Chapter Fifteen ― What's Up Danger
"Monsters are not gentle; that is what you've been told and to a certain degree that is true— rough claws, rough voice, and a rough-around-the-edges personality —but that doesn't mean they cannot be safe, that they cannot be kind, that does not mean they cannot be loved."
There was room in the Mount Justice Cave that was lined with lead and had bright hanging lights and had the same awful, bright green colored love seat chairs that could also be found in the living room area of the cave. It was the room where Arley had been ushered off to after the mission in India; Dinah had already been waiting for the Lantern with her notepad and the arrow themed pen Oliver had given her at some point while the rest of the team had gone with Batman to the caves War Room Meeting Chamber so they could over the mission and Arley's gut tugged painfully at that knowledge as she sat on the edge of the love seats cushion. She should be with the team― her team ―giving in her mission report with the rest of them.
But she wasn't because she was the bad Lantern, the murderous Lantern, the unbearable weight that dragged the team down.
Dinah's lips twitched into frown as Arley as the girl looked from the rooms lights to her hands. They were clean and asides from her bitten down nails there was nothing wrong with them, but to Arley all the teen girl could see was the blood that covered them. All she could see was the horrors she had committed. They had been sitting there in silence for sometime before Dinah moved, her pen rested against the top of the notepad.
"Arley," Dinah said, "The team's worried about you, you need to talk to me."
"I'm fine," Arley said in a hiss, she was fine, it was the aliens she had killed that weren't. It was their families that weren't, it was those aliens' partners and children and mothers and fathers who weren't fine; Arley though was fine, she was breathing. Arley's hazel eyes darted up from her hands and to Dinah who with a furrowed brow looked at the girl concernedly. "I'm fine."
"Then why don't I buy that?" Dinah wondered and Arley glared, not at the woman but at the wall just over the blonde shoulder. Anger simmered in the girls stomach, why did anyone care how she was; why did they care what was going through her head when she was a murderer, no different then the League of Shadows assassins they had fought months before. Why was no one angry at her the way she was angry at herself?
"Who knows Canary, maybe it'll be one of the universe's unsolved mysteries," Arley grumbled and unimpressed at the girls tone, Dinah shot Arley a haughty look. The blonde Justice League member leaned forward, her pad perched itself on her fishnet covered leg and Arley looked down once more at the wooden floor under her feet. The teen wanted to scream, she wanted someone to scream at her, she wanted to be back in the Bialyan desert getting hit because then she wouldn't have had to think about the blood on her hands, just what was running down her face.
"You're not a bad Lantern Arley," Dinah said and Arley scoffed.
Yes she was, Hal was the best of them, the one who got the the Guardians take a gamble and John was the Lantern the Guardians liked best, Guy was the Lantern who though everyone across the universe hated never faulted and always gave his all no matter the cost― he was a good guy ―but Arley was the Lantern who hadn't been able to save herself when push came to shove in the Biaylan dessert, the one who let her friend and teammate get tortured.
Dinah breathed heavily in her direction, "You're not, and you're not a killer either."
Arley's eyes flew up from the floor and to the League member, a half snarl on her face;
"You weren't there." Dinah didn't even blink at the girls dark tone.
"I didn't have to be, Arley I know―" Arley knew what she was going to say before she had finished, and the Lantern shot to her feet, her arms outstretched and palms of her hands were open and faced the ceiling; her heart hammered in her chest.
"―NO YOU DON'T!" Arley screamed, "You don't! You think you know me but guess what Dinah, if you did then you'd be fucking furious every time you saw me! You'd be sick to your fucking stomach!" Arley knew she was when she looked into the mirror. The Lantern's tone raised with every word, "I was ten the first time I killed someone, okay, ten! Do you know who kills people at ten Dinah? Do You!" Arley demanded to know, though she didn't wait for an answer, "Fucking monsters, that's who!"
Red hot tears bubbled in the corners of Arley's eyes, her throat felt tight as the need to cry surged through her.
Arley had been ten when the Guardians had sent her and Hal and Guy to the farthest corner of their sector, Geonosis; a warlord had risen to power and the people of the planet were suffering― they were starving and dying and in need of help ―and before the alien dictator could extend his reach to other planets like the Guardians swore he was looking to do, Arley and the others were to make it clear to the alien that war mongering and interplanetary domination was something the Corps didn't allow on their watch but then Hal had been attacked after raising his voice and Guy had been subdued before he could help the pilot and suddenly Arley, who was only ten years old and still wearing pigtails, saw the alien warlord standing over a beaten and bloody Hal.
