Jennie
Alone time. Sweet, sweet alone time. Finally.
As any mom, especially single mom, knows ... the times in your bed to do whatever you want are few and far between.
"Ashley" by Big Sean bumps quietly out of my laptop speakers as I surf my Facebook timeline. I get distracted and click on some celebrity drama bait, falling into the black hole that is the Internet.
After about twenty minutes, I blink, shaking my head and leaning it back against the headboard. This week has been a whirlwind, and that's putting it lightly. Coordinating movers, setting Lily up with daycare for the days my mom can't watch her, getting ready for my new position, trying to show my daughter the city that I once called home.
And now call home again. It's her new home too, and I've been trying to make it as fun of an experience as possible. Taking her to the monuments, teaching her the history she can understand, showing her things like Dorothy's slippers at the Smithsonian.
So far, she's been great. Well, as great as a three-year-old who bores easily and wants a snack every five seconds can be. She only asked about DK once, and after explaining that her daddy was still in Seattle, she dropped it. I hate to sound like the bitter, scorned woman … but it's not like he spent much time trying to make himself a part of her life. I should have seen it the day she was born, his indifference, his need for exploration not squashed. Lily had become my biggest adventure, and the man who had helped create her wanted to travel the world without consequences.
Blowing out a breath, I can't help the sour taste that settles in my mouth. I'm being melodramatic. I chose to leave, to come home and set up a life for my daughter. No looking back now, even if my heart was broken.
But you know what fixes broken hearts? Wine and a little bit of ice cream. Picking up the stemless glass from my bedside table, I take a sip of the Riesling I'd had chilling in the fridge since we moved into our two bedroom apartment in Crystal City. It was the perfect place, with tall windows and a community pool downstairs. And without a man, I was allowed to decorate in whatever style I wanted.
The wine bubbled as it slid down my throat, and my thoughts flitted to the ice cream truck from today's list of activities. The cute girl who was working behind the window. What was her name?
Lisa. I think.
A blush of embarrassment heats my cheeks. I hadn't recognized her, and even though she'd explained our connection, I still couldn't place her. It was one of those awkward scenarios where you knew that the other person knew more about you than you knew about them … and you felt bad about it.
But she was cute.
Not that dating was something on a twenty-seven-year-old single mom's to-do list. Please, most mornings I was lucky if I got out of the house with my hair brushed and a shirt not stained with Lily's cereal. But single moms could have fantasies, and maybe cute ice cream girl would be mine.
Resigning myself to the fact that I should get all the sleep I could afford, I switched off the light and settled into bed. Sleeping alone was a new phenomenon for me, something I hadn't done in nearly eight years.
And I wasn't about to lie and say I hated it. Sleeping alone was kind of excellent. So I stretched myself out all over the queen bed, and fell into a peaceful night's rest.
"MOMMY!"
I growled, literally grated my teeth together, while the water ran over my body. I'd only gotten in here two seconds ago after putting Lily in front of the TV with her Lucky Charms. Sugar and entertainment were a no-no in all of the parenting magazines, but what the hell did they know? They weren't trying to get a rambunctious three-year-old out the door on time on their first day in a new job.
"I'll be right there!" I shouted, praying she'd let me get conditioner in my hair before stumbling into my morning shower session.
"Mommy, I want to wear my Winnie the Pooh costume to Mimi's today." Too late, little lady was officially in the bathroom, sitting on the closed toilet with her baby blanket grasped firmly in her fist.
Doing the quickest wash of my body possibly in history, I turned the shower off and grabbed my towel. "You can't wear a Halloween costume, sweetheart, it's April."
"But Mimi likes it, so I can wear it." Oh, the logic of a toddler.
"How about we find some clothes for you, and you can bring your stuffed Tigger for the day instead." Distraction and compromise; two of the best tools in a mother's arsenal.
I hurry into my room, Lily hot on my heels, as I put my hair in a towel and begin to dress in the clothes I laid out last night.
"Can you please go into your room and put on the outfit Mommy laid out?" I put a tinge of sweetness in my tone, hoping she will obey.
"I want fruit snacks." Dear God, of course you do.
She toddles out of my room, going to do lord knows what, but I need to finish myself before I can start on her. Blow drying my hair so that at least it's not sopping wet, I swipe on some mascara and lipstick and consider it a job decently done.
"Lily Jane, you better be in your room getting dressed." Mommy voice in full effect.
When I walk in, she's in nothing but her underwear, laying on the bed talking to a stuffed owl.
"Into your clothes, please." I pick up the summer shorts and shirt I'd laid out, and shove them over her little body. At least she complies, then letting me slide her feet into sandals and allowing me to buckle them.
"Mommy, did I used to drink your milk?" Lily looks at my boobs, the opening to my sleeveless sweater down by her tiny face.
"You did, once upon a time." A simpler time, a time where you didn't ask questions like that. Especially not in public.
"Can I drink from my own?" She looks down at her chest.
