A/N: Still trying to make time fly a little faster! And I'm not intentionally making Albus out to be a villain, but in this story, his strategizing has backfired, so he's been coming across as a bad actor. But I'll always believe he's good at heart.
Chapter 26 - The New Paradigm - Part II
So now I've broken school rules. Great.
Harry emerged from the Library and headed down the corridor without a destination in mind. I'm not going to show up for Study Hall, now that it's nearly over. He found an alcove with a window overlooking the courtyard, and sat there, brooding through a loop of tumultuous emotions. He glared out the window, remembering how enchanting he used to find this castle to be. Now, everything was soured about Hogwarts for him.
Or am I turning on Hogwarts, the same way I turn on myself, over things other people do?
He could at least recognize that too many trying events had happened, too close together, for any bloke to experience, and still come through unscathed. But, what could be done about that? Think of the positives? Two weeks ago, I was locked in the cupboard under the stairs and getting yelled at for being smelly, he remembered. He raised his arm and took a sniff in the vicinity of his armpit. Definitely an improvement. He tried to remind himself of more of the positive takeaways from the last eleven days. But every positive event, like Lucius fixing his eyesight and taking guardianship in a way that Harry felt okay about, had been counter-balanced with a negative event, like being lashed by a creepy Voldemort sycophant, or being held in a cell at the Ministry after being attacked. Or like being looked after by Severus, only to be told off by him…
Yeah, this isn't helping at all.
Harry centered his focus on his palms and soles and spent the remaining minutes before it was time for lunch in a pseudo-meditative state.
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Severus tapped his index finger against the table in agitation as he watched Harry enter the Great Hall, sit with his fellow fifth years, shake his head without answering their questions (likely about where he'd been last period), and serve himself food that he clearly had no appetite for. And Severus especially noticed how distinctly Harry refused to look his way.
"Hello, Severus," Remus said as he took a seat beside his prickly friend. He was not at all surprised to encounter Severus in a state of irritation, since he himself had found Albus' cryptic "order" from the previous morning to be ridiculous and insulting. Just like Severus, Remus continued to resent the insinuation that he'd neglected his teaching duties. When he'd received no response from Severus after a couple more moments of silence, Remus added quietly, "We've all been through quite a lot of turmoil and disruption on nearly a daily basis. It's fair to expect moods and reactions to be off-kilter, isn't it?" When Severus turned his hostile glare to meet Remus' neutral expression, Remus simply held eye contact and waited.
Severus maintained his glare for a solid thirty seconds before it began to dissipate. "Are you suggesting this turmoil was also motivating Albus' message? That he's off-kilter, as well, or is it that he thinks he needs to protect Harry from the way such fallout might have affected us?"
Remus instantly read between the lines. "I can seek Harry out and have a talk with him, if you'd like?" He was learning to read Severus' moods as a reflection of his inner conflict. "Did you two have a falling out?"
Severus' lips and eyes twitched and the hostility returned. And then it faded. And he sighed and admitted tersely, in the very tone that Harry had noted earlier, "Yes. And I need to resolve it, for my own sanity's sake, and so that he doesn't spend another minute fretting about it."
Remus wanted to smile, realizing he was starting to feel a degree of real affection for his school-age rival. "I'll see if I can catch him between classes this afternoon." He served himself some ham from the platter set between him and Severus. "And where is Lucius?"
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Harry had watched the Map intermittently while he'd moved between classes and through the corridors, and finally reported to Dumbledore's office. He had a strange feeling Remus had been trying to intercept him, and while he wouldn't have minded some reassurance from his favorite professor, he also didn't want to hear any suggestions that might require him exerting any further mental stamina, such as a suggestion that he seek Snape out for a chat.
"Harry," Albus greeted the young Gryffindor as he came through his office door. He saw at once that Harry was struggling, and knew instantly that he had played a role in this new distress. "Have a seat, my boy." He passed the candy dish towards Harry. "Have a lemon drop, Harry. You've just finished your school day. I'm certain a brief rest is in order."
Harry started to refuse the candy, but stopped himself. He just wanted to do his part in this endeavor, and come back here as quickly as possible so that he could go up to bed. His afternoon classes, History of Magic, Divination, and Astronomy, had each failed to draw his interest, and the afternoon had seemed interminable. All he could think about was having an early night. He sucked on the lemon drop and waited for the Headmaster to decide they could leave.
"You're looking a little bit peakish, are you feeling poorly?" Albus asked quietly.
"Er… well, today's classes were my least favorite, all in one long day, so I guess I'm just tired and…. well, just tired."
"Is anything bothering you, Harry? Perhaps you have more to get off your chest with me?"
Harry dropped his eyes down to where his hands were wringing themselves in his lap. His heart started to thud again, and the doom in his stomach resurfaced. He sighed in defeat. "Sir, if you knew I was seeking emancipation, why didn't you say anything last week when you came to my dorm?"