Arley hadn't thought before she had acted; she hadn't thought of anything except saving Hal and Guy.
She had, with a construct nearly three times her own tiny size, beheaded the alien warlord. It had been bloody and gruesome and the warlords blood had splattered across Hal as his head had rolled across the room; it had also been something the Guardians had applauded her for back on Oa. It was something Kilowog had clapped her on the back for doing, something her training officer had said was the right call, "It was him or Jordan kid, you made the right call."
It was something neither Arley or Guy or Hal had ever spoken about again. None of the carnage or blood they ever left behind was spoken about afterwards except for when giving their mission briefings; it was something the Lanterns tended to pretend hadn't happened.
"Arley―" Dinah said, her tone soft but Arley shook her head,
"―Do you want hear about the time I blew a fucking fleet of ships up because the Guardians sent me and Kilowog to sector two-five-nine? I was thirteen, or would you rather hear about how the summer before that when I was twelve, how when I was put on distraction duty so Katma could free the prisoners we were sent to rescue, I ended up bashing some aliens head in because he caught me?" Arley was crying, her knees were wobbling and her voice was horse as she continued to get louder as she yelled at Dinah who still didn't look the slightest bit angry at her. "Or how about how two days ago when I watched Hal and John and Guy blow up an entire ship and I smiled afterwards, hm? Do you want to hear about those times?" Arley sobbed.
With tightly closed eyes and shaking shoulders the girl sunk back onto the edge of her chair and pressed the balls of her palms to her wet eyes; why was she crying, what gave her the right― after all she had done ―to cry? Nothing, nothing gave her the right to cry over the lives she had ended; Arley bit her lip and held her breath only to let it out when Dinah's calloused hand reached out and touched her knee, with watery eyes Arley looked at the hero.
"Do you want to talk to talk about them?" Dinah asked softly,
"Will that make you hate me?" Arley needed someone to hate her more than she hated herself in that moment, she needed someone to hurt her, to make the pain she felt in her chest physical. She needed to scream and throw things and cry but what gave her the right to act out and take more from the people around her then she already had?
Dinah's face fell at the young teens words, "Oh Arley, no," Dinah shook her head, "I'm not-I'm not going to judge you for what you've done." Arley's shoulders seemed to shake more at that.
"Why? Why not?" Dinah's hand moved to Arley's shoulder and then to the girls neck, her thumb whipped the tears from her face,
"Because I don't blame you."
"But you should," Arley hissed, "You should blame me, you should hate me." Everyone should hate her, she was the bad Lantern of the bunch, the killer on the team. She was a monster.
"But you care, Arley you care so much you feel like you're being ripped in two and monsters, people like the Joker and Deathstroke, they don't, when they hurt somebody or kill someone they move on like nothing's even happened, but you, Arley you're not doing that, you can't."
"But I've done-Dinah I've killed," Arley said with another sob, and Dinah nodded.
"To protect yourself and others Arley you did what you had to do."
"What if I didn't?" Arley asked, "What if there were other ways? What if I am a monster and I don't really feel bad and I only think I feel bad and I'm actually this horrible person who kills people?" Arley asked with red hot tears streaming down her face.
"Do you think you don't actually feel bad?"
"I don't know, but what if I don't and what if I'm just as bad as Deathstroke and every other villain we face?"
Arley, when she had gotten the ring, had been ready to join the Corps not because it meant doing good but because it meant having a place to call home and perhaps when Arley had realized that joining meant protecting people too she was more than ready to do so, but saving the day hadn't been why she had been so driven on not washing out of boot camp.
She wasn't like Hal or Guy or John in that aspect; she wasn't like Kilowog or Katma or even Arisia either― all of them had joined because they wanted to do good or because it was something they had been told would happen at one point or another ―because she had joined solely to not be alone anymore.
And so if she had joined for a selfish purpose― because as sad as her loneliness was, wanting to join the Corps simply to no longer be alone anymore was selfish, wasn't it ―didn't that make the defense behind every life she had taken moot?
"I don't think you are and I think out of guilt you're looking for an excuse; Arley those deaths weren't your fault."
