Chapter Eight
It's amazing what two hours of interrupted sleep and real bath could do to make one feel better. Dr. Lam cleaned her up as best as she could when she got here, but it paled in comparison to a real shower; it was glorious. Squeaky clean and in another pair of fresh scrubs, Vala gingerly ventured out of the room that had become her quarters for the remainder of the trip. She was famished and had no idea where to go for sustenance. While she knew who the Asgard were, she had never encountered one and had absolutely no idea what they ate or if it was editable for humans. Vala followed the sound of voices as she walked down the hall. She came to a doorway where Teal'c, Mitchell, and Carter were all talking in quiet, harsh tones. They failed to notice her and she decided not to alert them to her presence, hoping to learn something.
"Damn it, Sam!" Mitchell snapped, "we can't just let this go on! We need to get him to snap out of it! That placed fucked with his head and we need to get it back on straight for him!"
"Cam, you're not listening," Sam argued, her patience slipping the more they argued, "He doesn't want that! Besides, you have no idea what it was like there!"
"Excuse me?" Mitchell said incredulous, "I was there too!"
"You were essentially the same person there. Teal'c too," Sam contradicted, "Daniel and I weren't. We both had children for fuck's sake! That Sam had three children, Cam! Do you know what it was like to hear that, to see their faces in photos? To know that she had been married to Jack for years?"
"You're married to him now."
"It's different," Sam protested, "I don't know if you haven't noticed but I'm no spring chicken, neither is Jack. The chances of us having children aren't high."
"You told me you guys hadn't considered children yet or even talked about it."
"That's the point I'm trying to make," Sam sighed, "While we haven't talked about it, seeing those kids faces made me want that and the possibility of me having any it isn't high, but it doesn't stop me from wanting those two girls and boy. Seeing them altered my thinking and desires. You have no idea what it's like to see a future with the person you love, to want it and know that it's most likely not going to happen for you.
"But it can for Daniel; he can still have that chance to be with the woman he's falling in love with and to create that kind of life with her. I get to be with the one I love so I don't have it as badly as him. He was confronted with his deepest desires that he hasn't let himself acknowledge since Sha're died. Seeing that Daniel and Vala so happily married with almost four children made him realize that he and Vala can work; they could have a happy marriage filled with joy, children, and love. After seeing them, Daniel now knows that if he took that risk, the risk of getting hurt like he was with Sha're, it would be more than worth it. So yes, while it fucked with his head, he won't be snapping out of it anytime soon. He wants this and you will not stand in his way."
Vala had no clue to what they were referring to; her and Daniel having four children? The idea did have some appeal to her, but what could they possibly mean? What Sam was saying made absolutely no sense. Had they been taken captive and had their minds altered in a way where they believed an alternate version of reality? Was that why Daniel was acting so strange; because he believed that they had a future based on a fabricated version of their life? Pain coursed through her at the thought. Daniel didn't really want this; he only believed he did based on an experience that wasn't even real. The pain got worse as she remembered that they now shared a baby. He only volunteered to replace the last bits of the Ori based on his false perception of what they could be; he was trying to recreate what never was.
"You know, our time there changed you more than I realized," Mitchell complained, breaking Vala out of her thoughts.
"Vala Mal Doran," Teal'c stopped Sam's rebuttal and the three of them focused on the newcomer, "are you alright? Do you require anything?"
Vala willed the blush of embarrassment not to show up. She cleared her throat. "I was just seeing if Daniel has returned," she spoke hesitantly, "I'm also a little hungry and can't seem to find Dr. Lam or her medical staff."
Sam jumped up from her seat. "I can take you to get something to eat," she volunteered and steered the alien woman down the hall. Once they were out of hearing range of the boys, Sam asked quietly, "How much did you hear?"
Vala scoff softly. "Enough to know that Daniel actually doesn't want a relationship with me; he only thinks he does based on a false perception of reality from some mind-altering device."
Sam snorted. "While we have run into that before, that's not what Cam or I were talking about."
"It wasn't?"
"No, we were transported to an alternate reality."
"A what?"
"An alternate reality," Sam repeated and handed Vala a bottle of water and some food. She explained what it was as the other woman ate, as well as explaining what this other reality was like. "When we decided to go through with this, we never anticipated the differences between our realities. While we knew it wouldn't be the same, we never expected it to be like that and it shook Daniel up a bit and changed him."
"Because of what he and I were like there?"
"Exactly," Sam confirmed gently, "You two were married and had three children with number four on the way. You two were so happy and had like these secret conversations, where you forgot about everyone around you and it was just the two of you. It was nauseatingly sweet."
"And just like that, he decided he wanted to be with me?"
"Well, I think there's more to it," Sam told her, biting her lip before she spilled something Daniel probably wouldn't want her to spill but tough for him, "Daniel has a hard time of letting people in, romantically. It stems from the death of his wife and the pain of losing her."
