happened the night before.
His parents paused about a metre or two away, unsure of whether they should approach any closer. Odin was very hesitant in the way he moved, shifting awkwardly from foot to foot while, on his left, Frigga abandoned all pretence of pretending not to be relieved that Loki was home. She took a step closer, then another when Loki made no protest. When she was close enough, Loki looked her straight in the eye and something within him just broke. Before their eyes, Loki crumpled; falling into Frigga's waiting arms.
"I fucked up," he said. "I fucked up really badly."
Even with his high standards, Odin couldn't find it within him to scold Loki. He looked so young holding onto his wife that he had to actually remind himself of Loki's age. How could this fragile being in front of him be the person who stood defiantly against him yesterday in front of a room full of people? That was about the moment that it hit him exactly how much Loki had probably been suffering due to his poorly handled situations. The regret washed in and he wished he could take it all back, he wished he could take Loki from Frigga's embrace and hug him himself then have a long and thorough talk to him. He wanted to clear the suffocating air that had been between them for months now. No matter the blood that ran through his veins, Loki was his son. And would remain so for as long as he wanted to be a member of their family.
"What happened? Loki, tell me what's wrong?" Frigga pleaded, trying to make sense of Loki's mumblings.
"I just...I messed up and I don't think I can fix it."
"Of course you can Loki, you haven't messed up anything," she implored, confused, thinking he was referring to the night before. "You need to calm down, come and sit down."
Blindly, Loki followed as she guided him into the living room and sitting him down on one of the sofas.
"Odin, make some tea," Frigga nodded at her husband, gesturing with her head towards the kitchen. He got the hint. She wanted him away for a few minutes so that she could talk to Loki alone. "Please," she added afterwards.
When Odin had disappeared round the corner and was making loud work of preparing the tea, Frigga turned to Loki. She tried to make eye contact but he stared resolutely at the floor, unwilling to look up at her. However, at least she was starting to catch on that the problem was not what had happened the day before. Loki would not have allowed himself to be touched or directed in such a way, no matter how upset he was, if the reason was because of them. He would have argued. Instead, her thoughts fell to the other option to the cause of this sadness. She assumed it must have had something to do with where he had stayed the previous night.
It was after much prompting and patience that Loki finally opened up but even then it was with few words and very little explanation. Odin had long since brought in the tea, handing Loki a mug to which he took without complaint, even managing a 'thank you' in amongst all his silence. He waited until his tea was almost cold before he actually started to sip it. Only a few swallows in, he set it down on the coffee table and didn't pick it up again.
"Tony and I had an argument."
"Right," Frigga nodded, waiting for more information yet hesitant to press him for it. "About what?"
Loki ignored the question, choosing instead to follow his own train of thought. "I said something... that was extremely unfair. I panicked and left and now I think it's too late to fix anything. If it was the other way round, I could never forgive him so how can I expect him to forgive me?"
Well, that was a good question. One that neither Odin or Frigga had the answer to, especially seeing as they were both still confused about the situation, knowing none of the details of what was actually said.
"Look, I'm sure it'll be fine. If he's your friend he will see you're sorry, if not then you can make new friends." Odin was actually quite impressed with himself with that advice. Yet, when both Frigga and Loki stared at him incredulously, he guessed that he'd probably said the wrong thing.
"Tony was...is...was, oh I don't know what we are now, but at the time he was my boyfriend. I'm not so sure now though," Loki added as an afterthought.
"Oh," Odin said stupidly. "I just assumed you kissed him to annoy me."
Again they both stared at him dubiously with expressions that asked why he was saying these words. Frigga rubbed her fingertips over her temple while Loki just sat there contemplating Odin's words with an expression of mixed amazement and incredulity. In spite of the situation, Loki couldn't help but laugh. It was short, only holding a hint of humour and yet it was enough to lighten the mood, if only slightly.
"Seriously Odin, I do wonder how you don't fall down more when you can't even realise something so obvious. There were so many hints, couldn't you guess?" Frigga asked.
He shifted uncomfortably. "Um, apparently not."
That caused her to let out a laugh, taking her husband's hand in hers and squeezing it, as if to say, it's okay you're an idiot sometimes, I still love you.
"I think I'm going to go to my room."
Loki hesitated by the door, turning back to say something then closing his mouth and disappearing silently upstairs. Though he hadn't said anything, both Odin and Frigga were positive that an apology had been very close to being said. Frigga just hoped that, when he did say it, Odin would be there to meet him with his own.
Once upstairs in his room, Loki released a steady breath, thankful that Thor hadn't been there when he reached the landing. Now left alone, he tried to put the situation in perspective. It was true things could be a lot worse, but things could also be a lot better so that really wasn't the best approach to sorting the situation. He guessed that Tony wouldn't want to hear from him and he definitely wasn't going to apologise over the phone. Instead he went for another option. He took up his phone and called a number that he'd never actually called before. He was surprised when the other line was picked up after only a few rings; it was still very early on a Saturday.
"Hi Clint," He said.
"Loki," Clint acknowledged, sounding hesitant. "This is a rare occurrence, what's up?
"Could you do something for me?"
"Yeah, what? Are you sure you're okay, you sound all weird?"
"Well, I'm pretty sure Tony and I aren't together anymore, we had an argument and things were said but anyway...could you please call him or check on him to make sure he's okay? Don't tell him I asked you to, just-"
"I know, make it sound casual," Clint replied, and Loki was thankful he didn't press the matter of what exactly happened. "I'll drop you a text later telling you what's happening."
"Thank you," Loki said, relieved.
He put the phone down feeling slightly better though nothing could fully remove the weight in his stomach. He'd really messed up yet he had no idea how to fix it. Instead of worrying himself over that right now, he collapsed backwards onto his bed and waited for Clint's reply even though it could be a few hours before he answered. As it turned out it wasn't much longer. About an hour later his phone buzzed with a text. He threw himself at it and opened the text, desperate to know what had happened. His eagerness was regretted when he got to the last line of the message.
I had the time so I dropped round his instead. He seemed okay, a bit quiet. Only problem was he got a bit suspicious why I was suddenly checking on him. Being the smartass he is he guessed I knew what's going on meaning he knows you told me. I tried to say you hadn't really told me anything but he didn't listen. I'm sorry man, really!
Sort out one problem in your life and another takes its place. Loki dropped his head into his hands and sighed dramatically. Well, so much for apologising, he doubted Tony would even want to be in the same room as him now. He groaned and buried his head into his pillows, willing the world away.
It was quite impressive really, in less than twenty-four hours he'd managed to have a serious conversation with his boyfriend before enjoying a nice evening with him that was subsequently ruined by him accidentally showing affection in front of his adoptive father who didn't approve, to then have a blazing row with him that led to him being slapped in front of his extended family and taken home. He was then rescued by his amazing boyfriend and stayed round his for the night before having an argument with him the next morning, he said something inexcusable and left to later have a fairly civil conversation with his parents. And all this was just the build-up for the climax, the cherry on top of the cake, how he'd basically ensured that he no longer had a boyfriend by asking said boyfriend's best friend to check up on him which just spiralled into disaster.
Loki doubted it could get any worse, and yet, the day was still young.
I'm sorry for being such a terrible person with updates, I PROMISE TO TRY AND GET THEM UP QUICKER FROM NOW ON! Please check out the oneshot I posted recently, it's a frostiron soldier!Au called Under Purple Skies, if you're interested.
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