"But―"
"―Say it," Dinah ordered, her voice commanding, "Say it wasn't your fault." Arley opened her mouth but no sound came out, her tongue knotted in her mouth. "Arley say it, say it wasn't your fault, that those deaths are not your fault."
Arley breathed; her body shook as she did and new tears quelled in the corners of her eyes.
"I-those deaths-It's not my fault," Arley rushed out, "It's not my fault." The words felt like a lie coming out of Arley's mouth, heavy and leaden.
"Again."
"It's not my fault."
"Again."
"It's not my fault."
"Now say you're not a bad Lantern," Dinah said.
"But I am!" Arley protested, "I couldn't get out the ropes I was tied up with in Bialya and I can't make a good construct when my mind is linked with the others! I'm dead weight!"
"No you're not," Dinah said; she was still kneeling in front of Arley and neither female commented on how uncomfortable kneeling in fishnet was, even if Arley was sure it was in the forefront of Dinah's mind. "Arley you're fifteen―"
"Sixteen in less than two weeks and I've had my ring for eight years in a few months. I've been a Lantern for seven in June, I should have been able to save myself and Conner in Bialya and instead I let him be tortured for hours because my ring was dead and I'm incapable of even the smallest of feats without it." Dinah's face seemed to smooth over with Arley's confession and the blonde's grey-blue eyes glinted in understanding.
"You feel guilty," Dinah said and Arley pressed her lips together momentarily.
"I should have been able to protect him," Arley said softly, "Any other Lantern would have been able to, any other Lanterns would have been able to lead Conner away from the tanks and the soldiers and if they couldn't any other Lantern would've at least been able to get out some rope and-and," Arley blinked, "I shouldn't have forgotten him or the others, Lanterns, we're trained to protect ourselves from psionic attacks meaning at the end of the day Kaldur and Conner getting hurt out there is on me, all that makes me a bad Lantern."
"I don't think so," Dinah said, "And neither do any of those kids out there, Arley, Conner and Kaldur don't blame you for what happened in Bialya, they don't hate you for what you've done and they think you're a monster either."
But they should've.
"I don't know why not," Arley croaked.
"Because they care about you Arley, they love you." And Arley crumbled as she sobbed at the blondes declaration because they couldn't, her friends, her team― Conner and Wally and M'gann and Dick and Kaldur and Artemis, ―they couldn't love her not when she wasn't deserving of it.
Dinah wrapped her arms around Arley; Dinah, as Arley continued to cry, swaddled the Lantern to her chest the same way the young girls mother had once upon a time done and breathed as Arley sobbed. Dinah didn't promise Arley everything would be okay and in that moment Arley was grateful for it because the young girl couldn't imagine anything ever would be okay again.
...
The team was there waiting for Arley. The room's door had opened and all six of the young Lanterns team members were sitting on the floor outside the room; Arley all but stepped back at the sight of her team.
Artemis' head was in M'ganns lap― the alien girls fingers were threaded through the blonde girls locks ―and Conner's arm was behind the Martian's head as the alien girl fought off her own need to sleep; Dick's lap was under Artemis' boots as the blonde girl curled into herself― Artemis blinked rapidly every time her eyes shut ―and Kaldur and Wally leaned against the wall next to the Kryptonian clone, their shoulders were pressed together and the speedster― at a lightning fast speed ―beat his index finger against his bicep.
Wally straightened up at the sight of Arley; though the teen had whipped the snot off her face before leaving the room her face was still red hot to the touch, her eyes were bloodshot sort of color that only made the girls hazel iris' stand out and her shoulders were dropped like a pair of wilted flowers. She looked smaller then she actually was.
"What are you guys doing here?" Arley wondered softly, she hadn't checked the time but she knew it had to be well into Monday morning, school would have had to have been starting soon if it hadn't already. Artemis threw her legs over and off of Dicks lap and sat up slowly as she detached herself from M'gann, the Martian girl's hand fell from the archer's blonde locks and settled under her green thigh.
"I was worried," Wally said from his place on the wall before blinking― he had started to push off the wall and move towards Arley only to freeze at his words ―his pale cheeks dusted a rosy pink color, "We were, I mean," he said, "I mean to say we wanted to make sure you were okay." Artemis got to her feet, a kind smile on her lips.
"What Baywatch means is that we wanted to show you you're not alone-we're a team."
