A disclaimer: I don't own any characters, from the Harry Potter Series, just the ones I make up.
Harry Potter
Until Always
Chapter 3
The sound of Lily speaking his name warms something slumbering deep within Severus' chest ever so slightly. The corners of his mouth twitch upward, nearly forming a smile that shrivels and dies as quickly as it appears.
"Is James with you, Severus? You two aren't fighting or something in that basement, are you?" Her smile feels so ardent as it pierces a blade directly into Severus' heart, killing the flicker of warmth beginning to grow within his chest. Lily's cheek rests in the boy's dark hair, but her eyes never leave his own.
The younger man shifts his weight back and forth as he tries not to pry his eyes away from her warm gaze. He can feel Lily's emerald eyes slowly begin to burn into his flesh, so intensely that it makes his skin want to crawl away.
Lily sits up a little straighter as she curls her arms tightly around her son, who has fallen asleep. "He is here, right? He knows where we are, doesn't he?"
Lily frowns when Severus' eyes shift away. "Severus, where is James?"
Panic builds within Lily; something is wrong, very wrong, so wrong that no one wants to tell her what it is. She can feel her fingers begin to tremble as her heart swells with fear.
"Minerva, please, where is my husband? Where is James?" Fear seeps from her voice. The child in her arms shifts uncomfortably, sensing his mother's growing despair.
Tears sting at Minerva's eyes as she sits next to Lily on the couch. "Lily, dear, I'm sorry."
"Sorry for what? James is fine, isn't he?" Denial pushes her fears downward into the pit of her stomach.
Minerva's eyes shift away, fanning the flames of panic burning deep within Lily.
"Isn't he!?" Her voice trembles as denial tries to transform her fears into something easier for her to take in. Whatever it is, it has to be a mistake.
Harry, sensing his mother's rapidly expanding fears and apprehension, wakes and begins to cry. Lily clings tighter to her son as she tries to sooth him by gently bouncing him. Her green eyes once again meeting Severus' black ones, desperately pleading. "Severus? Please!"
Severus turns away; he can't be the one to tell her. He can't. He won't. His conscience can't take the thought of breaking her, the way this would destroy her. As much as he despised James, he did not wish for Lily to suffer as much as she will suffer now, and at the hands of his own foolishness.
"My dear, " Albus Dumbledore speaks very slowly as he places his hand on hers. Lily's eyes turn away from Severus and meet the pale blue eyes of her former headmaster. "James fought valiantly with the Dark Lord."
Fought? His use of past tense seers into the pores of Lily's skin so deeply that it scorches her very soul with its weight. The knot that forms in her throat is suffocating.
Severus wants to flee to the basement, he has no desire to see her crumble, but his feet remain rooted to their spot. He can see the tears swelling behind her lashes as the realisation of what Albus is about to tell her slowly sinks in. Severus wants to shield Lily from it, but he knows that he cannot and it eats away at him.
Lily pulls in a rigid breath as Dumbledore's eyes meet Severus' eyes before turning back to Lily. "Your husband held him at bay for a long time, giving you and Harry a chance to escape."
The young woman swallows hard and her heart clenches violently in her chest. She bites her lip and strokes her son's dark hair in a poor attempt to sooth his wimpers.
Dumbledore squeezes Lily's trembling hand, continuing gently, "He did not survive this battle my dear."
Lily's heart explodes so brutally, it causes her world to come down around her. She cannot stop the deprived, anguished sound that bursts from her lips as the tears fall endlessly from her eyes. She clings to her son, hoping that perhaps the warmth of their embrace will somehow give them both some semblance of comfort.
Severus flinches at the gagging, whimpering sound that comes from Lily's chest as Harry responds to his mother's reaction by screaming, enormous droplets falling from his eyes. Tears spill over Lily's lashes as she hunches over her child, cradling him close to her body as she cries. Severus' eyes squeeze shut and he clenches his jaw, his hands fisting in apprehension. The devastating sound that comes from Lily's lips nearly stops his heart and knocks him off his feet. It gnaws its way into his very soul, twisting it into something distorted and unrecognisable.