I bite back a laugh, internally panicking as I look at the clock. "No you cannot. Now let's go, get your bag and stuffed Tigger."
With one bite of toast in my stomach, I shepherd us out the door and down to the garage, loading my daughter into the car and starting to drive for my mother's house.
One huge plus of coming back to Washington, DC was that my mom lived ten minutes from us. She could watch Lily during the day, save me a ton of money, and was a familial lifeline exactly at the time I needed her.
The morning was a tornado of hustling, tears, kisses, traffic and paperwork. When I finally sat down to my desk, files and files stacked upon it, I took a deep breath.
"Knock, knock." Someone proceeded the action with speech.
Turning my head, a woman stood in the doorway to my small office. "Oh, hi. Sorry, I feel like it's the first time I've sat down all day."
"And it's only nine o'clock, so you better take a few minutes." She smiles conspiratorially. "I'm Wendy, I work in the office next door, so I thought I'd come over and introduce myself. You know, in case you need to borrow a paper clip or something."
Her expression is open and friendly, her blue eyes and short blond bob pretty but smart, and I like her immediately. I extend a hand and she takes it. "Jennie. I'll stop over if I need a stapler, but don't worry, I won't steal it."
She laughs. "You're the new manager of the park rangers, right?"
I nod. "Yep, I am." My phone rings, the first call of the day. "And that is probably a ranger right now."
"Take it, I'll stop over before lunch to see if you need anything. Good luck, and welcome!"
I take the call, suddenly flung into a crisis in Utah where two of the Jeeps have gone missing. Just another day in the life of a National Parks employee, but damn do I love my job. After college, I wasn't sure what I wanted to do. I followed DK out to Seattle, and just happened to fall into a job at Mount Rainier. For five years I worked my way up, pausing for a bit in the middle when I got pregnant with the huge surprise that is Lily. And then my dream job came along back home, and I jumped at it. Used all of my connections within the organization, interviewed through rounds and directors, and finally landed the position.
It cost me the guy in the whole dream life scenario, but looking back, I wouldn't change a thing.
Around one, Wendy pops her head in again. "Want to grab a bite? You look like you could use it, plus these walls are thin, and your phone has been ringing off the hook."
"Does that lunch come with a margarita? Because I could really use one." I survey the stacks of papers I've tried to organize on my desk.
"If you won't tell, I won't." She winks, her cute floral midi dress swaying as I follow her out.
At least I get lunch with an adult for once. There aren't sippy cups or sing-alongs in sight.
"Lily, don't put that paintbrush on the carpet …"
I walk into my mom's house a little afraid to see what's actually happening. "Hello?"
"Mommy!" I hear a shriek from the living room, and a smocked Lily comes running at me.
I manage to pick her up before she hugs around my new black work skirt with paint all over her, and smack a kiss on her cheek. "How's my girl?"
"We're painting fingers!"
"I believe we are finger painting, but it's whatever you choose, my dear." My mom comes up behind her, and I smile a thank you at her. "Now go clean up so we can eat dinner."
"Oh, Mom, you didn't have to do that." I follow her into the kitchen, the smell of meatloaf coming from the oven.
"Hush, I didn't want you to have to cook after your first day. Tell me, how was it?"
I fill her in on the events of the day as we set the small island together, pulling out the stools and setting up Lily's booster chair on one. She pours water and wine for the two of us, and it makes me smile that she knows I need a little red to take the edge off today.
"Did you meet anyone nice? Make a friend?" My mom still talked to me sometimes like I'd just gotten off the bus from middle school.
"Everyone is nice so far, but you know … they all had their day one faces on. Give it a week." I shrug, not kidding myself that people are on their best behavior when they first meet you.
Mom takes the food from the counter, setting serving dishes full of delicious looking items on the island.
"Lily, go wash your hands, dinner is ready."
"Okay, Mimi!" Her tiny feet patter on the floor as she runs for the powder room in my mom's home.
It was strange being back in my childhood kitchen, the one my family had dined in thousands of times. To see the pictures of my brother, Charlie, as a kid holding a baseball. Now he was in Africa, leaving behind our mom as well to go save lives in the jungle. The especially painful pictures were those of my father, smiling and holding us as if he'd never let us go. A heart attack had taken him when I was just fifteen, and the memory of it still haunted some of this house.
Tinkling music notes snap me out of my reverie, and I look towards the front door. "What is that?"
"Ice cream truck!" Lily bolts from the bathroom, running to press her nose up against the glass of the screen door.
My mom wipes her hands on a dish towel and goes for her purse. "You may have one scoop before dinner, no more. And only because it's summer and Mimi can't get enough of that Lemon Poppy Seed flavor that woman sells."
They both walk out, my mom grabbing my daughter's hand as they make their way to the curb. I follow, curious and also annoyed that my daughter is going to have sweets before dinner.
Walking out the front door into my mom's Alexandria cul-de-sac, I'm surprised when the same truck that Lily ran up to two days ago pulls around the circle of pavement.