Arley's lips quivered at the girl's kind tone and soft words. She didn't deserve them, not after the horrors she had committed, and yet they warmed her because she couldn't be alone, wouldn't have been able to bare it if she were.
"Why?" Arley whispered, and Dinah's hand, the one the hero had placed on Arley's shoulder squeezed the girl reassuringly.
"Arley―" Arley turned to the blonde League member,
"―You said they care about me so why?" Arley looked to her teammates, there were tears in her eyes again and Arley was tired; she wanted to sleep for a thousand years and never wake up, she wanted to stop crying and part of Arley wanted to rip her own heart out of her chest just so the pain that had settled upon it would stop. "You guys saw what I helped do, I know you did, so why do you guys care about me?" Dinah had made her repeat that those deaths weren't her fault and she had made Arley say she wasn't a bad Lantern until she was blue in the face but the blood was still on Arley hands and the weight was still on her shoulders so why did her team care?
"Because you're our friend," Kaldur said, Arley looked at her friend― her team leader ―and tried to swallow the lump in her throat, "And Hal explained what happened, Arley we don't blame you for doing your duty no more then you would blame me for doing mine for Atlantis." Arley had only started to nod when she stopped.
"Hal's here?" She wondered almost meekly; Conner grimaced,
"He's, uh―"
"―Him and Batman are going at it," Dick said, the young boy's tone was hard and icy, his jaw was set and he didn't look at Arley. The others didn't hate Arley― or at least they could conceal their hate for her ―but Dick did; he hated her and he did so openly. Arley felt like she had been punched in the stomach. Wally had been Arley's first friend but Dick had come into her life when she'd been eleven and the pair had never once looked back; Dick had been the first person Arley had told about her feelings for Wally and the first person outside of Hal and the other League and Corps members to know both sides of her. He'd been the first person she had fully and purposefully showed herself too and now he hated her; not that Arley could blame him, she hated herself too.
He was right to hate her.
"Yeah," Wally scoffed, the speedster pushed off the wall and stepped closer to Arley, he threw a dark look over his shoulder at the boy wonder, "Probably cause Batman's being a prick."
Dick got to his own feet― his shoulders were set forward like he was looking for a fight ―his mouth open when Artemis put her hand out in front of the boy,
"Now," Artemis hissed, "Is not the time."
Dick sent her a defiant look but pressed his shoulders against the wall as he turned away from the team and instead eyed the grey floor beneath their feet. Wally moved even closer and Dinah stepped around Arley and into the hallway; Arley though stayed in the doorway. Wally, slowly― not hesitantly but gently ―put his hands on Arley's shoulders; Arley could see the million and one thoughts racing through the speedsters mind as he looked at her with a sort of resolve she had never seen before.
Her hands stayed at her sides; she didn't deserve to touch Wally.
"What's it you used to tell me after I found out about everything? You're one of the best to have ever sling the ring?" After Hal and Kilowog, it was something a thirteen year old Arley used to brag about in a sing song sort of tone when she would show off and form constructs in front of Wally, it was something she had used to say when Wally― before and after the accident that had resulted in his powers ―would marvel and gush over her heroic feats after another world saving fight she'd been in.
"I'm not though," Arley murmured. She'd been an arrogant child who had ignored the blood on her hands; she'd never been a hero.
Dinah lead Dick― Dick hadn't even so much as speared Arley a glance before he followed after the blonde hero ―down the hall towards the Meeting Chamber where Hal and Batman were once again fighting. Maybe if Hal and Batman didn't get into an argument once a week the fact that the two founding Justice League members were fighting would've added to Arley's guilt― because they were fighting about her and the lives she'd taken and the fact she was dead weight on the team ―but if they weren't going to fight over her it'd be over the Earth's rotation or what kind of chocolate was the best.
"You called me Genius Boy right, back after we got my test results back?" Wally asked knowingly; just as Wally had started to call Arley Glowstick after he saw her suit up for the first time Arley had started called Wally Genius Boy when they were ten and he had taken a IQ chart at school only to test off the charts, far above even Einstein's intelligence. Arley nodded; "So how about you trust my genius intellect and go with me on this?"
Sweet, Wally was sweet and kind and beautiful inside and out and that was why Arley loved him; it was why a monster like her didn't deserve his love. She barley deserved to love him.
Her stomach knotted painfully from within her.