He honestly didn't feel his feet begin to move until he was closing the basement door behind him. The clicking sound gives him a sense of relief. His brain barely registers the smoke that fills his nostrils from the scorched, forgotten potion as he leans against the panel of wood beside the door, taking in deep, desperate gasps of air. The panic makes his stomach churn as he runs a trembling hand through his hair. He presses his palms into his eyes while everything around him crumbles.
Severus slides down into a crouch as he listens. Her cries are full of indescribable anguish. He presses his palms harder into his skull as he sucks in a ragged breath. The sound of her wailing gnaws at the edges of his soul, twisting the pit of his stomach in knots and sending waves of nausea coursing through him. The smoke from the forgotten potion begins to make him cough.
"I'm sorry," Severus murmurs softly as he rocks forward a little. "Lily, I'm so sorry."
He never wanted to hurt her. He never wanted to send the Dark Lord to her doorstep, to end her life as she had come to know it. "I'm so sorry. I tried to fix it… I did, but I couldn't fix it."
He stays crouched like that for a long time, so long in fact that he is beginning to lose feeling in his legs. A knock at the basement door startles him, but he remains silent.
"Severus, Professor Dumbledore would like a word with you."
He sucks in a breath at her words and waits until Minerva walks back into the living room before he even tries to stand. Once he is at his full height, he reaches for the door handle and exhales slowly before he opens it. His feet feel like lead as he shuffles through his house.
He keeps his eyes downcast; he can hear Lily continue to sniffle as she tries to comfort her still crying child.
"Ah, Severus, there you are," Albus says calmly as he motions for the potion master to come closer, "I think it is wise for you to be a part of this conversation."
Severus moves closer to Lily, Albus and Minerva, while keeping his eyes firmly set on the rug beneath them. He didn't want to risk meeting Lily's tearful gaze, it would shatter what little is left of Severus' heart.
"What would you like to discuss, Albus?"
Albus turns and gazes at Lily over his half-moon spectacles. "Lily, I wish we could have more time before we need to have this discussion, but with the state of things as they are I would like to talk about living arrangements for yourself and Harry."
Lily runs her fingers through her son's hair as she inhales deeply. She gently tries her best to soothe him.
Severus shifts a little closer but still refrains from looking at any of them; he can feel Lily's eyes upon him as Minerva stands and moves closer.
"What did you have in mind, Albus?" Minerva asks softly as she hands Lily another tissue.
"I was thinking that Lily and Harry could stay here… with Severus."
"What?" Severus asks, looking up for the first time since he emerged from the smokey basement. "Here?"
Dumbledore nods. "Yes, Severus, here. Do you not wish them to be here?"
Severus blinks. "No, it's not that! She… Lily, you and your son are more than welcomed…."
He eyes Dumbledore suspiciously. He knows that Severus is a Death Eater, so how can this possibly be a good idea for anyone? It would put him, Lily and Harry at greater risk.
Lily looks at Severus and then at Dumbledore, "I don't think that is a good idea."
"Why not?" Dumbledore asks calmly.
"Wouldn't our being here put Severus in danger? I don't want to put anyone at risk."
The thought that Lily is concerned with his safety makes Severus' heart warm ever so slightly, while at the same time feeding his guilt. She shouldn't show him any concern after what he's done to her.
Albus Dumbledore ponders her words for a moment, for what she says is true. "Perhaps, but we need to keep you both safe. So I believe that staying with Severus is your best chance until we find another place to hide you. I also believe that it would be better for you to be with someone that you know. Unless you would rather go to Petunia?"
Lily looks at Severus, who won't meet her gaze. She wasn't entirely sure that Severus wanted them here. Not that she could blame him; they havent seen eachother since they graduated Hogwarts, and their falling out in fifth year had been dreadful. She would rather go to Petunia but that would open her sister and her family up to even more danger because they would not be able to defend themselves. If something happened to Lily they would be completely helpless.