Cones Corks is emblazoned on the side of the bright teal truck, with a picture of a delicious looking triple scoop next to a glass of wine sitting next to the words. A couple of other families in the neighborhood run to catch the truck, children yelling and waving a precious dollar in their hands. A few of them get to the truck before Lily as it stops on a certain part of the sidewalk, and I increase my pace to make sure my daughter has only one scoop.
As I join my mom and Lily in line, I can't help but stretch my neck to see who is inside the truck. The sun glints in my eyes and I can't make out the body attached to the hand serving melting scoops.
But by the time we get to the front of the line, I see that it's Lisa. The cute girl who gave us free ice cream and knew my name. The one who looked at me with those sparkling green eyes and for a second I forgot where I was.
"Hi!" Lily looks up at her, and I can't help but smile.
My daughter may have grown up in a home that was laced with tension, but it doesn't seem to have affected her. In fact, I often have to stop her from hugging strangers, or mannequins at the mall.
"Well hi again … Lily, right? I think you liked our cookie flavor last time." She directs that charming grin on her, and Lily nods her head emphatically.
"How does Lisa know our little girl?" My mom turns to me.
"Hey, Molly!" Lisa waves at my mom, and I swear she blushes like a schoolgirl.
"Why does the ice cream girl know your name?" I raise my eyebrow at her.
She goes up to order her Lemon Poppy Seed, and Lisa's eyes find me at last. "Do you live in the neighborhood?" As if catching herself, she laughs. "Wow, that wasn't creepy at all."
I have to laugh, because it was kind of forward. Mom ushers Lily back into the driveway, both of them licking at their sweet treats. "Said the grown woman riding around in an ice cream truck."
Her smile drops, and I instantly feel bad. "I didn't mean …"
"No, it's okay." She chuckles. "I typically don't do the night routes, or any of the neighborhoods. I employ some college kids to do the big legwork, but one called out sick today and so it's this thirty-year-old hanging out the window tonight."
She employed them? "So the trucks are yours?"
"They better be, with as much money as I pay for the permits and maintenance. What can I get you tonight, Jennie?"
Something about the way she said my name, and the fact that she owned her own business, made my stomach flutter. Oh, the things that turned me on these days … I couldn't decide whether I was more impressed by her little dimple or her job status.
"Oh, I'm okay, we were just about to have dinner. Can't spoil my appetite."
Lisa leans out of the truck window, her bicep flexing out of her light green T-shirt. "Life is short, eat dessert first."
I'm so sex-starved these days that I instantly imagine her pushing me up against a freezer in her truck. Shaking my head, because oh my God how embarrassing that I'm having my fantasy right in front of the real life man, I try not to stutter when I open my mouth.
"Okay, what do you recommend?"
She holds up a finger, as in "give me a minute" and disappears into the truck. She comes back with a single scoop in a cup, the ice cream a mint green.
"I just thought this up this morning. Mint chocolate chips with peppermint schnapps mixed in. The chocolate chunks are from this local DC chocolatier I work with, try it."
She seems so excited about the flavor that I kind of get excited too. Taking the spoon, I ladle a small amount into my mouth. And proceed to die from food orgasm.
"Oh my God, that is heaven." I think I may close my eyes. And my knees may go weak.
The smile on her face is cocky when I open my eyes. "I'm pretty good at what I do, and that's just a fact. So how do you know Molly?"
The sun is setting over the back of the truck, and she probably has a route to get back to but it doesn't seem like she's leaving anytime soon. And even though Mom and Lily have gone inside, I don't have the urge to join them just yet. Maybe it's the fact that I haven't gotten someone's attention in a long time, but this is nice. Even if Lisa isn't flirting with me, but come on I totally think she is, it's nice to just banter with a woman.
"She's actually uh … my mom."
Her face goes full of surprise. "No way?! What a small world. I started on this route when I was just starting out, and she has been a loyal customer for three years."
I nod, not knowing what else to say now. "Well … I should probably head inside and eat dinner. It was uh … good to see you again."
Raising my hand in a wave, I start to walk back up the sidewalk, cursing myself for being awkward and so off my game from years of not speaking to other.
"Hey, Jennie?" Her voice floats over my ears. I turn, waiting for her to speak. "I know that you don't really remember me, but we've now bumped into each other twice … and I'd be stupid not to ask. Would you want to get dinner with me sometime?"
Now I really do blush, unused to being asked out on a date. Especially by someone who seems to go after whatever she wants, all honesty.
Inside, my heart strings tug. So many things circle in my head. Lily. DK. My age. My life right now. Wanting to live a little. Deciding I am still young. Needing something outside of my everyday routine.
"Sure, I'd like that." I nod, as if making up my own mind in that moment and promising to myself.
For the first time in eight years, I give a woman who does something to my heart my phone number. And try not to scream like a teenage girl while I walk back inside, thinking about when she might call and what I might wear.