"I'm going to Oa," Arley said suddenly and Wally blinked at her in surprised, his brows knitted together and Conner and M'gann got to their own feet; the Martian girl seemed to sleepily sag into the clone.
"How long?" Conner wondered from over Wally's shoulder― the speedster moved so that he was no longer between Arley and the team and instead besides the Lantern ―and Arley shrugged. She couldn't meet the clone's blue eyes; she had let him get tortured because she couldn't save herself and him and she had let Kaldur become dangerously dehydrated because she couldn't hold her own whilst sharing her mind with the others. She had failed the both of them.
"Few days I guess, I still have school but Dinah, she thinks I need perspective or whatever."
"You'll be here for your birthday though right?" M'gann wondered dozily and Arley wanted to laugh because after everything she had done the green girl was worried about celebrating her sixteenth birthday. Arley nodded,
"Yeah," she said, "I'll be back before then, probably before the weekend." M'gann, with a large and loud yawn, nodded accepting Arley's answer and Conner looked down at the Martian girl before he turned and squatted; the clone hosted the alien girl onto his back as she began to quickly fall asleep on his shoulders. Conner turned to Arley as he straightened up, a sad look in his eyes shined under the Mount Justice caves lights.
"You can-you said sometimes it doesn't matter if you don't want to talk because talking is the only way to help, so uh, I just wanted to say that-er, you know, you can talk to me," Conner said and Arley felt a tear slide down her face. Why, why was it only Dick who hated her? Why was everyone else so ready to help her; she had blood on her hands, she had let him get tortured and she had almost let Kaldur die in the desert; she was a monster.
"Thank you, and, uh, good night," Arley said softly and Conner, with M'gann on his back walked off in the opposite direction that Canary and Dick had gone; Kaldur and Artemis looked between Wally and Arley and the Atlantean boy stepped closer to the Lantern, he held his hand out and slowly and hesitantly Arley took it, not because she thought it was a trick and Kaldur would hurt her but because she didn't deserve to touch her friends they were good and she wasn't but did she did because Kaldur had bobbed his hand forward. Kaldur clasped her forearm with his hand and Arley clasped his with hers.
Kaldur said something in Atlantean, something her ring translated with ease; "For among times of arms, the laws fall mute."
Arley's brows knitted together and Kaldur, still holding her arm smiled.
"That is something we're taught early on in the service. I do not blame you for what you've done, you did your duty; nor do I think Robin truly blames you either." Yes he did, Dick hated her; Kaldur saw Arley's thoughts written clearly across his face because the dark skinned boy ducked his head down to meet Arley's eyes. "Robin and Batman live in a world slightly different then the one we must live in, they will both realize that."
Arley doubted they would because Dick and Batman were right; Arley was a monster. Kaldur dropped Arley's forearm and when he stepped back Artemis threw herself at the Lantern and wrapped her arms tightly around Arley's neck, Arley's own hands hesitantly went to the slightly taller girls back and pressed the space between the arches shoulder blades. The hug was tight and reassuring; it was the kind of hug Arley usually craved, the kind that promised to only let go when made to. It was the kind of hug Arley didn't deserve.
When Artemis pulled back and her face was inches from Arleys the girl, with a hard look in her eyes stared at Arley; "You're not a monster and you're not going to be alone again okay?"
But she should― Nortz Arley didn't want to be alone, the notion of being alone and on the streets once more made the girl feel sick to her stomach ―she deserved it. Arley pulled away from the archer and folded her arms into her chest, between herself and Artemis and Artemis, with a dejected look in her eyes sighed.
Artemis looked to Kaldur, "I should get going, my mom's probably wondering where I am."
Kaldur looked at Wally and then at Artemis and then at Arley before he looked back to the archer, a sad look gleaming in his eyes as he did so.
"I will walk you to the zeta-tubes," the Atlantean said to Artemis, and when the two of them had left the corridor and only Arley and Wally were left, the speedster cradled the Lanterns elbow in his hands, Arley looked at Wally.
She was a monster and he was anything but, so why was he still there next to her?
"I know you Ars, I might not know what you're going through but I know you," Wally said, "You're a good person―" Arley scoffed and shook her head but Wally ducked his own and his green eyes locked with Arley's, "I'm not just saying that Arley, you are a good person and maybe I can't go to Oa with you but I'll be here waiting for you when you come home and realize that okay?"