Dumbledore smiles before Lily can say another word. "Then it is settled; Lily and Harry will be staying here with Severus."
Minerva sits in stunned silence. What was Albus thinking? Surely there were other friends who could take in the pair.
"Come Minerva," Albus says as he stands, "let's arrange to have some of Lily and Harry's things be brought here. We will see ourselves out, Severus. Perhaps Lily would like some tea if you have any."
Minerva stands slowly and follows Albus out of the house. Once the door closes behind them, they apparate back to the edge of the Hogwarts grounds.
"Do you think it wise letting them live together?"
"Are you worried about propriety, Minerva?"
She presses her lips into a hard line. "Of course not! James and Severus were not anywhere close to friends if you recall. In fact the pair despised each other."
"That is true," Dumbledore says knowingly. "But this is not about the relationships between the two boys. This about Lily and Severus."
"I think they too had a lapse in friendship, headmaster."
"This is also true, Minerva," Dumbledore states as the pair enters the courtyard, "which is exactly why Spinner's End is the best place for them."
"You're not making sense Albus! Surely there are other people who would take them in."
"There are," Albus says as he peers at Minerva over the tops of his glasses, "but none of them would put as much effort into protecting them as Severus will. He has the most to lose if something happens to either of them."
"What do you mean?" Minerva comes to a dead stop which causes Albus to have to turn to look at her.
"You said yourself that Lily and Severus had a falling out. This is something that I am certain Severus has never forgiven himself for."
Minerva wrinkles her nose. "You're going to use that boy's guilt over something that happened five years ago? Severus is going to die, Albus!"
Albus shakes his head. "No, not use his guilt, give him and Lily a chance to make amends. He will fight the hardest to protect them, yes, even if it means he has to face the Dark Lord himself, but I have no intention of letting the boy die."
In truth, Albus is not entirely sure that Severus would have allowed him to place Lily and her son anywhere else, even if he had thought that best. Though he's not entirely sure Severus has realized that himself yet. But that was not something he thought Severus would appreciate him sharing with Minerva.
Severus glances after the headmaster; he feels as though he has been slapped. How is Lily and Harry staying with him of all people the best option?
Apprehension seeps from Severus' core all the way out to his limbs. He shifts his weight back and forth between his feet as he clenches and unclenches his fists.
"Would you like some tea?" he asks after a long moment. The boy's cries are fraying his nerves as the anxiety of what just happened swirls around relentlessly inside him.
"Severus?" Lily's voice is soft but thick from her earlier tears.
"I'll make you some tea." With that he flees into the kitchen.
He grabs the kettle off the stove, turns on the faucet and runs water into it. His mind plays the scene over and over. What is Dumbledore thinking? He is an active Death Eater. Wouldn't that put them at even greater risk because he is in Voldemort's inner circle? He flips the faucet off with great frustration and drops the kettle on the stove, turning on the burner.
Severus braces his hands on the edges of the stove as he leans against it, the tension building in his shoulders and neck. He drops his head as he tries to piece everything together. He listens as Lily attempts to soothe her still distraught son. After a long moment the sound of Harry's cries fade away. Lily must have gotten him to sleep.
"Severus?" The sound of Lily's voice makes him jump. He turns to face her, her red, puffy eyes erode away his insides. "I conjured a playpen to put Harry to sleep in. I hope that's okay."
He watches her carefully as she steps closer. He would protect her with his life. Dumbledore knew this.
"Sev, " Lily's use of his old nickname sends shivers down his spine, "If you don't want Harry and I here, we can find somewhere else to go."
As the words fall from her mouth, panic erupts in him, "No! It's not that… it's just…"
That's when a thought struck him, he is a Death Eater in the Dark Lord's inner circle. Who would suspect that he, of all people, would be sheltering the Dark Lord's most desired absconders? He would be the least suspect. Dumbledore knows he would lay down his life because he has been his double agent and would continue to act as such for their safety. That is why Dumbledore suggested it, that's why Dumbledore wants the mother and son here with him.