"Daniel was married?" Vala gasped, stunned.
Sam nodded sadly. "They'd only been married barely a year before she became host to Apophis' queen, Amaunet. He spent a few years trying to find her only for her to die in front of him by a staff weapon. Any time after that when he felt the remotest feelings for someone, they always ended dying or being the bad guy or something. An ex-girlfriend of his ended up as a host to Osiris and after the symbiote was removed, she was a mess and in no shape to even consider a relationship. Then there was Janet; though they never said anything to anyone, I could tell. I think watching her die in horribly similar way as Sha're about broke him, to the point where I thought it had and that he was done for good. Then you came along and sparked something, and he's been fighting it ever since, until now."
Her poor Daniel. "He certainly has a thing for hosts, doesn't he," she joked, trying to comprehend this new information. "What you're trying to say is that up until now, he's been pushing me away by being mean, sarcastic, and judgy because he actually likes me and has been trying pretend he doesn't?"
"Pretty much."
"What are we, five years old?" Vala exclaimed in disbelief and frustration.
"What?" Sam asked in surprise.
Vala then remembered that they came from different worlds. "Sorry, it something immature boys on my home planet would do when they like a girl; they would be mean to them and such."
Sam arched her eyebrows. "Huh, must be a universal thing," she mumbled and waved off Vala's inquisitive stare. "Anyway, what I'm trying to say is that he's been hurt a lot and he's scared to risk getting hurt like the way he was with Sha're, hell, even Janet. He's been maintaining that emotional distance for so long it's hard for him to let go and risk it again, especially with you. You're strong, outspoken, confident, and a little out there, so much so you frighten him, and he probably would've tried to stay away indefinitely if he hadn't gone to that reality. Daniel now knows that it really isn't a risk anymore; he knows how it can play out and knows that it more than worth the risk, whether it plays out well or not."
"So, just like, he decided to go full force into establishing a relationship with me?"
"Pretty much," Sam confirmed, "though none of us thought that he would go as far as knocking you up," she joked.
"Knocking me up?" Vala asked in confusion.
Sam chuckled. "It's an expression; it means to impregnate someone."
"Ah, well yes, he did indeed work fast concerning that," Vala rubbed her belly and asked gingerly, "Do you believe he'll regret it?"
"I wish I could give you an answer to that, but I can't," Sam replied honestly, "but if it helps, I don't think he will. Since we came back, his main focus has been to find you, with the exception of the Ori device and the Ark. I don't think he would so willingly give his own genes to father your baby unless he was completely certain."
Vala smiled at the Colonel's honestly and appreciated it. "Thank you, Samantha."
Sam returned her smile. "Anytime, Vala," and hesitated before asking, "I know we don't know each other and it's none of my business, but Daniel is a brother to me and I have to ask; how do you feel about Daniel? Because if you're not serious about him and are just stringing him along, you'll have more than just me to answer to."
Vala was silent for a minute. "You know, it's funny," she began, playing with the leftover of her food and avoiding Sam's stare, "after meeting Daniel, I spent months learning all I could about him and trying to find a way to see him again, which led me to steal that damn tablet in the first place. He is probably the most genuine, honest, and good man I've ever met. Meeting him stirred something up in me and I couldn't get him out of my head. He made me want more for myself, out of life; he made me want to be a better person.
"I don't know exactly what you want me to say, but I can say this; I am just as terrified as he is. He isn't the only one to have had his heart ripped out or to have had a shitty life given to him. I never want to do anything that would hurt him and I would like to see where it could lead, especially now with this little one," Vala glanced down at her bump and gave it a gentle rub.
"That's all I need to know," Sam assured and then tried to lighten the mood, "Just so you know, now that the baby is biologically Daniel's, I automatically become its godmother and my husband its godfather."
"What?"
Sam laughed lightly and explained what a godmother was. "Daniel lost a bet to me and Jack and as a result, he swore that his first child would be our godchild. Though at the time, Daniel had given up on ever having children."
"Well, I have no family or friends to speak of so I'm glad this baby will have others that care for her," she admitted sadly, "If you don't mind me asking, why are being nice to me? Why did you tell me all of this? I thought you all saw me as a nuisance; the backup singer."
Sam winced, remembering her words from months ago. "That was wrong of me to say," Sam confessed apologetically, "It was also before I knew what you meant to Daniel or before I knew anything about you. I'm sorry I misjudged you and I hope we can be friends." Sam remembered how close her doppelganger and the other Vala were. She hadn't experienced a friendship like that since Janet's death.
"I'd like that," Vala told her sincerely.
o0o
Author's Note: In Ripple Effect, when Daniel was interviewing Teal'c, T mentioned that Sam had just recently rejoined SG-1 after her honeymoon, so I made her married to Jack, obviously! No idea if Teal'c was telling the truth but I went with it.
Thoughts?