"Why?" Arley whispered, "I've-I've killed people Wally, I don't deserve you," she said, "I don't deserve Artemis or M'gann or Conner or Kaldur; Dick's the only one who's realized that."
Wally shook his head in denial, his gaze determined and bright; it made Arley's chest warm.
"Because it's not about deserve," Wally said, "It's about what I-what we, believe and Arley I-er we, we believe in you."
And perhaps if she had any right to, Arley would have kissed him in that moment, but she didn't so instead the Lantern hugged the boy she was in love with tightly; she hugged him as if she never wanted to let go.
...
When Arley got to Oa she didn't go to Kilowogs tiny apartment where she had her own room― when John had gotten his own places on Oa with Katma they had offered to take Arley's stuff from Kilowog but the Bolovaxian had been adamant that until they day came that Arley got her own place on Oa, she'd stay with him ―nor did she go to the Hall of Great Services, instead the Lantern found herself at the Memorial Hall.
The Memorial Hall had a statue outside of it― the names of the Lanterns that had fallen in battle over the years were etched on the wall inside of the marvelous building―that Arley found herself marveling at. It was a large fifty foot statue of Avra, the first Lantern. The aliens head was bald and his cheeks were sunken in and he wasn't smiling as he stretched his arm out high above his head, nor were the Guardians that had been molded into the statue; Avra and the Guardians that looked up at him looked determined, willful. Avra looked like a hero but as Arley continued to look at the statue of the first Lantern she couldn't help but remember the story she had told her team that hot summer night under the stars. The human Lantern was no longer crying― she had stopped sometime between Earth and Oa ―and instead she felt so cold she was almost numb.
Avra had killed, he and the others of the first four had destroyed an entire enemy fleet; thousands of lives had been snuffed out― the Galra battleship exploding flashed through Arley's eyes, the hair on her arm stood up as she remembered the heat of the blast ―and yet it was a story Kilowog had read to her as a child, one she had readily asked to be read again before bed back when she was younger.
Avra hadn't been a warrior, not like the other three firsts, he'd been a mere scribe just as Arley had been a mere child. Had he felt sick after the battle or had he waved the guilt that'd settled in his gut away with a flurry of his pen; after all it was the victors who wrote the story. How many lost lives hadn't been written into the book of Oa? How many lives had Arley's predecessors taken and let fade into obscurity?
Arley wrapped her arms around herself, sometimes she could still hear the warlords head hitting the ground, inches away from his body, and sometimes she could hear how Hal had gagged as the warlord's body fell onto him like a marionettes whose strings had been cut. Arley could remember― she remembered everything and it hurt ―picking up a rock as the Silurian guard lifted it's knife to stab her and she could remember clubbing the guard over the head hard enough that it's green blood had speckled her face and the ground around her like colorful rain.
Had Avra ever been covered in his enemies blood? Had he ever been coated in it, had he had to scrub himself raw to be free of it the same way Arley once had to?
"Green Lantern Arley," a voice, Morro the Corps' crypt keeper, said surprised, the alien leaned against his scythe as one would a cane, "What are you doing here?"
The Hall wasn't a place many Lanterns liked to hang around, it was a place that most only every found themselves after a Lanterns death and since no Lantern had fallen as of late Arley could understand the alien's surprise. She was just as surprised he remembered her without Hal or Kilowog by her side.
"Morro," Arley murmurer as her fellow Lantern landed next to her, the large drature's― purple alien bird-like pets ―Morro was known for keeping landed besides him, Arley wasn't quite sure what the creatures names were, just that they were called Morro's pets by the other Lanterns. Everyone knew the story behind Morro and his pets, it had been what lead to Morro's placement as the Corps' crypt keeper; it was the orange aliens story that made Arley straightened. "Morro I have a question that I need to ask you."
Morro lifted his chin; the large, sharp canines that stuck out due to the Aliens under bite were withered and grey, aliens aged differently― Humans aged differently then Bolovaxians and Bolovaxians aged differently then Graxians ―but no matter how old the alien was in comparison to Arley the young Earthling knew that Morro was old.
"What is it you've come to ask?"
"You killed-don't be offended I just―" Arley pressed her lips together trying to find the tight words to say and Morro, sagely nodded,
"The only time Lanterns comes here Arley of sector two-eight-one-four is when they're lost and they think the dead is what can lead them back; so if you are lost, ask, and hopefully I will give you a better answer then the dead ever could." Arley nodded.