"Do you remember what you said to me that night, Harry?" Dumbledore asked him gently, waiting until Harry raised his troubled eyes to continue, "You pointed out that I had no say in the decisions you make for yourself, and that only if I was willing to violate magical legal protections over a minor's affairs could I interfere any further." He watched the younger wizard process this, and realize that he, Harry, had managed to deter Albus' efforts. "You've always cooperated with my direction, and conformed, even when it cost you dearly to do so. And I let you, because it helped me maintain what I believed were the best tactics for preparing for battle with Voldemort. But look what happened: after all of my planning and setting the stage, Voldemort came for you long before I expected, and you handled him all by yourself, didn't you?"
Harry dropped his eyes again and nodded his head. "Sir, remember how last week, Professor McGonagall had wanted me to take a rest?"
"I do, Harry," Albus replied. "And you never really got that rest, did you?"
"No," Harry said. "And I really need it."
"Then you shall have it, effective immediately. For as long as you need."
"Thanks. But I want to help with the horcrux first," Harry told him firmly.
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Lucius stepped through the floo into Dumbledore's office a moment after Harry and Albus had popped back into the room with the help of Fawkes.
"Gentlemen," Lucius greeted. His eyes assessed them both, but lingered on Harry and made conclusions that he kept to himself for the moment. "Any luck?"
"Unfortunately, no," Dumbledore replied. "The ring had been taken. My sense is that it was recently removed from the hiding space in the Gaunt family home. The building is run down and weathered, but the breaks in the floorboards looked recent."
"Ah," Lucius acknowledged with open disappointment. "I myself didn't fare much better, but I can confirm that after exhaustive efforts to gain the trust of the goblin Griphook, he finally admitted to me that Bellatrix LeStrange does indeed retain a Hogwarts artifact in her vault." He inhaled deeply through his nose, causing his nostrils to flare, before adding, "I'm not foolish enough to believe he will keep my confidence, but I'm tempted to think that word getting to my sister-in-law that I've inquired about the artifact would induce her to remove it. This could play in our favor."
Harry listened carefully, and the grip of the grim reality of the ongoing elusiveness of the remaining horcruxes had him gritting his teeth.
"And you, young man?" Lucius said to his temporary ward, "You look as though you would benefit from a few extra hours of sleep tonight." He felt a sympathetic pang when Harry nodded in agreement.
"Yes, Lucius, Harry has permission to take some time away from classes to rest," Albus informed Harry's mentor. "Off you go, Harry. Rest well, and thank you for your help today."
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Harry slung his book bag over his shoulder and headed out. He thought that Lucius might follow him, but he only gave Harry's back a light push as he walked by, and a non-committal, "Have a good rest, Harry. I'll likely speak with you again soon." Harry had reached the foot of the winding stairwell before it dawned on him that Lucius had deliberately left him on his own.
And why might that be?
Because no doubt, he'd coordinated with his best friend, Severus Snape, to leave Harry unaccompanied for another confrontation with the potions master. Harry stepped off the last step and came to a standstill. Severus was standing in the corridor, obviously waiting for him. That wave of heavy fatigue hit Harry again. He did not have the stamina for another row with Snape.
"You look exhausted," Severus commented quietly. He approached Harry carefully, watching the way the teen tensed up and averted his face as he got closer. "I'd like you to come talk things out."
Anxiety started to rise, and so did the shakiness that came when Harry was either scared out of his wits, or simply at the end of his tether. "I can't do this right now," he said. He was afraid he'd get teary, and he just couldn't bear to lose it with Snape, especially when it was about Snape having been mean.
"You don't really have to do anything," Severus said quietly, "other than listen while I attempt to explain my surliness this morning."
Harry took a shaky breath and said in a very tight voice, "I didn't know I was breaking school rules by going to the Library!"
"You are not in trouble with me, Harry," Severus said. "Come." He didn't wait for the boy to acquiesce as he stepped closer and draped his arm around Harry's shoulders. From there, he directed the rigid young wizard toward the stairwell.
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When Severus had Harry seated on his sofa, he drew the straight-backed chair from his worktable and sat a few feet in front of the tense teen. He had a suspicion that he knew what some of Harry's inner turmoil was about, and started with that. "No matter what," he began, ducking his head down to catch eye contact with Harry before he continued, "no matter who is to blame, and I'm well aware that it would most often be me, you may come to this space to decompress. If we are having a row, you can simply shut your bedroom door. I'll respect that boundary, I give you my word."
"What if I need the loo?" Harry asked, somewhat flippantly, somewhat petulantly.
Severus fought a relieved smile. No smiles. He still had more to say first. "Harry, I know Lucius informed you that Albus had essentially accused us of overstepping our bounds with you. I have been in quite a state, as a result." He paused. Harry nodded. "And I worried that you would feel abruptly isolated, as a result."
"I didn't like it, but…" Harry started. He flashed on the scene from this morning again and sighed. "I don't know what to say, sir."
"Look at me," Severus requested gently, and when Harry complied, he confessed, "I did not like having no sort of contact with you, to see for myself that you were alright."
Harry nodded. "Yeah, that felt weird."