"Severus," Lily says slowly, jerking Severus from his thoughts, "the water is boiling."
Severus spins around and turns off the stove, pulling the kettle off the burner. With nonverbal magic, he has two tea cups with matching saucers remove themselves from the cabinet and come to rest next to him on the counter. He grabs two tea bags from a nearby container and drops one into each of the cups.
"Old habits die hard, don't they?" Lily said, he could see her small sad smile from the corner of his eye. "I nearly always make my tea the muggle way as well."
The corners of Severus' mouth turn up ever so slightly as he turns to set the saucers with their tea cups on the table, "Yes, they do."
"If memory serves, your favorite way to drink this tea is with milk, and a little bit of sugar. But I am going to put more sugar on the table just in case my memory has failed me." With another bit of magic, the milk and sugar appeared on the table.
He sits down in one of the chairs at the small table and motions for Lily to join him.
"You didn't answer my question," she says as she sits down across from him, her eyes never leaving his.
Anxiety shifts in Severus' core as he conjures the forgotten spoons from the drawer and onto the saucers. "No, it's not that I don't want you here…"
"Then what is it?" she asks as she picks up her spoon and scoops the teabag from her cup.
"My house is not… I mean it's not… what you're used to…"
"What I'm used to…" his house might need a little work but there were no bugs crawling across the floor or anything like that; it was perfectly fine for her and Harry. "Severus, your house is fine. I promise. I can sleep on the couch and Harry can sleep in the play pen I conjured."
"Why would you sleep on the couch?" Severus asks, raising an eyebrow, "There are two more bedrooms besides my own. You can have one of those."
"Well, okay then." Lily says with a sad smile. "I will move Harry into the room I will be staying in."
Severus nods and stands, the tea forgotten, "Follow me and I will lead you to the room."
Lily stands and follows Severus into the living room. He stands by the playpen and watches as Lily carefully lifts the sleeping little boy up into her arms. Pulling his wand out he gives it a light flick, "Reducio."
The playpen shrinks to a size that would be easy to move up the stairs and through the doorway of the bedroom.
"Wingardium Leviosa." The shrunken playpen floats up off the floor and Severus motions for Lily to ascend the stairs.
Once they reach the second floor, Severus motions for Lily to open the door to her left. The second she does so, she stops.
"This is your room."
Severus raises an eyebrow, "How do you know that?"
She smiles at him, "You forgot to make your bed."
Severus curses under his breath and with another nonverbal spell, the sheets and comforter are clean and the bed made.
Lily lets out a small laugh, "I am not taking your bed from you Severus."
"It's the largest room," he says, "You and Harry would be the most comfortable in here."
"I am not taking your bed, Sev," she says matter of factly, "we will be comfortable in one of the other bedrooms."
With a sigh, Severus encourages Lily to proceed further down the hallway and open the door on the right. The other door directly across from his bedroom was the smallest bedroom.
Once she did, they entered. With a flick of his wrist, Severus replaces the sheets and comforter with clean ones as he just had in his own room. No one had been in this room for a long time but he still wanted to make sure the bed was fresh for her to sleep in. He lowered the playpen onto the floor as he cast the spell to make it go back to normal size. He looks at the playpen for a moment before he transfigures it into a crib.
"He might be more comfortable in this."
Lily smiles at Severus as she moves over and places the still sleeping child in the crib. "Thank you for letting us stay Severus. We will try to stay out of your way as much as possible."
"You're most welcome Lily, and you won't be in my way."
Lily laughs softly, "Lets see how you feel when you're tripping over Harry's toys or you're trying to work and I keep interrupting you because I can't find something."
Severus lips turn up a little at the thought before dread consumes him. The three of them were going to be living under the same roof… together.
A/N: There is chapter 3 everyone! I hope you enjoyed it! I would like to think my beta WrathofMacy for her work on this chapter! Sadly, I will not be able to update again till probably December. But, fear not, I will return! None of my stories will be forgotten! So until next time! Please review and have a great day!