"You took the dreatures in because you killed their mom, right?"
"You know the answer to that already, do you not?" Arley blinked. "Ask me what you truly want to."
"Dose knowing that you killed ever get easier?" Arley asked with a snarl as she looked down at her hands; they were clean and yet all Arley could see on them was blood.
Morro, as Arley looked up from her hands to meet his eyes, looked at her sadly. Arley's heart twisted in her chest and her stomach clenched; acid raced up her esophagus. Sick; Arley felt sick before the alien even answered because she knew from the heavy look in his eyes that his answer would not comfort her.
"No," Morro said. "You wake up and you go to bed knowing what you've done, you see the faces of everyone you've killed, the ones you've let die, you see them in your dreams and in your own reflection until you're nothing more then a conglomerate of ghosts," Morro told her.
"So why do we do it?" Arley mused bitterly, "Why are we part of a Corps that asks us to kill when killing only ever takes from us?"
"Because you're heroes and that is your burden to bare," a new, third voice said before Morro could answer and Arley and Morro turn to see the tiny bald Guardian, Ganthet floating above them, a somber expression on his face.
Both Arley and Morro jumped at the sight of their superior; Arley though not in uniform― Dinah, before talking to her, had made Arley take her first shower in a few days and change into a pair of baggy sweatpants M'gann had and a large Henley shirt Conner had let her borrow ―folded her hands behind her back as she straightened and Morro, in respect bowed his head.
"Sir," Arley said with a nod;
"Guardian," Morro acknowledged. Ganthet floated down until he stood between Arley and Morro, his hands folded into the arms of his red robes.
"Lanterns," Ganthet said, the tiny blue man looked to Morro, a soft-hearted smile on his lips, "Lantern Morro I'm sorry to interrupt yours and Lantern Arleys conversation but if you could, give Lantern Arley and I a moment." It was less a request and more an order, Arley and Morro looked at each other before the Corps crypt keeper nodded; he bowed his head at Ganthet before― with a whistle ―he and his two pet dreatures flew back into the Memorial Hall.
It was only when the Hall doors had shut behind Morro and his pets that Ganthet had turned to Arley; "You're in turmoil."
Lie; Arley could lie and swallow back her words and feelings and ignore the metaphorical blood dripping off her hands as she waved the Guardian off and back on his merry way but she couldn't because as she opened her mouth to do so no words came out and so the girls brows furrowed.
"Yes," she said after a minute, "I am." Though turmoil seemed to under represent the mess that Arley could feel raging within herself.
"Why?" Wind blew past them and the statue of the first Lantern gleamed under the Central Battery's light; it was never dark on Oa, between the battery and the millions of stars in the night sky creating an almost white night sky darkness was something found inside the planets inhabitants, not on its surface.
"Because I don't know if what we're doing is right, sir. We kill people."
"Villains," Ganthet said blandly, "You and the others stop evil from speeding across the universe, you've personally stopped war lords―"
"―I beheaded one sir," Arley interrupted with a hiss, "I was ten and I beheaded a warlord and that's the point. I don't think someone as young as me was ever supposed to see this stuff- to do it -and I think, I mean, I know it is, but, I mean, what I'm trying to say is, it's affecting me, sir." Ganthet looked up at Arley and the blue alien's shoulders moved as he breathed, his bushy white eyebrows raised and the Guardian of the Universe nodded.
"Good," Ganthet said and Arley blinked.
"What?"
"I said good, it should be affecting you, you've taken lives Green Lantern Arley, have been for years. Truth be told if it weren't affecting you even a little that would be cause for worry," Ganthet said with the ghost of a humorous smile playing on his lips. Ganthet turned and looked at the statue of the first Lantern, his large blue head rolled to the side and he looked back at Arley who had followed her superior's gaze. "He asked me, before he died and his ring chose a new successor, why myself and the other Guardians made the rings, why we turned a scribe such as himself into a warrior of great renound and do you know what my answer to him was Green Lantern Arley?"
She could only imagine; Arley shook her head.
"That we were scared, before there was order there was chaos and the others and I were terrified of what would happen to the universe should chaos be left unchecked."
"That doesn't explain it though," Arley said, "Why did you make a scribe a Lantern, why me, I was a child?"
"Because you were both heroes long before the ring was ever put on your fingers." Arley looked down at the blue alien doubtfully.
"I was eight, I wasn't a hero before the ring."