"We have been through an ordeal of some sort, nearly every day, for nearly two weeks," Severus emphasized. "Any one of those events alone should leave scars of some nature, don't you agree?"
Harry was starting to feel like they were on the same side again.
"I am not accustomed to worrying about someone as frantically as I have done you," Severus said next. "And if I am being generous, I imagine it was the same emotion that drove Albus to insert himself back into the picture with you. He obviously needs to have a vantage point of his own, where you are concerned."
"Oh," was all Harry could emote. His fifteen year old mind did not want to entertain the idea that fully matured adult wizards didn't always know how to handle their confused emotions.
"I also neglected to allow myself the room to react, and attempt to recover, from the way these kinds of incidents can unsettle me," Severus added. "I'm operating at a deficit at the moment."
Harry looked him in the eye again. "Yeah. Me too."
Severus nodded. "Do you have anything you'd like to bring up?" Harry shook his head, still seeming off-kilter. "Oh, I think you do," Severus drawled. Harry's wary, questioning look induced him to go there. "I think you need to explain how in the hell your Draught of Peace ended up smelling like dung, hmmm?"
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OK, now things feel like they're back to the new normal, Harry assured himself. He really liked this new normal. He much preferred getting along with Severus, and he actually enjoyed spending time with his former least favorite professor. He also liked the camaraderie among his three adult mentors, and how they made him feel like he mattered. He and Severus had taken their dinner in Severus' small kitchen, compliments of the elves, and Harry found himself with a bit more energy. He realized his emotional distress had a dense, metaphorical weight that physically tired him out. But he figured he could rally for a bit, especially when Remus floo-called them to suggest they have dessert with him and listen to some music.
"We'll listen to something from a later period, from after our school days," he'd reassured Severus, who'd appeared irritated at the comment, because, well, because he was Severus.
Lucius joined them, and was the one to flip through Remus' record album collection until he came upon one he favored. "I've always been quite partial to Earth, Wind & Fire."
Harry was secretly impressed that his arrogant wizard "mentor" knew how to operate Remus' record player. He took his favorite place on the floor in front of Remus' fireplace and stretched out on his back to contemplate the goblins and trolls on the ceiling. As Earth, Wind & Fire sang That's the Way of the World in the background, Harry realized he'd set a DA meeting for tomorrow night. How is it still only Tuesday?
"I'm in strong agreement that you should rest as much as you can in the coming days, Harry," Lucius announced from his spot on the sofa, "even if the need bleeds into next week as well. Your health and state of mind are far more important than a few class sessions, or homework assignments."
Harry turned his head to give Lucius a narrow-eyed stare. "Really?" He hadn't thought beyond taking tomorrow and possibly Thursday off. He sat up and turned to let the fire warm his back, facing the three adult wizards. "I just remembered I'd scheduled a DA meeting, and then asked Dumbledore for the time off. Do you think it looks bad if I still do the meeting? I wasn't going to have us do any wand work or casting."
"I imagine Albus will be fine with your plan," Lucius assured him.
To Harry, it seemed as though there was a backstory behind that comment, but he didn't pry. Did Lucius say something to Dumbledore about me? He didn't know how he felt about that… part of him felt protected, part of him questionably controlled. This train of thought caused the feeling of being overwhelmed to resurface as well, so Harry let it go for now. Lucius' mentorship is not a permanent thing, anyway.
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Harry was in bed and asleep before half nine, having been escorted back by Severus, who waited until Harry was settled to return to Lupin's quarters.
"Everything's resolved between you two, then?" Lucius asked Severus as he accepted a fire whiskey from Remus.
"I believe so," Severus replied guardedly. He was not interested in giving a recap of his abhorrent treatment of The Boy Wonder earlier today. But he sighed. "I actually am considering taking the day off tomorrow as well. Are neither of you feeling the aftermath or our collective experience as strongly as I?"
"Oh, I feel it too, Severus," Remus admitted. "Perhaps I am more practiced at incessant stress, however, what with my lunar cycle-oriented lifestyle."
"Hmmm." Severus would begin brewing this month's doses Wolfsbane potion tomorrow. Just like Harry, he'd lost track of the days. He would need to cover at least one of Lupin's DADA classes on Thursday or Friday of this week.
"I feel it was well," Lucius added quietly. "And I feel the same horrible worry for Harry. He's got the three of us now, we'll just have to make this effort to offer him, and each other, better support."
"And, perhaps also Albus," Remus added derisively.
"I suggested to him that he might consider us as peers, rather than pawns, when I spoke with him earlier," Lucius admitted. "I believe he heard me. Time will tell."
"Well done," Severus said quietly. "This constant turmoil causes enough strain, without the addition of each of our personal struggles with subjugation to Albus Dumbledore's master plan."
Remus considered Severus' words for a moment with a raised eyebrow, then chuckled softly. "I know what Sirius would have said in this moment," he told the two Slytherins. "He'd have congratulated the three of us for finding our bollocks." He raised his glass. "Cheers."
A/N: OMG, it's STILL only Tuesday!