"Of course you were," Ganthet said in disagreement, "Back when your mind was scanned in training the other Guardians and I, we saw you as a small child, how you would stand between the children you lived with-children I might add you had no relation too, and the adult humans who had been charged with your and those other children's care and how you would refuse to move when those other children were in peril even when you were terrified. It's why I believe in you Lantern Arley."
"You?" Arley blinked, "You, believe in me? Believe what?"
"That one day you'll do something far more spectacular than anything we've already seen in the book of Oa. I expect it," Ganthet told her earnestly and Arley's mouth dropped open, her lips parted and Ganthet continued to look at the statue of Avra; he had known the Lantern.
What was outliving everyone you had and would ever know like? It had to be painful, Arley wasn't sure what'd she do if she lost the Corps and the team― if she lost Wally ―if she was once again alone.
She couldn't be alone again, and yet as she looked down at Ganthet she couldn't see herself raising to meet the blue Guardians expectations, at least, not when there was as much blood on her hands as there was. Not when she was a monster; a bad Lantern.
"Thank you sir but I don't think you're right about that." It was a politer way of saying he was wrong, "Not after everything I've done."
"You mean the lives you've saved? You're right I suppose, but that's the thing about heroes isn't it, you all tend to go above and beyond our expectations."
The complements felt nice and wrong at the same time; Arley wanted to preen under the Guardians praise― she loved knowing the Guardian thought highly of her; their praise, growing up after getting the ring had always been what she wanted ―and yet she had felt as if she didn't deserve it, not after what she'd done.
"I mean after the lives I've taken, I'm a monster sir." Ganthet blew air out of his mouth;
"You are young Green Lantern Arley, painfully young compared to myself so let me tell you something," Ganthet breathed and he turned, the blue alien floated so that he was eye level with Arley; the girls lips were pressed firmly together. "At the end of it, all heroes are monsters, being a hero takes a toll after all." Ganthet smirked wryly at Arley, "What's that Earthling expression you all have, all roads leading to hell are paved with good intentions?"
"Yeah," Arley said, "That's the one, but sir," Arley wondered, "If all heroes are monsters what separates us from the people we fight?"
"Intent," Ganthet nodded, "Monsters may be monsters but they do not have to do monstrous things solely for the sake of being monsters." Arley cocked her head to the side,
"I'm lost sir, if killing is a monstrous thing to do," and it was, or at least, it was something that made Arley sick to her stomach over, "How does intent separate us?"
"Well you may kill to stop an alien from destroying the planet but your intent was good and that is where you differ from the alien you've killed because where they would kill an entire planet solely for power or for whatever other their selfish reason they may have had, you would kill to protect." Arley chewed on her bottom lip as she digested the Guardians words; had that been what Canary had been trying to explain to her? Had that been why the blonde woman was so sure Arley was not at fault for the blood on her hands, because of the intent behind her actions?
"So," Arley said slowly, "What you're saying is the ends, they justify the means?"
"Sometimes, not all ends justify all means, lines must be drawn after all, but if the end is a trillion lives safe and alive, and the only way to do that is to destroy a fleet of battleships on their way to destroy the planet, would those innocent trillion lives not outweigh the lives of those on the battleships? The aliens on those battleships had once intended to slaughter those innocent people, are their lives worth the same as the lives of the innocent in that instance?"
Of course they weren't; that was Arleys knee jerk reaction to the Guardians question, because those trillion lives were innocent.
Oh; Arley blinked.
"I get it, sort of," Arley nodded and she did but the weight on her shoulders still plagued her; the blood on her hands still mocked her. Ganthet looked at Arley with the curl of a smirk on his lips, the blue Guardian seemed to float higher into the air until he was forced to look down at Arley who had to look up.
"I hope you do Green Lantern Arley for as I said, I expect great things from you." And with those final words the Guardian left, he floated back towards the Meeting Hall where the other Guardians were leaving Arley to stare up at the statue of Avra all on her lonesome. The statue continued to look to the sky, willfully.
"It's not my fault," Arley said, "I'm not a bad Lantern. I'm not a bad Lantern, it's not my fault. I'm not a bad Lantern, it's not my fault," she repeated at the bronze like figure in front of her and though the statue did not say anything back Arley breathed. She was fine, she was alive, she had a duty to do. "It's not my fault, I'm not a bad Lantern."
